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A Warrior's Programming Language
BlackNova writes "Var'aq is "a speculative glance at what a programming language on a Klingon computer system would look like." Make sure to read the Preliminary Specification and the Proposed Extensions."
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and i don't know if i'll be able to post this in time to be first. that's fine
_________________
EBAY SAFETY TIPZ!
a language that can be unleashed rather than released , leaving a bloody trail of project mangers and sales people in it's wake..
perl -MIO::Socket -e 'IO::Socket::INET-new(PeerAddr="some.windoze.box:1
If you're into esoteric languages, the reference page is the Cat's Eyes page.
cat > prog.tgz
Yesterday was the time to do it right. Are we having a REVOLUTION yet?
This page is sort of a speculative glance at what a programming language on a Klingon computer system would look like. The language itself is named var'aq, which happens to be meaningless in standard Klingon but sounds like it might be named after some famous Klingon computer scientist or mathematician. How the hell does this guy know that there isn't a famous Klingon computer scientist or mathematician? I'd like to see some credentials here, buddy! "Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a programmer!" Suffice to say, this guy is a bigger geek than I could ever hope to be.
NerfOnline - Because Nerf Guns aren't just for kids -
Seperate your fucking comment from your fucking sig you short prick. It's so fucking annoying. At least 1 in 3 people do this so STOP IT DOWN. Use a damn piece of code like this:
<div>
MY SIG
</div>
Post links to the most disgusting pictures you can find as replies to this post!!! Thanks in advance!!
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1 [goatse.cx]
google's cache of the site
you're welcome
---
I post links to stuff here
Bah, and here they go again with their "excess data transferred".
=-kiOwA-> EOF
<grumble>
I suppose it would be possible for editors to realise geocities sites don't go well on the front page
</grumble>
Real Stupid.
(dwim - do what I mean)
Yesterday was the time to do it right. Are we having a REVOLUTION yet?
When I saw this two or three weeks ago at first I was kind of excited about it... the last link I followed implied that it was a finished language. I thought that was hysterical, a programming language written in Klingon! How nerdy can you get.
But it's not. I found it rather dull, it's just a little mini-essay about what such a programming language might be like, and what it might be called. I found the whole thing very thin at the time. Of course, the guy might have done some work on it since I last saw it, I haven't followed the link yet.
--
RumorsDaily
Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
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Perl Mongers Perl Magazine | Login/Create an Account | Top | 56 comments | Search Discussion
Threshold:
The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
Re:PLP! (Score:-1)
by Klerck on Monday February 04, @01:54AM (#2949316)
(User #213193 Info | http://www.klerck.org/ | Last Journal: Saturday January 05, @03:28AM)
That was pathetic.
Don't forget to add me [slashdot.org] to your foes list! Fags!
Back by unpopular demand, more random number crapflooding!
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Here's what part of the page I could get before Geoshitties killed it...
o C: www.geocities.com/connorbd/varaq/+&hl=en
-------
I enjoy playing with "what-ifs" and that sort of thing. I've written a few fanfics for Star Trek and Babylon 5, and I've got my own grand scifi plan perking through my head (though it won't see the light of day for a long time to come). I've created a couple of languages a la Tolkien and I've run a few role-playing game campaigns. The idea of creating a culture from scratch is utterly fascinating to me, and that is where Var'aq came from.
This page is sort of a speculative glance at what a programming language on a Klingon computer system would look like. The language itself is named var'aq, which happens to be meaningless in standard Klingon but sounds like it might be named after some famous Klingon computer scientist or mathematician. It's really something of a Klingon Basic, a simple, loosely-typed programming language designed mostly just to be used for programming things like command displays and high-level control systems. In its eventual final incarnation, we're looking at concurrency, advanced mathematics, and even native support for distributed programs (try finding that in the C++ standard library).
This page is a bit more than that, though. In it I try to imagine what Klingon hacker culture is like based on what's known about Klingon culture in general. For example, it's a man's world on Qo'noS, Chancellor Azetbur's history-making tenure notwithstanding. Most men are warriors at heart, seemingly taking little heed of home life or those things that do not contribute to honor (why do you think Klingon sex is so rough? Klingon women get so little...). One assumes a rough-and-ready, make-do attitude that assumes that bigger-better-faster is at best a waste of time. A Klingon warrior might love to play Quake once in a while (but wouldn't admit it due to a lack of real blood), but would most likely see the 1GHz Athlon in the box being devoted to realtime, near-photorealistic slamming of texture-mapped polygons to be a dishonorable waste of computer resources. Far better, when you need power, to string a bunch of processors together Beowulf-style, yes?
Var'aq and its accompanying information aren't quite here yet, but until they are you're welcome to send whatever you think might be of interest to this page.
-------
There is a Google cache here:
http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:62oDEag2fl
NerfOnline - Because Nerf Guns aren't just for kids -
Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
trolling has just taken on a whole new meaning. maybee the lameness filter needs updating
And after only 18 comments..... linking to a Geocities site from Slashdot is a bit stupid....
Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
The premise underlying this project is interesting: will different cultures create different programming languages? It's a popular idea that natural language and culture are very much intertwined. (Think 20 eskimo words for snow here.) However, a natural language is used to actually do things that make up culture. One wonders if the same goes for a programming language: the language will probably not as much influence a culture as the other way around.
Another way to look at a language is as an expression of certain believes. This seems to fit the bill better. Will, for instance, a programmer with anarchistical tendencies prefer a language like Perl?
Being well balanced is overrated. -- John Carmack
Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
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Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
I guess the people at Pepsi actually read all those letters I sent them.
Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
Like Perl wasn't confusing enough....
Slashdot is Dying.
The story seems to be about a programming language which doesn't exist, created around a race of aliens who don't exist. The whole thing exists only in the mind of this guy. I would speculate on this person's sexual history (or lack of) but then that would be offtopic or a troll - which this comment is not.
Somebody had to say it.
"Under the iron bridge, we fist" - The Smiths, Still Ill
I also like Unlambda, but Brainf*** is my language of choice.
~shiny
WILL HACK FOR $$$
This is an interesting question. What kind of programming languages will a klingon develop. But I think that I want to examine the character of a klingon programmer (from the internet, original attribution lost):
Klingon Programmer
Top 20 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer:
1. Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.
2. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
3. This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
4. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
5. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
6. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
8. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are good for building character in the user.
9. I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.
10. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
11. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
12. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
13. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
14. Our competitors are without honor!
15. Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.
16. Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi.
17. Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.
18. Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
19. My program has just dumped Stova Core!
20. Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
-- Never make a general statement.
you are talking about :
"What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes,' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake."
kapla"
Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
Top 20 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer:
1. Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.
2. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
3. This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
4. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
5. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
6. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
8. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are good for building character in the user.
9. I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.
10. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
11. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
12. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
13. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
14. Our competitors are without honor!
15. Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.
16. Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi.
17. Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.
18. Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
19. My program has just dumped Stova Core!
20. Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
This is too geek for geeks! It's amazing what men who can't get laid end up doing with their time!
has been added to the geek hierarchy. I think this is a new obsession that can be looked down upon by almost every other nerd, no matter how screwed up their obsession is. This has to rank right up there with the "conlang" guy I know who invented a language that is a mix of maltese and japanese, as it would be spoken by dinosaurs with large sinus cavities.
