Slashdot Mirror
1770 Mechanical Chess Player Inspired Babbage
dipfan writes "A new book tells the extraordinary true story of a clock-work chess-playing "machine" named The Turk that wowed Europe and the US in the 18th and 19th century, beating Benjamin Franklin and Napoleon, among others. Although it turned out to be a cleverly designed trick, the device is credited with inspiring Charles Babbage (the father of the computer), who played and lost to the automaton in 1820, with the idea that a mechanical engine could be programed to perform tasks... and the rest is computing history, right up to IBM's Deep Blue. There's an article by the author at Wired, and the preface and first chapter of the book The Mechanical Turk available online."
CmdrTaco was new to the slashdot compound. He had just recently come out as gay even though he had known at some level that he was a flaming homo his entire life. CmdrTaco had discovered a website called slashdot that helped him come out, and eventually he came to be a part of the crew of Slashdot janitors living in the Slashdot compound.
CmdrTaco had heard CowboiKneel and Homos talking about Tyrone. They didn't say much in the way of useful information. All they would tell CmdrTaco was that Tyrone visited the Slashdot compound every other week on Friday. Then they would just smile.
CmdrTaco wondered with anticipation about Tyrone, but would have to wait a week to meet him.
The next Friday Tyrone visited the Slashdot compound. CmdrTaco nearly fainted when he saw Tyrone. Tyrone was huge (nearly 6 feet 6 inches tall), black, and incredibly muscular. This was in direct contrast to CmdrTaco who was short at 5 feet 3 inches tall, white, and incredibly thin. Tyrone saw CmdrTaco and said in his deep voice, "Fresh meat. I want to take him first."
CmdrTaco was both nervous and excited as he and Tyrone went to his room in the Slashdot compound. When they got there Tyrone closed the door and locked it. Tyrone then picked up and threw CmdrTaco on the bed. Tyrone then proceeded to all manner of homosexual acts against CmdrTaco's small body. Tyrone made CmdrTaco suck his dick. He would also make CmdrTaco take his dick up CmdrTaco's ass. Since Tyrone had a big black dick, CmdrTaco cried out in pain. Eventually, CmdrTaco fell unconcious.
The next day CmdrTaco woke up with bruises all over his body, with every part of his body in pain. The rest of the Slashdot janitors were in a similar state. CmdrTaco couldn't wait for Tyrone to come visit again.
I read the Wired article when it came out in print a couple months ago, and I'd have to say I found it quite interesting. It seems to be the Turk was quite a feat in its time, convincing some of the world's most respected scientists that it was indeed a machine, when it was in fact not. It makes me think about today, when there is so much press covering everything, if it would be possible for something such as Deep Blue to be a similar hoax. I know IBM was very secretive about the hardware and coding and what not, so maybe all they did was stick Bobby Fischer inside. That thing sure is big enough to do that...
Linux Buttsex HOWTO
by Anal Cocks
Version 1.0.1, 2nd June 1998
Introduction
This HOWTO explains how to perform Buttsex in the Linux Operating System w/Enterprise Resources (LOSER). This HOWTO assumes basic k nowledge of general Linux operation.
Preparation
Most basically, all Linux Buttsex requires is a machine running the Linux Operating System, a penis (also referred to as a "cock" o r "dick"), and a willing friend. However, you benefit greatly, especially when starting out, if you posess standard Buttsex tools.
Standard Buttsex Tools
Lubricant - Slippery stuff you smear on your johnson and your friend's manpussy, to ease the transition into Buttsex mode. Vaseline will do in a pinch, but water-based lubricants such as KY Jelly and Astroglide are preferable.
Contraception - Protective barrier between your s chlong and the inside of your friend's love canal. Breeders use them to prevent pregnancy, but we queer nancies usually use them to protect ourselves from t he deadly AIDS virus. While some enterprising faggots have made do with plastic wrap or masking tape, there is no substitute for a latex condom. Most all co ndoms will do, as long as they aren't the "extra-thin" type. Some condoms are labelled as beiong superior for Buttsex, but are not necessary.
