Slashdot Mirror
Stupid Patent Contest Winners
Grand prize
Patent on Gratuitous Recognition Solicitation, by Erasmus Darwin.
This was an obvious choice. It captured the spirit and style of a real patent application in every way, and was so stupid that the USPTO would almost certainly approve it as a real application, given the way the office has been behaving (badly) the last few years.
Honorable Mentions
This was a harder choice, but we finally settled on these three:
One Handed Food, by Coplan, Drag-n-Drop Shopping, by booch, and Biological Lens Intermitent Natural Kovering(tm), by aidoneus
And here are the 11 entries that Slashdot moderators chose to grace with the coveted "Plus 5" ranking, from which we made the final selection. Winners, please email roblimo@slashdot.org to set up delivery for your prizes. I'll need your real names, street/shipping addresses, and (for tshirts) your shirt size.
Thanks to everyone who entered. This has been great fun.
The only thing we regret is that this amazingly stupid patent wasn't an entry. But it wouldn't have been eligble anyway because, believe it or not, it's real!
Well, the links will redirect to the static page, but you won't be able to go directly to the comment. I don't really keep up on slashcode updates and ideas, but here's a fairly simple fix:
make the comment titles anchors with respect to their cid. i.e. <A NAME="cid33">Title of Article</A> Then when the comments.pl redirects to the static, it also redirects with respect to that anchor #cid33
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
I only post comments when someone on the internet is wrong.
Why not submit Gratuitous Recognition Solicitation for a patent. Maybe clean it up a little bit, but hell, submit it. What'll they say? No? What if they say yes? That would be perfect ammunition against the patent office. Hell, why not slashdot the patent office with phony patent applications to screw up the works, slow them down and ruin their credibiltiy (well, more than it has been). /. should patent shitting or something more inane...that would really get someone's attention in Washington.
Not really, but each comment does get an anchor tag with the CID when it's archived, so individual comments can still be referenced that way.
They often use a plastic sheet to protect screens of clear plastic when shipping. They're sort of "stuck" on without adhevsive. Nokia phones have one over the screen as do sony VCRs etc..
Neither the microchip nor penicillin were patented. But then, you knew that, didn't you.
Here is a link to that amazingly stupid patent on the IBM patent archive.
Translation: Trouble makers, stand up and be identified. Reward, one t-shirt.
I know I've seen this concept somewhere else, but where?
I suppose that this post is a wise-ass comment, one of 900 or so submitted for your entertainment, but wise ass was not covered.
Friends don't help friends install M$ junk.
As mentioned in the first reply to the One Handed Food suggestion, there's prior art on that one. It was the theme of a week's worth of the Sally Forth newspaper comic in early October. In fact, that's the batch that's in "2-week delay mode" as I write this...
"But remember, most lynch mobs aren't this nice." (H.Simpson)
-- Joe
I thought they said the 11 posts got the 'coveted +5'... mine's on there with a big fat Score: 2. Whoopee. ;-/
(Thanks, though!)
The Divine Creatrix in a Mortal Shell that stays Crunchy in Milk
The House Between - Original Sci-Fi Series
you're right. with holiday season approaching, there'd be nothing more i'd like to give bill warman than a metric-fuckton of hard copy prior art delivered to his door so i never have to hear about him ever again.
"I hope I don't make a mistake and manage to remain a virgin." - Britney Spears
Thanks for the clue.
The Divine Creatrix in a Mortal Shell that stays Crunchy in Milk
The House Between - Original Sci-Fi Series
I am just curious if any slashdot people actually work in a patent office or related?
Respond to s
I don't know how long ago I read about using 3M's Magic tape over the Palm's screen, and specifically the grafiti area, but surely such published use would constitute prior art rendering this patent invalid?
Matt Thompson - Actuality - Insert product here.
It doesn't work once the story gets archived, so the links listed above won't function properly after then. Is there a solution in the works for the slashcode?
I use Macs for work, Linux for education, and Windows for cardplaying.
>Chalk this one up as another abuse of the patent system. I can't imagine why
> the patent office didn't throw this one out... the reviewer must never have
> owned an electronic device or even an etch-a-sketch.
Could it be because of the words ``weather-proofing" and ``fish-finder"? Not being a commercial fisherman, I'd guess that in the late 1980's they did not have water-proofed viewing screens, & this guy came up with this as one solution, then patented it with dreams of making a fortune.
