MISSOULA, MT (PAN-AMERICAN NEWS SERVICES) - In the ongoing conflict between
reason and primitive superstition, God was exiled from the Internet when a
combined team of GNAA and ANUS freedom fighters forced Christian scribes to
deny His existence by removing His name.
Starting early Thursday morning, insurgents in traditional Muslim garb
assaulted the Christian Internet meme-domination fortress wikichristian.com, interrupting a peaceful
day of infighting over the exact implications of indefinite religious
terminology. After thirty-six hours of combat, Christian forces withdrew,
leaving behind a battlefield of ruined scripts and banned IP addresses.
"With God as my witness, I am taking down the site so we may endure this
demonic assault," said Bruce Pederasdt, God's ordained champion in the "open
source" movement, which believes the soul of a homeless retarded crack addict
is equal to all others and thus if sycophantic enough, can become a "valued
contributor" to a vital project like porting LaTEX to the iPod.
Wearing tennis shoes, and armed only with AK-47s and Compaq laptops, the
rebel forces battled the highly mechanized Christian army until victory. "The
crusader-god has fallen before Allah (PBUH)," said GNAA commandant Penisbird,
sitting on a pink prayer matt before a captured statue of Crusaders burning
books and heretics. He fired a shot to the heavens, coating himself in the
sticky white substance that emerged from the rifle barrel.
Pederasdt refused to concede defeat, saying, "The God of Israel is a mighty
god, and he will repress these black, gay and probably Muslim infidels so his
Order may conquer the chaotic and sinful Internet. The Lord is my rod, and my
staff,...and my rod..." Investigators from Child Protective Services were at
Pederasdt's Missoula compound to ascertain the status of the nubile young boy
who at this point walked naked from behind a large curtain. The site remains
down at the time of this writing.
"God told us to," GNAA-ANUS technology officer Cynical said simply. He
added: "Rip the sacred flesh - Sodomize the holy asshole - The king of Jews is
dead - and so are the lies - Vomit on the host of Heaven - Masturbate on the
throne of God." A passing herd of nuns passed out in shock, their habits
flipping upward to reveal large, black strap-ons.
CNN embedded reporter Phil MacOlon reported seeing columns of smoke rising
from the back entrance to the server farm where wikichristian.com is hosted, but it was
determined to be GNAA spokestroll g0sp-hell lighting up a suspiciously pungent
cigarette. "God crashed like a Macintosh running Linux, in a rainbow of
failure," he said. "Install reality, problem solved."
The ongoing war between reason and superstition originated in a surprise
1996 attack by ANUS suicide mailbomers on the then-new Vatican web site,
knocking it out of commission until additional funding could be found.
Recently, the war has heated up with insurgents from GNAA seizing Internet Holy
Writ WikiPedia.org, where the Jewish god was
linked to usury, niggardliness and unrelenting whining.
When news of the attack reached Washington, the United States immediately
declared war on Germany, claiming that as it was allied with both GNAA and
ANUS, it constituted an "axis of evil" which "threatens our freedom." At the
time of this writing, bombers were headed toward strategic targets in Dresden,
Germany, known as "the day care center of Europe" for its high population
of inflammable women and children.
About GNAA: GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the first
organization which gathers GAY NIGGERS from all over America and abroad for one
common goal - being GAY NIGGERS.
GNAA declares boycott of all foods that make sperm taste bad
Washington, District of Columbia (USNS) - Gathered on the steps of the
Justice Department, gay niggers worldwide announced their most ambitious ploy
for political power to date, a boycott of all foods that make semen taste
awful. GNAA president timecop led the rally with a pink megaphone, shouting
over the noise of riot cops assembling in case the peaceful assembly turned
violent.
"My friends," he lisped at the top of his lungs. "As America's - no, the
world's - foremost consumers of sperm and without a doubt its greatest enjoyers
and advocates, we plead - no, we demand - that these prostate poisons be
eliminated from the modern diet." Around him, a surging throng of foamy
devotees showed their approval with a shower of bodily fluids.
