Slashdot Mirror
Nokia 5510 - Cell Phone and More
matthew.thompson writes: "Nokia have released a phone to give the RIAA nightmares - it includes built in MP3 playing AND encoding and an FM stereo radio - so you can MP3 up tracks from the Radio or from an external source via a line in jack. It's also got a full qwerty style keyboard and GameBoy Advance style layout. RIAA headache inducing features here and piccies etc here." I'm not quite sure how this works - Nokia's page says the gizmo plays "secure" mp3 files, which sounds to me as if it is crippled. Here are some hi-res photos. Update: 10/11 12:59 GMT by M : Ahh, my misreading. It says "secure AAC and MP3 files", and apparently "secure" is intended to apply only to AAC. According to the FAQ, the phone is crippled - only stores crippled AAC files, not unencumbered mp3's. A shame.
Imagine a Beowulf cluster of THESE!
Mate, I'm just sitting in each empty story waiting for you to appear (you're a bit slow) so I can moderate your arse down....
Notice how you never see any "first moderation" posts ??
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. - George Best
Every day for the past month, I have spent eight or more hours staring at the slash motel, remembering the great old days of goatsex, when a dark cloud spread from geekizoid to envelope every weblog that dared target itself at geeks, monster-assed femigeeks, and democrats. I wondered morosely if we were ever going to see those days again. Oh, Vladinator, I moaned in my darkest hours of dereliction, wherefore hast thou foresaken us! Oh, Dan "flikx" Flickinger, I moaned, thou art a total faggot!
A month's meditation has born strange fruit indeed, for I have now penetrated the mists of time and deception, and I finally see clearly, the truth of our existance. And, incidentally, the truth about geekizoid. Read on, if you daaarrrreee!
The man you once knew as "Vladinator", never even existed. He was an invention of a diabolical internet conspiracy that threatens to devour us all. Even now I am not certain that I have escaped it's clutches. You guys haven't, by the way. I'm pretty certain that you're all totally fucked. "Vladinator" was the name of a top secret israeli trolling offensive against noted islamic leader, Rashid Murhakbudar Hal-Hakmannah ibn Al-Fashiwah ibn Hakkakburah, known to we unsuspecting westerners as Jon Katz.
As we all know, Katz is a manipulative bedouin child-rapist, descended from the filthy bedouin savages who once raped english soldiers in the sahara. He was sent here to America to pervert our nations youth and celebrate their use of deadly force to overcome minor bullying and their own self-hatred. Katz's anti-christian attacks on the heartland of America had born bitter fruit for our mighty nation, and the whole world was reeling at Katz's audacity and lack of journalistic ethics.
Meanwhile, at the geek compound, CmdrTaco awoke to a strange sensation. Overnight, his penis seemed to have tripled in length and width, and grown considerably harder. "Hmm," thought Rob, "Three whole inches. How am I going to go pee-pee with this thing pointing up at an angle like that?" Then Taco noticed something that made hime stop short in horror! Someone had absconded with his beloved foreskin! Some dastardly jew or catholic had stolen into his bedroom and circumcised him in his sleep!
As CmdrTaco pulled on his favourite pair of Free Dmitry pants from thinkgeek, he wondered how he was going to conceal his enormous throbbing penis, with it's obscenely prominent foreskinless purple head. After trying for ten minutes to close his fly over the profane protruberance, he gave up and resolved to remain indoors, until things returned to normal. He went downstairs to let Hemos out of the dungeon, all the time hoping and praying that this was just a short term virus. He didn't relish having to walk to the doctor in this state!
-----
Deep inside his secret arabic lair, miles beneath Afghanistan, Jon Katz was torturing an five year old afghanistani with a script he'd written using Perl. "AAwwwehhh," screamed this afghanistani, "It's ugly and poorly designed. It's slow and memory intensive. Larry Wall is an annoying nerd with a harpy for a daughter. Tom Christianson is just a stupid fuck. mod_perl is bloated crashware. Make it stop!"