Every time I fear I may be in danger of becoming too geeky, someone somewhere demonstrates that I have absolutely nothing to worry about ;-)
Cheers,
Tim
It's official. Most of you are morons.
when I first stumbled on it a year or so ago, I can only assume you didn't actually read very far, and/or were reading in the wrong place.
Chu vi parolas Vikipedion?
A troll takes what?
A couple of seconds of posting some crap CTRL+C, CTRL+V - done.
Yet you wate your life (if you have any) posting informative posts, which what??
So much for a life luser.
"Sorry, this site is temporarily unavailable!
The web site you are trying to access has exceeded its allocated data transfer. Visit our help area for more information."
Those people at geocities are actually Klingons !!!
Maybe Slashdot should have a system that automatically mirrors pages before a link is submitted in a story.
Rob Malda's Wild "Open Sauce" Geek Adventure by Metrollica
Summary:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda finds out just how interesting an "open sauce" Linux geek's life can really be.
Warning:
Contains sex between members of the same sex. If this subject matter offends you whatsoever DO NOT continue reading.
Contains information of Rob Malda and other geek's personal life which may or may not be true.
Cast of Characters:
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda [CmdrShithead] - Creator of the popular Microsoft bashing technology website Slashdot
Jon "Rat Bastard" Katz - Rat bastard who just won't quit his job at Slashdot
Michael Sims - Linux homo-geek
Timothy Lord - Linux homo-geek
Linus Torvalds [Linux Toreballs] - Creator and hacker of the Linux kernel
Richard Stallman [Dirty Bearded GNU Hippie] - Pioneer of the open source movement and GNU project
Steve Ballmer - Chief Executive of Microsoft
Bill Gates - Chairman of Microsoft
Jamie McCarthy - Linux homo-geek
Alan Cox [Anal Cocks] - Linux kernel hacker
Jeff "Hemos" Bates [Homos] - Linux homo-geek
Robin "Roblimo" Miller [Roblowme] - Linux homo-geek
Jonathan "CowboyNeal" Pater [CoiboiKneel] - Linux homo-geek
Mrs. Malda - Very affectionate mother of Rob and user of Windows
Part 1 - Section 1
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda sat back in his chair gently massaging his cock late on a Friday night. He was flipping through the latest issue of the Geek House porn catalog, contemplating which video he was going to buy next. The jerk-off factor of each video decreased after a few weeks, so he had to continually update his collection.
Malda often spent late night hours at his Slashdot office like this. The rest of the Slashdot crew always thought he was working late improving Slashdot; he was notoriously slow in finishing the next Slashcode revision. Or doing work on the latest Slashdot story submission. The Slashdot crew thought correctly that Malda had no personal life.
"Hmmm, should I get 'Killer Cumshots' or 'Ass Eating Insanity'? Or maybe I...Ooohhh..." moaned Malda when he turned the page to the all-boys section; his cock throbbing with lust. "OK, how about 'Hung Uncut Hunks', 'Babes with Balls', and 'Chix with Dix', you little freak," he said to his cock as he started to pump it a little harder. He reached for the lube in his bottom drawer, slathering his hand and cock with the slippery stuff. He closely examined each small picture on the page. He especially liked the really muscular young guy in 'Boot Camp Boys'. Oh, to run his hands up and down that smooth, muscular stomach as he knelt in front of him, pulling that huge cock into his mouth...
Malda arched his back and groaned as he came, shooting cum all over his desk and keyboard. He slumped back down into the chair as his breathing slowed to normal. "I'm definitely going to order 'Hung Uncut Hunks' and 'Boot Camp Boys'."
After a few minutes he pushed his cock back into his pants and wiped up the lube and cum with some tissues. This had become a nightly ritual as far back as he could remember. Probably even before Jon Katz's time. Malda wondered if that old rat bastard would ever quit his job at Slashdot.
"I wonder if any of these videos star brunettes with green eyes?" Malda said thoughtfully as he flipped back through his catalog. "Or petite redheads?" He chuckled as he looked at the ad for 'Clit Licking Lezzies'.
Malda then started to daydream about Michael Sims and Timothy Lord 69'ing each other. "Not again," he groaned as he leaned back to pull his erection out of his pants. He got into a great rhythm. The subjects of his daydream morphed from two homosexual men to two other homosexual men--Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds sucking each other's cocks.
"Yeah, that's it. That's it!" he panted, imagining himself sliding deftly in between those two geek hunks. He wanted nothing more than to be on his hands and knees sucking Stallman's cock with Torvalds fucking his ass.
"Uh...uh..." whimpered Malda; he could feel the cum ready to explode out of his cock when the door to the office slammed open and heavy footsteps, belonging to 2 people, pounded on the floor. Before he could cry out or even identify the intruders a heavy, black hood was shoved over his head and he was hauled roughly to his feet.
Part 2
*Damn. What the hell was I doing with my back to the door?* Malda thought angrily, kicking himself mentally. He had swivelled his chair to face the wall to give himself more room for the urgent thrusting his raging hormones had screamed out for and now he was paying the price for his lack of self-control.
"Hey, can we talk about this?" he pleaded before an open hand to the side of his head convinced him to be silent. His silent assailants manouvered him away from his desk, positioning him in the small space between the desk and open door.
His hands were pulled behind his back and secured with soft leather cuffs. One gloved hand brushed his neck, a leathery thumb carressing his neck, finding the exact spot that caused spasms of pleasure to ripple through his body.
A heavy thump sounded to his right, followed by the rusty squeal of a zipper. He sensed someone kneeling next to him, could feel warm breath on his still exposed cock. Noises of items being removed from what he guessed was an army style duffel bag fired his imagination, setting in motion a hundred and one images from his fantasy filled brain.
His pants were unzipped and pulled down along with his 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' boxers, drawing a snicker from the two men in the room. Once he was naked from the waist down, he was startled to feel cold liquid being sprayed on his feet and legs and then his feet lifted one at a time into what felt like vinyl boots. No...more like a wet-suit, slick and body-hugging. The body suit was worked slowly upwards, with more lubricating oil applied to ease the journey.
When his legs were fully covered, more scented oil was applied liberally to his cock and balls, before they too were enveloped in a tight vinyl sheath. He felt the nozzle of the spray bottle placed gently between his buttocks, inserting a large dollop of grease inside his anus. He tried to impale himself on the intruder, to gain release form the mounting pressure in his balls, but firm hands on his hips held him still, denying him what he needed most.
The nozzle was removed and quickly replaced by a medium-sized butt plug, not big enough to hurt or tear him, but enough to stretch and fill him. Then the suit was quickly rolled up his backside, holding the plug firmly inside of him.
He had an idea who his mysterious assailants might be and since they had yet to cause him harm, he put up no resistance to their preparations. Indeed it was as if they had read his thoughts, had climbed inside one of his favourite fantasies and were recreating it for him and only him.
As the dressing continued, Malda grew very relaxed and peaceful, the oil warming against his skin, congealing to pull the body suit even tighter, until he could no longer tell where his flesh ended and the material began. His exposed flesh was massaged by the sprayer, alternating between feather-light fingertip touches and whole hand carresses, before the oil was applied and then the slick vinyl covered another inch, creeping upwards at a steady rate, like some form of living creature. He didn't even remember when they removed his shirt and tie so they could fit his arms into the tight sleeves.