According to timecop, numerous studies prove that gay volunteers not only
found that tobacco left a lingering moldy taste in semen, but that such
commonplace items as coffee and multivitamin pills could make semen taste muddy
and like insecticide, respectively. "These are intolerant, I mean, intolerable
substances," timecop spluttered.
GNAA member DiKKy, on loan from NATO class dunce Norway, as if on cue dumped
a 55 gallon drum of whipped semen into the Justice Department's Martin Luther
King, Jr. meditative koi pond. As carp drowned in the sticky mucosal fluid,
DiKKy took the microphone from a timecop overcome by emotion at the sacrifice
of so much precious gay nigger seed. "Gummy bears make it taste like rubber
cement - no, that's not a pun. And salmon, of course," said DiKKy, "which makes
it taste oily. Oh, and here's a big no-no: asparagus. Yucky."
United Asparagus Growers President Ralph Gruntligel was interviewed by CBS'
"60 Minutes," which, in trying to downplay its recent scandal over forging
records to replace the lost forged records of a famous politician, has changed
focus to such cutting edge topics as sitting room makeovers and loose candle
wax.
"While we support every group who wishes to consume asparagus, and do not
discriminate on the basis of age, sex, race, gender, sexual orientation,
bondage role, condom use, ethnicity or major league baseball fan
identification," Gruntligel said from a leather sofa in his Greenwich Village
headquarters, "to indict a source of income for roughly one in 65,536 Americans
that is ranked fifty-fourth among the world's most valuable vegetables, is not
only a crime against asparagus, but a terrorist action against one of nature's
most perfect foods and an important source of revenue for government and
industry."
Back at the rally, timecop sniffed in response. "Like his ugly fat bitch of
a wife will ever give him this kind of head," he said, demonstrating on Morgan
Freeman, who happened to be passing on his way to testify before a Senate
committee on racial discrimination in the color of fingernail clippers. "Desist
-- cease, I say!" began Freeman, but then, in his characteristic basso
profundo, began moaning rhythmically to the motion of gay nigger tongues.
Semen, the technical name for the fluid of male sexual emission which occurs
at ejaculation, has a generally salty or sweet taste, depending on what the
person responsible has consumed since his last ejaculation, said Dr. Ben
Rodriguez-Silverstein. "It's entirely possible that these foods make semen
taste disgusting," he said. "But unfortunately, most of them are necessary for
survival."
He was immediately mobbed by gay niggers wielding placards reading "READ MY
LIPS: NO RANCID SEMEN."
Contacted via phone, Robert Liebovitz, lead counsel for the Association of
Confection Producers, said, "Can I get AIDS from this?"
Rodriguez-Silverstein, who was later spotted receiving $250,000 in small
denomination bills smeared with a sticky, mushroom-smelling substance,
announced that his lab was conducting independent tests using AOL Afghanistan
employees to sample semen from every ethnic, racial, social and animal family
group. "We will get to
Giant Tsunami of AIDS hits America Giant Tsunami of AIDS hits America
BOSTON, MASS (AMERICAN NEWS SERVICES) - A giant tsunami of AIDS hit
the east and west coasts of the United States simultaneously today, causing
numerous casualties and uncountable human suffering. The wave impacted at
8:03.32 EST, when most people were preparing for their 45-minutes commutes to
work.
Immediate submissive and passive behavior followed, culminating in a rolling
pile of writhing bodies engaged in all forms of anal sex and gay fellatio.
Further, the atmosphere around California outleast became "downright fruity,"
according to Governor Arnold Schwarzeneger, who quickly followed his statement
with a glance at the polls and, "But we support that, of course."
A tsunami is a rolling undersea wave created by a massive shock or
earthquake, and can race across the ocean floor at speeds of up to 500 miles
per hour before being channeled upward by the slanted coastline, producing
waves up to 50 feet tall that come crashing down on helpless victims.
"I have asked the President to declare a state of emergency and impose
martial law," said New Jersey acting governor Richard J. Codey. "Federal aid
alone can address this devastating event, and with any luck, they'll be wearing
well-cut matching uniforms." As he said this to a press conference, a ripple of
delighted sighing passed through the audience.
