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Robots Milking Cows
axlrosen writes "The Globe has an article about robotic cow-milking machines. The cows are trained to walk up to the machine, and then "a laser locates the cow's nipples, which are cleaned by rollers coated with disinfectant before being milked by long, white suction tubes on the unit's milking claw. Vacuum-activated rubber rings at the end of each tube massage the nipple, prompting the cow to release its milk.""
hahahaha april fools hahahaha
dumb ass
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I've got this. It's called my right hand.
Plus the computer has to monitor the flow of the milk to check for globs of mastitis material and maybe check the udder for hardness. In my opinion this sounds interesting but milking parlers have really made the whole milking process pretty efficient. Somehow the human putting on the unit and observing the health of the cow makes me a bit more comfortable with the system.
Robot killing cows, and I was like thank god we don't actually have to have a human slaughter anything anymore.
An Education is the Font of All Liberty
With this technology, we can now directly seek and attack the nipples of our country's enemies. Adding this as aonther stage on our already intelligent weapons... we could really wreak havoc to our enemies. You'd think they'd have to be bathing or swimming at the time. But with highly tuned IR sensors, it just might work.
0- Eamonman Proud member of DNRC
Where would an invention like this be more profitable -- in the farming industry, or the adult-novelties industry?
Every time some motherfucking 'farm innovation' comes along, some shit for brains motherfucker rants about how great said fucking invention is and how said fucking invention will somehow make it possible for the frothing legions of motherless fucks who make a living by farming to be more and more profitable.
That, my dear asshole reader, is a steamy crock of piss.
Here's what shit like this does, whether or not this is some fucking joke: it makes milk cheaper. Simple fucking econ, and I'm not fucking econ major. If some cocksucker can get more fucking milk from his fat fuck cows, he can sell more fucking milk to a market already soaked in the shit. Result: lower milk prices. Yea for consumer, pisser for farmer. In the end, farmer is fucked, he paid $640,000 for robotic milkers or whatever the fuck it happens to be, and now his shit is worth slightly less than a bucket of vomit.
The only motherfuckers who benefit from this type of bullshit are monstrous motherfucking corporations who can make money even by selling their shit at a 1% margin.
End of fucking story.
My aunt and i being dairy farmers have known of these for years.
We feel ours would need two mods:
1) a hawking voice
2) air powered cylinder with steel pipe
This is so when the bove(cow) kicked the snot out of the bot(robot), as they often do to the milkmades, the pipe wold smack the bove while yelling in hawking "god damn you hag".
tecno dairy humor
I NEED ONE FOR MY COW
Can we have several of these at the local sperm bank?
I thought, "HAHA The first April Fools Day post."
oops
No sig for you!!
just wondering whether robots can be infected by it ? that would pretty much sink us into terminator realms
My mom never taught me to sign.
Doesn't any of this frighten anyone? I place this machine only a few steps below the Cow raping machine, which keeps the sows pregnant and lactating. Sadly, I cannot express much enthusiasm over such a machine. I am not a vegetarian but I do not drink milk or eat dairy products, and I feel that it has had a positive effect upon my digestive system. Thus I may feel morally superior in realizing that my habits do not contribute to the manufacture of such devices.
I've seen this on the news here in Norway. Some farmers joined in on an automated barn, with this automatic milking system. That was over a year ago, though. The cows go to the machine and get a snack when they are in the little milking booth. An inductive radio chip necklace tells the computer wich cow is in the booth and gives detailed statistics to the farmer.
Automated milking machines have been around for many years. At least two decades, actually.
Repeal the DMCA!
I know other posters have made this point already, but they haven't given it the throrough fucking airing it deserves. The price of milk does not go down. The price of milk *never* goes down, thanks to some fucking communist 1930's-era price supports that have long outlived whatever dumbass bullshit purpose they ever had. Go ask Jim Jeffords about his fucking dairy compact. People have been fucking *prosecuted* for selling milk for less than the government mandated bullshit price. I wish I still had the fucking link for that story but suffice it to say, if you think you can just squeeze some cow's tit in a bucket and sell it for whatever you want, then you my friend are sorely fucking mistaken.
Ever hear of government dick cheese? Ever wonder where government dick cheese comes from? You probably thought it was just another stupid ass bleeding heart liberal handout for old hags and smelly winos. Shows how much your dumb ass knows. Government dick cheese is what the fuckhead politicians came up with to dispose of all the excess bovine nipple discharge that farmers eagerly produce but no one wants to buy at rigoddamndiculously inflated government prices. So the government buys, with money stolen from you and me, fucking *cheese* in order to prop up demand for the fetid white cow juice that couldn't be sold. The cheese is allowed to fester in a warehouse until it gets nice and green and then it is passed out to the fucking winos to enjoy with their Mad Dog so they can continue their parasitic lifestyle. Any article about how milk is being produced more efficiently should be subtitled "Consumers, taxpayers to be assraped even more. Archer Daniel Motherfucker stock soars."
Now that, gentle reader, is the fucking end of story.
WTF is your point?? A cow raping machine, if you have no moral problems with eating meat, then how is this repugnant? Your eating habits kill cows/steers, do they not? Could you please make a point or a consecutive set of points? WTF is your point, you anaemic meat eating morally superior Cow rights hero. Please make a point.
They can truly replace farmers!