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Merry Christmas
I'm off to visit the fam... I hope you all have the ability to spend the holidays
with the ones who mean the most to you: even if those are friends
like Solid Snake or Rikku, or actual family. Merry Christmas to you all,
if you made a good haul this year from the fatman, feel free to share.
Off from work, that's for sure.
A working phone line (beware moving the week before christmas)
Internet Connectivity (ditto)
Laid
Over this stupid flu
Letter from Credit Card Companies saying "Hey, that's okay.. don't worry about that $15k you owe us, we'll call it even."
On the other hand, if I can get my ass up in 3 hours, my mom has invited me over for free food! Fuck socks, money, and cheap Walmart bullshit, I want turkey! To hell with Chef Boyardee for a day! woohoo!
Merry xmas to everyone!
If you were me, you'd be good lookin'. - six string samurai
lol, a turkey as a tip?
"yeah, that'll be $12 for the pizza and breadsticks."
"Okay, here you go.. oh, and here's a tip for ya -" and he hands him a giant 20 lb. turkey
The moral of this story? Go to college.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead by now.
In a real emergency, we would have all fled in terror, and you would not have been notified.
1. A photon light for my mom. It was a turquoise photon II.
2. A Sarah Brightman CD for my dad as well as a micro-tapemeasure so he won't have to lug one of his big ones around anymore when he wants to measure something at a store. I can hear the CD playing right now.
3. A set of nice gel pens for my sister as well as this really fancy popcorn she'd been eyeing. She was more pleased with the popcorn, haha.
4. Need For Speed: Porsche Unleashed for my brother. He was more thrilled by the new drum set our parents got him ;-)
Santa's Rebuttal
NORTH POLE, SANTA'S VILLAGE - For Immediate Release
It has come to the attention of Santa's workshop that there have been disparaging remarks made in the press recently about Santa's very existence. Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish, so-called study.
As was admitted by the skeptics, there is only a very small probability of finding a flying reindeer. That is precisely because they are all located at the Workshop. Your very argument against Santa is proof of his existence! As is widely known (Re: the excellent historical documentaries "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer") the flying reindeer are not a separate species, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns, which is passed on in their offspring.
A series of cascading assumptions have been relied upon to show the "impossibility" of delivering all presents in one Christmas. For example, there was assumed a uniform distribution of children across homes. Toronto/Yorkville, or NYC/SOHO, or other yuppie neighborhoods, have less than the average (and don't forget the DINK/SINK homes (Double Income No Kids, Single Income No Kids)), while the Catholic (the predominant Christian denomination) families with 10 children would skew that derived 15% of homes down a few percent.
You've also assumed that each home that has kids would have at least one good kid. Let us assure you that anti-selection applies, and homes with good kids tend to have more than their share of good kids? Still other single-child homes are notorious for spoiled "naughty" children and average 55% delivery on a good year. Let's drop that number of homes down a few more percent.
A simple history lesson reminds us that, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome, prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern "Orthodox" Churches do not recognize the Gregorian correction for liturgical events, and their Christmas is, as a result, several days after that of the Western Churches'. Thus, Santa's schedule is not as tight as previously indicated.
Santa does indeed FedEx a number of packages ahead of time, since he is not be able to fly into Air Force Bases, or into tower- controlled areas near airports. He's certainly not into dodging SCUD missiles over the no-fly zones in Iraq, so he uses DHL there. Subtract some more homes.
In regards to speed and time, we can't reveal all the details, but let us remind you of basic relativity theory: The faster you go, the slower time progresses. Do you think StarTrek came up with the idea of warp drive? So, if Santa could go faster than light, then he can easily visit all the good children which are not uniformly distributed by either concentration in each home or by number of children per household, and get home before he left so he can digest all those stale cookies and warm milk. (Has anyone thought of ice cubes?)
Aha, you say, Enterprise has matter-antimatter warp engines, Santa only has reindeer, where does he get the power to move that fast? The answer is right before your skeptical eyes! The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. This is an ample supply of energy for the maneuvering, acceleration, etc., that would be required of the loaded sleigh. The reindeer don't evaporate or incinerate or get crushed because of this energy; they accelerate! What do you think they have antlers for, fighting over females? Think of antlers as furry shield generator arrays.