"Muahahahaha! Foolish Muhammed Omar," gloated Jon Katz, "only a starving afghanistani geek-child would follow me into a dark alley for a single caffeine pill! Now you are my underage he-bitch! Luckily, since this country lacks a hardline religious government, there are no statutary rape laws! Your fate is sealed!"
"You will not feminise me, pig-dog of Shaitan!" spat Muhammed Omar.
"Shut up and put on this all-concealing chador," said Katz, "I want to fuck your dirty asshole, naughty he-girl!"
"Don't fuck me, Jon Katz!" yelped Muhammed Omar, as Jon Katz forced his gnarled and uncircumcised penis between Muhammed Omar's boyish ass-cheeks.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the treaty line in Communist Kazakhistan, a hale-bearded Kazakhistani herdsman named Richard Marx Stallman was imagining a world where property was infinitely copyable, and stealing was not only OK, it was a moral obligation. "Damn," said Richard, "I gotta lay off the Kazakhistani goat-liquor."
Little did Richard know, the goat he was currently fucking was none other than Eric "Mussolini" Raymond, a fascist spy diguised as a goat! "Baaahhhh," said Eric. His bestial acts of espionage had born tender juicy fruit. "This free software crap will really decimate the capitalists, forcing the people to oust the leftivist liberal hippies and install my puppet dictators! All I need now is an earnest, boisterous-buttocked Finnish boy named Linus Torvalds, and an arabic child-rapist, and my network of evil will be complete!" At that exact point, Richard Marx Stallman released a tidal wave of filthy communist semen into Eric's goatlike rectum.
-----
"What am I gonna do, Jeff "Hemos" Bates," sobbed CmdrTaco through streams of girlish tears, "This enormous three inch phallus will shatter my girlish appeal! Now the geeks will stop talking to me."
"Don't worry, CmdrTaco, we'll think of something," said Jeff "Hemos" Bates, eyeing the offending organ. As he examined and carefully handles it's distended surfaces, Jeff "Hemos" Bates felt a stirring in his own "Free Dmitry!" underpants. Quickly stripping naked, Jeff "Hemos" Bates was stunned to see that he too had contracted the disgusting pubic pathogen!
"Oh no CmdrTaco! You've infected me!"
"I'm so sorry, Jeff "Hemos" Bates. How are we going to be healed of this venereal virus?"
CmdrTaco wondered if thinkgeek sold a pair of "Free Dmitry" pants big enough to conceal his deformity. He decided that he would have to stay inside until he and Jeff "Hemos" Bates could find a cure. He began to prepare himself for a close examination of his and his companion's diseased groins.
At that moment, Muhammed Omar was giving birth. Jon Katz's diabolical sperm had impregnated his five year old rectum, and had caused a baby to mature inside him in only ten days, incidentally causing him massive constipation.
Omar pushed and strained to eject the unnatural baby.
"This feminisation will not go unavenged, Jon Katz! I will destroy your entire nation, see if I don't! Revenge will be mine!"
Labour pains wracked Omar's five year old male body. Haemorrhoids burst from his anus, as it stretched to inhuman widths to pass the unnatural progeny of Jon Katz.
As the baby's head emerged from Omar's rectum, coated in faecal matter, it was clear that the baby was already a full-grown male.
With the head out, the rest of the child's six foot frame was ejected from Omars body faster than a stream of liquid shit from the anus of an asian bathtub woman rushing into the mouth of the same asian woman.
Gasping for breath after his ordeal, the five year old Omar too his first look at his son.
"You shall be the vehicle of my revenge," spoke Muhammed Omar, "you will exact my revenge from Jon Katz."
Omar and his son regarded each other with awe and childish curiousity.
"You shall be named George," decided Muhammed Omar, "George WIPO Bush."
George WIPO Bush smiled, flexing his enormous muscles, and said his first words.
