Review: Blade II - Electric Boogaloo

I took some time to go and see the sequel to the 1998 film Blade and I thought I'd post a review about the movie and see what other slashdotters thought. In general it was like watching someone else play a really pretty beta quality video game. Read on if you'd like to know more. I don't spoil much of anything, I assure you. Well, the mystery for me is over. I know who made all that money during the dot-com bubble. It was Blade. Remember in the first Blade movie, he had to hock the watches and things that he took off the vampires he killed for working capital? I found it sort of grounding that he had to pay for his silver and garlic. In this movie, he's been able to pick up gobs of silver bullets and weaponry, shipped his muscle car, machinery and support guy to Prague to find his friend Whistler. Whistler is played by the unshowered, unshaven, crotchety Kris Kristofferson, who was supposed to have died in the last movie.

He finds him, of course. Mind you, Whistler's now a vampire who is in some kind of hastily unexplained "stasis" for the last few years, so that Blade can inoculate him against the vampire virus and make him human again. The science in this movie, by the way, is insultingly bad, and exceptionally inconsistent. It seems to me if you are going to offer some kind of crappy vampire virus you might as well make it somewhat consistent. It's airborne! It's blood borne! It turns out it's script borne, infecting those who it's convienient to infect and missing, strangely, Blade and his pals.

The story (which I urge you to ignore) is that Blade must team up with the "BloodPack" to defeat a new, powerful and virulent strain of vampires known as the "Reaper" strain which poses a threat to the Vampire Nation and to Humanity alike.

I don't want to dwell on the story too much since, well, the producers of Blade II didn't, so why should I? But the stupid names they chose for everything. "Whistler," "Scud" and "Blade" must defeat the "Reapers" with the help of the "Bloodpack" of the "Vampire Nation." This clearly points to their actual audience. Immature 13-year-old boys up late watching bad cable when Cinemax after dark just isn't doing it for them.

And me, I guess, I mean, I did go and watch this tripe. Perhaps the only redeeming features of Blade II are the fight scenes, a number of which were even filmed such that you could see what was going on. The ones you could make out were fantastic, full of groovy moves and excellent gymnastics and flashing leather, steel, vampire flavored flash bangs and flying silver bullets. So that was fun, but watching Blade II makes you realize how well Blade I's fights were filmed. And don't get me into the numerous continuity errors that whap you on the forehead every ten minutes.

As far as Wesley Snipes' performance, it was energetic. I'd place this movie somewhere between Drop Zone and Passenger 57 in the Snipes oeuvre.

So , if you really really really like playing Mortal Kombat-style fighting games, go see Blade II. Also, if you want to see the trailer for the upcoming Friday the 13th movie, Jason X, Jason in Space, go see Blade II. Yes, I'm serious, Jason X. 10! In Space! Starring lots of Canadian sci-fi actors on break from Andromeda ! I weep for action cinema. Thank God I've got Hard Boiled on DVD.

Comments

Let us bow our heads and be thankful

[Kickstart70]

Jon Katz didn't write this review.

Re:Let us bow our heads and be thankful

[motox]

maybe it's the beginning of a new trend. People should rush to every movie with the goal of writing a review before jon katz does. this way we will drive him to suicide, maybe.

Re:Let us bow our heads and be thankful

[PhoenxHwk]

Yeah, but JonKatz's review would tell us of the chilling reality of vampire movies in a post-9/11 society. The ramifications of this being that we now live in a world where Vampires and Blade can get along in the face of a greater danger. Just like the Taliban. Or something.

Beavers!!!

[DeMorganLaw]

They were like beavers! The new strain of vampires lived underwater in a damn made from bones. Did the people working on the script have writers block and decide, "Hey lets make them like beavers".

Re:Beavers!!!

[AndroidCat]

Well, he did say that there were a lot of Canadian sci-fi writers on break from Andromeda (Herc in Space!). National animal, don't ya know! :^)

also, i liked it when

[digitalsushi]

i liked it when BLADE turned into that cartoon fighter, when he was fighting the two cyborg vampires, and he did MAD FLIPS and A FULL OLLIE off a TELEVISION. Then he BUSTED some HEADS with the POWER OF THE SUN. Blade is the all american hero, he's like a half dead GI JOE with better gear than BATMAN and cooler sunglasses than the freakin TERMINATOR. If I were BLADE I would open my own diner and call it Blade's Diner and I wouldn't serve vampires, either.

Re:Sunlight

[tetro]

must have been pleather

or...

[Anonymous Coward]

How BII is enigmatic of the post Enron collapse when viewed thru the vampire genre of hollywood. Enron execs feeding on the blood of staffers while extolling the new world that they and they alone will create....

Re:Most Violent Film ever?

[Chris Burke]

Not as violent as the MPAA raping American citizens with laws they passed using your dollars.

I saw the trailer for that. It looked pretty stupid, but I bet it'll make a lot of money anyway. I hear they're releasing it along with a new trailer for Episode 2! I'm saving up my popcorn money starting today!

katz

[h4x0r-3l337]

I still don't agree with Katz' reviews, even when he uses a pseudonym.