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Hoax-a-go-go!
Soko writes, "I've run into more that a few Internet hoaxes in my time. I get more of a laugh out of the people that frantically forward me this type of SPAM than the hoax itself. Check out this story on C|Net for their list of the five 'best' ones. There's a link on the last page to start your own hoax, too!"
I'm getting sick of it... I don't see it anymore though... it's in the killfile.
I know the email's a joke but certain less than robust persons will believe it!
Codifex Maximus ~ In search of... a shorter sig.
and even harder to eradicate as it's livelihood is dependant on human gullibility. Sadly to say, the problem is difficult to fix as it would require a total rewrite of DNA.
I guess getting SPAM and other junk mail is the price of freedom and privacy. Is it possible to have one without the other?
Codifex Maximus ~ In search of... a shorter sig.
UK riot police use DHMO-firing "cannons" to attack rioters. Many people have suffered severe injuries as a result.
I don't think it can be said to pollute sewage, but it's certainly a major component in toxic sludge.
Ban DHMO!
--
Xenu loves you!
Yeah, the same folks who think a p120/16mb is a reasonable machine for faculty and doesn't even ened a memory upgrade because "that's enough for windows 95."
.
Anyway, one of them sent one of the Good Times style ones to the department. I wrote her back with the reminder that the message *is* the virus. She insisted that this one, which clamed netscape (?) had verified it and wanted you to send it to everyone was real . .
I gave up.
>It was more like a social virus or a thought virus.
Yuk. Social viruses. THe ones that drop into your office and
drop for hours. Then they leave to infect another office, and your
day is so shot by this point that you go bother someone for
a couple of hours . . .
Lots of us thought about it for a moment, realized it was possible, saw how to do it, and then, the problem solved, lost all interest . . .
Kind of like the "Perfect Crime"--the attributes that would let one plan it correctly are the same ones that stop people from doing it . . .
I also saw a shorter version which wasn't nearly as amusing. Here
it is:
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous E-mail
virus yet.
It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any
disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your
refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and your
milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,
reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR
and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave
its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with
your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will
give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo
with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current
boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to
your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is
the power of Badtimes. It reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things
we hold most dear.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat
up and leave the hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows,
it will refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is
dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs.
Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.
Ohhh... I know exactly what it is.
Can you belive I actualy used to dring stuff with high concentrations of it ? The very thoght of that makes me shiver.
Fortunatly Red Stripe isn't as poluted as most other beers are so the efect of DHMO in that brew should be minimal.
--= Isn't it surprising how badly I spell ?
Sorry, I forgot:
This virus is spreading like wildfire so forward this message on to all of your friends so that their files won't be destroyed!
Sincerely,
Steve Thompson, Compaq Computer Corp
Ah, but in common English usage, the two words are the same. It's only in scientific usage that the two words take on different meanings, and mainstream dictionaries generally do not cover technical definitions.
Mod down posts with a "Free Mac Mini/iPod" sig, they're spam!
What's more, in honor of April Fools' Day, we've actually put the power of creative prankstering in your hands with our interactive Net-hoax generator. Now, CNET doesn't advocate or endorse playing online pranks or spreading hoaxes, so be advised that this feature is for entertainment purposes only.
Read the section title, too. It's funny - laugh. Hope that gives you a sense of why I submitted the story.
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." - Anonymous
Ok, hands up - who was the turkey who moderated THIS one up?
... um... a virus?
You (and your clueless moderator) missed the joke. The Good Times virus is a REAL virus.. a meta-virus that spreads via email. Dig? This Particular virus pop up again and again. It spreads via clueless users who bounce their email warnings (telling to you beware the good times virus) around like
Now do you get it?
It is precisely these hoax's that are worrying some folks and giving those people that want to regulate the internet some ammunition. I'm not saying we should dismiss them entirely but lauding them as wonderful forms of humour seems to just be asking for more trouble to me.
Oh, yeah??!? I take it that any form of irony, sarcasm or leg-pulling on the Internet should be now verboten just in case "some folks" get upset and will close the Internet down? And I should probably start wearing a three-piece suit with a sober and responsible dark tie to work, so that some folks wouldn't get the wrong impression? You'd probably want me to start using expressions like "would you be so kind as to" and "I cannot even start express my undying gratitude and appreciation to you"? And, let me guess, you don't like the word "fuck", do you?