AIDS, or Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome, is a disease which attacks the
body's defenses against disease and turns them against the body itself, much as
a submissive philosophy encourages one to pity one's enemies and turn the other
(glutteal) cheek. Originally called GRID, or Gay-Related Immune Disease, the
disease was named AIDS after gay groups objected, threatening the paychecks of
doctors and researchers alike.
In New Jersey, the giant wave caused vast demographic shifts toward
lifestyles centered around submissive sexuality, in addition to outbreaks of
lisping and Village People impersonators, and the City Courthouse to turn
bright pink. "I think it's safe to say we're in a New America," said Codey.
"The old America was boldly asserting oneself against the frontier, but the New
America is being ready to take any good-looking cock that comes along deep into
your digestive tract."
Hispanic groups massed on the Mexican border and prepared to surge across
into a newly-receptive America, while boatloads of Haitians, who have more
experience with AIDS than any other group except young gay urban professionals,
circled near the coastline of American cities selected by The Jewish Review as
"most tolerant." On boat 3417, refugee and freedom fighter Mbeko Hassan
Washington Khan said, "America is about opportunity, and while the orifice is
open, we are taking ours!"
As Federal Emergency Management Association workers, dressed in bright
pastels, descended upon the afflicted area with sushi, condoms, lubricant and
lime jell-o, lawmakers gathered in Washington, D.C., to discuss the New
American outlook. "Gone are the days of manly self-assertion, domination and
warfare," said Senator Barack Obama (D-Illinois). "We're talking openly with
the Iraq resistance about simply opening a franchise for our government and
importing sexy men who can't grow moustaches."
The disaster took an unusually high toll, said Codey, because when the wave
reared up on the coastline, most victims took refuge in churches and leftist
coffee bars, where the greatest concentration of the wave hit. "They were
destroyed in exactly the places they saw as refuge," wept Codey. "I can only
empathize."
Reaction was mixed worldwide. German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder expressed
surprise. "I'm amazed it was even noticed, since Americans have been passive
whiny queens bitching in front of their televisions since 1944 or so," he said.
In Israel, Prime Minister and Rassenfuehrer Ariel Sharon sent his best wishes
to America, saying, "Israel has always had a wonderful submissive partner in
the United St
Slashdot Mirror
MISSOULA, MT (PAN-AMERICAN NEWS SERVICES) - In the ongoing conflict between reason and primitive superstition, God was exiled from the Internet when a combined team of GNAA and ANUS freedom fighters forced Christian scribes to deny His existence by removing His name.
Starting early Thursday morning, insurgents in traditional Muslim garb assaulted the Christian Internet meme-domination fortress wikichristian.com, interrupting a peaceful day of infighting over the exact implications of indefinite religious terminology. After thirty-six hours of combat, Christian forces withdrew, leaving behind a battlefield of ruined scripts and banned IP addresses.
"With God as my witness, I am taking down the site so we may endure this demonic assault," said Bruce Pederasdt, God's ordained champion in the "open source" movement, which believes the soul of a homeless retarded crack addict is equal to all others and thus if sycophantic enough, can become a "valued contributor" to a vital project like porting LaTEX to the iPod.
Wearing tennis shoes, and armed only with AK-47s and Compaq laptops, the rebel forces battled the highly mechanized Christian army until victory. "The crusader-god has fallen before Allah (PBUH)," said GNAA commandant Penisbird, sitting on a pink prayer matt before a captured statue of Crusaders burning books and heretics. He fired a shot to the heavens, coating himself in the sticky white substance that emerged from the rifle barrel.
Pederasdt refused to concede defeat, saying, "The God of Israel is a mighty god, and he will repress these black, gay and probably Muslim infidels so his Order may conquer the chaotic and sinful Internet. The Lord is my rod, and my staff, ...and my rod..." Investigators from Child Protective Services were at
Pederasdt's Missoula compound to ascertain the status of the nubile young boy
who at this point walked naked from behind a large curtain. The site remains
down at the time of this writing.
