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Bearded Drinkers Lose Guinness
Dr. Winston L. O'Boogie writes "According to this BBC report, bearded drinkers in Northern Ireland lose up to £23 of Guinness annually in their facial hair. It is also estimated that 162,719 pints are wasted each year. Where does the beer actually go?"
We bearded people do not ever lose a single drop of the nectar. We just store some for later, for when the misus is menacing us with some hard object if our feet move pubwise.
Cheers,
m.
-- It's always darker before it goes pitch black.
A novice monk approached the Master and said:
"Bearded drinkers in Northern Ireland lose up to £9 of Guinness annually in their facial hair. It is also estimated that 162,719 pints are wasted each year. Where does the beer actually go?"
Without saying a word, the Master beat the novice monk to death with a bamboo stick.
What's next: the conspiracy behind piling dust balls and disappearing socks? Fear and loathin' with number 42? Experimental apocalyctism within confined spaces reserved for mass transport machinery?
Isn't Guinness technically stout, not beer?
Stout is a type (or style) of beer. There are many types of beer. For more on the subject click here.
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Friends don't let friends enable ecmascript.
I like this guy:
"I'd like to become a Guinness researcher," said actor Tim McGarry.
Well, they got the results back and did some number crunching on them and found, that surprisingly, the more facial hair the driver had the more likely they were to have an accident. They also found that the smaller the 'view circle', i.e. how thick and close the 'pillars' are to the driver, the more accidents they had, also the more stickers they had in the windows, again increased the chances of an accident.
All in all, they discovered that if you were on a motorbike about to cross at a T junction, and there was a driver you had a full moustache and beard, was driving a certain make of car with a certain religious sticker in the window, you just might as well put the bike down there and then, because, like it or not, the odds were that they were going to pull out on you.
So, to bring me to my point: this stuff about the beard soaking up the pint whilst in the act of supping is laughable. It is quite obvious to me that they are missing their mouths in the first place and spilling it. This is not due to the fact they have a beard, but is in the nature of people who want to wear a beard. None is apparent on their clothing because, yes, the beard does in fact soak it up. So the researcher has, by the nature of the questioning got the answer they want.
threadeds blog
- Take fewer sips. Encourage your bearded friends to do this by shouting 'down in one!'.
- Take less time between sips. This means that the beard is already saturated and absorbs no more beer. Encourage your bearded friends to do this by shouting 'drink!' </Father Ted>
BazTsc. I tell ya, you kiddies have it easy. Back in the day, we didn't have any of those fancy schmancy shaving creams or aftershave or blades or anything like that. Nosiree bob. Try using a Gillette when you've got a sabertooth coming after ya, I'll tell you that! Hell no. We used our own two-inch fingernails to shave, and we LIKED it! Now THAT's a real man. Ah, those were the days...
To the editors: your English is as bad as your Perl. Please go back to grade school.
The statistics offer little hint here.
Do they mean, "The average person who describes themselves as a Guinness drinker." Do they mean, "The average person who drinks Guinness at least X times a week." Do they mean, "The person who consumes an average Guinness." (Thanks to the lightbulb paradox, the last is likely the heaviest drinker.)
Then once we know what they mean by an "average Guinness drinker", what is their estimate of how much said drinker drinks? That is the important point. Are we estimating that people lose 10% of their Guinness to the beard? A tenth of a percent? What?
Without a concept of that someone like myself who likes Guinness (particularly in the form of a black-and-tan) but does not often consume it will have no idea how to judge how much I personally save in beer by shaving.
Cheers,
Ben
My usual seat in the cluetrain is at A HREF="http://pub4.ezboard.com/biwethey.ht
for beer lost when run thru the soup strainer and cookie duster.
Hopefully you know the story about the Guinness Book or World Records - see, bar patrons inevitably get into arguments over who's got the biggest this and what's the fastest that - kinda like discussions of Apache vs IIS or benchmarketing - so Guinness publishes a book that the bartender can whip out to settle such disputes before it comes to fistcuffs.
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
Um, interesting that this story should pop up this morning on my considering that tonight is the annual Great Guinnes Toast. February 26th, at 11:30PM EST (EST=GMT-5.) You may read about it at http://www.guinness.ie, but you must enter your age to verify that you are 21.
