A Warrior's Programming Language

BlackNova writes "Var'aq is "a speculative glance at what a programming language on a Klingon computer system would look like." Make sure to read the Preliminary Specification and the Proposed Extensions."

Comments

Interesting!

[Anonymous Coward]

3
2
6
2
3
3
6
6
2
5
8
4
6
5
6
2
2
8
6
3
7
1
9
4
1
6
7
4
4
5
1
9
6
7
6
5
1
6
2
9
5
8
3
3
6
9
2
7
3
3
3
8
6
9
5
3
5
4
7
5
8
6
7
5
8
6
8
4
6
1
3
4
9
9
5
2
8
5
5
1
2
2
6
8
9
9
3
2
9
4
3
7
5
9
5
7
9
7
7
5
1
4
5
7
5
3
8
5
2
2
1
1
1
9
8
2
3
7
4
1
2
2
2
9
1
7
5
5
3
5
7
4
1
9
1
6
1
6
9
6
8
8
9
9
3
8
2
4
7
8
9
9
2
8
4
3
8
4
9
1
1
8
2
5
6
3
5
1
3
9
4
7
3
2
7
9
6
1
3
8
6
8
2
5
9
4
7
1
3
2
2
5
3
6
3
3
4
3
8
7
9
6
2
8
5
5
8
9
6
8
6
2
5
3
5
4
5
9
5
5
2
3
7
3
8
5
9
4
9
5
1
4
9
8
6
1
6
3
3
1
6
1
8
3
1
8
3
5
3
1
2
1
5
9
6
4
8
2
6
8
5
6
5
2
6
5
7
9
5
4
1
5
8
7
4
2
1
9
8
3
6
2
1
8
4
9
6
4
6
4
9
9
5
4
4
2
4
7
9
4
6
3
6
2
7
1
6
1
2
9
3
2
7
1
2
5
5
5
4
6
9
9
9
4
8
9
9
6
9
6
2
1
4
4
7
4
3
1
8
4
6
4
8
2
5
4
5
3
5
9
8
3
7
7
7
6
4
9
3
6
4
9
1
3
9
7
3
9
2
4
5
8
8
4
3
4
7
5
4
6
4
2
3
1
5
3
4
4
4
6
7
9
7
7
3
2
6
3
5
2
5
5
1
8
5
8
3
3
4
4
7
8
2
4
9
4
4
3
4
8
5
9
8
2
7
1
6
5
7
1
8
4
1
8
7
7
8
5
5
9
2
1
9
9
5
1
7
2
1
7
1
6
3
3
2
2
8
2
1
6
9
1
9
7
7
2
7
4
4
3
8
5
9
4
6
9
7
9
6
2
7
3
7
5
3
9
2
7
9
5
8
9
1
5
1
5
5
8
8
2
8
5
7
8
2
9
6
4
3
4
1
4
1
5
2
9
4
5
9
3
7
1
4
2
5
8
1
4
7
9
7
8
4
3
1
4
3
6
3
9
3
7
5
1
1
2
6
6
3
8
2
1
5
6
7
7
7
1
3
3
7
5
9
6
1
1
2
4
8
4
8
4
5
2
1
3
8
1
5
9
9
7
9
9
6
5
1
4
2
3
9
5
9
5
9
7
6
6
7
8
1
2
9
4
3
9
3
2
6
6
5
5
1
6
7
8
7
1
1
9
1
6
3
2
2
5
1
3
7
3
6
1
3
6
9
5
8
8
1
5
7
4
6
6
5
5
7
7
5
1
3
3
4
1
1
7
1
3
5
1
2
4
6
9
4
8
7
9
9
8
6
3
3
2
7
9
4
9
5
9
3
8
6
1
8
5
3
1
4
7
3
6
9
7
2
2
3
5
8
2
4
8
2
5
9
9
2
9
6
3
1
7
6
3
4
1
5
4
3
9
3
3
7
2
5
7
5
6
1
5
5
4
7
3
5
1
9
7
8
4
8
3
8
9
3
1
9
9
7
1
3
7
1
1
2
3
8
3
9
7
1
2
5
7
7
2
9
6
5
5
7
2
3
9
8
1
8
8
8
9
6
7
6
7
1
5
4
2
3
7
7
9
2
2
6
4
2
1
7
6
8
1
6
4
5
4
1
7
4
2
6
2
8
7
1
4
2
5
2
1
9
3
5
6
6
5
7
8
3
4
3
5
9
5
2
5
7
8
8
2
3
4
4
1
1
8
2
4
3
5
3
2
3
7
1
2
9
6
8
5
8
9
2
1
3
6
8
9
5
3
6
3
8
3
2
8
3
4
5
3
3
2
3
4
9
9
3
1
8
7
8
6
9
4
7
8
5
5
1
4
5
6
3
1
1
1
7
4
3
9
5
6
7
5
6
3
8
3
1
9
2
7
5
3
9
2
9
6
9
6
8
5
7
4
1
2
4
7
5
1
5
6
2
3
3
9
3
2
4
6
2
4
8
9
7
4
3
8
3
7
8
9
1
9
4
9
6
7
1
3
7
7
8
9
3
2
8
5
5
3
4
9
8
8
4
5
6
6
5
1
3
2
1
3
4
2
9
7
5
5
7
8
1
2
6
8
1
7
7
2
2
3
8
5
7
7
6
2
9
9
2
6
8
7
7
7
6
5
1
7
8
4
1
9
4
9
4
6
5
4
9
2
2
2
4
4
8
8
2
6
7
4
7
6
7
5
5
7
7
2
5
6
5
2
1
6
1
8
6
4
9
7
5
6
3
4
8
6
2
5
5
1
1
3
8
7
3
3
2
3
3
4
3
8
9
6
8
7
6
7
4
4
2
5
3
7
8
5
3
2
2
5
2
8
8
8
2
8
3
1
3
4
1
5
4
9
7
5
3
5
3
9
2
8
2
9
5
8
1
5
6
5
4
5
2
9
2
1
9
3
8
3
4
7
5
5
2
3
7
4
5
1
5
5
2
6
1
3
4
9
8
8
3
8
6
6
2
2
6
7
1
1
2
2
1
5
1
7
9
6
3
6
8
9
4
3
8
6
7
7
2
4
2
2
2
3
5
3
2
6
1
5
3
5
3
5
7
9
4
5
2
3
8
7
3
3
9
1
5
7
7
2
1
4
9
7
5
9
9
7
6
3
8
7
9
8
7
2
5
6
3
7
1
6
2
7
9
3
3
1
7
1
1
9
1
9
6
9
3
5
4
1
9
1
5
9
1
7
1
2
7
3
3
7
3
5
9
1
6
3
7
9
1
6
7
3
3
6
6
8
2
5
1
5
6
8
9
3
5
9
5
6
3
9
6
5
9
9
3
8
7
7
2
1
1
7
1
6
9
6
8
9
1
5
9
4
1
2
7
3
8
1
4
8
3
9
6
8
3
1
9
3
2
4
8
9
7
4
2
5
5
1
4
4
8
3
3
3
4
6
4
2
2
3
2
4
7
4
7
8
3
4
4
1
3
6
1
4
3
5
5
7
2
2
4
5
7
7
1
3
4
4
5
5
7
7
9
4
1
2
2
5
8
4
5
8
1
9
4
3
1
3
3
1
9
9
8
6
3
4
9
2
4
1
7
4
7
7
7
7
1
9
2
6
7
5
7
4
1
5
2
9
6
2
3
3
4
5
7
1
3
3
8
6
9
7
9
9
9
7
2
1
7
3
6
2
7
9
7
1
5
7
7
6
1
9
5
5
9
7
4
5
9
9
8
8
1
5
2
7
9
4
3
1
5
8
9
4
2
2
2
1
9
7
7
3
4
6
6
5
7
6
2
1
8
8
1
5
6
2
7
6
6
6
4
4
4
4
2
5
4
2
6
8
7
2
5
1
9
2
5
1
1
1
6
6
2
2
6
9
8
4
9
7
8
2
2
1
3
5
7
4
2
6
1
6
4
7
2
9
7
9
1
4
4
8
1
9
1
2
8
7
7
4
7
1
9
3
3
6
4
6
9
6
8
6
8
5
2
2
2
5
8
8
3
1
8
1
5
4
8
2
2
2
7
8
2
3
7
1
1
5
9
7
2
4
9
2
9
3
9
9
6
9
8
5
1
3
4
6
8
9
9
3
8
9
8
2
2
4
6
4
7
9
4
7
7
8
3
1
5
5
9
8
4
9
3
6
2
1
7
3
9
5
2
6
6
2
7
8
3
9
7
4
5
3
4
9
3
6
6
9
2
9
9
6
4
6
2
7
8
4
2
7
2
1
3
8
4
1
3
4
4
3
7
1
2
8
3
4
8
9
1
8
2
3
3
2
6
3
3
2
9
8
2
7
1
3
5
5
3
4
3
1
5
6
2
7
8
8
2
4
4
7
6
3
4
1
8
9
1
6
1
7
4
7
3
7
7
7
8
5
9
2
4
4
2
6
9
8
6
7
8
5
8
2
5
8
8
1
2
3
9
3
8
4
3
1
3
9
5
5
5
1
9
2
2
5
9
8
8
8
2
4
1
1
3
1
9
4
9
5
1
2
4
2
4
8
9
4
8
4
2
7
5
5
2
6
5
5
1
1
4
1
4
7
3
7
3
1
5
1
8
8
1
3
7
1
7
2
3
5
6
2
5
3
6
1
4
7
1
4
5
9
3
9
7
6
4
7
3
4
7
5
8
6
3
3
3
9
8
9
6
2
3
9
8
6
1
5
6
4
6
1
7
3
6
4
5
7
7
5
8
9
7
2
4
7
5
4
5
7
5
5
2
4
1
6
7
4
1
3
1
4
5
2
1
7
4
5
1
4
9
5
4
7
1
8
5
9
2
1
8
2
5
7
6
4
3
8
3
1
2
9
9
9
1
1
9
9
7
9
1
8
9
5
5
9
9
6
6
7
5
2
8
5
7
1
6
9
5
6
5
4
3
9
3
6
1
4
3
4
2
4
5
2
1
8
8
8
3
6
5
9
4
6
8
6
5
7
9
3
6
2
2
6
1
5
4
8
4
7
9
9
3
6
3
3
6
6
9
3
2
1
3
3
9
5
4
1
9
8
6
4
7
6
2
3
2
9
7
5
7
6
8
2
3
9
5
8
4
1
4
5
1
1
8
4
2
1
5
8
4
4
6
6
7
5
8
3
4
4
5
5
3
5
4
8
4
4
3
5
8
1
6
5
3
4
2
4
3
2
4
1
9
1
6
5
7
9
1
8
3
7
8
3
2
1
2
3
4
5
2
7
1
4
5
2
1
6
1
8
1
2
7
2
4
7
5
7
3
2
9
8
8
1
3
5
9
4
9
9
1
3
4
5
1
8
4
1
9
8
8
4
1
5
7
6
7
8
1
4
1
9
7
3
4
9
6
8
9
1
2
5
3
9
8
4
1
3
5
7
7
9
7
2
6
8
2
8
9
8
9
2
5
1
2
6
2
3
7
4
7
3
1
7
1
3
3
8
3
7
6
4
2
6
9
4
7
3
2
5
3
3
3
6
2
8
9
1
9
5
6
2
4
1
9
5
2
8
8
8
8
7
8
3
8
5
5
2
9
4
9
8
8
6
1
5
2
2
4
3
9
7
6
3
8
2
7
7
6
2
1
4
4
8
9
6
7
4
2
4
9
6
6
1
3
5
4
1
5
9
4
9
7
6
3
6
4
7
9
2
5
5
9
4
3
7
7
1
1
5
9
7
8
9
1
8
5
2
6
6
6
9
4
8
2
2
2
4
2
3
6
6
3
3
7
9
1
1
9
2
1
4
3
1
9
5
8
1
4
5
2
2
8
8
7
9
8
1
2
7
8
5
7
6
2
3
3
6
7
7
8
5
3
1
6
6
2
9
4
5
6
8
7
8
4
8
3
6
5
7
3
9
3
5
8
6
2
6
9
8
5
4
1
3
3
2
9
5
6
4
2
4
4
5
1
6
4
2
2
2
5
2
2
7
8
9
6
4
5
9
6
3
7
2
7
4
8
2
8
8
4
9
5
4
5
9
3
8
7
1
5
6
1
4
6
7
3
4
2
6
4
1
9
5
2
4
6
6
2
5
3
2
5
3
1
4
2
3
9
2
4
9
4
8
6
8
7
6
2
7
6
3
4
1
4
3
3
8
9
6
8
3
3
5
5
8
7
5
1
8
9
3
2
6
8
3
8
9
1
4
2
1
6
2
3
4
3
8
4
4
3
3
7
6
3
7
9
8
7
5
4
6
4
5
2
5
5
2
5
6
9
3
7
9
4
5
5
2
3
9
8
3
6
9
4
9
1
6
2
8
3
6
7
8
6
9
1
8
2
5
2
3
9
1
2
2
4
5
8
2
8
5
5
5
8
1
3
9
9
6
1
2
4
4
1
7
5
4
5
9
3
7
9
4
8
3
3
2
3
2
2
7
8
3
4
5
6
5
7
6
4
2
6
7
6
2
9
8
7
7
3
9
9
7
9
9
4
8
4
1
1
1
9
9
9
7
9
6
6
5
9
4
9
6
1
4
3
5
4
3
7
9
7
5
2
3
1
2
7
9
9
5
3
8
8
9
2
6
7
7
4
6
5
4
8
3
1
8
3
6
6
9
2
9
6
1
3
1
6
7
8
1
9
1
7
3
3
8
6
6
9
7
4
5
7
5
2
3
8
4
4
8
2
9
4
5
1
8
9
5
4
7
2
8
3
4
4
2
5
1
5
1
7
5
6
9
4
2
7
7
9
5
9
7
8
4
6
3
9
8
8
8
8
9
4
4
2
5
1
1
5
4
4
9
6
7
8
4
4
9
9
6
8
6
7
5
4
7
3
5
4
5
5
3
4
5
9
1
3
4
6
8
2
7
4
7
9
2
3
6
3
6
6
7
8
8
3
5
9
2
1
1
9
5
2
1
5
2
3
8
6
7
6
6
6
9
1
3
4
5
5
8
7
8
4
9
8
1
7
8
4
6
7
3
5
1
8
2
9
1
5
1
7
2
6
4
5
3
6
9
4
5
3
5
4
3
1
8
6
1
5
1
6
5
9
5
1
1
8
9
2
1
8
3
9
8
3
9
9
9
7
6
4
8
1
1
5
7
4
9
4
4
2
6
4
9
1
7
5
7
9
4
7
4
3
1
6
9
8
7
5
2
7
5
4
3
8
7
4
6
6
2
3
1
6
3
3
6
2
6
7
1
9
9
5
3
9
7
1
6
8
3
9
7
4
3
3
3
7
4
7
9
5
2
6
7
3
2
6
9
4
9
7
5
5
1
7
9
2
2
2
7
6
2
2
7
9
6
5
3
1
1
6
4
1
9
7
5
2
7
4
1
2
3
7
4
7
4
9
2
4
9
2
6
3
6
2
8
8
6
5
7
2
9
5
4
5
3
8
1
8
6
7
6
4
2
7
9
2
7
7
4
4
4
7
6
3
3
8
1
5
6
4
5
9
5
2
4
7
2
1
3
5
6
7
2
3
9
2
6
3
1
8
8
9
7
3
2
8
6
6
9
9
3
7
6
9
4
6
9
6
5
5
2
7
1
6
5
2
8
5
9
5
2
1
3
3
3
4
6
8
2
5
8
8
2
5
4
2
9
7
4
8
7
3
9
7
3
7
5
2
8
3
9
3
2
9
4
1
3
2
5
2
2
1
9
4
7
4
6
9
5
9
9
5
8
3
4
6
4
7
7
5
7
6
2
8
1
4
8
3
6
3
7
6
2
4
5
9
4
4
