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Horribly Bad Game Designs
A reader writes: "WomenGamers.Com takes a stab at coming up with some horribly bad game designs. Check out their latest editorial, "What if? ... No Scratch That..." This article made me laugh -- the driving game inebriation was a great idea. What's your worst game design idea?
Theme Park and Theme Hospital both prove that you can "sim" pretty much anything and get a fun game out of it. Sim Zoo, Sim School, Sim Office...
The sim game I'd most like to see is Sim/Theme Pub.... and here's a verbatim copy of a post I did elsewhere not so long ago...
I guess it would be a Theme Park type setup, with punters milling around:
- getting upset by the queues
- wanting a fag
- upset by smokiness
- liking/disliking the decor
- wanting louder/quieter music
- liking/disliking the jukebox selection
- wanting/not wanting a DJ / dancefloor
- liking/disliking the choice of drinks
- getting less fussy as they drink more
- drinking themselves into comas, getting you into trouble with the law
- having fights
- mooning / getting tits out (erm, maybe as a reward for good pub management)
- drinking less because the food portions are too filling
- wanting larger tables, to accomodate large groups
- wanting more small tables for couples and small groups
- hogging the pool table / dartboard / giant Jenga
- clustering around the open fire
- despising the open fire as too traditional and not trendy enough
- trying novelty drinks (Aftershock, Red Bull and Anostura Bitters... mmmm..)
- enjoying peace and quiet / pining for a more lively atmosphere
- getting apoplectic with rage
- ... you get the picture
You'd probably have more than one pub on the go at once - perhaps you'd be trying to cater for all tastes in a given town. You'd have a spit'n' sawdust gigging pub, a wine bar, a novelty theme pub with crazy crap around the walls, a real ale pub and a trendy pre-club type bar (having worked up from one tiny local on the corner of a residential street).Multiplayer you'd be competing for the same clientele and they'd wander from one pub to another.
On top of that you'd have Theme Park style research units, you might have to do some stock management (That always irritated me in Theme Park though: reordering stocks was just a chore... I think you ought to be able to set thresholds where if the stock drops to a certain level you automatically reorder... in a pub you'd have to adjust the thresholds by season...).
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Select from a bunch of nerd-related 'news' stories on a simulated 'bulletin-board' style website!
Read the comments other gamers have made. Post your own reponses in a truly 'InterActive(tm)' fashion!
Then wait as the cruel 'Moderators' play the 'Troll or Funny game' Wait in trepidation for their verdict on your comment! Soon, You Too will do anything for Karma!
As you progress through the game, *you* may even become a 'Moderator' yourself!
*Cheer* as another 'grits' post is moderated down
*Swoon* as your post is moderated 'Off-Topic'
*Wonder* at the re-posting of ancient stories
*Thrill* as you bribe a moderator with the cheap $3 crack.
*Wince* at the replies to your comments.
Coming soon - version 2 - Now you can play Online!
Apologies to moderators - I know the cheap $3 crack isn't what it used to be.
Probably the worst game I've ever seen was this Draconian Overlord Simulator that came with my first PC. The people who bundled it must have been really proud of it, since they set it to launch on startup, but I couldn't see the point. It was some kind of political sim, but it really sucked! It didn't have any graphics, just a stupid blinking cursor. So I tried entering commands like Destroy Insurrectionist Rebels (good thing I knew computer types liked acronyms) and a bunch of wierd-named factions in my country appeared. If I typed DIR and the name of a faction, everything changed. After a while I tried to be softer on them and Delegate some of my powers, but that made the stupid game crash!
I see the Draconian Overlord Simulator all the time on my friends' Linus computers. It can't be a very good system if that's the best game they can get their hands on...
- Michael Cohn
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Go ahead, blame me... I voted for Nader!
Once I had this dream (more like a nightmare) about a game called SimKampf. As you can probably gather from the title, it involved building and maintaining a concentration camp, as well as harvesting "resources" for new construction materials and technology.
The really disturbing part was that in my dream, the game was addictive as hell, sort of like the original SimCity. It even looked similar; imagine that instead of drawing power lines with your cursor, you had to draw electric fences. Oh, and there were no residential or commercial area's. Just miles and miles of factory-like buildings, complete with smoking chimneys...
Needless to say I was kinda freaked out when I woke up the next morning. I mean, it was probably just a late-night-pizza-and-war-movie-induced dream, but I couldn't help but feel ashamed. It was, without a doubt, the single most horrific game idea I've ever had.
Hee-hee. Dying tickles!
Elian: The Rescue!
-Earthman
Earthman
Say it to me face w/ out wasting space...
While I'm at it, how about a TamaGeeki?
We've already got Tamagotchi variant in the droves, including a Tamagothi, but there's room for niche markets (are we a niche, or what?)...
Comes in a variety of cases, such as chrome, beige, fishbowl, and penguin. Has Jolt, Ramen, Quake and Flame buttons to allow you to interact with your little pet coder. Depending on how you treat your Geeki, you might end up with a CorpSuitGeeki, an OpenSourceGeeki, a QuicheEaterGeeki, a PerlMonkGeeki, and many more! Treat them right, and they might even start producing their own kernel patches, perl poetry, or maybe even start reverse-engineering proprietary protocols!
And if you tire of your little abomin... er, pet, there's a special recessed "Indict" button to make sure you never hear from it again...
(Warning - do not use TamaGeekis with IR ports in the vicinity of Furbys. OK? Don't say we didn't warn you.)
Escape from Titanic: The Movie. You get to be Jack, try to defeat the script and survive that icy Atlantic ocean, getting the girl and the necklace!
No. This should be "Escape: from Titanic the Movie". In this game, your aim should be to live as regular a life as possible, whilst avoiding everything connected with the aformentioned film. Go to the video store, gain points for hiring out a Hong Kong action film and a piece of French surrealism, but lose points for catching sight of a Titanic poster as you pass the "Really Popular Films" section. Take a taxi ride to a hip alternative nightclub, but get penalised for hearing Celine Dion wailing over the car stereo three times on the way there, and for hearing a couple of young girls trying to get into the club gushing about Leonardo is just so to die for.
The possibilities are endless. Completely inane and pointless, but endless...