Well, tell you what, sport. These "some folks" can fuck off. Yes, I actually used a naughty word on the Internet -- in case you didn't hear, they can FUCK OFF. And as to you, some thinking about the meaning of the word 'freedom' will probably do you good.
Kaa
Kaa
Kaa's Law: In any sufficiently large group of people most are idiots.
Hmm. For a hoax, it seems pretty well done. This website has a DLL remover: http://grc.com/optout.htm
---
This is one of the best Web-hoaxes I've found (well, so far ;-):
;-)...
A guy created this fake (and not really real-looking) commercial site selling the "IDChip" which was described (on purpose) a lot like the "sign of the Beast" from Revelation. He got so many e-mails and death-threats from religious fanatics, he had to shut down and reveal the hoax in less than a week. Definitely worths the click to his "letters" section
engineers never lie; we just approximate the truth.
There's this really funny story about some poor sap who thought he was going to someone's personal home pahe, but in reality was sent to a hardcore bestiality web site! Check it out at http://home.san.rr.com/~jrf/hoaxes/hoax1.html.
Not that I clicked it, but I still think this is funny enough to repost at a higher score.
------
If a tree falls on an anonymous coward yelling 'first post' in the forest, does anybody hear?
The hoaxes like these, get a gift certificate from the Gap, Abercrombie and Fitch, etc., Bill Gates will give you money for testing his email traking system aren't the worst of the bunch. Most people (I hope) realize that they aren't really true, but forward them for the fun of it. On the other hand, a recent rash of "URGENT: Email virus XXXXX strikes" type messages went flying through my company, down from some senior-type IT folks who should know better. When it found its way into my mailbox, being the diligent skeptic that I am, quickly discovered that it was a typical hoax virus warning. I replyed to the higher-up folks that warnings of email viruses should be treated with the utmost skepticism, it is unlikely that they are a "real" threat. It actually took some convincing, and pointing them to some sources who confirmed my suspician before they actually believed me, but I'm sure the next urgent virus warning that comes along will have them madly forwarding again. Oh well, what can you do?
Spyky
I found this in my mailbox this morning...
__________________________________________
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's, (sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken -which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC.
Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense.
Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped around a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is,the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives.
I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4 green m&ms, but if you don't the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using the antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.
I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.
_______________________________
The Good Reverend
A few years ago, my local paper put in a notice about the "Good Times" virus. I e-mailed them and told them it was a hoax. They responded with, "A very respected doctor sent us that information. Do you have any proof?" (I worked for the local ISP, and I have helped many doctors. Just because they have a medical degree doesn't make them computer experts). I sent them some URL's from Norton and McAffee, but they never printed a retraction.
PLEASE PASS THIS NOTICE TO OTHER USERS WHO MAY NOT SEE IT!
As many of you know, each year the Internet must be shut down for 24 hours to allow us to clean it. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead e-mail and inactive ftp, www and gopher sites, allows for a better-working and faster Internet.
This year, the cleaning process will take place from 12:01 a.m. GMT on April 1 until 12:01 a.m. GMT on April 2. During that 24-hour period, five very powerful Japanese built multi-lingual Internet-crawling robots (Toshiba ML-2274) situated around the world will search the Internet and delete any data that they find.
In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do the following:
1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their Internet connections.
2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from the Internet
3. Disconnect all disks and hard drives from any connections to the Internet
4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in any way
We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some Internet users, and we apologize. However, we are certain that any inconvenience will be more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the Internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam.
Sysadmins and others: Since the last Internet cleaning, the number of Internet users has grown dramatically. Please assist us in alerting the public of the upcoming Internet cleaning by posting this message where your users will be able to read it. Please pass this message on to other sysadmins and Internet users as well.
no sig.
In case anyone believes the above, here's a link to the Good Times Virus Hoax FAQ.
Geddit? (Goddit.) Good!
The real Captain Avatar is a fictional character, so I suppose he doesn't mind if I impersonate him.
