Bearded Drinkers Lose Guinness

Dr. Winston L. O'Boogie writes "According to this BBC report, bearded drinkers in Northern Ireland lose up to £23 of Guinness annually in their facial hair. It is also estimated that 162,719 pints are wasted each year. Where does the beer actually go?"

Comments

not lost ; stored

[Max von H.]

We bearded people do not ever lose a single drop of the nectar. We just store some for later, for when the misus is menacing us with some hard object if our feet move pubwise.

Cheers,

m.

Obligatory pedantic reply

[Arker]

Isn't Guinness technically stout, not beer?

Stout is a type (or style) of beer. There are many types of beer. For more on the subject click here.

The problems with statistical research ...

[threaded]

There was a study to discover if people who wear glasses have more car accidents. So as not to skew the results towards the glasses; (in that if you ask someone who has just had a car accident, 'Do you wear glasses?', they will obviously answer yes, for fear of being prosecuted for driving without eyesight correction,) they instead asked a broader question of the investigator to describe the facial features of the people driving. Again to avoid asking the question, they asked if things obstructing the drivers vision were apparent.

Well, they got the results back and did some number crunching on them and found, that surprisingly, the more facial hair the driver had the more likely they were to have an accident. They also found that the smaller the 'view circle', i.e. how thick and close the 'pillars' are to the driver, the more accidents they had, also the more stickers they had in the windows, again increased the chances of an accident.

All in all, they discovered that if you were on a motorbike about to cross at a T junction, and there was a driver you had a full moustache and beard, was driving a certain make of car with a certain religious sticker in the window, you just might as well put the bike down there and then, because, like it or not, the odds were that they were going to pull out on you.

So, to bring me to my point: this stuff about the beard soaking up the pint whilst in the act of supping is laughable. It is quite obvious to me that they are missing their mouths in the first place and spilling it. This is not due to the fact they have a beard, but is in the nature of people who want to wear a beard. None is apparent on their clothing because, yes, the beard does in fact soak it up. So the researcher has, by the nature of the questioning got the answer they want.

Warning: Fox Special Press Release

[dougman]

(AP) - Los Angeles - Fox Networks announced today the newest prime-time special to debut for the May sweeps week.

"Who Wants To Marry A Crusty, Guiness-In-His-Beard Drunk European Guy" will bring the chance to one lucky American girl to get hitched to the most prolific European male in today's exciting culture. 50 women will compete in such events as the drunken foosball tournament, back shaving competition, and the semi-final contest, the fish-wrapping race. The mystery Guiness-In-His-Beard Drunk European Guy will receive advice and counsel from special guest judges ZZ Top and former professional wrestler "Hillbilly Jim". The happy couple, at the conclusion of the show will be wed in an exciting 3 minute ceremony, followed by 15 minutes of commericals and an exciting trailer for the upcoming "Robbie Knievel jumps over 50,000 bowls of steaming hot grits on top of a 200 foot-high pile of Windows 2000 Advanced Server CDs".

sorry, I have a touch of the flu and the Dimetapp is getting to me.