Slashdot Mirror
Gadget-Heavy Trucks For Fun And Mayhem
"The Bluetooth PAN will be created using BlueDrekar and Bluetooth Ethernet Emulator. You will be able to inter-connect PDA, cellphones, and a laptops to play games, exchange data, and control things like the doors, lights of the car, and stereo. TSpaces will be the backbone communication middleware for accessing and controlling the electrical functions of the car. They are going to use Blue Eyes, a user interface that detects a person's eyeballs and responds to blinking commands to turn on/off the lights and doors of the car. ViaVoice will perform voice recognition email management, voice-activated control of air conditioning in the car, as well as voice-enabled access to MP3 files through the car stereo system. The car will debut at a conference in San Francisco."
It's called the 'Excursion.' It's really the ultimate battle vehicle:
- It is HUGE. This strikes fear into the hearts of your bravest enemies
- Because of the size, it can ram anything off the road, even Suburbans
- It has bars that pop down from underneath it when you try to run something over, just in case your enemy saw Speed and wants to go under you
- The ultimate Gas Embargo: rather than helping you cut off a nation's supply of gas, it simply uses it up before they can
- Built for modern war, this is a real suburban assault vehicle
- Large enough to smuggle small european nations in the back
Thes things are going fast! Buy now!
And for the ultimate in biological warfare, check out the Aztek: Ugly enough to cause enemies to vomit upon seeing it.
Remind me, just when did they discover oil in Somalia? I must have missed it. So did the CIA, for that matter:
--
Quality of my life has defenetely risen since I was able to buy one of the new Tracks equiped with the best army stuff they stole from Bond movies. Now, when I take the track to the shop, they don't just check oil levels and wipe the windshield. They also check the levels of plutonium for my laser turret with 360degree of freedom. I load cannons with enough ammo for a two way grocery trip. Every time I take highway on my way home from work, I push the button to dump enough nails and sharp edged pieces of coil behind me, so that no one would try to cut me of, I even added an extra powered air pump to the sprayer. This way the nails cover all four lanes. My night vision cameras and heat seaking missiles are very convenient for an evening tour of the city. Did I mention that the track can also float in the water? That's a super. Once I tried using the laser to blast a car barrier in the shopping mall when someone double parked me, I got a ticket that time. Damn. In any case, I sure am glad that the army decided to start selling these babies to general public, they are to die for!
You can't handle the truth.
Here is another article about the new US army's truck
I sure hope this works better than the Navy's "Smart Ship"...
("Major Emciessi! It's General Protectionfault on the phone! He demands to know why our SmarTrucks' laser keep spontaneously activating themselves and burning '1 0wn J00!' into nearby objects!...)
---
Hacker Public Radio is our Friend
In case you haven't read the article, this very first paragraph stopped me in my tracks:
;-)
It was a direct order from the high command: Before designers at the Army's National Automotive Center in Warren began creating their first-ever concept truck, they had to watch four James Bond movies.
Wow. Generals *can* be geeks!
--
Aaron Sherman (ajs@ajs.com)
Only the Bush administration would be able to approve this and pull it off. The next SmarTruck after this will feature high-pressure hoses blasting oil for hundreds of feet to knock down walls, launching "hot-oil ballons" over hills to burst on enemy's heads, and creating an even bigger demand for more oil drilling.
This isn't meant for use as a weapon. It's meant to ensure Bush stays rich even after we have orbiting solar power sats sending us terawatts of free power via microwave beams.
:-)
You cannot apply a technological solution to a sociological problem. (Edwards' Law)
Yes, the US does have destructive lasers. On June 7 of last year, the US Army shot down a missile using a laser. Here's a SpaceDaily.com story on the test. Here's a Slashdot story on equipping a 747 with a laser to shoot down missiles.
One of SmarTruck's advanced features, all-wheel steering, is due out on some 2002 GM vehicles.
All wheel steering really isn't that new. Honda Preludes had this feature in the late 80's to early 90's IIRC. Looks like GM uses Microsoft's definition of innovation. Still, the SmarTruck (wtf kinda name is that, anyway?) looks like the ultimate road-rage vehicle. Just the thing for those crowded L.A. freeways.
I take drugs seriously.
I could have just given them my 1986 Oldsmobile Delta 88, and saved them a few million dollars.
----
Your mind is squeezed by a blast of pain!
We are ABOVE a third-world city street. Directly below us, the SmarTruck is zooming along at 75mph. Most of the traffic (animals, bikes, cars) is pulled over, but the SmarTruck is being pursued by four cop cars, and a helicopter. All are firing at the SmarTruck.
We SWITCH views to INSIDE the SmarTruck, our perspective is that of the proverbial bug on the windshield looking into the car. We see the Driver, a US Army enlisted man. In the passenger seat, but edging almost into the driver's seat is a Scantily-Clad Bond-Type Woman. Blonde, sexy, etc.
Woman: They're firing at us! We're going to die!
Army guy: (laughes) That'll be the day...
We see the Army Guy manipulating controls on the dash. After each button is pressed, we switch views to SEE: An oil slick and tacks spilling out of the rear bumper, and the cop cars skidding out of control. The laser turret pops out, and shoots down the helicopter. An approaching squad of evil-looking soldiers is exposed to tear gas and grenade volleys. We SWITCH back to the car.
Woman: Oh John, you saved out lives!
Army Guy: I never go out without protection.
The Woman starts to remove her shirt as we fade out to a montage of scenes of the SmarTruck in action.
Narrator: Be an army of one. Join today.
(end of ad)
Please note, it was not my intention to give offense. This is a simple spoof of US Army ads and James Bond movies. If I have given offense, I sincerely apologize.
I'm the stranger...posting to