However he did begin to panic when he felt the vinyl reach his throat, certain that they would continue until he was fully encased in shiny black, unable to see, to breathe, to call out. The hood was claustrophobic enough, the full mask he envisioned them using was utterly terrifying.
He must have been visisbly shaking with fear, for he was suddenly embraced from behind and in front, sandwiched between two strong, solid bodies. Two rigid erections pressing against him, soothing whispers in his ears, comforting him, letting him know that he was not in danger.
And then the hood was removed and Malda felt his erection deflate as he stared at the naked, pasty-white body of Steve Ballmer.
Part 3
"Damn," Malda muttered, not even wanting to look at who was behind him. "What are you doing here bothering me?" he whined.
"Shut up, Malda," Ballmer said as he grabbed the upper flaps of the suit to shake Malda. "Who did you expect? A certain kernel hacker? Torvalds ain't here, but Bill Gates is," he said as he nodded to Gates standing behind Malda.
Malda turned to look, and saw that Gates was completely naked already. He looked very strong, barrel-chested and stocky, like a heavyweight boxer. Gates took hold of Malda's suit to turn him around. He had waited for this moment for a couple of years now, ever since Malda created Slashdot.org, running crude editor biased stories on Microsoft.
"Malda, listen to me - and DON'T interrupt," Gates said as Malda opened his mouth to protest. "You caused Ballmer and I a lot of trouble and embarrassment these past years. And frankly, you'd been nothing but trouble the whole time you have been running Slashdot. I'm not like Torvalds - I don't put up with that kind of crap. If they give me trouble, I put them in their place immediately. Isn't that right, Steve?" Gates asked.
"Yes, sir."
"And how do I enforce discipline, Steve? How did I handle that little incident you and I had last week?"
"You fucked me, sir," Ballmer replied.
"What was that?" Gates asked.
"You fucked me like I deserved to be fucked," Ballmer said quietly, averting his eyes from Malda's inquiring gaze.
"That's right. You screw me over, or my company, and you get screwed. Literally. I've only known one person who never got punished the way he deserved. Do you know who that is, Malda?" Gates shook Malda to punctuate his remark.
"Uh, me, sir," mumbled Malda, already dreading where this was going.
"That's right. And do you know why you never felt my wrath, Malda?"
"No, sir."
"Because of that damn Linux geek culture backing you up! It seems they had plans for you - I think sex slave comes closest to explaining it. It was going to be the ultimate reward for your efforts to destroy Microsoft by making you a lovely, obedient sex slave."
"Really?"
"This is payback time. And, I figured since poor little Ballmer here suffered quite a bit from Slashdot as well, I thought he should get a little compensation too. He's turned out to be quite the tip-top chief executive - it only took a couple of ass-fucks on top of my desk to improve his performance."
"I don't think Torvalds would appreciate you treating his friends this way," said Malda in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Gates shook Malda violently. "Don't mention that man's name in my presence again! The only thing that would have made this evening turn out perfect was to have Torvalds here. You see, we had plans for him too." Gates pointed to another vinyl suit, much like Malda's, spilling out of the duffel bag.
"Ballmer, get the gag."
"Yes, sir," replied Ballmer as he picked up the second duffel bag. He pulled out a gag that had a short but thick dildo attached to it. He brought it over to Gates. Malda didn't say a word; he watched Ballmer in mute fascination.
Gates took it and was about to shove it into Malda's mouth, but he stopped.
"I've changed my mind. Steve, take off the suit." Gates grabbed Malda by what little hair he had and pushed him back onto his desk. Ballmer unzipped the suit and peeled it off of Malda. Gates held Malda's arms down once they were free of the suit. "Get the handcuffs."
Ballmer removed a pair of leather cuffs from the bag. "Cuff Malda's arms behind his back," Gates said as he flipped Malda over. Ballmer attached the cuffs. Gates grabbed Malda by his hair and dragged him off the desk until he was kneeling down, naked and still shiny from the spray.
Part 4
"Malda, it's time that you started making your apologies to Ballmer. Steve, you can lean against the desk." Gates took Malda's head and pushed it into Ballmer's crotch. "Malda, I'm only going to tell you this once. You will give Steve the best cock-sucking he has ever had, or we're going to put you back in the suit and make an example out of you to all the other open source advocates. You got that?" Gates asked, shaking Malda's head.
"Yeah, I got it," grumbled Malda. Suck Ballmer's cock! Ugh. After his great fantasies of Torvalds and Stallman, to be faced with the reality of the little pink worm in front of him - it was too disappointing.
"Do it!" demanded Gates.
"Ok, ok, don't shout," Malda said as he moved forward to get comfortable.
Malda tentatively ran his tongue up the length of Ballmer's still-soft cock. Ballmer let out a little moan and put his hand on Malda's head. His cock began to swell as Malda continued to lick up and down the shaft. Once it stood straight, Malda took the length of into his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His own cock even began to swell as he attacked Ballmer's cock more hungrily. Fully erect it wasn't half bad - he might get through this night after all. Of course Ballmer had to ruin it by talking.
"I have dreamed about this moment Malda. The thought of you on your knees in front of me, servicing me! And I'm going to have a momento of this occasion too," he said pointing to Gates who was videotaping the whole scene.
Malda tried to pull back to protest, but Ballmer grabbed his head with both hands and began to fuck his face. Malda stunned himself by getting into the rhythm as Ballmer let go of his head. Malda let go of the cock, ran his tongue down the underside, and onto and around Ballmer's balls.
"Wow, you're really getting into this, ain't you Malda? You like it? You like to suck cock?" said Ballmer as Malda returned to deep throating his cock.
"No wonder Torvalds wanted you to be with the open source Linux community," Gates said. "He didn't want to lose such a good cocksucker."
"Shut up," said Malda as he let go of the cock for a moment.
"Ooohh, I'm going to cum!" cried Ballmer as he started to jerk his hips forward.
"Malda, stop!" yelled Gates. "Steve, blow your wad on your chest and stomach!"
"What?!" cried Ballmer.
"Just do it!"
"OK!" Ballmer grabbed his cock from Malda's mouth, gave it a few quick jerks, and shot his cum all over his torso. He continued to finger the head of his cock as his breathing slowed.
"Why did you want me to do that?" Ballmer asked.
"Malda, I want you to lick Steve's chest clean."
"No!" yelled Malda, attempting to stand up. Gates grabbed his hair and shoved him back down.
"You heard me! Do it!" He shook Malda's head again.
"Stop doing that! That really hurts!"
"Obey me then."
Malda shot Gates a deadly look, then turned his attention to Ballmer. Ballmer half-sat on the desk, his chest and stomach dripping cum. Malda shuffled his way forward and started quickly licking.
"I said slowly," growled Gates from behind the video camera.
Malda slowed down, running his tongue over Ballmer's stomach. His own cock was beginning to throb as he thought about what he was doing. He lingered on Ballmer's navel, then slowly worked his way up. The final bit of cum was on the left nipple; he took a long time cleaning that area off, nibbling and licking at the nipple for a while. He couldn't believe he was doing this! And with Ballmer! When he finished, he sat back on his ankles, looking down at his own erection.
"It looks like you really liked that Malda," Gates said softly as he walked over to Malda. He wrapped his fingers in Malda's hair, pulled his head back, and began to kiss Malda. At first Malda resisted, but he soon found himself returning the kiss, running his tongue inside the Gates' mouth, savoring the flavor.
"Gates?"