"Katz shall soon find his new residence in the all consuming depths of my anus! Your revenge begins!"
"You are a true son to your father, " laughed Omar, "but I have one more order for you. None must know the secret of your birth. None shall ever see my distended anus."
George WIPO Bush nodded in acquiescence, "It shall be as you say, father."
Little did George WIPO Bush and Muhammed Omar know, another one of Jon Katz's child-rape victims had grown to adulthood in darkest Omaha. Deep in the bowels of the great satan, . man prepared his own revenge, under the watchful eye of his stillborn child, kept forever young in a jar of preserving fluid. . man smiled and stroked the edges of his own enormous anus.
Once it had begun, nothing would be able to stop the vengeance.
-------
The best way to upset liberals is to tell them the truth
- Thomas Jefferson
The Koran
"....Kill those who join other gods with Allah wherever you find them; besiege them, seize them, lay in wait for them with every kind of ambush...." (Sura 9:5)
"When you encounter the unbelievers, strike off their heads, until ye have made a great slaughter among them...." (Sura 47:4)
"....Make war upon such of those to whom the Scriptures have been given as believe not in Allah, or in the Last Day, and who forbid not what Allah and His Apostle have forbidden....until they pay tribute..." (Sura 9:29)
"Say to the infidels: If they desist, what is now past shall be forgiven them; but if they return, they have already before them the doom of the ancients! Fight then against them till strife be at an end, and the religion be all of it Allah's." (Sura 8:39)
"Proclaim a grievious penalty to those who reject faith." (Sura 9:3).
"I will instill terror into the hearts of the unbelievers: Smite ye above their necks and smite all their finger-tips off them." (Sura 8.12)
"Let not the unbelievers think they will ever get away... strike terror into the enemy of God and your enemy... rouse the faithful to arms!" (Sura 8:59)
Like Oprah said, what a beautiful religion.
"This web site provides a simple service - when you find a page on the web whose address is too long to paste into an email or other document, you can use our free service to generate a shorter, simpler address."
Cool, eh?
Check it out!
Can I see your hardware thingie?
Because the USA has a pathetic mobile phone infrastructure.
I'll never see it in America then!! Lucky Europeans :(
If the government needs to find you THAT badly, they'll just triangulate on your signal. Do you REALLY want your wife knowing you're calling from the strip club when you're supposed to be at the gym?
Actully...
S-U-M-M-A-R-I-S-E
Fucking Yanks. More planes in buildings, that's what you people need.
Um, either you're stupid or super-stupid but when you moderate and then POST to the same story it doesn't count.
... (does a personal insult from CmdrTaco count as + or - karma ??)
Thats why I modded him down in other story FP attempts, but not in this one (I saw someone else did it first, hence the thought that maybe there are a load of moderators sitting around doing their own first-moderation competition, waiting for the first idiot to show up, but silently).
Plus, you're a jackass.
Maybe... but I've been worse
T
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. - George Best
Would those be the same "innocent civilians" who were running around with assault rifles and anti-tank weapons, hijacking food convoys, shooting down helicopters, and ambushing our troops? I'm sure that MSGT Gary Gordon and SFC Randall Shughart, who were posthumously awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for rescuing the crew of a downed helicopter, would disagree with your characterization of their killers as "innocent civilians".
Why is it that the proponents of "one nation under God" are so eager to get rid of "liberty and justice for all"?
In your 'humble' opinion, of course *cough*.
Oh, and BTW - when are the US and UK going to start bombing Ireland (N and S) for harboring terrorists and refusing to release them? Spain for housing ETA? Israel and Palestine? Georgia? Or would this just be a totally self-serving politically motivated campaign like the rest of the US' foreign policy for the past 50 years?
Don't you understand why these terrosts did what they did yet or do I have to spell it out for you again?
p.s. All your satellite surveillance, ID cards, work permits and trillion-dollar defense industry *REALLY* stopped Timothy McVeigh, didn't they...