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Corporate Media Conglomerate HOWTO
Dave Finton writes "Due to my frustration with not even being able to immediately contribute to the DVD case, I wrote a Humorix article called the Corporate Media Conglomerate HOWTO, detailing how media execs can maintain their iron grip on the keys of communication for tomorrow. Enjoy!"
Ok, well, I've spent the last 2 months trying to figure out how I could buy (or rent) a DVD, and copy it, or somehow pirate it for a profit..
truthfully, I can't even convince any of my friends to download this copy of one of my own DVD's on my hard drive onto their computer..
ok, here's how the conversation went..
ME: I have this brand new DVD - The Matrix
My Friend: Really, I love that movie..
ME: Ok, well, I have the whole file on my hard drive, and you can have a copy, here's my IP address and username and password you can use to get it.
My Friend: Really, I can have the whole thing? Can I put it on a CD, because I only have about 4 Gig free on my hard drive..
ME: no, but you could break up the files, and put it on about 15 CD's, otherwise it takes about 8 gig of drive space, not to mention, if you took the entire bandwith of the network at school, it would take a few hours to transfer it to you over the network..
My Friend: well, forget it, I'll just buy a copy.. it's easier..
Anyone else have any better luck getting anyone to take an 8 Gig file from you?
You have bought a shiny new $ITEM from your local department store, and it comes with a nice, uniformed man who will set it up in your front room for you, and also install another nice, uniformed man whose only function is to unlock the front of $ITEM whenever you want to use it.
However, you don't want to be in your front room; you tend to sit in the kitchen where it is warmer, and there is more access to food and other essentials. unfortunately, the nice uniformed man in the front room refuses to work in the kitchen - you need a kitchen man for that, it's against his union rules.
so, you contact the supplier, and ask them to send you a kitchen-man. unfortunately, they don't think kitchens are important enough places for $ITEM that they are willing to train kitchen man; they say that yes, you have bought $ITEM, but if you don't choose to use it in the front room, then you can't use it.
Enter your local Norwegian kid (what? you don't have one? then get one! they come in handy for all sorts of things) who looks at the key in the front-room guy's hand and makes you a new one. you are now happy - if you use $ITEM in the front room, you can let the uniformed guy do his thing; if you use it in the kitchen, you can use the Norwegian kid's key. The fact you can now use the key in the front room as well doesn't matter, as it's your choice anyhow, yes?
NO. the manufacturers you contacted initially rush to court, and make your key illegal. they scream that the guy in the front room shouldn't have had the key where the norwegian kid could see it - it should have been safely in his pocket when not in use - and therefore you shouldn't be allowed to use the copied key. Moreover, they also say you shouldn't even be able to tell people where they can get a key, and to make sure the norwegian kid doesn't make any more, have him arrested and his key-making kit confiscated - and arrest his father too, just to be on the safe side.
Comments?
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-=DaveHowe=-
"And this just in: David Finton, an author for the internet humour site "Humorix" is being sued by the MPAA for patent infringment
'The "Corporate Media Conglomerate HOWTO" that he wrote is clearly in violation with our business plan, to which we hold at leat eight patents, even to the extent that many tracts seem to have just been copyed and pasted' said Jack Valentii, president of the MPAA
David Finton was unavailable for comment, as he had been immediatly imprisioned and held with out bail at the MPAA's request.
The case is planned to go to court in 8 months."
Shawn Poulsen (Fruan)
"On Slashdot, many obvious things are insightful." - Annonymous Coward, 2000/7/9
Sometimes maybe it's useful to get companies together when their services can complement each other. Can anybody name one real reason why Time/Warner and AOL shouldn't merge if their stockholders want them too? Isn't this a free country?
If you're a corporation, a CEO, or a majority stockholder? Yes, this is a free country. Not only free, but a country willing to bend over backwards to do your bidding.
If you're a person, and not worth seven figures, then no, this is not a free country.
Anyway, if they don't like being conglomerated, or if it doesn't work out, they can just separate again, and we'll be back to where we are now.
What if they don't like it? What if we don't like it? What do we do? Boycott them? How do we boycott a corporation that has their hands in hundreds of different markets?
There's more to this world, and to living life, than money and the "free market." Just because corporations feel that they should be able to do anything unfettered by morality or the needs of people, doesn't mean we should support them.
Michael Chisari