"Yeah, Steve," replied Gates after slowing withdrawing from Malda's mouth.
"You need to see this."
"What is it?" Gates said as he turned around. Ballmer was pointing to to a nudist magazine that was partly obscured by the numerous skin mags on Malda's desk. Keeping his pudgy fingers firmly entwined in his captive's thick hair, Gates used his free hand to pull the magazine off the desk. It fell open to a well used page, the small amount of text partially obscured with dried cum. It was a centerfold showing a scene which immediately fired Gates's sadistic imagination and his anger that he was not the focus of the altered picture.
*That can soon be amended,* he thought.
"So, you're into all that back-to-nature crap, Malda?" Gates sneered, holding the triple-length centerfold up to reveal all its artistic glory. "Grown men dancing naked around camp-fires, chanting gibberish and banging their drums before fucking each other senseless?"
Malda's face turned red as he saw what picture Gates was referring to.
"I am a horse's ass," he muttered, hanging his head to hide his humiliation. He had doctored the picture with old archived photos he had found of Torvalds, Stallman, and himself on Google. He had pasted face shots of his two lovers to the muscular bodies of the Tarzan-like male models posing around the bonfire. They were on their knees in dutiful worship at the base of his throne, gazing up at him in utter adulation, ready and willing to cater to his every whim. *Why couldn't it be like that in reality, why was he the one who lived only to serve his masters, no matter what they required of him* Only in the late night privacy of his deserted office did he allow himself to fantasize the situation reversed, never having the courage to demand equality in the very one-sided relationship he shared with Linus and Richard.
"Did I give you permission to speak?" Gates barked, backhanding Malda across the face and sending him crashing to the floor.
"No." Malda struggled to rise to his knees, not looking at either of his captors, sending a silent plea for rescue to his lovers and his partner.
Out of the corner of one eye, Malda saw Gates raise his hand to deliver another blow and knew what he was waiting for. "No, Sir."
The blow came anyway but somehow he managed to stay upright, his vision blurred and teary.
"Call me Master, boy and maybe you won't have to warm Steve's bed tonight."
Malda looked up to see Ballmer eyeing him lustfully and he almost threw up at the prospect of being fucked by the weasel who had tried to destroy his open source advocacy group.
"Yes, Master."
Ballmer was clearly upset that Malda had chosen to obey his new Master rather than allow himself to be his sex-toy for the night. He brushed up against Gates, rubbing himself on the older man's body like a bitch-in-heat.
"But you promised he would be mine for the whole night..."
Gates swatted Ballmer aside like an annoying blowfly, focusing his attention on how they could get Malda out of the building without raising unwanted attention. He walked over to where the duffel bags lay on the carpet and upended the largest one, spilling its contents.
"Gag him, Ballmer and put him in the bag," he ordered with a malicious gleam in his dark eyes.
Before Malda could react, Ballmer shoved the dildo-gag into his mouth, securing the leather straps painfully tight. He gripped Malda under the arms and hauled him to his feet and over to the canvas coffin. A swift kick to his shins soon had him lying on his side, his lanky legs folded up so that his chin rested on his knees. He quickly secured Malda's ankles with duct tape and drew the sides of the bag up and over the captive. He was about to zip up the body-bag when inspiration struck and he shoved his smelly underwear and socks into the bag.
Gates was busy jerking himself off over Malda's 'Got Root?' ThinkGeek t-shirt when he heard an embarrassed cough. He turned to find Ballmer struggling to lift the bag off the floor. Not even trying to hide his disgust, he stormed out of the office, returning minutes later with a large wheely-bin. He laid it on the floor on its side and together they managed to cram the duffel inside and lift the bin upright. They shared a satisfied smile as they heard Malda groaning in his upside-down position.
"Come, boy. Let's take out the garbage."
Malda tried desperately to wriggle around so that he was somewhat upright and had almost succeeded when a series of violent bumps jolted his rapidly bruising body. It took a few long seconds before he realized what was happening. At 6pm all the elevators automatically shut down, leaving the stairs as the only way of moving from floor to floor. His captors were doing little to smooth the wild ride he was experiencing and Malda tried to concentrate on how he would exact his revenge when he got himself out of his present predicament.
Part 5
After what seemed like hours, his journey resumed on level ground. He could hear the muffled sounds of cleaners and other people moving around and conversing, but there was nothing he could do alert them to his dilemma.
A few minutes later and the bin came to a halt as he heard Gates address someone, but he couldn't decipher what was being said. However he heard Ballmer when the lid was lifted up and something hot landed on his upturned backside, something that quickly began to burn through the canvas of his prison.
The stench of a cigar quickly filled the confined space of the bin and then the sizzle of a lighted match caused Malda to scream with all his might.
The duffel bag was on fire.
"You idiot!" roared Gates as he ran for the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. "You damn well knew he was in there!" Ballmer was struggling to get the bin onto its side so he could pull Malda out.
Gates succeeded in putting out the fire, and he and Ballmer pulled a weakly struggling Malda out of the duffel bag.
Inside the duffel bag Malda was trying to calm himself down. He could barely breath in his hysteria because of the gag in his mouth.
Malda started struggling again as he felt hands trying to pull him out of the bag.
"Malda, stay still," an indistinct voice said. "We'll never get you out of there if you keep squirming."
Malda managed to stay still long enough to be pulled free of the duffel bag. He couldn't get his eyes to focus yet, but he felt someone release the gag. He sat gasping for air, on the edge of crying. It had finally dawned on him that he was free from the fire, and he began sobbing.
"Malda, it's ok. The fire is out," Richard Stallman said as he pulled Malda over to his chest to hug him. "You'll be fine. I'll take care of you."
Malda groaned when he heard his voice. Richard!
When Malda calmed down, he lifted his head off of Richard's chest and looked around. He saw that Gates and Ballmer had been trussed up; they were lying face down on the pavement. A pudgy, pasty white skinned figure in ThinkGeek clothing stood over them brandishing an iPaq stylus.
"Good job, Jamie McCarthy," said Stallman.
"I hope your closed source henchmen find you before some open source geeks do!" Richard Stallman called out to Gates and Ballmer as he grabbed Rob Malda passionately around the waist and ran off with him.
Part 6
Being alone now Rob fell into Stallman's strong arms, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, one of beer, nuts, and B.O. He found the other man's mouth and attacked with fury, forcing the lips apart so he could push his tongue deeply inside. He wanted to taste and feel every part of his lover he could. This seemed only like a dream to Malda, because only in his dreams did Richard let him take control, to be the hunter and not the prey. His tongue worked its way deep down Richard's throat until they were both gagging and had to break apart.
"Come, Rob. Let's get you home." Richard said and grabbed Malda's arm and led him over to the biggest motor-cycle Rob had ever seen. A shiny silver and chrome Harley Davidson stood in the moonlight, it's powerful engine purring like a lion.
Richard took a long leather coat out of one of the saddle-bags and put it on, leaving Rob shivering in the cool night air. He climbed onto the seat, his muscular legs straddling the machine and opened his coat in invitation to Malda.
"Well, aren't you going to move forward, Richard?" He asked.
"No. This is your seat right here, my little Robling." Richard patted the tiny area of seat in front of him. His cock was rock hard and at attention just waiting for Rob. "My little 'Freddy' is cold. It's your job to keep him warm."
