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Do Programming Languages Affect Your Sexual Performance?

Posted by Cliff on from the object-oriented dept.

bLanark asks: "I've used a variety of programming languanges over the years, but recently started using Java commercially (as opposed to just playing at home). As soon as I was on that Java project, I became a rampant stallion, never left my wife alone, sexually. She even started sleeping in the spare room just to get some rest on some nights! Soon, I was back on C++ (due to a budget cut and re-org). I am no longer a stallion (I won't go into more details!). My theory is that java's so easy, so after conquering an API a day (JDOM, Swing,...) I just came home and carried on conquering. Now, I have to work for a living again, and it doesn't leave much energy. Do other slashdotters have similar experience? Is lisp tantric? Do assembler programmers favour wham-bam-that's-the-end-of-that-non-maskable-inter rupt-where's-the-remote-control-honey-can-you-get- me-a-beer? What's the best programming language for attracting sexual partners? What about Operating Systems? Does MS == S&M?" Does C/C++ dampen your love life? Does Perl please your partner? Can you jive with Java? Inquiring minds want to know.

5 of 565 comments (clear)

  1. My Love Life... by oasisbob · · Score: 0, Flamebait

    ... In BASIC:

    10 FOR 0 TO 15,1
    20 SUB SLIDE_FIST_UP
    30 SUB SLIDE_FIST_DOWN
    40 ENDFOR
    50 ECHO "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...."
    60 EXIT

  2. Dear Slashdot by pete-classic · · Score: 0, Flamebait

    Dear Slashdot,

    I have been a loyal reader and poster for four years. I have enjoyed slashdot greatly.

    In light of this story, however, please cancel my fucking account.

    -Peter

  3. barrel-bottom(scrape); by Talez · · Score: 0, Flamebait

    Fuck me... I've seen pathetic shit come from this website but this has got to be the worst fucking "article" that I've ever seen...

    This is not an april fools joke, april fools jokes are supposed to be *FUNNY*. This isn't funny, it's fucking pathetic.

  4. If this isn't an April 1 joke... by bryan1945 · · Score: 1, Flamebait

    I promise to kill this guy. Actually, I promise to kill anyone who relates programming languages to sexual performance, just on principal.

    If this is a 4/1 joke, I'm still inclined to smack him around for using stupid anologies and such.

    If some woman related her stove cleaning prowess to sexual powers, I'd kill her, too.

    (Note for repressive government, all mentions of "Kill" or "killing" is made in a fictitious manner to be funny.) (Welcome to unlimited liability.)

    --
    Vote monkeys into Congress. They are cheaper and more trustworthy.
  5. Disgusting! by Chacham · · Score: 1, Flamebait

    This is a perverted article. And I am amazed that slashdot had the indecency to post it.

    If they want an adult section that's one thing. But playing to the immature teenagers is another. I hope they stop this downward spiral.

    We've already lost polls from being serious to be jokes. (Started with a joke now and then, now its jokes all the time.) Lets hope the stories don't go away.

    Sheesh, just after I bought a subascription. I wonder if I can return it.

    --
    Have you read my journal today?