The issue of weight constraints and delivery methods also shows a shocking lack of knowledge of basic matter/energy relations and beginning quantum physics. (Picture a two dimensional complex function mapped to the surface of a sphere with approximately 9000 nodal surfaces, and 18 million regions of relatively high amplitude.) Assuming this is getting way ahead of most people's conceptual limits, we'll just say that Captain Kirk wasn't the first to say "beam me down." Transporters, replicators, and holo-projections have been standard equipment in some workshops and certain aerospace vehicle way before the 24th century.
If that's not enough, watch the news on the 24th at 11 o'clock. NORAD (one of the few government agencies with more than 3 initials in it's name and therefore more trustworthy than the rest) tracks Santa every year and displays radar shots of him approaching from the North Pole. They haven't bombarded him yet, so they must believe too, right?
We certainly hope this clears up any damage caused by the bad press. Santa dead, indeed--some people will twist any statistic model to "prove" their cynical theory.
Merry christmas from Okinawa! Got some practical gifts from the woman and burnt a $20 phone card talking to her for 2 hours which was good enough for me. All my Okinawan friends had to work today, but they promise new years will make up for it.
To all my fellow Marines, Airmen, Soldiers and Sailors who also spent christmas with thier loved ones via phone or internet:
Semper Fidelis, Merry Christmas, and thanks for helping keep the world a safer place!
I've dirtied my hands writing poetry, for the sake of seduction; that is, for the sake of a useful cause. --Dostoevsky
My mother got into a car accident in march of this year and has been in therapy for chronic back damage , my step dad damaged the disks in his lower back. As such, both have been a little tight for money recently. So my gifts to them this year were:
(1) Fixing their car for them
(2) Lending them money for 3 months.
(3) A little P2-266 for step sister who has never owned a computer before. She almost hyper ventilated when she got it. Sometimes the joy is in seeing something I take for granted, like technology, even old technology, greatly appreciated by someone who is not surrounded by it 24/7.
(4) One of those green bankers lamps for my girlfriend, every time we watch Law and Order she comments on how cool those lamps look
No I didn't get much, I don't want much, if I need something in the world of tech, I buy it for myself. The gifts that mean most to me are the ones where the person gives you a unique gift based upon something you love.
Example, my girlfriend gave me National Geographics 100 Best Pictures of All Time and Gladiator on DVD. Not high in monetary value, but very high meaning for me.
My girlfriend was listening to me all year, and picked on up on stupid little comments I had made months ago! The listening is a gift I appreciate...it's just one of those things that keeps on giving all year long.
A couple of years ago I ran across this song by Dar Williams called "Christians and Pagans". It's hilarious (+1) and insightful (+1), and it's been my favorite "Christmas" song ever since (except, perhaps, for John McCutcheon's "Christmas in the Trenches").
:). Plus, what's not to celebrate about the days getting longer.
So back in 1998 my brother and I started to throw "solstice" parties. We looked into various holiday and solstice traditions around the world. No real attempts at sorcery, bachannals, or blood, which I suppose some might expect. We wassail an apple tree, we make radish and butter carvings, we light and extinguish and light candles and talk about what we've done the last year and what we hope to do again. We have the "Urn of Fate" assign friends for the year. We sing "here comes the sun" and "christians and pagans". I'm sure any serious pagan would laugh at us, but it's our little chance to do things a little bit differently, remember there's other cultures and traditions in the world, and perhaps find magic/life/spirit in an unexpected place or two.
I'm still a reasonably solid Christian. OK, I occasionally go for bouts of rational agnosticism, but for the most part, I've found that Christianity as a spiritual practice seems to have something to it. So still I'm a little uncomfortable singing that line from Dar's song "sending hope for peace on earth to all their Gods and Goddesses". But I like this new tradition of looking at other traditions and fashioning new ones from it, and we're going to keep it up, as well as gathering on Christmas day and reading Luke 2 (stopping before we have to explain circumcision to the kids
Libertarianism is rich wolves and poor sheep playing gambler's ruin for dinner.