Three years after our divorce, my ex-wife said we probably would have stayed together if it hadn't been for my job.
I was at XXXXX, responsible for several hundred servers from which a million+ customers were being served. There was the occasional night of getting a full sleep, but more often than not I was paged, sometimes multiple times, each page-out meaning I'd have to call the NOC to get a status, turn on the laptop, VPN in, get a few shells going, investigate the problem. Ranged from 15 minutes to many many hours per page.
It killed me, new wife, screaming. New baby, screaming. Pager, screaming.
So, we got a divorce, and I have no doubt in my mind the hell I went through at work was the primary cause of it. I even missed my own birthday party - on a four hour page-out. Came back and most people had left.
Anyway, I got custody, but it was because I had evidence that I was a better father to the child than she was a mother to the child. Write things down, keep dated notes. Yes, it could turn into a "he said, she said", but I'm telling you from experience, dated notes of events that you think will make a difference in court will make a difference in court.
The child would obviously be better off having both a mother and a father around all the time, no question. But, hey, this is life, and we get dealt our hand, and we have to deal with it. No matter what, as I'm sure you will, always make time for your child. Nothing says "I love you" like spending copious amounts of time with your child. It can make all the difference in how they turn out.
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this is true. but i was working in IT, not in a hospital.
Hi Frank,
Yup, I feel for you.
Three years after our divorce, my ex-wife said we probably would have stayed together if it hadn't been for my job.
I was at XXXXX, responsible for several hundred servers from which a million+ customers were being served. There was the occasional night of getting a full sleep, but more often than not I was paged, sometimes multiple times, each page-out meaning I'd have to call the NOC to get a status, turn on the laptop, VPN in, get a few shells going, investigate the problem. Ranged from 15 minutes to many many hours per page.
It killed me, new wife, screaming. New baby, screaming. Pager, screaming.
So, we got a divorce, and I have no doubt in my mind the hell I went through at work was the primary cause of it. I even missed my own birthday party - on a four hour page-out. Came back and most people had left.
Anyway, I got custody, but it was because I had evidence that I was a better father to the child than she was a mother to the child. Write things down, keep dated notes. Yes, it could turn into a "he said, she said", but I'm telling you from experience, dated notes of events that you think will make a difference in court will make a difference in court.
The child would obviously be better off having both a mother and a father around all the time, no question. But, hey, this is life, and we get dealt our hand, and we have to deal with it. No matter what, as I'm sure you will, always make time for your child. Nothing says "I love you" like spending copious amounts of time with your child. It can make all the difference in how they turn out.
Hope this helps somehow. Good luck.
I was going to say, "First our jobs, now our money" and something rather graphical - but since you explain it like that! 8P