And what happened? The obvious solution: the companies making fish-finders started making monitors that were sealed against the weather. This dweeb's patent was worthless.
Until PDAs became popular, & people started protecting the screen by putting a clear adhesive over it. This dweeb saw his chance to make some money, & pay off his landshark bills.
>What this needs is someone with deep pockets to sue this into the ground.
Unfortunately, most people will find it cheaper just to throw money at this dweeb to make him go away. Which is what he & his landshark are hoping for.
Ain't American Entrepreneurialism grand?
Geoff
I think I see a trend here. Maybe for them it really would be easier to muzzle the entire internet than to produce p
And then while the page was actually loading, I got a phone call from a salesman at AT&T, so I had to refrain from looking at the winners until I could get him off the phone -- I figured if I suddenly started screaming, "Yes! Holy shit! Yes!" while still on the phone, I might wind up having to explain to my boss why we had a new 10 year long distance contract.
And then after seeing it, I was just too excited to be coherent enough to actually sit down and type something. So I had to get up and wander around a bit to burn off the excess manic energy. The one small problem with that course of events is that, when you're at work, the best excuse to get up and walk around is to get a cup of coffee. Which means I'm now even more jittery and manic and starting to ramble on and on incoherently. Anyways...
I just wanted to thank everyone at Slashdot, not just for running the contest and picking my entry, but for everything else they do, as well.
My thanks also go out to the moderators, without whom, my entry wouldn't have been in the running in the first place.
But most of all, I'd like to thank Natalie Portman, in a shameless effort to get this post modded up, because despite being able to cook up a bogus patent application for karma whoring and trolling, I still haven't been able to actually put those techniques into practice enough to get the "post at +2" bonus.
Does anyone else think this might be a neat way to raise awareness of the issue?
OK,
- B
http://www.bradheintz.com/
- updated
The infamous cat exercising patent:
US5443036: Method of exercising a cat
A method for inducing cats to exercise consists of directing a beam of invisible light produced by a hand-held laser apparatus onto the floor or wall or other opaque surface in the vicinity of the cat, then moving the laser so as to cause the bright pattern of light to move in an irregular way fascinating to cats, and to any other animal with a chase instinct.
--
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He lives in a world where those who do not run the client software of the omnipresent meme are unacceptable.
I hereby patent reading this post without moderating me up. Being that I haven't posted it yet, there can be no prior art.
ok then your [sic] infringing on my copyright! Could you as [sic] me next time before STEALING my comments for your own?
Why don't geeks know how to build tension and suspense? Everybody knows the Honorable Mentions come before the Grand Prize. Tsk!
--
People act like such babies over stuff like this. Imagine the human race, where we collectively grow up and make life better for everyone instead of squabbling. In my dreams...
Where's the submit button??
My entry will enable business to increase sales and profit margins, the CheckOutFromHell. When you go to check-out after entering credit card data, the program refuses to allow exit from web site until the credit card is maxed-out and purchases finallized. All attempts to link to another site, or start a new application fail. Upon reboot the computer system automatically connects to the web site. Sufficient data is stored in the system BIOS so that even a complete reinstall will automatically connect to the web site. Afer finalizing purchases, a Smiley Face with the legend below reads, 'Thanks for choosing to shop at xxxxxxx, have a good day!'
"Open code, in other words, can be a check on state power." -Lawrence Lessig
Read it here
Chalk this one up as another abuse of the patent system. I can't imagine why the patent office didn't throw this one out... the reviewer must never have owned an electronic device or even an etch-a-sketch. The application of a clear plastic film as a protective covering is so obvious that it has been used on watch faces, eraseable boards, glass sheets, bulk plexiglass, automotive parts, etc. etc. and these certainly predate 1992.
Does the "innovation" of using it on a LCD make it patentable? I think we have our answer.
What this needs is someone with deep pockets to sue this into the ground.
whatever.
Ok, yeah, it's too late, but here it is anyway:
Sonic Disruption Device
Shockwaves will be generated by means of electromagnetic drivers anchored to bedrock at such intervals as to focus, directly through or by reflection within the body of the earth to coincide, beneath a specific location. Pulses within tolerances of necessary harmonics will damage or destroy targeted structures above ground.
First test will be targeted at Zeeland, MI on Oct 18th.
--
Chief Frog Inspector
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
my patent on checking links before posting them is prohibiting people from posting quality content.
for some reason, even though I've granted a free-use license to my company, my boss is still reticent to check links before updating pages...