2
7
1
8
1
4
4
2
4
7
4
4
3
5
2
4
1
3
9
4
8
3
2
2
1
2
1
6
2
9
1
6
7
6
7
2
1
5
5
4
5
9
6
2
8
9
3
7
1
3
2
1
9
6
8
6
2
3
7
8
9
1
9
3
7
3
8
7
2
4
5
5
2
4
9
6
8
5
3
7
1
5
1
8
9
5
6
1
3
1
7
6
7
4
8
7
2
2
8
5
4
9
3
2
6
2
8
4
4
7
6
9
4
4
3
5
2
4
4
7
6
4
6
1
1
5
6
1
5
3
2
5
1
1
1
5
8
2
9
6
3
7
4
4
1
7
1
8
9
1
9
6
1
6
2
6
5
1
6
3
7
8
4
7
4
6
5
8
2
6
2
5
3
5
3
2
9
8
3
9
4
1
1
7
1
8
3
5
8
7
6
3
5
9
1
2
2
7
2
3
5
5
7
3
4
8
8
6
4
8
2
7
5
1
2
2
9
9
3
1
5
7
9
9
2
7
9
2
5
9
3
7
6
8
7
4
6
1
4
6
3
8
7
8
9
4
5
9
6
7
4
5
8
9
7
7
7
1
4
7
6
5
6
9
4
1
3
6
1
9
8
1
6
9
6
9
8
7
8
4
2
2
5
3
8
7
7
2
8
5
1
9
8
5
4
9
4
8
5
5
9
5
1
7
2
7
2
3
2
5
9
8
6
4
8
3
6
5
3
8
2
1
7
2
9
5
6
2
1
8
6
1
2
2
3
8
4
4
2
5
5
8
2
6
8
2
8
6
1
2
5
8
3
3
9
8
9
2
1
1
6
8
1
8
8
8
2
7
2
9
9
9
6
8
8
5
8
9
4
4
9
5
5
1
6
4
6
7
6
2
6
7
6
6
5
2
6
6
5
1
3
1
1
4
6
1
6
6
4
7
5
5
2
3
5
4
2
9
1
7
2
9
9
1
9
4
5
3
1
5
5
4
2
4
9
4
9
7
8
8
5
5
6
2
6
8
4
6
8
4
6
6
8
8
4
3
1
1
1
7
3
8
9
8
3
5
6
3
4
4
3
9
9
2
8
2
1
7
9
5
6
6
9
1
7
3
3
5
7
3
1
7
9
2
6
6
3
3
3
2
2
6
1
5
7
7
9
6
1
5
7
7
1
1
9
3
4
7
1
3
8
9
5
2
5
6
4
2
9
4
9
7
5
6
4
1
9
3
1
7
7
1
2
2
7
1
5
6
7
7
9
5
4
6
8
4
3
8
6
3
3
3
1
1
1
4
9
6
9
5
9
7
2
7
2
9
6
8
1
7
5
1
3
5
1
3
9
6
2
8
9
1
9
9
7
4
5
6
9
6
2
5
3
9
8
7
6
4
5
6
8
3
8
8
2
1
1
2
3
4
6
5
8
3
7
2
7
3
4
6
1
4
2
7
7
7
1
5
1
8
9
3
7
5
7
2
3
3
5
4
5
8
1
1
7
9
8
9
3
1
4
1
4
5
7
3
8
4
5
2
9
2
5
9
8
6
3
7
7
8
4
8
3
6
7
2
8
1
5
7
5
3
9
8
7
4
4
7
5
4
7
4
8
5
4
6
6
2
8
6
3
6
6
5
5
1
3
1
2
1
5
3
9
2
2
2
2
3
2
7
5
1
8
4
9
3
8
9
5
7
9
8
8
7
3
2
2
3
5
3
9
1
5
2
3
3
8
2
7
5
3
5
7
2
4
6
1
8
3
4
9
3
2
5
9
4
3
4
5
6
5
6
1
7
8
9
3
9
1
2
6
7
5
4
9
7
1
2
6
1
6
2
3
5
8
4
4
8
6
9
6
8
4
5
3
8
1
7
1
3
6
2
9
6
4
1
5
3
1
9
6
4
7
8
5
6
8
4
3
8
9
4
3
2
9
4
9
9
5
4
2
1
6
5
3
6
8
2
6
8
7
9
6
9
9
7
1
8
9
4
4
8
4
5
9
9
9
7
5
9
6
4
3
9
4
3
1
3
3
7
6
8
8
2
6
8
4
5
5
8
4
8
3
3
6
6
5
6
4
7
6
2
5
3
8
8
2
2
2
9
4
9
2
5
8
8
6
9
8
1
7
3
4
8
4
4
5
7
6
4
1
5
8
7
6
4
3
1
5
3
1
1
9
8
7
4
4
9
3
2
3
7
5
9
4
9
7
7
6
9
9
1
8
8
3
9
8
1
2
4
8
4
4
7
4
4
1
2
2
4
7
6
6
6
8
7
8
2
3
3
6
5
8
8
1
5
2
9
8
6
3
4
6
9
5
1
1
4
7
6
3
1
9
4
5
1
2
9
5
7
7
3
5
1
5
8
7
3
6
2
2
2
3
2
5
7
7
3
3
8
5
6
1
2
7
2
8
1
9
4
7
3
2
3
7
4
5
6
8
4
3
6
7
4
6
1
1
9
5
4
9
5
1
6
4
4
8
7
5
8
1
4
5
7
5
9
7
3
3
8
7
3
5
7
3
7
4
6
2
9
3
4
7
4
1
9
2
9
9
8
1
7
1
4
8
2
8
8
3
9
2
2
3
5
5
9
1
5
6
2
4
8
5
6
8
7
5
8
2
6
5
9
5
5
2
6
2
5
7
4
7
2
2
5
1
8
2
3
2
6
5
3
1
3
2
1
7
5
9
8
7
7
1
5
4
1
3
1
5
1
3
7
3
1
4
1
1
5
6
6
5
2
6
2
2
5
1
6
8
5
2
9
3
2
7
5
7
9
7
3
8
9
8
1
7
6
6
1
5
1
4
1
6
9
3
2
1
1
8
8
1
8
4
7
7
7
4
9
5
2
6
3
1
4
4
4
4
9
4
2
1
9
7
7
9
7
3
3
5
7
5
8
2
4
7
6
7
6
2
1
2
9
8
1
2
1
3
6
2
9
4
2
5
2
5
9
9
9
2
1
1
6
4
1
5
4
3
9
8
8
5
9
1
1
9
8
5
8
6
1
2
6
6
3
5
5
7
6
1
9
7
8
4
2
5
4
5
5
8
3
4
1
6
1
5
4
1
6
2
5
5
2
3
9
8
4
5
6
3
8
7
8
6
3
4
6
5
2
2
6
6
7
8
4
2
7
2
8
7
9
7
1
9
7
6
6
3
4
4
4
1
3
9
4
4
2
8
7
1
6
9
8
7
8
7
3
7
5
6
7
8
9
5
4
7
4
4
8
8
2
2
2
4
8
5
8
6
2
4
5
4
4
6
1
8
4
7
3
7
9
3
8
2
3
3
3
9
8
8
5
1
1
9
7
7
5
5
1
8
9
1
6
4
8
2
3
1
8
6
1
6
9
5
2
1
7
7
6
9
3
4
8
4
9
2
5
2
4
9
8
2
1
8
6
6
7
1
9
3
9
5
5
3
6
6
1
7
7
6
3
8
1
8
8
1
7
6
2
1
2
6
5
5
1
5
7
3
3
8
1
8
4
4
6
8
5
2
9
4
1
8
2
2
5
1
1
3
3
1
2
6
3
5
5
1
4
2
7
7
9
6
9
4
8
7
5
4
2
5
2
5
8
7
1
9
2
8
8
9
8
4
1
4
6
2
1
7
8
7
8
4
6
5
6
7
2
7
8
4
4
2
7
6
5
9
5
4
9
7
7
7
4
8
1
9
3
5
3
4
6
5
2
1
6
3
1
1
4
8
1
2
7
2
9
9
6
1
1
7
9
9
9
8
4
3
5
7
6
6
5
5
5
2
6
1
2
1
6
7
2
4
3
6
4
8
7
4
2
7
3
4
4
9
3
1
8
6
2
2
6
4
1
5
9
5
7
3
9
4
7
6
8
8
2
5
7
7
3
3
5
2
6
6
3
2
2
9
5
1
5
9
6
2
9
9
5
1
4
9
3
4
2
1
5
2
9
2
8
2
8
1
4
4
6
7
7
8
9
1
4
8
6
9
4
1
9
7
1
2
7
8
3
6
7
2
5
1
2
6
1
2
7
5
2
4
1
3
1
7
1
4
9
5
2
3
4
6
2
6
5
9
7
7
9
9
3
4
3
8
6
4
2
3
1
9
1
3
9
4
4
8
1
3
5
2
1
6
1
4
6
4
6
7
2
1
1
8
5
8
4
4
9
2
7
3
2
6
5
5
1
5
3
1
5
3
3
5
1
2
2
8
3
8
8
6
3
4
3
1
3
2
6
7
4
9
8
6
4
8
3
1
1
6
3
7
2
6
8
6
8
5
4
2
6
8
9
9
1
3
7
4
6
6
5
8
8
5
6
9
4
2
3
9
3
4
5
2
3
3
1
8
6
6
1
8
6
3
9
9
5
4
2
5
5
7
6
5
9
5
5
4
5
7
5
7
9
5
4
5
5
9
3
1
7
5
6
8
1
7
5
9
9
5
6
3
1
2
9
3
4
5
9
2
2
2
8
8
3
4
2
4
3
9
1
6
5
6
1
1
5
6
3
1
5
3
3
4
6
7
5
4
6
8
8
9
1
8
9
3
2
5
4
4
6
2
3
5
3
9
2
6
8
8
1
2
8
5
1
6
7
8
3
6
7
5
5
1
2
7
5
3
4
7
2
8
1
8
2
1
8
1
9
4
9
2
3
3
6
5
4
8
8
3
4
8
5
5
2
4
9
7
7
9
8
1
1
4
7
3
9
6
3
9
7
6
5
2
5
5
9
8
7
7
5
7
2
4
5
1
9
5
8
6
5
8
2
9
2
4
1
6
9
9
6
7
6
8
8
3
4
3
8
1
3
2
7
5
4
9
8
9
2
9
8
4
1
4
6
2
4
6
3
6
2
3
3
6
7
7
7
4
3
5
6
4
3
8
7
2
1
5
1
7
2
9
7
2
7
3
7
7
5
7
7
8
6
1
7
5
8
4
6
5
9
4
5
1
6
6
5
1
4
9
7
8
6
9
8
5
6
4
9
8
4
2
5
8
4
6
6
6
5
5
6
5
6
7
6
5
4
9
8
3
6
1
8
5
3
8
2
5
7
1
4
8
3
2
8
2
8
2
9
9
5
3
9
7
5
3
4
5
9
2
6
3
6
4
7
5
7
6
2
5
5
8
7
9
1
2
4
7
9
3
8
5
7
1
4
7
1
8
1
1
8
9
5
4
7
7
7
5
7
1
4
9
1
7
7
1
6
2
2
8
6
8
7
1
4
4
1
9
8
2
8
1
8
3
3
5
4
6
6
5
3
1
5
5
9
6
4
7
1
2
5
6
2
5
7
8
3
6
2
1
3
7
5
4
6
3
5
3
4
8
5
4
8
2
5
2
1
5
1
6
3
9
3
6
7
3
1
5
2
3
9
8
4
6
1
4
3
6
7
9
8
8
2
7
7
5
1
2
1
1
7
4
3
7
8
6
2
8
3
7
5
5
5
5
1
5
3
2
6
5
7
5
1
2
3
6
2
2
1
2
4
6
8
6
9
7
1
3
9
8
8
7
5
4
5
4
3
1
3
1
1
6
2
7
7
6
8
7
7
4
1
2
5
4
5
4
9
1
7
6
9
1
7
7
3
5
6
2
7
3
5
5
8
5
5
9
4
9
8
2
7
3
4
9
1
9
9
2
4
5
2
3
7
7
8
2
6
1
8
7
1
9
3
2
1
4
8
1
3
4
2
2
5
8
4
6
7
3
7
1
1
1
9
5
5
7
2
3
7
4
7
3
8
7
4
6
6
2
6
7
9
5
8
9
2
1
3
2
7
8
8
7
6
1
1
5
6
8
3
2
4
1
8
5
8
2
9
7
3
6
9
9
3
5
5
9
7
2
7
2
9
8
1
3
1
5
1
7
8
3
1
1
8
6
2
8
4
4
7
1
1
4
8
3
9
5
3
6
3
5
9
9
5
7
7
4
6
3
6
6
9
5
5
4
8
4
6
8
9
3
1
5
4
8
5
2
3
8
1
6
9
7
6
6
7
9
3
7
6
3
7
3
7
9
9
2
2
4
9
3
1
2
2
4
5
5
6
2
7
5
3
8
1
6
7
8
4
3
5
3
4
5
3
7
6
1
6
8
8
9
2
5
7
1
6
2
8
8
7
6
9
2
3
9
3
8
4
4
3
1
3
7
8
4
1
7
1
7
7
5
2
6
4
5
2
9
3
6
6
4
8
9
2
6
3
7
8
9
5
4
5
8
6
4
3
4
9
9
3
2
7
8
7
5
8
8
7
1
1
9
2
2
1
5
5
6
7
6
6
7
2
3
7
9
8
6
4
7
3
1
8
9
3
8
7
3
7
2
7
2
3
4
3
9
3
7
9
8
4
3
1
1
1
9
9
2
1
1
9
5
1
7
2
1
5
8
9
1
9
5
6
5
1
2
3
4
8
1
1
4
2
9
5
4
3
6
2
8
7
1
3
9
4
7
5
8
4
1
2
9
9
7
6
5
7
3
8
7
9
1
7
5
1
3
6
9
2
6
7
4
4
8
5
2
4
4
8
4
8
6
8
2
6
3
5
8
5
2
4
8
2
2
7
7
9
5
8
7
8
4
2
1
5
4
9
7
9
6
2
8
6
6
1
5
3
5
5
7
2
9
1
5
2
1
9
8
9
3
4
4
6
5
7
1
5
8
5
6
6
5
2
6
5
3
8
2
3
3
8
3
5
4
4
4
7
2
8
2
2
8
4
2
5
8
3
2
2
7
2
4
6
7
8
3
7
6
5
2
8
6
9
2
6
1
3
4
8
8
4
4
4
2
2
4
9
6
3
3
2
6
3
7
9
8
8
3
8
8
3
8
8
2
8
3
6
1
3
9
5
7
6
6
7
4
4
4
3
8
7
3
4
4
5
2
8
9
3
9
4
2
4
9
9
4
7
7
8
7
5
9
4
3
4
1
9
2
7
5
7
7
9
6
9
2
7
5
3
7
1
8
8
9
6
8
8
3
3
6
8
9
7
7
8
4
7
3
5
2
2
6
3
7
4
7
9
8
6
1
6
3
8
1
9
9
5
9
6
8
3
7
8
1
8
4
2
6
6
4
8
6
1
8
9
1
1
8
5
1
1
2
1
1
2
3
4
4
1
8
1
8
4
2
1
5
6
9
7
8
2
3
4
5
1
2
8
6
9
7
2
7
5
6
9
5
3
3
8
7
7
2
5
8
8
1
2
6
1
8
4
8
9
8
1
2
3
1
5
9
6
3
2
8
9
5
1
6
6
6
9
8
2
3
9
3
6
6
6
9
2
1
8
6
3
8
9
5
9
7
3
3
5
9
2
8
4
7
3
5
1
3
3
9
8
8
4
8
9
4
8
5
8
4
6
8
1
3
4
4
6
2
2
7
5
3
7
9
8
4
8
5
8
5
3
8
6
9
5
5
5
6
6
6
1
3
3
4
9
1
1
1
2
9
7
9
1
1
3
7
1
9
2
2
4
2
5
1
1
1
5
3
5
3
9
5
8
9
1
5
1
4
1
8
4
2
9
2
2
6
6
4
5
5
6
5
6
6
8
4
8
5
3
5
6
2
4
9
2
2
3
6
5
4
7
2
1
8
6
7
5
5
7
9
2
3
2
6
4
4
1
4
5
6
1
1
8
5
6
3
6
1
6
3
8
2
1
9
2
6
3
3
2
2
4
9
7
6
4
5
8
1
1
5
