Broke into the old Quickies

Lets start things off with a thing of beauty: ChazeFroy notes that Malin Space Science Systems has tons of really excellent images from the Mars Global Surveyor. Now something of evil: TsEA sends us HTML magic: a true guideline for HTML usage. 3 things that prove that The net Will destroy humanity: BlackNova sent us a Magic 8-ball powered by Lego Mindstorms, Cuban sent us the pantscam (which is exactly what it sounds like) and _martini_ noted an online thermostat where you can twiddle the temperature at some guys house. Its only a matter of time before technology fights back: NMerriam sent us the truth about what computers think of us in this weeks Onion. But let us not forget that science has given us many wonderful things, like for example, lunatik17 pointed us at a bit about shooting your lawn with lasers instead of mowing. However, science has also given us gmr2048's story about testicular implants for animals so I guess we're kinda even so far. I suspect the only way to defend ourselves from technology is to understand it, and who better to teach topics like ISDN then sent a great way to have celebreties like Alicia Silverstone. Or Mr. Rogers teaching the RS232 pinout, Tonya Harding explaining a Cisco 700, and best of all, Darva Conger on the configure register of Cisco routers (thanks Ex Machina who got it from Memepool) Ever want to be a female olympic marathon champ? Jaster this years winner believes hornet stomach juice is the secret, so get started! Of course, to much of that stuff could wind you up on sent us the the next Darwin Awards (from Gambit Thirty-Two) Ant sent us a pair of stories about poop! (what does this guy do with his time?) What happens when your space toilet doesn't flush? All I know is I hope that I have some custom printed toilet paper to keep things under control. Finally, many people noted that you should call 1-800-888-3999, and select option 7. No, really.

Comments

Re:1-800-888-3999

[Apotsy]

It's "National Discount Brokers" or something like that. When the recording listing the menu choices gets to #7, the woman says, in complete dead pan:

If you would like to hear a duck quack, press 7.

Sure enough, when you press 7, you hear a recording of someone blaring on a duck call two times. Then it hangs up on you.

I can't believe they posted this to Slashdot. Companies that have 1-800 numbers get charged for each call that comes in. Those people are going to be in big trouble when management sees their 1-800 bill skyrocket due to a bunch of /.ers calling in to hear a duck quack. Ha, ha!

The most distrubing thing about Neuticles

[CaseyB]

Introducing NeuticlesUltra... A third Neuticles model - 30% softer than NeuticlesNatural! Now there are three firmness level selections- rigid, natural and super soft

There are people out there for whom the feel of their pets' testicles is important.

Re:The most distrubing thing about Neuticles

[romco]

"There are people out there for whom the feel of their pets' testicles is important."

...and you only need to read the endorsments to
find one....

"Neuticles are just plain neat!"
Rush Limbaugh

The poor web designer must have been wiping
tears from his eyes the whole time...

Re:1-800-888-3999

[drwiii]

MP3

THANKYOU!

[clinko]

"Thank you for your interest in patented Neuticles and the revolutionary CTI testicular implant procedure for pets. "

NO SIR, THANK YOU!

*Time to break out the credit card!*

1-800-888-3999

[anotherone]

I tried calling 1-800-888-3999 but it's busy. Is this the first time the /. effect has ever happened in real life as opposed to on the internet?

Anyone get through?
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Re:the pantscam

[Chiasmus_]

I can explain this. At least, as well as Jon Katz could.

The pantscam shows us the danger of American culture in conjunction with the internet. Americans have been obsessed with celebrity and exposure since the first non-silent motion pictures. Now, easy web access gives us the ability to gain as much exposure as we could possibly want.

The result? First, people start sticking web cams in front of their computers. Then, in their bedrooms, showers, refrigerators. Then, in their pants, toilets, and attached to their toothbrushes.

How can we reverse this trend? Well, we can't. Pretty soon, Americans will voluntarily be wearing these tremendous get-ups with cameras sticking every direction, which will enable them to be filmed twenty-four hours a day from fifty angles.

More bad puns from Plat - true story

[Platinum Dragon]

With apologies to Dave Barry, I Am Not Making This Up:

On the phone with my girlfriend right now, telling her about some of the quickies. This gem just kinda rolled out of my mouth...

"[...] there's a site called the pantscam, but it's down..."
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Re: More bad puns from Plat - true story

[fireproof]

I'd say "On the phone with my girlfriend right now, telling her about some of the quickies." is a gem in its own right . . .

----
"A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in revealing his own mind."

Re:the pantscam

[Ranger Rick]

Bzzt! Not one use of the word 'geek'.

You lose 10 points in the Dec-Katz-Alon.

:)

:wq!

Re:So what do we call it?

[anotherone]

Actually, there's already a term for this in the real world.

Phones aren't slashdotted, phones are busy.
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1-800-888-3999

[fireproof]

For those of you who missed out on the number thing, it's to National Discount Brokers, who apparently are a stock brokerage firm or something similar. In any case, there's a nice lady who reads off six important sounding brokerage-related options. She then says "If you would like to hear a duck quack, press 7." Upon pressing seven, you get to hear a duck quack twice.

----
"A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in revealing his own mind."