Insightful my ass, somebody shoot or maybe wake up the moderator. It's the lack of security regarding personal info that might be a downfall to the net. False adverts can occur in all forms of advertising, it's not a net thing. And if someone really thinks that they might be able to buy a F-117 off of EBAY, they deserve what ever happens to them.
that sucker hundreds of thousands of people who
have little or no computer knowledge.
My favorites are the ones that circulate in
supposedly knowldgable circles.
For example, I have had several friends who
bought into this teledildonics ad, but maybe that was wishful thinking.
At its core, a hoax is just a meme that
reproduces without depending on the rationality
of its host.
Hoaxes are clever hacks that take place
in 'meatspace'. Maybe the biggest difference
between a hoax and an urban legend is that
hoaxes are created by someone while urban legends
are memes that evolve in a
common way.
Amazing magic tricks
If these things were not redundant, then it would not have become an urban legend?
Fight Spammers!
Are there any other legends I left out?
Fight Spammers!
Fight Spammers!
I used to have a procmail filter that did a fairly decent job. It got around 75% of the spam.
/[Mm]ake ($?[0-9]+|millions|thousands|unlimited amounts) (per|every|in (one|a)) (year|month|day|hour|short time)/.
.*", or "herbal". A big one was "Dear friend". Never, ever, use that salutation.
It looked for regexp's like
It got to be sort of a hobby to build the thing. I basically figured out that the rules could be based on the seven deadly sins: greed, lust, vanity, etc., so I built the thing to look for those. Spam itself is urban-legend-like in that people tend to latch onto the same phrases and euphemisms over and over, eg "wealth building" or "I could barely afford (rent|food|clothing), until I discovered
Two years ago I could barely afford clothing. Now I make millions every day, selling herbal anti-spam technology to my friends, neighbors, even my doctor! It's the most amazing wealth-building program ever.
---- "If we have to go on with these damned quantum jumps, then I'm sorry that I ever got involved" - Erwin Schrodinger
VIRUS ALERT!!!!! THIS IS NOT A HOAX!!!!p erts at Microsoft have determined that there is a new and very destructive virus that infects your computer just by opening an email! It is called the ROOT VIRUS. "ROOT" is a famous hacker who has broken into thousands of computer systems and sends fake emails with a virus that can infect your computer just by opening them.
-----------------------------------
Ex
When you open a message sent to you by Root, it infects a virus onto your system which basically wipes out your hard drive. If you see a mail from ROOT, DELETE IT IMMEDIATELY!!!! Sometimes this hacker will attempt to trick you into opening an email by making it look official. DO NOT TAKE ANY CHANCES! DELETE ANY AND ALL MESSAGES FROM ROOT IMMEDIATELY!
Based on the forward you sent me, you still have a bit to learn about the Internet. Let me take this opportunity to give you a brief education.
1. Please do not pass on chain letters. There never has been, and never will be a reward for forwarding an email message.
2. Virus warnings tend to be hoaxes. Do not forward them. Anyone who would heed your warning is probably already protected. Everyone else will just ignore you anyway.
3. Please be selective with the jokes that you pass on. Here is the acid test: Would you bother telling me this joke in person? Jokes that dont pass this test should probably be kept to yourself. If it is good enough, tell it to me the next time I see you. I would rather spend time with you than be another name on your distribution list.
4. Forwards are never a reliable source of information. Unusual reports, especially those involving major corporations, are urban legends. If it were legitimate news, it would be carried by the mainstream media. Scary or outlandish stories are usually nothing but fiction. Enjoy reading them, but keep them to yourself.
5. Do not buy anything from spammers. NEVER! Don't even go to their websites. If you know what headers are, hunt down the bastards and get their accounts cancelled. Never reply to a spam, even just to ask to be removed from their mailing list. They wont take you off, but instead they will put your name on the valid list.
6. Never run any programs or open any executable attachments that you recieve in an email. If it ends in exe, bat, or com, you should delete it. It is usually safe to open zip files, but be suspicious of any contents.
7. Dont be a spammer. Multi level marketing schemes do not intrigue me. I am not interested in becoming part of your downline. Whether it is vitamins, herbs, long distance, magnets, distributed processing, or get-paid-to-surf-the-net I will never sign up. Seriously, I have lost friendships over this kind of stuff. Dont even start.