2
1
4
1
3
6
8
4
4
4
5
5
7
3
8
9
5
5
7
7
2
2
3
4
9
3
4
7
4
9
1
1
4
4
9
4
7
7
4
2
1
2
2
8
1
6
4
8
2
4
4
5
8
2
1
6
8
9
2
7
9
4
4
4
2
5
2
3
8
2
1
6
3
4
6
3
5
6
5
2
7
6
7
5
3
5
9
2
9
4
9
2
8
4
4
5
1
5
8
5
2
7
8
7
8
1
5
1
4
6
1
9
9
9
2
9
9
8
4
2
9
4
3
2
7
1
7
8
6
6
4
4
1
3
3
5
2
9
7
7
2
4
2
1
7
5
4
6
8
2
9
8
6
6
1
7
5
9
4
3
5
5
4
4
5
1
9
4
7
1
9
1
2
3
5
1
2
4
8
3
7
4
2
9
8
2
1
7
1
2
5
1
3
8
9
3
1
9
6
3
1
8
2
4
7
9
4
1
4
1
2
8
1
1
1
4
5
5
6
6
4
5
9
2
4
8
7
9
7
3
8
6
1
3
8
2
8
8
7
8
6
5
7
2
9
8
5
6
4
7
6
1
2
6
8
6
9
5
8
6
1
9
5
1
5
3
2
1
2
8
7
5
2
6
5
3
5
2
7
9
5
7
9
7
6
8
1
1
4
5
8
3
5
9
9
9
1
6
4
2
3
4
7
9
1
3
8
8
6
1
6
9
2
1
4
5
7
3
3
7
4
7
1
8
8
8
1
2
2
7
4
4
8
6
3
2
8
4
6
8
2
4
2
6
5
4
5
7
5
6
3
4
6
7
9
3
3
1
4
6
1
5
1
6
4
9
6
2
8
8
6
7
9
6
2
9
3
1
6
7
1
3
9
2
2
8
8
1
6
2
1
3
7
5
4
6
6
1
9
9
9
8
5
7
3
9
8
1
8
8
6
5
1
8
8
5
4
4
8
1
5
3
3
7
6
5
4
6
3
5
1
6
5
5
3
2
9
1
8
2
4
5
6
5
3
7
6
5
5
9
3
7
7
2
8
5
8
6
8
5
4
6
3
2
7
1
1
8
5
6
3
6
3
5
4
6
5
1
4
1
7
4
3
3
3
1
2
2
8
6
3
5
1
7
1
8
3
6
4
9
5
1
2
2
3
3
2
3
1
8
9
2
9
9
8
1
5
6
4
6
1
6
2
9
5
5
9
3
8
7
2
7
2
2
8
2
6
7
9
3
8
2
2
7
8
1
6
2
3
2
3
8
8
4
8
5
8
5
4
4
8
6
3
7
2
4
5
9
2
4
5
6
2
7
8
1
4
4
5
8
6
3
3
3
1
7
6
4
2
9
4
4
4
2
4
3
9
7
1
7
7
9
5
1
9
7
7
9
3
6
7
3
3
3
5
4
6
3
1
7
4
6
7
6
1
6
2
7
7
8
5
4
8
5
2
2
4
5
4
4
4
4
5
8
4
2
7
6
3
8
8
8
6
7
3
1
3
3
3
5
2
1
1
5
8
6
3
3
5
2
1
6
4
1
7
9
4
5
3
2
7
2
9
7
9
4
5
8
8
2
2
2
8
8
2
6
5
9
8
8
9
7
2
9
2
8
3
4
8
6
7
1
9
6
5
5
6
4
9
4
1
1
4
4
3
7
9
1
6
9
5
3
2
7
4
9
9
6
1
6
2
5
1
2
8
2
1
9
1
9
6
7
1
5
6
2
6
1
5
8
8
8
3
2
2
7
4
7
1
6
1
7
2
9
1
2
2
3
5
6
2
2
3
3
7
2
5
8
4
2
6
4
6
2
1
8
1
7
9
4
9
1
6
4
9
6
2
9
5
8
1
4
6
1
5
2
3
1
1
1
6
2
1
4
7
2
1
4
2
2
2
2
6
2
2
2
9
1
5
4
4
9
9
7
3
2
1
2
1
7
9
5
1
5
3
1
6
6
1
8
4
1
9
5
6
7
6
7
4
8
2
6
1
3
1
2
6
5
6
6
8
1
1
2
6
6
7
1
2
7
8
4
7
5
8
7
1
5
3
9
1
7
5
9
5
8
6
7
6
6
9
2
9
5
6
9
7
9
3
4
2
9
5
3
4
6
6
3
4
7
6
4
9
6
3
8
9
4
1
4
3
6
5
7
4
4
3
6
7
8
9
6
6
7
6
7
9
1
7
8
7
9
7
3
9
4
6
7
2
2
2
5
3
2
4
3
5
6
5
3
8
4
9
5
7
1
1
3
1
7
2
6
4
9
3
9
6
3
7
7
5
6
1
3
8
5
8
7
6
2
2
6
3
9
3
2
2
7
1
7
1
3
2
9
2
7
3
3
2
2
6
7
4
4
4
9
6
7
7
2
6
8
7
9
9
6
2
2
3
1
2
3
7
8
5
8
3
1
6
9
8
5
9
1
3
6
8
6
3
3
7
9
8
4
9
6
1
5
7
7
6
1
1
4
1
5
5
9
2
5
6
2
5
1
5
5
1
4
1
4
4
8
8
6
5
4
6
4
3
6
8
4
6
5
3
5
8
8
2
2
7
1
5
6
1
3
1
4
6
4
1
4
7
9
3
9
3
6
9
7
6
5
4
3
9
4
4
4
2
1
9
5
3
7
3
7
7
7
6
5
3
5
8
3
2
4
7
1
3
6
7
5
6
3
4
4
3
2
9
2
8
2
9
8
3
9
6
5
9
4
4
7
9
2
7
3
4
4
2
5
3
6
1
5
9
1
7
2
2
7
4
1
9
2
9
9
8
4
2
2
9
2
6
8
8
1
2
3
6
5
6
7
9
1
2
1
6
3
9
7
6
8
7
6
3
3
1
9
6
6
6
8
4
3
4
3
4
5
6
8
5
6
7
3
5
3
9
9
1
3
4
9
3
9
1
1
7
2
7
3
5
4
2
5
5
3
5
1
6
1
2
1
8
2
3
3
6
9
2
8
1
3
4
4
2
5
1
6
3
3
1
9
9
2
5
6
7
6
8
1
3
8
5
2
3
7
7
9
1
1
8
3
1
1
5
6
6
3
1
4
2
4
7
5
9
2
6
1
6
5
1
4
2
6
1
3
3
5
7
6
2
6
3
7
2
1
2
1
3
3
2
5
2
6
3
4
2
3
9
4
5
7
4
2
1
6
4
9
6
5
3
5
1
5
9
2
1
5
7
8
1
6
6
4
2
6
4
9
6
5
7
7
5
9
7
2
3
6
3
2
7
8
6
8
6
5
7
7
9
7
2
2
6
3
6
4
4
9
4
9
3
8
6
9
7
6
6
6
8
4
1
5
7
9
8
3
7
6
4
6
8
7
2
9
8
1
7
2
8
4
4
8
6
2
7
5
5
9
3
7
4
3
7
2
7
7
9
3
6
5
5
5
9
3
8
6
4
2
4
1
4
1
8
4
6
2
4
9
8
2
3
7
3
7
3
6
5
6
5
2
2
4
8
8
9
4
5
9
6
1
2
9
1
3
6
5
3
3
2
8
8
2
9
5
6
8
1
7
7
9
3
7
4
5
3
1
6
1
2
3
7
7
4
3
3
9
5
2
3
8
7
5
7
4
6
6
8
1
8
7
4
6
4
7
2
2
7
8
8
9
4
5
1
1
3
5
9
5
7
5
8
1
4
6
1
4
8
6
3
9
2
6
9
4
1
5
6
9
5
8
9
8
5
3
3
5
5
3
9
9
6
7
3
9
4
4
8
8
2
9
9
5
1
2
8
8
1
9
3
7
4
8
7
1
4
4
5
7
9
1
1
3
4
4
3
2
7
7
7
8
9
3
8
6
4
8
4
3
6
5
6
8
5
5
8
4
9
1
8
3
5
9
8
6
3
9
7
8
6
8
6
8
7
1
4
4
4
6
3
9
9
3
7
4
7
3
3
1
6
4
2
9
6
5
2
7
4
2
7
8
7
5
7
8
9
7
1
4
5
7
9
7
8
4
6
3
1
7
2
9
7
4
2
5
7
9
6
9
5
7
4
9
7
4
5
5
9
8
2
5
5
7
3
6
1
7
8
4
7
2
3
4
2
1
8
8
4
6
6
1
3
2
8
4
6
4
7
1
2
4
8
4
9
9
4
7
8
1
7
6
7
5
2
8
4
1
6
1
4
5
8
8
1
8
7
4
6
5
7
9
5
7
5
4
1
9
6
9
5
6
9
1
2
9
1
8
1
1
9
1
6
1
3
2
8
8
4
4
5
9
1
9
2
3
5
3
9
8
4
4
6
7
9
8
8
7
8
7
7
2
4
9
5
3
4
4
9
1
3
9
9
2
7
2
7
5
4
3
7
6
6
2
8
4
9
2
6
5
4
3
9
8
9
4
2
1
2
6
3
8
7
1
2
7
3
5
2
2
9
1
9
2
2
3
4
4
1
8
3
8
8
2
9
5
5
1
4
7
2
1
7
9
8
3
9
6
2
3
8
2
6
3
5
9
8
2
7
9
3
9
7
6
6
7
9
6
9
8
7
9
6
7
8
7
2
7
4
6
3
3
1
8
8
9
8
9
9
2
4
8
8
8
1
8
3
6
9
9
2
9
7
8
7
6
7
6
9
8
7
6
7
8
5
4
3
2
5
6
1
4
9
8
6
3
4
1
4
7
3
1
9
6
2
6
5
8
7
4
2
7
3
5
5
8
1
2
3
8
7
8
8
4
6
1
2
8
4
4
2
2
9
6
7
9
4
6
8
1
3
2
8
4
1
9
8
9
3
1
9
8
4
1
2
5
1
3
6
3
5
4
1
1
3
1
4
6
1
6
9
8
2
1
1
6
4
2
6
2
3
9
3
5
5
2
8
6
8
6
4
7
5
7
2
6
3
1
7
6
3
7
6
6
3
8
4
1
3
9
2
5
7
4
8
2
6
4
2
6
3
3
9
8
9
5
7
5
1
2
7
7
5
2
3
2
4
6
7
7
6
3
1
8
4
8
2
2
8
1
5
6
3
4
8
7
8
5
1
7
3
8
8
6
8
2
4
1
2
2
2
3
2
6
8
5
2
7
9
4
3
6
1
3
9
2
2
4
9
4
1
7
6
3
9
7
5
3
8
6
6
3
9
4
7
5
9
7
1
7
2
2
2
5
4
3
6
7
4
1
1
9
3
4
1
9
9
4
2
6
3
2
1
6
5
9
8
1
5
1
2
7
8
4
6
4
8
4
5
3
1
8
9
7
1
7
3
3
6
7
1
8
3
5
5
6
2
1
3
3
7
6
3
9
5
6
3
8
4
7
6
5
2
5
3
1
9
9
1
4
3
3
9
4
8
3
3
2
7
3
8
4
5
1
4
9
5
6
9
8
7
6
1
2
8
4
9
4
6
8
8
3
6
8
9
6
3
5
8
8
1
3
3
7
3
4
4
1
4
5
9
7
8
4
5
2
8
1
6
5
2
3
4
8
5
7
9
5
3
8
3
2
5
8
1
6
4
5
5
5
5
6
9
3
1
1
9
2
2
1
3
5
7
5
4
2
4
1
6
1
2
2
4
5
9
4
5
4
4
9
3
1
7
1
9
2
7
1
6
2
5
7
5
2
9
6
6
8
5
9
9
3
9
6
9
5
4
8
5
7
1
3
5
5
6
3
2
3
6
9
5
4
2
5
9
4
2
4
8
5
9
9
1
8
2
2
8
3
2
4
3
4
7
9
8
4
6
4
9
6
7
3
5
4
1
3
7
8
4
4
8
4
6
4
8
1
7
1
3
6
6
1
1
2
4
9
2
3
4
9
7
2
9
2
7
9
7
1
5
7
7
6
2
7
5
7
2
7
7
2
8
5
9
3
4
3
1
3
9
4
8
7
6
6
7
1
7
1
9
1
3
5
3
8
9
9
1
4
8
6
9
2
2
1
7
6
8
6
1
7
3
5
1
8
8
9
2
3
3
6
1
1
7
7
5
8
2
8
4
3
4
2
5
5
5
7
7
9
7
2
2
6
2
5
5
4
8
2
5
5
6
5
7
8
1
3
1
7
6
7
1
7
4
4
4
1
8
8
6
3
6
7
1
8
9
2
7
2
4
3
5
6
3
2
5
5
4
7
7
3
5
8
4
4
3
5
5
9
5
8
1
2
3
5
8
5
8
2
1
9
1
7
7
1
1
1
2
1
3
2
4
9
6
9
5
1
2
6
8
2
1
2
1
8
5
1
6
9
7
7
2
3
9
5
2
4
5
6
7
2
3
2
3
2
8
9
6
6
1
1
2
3
5
7
3
8
1
4
7
1
1
3
5
6
9
2
3
3
8
4
8
1
4
8
5
7
3
6
8
6
4
5
2
1
3
2
5
4
3
3
5
9
1
7
2
6
6
7
7
6
2
3
4
1
2
1
8
2
6
2
5
2
2
4
8
6
5
9
6
8
1
4
8
5
6
9
8
8
5
6
8
8
6
5
7
4
1
5
1
6
2
1
5
5
1
2
3
8
9
7
1
1
2
7
7
4
8
6
1
9
9
5
6
4
9
4
1
9
9
3
5
2
7
6
3
7
1
8
9
5
2
6
3
5
2
1
6
6
4
3
8
9
9
9
5
5
8
7
6
7
3
9
2
3
6
3
8
9
4
4
1
8
4
7
2
7
6
8
4
6
7
1
3
5
1
2
4
1
3
3
4
6
3
9
1
1
4
4
3
6
9
7
4
3
8
8
8
9
4
3
1
7
1
6
3
1
7
5
3
6
1
9
6
3
4
4
5
7
3
6
1
7
8
3
5
1
4
7
2
5
3
4
3
8
7
3
9
7
4
6
2
2
3
7
2
1
7
1
8
6
1
6
1
7
2
5
6
4
4
1
2
7
8
4
2
3
5
1
8
8
3
6
8
8
1
8
3
1
5
9
7
9
3
7
9
4
6
6
2
2
3
3
8
9
6
5
8
7
9
2
5
3
3
1
1
5
9
9
1
8
5
8
1
6
4
2
3
2
7
3
7
7
8
4
1
1
5
5
6
5
6
7
4
7
5
5
7
4
6
4
3
1
4
5
7
8
2
4
3
3
1
2
8
5
7
4
8
8
8
3
2
9
3
9
5
2
8
5
6
8
1
1
1
2
4
4
8
1
3
5
6
5
9
2
4
2
2
8
9
8
9
3
2
2
7
8
6
8
8
2
9
2
3
9
6
8
8
1
2
3
7
2
6
5
6
5
7
1
5
9
6
3
4
3
1
9
2
3
3
8
1
2
1
1
9
9
6
5
5
5
3
4
5
7
6
9
2
1
1
3
9
4
7
5
4
6
4
3
4
8
4
1
1
7
8
3
8
3
5
3
5
7
7
9
6
9
7
4
9
1
6
7
7
8
5
9
9
4
5
7
3
7
2
7
4
2
4
4
5
7
6
8
4
1
6
6
4
9
6
5
2
9
8
2
8
6
7
7
4
5
6
8
8
5
5
3
9
9
2
5
6
3
4
5
9
6
1
6
7
8
9
3
4
7
7
6
2
4
1
1
4
2
6
9
5
1
8
6
3
3
7
2
3
6
9
2
9
4
5
4
4
2
5
9
4
6
5
9
8
2
6
2
4
1
8
4
7
2
7
6
2
2
9
2
5
7
9
8
3
3
2
9
2
4
5
1
1
7
5
9
7
2
5
5
4
6
8
5
9
1
7
3
2
3
9
4
3