Malda considered his options, decided he didn't have any and climbed onto the bike, lowering himself onto Richard's huge cock, silently thanking Gates and Ballmer that he was lubricated and stretched. When Richard started the bike, the vibrating engine against his cock and balls almost sent him over the edge.
Stallman saw how close his pet was to releasing his seed over the machine he had spent all afternoon washing and polishing and pulled a small metal ring from one of his pockets. He slipped it over his lover's cock, smiling at the groan of frustration that the action caused.
He pulled the coat around both of them encasing them in its fur lined warmth and steered the bike out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
Malda felt as if he was trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. Richard's cock stretching and filling his anus was ecstasy, sending ever greater waves of sweet pleasure surging through his body, warming him up from the inside out, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head.
The road they were on was smooth and well maintained except for the occasional pot-hole or gravel patch. Richard did nothing to avoid these hazards. Instead he deliberately rode over them which would momentarily lift Rob up a fraction only to slam him down on the massive cock with enough force to cause him to cry out and arch his back against Richard's chest, driving them both crazy with lust and desire.
Rob had to use both hands just to hold onto Richard's legs during the wild ride. He felt his lover snuggle up behind him, his gloved hands roaming his back and neck, sliding around to pinch sensitive nipples which soon hardened into little pebbles.
*If Richard's hands are doing what my brain tells me they are, then who the hell is steering this thing?*
"OH SHIT!!!!!!!"
He realized the answer and grabbed the handle bars just before they came to a tight left curve that was at the top of a long, steep cliff. Having never ridden a motorbike he almost oversteered which would sent them crashing to their deaths down a deep narrow canyon. Luckily no vehicles were coming towards them so he had the whole two lanes to correct his mistake.
Richard gave no sign of realizing how close they had come to death, just hugging his lover tighter and pressing passionate kisses into Rob's neck. The adrenaline rush was amazing, the fear and desire that he could smell flowing of Rob only heightened his own senses and he longed to ravage his co-rider more than just the kisses and caresses he was bestowing.
Confident that Rob had control of the bike, Richard placed his hands on Rob's hips and drew him upwards so that the cold wind rushing by bathed most of Freddy. To his credit, Rob didn't take his eyes of the road, allowing Richard to move him up and down, off and onto his cock with ever increasing force, ramming and slamming his arse onto his cock, over and over until both men were sweating profusely and Rob was shaking with the incredible need for release. Richard had come a couple of times, depositing his seed deep inside Rob, feeling it coat his cock and drip out of his lover's rectum to pool in the coat. He scooped some up with one hand and after removing the cock ring, smothered his lover's cock and balls.
They were on a long, flat stretch of road with no cars visible for as far as the eye could see. Tall ancient trees grew along both sides of the highway. Deer and rabbits appeared at the side of the road, staring into the bike's powerful headlight before scampering back into the forest.
"Take my glove off, love, so I can make you feel real good."
Rob gripped the soft leather in his teeth and pulled, revealing Richard's long slim fingers. He spat the glove out of his mouth and took two fingers into his mouth suckling and nibbling and licking, like a babe at its mother's breast.
Just the thought of Richard's hands on his genitals was almost enough to push him over the edge, but the reality was a thousand times better than any of his fantasies. The hand was withdrawn and he felt its wet warmth envelop his balls, first one and then the other. His cock was totally ignored, letting him know that this was not going to be a quick jerk session. Instead it was turning out to be a infuriatingly slow seduction, designed to drive him crazy. He wanted to direct Richard's touches where he needed the most relief but Richard squeezed one ball savagely hard when he took a hand of the handle bar.
"Uh uh, Rob. Just sit back and enjoy the ride." He felt Richard's warm breath in his ear, his moist tongue flicking out to suck the lobe.
"Please, Richard. I can't take this much longer." Malda pleaded, though he knew it would not have any effect on Richard's plans.
"C'mon. It's only been half an hour. You've lasted much longer. You can last all night and tomorrow if that's what I want." Richard placed his thumb on the tip of Rob's cock, tracing tiny circles around the head, knowing it would drive his lover crazy.
"But I've been like this for hours with Gates and Ballmer."
Rob was sobbing in frustration now, tears streaming down his face and obscuring his vision. He was certain that he would never ejaculate again, that he would be kept trapped in this hell for the rest of his life. He didn't see the oil slick up ahead, and even if he had, he lacked the knowledge of how to control the huge machine. As soon as the front tire hit the slick, the bike slid sideways, sending them into a terrifying spin, one that took them careening towards the edge of the cliff. He felt Richard try to regain control, but it was too late, and then men and machine, leather and metal, were airborne.
Continued in Section 2
You can probably find something like this on the page if you bother to go looking:
"It turns out Klingons have no function to save().
So in adapting the language we simply used:
stop(kill())
which imparts almost the same meaning but remains true to the fundamentals of the beautiful nature of the language which is Klingon. Bj'nrak!!!"
fuckwits.
Never trust any source of programming information that has a high likelihood of close proximity to badly photoshopped vulcan porn.
Just a warning...
...It'll be hard to explain to your boss.
:)
Sure, I could make the well-used comment that as if learning Klingon wasn't quite geeky enough...
But I won't. Instead, I will remind people that those who laugh at, say, a Klingon computer language, and then, go back to work on making Linux work on their Atari 2600, ought to reconsider their opinion.
"What's so random about flipping a coin? Ever heard of the I Ching?"
I'm much more interested in knowing what Klingon computer hardware is like. A Klingon programming language that runs only on Terran computers doesn't make much sense to me.
Lameness filter encountered. Post aborted! Reason: Please use fewer 'junk' characters.
Strange... Maybe I'll send an Unlambda example at least:
It calculates and prints the Fibonacci numbers as lines of asterisks.It's quite challanging to parse that code, once you know the syntax.
~shiny
WILL HACK FOR $$$
Isn't it rather pointless for slashdot to post a geocities link?
They have one of the few "slashdot effect defense systems" that actually works. It goes something like this:
The web site you are trying to access has exceeded its allocated data transfer.
And puhleeese don't try to tell me a link to the Google cache is an acceptable mirror. It's not. Maybe if it altered all of the links to *also* point to the google cache it would amost be acceptable. I have a feeling the nice google people don't do that for exactly that reason -- they don't wanna be a free mirror whore.
"News for Nerds"? Any "nerd" who still uses geocities....
"Stuff that Matters"? If it's hosted on geocities, it probably doesn't matter. If it mattered, it would be hosted somewhere where everybody could see it on a consistent basis!
...and they say *bsd is dead... Just checkout the S/N ratio on this article
Well, the operating system would be called 'Klingux' and would incorporate pre-emptive strike multi-tasking.
The hardware would obviously be a box with lots of blinking lights on it.
Please visit the cached copy of the site at:o C: www.geocities.com/connorbd/varaq/+var%27aq&hl=sv
http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:62oDEag2fl
Visit this link. It's a cached copy of the site.
Geocities doesn't support multiple downloads,
therefore I propose that everyone who wants to
read the links picks a time (GMT) with 5-minute intervals when they want to use the links and puts it in a reply to this post to avoid that multiple slashdot users try to access geocites at once.
I pick 15.00.
they have 'arguments'
-- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
from the Knightbrd sigfile fortunefile
The Federation would have had these guys for lunch in a heartbeat.
Dog is my co-pilot.