"God told us to," GNAA-ANUS technology officer Cynical said simply. He added: "Rip the sacred flesh - Sodomize the holy asshole - The king of Jews is dead - and so are the lies - Vomit on the host of Heaven - Masturbate on the throne of God." A passing herd of nuns passed out in shock, their habits flipping upward to reveal large, black strap-ons.
CNN embedded reporter Phil MacOlon reported seeing columns of smoke rising from the back entrance to the server farm where wikichristian.com is hosted, but it was determined to be GNAA spokestroll g0sp-hell lighting up a suspiciously pungent cigarette. "God crashed like a Macintosh running Linux, in a rainbow of failure," he said. "Install reality, problem solved."
The ongoing war between reason and superstition originated in a surprise 1996 attack by ANUS suicide mailbomers on the then-new Vatican web site, knocking it out of commission until additional funding could be found. Recently, the war has heated up with insurgents from GNAA seizing Internet Holy Writ WikiPedia.org, where the Jewish god was linked to usury, niggardliness and unrelenting whining.
When news of the attack reached Washington, the United States immediately declared war on Germany, claiming that as it was allied with both GNAA and ANUS, it constituted an "axis of evil" which "threatens our freedom." At the time of this writing, bombers were headed toward strategic targets in Dresden, Germany, known as "the day care center of Europe" for its high population of inflammable women and children.
About GNAA:
GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the first organization which gathers GAY NIGGERS from all over America and abroad for one common goal - being GAY NIGGERS.
Are you GAY ?
Are you a
GNAA declares boycott of all foods that make sperm taste bad
Washington, District of Columbia (USNS) - Gathered on the steps of the Justice Department, gay niggers worldwide announced their most ambitious ploy for political power to date, a boycott of all foods that make semen taste awful. GNAA president timecop led the rally with a pink megaphone, shouting over the noise of riot cops assembling in case the peaceful assembly turned violent.
"My friends," he lisped at the top of his lungs. "As America's - no, the world's - foremost consumers of sperm and without a doubt its greatest enjoyers and advocates, we plead - no, we demand - that these prostate poisons be eliminated from the modern diet." Around him, a surging throng of foamy devotees showed their approval with a shower of bodily fluids.
According to timecop, numerous studies prove that gay volunteers not only found that tobacco left a lingering moldy taste in semen, but that such commonplace items as coffee and multivitamin pills could make semen taste muddy and like insecticide, respectively. "These are intolerant, I mean, intolerable substances," timecop spluttered.
GNAA member DiKKy, on loan from NATO class dunce Norway, as if on cue dumped a 55 gallon drum of whipped semen into the Justice Department's Martin Luther King, Jr. meditative koi pond. As carp drowned in the sticky mucosal fluid, DiKKy took the microphone from a timecop overcome by emotion at the sacrifice of so much precious gay nigger seed. "Gummy bears make it taste like rubber cement - no, that's not a pun. And salmon, of course," said DiKKy, "which makes it taste oily. Oh, and here's a big no-no: asparagus. Yucky."
United Asparagus Growers President Ralph Gruntligel was interviewed by CBS' "60 Minutes," which, in trying to downplay its recent scandal over forging records to replace the lost forged records of a famous politician, has changed focus to such cutting edge topics as sitting room makeovers and loose candle wax.
"While we support every group who wishes to consume asparagus, and do not discriminate on the basis of age, sex, race, gender, sexual orientation, bondage role, condom use, ethnicity or major league baseball fan identification," Gruntligel said from a leather sofa in his Greenwich Village headquarters, "to indict a source of income for roughly one in 65,536 Americans that is ranked fifty-fourth among the world's most valuable vegetables, is not only a crime against asparagus, but a terrorist action against one of nature's most perfect foods and an important source of revenue for government and industry."
Back at the rally, timecop sniffed in response. "Like his ugly fat bitch of a wife will ever give him this kind of head," he said, demonstrating on Morgan Freeman, who happened to be passing on his way to testify before a Senate committee on racial discrimination in the color of fingernail clippers. "Desist -- cease, I say!" began Freeman, but then, in his characteristic basso profundo, began moaning rhythmically to the motion of gay nigger tongues.