8
7
6
8
7
1
6
5
8
5
1
1
6
1
8
1
1 [goatse.cx]

geocities

[kiowa]

Bah, and here they go again with their "excess data transferred".

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure

[Anonymous Coward]

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica


Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.

Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.

Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows


Part 1 - Section 1


Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.

Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.

"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...

Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."

After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.

"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.

Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.

"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.

"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.


Part 2


*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.

"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.

His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.

A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.

His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.

When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.

The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.

He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.

As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.

However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.

He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.

And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.


Part 3


"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.

"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.

Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.

"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"

"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.

"What was that?" Gates asked.

"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.

"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.

"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.

"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"

"No, sir."

"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."

"Really?"

"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."

"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.

"Ballmer, get the gag."

"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.

Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.

"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."

Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.


Part 4


"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.

"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.

"Do it!" demanded Gates.

"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.

Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.

"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.

Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.

"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.

"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."

"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.

"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.

"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"

"What?!" cried Ballmer.

"Just do it!"

"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.

"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."

"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.

"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.

"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"

"Obey me then."

Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.

"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.

Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.

"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.

"You need to see this."

"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.

*That can soon be amended,* he thought.

"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"

Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.

"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.

"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.

Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."

The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.

"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."

Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.

"Yes, Master."

Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.

"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."

Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.

"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.

Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.

Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.

"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."

Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.


Part 5


After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.

A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.

The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.

The duffel bag was on fire.

"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.

Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.

Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.

Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.

"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."

Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.

"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."

Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!

When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.

"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.

"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.


Part 6


Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.

"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.

Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.

"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.

"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."

Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.

Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.

He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.

Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.

*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*

"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"

He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.

Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.

Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.

They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.

"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."

Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.

Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.

"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.

"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.

"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.

"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."

Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.


Continued in Section 2

Warriors == Fuckin loser geeks

[Unleaded42]

faq
code
awards
journals
older stuff
rob's page
preferences
submit story
advertising
supporters
past polls
topics
about
bugs
jobs
hof

Sections
apache
Jan 25

askslashdot
Feb 4
(5 recent)

books
Jan 29

bsd
Feb 2
(1 recent)

developers
Feb 4
(7 recent)

features
Jan 29

interviews
Jan 16

radio
Jun 29

science
Feb 4
(6 recent)

yro
Feb 3
(1 recent)
Perl Mongers Perl Magazine | Login/Create an Account | Top | 56 comments | Search Discussion
Threshold:
The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
Re:PLP! (Score:-1)
by Klerck on Monday February 04, @01:54AM (#2949316)
(User #213193 Info | http://www.klerck.org/ | Last Journal: Saturday January 05, @03:28AM)
That was pathetic.

Don't forget to add me [slashdot.org] to your foes list! Fags!

Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!

