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Protect Your Computer From Theft
mirko writes "This story is about Personal Computer Security, it describes an efficient way not to have your computer stolen, even if you let it in front of your home for some weeks (Well in this case, it finally was stolen but its owner quickly found it back). You'll need some concrete and a shovel to have your investment secured, though..." Allright, this is just funny as hell. Enjoy.
"My machine is a real boat anchor."
"Rock Solid Windows NT!!!"
"I've heard of firewalls, but that's ridiculous!"
"Dude, I c4n't haX0r th15 1337 b0xen - i've run ito a wall..."
.. and overheard in marketing: "OK, the Engineering Department has our new machine's specs set in concrete."
C'mon - everybody join in....
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." - Anonymous
Macs are already hard enough to upgrade.
--
Sometimes it's best to just let stupid people be stupid.
...that "you're a criminal, you're stupid" touch. I'd like to see an extension of the original idea:
Take a nice Dell/Compaq/whoever box from a new PC. (For you computer guys/gals, I mean cardboard box, not the "computer" or "CPU" if I may use your lingo)
Get an old PC, do the concrete trick. Or, go one more and use lead or depleted uranium in lieu of concrete. Place computer in cardboard box and seal box (assuming you can lift the computer... a crane of some sort might be necessary).
Leave box on front porch with note from UPS. Video tape morons as they try to steal it. (You could even contact the police and participate in a massive sting operation). Post videos to website, and proceed to be slashdotted.
My neighborhood won't work for this, so I humbly beg an upstanding member of the community to push forth with these plans and then entertain us all with keen wit (and video evidence).
Security through obscurity: Get hundreds of empty cases and leave them on your lawn, camoflaging your one PC that actually works.
Security through insects: Fill it with hornets.
Security through insecurty: Install outlook. Label accordingly, and leave anywhere near the VA linux offices.
But besides that, what I have done in my house to prevent some pre-puberty bastard from taking my pride and jow was this;
Picked up a few 486 and 386 computers from a swap meet, I believe I traded a couple 3Com NICs for them.
Placed my main machines inside a closet and ran extentions for the video, mouse, and keyboard to an omnicube to switch between them.
Set the ever so beautiful 3(4)86 boxes in the computer shelves of mine and my wifes desks with an extra one of the floor beside my desk and ran dummy cables to the outlets in the back.
And of course, locked the closet with the main systems in it.
I know this isn't real security, only obscurity, but it does serve it's purpose. I picked the idea up from a friend of mine in Sterling Hts. Michigan who had someone break into his house. They took his 386 and monitor but left his real machine which was locked in a hollowed out filing cabinet sitting next to his desk. Which insurance payed for a new monitor and computer. (wonder if that was legal). But never the less it worked. I on the other hand have two extra large based cooling fans in the closet on thermostats to keep the temp in the closet down. I am running 1 server and 2 workstations, plus a firewall, all hidden in that locked closet.
As of today no one has broken in, and I hope they never do. But while I am at work I have a little peace of mind in knowing I have done what I could to protect what is probably on of the 5 largest investments in my life.