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"Iron Chef": The Movie?
imac.usr writes "Well, Coming Attractions never lies. Coming soon to a theater near you. Be sure to follow their link to the Lego Chef as well on iFilm." Words escape me.
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Hemos: Words escape me
Yes, Hemos, they typically do.
I can dream....
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This leads me to an interesting idea. How about a remake of the New York episode of Iron Chef.
We open with an ominous shot of the darkened kitchen stadium. The camera slowly crawls its way along the kitchen counters. James Earl Jones provides the narration:
For years Kitchen Stadium has been a bastion of Japanese culinary arts. Here tradition has been married to innovation as they struggle to guide an age old custom into the twenty first century. This is a land of honor and stoic struggle.
And today we loudmouth Americans are going to open a can of whupass on those foreign bastards.
Now we cut away to a high speed Mtv style montage of New York City intermixed with bartenders doing silly tricks with botttles and Emeril going 'Bam'. After a suitably driving techno beat builds up to fever pitch, we close in on that guy from the boxing matchs yelling "Let's get ready to RRRRRUUUUMMMBBBLLLLEEE".
Next shot, interior of kitchen stadium. The stands are packed with screaming american fans. Some imported dutcg soccer hooligans are hitting on the clueless Japanese actress in the judging booth. They start to do the wave. The normally reserved Iron Chefs are visibly disturbed by the noise and commotion. Except for the curiously stoic Iron Chef Hong Kong. Wait, Iron Chef Hong Kong? Who could that be? Why its Jet Li. And Jet doesn't like loud, disrespectful fans in kitchen stadium. He proceeds to make his displeasure known, in ways that only Mr. Li can.
He plucks a live squid from the seafood tank. A few wild whirls of wicked whipping tentacles and several fans are going to be pissing black ink for the next few weeks. Emiril Lagasse leaps from the stands to come to the defense of a soon to be defenestrated David Rosengarten only to find himself on the recieving end of the razor sharp edge of a cluster of Japanese War Seaweed. Emeril will Bam! no more.
Sneaking behind Jet is the treacherous she-cook from Hades: Martha Stewart. It seems that she's got the drop on him. Little does she know that that was no clueless ingenue in the judging panel. It was HK movie star and protecter of Asian Cooking Shows the world over Michelle Yeoh. Before the Mistress of Affordable KMart Housewares knows what has happened, Yeoh rains down a storm of Wustoff-Trident death on the housemaking maven. The finely tempered German knives pierce Martha's lungs, killing her instantly.
A hush settles over the survivorsa of the crowd. Only Bobby Flay is unharmed on the Western side of the conflict. Iron Chef Japan Masaharu Morimoto stands before him, his hand on the sword at his side. (Who knew Wustoff-Trident made katanas, too). A thin bead of sweat makes its way down Flay's quivering face. Morimoto adresses the once cocky now urine soaked cook. He says: A true chef does not disrespect his stove by standing on it. Now the blade flies from its sheath. Now Flay dies.
Fade to Black.
Wir mussen wissen. Wir warden wissen. I am a wuss
That made my Monday. Thank you!
/."
"I'm not a bitch, I just play one on
The House Between - Original Sci-Fi Series
Just get the same crew who did Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to do the special effects. Or at least the intro.
I can see Chen Kenichi flying through mid air attacking Morimoto holding his blowtorch...
Well, I don't know about that. The dude from San Francisco won (and is featured prominently in the opening sequence,) while all the Japanese guys that the Ohta faction kept sending after Morimota kept getting their collective asses kicked. Granted, the Iron Chefs win an awful lot, but they do have "home kitchen" advantage, and given the "save face" mentality of the Japanese culture, I would suspect that in most cases, judges throw ties to the Iron Chef.
Remember the episode where Kaga boycotted because the ICs had lost three in a row?
For those of you interested in seeing Iron Chef now, go to Food Network . It has the upcoming episode's time and ingredient. Enjoy.
Beowulf Clusters!
General Relativity: Space-time tells matter where to go; Matter tells space-time what shape to be.
I can already see visions of bastardized american versions of the IC's:
Iron Chef Hamburger
Iron Chef BBQ
Iron Chef Vegitarian
And the mysterious 4th Iron Chef...
Iron Chef Leftovers
So who would you cast to play the Iron Chefs, if you couldn't get the real thing?
Call on God, but row AWAY from the rocks!
For anyone wondering, you can find the set of Lego's used in this film here.
Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
http://www.wpi.edu/~riffraff/irongame.html
http://www.ironchef.com/irongame.shtml
God does not play dice with the universe. Albert Einstein
Those who fail to understand communication protocols, are doomed to repeat them over port 80.
I saw The Chinese Feast on the International Channel over the weekends, or at least parts of it. The subtitles were hard to follow and I kept leaving (the International Channel doesn't have normal commercial breaks), but the opening battle was great and I found it to be rather funny.
I don't know about God of Cookery, but if it was definitely worth the title of "Iron Movie".
--
>For a real treat, watch Iron Chef while drunk.
I'll drink to that! We had a NYE party at a friend's house and he had the IC marathon on.
I'd seen this show a couple of times and didn't really get it. Made a lot more sense watching it totally blitzed.
There is much cruelty in the universe, John.
Yeah, we seem to have the tour map.
Hyurde furhy Slasha dota Bork Bork Bork!!!
Game: Player 'Donald J Trump' now has AI skill level 'experimental'.
I am not sure if he always wins because he is a better chef or not. I think the judges shouldn't be allowed to know whose food they are eating. Also it seems that while the judges are all Japanese sometimes the Iron chef's opponent isn't. Could it be that this gives the Iron chef an advantage? If nothing else he knows how to cook for the pallete of people from Japan. Anyway he wins so often that sometimes I wonder if it is fixed. The time limit is interesting though. You have to cook good food fast!
If you aren't into Iron Chef yet, you simply must check it out. There's a great Iron Chef site at www.ironchef.com. See their great FAQ if you're new to it.
For a real treat, watch Iron Chef while drunk.
There is already a movie king of about Iron Chef. Its called God Of Cookery. Its a hong kong film, so its in Cantonese. It kind of the same premise as the Iron Chef movie, but in this onehe start off as the iron chef (or as they call him, god of cookery) and is dethroned and has to work his way up. If you like Iron Chef, I recommend you check it out. (If you happen to live in austin, I think vulcan video has it)