3
2
6
2
3
3
6
6
2
5
8
4
6
5
6
2
2
8
6
3
7
1
9
4
1
6
7
4
4
5
1
9
6
7
6
5
1
6
2
9
5
8
3
3
6
9
2
7
3
3
3
8
6
9
5
3
5
4
7
5
8
6
7
5
8
6
8
4
6
1
3
4
9
9
5
2
8
5
5
1
2
2
6
8
9
9
3
2
9
4
3
7
5
9
5
7
9
7
7
5
1
4
5
7
5
3
8
5
2
2
1
1
1
9
8
2
3
7
4
1
2
2
2
9
1
7
5
5
3
5
7
4
1
9
1
6
1
6
9
6
8
8
9
9
3
8
2
4
7
8
9
9
2
8
4
3
8
4
9
1
1
8
2
5
6
3
5
1
3
9
4
7
3
2
7
9
6
1
3
8
6
8
2
5
9
4
7
1
3
2
2
5
3
6
3
3
4
3
8
7
9
6
2
8
5
5
8
9
6
8
6
2
5
3
5
4
5
9
5
5
2
3
7
3
8
5
9
4
9
5
1
4
9
8
6
1
6
3
3
1
6
1
8
3
1
8
3
5
3
1
2
1
5
9
6
4
8
2
6
8
5
6
5
2
6
5
7
9
5
4
1
5
8
7
4
2
1
9
8
3
6
2
1
8
4
9
6
4
6
4
9
9
5
4
4
2
4
7
9
4
6
3
6
2
7
1
6
1
2
9
3
2
7
1
2
5
5
5
4
6
9
9
9
4
8
9
9
6
9
6
2
1
4
4
7
4
3
1
8
4
6
4
8
2
5
4
5
3
5
9
8
3
7
7
7
6
4
9
3
6
4
9
1
3
9
7
3
9
2
4
5
8
8
4
3
4
7
5
4
6
4
2
3
1
5
3
4
4
4
6
7
9
7
7
3
2
6
3
5
2
5
5
1
8
5
8
3
3
4
4
7
8
2
4
9
4
4
3
4
8
5
9
8
2
7
1
6
5
7
1
8
4
1
8
7
7
8
5
5
9
2
1
9
9
5
1
7
2
1
7
1
6
3
3
2
2
8
2
1
6
9
1
9
7
7
2
7
4
4
3
8
5
9
4
6
9
7
9
6
2
7
3
7
5
3
9
2
7
9
5
8
9
1
5
1
5
5
8
8
2
8
5
7
8
2
9
6
4
3
4
1
4
1
5
2
9
4
5
9
3
7
1
4
2
5
8
1
4
7
9
7
8
4
3
1
4
3
6
3
9
3
7
5
1
1
2
6
6
3
8
2
1
5
6
7
7
7
1
3
3
7
5
9
6
1
1
2
4
8
4
8
4
5
2
1
3
8
1
5
9
9
7
9
9
6
5
1
4
2
3
9
5
9
5
9
7
6
6
7
8
1
2
9
4
3
9
3
2
6
6
5
5
1
6
7
8
7
1
1
9
1
6
3
2
2
5
1
3
7
3
6
1
3
6
9
5
8
8
1
5
7
4
6
6
5
5
7
7
5
1
3
3
4
1
1
7
1
3
5
1
2
4
6
9
4
8
7
9
9
8
6
3
3
2
7
9
4
9
5
9
3
8
6
1
8
5
3
1
4
7
3
6
9
7
2
2
3
5
8
2
4
8
2
5
9
9
2
9
6
3
1
7
6
3
4
1
5
4
3
9
3
3
7
2
5
7
5
6
1
5
5
4
7
3
5
1
9
7
8
4
8
3
8
9
3
1
9
9
7
1
3
7
1
1
2
3
8
3
9
7
1
2
5
7
7
2
9
6
5
5
7
2
3
9
8
1
8
8
8
9
6
7
6
7
1
5
4
2
3
7
7
9
2
2
6
4
2
1
7
6
8
1
6
4
5
4
1
7
4
2
6
2
8
7
1
4
2
5
2
1
9
3
5
6
6
5
7
8
3
4
3
5
9
5
2
5
7
8
8
2
3
4
4
1
1
8
2
4
3
5
3
2
3
7
1
2
9
6
8
5
8
9
2
1
3
6
8
9
5
3
6
3
8
3
2
8
3
4
5
3
3
2
3
4
9
9
3
1
8
7
8
6
9
4
7
8
5
5
1
4
5
6
3
1
1
1
7
4
3
9
5
6
7
5
6
3
8
3
1
9
2
7
5
3
9
2
9
6
9
6
8
5
7
4
1
2
4
7
5
1
5
6
2
3
3
9
3
2
4
6
2
4
8
9
7
4
3
8
3
7
8
9
1
9
4
9
6
7
1
3
7
7
8
9
3
2
8
5
5
3
4
9
8
8
4
5
6
6
5
1
3
2
1
3
4
2
9
7
5
5
7
8
1
2
6
8
1
7
7
2
2
3
8
5
7
7
6
2
9
9
2
6
8
7
7
7
6
5
1
7
8
4
1
9
4
9
4
6
5
4
9
2
2
2
4
4
8
8
2
6
7
4
7
6
7
5
5
7
7
2
5
6
5
2
1
6
1
8
6
4
9
7
5
6
3
4
8
6
2
5
5
1
1
3
8
7
3
3
2
3
3
4
3
8
9
6
8
7
6
7
4
4
2
5
3
7
8
5
3
2
2
5
2
8
8
8
2
8
3
1
3
4
1
5
4
9
7
5
3
5
3
9
2
8
2
9
5
8
1
5
6
5
4
5
2
9
2
1
9
3
8
3
4
7
5
5
2
3
7
4
5
1
5
5
2
6
1
3
4
9
8
8
3
8
6
6
2
2
6
7
1
1
2
2
1
5
1
7
9
6
3
6
8
9
4
3
8
6
7
7
2
4
2
2
2
3
5
3
2
6
1
5
3
5
3
5
7
9
4
5
2
3
8
7
3
3
9
1
5
7
7
2
1
4
9
7
5
9
9
7
6
3
8
7
9
8
7
2
5
6
3
7
1
6
2
7
9
3
3
1
7
1
1
9
1
9
6
9
3
5
4
1
9
1
5
9
1
7
1
2
7
3
3
7
3
5
9
1
6
3
7
9
1
6
7
3
3
6
6
8
2
5
1
5
6
8
9
3
5
9
5
6
3
9
6
5
9
9
3
8
7
7
2
1
1
7
1
6
9
6
8
9
1
5
9
4
1
2
7
3
8
1
4
8
3
9
6
8
3
1
9
3
2
4
8
9
7
4
2
5
5
1
4
4
8
3
3
3
4
6
4
2
2
3
2
4
7
4
7
8
3
4
4
1
3
6
1
4
3
5
5
7
2
2
4
5
7
7
1
3
4
4
5
5
7
7
9
4
1
2
2
5
8
4
5
8
1
9
4
3
1
3
3
1
9
9
8
6
3
4
9
2
4
1
7
4
7
7
7
7
1
9
2
6
7
5
7
4
1
5
2
9
6
2
3
3
4
5
7
1
3
3
8
6
9
7
9
9
9
7
2
1
7
3
6
2
7
9
7
1
5
7
7
6
1
9
5
5
9
7
4
5
9
9
8
8
1
5
2
7
9
4
3
1
5
8
9
4
2
2
2
1
9
7
7
3
4
6
6
5
7
6
2
1
8
8
1
5
6
2
7
6
6
6
4
4
4
4
2
5
4
2
6
8
7
2
5
1
9
2
5
1
1
1
6
6
2
2
6
9
8
4
9
7
8
2
2
1
3
5
7
4
2
6
1
6
4
7
2
9
7
9
1
4
4
8
1
9
1
2
8
7
7
4
7
1
9
3
3
6
4
6
9
6
8
6
8
5
2
2
2
5
8
8
3
1
8
1
5
4
8
2
2
2
7
8
2
3
7
1
1
5
9
7
2
4
9
2
9
3
9
9
6
9
8
5
1
3
4
6
8
9
9
3
8
9
8
2
2
4
6
4
7
9
4
7
7
8
3
1
5
5
9
8
4
9
3
6
2
1
7
3
9
5
2
6
6
2
7
8
3
9
7
4
5
3
4
9
3
6
6
9
2
9
9
6
4
6
2
7
8
4
2
7
2
1
3
8
4
1
3
4
4
3
7
1
2
8
3
4
8
9
1
8
2
3
3
2
6
3
3
2
9
8
2
7
1
3
5
5
3
4
3
1
5
6
2
7
8
8
2
4
4
7
6
3
4
1
8
9
1
6
1
7
4
7
3
7
7
7
8
5
9
2
4
4
2
6
9
8
6
7
8
5
8
2
5
8
8
1
2
3
9
3
8
4
3
1
3
9
5
5
5
1
9
2
2
5
9
8
8
8
2
4
1
1
3
1
9
4
9
5
1
2
4
2
4
8
9
4
8
4
2
7
5
5
2
6
5
5
1
1
4
1
4
7
3
7
3
1
5
1
8
8
1
3
7
1
7
2
3
5
6
2
5
3
6
1
4
7
1
4
5
9
3
9
7
6
4
7
3
4
7
5
8
6
3
3
3
9
8
9
6
2
3
9
8
6
1
5
6
4
6
1
7
3
6
4
5
7
7
5
8
9
7
2
4
7
5
4
5
7
5
5
2
4
1
6
7
4
1
3
1
4
5
2
1
7
4
5
1
4
9
5
4
7
1
8
5
9
2
1
8
2
5
7
6
4
3
8
3
1
2
9
9
9
1
1
9
9
7
9
1
8
9
5
5
9
9
6
6
7
5
2
8
5
7
1
6
9
5
6
5
4
3
9
3
6
1
4
3
4
2
4
5
2
1
8
8
8
3
6
5
9
4
6
8
6
5
7
9
3
6
2
2
6
1
5
4
8
4
7
9
9
3
6
3
3
6
6
9
3
2
1
3
3
9
5
4
1
9
8
6
4
7
6
2
3
2
9
7
5
7
6
8
2
3
9
5
8
4
1
4
5
1
1
8
4
2
1
5
8
4
4
6
6
7
5
8
3
4
4
5
5
3
5
4
8
4
4
3
5
8
1
6
5
3
4
2
4
3
2
4
1
9
1
6
5
7
9
1
8
3
7
8
3
2
1
2
3
4
5
2
7
1
4
5
2
1
6
1
8
1
2
7
2
4
7
5
7
3
2
9
8
8
1
3
5
9
4
9
9
1
3
4
5
1
8
4
1
9
8
8
4
1
5
7
6
7
8
1
4
1
9
7
3
4
9
6
8
9
1
2
5
3
9
8
4
1
3
5
7
7
9
7
2
6
8
2
8
9
8
9
2
5
1
2
6
2
3
7
4
7
3
1
7
1
3
3
8
3
7
6
4
2
6
9
4
7
3
2
5
3
3
3
6
2
8
9
1
9
5
6
2
4
1
9
5
2
8
8
8
8
7
8
3
8
5
5
2
9
4
9
8
8
6
1
5
2
2
4
3
9
7
6
3
8
2
7
7
6
2
1
4
4
8
9
6
7
4
2
4
9
6
6
1
3
5
4
1
5
9
4
9
7
6
3
6
4
7
9
2
5
5
9
4
3
7
7
1
1
5
9
7
8
9
1
8
5
2
6
6
6
9
4
8
2
2
2
4
2
3
6
6
3
3
7
9
1
1
9
2
1
4
3
1
9
5
8
1
4
5
2
2
8
8
7
9
8
1
2
7
8
5
7
6
2
3
3
6
7
7
8
5
3
1
6
6
2
9
4
5
6
8
7
8
4
8
3
6
5
7
3
9
3
5
8
6
2
6
9
8
5
4
1
3
3
2
9
5
6
4
2
4
4
5
1
6
4
2
2
2
5
2
2
7
8
9
6
4
5
9
6
3
7
2
7
4
8
2
8
8
4
9
5
4
5
9
3
8
7
1
5
6
1
4
6
7
3
4
2
6
4
1
9
5
2
4
6
6
2
5
3
2
5
3
1
4
2
3
9
2
4
9
4
8
6
8
7
6
2
7
6
3
4
1
4
3
3
8
9
6
8
3
3
5
5
8
7
5
1
8
9
3
2
6
8
3
8
9
1
4
2
1
6
2
3
4
3
8
4
4
3
3
7
6
3
7
9
8
7
5
4
6
4
5
2
5
5
2
5
6
9
3
7
9
4
5
5
2
3
9
8
3
6
9
4
9
1
6
2
8
3
6
7
8
6
9
1
8
2
5
2
3
9
1
2
2
4
5
8
2
8
5
5
5
8
1
3
9
9
6
1
2
4
4
1
7
5
4
5
9
3
7
9
4
8
3
3
2
3
2
2
7
8
3
4
5
6
5
7
6
4
2
6
7
6
2
9
8
7
7
3
9
9
7
9
9
4
8
4
1
1
1
9
9
9
7
9
6
6
5
9
4
9
6
1
4
3
5
4
3
7
9
7
5
2
3
1
2
7
9
9
5
3
8
8
9
2
6
7
7
4
6
5
4
8
3
1
8
3
6
6
9
2
9
6
1
3
1
6
7
8
1
9
1
7
3
3
8
6
6
9
7
4
5
7
5
2
3
8
4
4
8
2
9
4
5
1
8
9
5
4
7
2
8
3
4
4
2
5
1
5
1
7
5
6
9
4
2
7
7
9
5
9
7
8
4
6
3
9
8
8
8
8
9
4
4
2
5
1
1
5
4
4
9
6
7
8
4
4
9
9
6
8
6
7
5
4
7
3
5
4
5
5
3
4
5
9
1
3
4
6
8
2
7
4
7
9
2
3
6
3
6
6
7
8
8
3
5
9
2
1
1
9
5
2
1
5
2
3
8
6
7
6
6
6
9
1
3
4
5
5
8
7
8
4
9
8
1
7
8
4
6
7
3
5
1
8
2
9
1
5
1
7
2
6
4
5
3
6
9
4
5
3
5
4
3
1
8
6
1
5
1
6
5
9
5
1
1
8
9
2
1
8
3
9
8
3
9
9
9
7
6
4
8
1
1
5
7
4
9
4
4
2
6
4
9
1
7
5
7
9
4
7
4
3
1
6
9
8
7
5
2
7
5
4
3
8
7
4
6
6
2
3
1
6
3
3
6
2
6
7
1
9
9
5
3
9
7
1
6
8
3
9
7
4
3
3
3
7
4
7
9
5
2
6
7
3
2
6
9
4
9
7
5
5
1
7
9
2
2
2
7
6
2
2
7
9
6
5
3
1
1
6
4
1
9
7
5
2
7
4
1
2
3
7
4
7
4
9
2
4
9
2
6
3
6
2
8
8
6
5
7
2
9
5
4
5
3
8
1
8
6
7
6
4
2
7
9
2
7
7
4
4
4
7
6
3
3
8
1
5
6
4
5
9
5
2
4
7
2
1
3
5
6
7
2
3
9
2
6
3
1
8
8
9
7
3
2
8
6
6
9
9
3
7
6
9
4
6
9
6
5
5
2
7
1
6
5
2
8
5
9
5
2
1
3
3
3
4
6
8
2
5
8
8
2
5
4
2
9
7
4
8
7
3
9
7
3
7
5
2
8
3
9
3
2
9
4
1
3
2
5
2
2
1
9
4
7
4
6
9
5
9
9
5
8
3
4
6
4
7
7
5
7
6
2
8
1
4
8
3
6
3
7
6
2
4
5
9
4
4
2
7
1
8
1
4
4
2
4
7
4
4
3
5
2
4
1
3
9
4
8
3
2
2
1
2
1
6
2
9
1
6
7
6
7
2
1
5
5
4
5
9
6
2
8
9
3
7
1
3
2
1
9
6
8
6
2
3
7
8
9
1
9
3
7
3
8
7
2
4
5
5
2
4
9
6
8
5
3
7
1
5
1
8
9
5
6
1
3
1
7
6
7
4
8
7
2
2
8
5
4
9
3
2
6
2
8
4
4
7
6
9
4
4
3
5
2
4
4
7
6
4
6
1
1
5
6
1
5
3
2
5
1
1
1
5
8
2
9
6
3
7
4
4
1
7
1
8
9
1
9
6
1
6
2
6
5
1
6
3
7
8
4
7
4
6
5
8
2
6
2
5
3
5
3
2
9
8
3
9
4
1
1
7
1
8
3
5
8
7
6
3
5
9
1
2
2
7
2
3
5
5
7
3
4
8
8
6
4
8
2
7
5
1
2
2
9
9
3
1
5
7
9
9
2
7
9
2
5
9
3
7
6
8
7
4
6
1
4
6
3
8
7
8
9
4
5
9
6
7
4
5
8
9
7
7
7
1
4
7
6
5
6
9
4
1
3
6
1
9
8
1
6
9
6
9
8
7
8
4
2
2
5
3
8
7
7
2
8
5
1
9
8
5
4
9
4
8
5
5
9
5
1
7
2
7
2
3
2
5
9
8
6
4
8
3
6
5
3
8
2
1
7
2
9
5
6
2
1
8
6
1
2
2
3
8
4
4
2
5
5
8
2
6
8
2
8
6
1
2
5
8
3
3
9
8
9
2
1
1
6
8
1
8
8
8
2
7
2
9
9
9
6
8
8
5
8
9
4
4
9
5
5
1
6
4
6
7
6
2
6
7
6
6
5
2
6
6
5
1
3
1
1
4
6
1
6
6
4
7
5
5
2
3
5
4
2
9
1
7
2
9
9
1
9
4
5
3
1
5
5
4
2
4
9
4
9
7
8
8
5
5
6
2
6
8
4
6
8
4
6
6
8
8
4
3
1
1
1
7
3
8
9
8
3
5
6
3
4
4
3
9
9
2
8
2
1
7
9
5
6
6
9
1
7
3
3
5
7
3
1
7
9
2
6
6
3
3
3
2
2
6
1
5
7
7
9
6
1
5
7
7
1
1
9
3
4
7
1
3
8
9
5
2
5
6
4
2
9
4
9
7
5
6
4
1
9
3
1
7
7
1
2
2
7
1
5
6
7
7
9
5
4
6
8
4
3
8
6
3
3
3
1
1
1
4
9
6
9
5
9
7
2
7
2
9
6
8
1
7
5
1
3
5
1
3
9
6
2
8
9
1
9
9
7
4
5
6
9
6
2
5
3
9
8
7
6
4
5
6
8
3
8
8
2
1
1
2
3
4
6
5
8
3
7
2
7
3
4
6
1
4
2
7
7
7
1
5
1
8
9
3
7
5
7
2
3
3
5
4
5
8
1
1
7
9
8
9
3
1
4
1
4
5
7
3
8
4
5
2
9
2
5
9
8
6
3
7
7
8
4
8
3
6
7
2
8
1
5
7
5
3
9
8
7
4
4
7
5
4
7
4
8
5
4
6
6
2
8
6
3
6
6
5
5
1
3
1
2
1
5
3
9
2
2
2
2
3
2
7
5
1
8
4
9
3
8
9
5
7
9
8
8
7
3
2
2
3
5
3
9
1
5
2
3
3
8
2
7
5
3
5
7
2
4
6
1
8
3
4
9
3
2
5
9
4
3
4
5
6
5
6
1
7
8
9
3
9
1
2
6
7
5
4
9
7
1
2
6
1
6
2
3
5
8
4
4
8
6
9
6
8
4
5
3
8
1
7
1
3
6
2
9
6
4
1
5
3
1
9
6
4
7
8
5
6
8
4
3
8
9
4
3
2
9
4
9
9
5
4
2
1
6
5
3
6
8
2
6
8
7
9
6
9
9
7
1
8
9
4
4
8
4
5
9
9
9
7
5
9
6
4
3
9
4
3
1
3
3
7
6
8
8
2
6
8
4
5
5
8
4
8
3
3
6
6
5
6
4
7
6
2
5
3
8
8
2
2
2
9
4
9
2
5
8
8
6
9
8
1
7
3
4
8
4
4
5
7
6
4
1
5
8
7
6
4
3
1
5
3
1
1
9
8
7
4
4
9
3
2
3
7
5
9
4
9
7
7
6
9
9
1
8
8
3
9
8
1
2
4
8
4
4
7
4
4
1
2
2
4
7
6
6
6
8
7
8
2
3
3
6
5
8
8
1
5
2
9
8
6
3
4
6
9
5
1
1
4
7
6
3
1
9
4
5
1
2
9
5
7
7
3
5
1
5
8
7
3
6
2
2
2
3
2
5
7
7
3
3
8
5
6
1
2
7
2
8
1
9
4
7
3
2
3
7
4
5
6
8
4
3
6
7
4
6
1
1
9
5
4
9
5
1
6
4
4
8
7
5
8
1
4
5
7
5
9
7
3
3
8
7
3
5
7
3
7
4
6
2
9
3
4
7
4
1
9
2
9
9
8
1
7
1
4
8
2
8
8
3
9
2
2
3
5
5
9
1
5
6
2
4
8
5
6
8
7
5
8
2
6
5
9
5
5
2
6
2
5
7
4
7
2
2
5
1
8
2
3
2
6
5
3
1
3
2
1
7
5
9
8
7
7
1
5
4
1
3
1
5
1
3
7
3
1
4
1
1
5
6
6
5
2
6
2
2
5
1
6
8
5
2
9
3
2
7
5
7
9
7
3
8
9
8
1
7
6
6
1
5
1
4
1
6
9
3
2
1
1
8
8
1
8
4
7
7
7
4
9
5
2
6
3
1
4
4
4
4
9
4
2
1
9
7
7
9
7
3
3
5
7
5
8
2
4
7
6
7
6
2
1
2
9
8
1
2
1
3
6
2
9
4
2
5
2
5
9
9
9
2
1
1
6
4
1
5
4
3
9
8
8
5
9
1
1
9
8
5
8
6
1
2
6
6
3
5
5
7
6
1
9
7
8
4
2
5
4
5
5
8
3
4
1
6
1
5
4
1
6
2
5
5
2
3
9
8
4
5
6
3
8
7
8
6
3
4
6
5
2
2
6
6
7
8
4
2
7
2
8
7
9
7
1
9
7
6
6
3
4
4
4
1
3
9
4
4
2
8
7
1
6
9
8
7
8
7
3
7
5
6
7
8
9
5
4
7
4
4
8
8
2
2
2
4
8
5
8
6
2
4
5
4
4
6
1
8
4
7
3
7
9
3
8
2
3
3
3
9
8
8
5
1
1
9
7
7
5
5
1
8
9
1
6
4
8
2
3
1
8
6
1
6
9
5
2
1
7
7
6
9
3
4
8
4
9
2
5
2
4
9
8
2
1
8
6
6
7
1
9
3
9
5
5
3
6
6
1
7
7
6
3
8
1
8
8
1
7
6
2
1
2
6
5
5
1
5
7
3
3
8
1
8
4
4
6
8
5
2
9
4
1
8
2
2
5
1
1
3
3
1
2
6
3
5
5
1
4
2
7
7
9
6
9
4
8
7
5
4
2
5
2
5
8
7
1
9
2
8
8
9
8
4
1
4
6
2
1
7
8
7
8
4
6
5
6
7
2
7
8
4
4
2
7
6
5
9
5
4
9
7
7
7
4
8
1
9
3
5
3
4
6
5
2
1
6
3
1
1
4
8
1
2
7
2
9
9
6
1
1
7
9
9
9
8
4
3
5
7
6
6
5
5
5
2
6
1
2
1
6
7
2
4
3
6
4
8
7
4
2
7
3
4
4
9
3
1
8
6
2
2
6
4
1
5
9
5
7
3
9
4
7
6
8
8
2
5
7
7
3
3
5
2
6
6
3
2
2
9
5
1
5
9
6
2
9
9
5
1
4
9
3
4
2
1
5
2
9
2
8
2
8
1
4
4
6
7
7
8
9
1
4
8
6
9
4
1
9
7
1
2
7
8
3
6
7
2
5
1
2
6