Semen, the technical name for the fluid of male sexual emission which occurs at ejaculation, has a generally salty or sweet taste, depending on what the person responsible has consumed since his last ejaculation, said Dr. Ben Rodriguez-Silverstein. "It's entirely possible that these foods make semen taste disgusting," he said. "But unfortunately, most of them are necessary for survival."
He was immediately mobbed by gay niggers wielding placards reading "READ MY LIPS: NO RANCID SEMEN."
Contacted via phone, Robert Liebovitz, lead counsel for the Association of Confection Producers, said, "Can I get AIDS from this?"
Rodriguez-Silverstein, who was later spotted receiving $250,000 in small denomination bills smeared with a sticky, mushroom-smelling substance, announced that his lab was conducting independent tests using AOL Afghanistan employees to sample semen from every ethnic, racial, social and animal family group. "We will get to
Giant Tsunami of AIDS hits America
BOSTON, MASS (AMERICAN NEWS SERVICES) - A giant tsunami of AIDS hit the east and west coasts of the United States simultaneously today, causing numerous casualties and uncountable human suffering. The wave impacted at 8:03.32 EST, when most people were preparing for their 45-minutes commutes to work.
Immediate submissive and passive behavior followed, culminating in a rolling pile of writhing bodies engaged in all forms of anal sex and gay fellatio. Further, the atmosphere around California outleast became "downright fruity," according to Governor Arnold Schwarzeneger, who quickly followed his statement with a glance at the polls and, "But we support that, of course."
A tsunami is a rolling undersea wave created by a massive shock or earthquake, and can race across the ocean floor at speeds of up to 500 miles per hour before being channeled upward by the slanted coastline, producing waves up to 50 feet tall that come crashing down on helpless victims.
"I have asked the President to declare a state of emergency and impose martial law," said New Jersey acting governor Richard J. Codey. "Federal aid alone can address this devastating event, and with any luck, they'll be wearing well-cut matching uniforms." As he said this to a press conference, a ripple of delighted sighing passed through the audience.
AIDS, or Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome, is a disease which attacks the body's defenses against disease and turns them against the body itself, much as a submissive philosophy encourages one to pity one's enemies and turn the other (glutteal) cheek. Originally called GRID, or Gay-Related Immune Disease, the disease was named AIDS after gay groups objected, threatening the paychecks of doctors and researchers alike.
In New Jersey, the giant wave caused vast demographic shifts toward lifestyles centered around submissive sexuality, in addition to outbreaks of lisping and Village People impersonators, and the City Courthouse to turn bright pink. "I think it's safe to say we're in a New America," said Codey. "The old America was boldly asserting oneself against the frontier, but the New America is being ready to take any good-looking cock that comes along deep into your digestive tract."
Hispanic groups massed on the Mexican border and prepared to surge across into a newly-receptive America, while boatloads of Haitians, who have more experience with AIDS than any other group except young gay urban professionals, circled near the coastline of American cities selected by The Jewish Review as "most tolerant." On boat 3417, refugee and freedom fighter Mbeko Hassan Washington Khan said, "America is about opportunity, and while the orifice is open, we are taking ours!"
As Federal Emergency Management Association workers, dressed in bright pastels, descended upon the afflicted area with sushi, condoms, lubricant and lime jell-o, lawmakers gathered in Washington, D.C., to discuss the New American outlook. "Gone are the days of manly self-assertion, domination and warfare," said Senator Barack Obama (D-Illinois). "We're talking openly with the Iraq resistance about simply opening a franchise for our government and importing sexy men who can't grow moustaches."
The disaster took an unusually high toll, said Codey, because when the wave reared up on the coastline, most victims took refuge in churches and leftist coffee bars, where the greatest concentration of the wave hit. "They were destroyed in exactly the places they saw as refuge," wept Codey. "I can only empathize."
Reaction was mixed worldwide. German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder expressed surprise. "I'm amazed it was even noticed, since Americans have been passive whiny queens bitching in front of their televisions since 1944 or so," he said. In Israel, Prime Minister and Rassenfuehrer Ariel Sharon sent his best wishes to America, saying, "Israel has always had a wonderful submissive partner in the United St