"Let's create a website on which people can create their homepages and when people come to visit those homepages, we put OUR ads on them and make money that way"
"The web site you are trying to access has exceeded its allocated data transfer."
Anyone else missing something here? Or is it just me?
That thanks to Okuda's refusal to define or use a consistent mapping between Klingon characters and sounds, which makes no sense whatsoever, we're stuck with piqaD for I/O.
16. Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi. I can only begin to imagine what a Ferengi program would be like:
Note that any Ferengi Computer would feature price negotiated scheduling and routing.
Any other suggestions?
See my journal, I write things there
* I heard something about a "Klingon Forth". Is this it? And why isn't it called loSDIch?
Yes, in a way. It's a stack-based RPN language like Forth or PostScript; the reason for this has nothing to do with an original desire to emulate one of those languages, but simply the unusual object-verb-subject syntax of Klingon. This sort of dictated the required form of the language right up front, ruling out a more traditional ALGOL-like syntax (based on English). Stack-based languages are actually easier to parse anyway, especially in Perl: just chomp and process. It is also an impure functional language in the same vein as Lisp or ML; it supports local variables, but it is really intended to do everything off the stack.
As for calling it loSDIch (Klingon for fourth), that would be an obvious joke title to anyone who actually spoke Klingon; this being at least a semi-serious exercise in artificial culture development, such a title would be noticeably silly at best. var'aq is actually completely meaningless, though it suggests identification with a famous Klingon mathematician or computer scientist in sort of the same way as Pascal recalls Blaise Pascal or Ada recalls Ada Lovelace. In any case, the name var'aq came before the form of the language. (In any case, var'aq is based more directly on PostScript anyway. But they're all part of the same family.)
[...]
In terms of genetics, var'aq is the bastard child of a back-room tryst between PostScript and Lisp after a Star Trek convention.
[...]
* Why doesn't this construct translate to its PostScript/Forth equivalent?
The question is one of verisimilitude. The likelihood of a Klingon concept being an exact translation of its English equivalent isn't always good. Consequently, pure translation of an Earth language might make for a cute joke, but it would sacrifice plausibility. A prime example is the qaw/qawHa' instructions, which perform the same function as PostScript's mark/cleartomark instructions but literally translate to remember/forget; the idea is that the metaphor chosen in Klingon might more reflect the purpose of marking the stack than the actual act. Incidentally, It's quite true that many of the idioms chosen for var'aq are anything but obvious. This is the reason why; though mathematics is considered universal, it's not too likely that everything would be described in the same way. (That said, I did cheat in a few places; for example, the word for logarithm is a direct translation from the Greek logarithmos, meaning roughly "logic-number".)
For a rather thorough and creative discussion on the issues involved in translation, you might wish to look at Le ton beau de Marot by Douglas Hofstadter (the author of the hacker classic Goedel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid), an intricate and well-written look at the pitfalls of translation between languages.
"It is a greater offense to steal men's labor, than their clothes"
Now, if there is a recipe doing de-css in the program language 'Chef'...
... would cooking and serving a meal based on that recipe be illegal?
I think it would be hilarious to refer to a meal as "a collection of food carrying an illegal decryption algoritm"...
Open Materials Database
consider yourself winner of the complete loser award for 2002 - yes its only Feb. but you still have outdone anyone for the rest of the year.
1. normal users hate you because you post shit
2. trolls hate you because you post shit with lots of line feeds [ooohhh - you must be a great coder to manage that], and we cant read the (sometimes) funny crap posted at -1.
So... please 'go away'.
while (self.hasNoLife()) self.code(languages.USELESS);
Any OS they would want would be strictly limited in scope like an I/O executive a file system and a simple CLI.
Any system would run one application only, and extremely well. The GUI would be part of the application and touch screens whould be used for inputs. Mice would be banned due to being thrown across the room and destroyed by bad-tempered users.
Think of the way that our Military use/abuse computers in the field. I guess that is the way Klingons would want to work.
See my journal, I write things there
Looks like the dreaded curse of /. has struck again. Chalk that site up as another victim.
--- Users are like bacteria -> Each one causing a thousand tiny crises until the host finally gives up and dies.
If only all of geocities could be /.'ed at once...
before Geoshitties killed it..
/. DOS was made. They shut the page down to prevent a succesful attack.
Geocities did not kill it. They cowarldy Retreated when a
REAL MEN (tm) would have died defending the site. (as many did before)
It is a bit pointless by Geocities to shut down the page due to "exceeded data transfer quota" since the "temporarily unavailable" page in this case is three times bigger...
1. Wake up, massage lobes.
2. ????
3. Profit!!!
I didn't look deeply into the language but if Klingons are going to use design patterns when developing code, it must be these. (Detonator, Commando, Visitor from Hell and the like).
You unix nerds are so god damn lame, and you expect everyone else to know what the fuck you're talking about.
GET A FUCKING LIFE.
When I was in my freshmen year, a colleague emailed me a set of precompiler defines that would turn C++ code into ebonics C.
I have searched in vain for this on the net... that was in '95. Does anyone have information on ebonics C?
:)
The Klingons actually do have a source of technicians and scientists. This is the female of the species. Smaller and weaker than her male counterpart, she is however often more intelligent, and almost always better educated (by our standards.) Roles without sufficient honour for the men, scientific and technical positions in particular, are reserved for them. The advances of Klingon women, supplemented by the technological gains achieved by conquering more advanced, but less canny and battleworthy races, is responsible for their ability to compete.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Friends don't let friends enable ecmascript.
If you had HALF A FUCKING CLUE you'd KNOW what that is about. Why not LEARN SOMETHING instead of whinging about someone USING BIG WORDS and SHOUTING about it.
Pick up a BOOK instead of watching FOX all day, you RETARD.
Has anybody thought about what a Klingon version of "Slashdot" would be like?
"Cmdr Gagh reports that recent discussions between Microsoft and Linux users have left large parts of the city slashdotted. Slashing continues in the suburbs, with intermittent disruptor fire between debugging commandos"
"Ask Slashdot: Hacking federation starship computer systems: General Chang will answer all your questions"
"Recent rumors about spam laws meet with fierce resistance in Sysop circles. "We never needed laws, only bat'lets", says chief programmer Korg, "and I don't care for any laws that say you have to fry them spammers with Phasers for sanitary reasons." Got a spammer recently? Share your view!
do you think it would be possible to post links to google cache in the main story? i'm sure the owners of the web sites would prefer it. what would it take to be a little more responsible and try to avoid squashing the little guys that provide your content? it must be nice to have so much bandwith that you loose perspective and forget that the rest of the world does not.
-- john
that it is a bad thing to slashdot Geocities addresses...
No, Beowulf clusters can't imagine in Soviet Russia.
Hi,
Need place to put you site and get away from eveil geocities...contact me.
Power Corrupts,Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely, leaving one person(group)in charge is absolutely corrupt.
...then get Damian Conway's Lingua::tlhIngan::yIghun. Let's you write perl code in the original Klingon!
I can't check since the site is slashdotted, but can anyone confirm the number system used in Var'aq?
If memory serves, the Klingons didn't use base10, but instead used base3 to count numbers. On one of the old 'Learn Klingon' audio cds (read by Worf, errr Michael Dorn) he gives an example while teaching some basic numbers along the line of "7 is therefor literally counted as (2 x 3) + 1"
Well, that's enough of my Star Trek geekness coming through for today thank you.