1
2
7
5
2
4
1
3
1
7
1
4
9
5
2
3
4
6
2
6
5
9
7
7
9
9
3
4
3
8
6
4
2
3
1
9
1
3
9
4
4
8
1
3
5
2
1
6
1
4
6
4
6
7
2
1
1
8
5
8
4
4
9
2
7
3
2
6
5
5
1
5
3
1
5
3
3
5
1
2
2
8
3
8
8
6
3
4
3
1
3
2
6
7
4
9
8
6
4
8
3
1
1
6
3
7
2
6
8
6
8
5
4
2
6
8
9
9
1
3
7
4
6
6
5
8
8
5
6
9
4
2
3
9
3
4
5
2
3
3
1
8
6
6
1
8
6
3
9
9
5
4
2
5
5
7
6
5
9
5
5
4
5
7
5
7
9
5
4
5
5
9
3
1
7
5
6
8
1
7
5
9
9
5
6
3
1
2
9
3
4
5
9
2
2
2
8
8
3
4
2
4
3
9
1
6
5
6
1
1
5
6
3
1
5
3
3
4
6
7
5
4
6
8
8
9
1
8
9
3
2
5
4
4
6
2
3
5
3
9
2
6
8
8
1
2
8
5
1
6
7
8
3
6
7
5
5
1
2
7
5
3
4
7
2
8
1
8
2
1
8
1
9
4
9
2
3
3
6
5
4
8
8
3
4
8
5
5
2
4
9
7
7
9
8
1
1
4
7
3
9
6
3
9
7
6
5
2
5
5
9
8
7
7
5
7
2
4
5
1
9
5
8
6
5
8
2
9
2
4
1
6
9
9
6
7
6
8
8
3
4
3
8
1
3
2
7
5
4
9
8
9
2
9
8
4
1
4
6
2
4
6
3
6
2
3
3
6
7
7
7
4
3
5
6
4
3
8
7
2
1
5
1
7
2
9
7
2
7
3
7
7
5
7
7
8
6
1
7
5
8
4
6
5
9
4
5
1
6
6
5
1
4
9
7
8
6
9
8
5
6
4
9
8
4
2
5
8
4
6
6
6
5
5
6
5
6
7
6
5
4
9
8
3
6
1
8
5
3
8
2
5
7
1
4
8
3
2
8
2
8
2
9
9
5
3
9
7
5
3
4
5
9
2
6
3
6
4
7
5
7
6
2
5
5
8
7
9
1
2
4
7
9
3
8
5
7
1
4
7
1
8
1
1
8
9
5
4
7
7
7
5
7
1
4
9
1
7
7
1
6
2
2
8
6
8
7
1
4
4
1
9
8
2
8
1
8
3
3
5
4
6
6
5
3
1
5
5
9
6
4
7
1
2
5
6
2
5
7
8
3
6
2
1
3
7
5
4
6
3
5
3
4
8
5
4
8
2
5
2
1
5
1
6
3
9
3
6
7
3
1
5
2
3
9
8
4
6
1
4
3
6
7
9
8
8
2
7
7
5
1
2
1
1
7
4
3
7
8
6
2
8
3
7
5
5
5
5
1
5
3
2
6
5
7
5
1
2
3
6
2
2
1
2
4
6
8
6
9
7
1
3
9
8
8
7
5
4
5
4
3
1
3
1
1
6
2
7
7
6
8
7
7
4
1
2
5
4
5
4
9
1
7
6
9
1
7
7
3
5
6
2
7
3
5
5
8
5
5
9
4
9
8
2
7
3
4
9
1
9
9
2
4
5
2
3
7
7
8
2
6
1
8
7
1
9
3
2
1
4
8
1
3
4
2
2
5
8
4
6
7
3
7
1
1
1
9
5
5
7
2
3
7
4
7
3
8
7
4
6
6
2
6
7
9
5
8
9
2
1
3
2
7
8
8
7
6
1
1
5
6
8
3
2
4
1
8
5
8
2
9
7
3
6
9
9
3
5
5
9
7
2
7
2
9
8
1
3
1
5
1
7
8
3
1
1
8
6
2
8
4
4
7
1
1
4
8
3
9
5
3
6
3
5
9
9
5
7
7
4
6
3
6
6
9
5
5
4
8
4
6
8
9
3
1
5
4
8
5
2
3
8
1
6
9
7
6
6
7
9
3
7
6
3
7
3
7
9
9
2
2
4
9
3
1
2
2
4
5
5
6
2
7
5
3
8
1
6
7
8
4
3
5
3
4
5
3
7
6
1
6
8
8
9
2
5
7
1
6
2
8
8
7
6
9
2
3
9
3
8
4
4
3
1
3
7
8
4
1
7
1
7
7
5
2
6
4
5
2
9
3
6
6
4
8
9
2
6
3
7
8
9
5
4
5
8
6
4
3
4
9
9
3
2
7
8
7
5
8
8
7
1
1
9
2
2
1
5
5
6
7
6
6
7
2
3
7
9
8
6
4
7
3
1
8
9
3
8
7
3
7
2
7
2
3
4
3
9
3
7
9
8
4
3
1
1
1
9
9
2
1
1
9
5
1
7
2
1
5
8
9
1
9
5
6
5
1
2
3
4
8
1
1
4
2
9
5
4
3
6
2
8
7
1
3
9
4
7
5
8
4
1
2
9
9
7
6
5
7
3
8
7
9
1
7
5
1
3
6
9
2
6
7
4
4
8
5
2
4
4
8
4
8
6
8
2
6
3
5
8
5
2
4
8
2
2
7
7
9
5
8
7
8
4
2
1
5
4
9
7
9
6
2
8
6
6
1
5
3
5
5
7
2
9
1
5
2
1
9
8
9
3
4
4
6
5
7
1
5
8
5
6
6
5
2
6
5
3
8
2
3
3
8
3
5
4
4
4
7
2
8
2
2
8
4
2
5
8
3
2
2
7
2
4
6
7
8
3
7
6
5
2
8
6
9
2
6
1
3
4
8
8
4
4
4
2
2
4
9
6
3
3
2
6
3
7
9
8
8
3
8
8
3
8
8
2
8
3
6
1
3
9
5
7
6
6
7
4
4
4
3
8
7
3
4
4
5
2
8
9
3
9
4
2
4
9
9
4
7
7
8
7
5
9
4
3
4
1
9
2
7
5
7
7
9
6
9
2
7
5
3
7
1
8
8
9
6
8
8
3
3
6
8
9
7
7
8
4
7
3
5
2
2
6
3
7
4
7
9
8
6
1
6
3
8
1
9
9
5
9
6
8
3
7
8
1
8
4
2
6
6
4
8
6
1
8
9
1
1
8
5
1
1
2
1
1
2
3
4
4
1
8
1
8
4
2
1
5
6
9
7
8
2
3
4
5
1
2
8
6
9
7
2
7
5
6
9
5
3
3
8
7
7
2
5
8
8
1
2
6
1
8
4
8
9
8
1
2
3
1
5
9
6
3
2
8
9
5
1
6
6
6
9
8
2
3
9
3
6
6
6
9
2
1
8
6
3
8
9
5
9
7
3
3
5
9
2
8
4
7
3
5
1
3
3
9
8
8
4
8
9
4
8
5
8
4
6
8
1
3
4
4
6
2
2
7
5
3
7
9
8
4
8
5
8
5
3
8
6
9
5
5
5
6
6
6
1
3
3
4
9
1
1
1
2
9
7
9
1
1
3
7
1
9
2
2
4
2
5
1
1
1
5
3
5
3
9
5
8
9
1
5
1
4
1
8
4
2
9
2
2
6
6
4
5
5
6
5
6
6
8
4
8
5
3
5
6
2
4
9
2
2
3
6
5
4
7
2
1
8
6
7
5
5
7
9
2
3
2
6
4
4
1
4
5
6
1
1
8
5
6
3
6
1
6
3
8
2
1
9
2
6
3
3
2
2
4
9
7
6
4
5
8
1
1
5
2
1
4
1
3
6
8
4
4
4
5
5
7
3
8
9
5
5
7
7
2
2
3
4
9
3
4
7
4
9
1
1
4
4
9
4
7
7
4
2
1
2
2
8
1
6
4
8
2
4
4
5
8
2
1
6
8
9
2
7
9
4
4
4
2
5
2
3
8
2
1
6
3
4
6
3
5
6
5
2
7
6
7
5
3
5
9
2
9
4
9
2
8
4
4
5
1
5
8
5
2
7
8
7
8
1
5
1
4
6
1
9
9
9
2
9
9
8
4
2
9
4
3
2
7
1
7
8
6
6
4
4
1
3
3
5
2
9
7
7
2
4
2
1
7
5
4
6
8
2
9
8
6
6
1
7
5
9
4
3
5
5
4
4
5
1
9
4
7
1
9
1
2
3
5
1
2
4
8
3
7
4
2
9
8
2
1
7
1
2
5
1
3
8
9
3
1
9
6
3
1
8
2
4
7
9
4
1
4
1
2
8
1
1
1
4
5
5
6
6
4
5
9
2
4
8
7
9
7
3
8
6
1
3
8
2
8
8
7
8
6
5
7
2
9
8
5
6
4
7
6
1
2
6
8
6
9
5
8
6
1
9
5
1
5
3
2
1
2
8
7
5
2
6
5
3
5
2
7
9
5
7
9
7
6
8
1
1
4
5
8
3
5
9
9
9
1
6
4
2
3
4
7
9
1
3
8
8
6
1
6
9
2
1
4
5
7
3
3
7
4
7
1
8
8
8
1
2
2
7
4
4
8
6
3
2
8
4
6
8
2
4
2
6
5
4
5
7
5
6
3
4
6
7
9
3
3
1
4
6
1
5
1
6
4
9
6
2
8
8
6
7
9
6
2
9
3
1
6
7
1
3
9
2
2
8
8
1
6
2
1
3
7
5
4
6
6
1
9
9
9
8
5
7
3
9
8
1
8
8
6
5
1
8
8
5
4
4
8
1
5
3
3
7
6
5
4
6
3
5
1
6
5
5
3
2
9
1
8
2
4
5
6
5
3
7
6
5
5
9
3
7
7
2
8
5
8
6
8
5
4
6
3
2
7
1
1
8
5
6
3
6
3
5
4
6
5
1
4
1
7
4
3
3
3
1
2
2
8
6
3
5
1
7
1
8
3
6
4
9
5
1
2
2
3
3
2
3
1
8
9
2
9
9
8
1
5
6
4
6
1
6
2
9
5
5
9
3
8
7
2
7
2
2
8
2
6
7
9
3
8
2
2
7
8
1
6
2
3
2
3
8
8
4
8
5
8
5
4
4
8
6
3
7
2
4
5
9
2
4
5
6
2
7
8
1
4
4
5
8
6
3
3
3
1
7
6
4
2
9
4
4
4
2
4
3
9
7
1
7
7
9
5
1
9
7
7
9
3
6
7
3
3
3
5
4
6
3
1
7
4
6
7
6
1
6
2
7
7
8
5
4
8
5
2
2
4
5
4
4
4
4
5
8
4
2
7
6
3
8
8
8
6
7
3
1
3
3
3
5
2
1
1
5
8
6
3
3
5
2
1
6
4
1
7
9
4
5
3
2
7
2
9
7
9
4
5
8
8
2
2
2
8
8
2
6
5
9
8
8
9
7
2
9
2
8
3
4
8
6
7
1
9
6
5
5
6
4
9
4
1
1
4
4
3
7
9
1
6
9
5
3
2
7
4
9
9
6
1
6
2
5
1
2
8
2
1
9
1
9
6
7
1
5
6
2
6
1
5
8
8
8
3
2
2
7
4
7
1
6
1
7
2
9
1
2
2
3
5
6
2
2
3
3
7
2
5
8
4
2
6
4
6
2
1
8
1
7
9
4
9
1
6
4
9
6
2
9
5
8
1
4
6
1
5
2
3
1
1
1
6
2
1
4
7
2
1
4
2
2
2
2
6
2
2
2
9
1
5
4
4
9
9
7
3
2
1
2
1
7
9
5
1
5
3
1
6
6
1
8
4
1
9
5
6
7
6
7
4
8
2
6
1
3
1
2
6
5
6
6
8
1
1
2
6
6
7
1
2
7
8
4
7
5
8
7
1
5
3
9
1
7
5
9
5
8
6
7
6
6
9
2
9
5
6
9
7
9
3
4
2
9
5
3
4
6
6
3
4
7
6
4
9
6
3
8
9
4
1
4
3
6
5
7
4
4
3
6
7
8
9
6
6
7
6
7
9
1
7
8
7
9
7
3
9
4
6
7
2
2
2
5
3
2
4
3
5
6
5
3
8
4
9
5
7
1
1
3
1
7
2
6
4
9
3
9
6
3
7
7
5
6
1
3
8
5
8
7
6
2
2
6
3
9
3
2
2
7
1
7
1
3
2
9
2
7
3
3
2
2
6
7
4
4
4
9
6
7
7
2
6
8
7
9
9
6
2
2
3
1
2
3
7
8
5
8
3
1
6
9
8
5
9
1
3
6
8
6
3
3
7
9
8
4
9
6
1
5
7
7
6
1
1
4
1
5
5
9
2
5
6
2
5
1
5
5
1
4
1
4
4
8
8
6
5
4
6
4
3
6
8
4
6
5
3
5
8
8
2
2
7
1
5
6
1
3
1
4
6
4
1
4
7
9
3
9
3
6
9
7
6
5
4
3
9
4
4
4
2
1
9
5
3
7
3
7
7
7
6
5
3
5
8
3
2
4
7
1
3
6
7
5
6
3
4
4
3
2
9
2
8
2
9
8
3
9
6
5
9
4
4
7
9
2
7
3
4
4
2
5
3
6
1
5
9
1
7
2
2
7
4
1
9
2
9
9
8
4
2
2
9
2
6
8
8
1
2
3
6
5
6
7
9
1
2
1
6
3
9
7
6
8
7
6
3
3
1
9
6
6
6
8
4
3
4
3
4
5
6
8
5
6
7
3
5
3
9
9
1
3
4
9
3
9
1
1
7
2
7
3
5
4
2
5
5
3
5
1
6
1
2
1
8
2
3
3
6
9
2
8
1
3
4
4
2
5
1
6
3
3
1
9
9
2
5
6
7
6
8
1
3
8
5
2
3
7
7
9
1
1
8
3
1
1
5
6
6
3
1
4
2
4
7
5
9
2
6
1
6
5
1
4
2
6
1
3
3
5
7
6
2
6
3
7
2
1
2
1
3
3
2
5
2
6
3
4
2
3
9
4
5
7
4
2
1
6
4
9
6
5
3
5
1
5
9
2
1
5
7
8
1
6
6
4
2
6
4
9
6
5
7
7
5
9
7
2
3
6
3
2
7
8
6
8
6
5
7
7
9
7
2
2
6
3
6
4
4
9
4
9
3
8
6
9
7
6
6
6
8
4
1
5
7
9
8
3
7
6
4
6
8
7
2
9
8
1
7
2
8
4
4
8
6
2
7
5
5
9
3
7
4
3
7
2
7
7
9
3
6
5
5
5
9
3
8
6
4
2
4
1
4
1
8
4
6
2
4
9
8
2
3
7
3
7
3
6
5
6
5
2
2
4
8
8
9
4
5
9
6
1
2
9
1
3
6
5
3
3
2
8
8
2
9
5
6
8
1
7
7
9
3
7
4
5
3
1
6
1
2
3
7
7
4
3
3
9
5
2
3
8
7
5
7
4
6
6
8
1
8
7
4
6
4
7
2
2
7
8
8
9
4
5
1
1
3
5
9
5
7
5
8
1
4
6
1
4
8
6
3
9
2
6
9
4
1
5
6
9
5
8
9
8
5
3
3
5
5
3
9
9
6
7
3
9
4
4
8
8
2
9
9
5
1
2
8
8
1
9
3
7
4
8
7
1
4
4
5
7
9
1
1
3
4
4
3
2
7
7
7
8
9
3
8
6
4
8
4
3
6
5
6
8
5
5
8
4
9
1
8
3
5
9
8
6
3
9
7
8
6
8
6
8
7
1
4
4
4
6
3
9
9
3
7
4
7
3
3
1
6
4
2
9
6
5
2
7
4
2
7
8
7
5
7
8
9
7
1
4
5
7
9
7
8
4
6
3
1
7
2
9
7
4
2
5
7
9
6
9
5
7
4
9
7
4
5
5
9
8
2
5
5
7
3
6
1
7
8
4
7
2
3
4
2
1
8
8
4
6
6
1
3
2
8
4
6
4
7
1
2
4
8
4
9
9
4
7
8
1
7
6
7
5
2
8
4
1
6
1
4
5
8
8
1
8
7
4
6
5
7
9
5
7
5
4
1
9
6
9
5
6
9
1
2
9
1
8
1
1
9
1
6
1
3
2
8
8
4
4
5
9
1
9
2
3
5
3
9
8
4
4
6
7
9
8
8
7
8
7
7
2
4
9
5
3
4
4
9
1
3
9
9
2
7
2
7
5
4
3
7
6
6
2
8
4
9
2
6
5
4
3
9
8
9
4
2
1
2
6
3
8
7
1
2
7
3
5
2
2
9
1
9
2
2
3
4
4
1
8
3
8
8
2
9
5
5
1
4
7
2
1
7
9
8
3
9
6
2
3
8
2
6
3
5
9
8
2
7
9
3
9
7
6
6
7
9
6
9
8
7
9
6
7
8
7
2
7
4
6
3
3
1
8
8
9
8
9
9
2
4
8
8
8
1
8
3
6
9
9
2
9
7
8
7
6
7
6
9
8
7
6
7
8
5
4
3
2
5
6
1
4
9
8
6
3
4
1
4
7
3
1
9
6
2
6
5
8
7
4
2
7
3
5
5
8
1
2
3
8
7
8
8
4
6
1
2
8
4
4
2
2
9
6
7
9
4
6
8
1
3
2
8
4
1
9
8
9
3
1
9
8
4
1
2
5
1
3
6
3
5
4
1
1
3
1
4
6
1
6
9
8
2
1
1
6
4
2
6
2
3
9
3
5
5
2
8
6
8
6
4
7
5
7
2
6
3
1
7
6
3
7
6
6
3
8
4
1
3
9
2
5
7
4
8
2
6
4
2
6
3
3
9
8
9
5
7
5
1
2
7
7
5
2
3
2
4
6
7
7
6
3
1
8
4
8
2
2
8
1
5
6
3
4
8
7
8
5
1
7
3
8
8
6
8
2
4
1
2
2
2
3
2
6
8
5
2
7
9
4
3
6
1
3
9
2
2
4
9
4
1
7
6
3
9
7
5
3
8
6
6
3
9
4
7
5
9
7
1
7
2
2
2
5
4
3
6
7
4
1
1
9
3
4
1
9
9
4
2
6
3
2
1
6
5
9
8
1
5
1
2
7
8
4
6
4
8
4
5
3
1
8
9
7
1
7
3
3
6
7
1
8
3
5
5
6
2
1
3
3
7
6
3
9
5
6
3
8
4
7
6
5
2
5
3
1
9
9
1
4
3
3
9
4
8
3
3
2
7
3
8
4
5
1
4
9
5
6
9
8
7
6
1
2
8
4
9
4
6
8
8
3
6
8
9
6
3
5
8
8
1
3
3
7
3
4
4
1
4
5
9
7
8
4
5
2
8
1
6
5
2
3
4
8
5
7
9
5
3
8
3
2
5
8
1
6
4
5
5
5
5
6
9
3
1
1
9
2
2
1
3
5
7
5
4
2
4
1
6
1
2
2
4
5
9
4
5
4
4
9
3
1
7
1
9
2
7
1
6
2
5
7
5
2
9
6
6
8
5
9
9
3
9
6
9
5
4
8
5
7
1
3
5
5
6
3
2
3
6
9
5
4
2
5
9
4
2
4
8
5
9
9
1
8
2
2
8
3
2
4
3
4
7
9
8
4
6
4
9
6
7
3
5
4
1
3
7
8
4
4
8
4
6
4
8
1
7
1
3
6
6
1
1
2
4
9
2
3
4
9
7
2
9
2
7
9
7
1
5
7
7
6
2
7
5
7
2
7
7
2
8
5
9
3
4
3
1
3
9
4
8
7
6
6
7
1
7
1
9
1
3
5
3
8
9
9
1
4
8
6
9
2
2
1
7
6
8
6
1
7
3
5
1
8
8
9
2
3
3
6
1
1
7
7
5
8
2
8
4
3
4
2
5
5
5
7
7
9
7
2
2
6
2
5
5
4
8
2
5
5
6
5
7
8
1
3
1
7
6
7
1
7
4
4
4
1
8
8
6
3
6
7
1
8
9
2
7
2
4
3
5
6
3
2
5
5
4
7
7
3
5
8
4
4
3
5
5
9
5
8
1
2
3
5
8
5
8
2
1
9
1
7
7
1
1
1
2
1
3
2
4
9
6
9
5
1
2
6
8
2
1
2
1
8
5
1
6
9
7
7
2
3
9
5
2
4
5
6
7
2
3
2
3
2
8
9
6
6
1
1
2
3
5
7
3
8
1
4
7
1
1
3
5
6
9
2
3
3
8
4
8
1
4
8
5
7
3
6
8
6
4
5
2
1
3
2
5
4
3
3
5
9
1
7
2
6
6
7
7
6
2
3
4
1
2
1
8
2
6
2
5
2
2
4
8
6
5
9
6
8
1
4
8
5
6
9
8
8
5
6
8
8
6
5
7
4
1
5
1
6
2
1
5
5
1
2
3
8
9
7
1
1
2
7
7
4
8
6
1
9
9
5
6
4
9
4
1
9
9
3
5
2
7
6
3
7
1
8
9
5
2
6
3
5
2
1
6
6
4
3
8
9
9
9
5
5
8
7
6
7
3
9
2
3
6
3
8
9
4
4
1
8
4
7
2
7
6
8
4
6
7
1
3
5
1
2
4
1
3
3
4
6
3
9
1
1
4
4
3
6
9
7
4
3
8
8
8
9
4
3
1
7
1
6
3
1
7
5
3
6
1
9
6
3
4
4
5
7
3
6
1
7
8
3
5
1
4
7
2
5
3
4
3
8
7
3
9
7
4
6
2
2
3
7
2
1
7
1
8
6
1
6
1
7
2
5
6
4
4
1
2
7
8
4
2
3
5
1
8
8
3
6
8
8
1
8
3
1
5
9
7
9
3
7
9
4
6
6
2
2
3
3
8
9
6
5
8
7
9
2
5
3
3
1
1
5
9
9
1
8
5
8
1
6
4
2
3
2
7
3
7
7
8
4
1
1
5
5
6
5
6
7
4
7
5
5
7
4
6
4
3
1
4
5
7
8
2
4
3
3
1
2
8
5
7
4
8
8
8
3
2
9
3
9
5
2
8
5
6
8
1
1
1
2
4
4
8
1
3
5
6
5
9
2
4
2
2
8
9
8
9
3
2
2
7
8
6
8
8
2
9
2
3
9
6
8
8
1
2
3
7
2
6
5
6
5
7
1
5
9
6
3
4
3
1
9
2
3
3
8
1
2
1
1
9
9
6
5
5
5
3
4
5
7
6
9
2
1
1
3
9
4
7
5
4
6
4
3
4
8
4
1
1
7
8
3
8
3
5
3
5
7
7
9
6
9
7
4
9
1
6
7
7
8
5
9
9
4
5
7
3
7
2
7
4
2
4
4
5
7
6
8
4
1
6
6
4
9
6
5
2
9
8
2
8
6
7
7
4
5
6
8
8
5
5
3
9
9
2
5
6
3
4
5
9
6
1
6
7
8
9
3
4
7
7
6
2
4
1
1
4
2
6
9
5
1
8
6
3
3
7
2
3
6
9
2
9
4
5
4
4
2
5
9
4
6
5
9
8
2
6
2
4
1
8
4
7
2
7
6
2
2
9
2
5
7
9
8
3
3
2
9
2
4
5
1
1
7
5
9
7
2
5
5
4
6
8
5
9
1
7
3
2
3
9
4
3