Also I believe that the results of this study are wildly inaccurate. I can't believe even amateurs would account for such a loss of Guinness. If this were accurate I'm sure that someone would damn well be looking for a solution to this problem. Why hasn't there been been a 'Voices from the HairMouth' article or something like that, hmm?
numb
(AP) - Los Angeles - Fox Networks announced today the newest prime-time special to debut for the May sweeps week.
"Who Wants To Marry A Crusty, Guiness-In-His-Beard Drunk European Guy" will bring the chance to one lucky American girl to get hitched to the most prolific European male in today's exciting culture. 50 women will compete in such events as the drunken foosball tournament, back shaving competition, and the semi-final contest, the fish-wrapping race. The mystery Guiness-In-His-Beard Drunk European Guy will receive advice and counsel from special guest judges ZZ Top and former professional wrestler "Hillbilly Jim". The happy couple, at the conclusion of the show will be wed in an exciting 3 minute ceremony, followed by 15 minutes of commericals and an exciting trailer for the upcoming "Robbie Knievel jumps over 50,000 bowls of steaming hot grits on top of a 200 foot-high pile of Windows 2000 Advanced Server CDs".
sorry, I have a touch of the flu and the Dimetapp is getting to me.
Here in the US of A, one can buy Guinness in cans or bottles. Since the topic has come up, I thought it would be important to mention that Guinness is the one brew that is better in the can than in the bottle. The can has a widget in the bottom that, to put it in geek terms, "builds the head dynamically". Pop the can, pour into an appropriate vessel, and you get [almost] the same head and cascade as a glass from the tap.
Some anonymous coward dun said:
Speak for yerself. As an American, I can truthfully say that I cannot stand most American pisswater that passes itself off as beer. Literally about the only two "big" brands I find remotely drinkable are Red Dog (actually tastes a lot like the American version of Molson) and some of the Michelob stuff (because, among other things, Michelob actually makes heifeweisens and dark beers).
Most of what I drink tends to be either microbrew stuff, Negra Modelo (fortunately, Negra Modelo is very easy to find in Louisville, what with the largish Mexican population here) or stuff like heifeweisens that I have to go somewhere like Liquor Outlet (big warehouse stores for alcohol) to get...I'd drink more Guinness except that the stuff is ruddy expensive here (average price for a six-pack of Guinness in the Southeastern US tends to be around US$9--which is around Can$15 if I remember my exchange rates right), so it must remain an occasional treat *sigh*...
If I remember right, the main reason most beers in the US are a) pisswater and b) usually just 4 percent or so have to do with a) the fact that the largest brewery here (Budweiser) actually uses rice as a base (now you know why the Japanese love Bud--it tastes like a better version of Asahi or Kirin :) and because of funky rules regarding alcoholic strength and labeling here in the States (up to around six percent, if memory serves, can be labeled as beer, and two-percent beer is actually sold in some states; anything between six and twelve percent legally has to be sold as "malt liquor", and I'm not sure if it's legal to sell beer-like beverages that are over twelve percent).
But no, you're not the only one who can't drink American beer. :) My sister, on the other hand, can't see how I like dark beer (then again, her favourite beers are Miller Blight and Tequiza, so go figure)...
Coffee, on the other hand, is another thing altogether. ;) I seriously take it that you have never had good, old, authentic "trucker coffee" in a truck-stop in the States. Trucker coffee is by no means clear--it is black as the Ace of Spades, is probably closer to a syrup than a liquid if done properly, and can be used as paint-stripper if one isn't brave enough to drink the stuff. ;)
Needless to say, especially in the Southeast US, you will usually have a choice of either tea or trucker coffee (and if you're REALLY far south, like Louisiana, you start hitting that zone where you will get chicory in your coffee whether you want it or not--chicory actually makes coffee MORE bitter and gives it a unique flavour; Kentucky, I think, is around the northernmost limit of where chicory coffee is regularly sold). I can only assume wussy, see-through coffee is sold mostly up North...
(As an aside, I was raised on trucker-coffee, and most "normal" brews don't have that much taste to me. To me, "normal strength" means that even after a liberal amount of sugar and cream are added one can STILL taste coffee. Alas, my husband won't allow me to make non-espresso-based coffee anymore because he claims that the coffee I make could kick-start a corpse ;) (Then again, that's the entire PURPOSE of trucker coffee--to make it so strong as to wake the very dead from their slumber and let them drive cross-country. Believe you me when I say that the modern geek has STILL not quite gotten to the level of caffeine dependence and experimentation as the modern American trucker ;)
-Windigo The Feral (NYAR!)