8. Investment advice comes from professionals, not open web-boards or unsolicited email.
9. Anything that promises an outrageous salary for working at home is bogus. If the opportunity was so good, they would be turning away applicants, not begging for them.
10. This is the last forward that you will ever send. The next time someone forwards you junk, send this to them. Lets break the chain one link at a time.
-BW
I didn't get any of the e-mail hoxes they mentioned - but the one I did get again and again (and again) was that stupid e-mail claiming Bill Gates was running some sort of e-mail test and would send you $1000 for forwarding the e-mail to some friends!
At the end of every message was some lame remark like "I'm not sure its' true, but it's worth a shot!". No. It. Is. NOT!!!!! The next one I get I'm going to respond with one saying Bill Gates will give them $1 million to walk in front of a train - hey, it may not be true, but it's worth a shot!
"There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
It is precisely these hoax's that are worrying some folks and giving those people that want to regulate the internet some ammunition. I'm not saying we should dismiss them entirely but lauding them as wonderful forms of humour seems to just be asking for more trouble to me.
The famous "Good Times" virus wasn't a hoax. There really was a virus, transmitted by email, which merely needed to be read by a human to be activated.
Of course, most of the details were wrong... it didn't normally have the subject line 'good times', nor did it reformat hard drives. In fact, all that it did was clog up email systems and waste time by propagating itself.
Tarsnap: Online backups for the truly paranoid
99% of the slashdot gang is able to tell the stupid things from the real (well, most of the time) and hoaxes like these may give ammunition to the luddites of the world.
But....
By letting the Blame The Net Crowd pick up on the stupid things, we are making our jobs of fighting them all that much easier.
Take for instance things like the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. A while back they were running around Washington DC screaming and yelling that 50% of all missing kids were being abducted by satanic cults. The FBI did some investigating and found they were full of bunk. There is not a single case in US history where anyone has ever been killed by a satanic cult. It is balderdash.
Next we have an episode that happened when I was in high school - one of the local religious zealot groups was trying to crack down on kids playing D&D. At one of their meetings, they were claiming that "so and so's kid was playing and they had this sword laying on the table and the sword started hovering in the air!" Um, yeah right... whatever. Yet again another idiotic bunch of twits.
Finally we have yet more bunk from the State of Kansas (as if the whole evolution thing was not bad enough)... A few years back, people in Kansas were screaming and yelling about such and such a school district teaching kids how to masturbate. Everyone was pointing fingers at each other's school districts on this one saying "they are doing it!" Well, bring in the officials and guess what? Not a single claim could be proven. Zilch. None. Nada.
I say let the idiots and morons of the world run around screaming about stupid things. Let them tell the world about "the really big moon", "how you can get a free cellular phone", and "the $200 cookie recipe." It helps me filter out very easily who I want to associate with. As soon as something idiotic is claimed as truth, then I know they are morons. If it is someone trying to enact a law based on stupidity, then it makes our jobs as citizens even easier to fight them.
It seems that net hoaxes are now reaching the level of urban legends -- you know, the "my brother's friend told me this true story.... that KFC chicken has chemicals that sterilize black men", etc.
An excellent book to read if you're interested in urban legends is I Heard It through the Grapevine by Patricia Turner, a folklore sociologist. Even if you don't read the book, read the blurb on Amazon.
Another interesting web site to visit is AFU Urban Legends.com. They have pretty much every one listed.
The interesting thing about net hoaxes is that the chain mail ones are semi-participatory. That is, action taken actually (is supposed to) results in something happening, i.e. getting a free PC or cargo pants or whatever.
I wonder how soon it'll be before someone invents an intelligent filter that removes these from mailboxes as well as SPAM. This to me would be one of the really useful uses of AI technology. I have so many clueless relatives and "friends".....
Karen
-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK----- Version: 3.12 GAT d-- a? C++ UX+ L++ P++ E--- W+++$ N++ o-- !K !w O---- M++$ !V PS++
This stuff really dose pollute sewage and is at least partially responsible for El Ninio.
Down with Dihydrogen Monoxide -
check out the DHMO Homepage
--= Isn't it surprising how badly I spell ?