8
7
6
8
7
1
6
5
8
5
1
1
6
1
8
1
1

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure

[Anonymous Coward]

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica


Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.

Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.

Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows


Part 1 - Section 1


Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.

Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.

"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...

Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."

After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.

"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.

Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.

"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.

"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.


Part 2


*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.

"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.

His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.

A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.

His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.

When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.

The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.

He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.

As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.

However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.

He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.

And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.


Part 3


"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.

"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.

Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.

"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"

"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.

"What was that?" Gates asked.

"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.

"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.

"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.

"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"

"No, sir."

"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."

"Really?"

"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."

"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.

"Ballmer, get the gag."

"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.

Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.

"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."

Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.


Part 4


"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.

"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.

"Do it!" demanded Gates.

"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.

Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.

"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.

Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.

"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.

"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."

"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.

"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.

"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"

"What?!" cried Ballmer.

"Just do it!"

"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.

"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."

"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.

"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.

"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"

"Obey me then."

Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.

"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.

Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.

"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.

"You need to see this."

"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.

*That can soon be amended,* he thought.

"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"

Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.

"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.

"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.

Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."

The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.

"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."

Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.

"Yes, Master."

Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.

"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."

Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.

"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.

Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.

Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.

"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."

Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.


Part 5


After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.

A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.

The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.

The duffel bag was on fire.

"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.

Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.

Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.

Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.

"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."

Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.

"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."

Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!

When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.

"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.

"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.


Part 6


Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.

"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.

Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.

"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.

"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."

Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.

Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.

He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.

Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.

*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*

"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"

He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.

Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.

Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.

They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.

"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."

Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.

Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.

"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.

"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.

"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.

"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."

Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.


Continued in Section 2

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure

[Anonymous Coward]

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica


Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.

Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.

Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows


Part 1 - Section 1


Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.

Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.

"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...

Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."

After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.

"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.

Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.

"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.

"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.


Part 2


*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.

"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.

His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.

A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.

His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.

When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.

The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.

He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.

As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.

However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.

He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.

And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.


Part 3


"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.

"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.

Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.

"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"

"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.

"What was that?" Gates asked.

"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.

"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.

"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.

"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"

"No, sir."

"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."

"Really?"

"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."

"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.

"Ballmer, get the gag."

"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.

Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.

"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."

Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.


Part 4


"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.

"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.

"Do it!" demanded Gates.

"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.

Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.

"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.

Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.

"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.

"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."

"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.

"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.

"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"

"What?!" cried Ballmer.

"Just do it!"

"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.

"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."

"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.

"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.

"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"

"Obey me then."

Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.

"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.

Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.

"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.

"You need to see this."

"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.

*That can soon be amended,* he thought.

"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"

Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.

"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.

"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.

Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."

The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.

"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."

Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.

"Yes, Master."

Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.

"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."

Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.

"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.

Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.

Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.

"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."

Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.


Part 5


After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.

A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.

The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.

The duffel bag was on fire.

"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.

Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.

Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.

Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.

"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."

Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.

"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."

Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!

When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.

"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.

"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.


Part 6


Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.

"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.

Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.

"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.

"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."

Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.

Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.

He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.

Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.

*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*

"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"

He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.

Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.

Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.

They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.

"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."

Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.

Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.

"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.

"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.

"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.

"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."

Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.


Continued in Section 2

Re:Fuck i just posted to my journal

[Anonymous Coward]

Breaking News -- Terrorists have attacked the United States.

Once again, middle-eastern terrorists from Osama bin Ladens' Al Qaeda terrorist network have attacked The United States of America. The attack of September 11, 2001 pales in comparison to this highly coordinated, massive attack.

The White House, the Capitol Building, and the United Nations building are smoldering in ruins after being attacked by truck bombs and hijacked commercial airliners. Thousands of government officials are presumed dead while rescue efforts are being hindered by intense heat and smoke.

There are reports of further attacks in Atlanta, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, New York, Seattle, and Miami.

* Unconfirmed: Rumors are surfacing that the heart of Los Angeles was attacked using multiple 10-ton ammonium nitrate truck bombs detonated in multiple locations.

* Confirmed: Large portion of downtown Chicago sprayed with anthrax via multiple cropduster aircraft. Sadly, the terrorists operating the cropdusters were able to disseminate almost their entire arsenals of anthrax before being shot down by US military F-16's. In this first ever wide-spread biological attack, millions of innocent men, women and children were exterminated like insects.

* Confirmed: Nuclear explosion in New York City. A rental truck carrying an unidentified type of nuclear weapon was detonated in New York City early this morning. Details are sketchy, but US Government officials are saying the blast was somewhere in the magnitude of 15 megatons.

President Bush and Vice President Cheney are believed dead in the White House destruction.

Nuclear strikes have been launched by the United States military against Phillipines, Iraq, Afghanistan, India, Pakistan, and Somolia. All of these countries have been hit by at least five Titan II ICBM's and one 100-kiloton thermonuclear warhead; millions are believed to be dead.

Martial law has been declared across the entire US in an attempt to try and control the wide-scale looting in major US cities. High ranking military commanders have assumed control of the military retaliation, as the President and Vice President are presumed dead.

Government officials who weren't killed in the attacks are now attempting to keep control the chaotic country from the bunkers under the White House. The US Government is broadcasting nationwide television and radio announcements to inform the public of the status of the country.

I suggest you all stop what you are doing and spend some time with your families, because quite frankly, World War 3 is upon us.

More details to come.

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure

[Anonymous Coward]

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica


Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.

Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.

Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows


Part 1 - Section 1


Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.

Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.

"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...

Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."

After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.

"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.

Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.

"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.

"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.


Part 2


*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.

"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.

His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.

A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.

His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.

When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.

The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.

He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.

As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.

However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.

He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.

And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.


Part 3


"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.

"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.

Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.

"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"

"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.

"What was that?" Gates asked.

"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.

"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.

"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.

"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"

"No, sir."

"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."

"Really?"

"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."

"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.

"Ballmer, get the gag."

"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.

Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.

"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."

Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.


Part 4


"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.

"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.

"Do it!" demanded Gates.

"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.

Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.

"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.

Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.

"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.

"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."

"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.

"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.

"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"

"What?!" cried Ballmer.

"Just do it!"

"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.

"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."

"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.

"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.

"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"

"Obey me then."

Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.

"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.

Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.

"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.

"You need to see this."

"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.

*That can soon be amended,* he thought.

"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"

Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.

"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.

"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.

Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."

The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.

"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."

Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.

"Yes, Master."

Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.

"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."

Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.

"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.

Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.

Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.

"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."

Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.


Part 5


After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.

A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.

The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.

The duffel bag was on fire.

"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.

Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.

Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.

Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.

"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."

Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.

"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."

Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!

When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.

"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.

"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.


Part 6


Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.

"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.

Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.

"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.

"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."

Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.

Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.

He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.

Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.

*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*

"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"

He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.

Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.

Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.

They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.

"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."

Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.

Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.

"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.

"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.

"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.

"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."

Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.


Continued in Section 2

YEP!

[Unleaded42]

3
2
6
2
3
3
6
6
2
5
8
4
6
5
6
2
2
8
6
3
7
1
9
4
1
6
7
4
4
5
1
9
6
7
6
5
1
6
2
9
5
8
3
3
6
9
2
7
3
3
3
8
6
9
5
3
5
4
7
5
8
6
7
5
8
6
8
4
6
1
3
4
9
9
5
2
8
5
5
1
2
2
6
8
9
9
3
2
9
4
3
7
5
9
5
7
9
7
7
5
1
4
5
7
5
3
8
5
2
2
1
1
1
9
8
2
3
7
4
1
2
2
2
9
1
7
5
5
3
5
7
4
1
9
1
6
1
6
9
6
8
8
9
9
3
8
2
4
7
8
9
9
2
8
4
3
8
4
9
1
1
8
2
5
6
3
5
1
3
9
4
7
3
2
7
9
6
1
3
8
6
8
2
5
9
4
7
1
3
2
2
5
3
6
3
3
4
3
8
7
9
6
2
8
5
5
8
9
6
8
6
2
5
3
5
4
5
9
5
5
2
3
7
3
8
5
9
4
9
5
1
4
9
8
6
1
6
3
3
1
6
1
8
3
1
8
3
5
3
1
2
1
5
9
6
4
8
2
6
8
5
6
5
2
6
5
7
9
5
4
1
5
8
7
4
2
1
9
8
3
6
2
1
8
4
9
6
4
6
4
9
9
5
4
4
2
4
7
9
4
6
3
6
2
7
1
6
1
2
9
3
2
7
1
2
5
5
5
4
6
9
9
9
4
8
9
9
6
9
6
2
1
4
4
7
4
3
1
8
4
6
4
8
2
5
4
5
3
5
9
8
3
7
7
7
6
4
9
3
6
4
9
1
3
9
7
3
9
2
4
5
8
8
4
3
4
7
5
4
6
4
2
3
1
5
3
4
4
4
6
7
9
7
7
3
2
6
3
5
2
5
5
1
8
5
8
3
3
4
4
7
8
2
4
9
4
4
3
4
8
5
9
8
2
7
1
6
5
7
1
8
4
1
8
7
7
8
5
5
9
2
1
9
9
5
1
7
2
1
7
1
6
3
3
2
2
8
2
1
6
9
1
9
7
7
2
7
4
4
3
8
5
9
4
6
9
7
9
6
2
7
3
7
5
3
9
2
7
9
5
8
9
1
5
1
5
5
8
8
2
8
5
7
8
2
9
6
4
3
4
1
4
1
5
2
9
4
5
9
3
7
1
4
2
5
8
1
4
7
9
7
8
4
3
1
4
3
6
3
9
3
7
5
1
1
2
6
6
3
8
2
1
5
6
7
7
7
1
3
3
7
5
9
6
1
1
2
4
8
4
8
4
5
2
1
3
8
1
5
9
9
7
9
9
6
5
1
4
2
3
9
5
9
5
9
7
6
6
7
8
1
2
9
4
3
9
3
2
6
6
5
5
1
6
7
8
7
1
1
9
1
6
3
2
2
5
1
3
7
3
6
1
3
6
9
5
8
8
1
5
7
4
6
6
5
5
7
7
5
1
3
3
4
1
1
7
1
3
5
1
2
4
6
9
4
8
7
9
9
8
6
3
3
2
7
9
4
9
5
9
3
8
6

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure

[Anonymous Coward]

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica


Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.

Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.

Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows


Part 1 - Section 1


Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.

Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.

"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...

Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."

After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.

"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.

Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.

"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.

"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.


Part 2


*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.

"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.

His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.

A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.

His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.

When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.

The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.

He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.

As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.

However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.

He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.

And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.


Part 3


"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.

"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.

Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.

"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"

"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.

"What was that?" Gates asked.

"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.

"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.

"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.

"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"

"No, sir."

"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."

"Really?"

"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."

"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.

"Ballmer, get the gag."

"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.

Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.

"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."

Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.


Part 4


"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.

"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.

"Do it!" demanded Gates.

"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.

Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.

"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.

Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.

"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.

"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."

"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.

"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.

"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"

"What?!" cried Ballmer.

"Just do it!"

"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.

"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."

"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.

"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.

"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"

"Obey me then."

Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.

"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.

Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.

"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.

"You need to see this."

"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.

*That can soon be amended,* he thought.

"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"

Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.

"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.

"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.

Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."

The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.

"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."

Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.

"Yes, Master."

Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.

"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."

Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.

"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.

Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.

Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.

"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."

Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.


Part 5


After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.

A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.

The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.

The duffel bag was on fire.

"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.

Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.

Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.

Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.

"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."

Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.

"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."

Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!

When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.

"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.

"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.


Part 6


Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.

"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.

Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.

"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.

"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."

Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.

Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.

He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.

Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.

*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*

"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"

He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.

Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.

Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.

They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.

"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."

Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.

Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.

"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.

"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.

"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.

"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."

Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.


Continued in Section 2

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure

[Anonymous Coward]

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica


Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.

Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.

Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows


Part 1 - Section 1


Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.

Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.

"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...

Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."

After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.

"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.

Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.

"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.

"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.


Part 2


*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.

"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.

His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.

A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.

His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.

When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.

The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.

He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.

As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.

However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.

He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.

And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.


Part 3


"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.

"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.

Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.

"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"

"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.

"What was that?" Gates asked.

"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.

"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.

"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.

"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"

"No, sir."

"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."

"Really?"

"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."

"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.

"Ballmer, get the gag."

"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.

Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.

"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."

Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.


Part 4


"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.

"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.

"Do it!" demanded Gates.

"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.

Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.

"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.

Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.

"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.

"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."

"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.

"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.

"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"

"What?!" cried Ballmer.

"Just do it!"

"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.

"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."

"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.

"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.

"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"

"Obey me then."

Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.

"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.

Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.

"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.

"You need to see this."

"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.

*That can soon be amended,* he thought.

"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"

Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.

"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.

"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.

Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."

The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.

"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."

Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.

"Yes, Master."

Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.

"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."

Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.

"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.

Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.

Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.

"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."

Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.


Part 5


After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.

A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.

The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.

The duffel bag was on fire.

"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.

Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.

Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.

Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.

"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."

Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.

"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."

Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!

When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.

"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.

"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.


Part 6


Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.

"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.

Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.

"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.

"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."

Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.

Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.

He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.

Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.

*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*

"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"

He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.

Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.

Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.

They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.

"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."

Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.

Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.

"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.

"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.

"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.

"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."

Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.


Continued in Section 2

HELP ME SPREAD THE WORD!

[Anonymous Coward]

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica


Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.

Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.

Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows


Part 1 - Section 1


Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.

Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.

"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...

Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."

After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.

"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.

Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.

"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.

"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.


Part 2


*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.

"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.

His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.

A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.

His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.

When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.

The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.

He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.

As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.

However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.

He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.

And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.


Part 3


"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.

"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.

Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.

"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"

"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.

"What was that?" Gates asked.

"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.

"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.

"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.

"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"

"No, sir."

"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."

"Really?"

"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."

"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.

"Ballmer, get the gag."

"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.

Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.

"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."

Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.


Part 4


"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.

"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.

"Do it!" demanded Gates.

"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.

Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.

"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.

Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.

"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.

"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."

"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.

"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.

"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"

"What?!" cried Ballmer.

"Just do it!"

"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.

"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."

"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.

"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.

"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"

"Obey me then."

Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.

"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.

Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.

"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.

"You need to see this."

"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.

*That can soon be amended,* he thought.

"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"

Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.

"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.

"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.

Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."

The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.

"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."

Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.

"Yes, Master."

Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.

"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."

Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.

"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.

Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.

Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.

"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."

Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.


Part 5


After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.

A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.

The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.

The duffel bag was on fire.

"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.

Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.

Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.

Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.

"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."

Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.

"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."

Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!

When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.

"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.

"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.


Part 6


Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.

"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.

Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.

"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.

"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."

Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.

Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.

He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.

Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.

*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*

"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"

He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.

Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.

Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.

They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.

"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."

Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.

Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.

"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.

"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.

"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.

"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."

Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.


Continued in Section 2

Is it just me, but ...

[Big Dogs Cock]

The story seems to be about a programming language which doesn't exist, created around a race of aliens who don't exist. The whole thing exists only in the mind of this guy. I would speculate on this person's sexual history (or lack of) but then that would be offtopic or a troll - which this comment is not.

Somebody had to say it.

HELP ME SPREAD THE WORD!

[Anonymous Coward]

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica


Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.

Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.

Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows


Part 1 - Section 1


Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.

Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.

"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...

Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."

After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.

"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.

Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.

"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.

"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.


Part 2


*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.

"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.

His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.

A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.

His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.

When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.

The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.

He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.

As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.

However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.

He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.

And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.


Part 3


"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.

"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.

Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.

"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"

"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.

"What was that?" Gates asked.

"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.

"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.

"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.

"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"

"No, sir."

"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."

"Really?"

"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."

"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.

"Ballmer, get the gag."

"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.

Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.

"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."

Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.


Part 4


"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.

"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.

"Do it!" demanded Gates.

"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.

Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.

"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.

Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.

"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.

"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."

"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.

"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.

"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"

"What?!" cried Ballmer.

"Just do it!"

"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.

"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."

"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.

"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.

"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"

"Obey me then."

Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.

"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.

Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.

"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.

"You need to see this."

"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.

*That can soon be amended,* he thought.

"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"

Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.

"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.

"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.

Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."

The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.

"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."

Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.

"Yes, Master."

Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.

"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."

Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.

"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.

Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.

Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.

"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."

Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.


Part 5


After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.

A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.

The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.

The duffel bag was on fire.

"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.

Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.

Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.

Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.

"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."

Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.

"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."

Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!

When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.

"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.

"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.


Part 6


Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.

"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.

Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.

"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.

"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."

Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.

Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.

He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.

Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.

*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*

"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"

He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.

Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.

Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.

They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.

"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."

Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.

Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.

"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.

"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.

"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.

"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."

Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.


Continued in Section 2

METHINKS THIS IS BAD TIME TO BE POSTING THIS.....

[Anonymous Coward]

Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica


Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.

Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.

Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows


Part 1 - Section 1


Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.

Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.

"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...

Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."

After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.

"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.

Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.

"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.

"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.


Part 2


*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.

"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.

His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.

A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.

His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.

When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.

The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.

He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.

As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.

However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.

He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.

And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.


Part 3


"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.

"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.

Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.

"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"

"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.

"What was that?" Gates asked.

"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.

"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.

"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.

"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"

"No, sir."

"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."

"Really?"

"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."

"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.

"Ballmer, get the gag."

"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.

Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.

"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."

Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.


Part 4


"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.

"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.

"Do it!" demanded Gates.

"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.

Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.

"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.

Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.

"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.

"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."

"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.

"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.

"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"

"What?!" cried Ballmer.

"Just do it!"

"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.

"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."

"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.

"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.

"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"

"Obey me then."

Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.

"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.

Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.

"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.

"Gates?"

"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.

"You need to see this."

"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.

*That can soon be amended,* he thought.

"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"

Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.

"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.

"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.

Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."

The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.

"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."

Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.

"Yes, Master."

Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.

"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."

Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.

"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.

Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.

Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.

"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."

Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.


Part 5


After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.

A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.

The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.

The duffel bag was on fire.

"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.

Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.

Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.

Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.

"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."

Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.

"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."

Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!

When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.

"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.

"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.


Part 6


Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.

"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.

Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.

"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.

"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."

Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.

Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.

He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.

Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.

*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*

"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"

He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.

Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.

Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.

They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.

"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."

Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.

Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.

"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.

"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.

"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.

"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."

Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.


Continued in Section 2

Re:Seriously off topic

[MetaTroll]

Actually... I've been told that the following comment is fairly annoying.
I'd like to submit it for your consideration.

Sites just as bad as Slashdot Unfortunately, Slashdot is not an isolated phenomenon; there are many sites out there that, in attempting to be alternatives to Slashdot, have become mere imitators, as bad as (or even worse than) the original. I'm still trying to figure out what factors lead a site down that path (a population of vocal libertarians appears to be a major factor) Adequacy.org Purporting to be "news for grown-ups", this site's banner calls it "the most controversial site on the web". In fact, this purely a troll site, started by ex-Slashdot and ex-Kuro5hin trolls who wanted more time and space to scream at each other like idiots (and draw people into screaming like idiots at them). I came across this site as a referrer in my weblogs; apparently there's a fanatical Microsoft devotee who links to this page religiously as a rejoinder to Linux advocates. I wonder if he's got any clue that I use Linux (and other Unix flavors) almost exclusively whenever I need to get work done The University of Washington lives in Microsoft's backyard, and our computer science department has strong ties to Microsoft Research. Yet we run most of our important systems (this web server, for example) on Unix. Let me be quite clear: I do not hate Slashdot because I hate Linux. I hate Slashdot because I hate inanity. Adequacy.org manages the remarkable feat of beating Slashdot's record on that count. Alternatives to Slashdot You may be wondering, "Where will I get the links and news that I've been getting from Slashdot?" I'll admit that Slashdot does post some nice links once in a while---however poorly edited and poorly moderated the site as a whole is. However, I've found that for all useful content on Slashdot, there exists another source that will point me to it. Reading other sites decreases your need for a Slashdot fix, and also makes the quality deficit at Slashdot all the more obvious. Here are my suggestions: (Note: the following list is a work in progress. For example, the Register used to be on this list; now, after further investigation, I've moved it to the "just as bad" list.) Science/Technology news This depends on what kind of news you're interested in, of course. Here's a sampling of sites that will give you more targeted, more carefully selected news: Ars Technica An amateur (in the best sense of the word) PC user news site. The editors have a broad grasp of technical issues that is rare to find in an enthusiast site; as a result, their takes on tech tend to be uncannily on the money. bottomquark When Quit Slashdot! got posted to memepool, somebody (whose name I omit, to protect him from Slashdot groupthink flames) suggested bottomquark for science news. A brief skim suggests that bottomquark provides decent links for lay science enthusiasts, with no screaming 14-year-old boys. Science Now Daily news edited by the people who bring you Science, the premier all-sciences academic journal. Requires a (non-free) subscription, but your institution may already have one. Wired News Wired has its own annoying preoccupations, such as its obsession with tech stocks and Napster, but it tends to get the stories off the wires promptly and give a more clueful interpretation than, say, CNN. On the other hand, you should definitely not trust Wired News's reportage of political issues. The entire Wired organization is deeply steeped in libertarian groupthink and feels no qualms about distorting stories and quotes to advance their right-wing agenda. Caveat lector. NewsForge All open source news, all the time. http://bbspot.com/toys/slashtitle/index.html Yes, even "Slashdot" is better than Slashdot. Sites just as bad as Slashdot Unfortunately, Slashdot is not an isolated phenomenon; there are many sites out there that, in attempting to be alternatives to Slashdot, have become mere imitators, as bad as (or even worse than) the original. I'm still trying to figure out what factors lead a site down that path (a population of vocal libertarians appears to be a major factor) Adequacy.org Purporting to be "news for grown-ups", this site's banner calls it "the most controversial site on the web". In fact, this purely a troll site, started by ex-Slashdot and ex-Kuro5hin trolls who wanted more time and space to scream at each other like idiots (and draw people into screaming like idiots at them). I came across this site as a referrer in my weblogs; apparently there's a fanatical Microsoft devotee who links to this page religiously as a rejoinder to Linux advocates. I wonder if he's got any clue that I use Linux (and other Unix flavors) almost exclusively whenever I need to get work done The University of Washington lives in Microsoft's backyard, and our computer science department has strong ties to Microsoft Research. Yet we run most of our important systems (this web server, for example) on Unix. Let me be quite clear: I do not hate Slashdot because I hate Linux. I hate Slashdot because I hate inanity. Adequacy.org manages the remarkable feat of beating Slashdot's record on that count. Alternatives to Slashdot You may be wondering, "Where will I get the links and news that I've been getting from Slashdot?" I'll admit that Slashdot does post some nice links once in a while---however poorly edited and poorly moderated the site as a whole is. However, I've found that for all useful content on Slashdot, there exists another source that will point me to it. Reading other sites decreases your need for a Slashdot fix, and also makes the quality deficit at Slashdot all the more obvious. Here are my suggestions: (Note: the following list is a work in progress. For example, the Register used to be on this list; now, after further investigation, I've moved it to the "just as bad" list.) Science/Technology news This depends on what kind of news you're interested in, of course. Here's a sampling of sites that will give you more targeted, more carefully selected news: Ars Technica An amateur (in the best sense of the word) PC user news site. The editors have a broad grasp of technical issues that is rare to find in an enthusiast site; as a result, their takes on tech tend to be uncannily on the money. bottomquark When Quit Slashdot! got posted to memepool, somebody (whose name I omit, to protect him from Slashdot groupthink flames) suggested bottomquark for science news. A brief skim suggests that bottomquark provides decent links for lay science enthusiasts, with no screaming 14-year-old boys. Science Now Daily news edited by the people who bring you Science, the premier all-sciences academic journal. Requires a (non-free) subscription, but your institution may already have one. Wired News Wired has its own annoying preoccupations, such as its obsession with tech stocks and Napster, but it tends to get the stories off the wires promptly and give a more clueful interpretation than, say, CNN. On the other hand, you should definitely not trust Wired News's reportage of political issues. The entire Wired organization is deeply steeped in libertarian groupthink and feels no qualms about distorting stories and quotes to advance their right-wing agenda. Caveat lector. NewsForge All open source news, all the time. http://bbspot.com/toys/slashtitle/index.html Yes, even "Slashdot" is better than Slashdot.

What the FUCK does that mean?

[Anonymous Coward]

You unix nerds are so god damn lame, and you expect everyone else to know what the fuck you're talking about.

GET A FUCKING LIFE.

Argh

[Anonymous Coward]

Geocities suck a goats arse :-(

I wonder why people don't give up on them