I am BelDion's
Geocities suck a goats arse :-(
I wonder why people don't give up on them
If you're hosting a website on Geocities. Don't post it to slashdot. Sure, you want the exposure. And a popular page is great, right? Yep. Provided people can see it!
Chances are, there's gonna be a bunch of poor saps that will click on that link and get a nice message saying, "No webpage for you!"
Geocities. The webpage nazi of the 21st century. I'm sure someone has already Karam whored and posted the contents to the discussion.
[/rant]
The (Hopefully) Great Slashdot Blackout
Are you talking about CFront, by any chance?
--
Two witches watched two watches.
Which witch watched which watch?
Just one question: how do they make the touchscreen out of 3 inch armor steel so as to stand up to enraged Klingons?
"That's not right. You there... Policeman... Please take me away from this insanity."
spoken by 'Cave Guy' aka 'Royce '
from the cartoon 'Freakazoid'
(quote approximate)
Not only are we making up a language based on a TV show, we're making up a computer programming language based on that.
The living have better things to do than to continue hating the dead.
Get a life!
The guy who made var'aq is this guy I knew in college. He's a fascinating fellow--only he could create something like var'aq.
Anyhow, the interesting thing about var'aq is that because it runs on Perl, it's pretty ubiquitous meaning that if you really hate your job and feel the need for revenge, just go rewrite the production administration scripts in var'aq and then quit.
Here
Klingon Programs are not released, they escape.
Krispy Cream is people
Top 12 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon programmer in your company.
12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've heard it read in the original Klingon.
9. Indentation?! -- I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!!
8. What is this talk of "release"? Klingons do not make software "releases." Our software "escapes," leaving a bloody trail of designers and testers in its wake.
7. Klingon function calls do not have "parameters"- they have "arguments"- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM!
6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
5. I have challenged the entire testing team to a Bat-Lath contest. They will not concern us again.
4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code
3. By filing this incident report you have challenged the honour of my family. Prepare to die!
2. You question the worthiness of my code?! I should kill you where you stand!
1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
Krispy Cream is people
1024. Bugs are bad for business
2048. Bugs are good for business
Do a search for Lingua::tlhInganHol::yIghun
Damian is pretty darn crazy. Not only did he release a Latin dialect, but Klingon is in the works.
http://jones.ling.indiana.edu/~prrodrig
Oh My God, you killed the site! You Bastards!
The site has exceeded it's data limit, according to GeoCities!
Fascism starts when the efficiency of the government becomes more important than the rights of the people.
They don't; they use transparent aluminum to protect the display, and use SAW (standing acoustic wave) technology to sense touch on the aluminum. We could probably do it with current human technology if we wished.
While the Klingon language is littered with apostrophes, your statement shouldn't be, pitiful pa'taQ.
Virg
P.S. Although the Klingon people are a fictitious entity, the Klingon language is not. It was originally assembled into a partial vocabulary by a fellow whose name escapes me, which has since then grown into a moderately usable language, much in the stripe of J.R.R. Tolkein's Elvish tongue.
Has anyone considered the virtues of a Smurf programming language, where all variables shall be named "smurf" and the actual operation depends upon the context?
You can't win Darth. If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine
ERROR 404. Your have not met the required funds to view this page.
The HTTP RFC actually specifies such an error code: HTTP/1.1 402 Payment Required
Will I retire or break 10K?
And would eatting the meal be considered illegal as well? Imagine giving it to the judge of the DeCSS case.. having him eat it, and then explain to him what he has just eatten :)
:)
I think he would become very forgiving
They probably don't have something marking the end of statements, either, since a real warrior doesn't mind the discomfort of cramming everything on one line.
There might just be something to those rumors of Guido van Russom's batleff collection...
Var'aq: Brings new meaning to the program Codewarrior...
Google doesn't cache images, and they're what choke web servers, since they generally consume both more bandwidth and more hits than the pages themselves. If you look at the Google cache of a page with six images, you still generate six hits on the actual server. So basically, this would generate a lot of no-revenue traffic for Google without helping the small sites survive Slashdotting much at all.
Charming idea, though.
This geocities is weak.
It has dishonored itself by crashing after just a few puny connections!
I would like to preface this by saying, yes, I know Klingons are fictional.
Consider, the only contact Terrans have had with Klingons is confrontational. Naturally are perspective of them is scued. The must be technical side of there culture and it has to have less confrontational means of imparting information. Other wise it would look something like this
"The compiler would optimize your code if you did this instead"
"How dare you insult my programming skills, we must battle to the death!"
Not the best way to get ahead.
OTOH it must be nice being able to challenge spammer to the death!
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
are you sure that isn't MS.NET?
* Winners compare their achievements to their goals, losers compare theirs to that of others.
They just engaged the cloaking device!
Jon Acheson
All opinions expressed herein are my own, and not those of my employers, who are appalled.
Book keeping and kooking features would automate the book cooking process depending upon the target species and their particular mental abilities and weaknesses.
Program structure would be functional with a high reliance on exception handling (with would be called AuditFlags and would be handled by diffrent classes of AuditHandlers) For example:
All programs would have one main function: makemoney() and then would run without further intervention until crashing at which point the global cleanup function hidemoney() would be invoked. If for some reason hidemoney() raised an AuditFlag it would be handled by destoryevidence() which if it raised a further AuditFlag would be handled by runaway().
;)
"How dare you insult my programming skills, we must battle to the death!"
If memory serves, the Klingons came up with a way of doing "play fights" among warriors to settle disputes so that one or both would not end up dead. The primary reason for this was that in times of war, so many warriors would die in fights such as these that victory would not be possible.
However, sometimes it is better to have fewer coders working on a major project :)
In case of fire, do not use elevator. Use water!
I can't believe I'm actually getting into an argument about the feasibility of "Klingons".. *sigh*
Ok, you say that Klingon women who are weaker and therefore not able to do 'honorable' things much are responsible for Klingon advancement? Who builds the ships?
Would a great and honorable warrior lift a finger to implement the specs of a designed they do not see as an equal? Really.. If someone you look down upon told you what to do, how would you react?
Certainly a strong, honorable and enlightenned leader could require warriors to build according to their females design, but this would either:
a) Elevate the status of females to euqlly honorable to males, or
b) end with the death of the leader, probably premature, for the continual humiliation of honorable warriors by forcing them to do work they consider dishonorable.
The only alternative I see to all this, while still maintaining the intellectual role of the Klingon female, is slave labor.
Males fight and rule.. Females design.. Slaves implement the designs under guard of males. That's the only way it could work.. But, with the exception of prison camps (ST-VI) we've not seen Klingons as keeping slaves.
If slaves were used to such a degree as to build cities, space ships, power plants and so forth, they would necessarily be an integral part of the Klingon culture. They are not.
The REAL jabber has the user id: 13196
What you do today will cost you a day of your life
...but Klingons throw things together until they work. The best of the hacker culture. I imagine shell scripts, Perl, REALBasic... whatever works at the time.
The Klingons are also known for redundancy. I imagine the hardware could be thrown across the room and it would still work. The OS would have to be distributed in such a hacked, complex fashion as to be not understandable.
Lies about crimes
We already have a language designed by Klingons...
...It's called Visual Basic
<rimshot>barrump</rimshot>
The thing i never understood is how klingons ever reached the stars at all.
Perhaps their warrior race has a caste system (much like that confusious) in which warriors are
the only class that is not "untouchable"
When I read this topic the very first thing it made me think of was that famous Saturday Night Live Skit back in 1987 starring William "Kirk" Shatner. He was at a Star Trek convention being hounded about a safe combinations (by episode number, not title) by people with pointed ears, Bill tells these people to "get a life", citing the need to "move out of your mother's basement" and experience the real world.
...
Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of the show(s), own many on VHS and DVD, but
Get a Life!
P.S. I am not making this up.
--
"Open source is good." - Steve Jobs
"Open source is evil." - Microsoft
Actually, they'd use something like the Apple Pro Mouse - incredibly sturdy and offers non confusing one button operation.
Lars T.
To the guy who modded me down from perfect to terrible Karma - Apple haters still suck
Geocities is truly without honor!
I did not find a lot of useful responses on the tlhIngan-Hol mailinglist of the Klingon Language Institute, but perhaps this is the right place (and time) to ask.
Please decipher my e-mail address and contact me if you're interested.
#!/bin/sh
/tmp/icc.hack.
/tmp/icc.hack.
/tmp/icc.hack.
/tmp/icc.hack. icc
/tmp/icc.hack.
##
## haX0red Intel C/C++ Compiler
##
## This simple shell script will h4x0r the icc compiler so that
## it skips the check for a valid license file. I was inspired
## to do this because of the asshole Intel engineer at
## LinuxWorld 2002 who did everything he could to dodge
## my questions about Intel's compiler and other general rudeness.
##
## I developed this hack against this version:
##
## Intel(R) C++ Compiler for 32-bit applications, Version 5.0.1 Build 010730D0
## Copyright (C) 1985-2001 Intel Corporation. All rights reserved.
##
##
## Usage:
## Install the Intel C compiler. Don't download a license!
##
## Make sure to import all of the variables that the compiler
## needs to function (it won't work with vanilla include/libraries)
##
## Enjoy!
##
echo 'break *0x8056451' >
echo "run $*" >>
echo 'jump *0x80567d0' >>
gdb -batch -x
rm
What does the Starship Enterprise and Charmin bathroom tissue have in common?
They both orbit URANUS in search of KLINGONS.
If the federal government dares to intrude upon my corporation again, then I Mog, son of Gates, will will give them a taste of my bat'le. Glory to the empire!
___
It's the end of my comment as I know it and I feel fine.
think of it this way, no microsoft code monkey or defender of said work of satin would/could use this. it would be like a vampire drinking consicarted water. Kilngons have honor and only attack when dishonored. microsoft has proven itself to be backstabing. i like the idea of some Microsoft can't support. that may just be me.... but i think not. ^_^
Careful what you say around me.. I will assume you mean it.
... drink large quantities of prune juice for all-night sessions.
Mod Karma -1: I sed bad wurds. If I cep my mouf shut, I wud be at riyses.
Var'aq: Like Windows With Weapons...
Klingons have become more and more unrealistically depicted. Their depiction these days implies that rational calm thought is not a necessity for developing advanced engineering and science. Without some additional facility (e.g. hive minds) I find that hard to believe. It would be like expecting WWF wrestlers or LA gang members to product large numbers of PhD candidates. I think that I preferred the scheming totalitarians from the old star trek..
So the site "exceeded it's data transfer limit." Which means to me that if you are doing _anything_ of real interest, don't put it on Geocities. Which also means that anything on Geocities must be crap -- so it ain't worth looking there...
...makes sense really, as 3 is the closest integer base to e. This minimizes the value of (number of different symbols) * (number of symbols required to express n digits).
We should all use Base 3. Maybe....
.
Let's not stir that bag of worms...
That you think this is cool.
Now I've confirmed why most of you have trouble getting laid.
How about Elvish? With the release of LotR: FotR a few short weeks ago, everyone wants to know more about Elvish. Then again, I don't know how to say "Hello World!" in Klingon, much less Elvish. :)
nt.
Is it just me, or does the idea of a Klingon dressed up in one of those 'bunny suits' to go into a clean room just make you giggle.
JET Program: see Japan, meet intere
My favorite esoteric language is also on that site, Piet. It's the only language I can think of, aside from Befunge, that uses a 2-D array - an image, actually, that's supposed to look like abstract art - and direction, movement, etc, for instructions and program control. Someone *ahem* also wrote an interpreter for Piet with Perl and ImageMagick - Piet::Interpreter. Look for it on a CPAN near you.
The esolang culture is actually what inspired me to create var'aq in the first place. Chris Pressey, creator of Befunge and the person most directly responsible for giving me the idea for Var'aq in the first place; the Klingon angle happened to be the most convenient of its kind. I thought of doing an Elvish programming language as well (i.e. Sindarin-based) but Tolkien somehow left out virtually every mention of Elvish hackers in LotR :-)
I've also kicked around the idea of a programming language based on Latin based on Chris' thoughts on using inflection in a programming language, but it's not one of those things that seems to come together easily...
/Brian
Guess the Vulcans can do it, as well...
;) ]):
// Try harder
// fatal error condition
A small http client written in SPOCK (Simple Programming-Oriented Computer Kode [yes, Vulcans use KDE
server=mindmeld(127.0.0.1:80);
if(server.type==Human)
server.send("rm -rf emotions");
if(server.state==illogical)
eyebrow->raise();
think("GET / HTTP/1.1\nHost: 127.0.0.1\n\n");
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Illegal or not, it would certainly be disgusting. Did you actually read the "Hello World" recipe? No one in their right mind would eat that.
There already is a Latin variant of Perl, in which the meaning of reserved words is given by the ending, thus allowing you to vary your word order :-)
The module is Lingua::Romana::Perligata.
Repton.
They say that only an experienced wizard can do the tengu shuffle.
From the README:
~shiny
WILL HACK FOR $$$
(* do you think it would be possible to post links to google cache in the main story? i'm sure the owners of the web sites would prefer it. *)
If geocities ads *were* profitable, then they would not care how many hits they got (from different readers). They used to allow a bunch of hits. For example, my anti-OOP website on geocities faired okay under slashdotting before the dot-com budget meltdowns. It was slow during the article's first day of exposure, but still came up.
Now they have quotas. Thus, ads on free websites must not pull their own weight. (It must be the pay-per sex chat and photo clubs that keep them alive.)
Table-ized A.I.
I think the point people are trying to make is that Mongols, while reliant on technologies like metallurgy, weaving, tanning etc., were not a highly technological civilization which had to use complex, self-contained starships to travel around. Basically, one has to assume that the "warrior class" of Klingons are not entirely representative, but are in fact the only ones who are commonly seen by outsiders. Obviously there must be farmers, technicians, etc. *somewhere* or the warriors starve, and the ships break down, and then where is your precious Empire? And no, they can't just loot everything - you might be able to make a go of waging interstellar war for food, but, as somebody else in this thread says, who would trust slaves to build starships? I would guess that other professions would not be seen as being as "honorable" as warriors, but would have their own place in Klingon society.
Freedom: "I won't!"
Just found this
"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."
please people, stop bastardizing the concept of a warrior more than it already has been. Perhaps I have seen way to many gung ho marines that ran very successful engineering firms.
Klingons are probably somewhat more rational than some traders that I know! However some traders would love to have a "Launch Photon Torpedoes" button.
See my journal, I write things there