Step One -- Prepare the Anus
This step is especially important if your friend has never taken a willie in the ass before. Prepare his anus for the width and girth of your manhood with the "finger" command. It is used like so:
% finger [insert your friend's name here]
Begin with your index or middle finger, and then both middle AND index fingers, at the same time. Ten to fifteen minutes should do. If you wish, you may felate him or suck his balls, while you're fingering him.
Step Two -- Entry
Here the fun starts. Have your friend lay prone on the bed, or even better, get down "on all fours". Optionally, place a coup le pillows beneath him to make him more comfortable. Now position yourself behind him, and spread his asscheeks. Apply lubricant, generously, to both your s exrod, and his pit of pleasure. It is advisable to stick your fingers partially inside in his anus, to make sure that the entire edge of the entry is covere d.
Your penis must be fully erect in order to make a sucessful entry. If you are not already "hard as a rock", you may rub your penis in his asscrack, wh ile tweaking his nipples (or stroking his cock), and saying intimidating things, such as "I am going to make you squeal like a pig, boy. Squeal, like a pig! ".
When your sexstick is sufficiently engorged with blood, it is time to begin entry. Place the head of your cock firmly against his brown anal starfish. Begin applying firm pressure forwards, optionally using your hand to guide your dick on a true course into sodomy. Your friend is most likely moaning in ag ony or yelping, and you may either ignore this, or in a snide tone, say "You like that, bitch?".
When your penis is in, move on to the next step.
Step Three -- Hardcore Assramming
This is fairly simple. Move your dick around in his ass, towards and then back, at varying speeds. If for som e reason your dick pops out, put in back in, undaunted. Continue pumping and thrusting until you feel you are ready to move on to Step Four.
Step Four -- Orgasm
When ready to blow your load, use this command:
% stdout > ass
This redirects your standard output strea m into your friend's pink tunnel of shit. Enter the command, then with one final thrust, placing the entire length of your cock inside his body. Your penis will then eject about a quart of sticky white semen, accompanied by tremendous pleasure.
Step Five -- Cleanup
If you wore a condom, cleanup is simple. Remove the condom and toss it out your window. Then sop up any other jizz, anal j uice, excrement, or lubricant with Brawny(R) brand paper towels.
If you did not wear a condom, your friend will have a steady drip of cum out of his ass for the next few hours. Tell him to "buck up" and stuff some toilet paper in his underwear.
Afterward
Congratulations! You are now a l337 LUN1X 4$$r4mm3r, just like Linux Toreballs and his gay minions! Celebrate by masturbating to the sensual gay erotica found at http://www.goatse.cx/
.
(Reposted from an eariler story -- worth reading.)
It is now official - a Slashdot poll has confirmed: Slashdot is dyingYet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Slashdot community when recently a poll on the site confirmed that up-to-date and factually-correct stories account for less than 40 percent of all submitted news stories, that the user-moderation system has fallen to pieces through the oppressive power of the editors, and that subscribers don't need to pay and can use such software as JunkBuster to filter out adverts. Coming on the heels of the latest MSNBC survey which plainly states that Slashdot has lost more readers, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. Slashdot is collapsing in complete disarray, as further exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Kuro5hin technology site popularity test.
You don't need to be a Kreskin to predict Slashdot's future. The hand writing is on the wall: Slashdot faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for it because Slashdot is dying. Things are looking very bad for the site. As many of us are already aware, Slashdot continues to lose readers. Red ink flows like a river of blood. The subscribers scheme is the most endangered of them all, having lost 62% of its paying readers.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
Slashdot editor Rob Malda (CmdrTaco) states that there are 700 paying subscribers to Slashdot. How many normal readers are there? Let's see. The number of subscriber versus reader posts on Slashdot is roughly in ratio of 1 to 4. Therefore there are about 700*4 = 2800 normal casual readers. Anonymous Coward posts are about half of the volume of the typical posts. Therefore there are about 1400 readers who can't be bothered setting up an account. A recent article put the Trolls, who post sexual insults, foul ASCII art pictures and links to vile sites, at about 80 percent of the Slashdot readership. Therefore there are (700+8400+4200)*4 = 19600 trolling readers. This is consistent with the number of Troll posts.
Due to the troubles of Andover.net, abysmal hit counts and so on, Slashdot went out of business and was taken over by OSDN who run another troubled site. Now OSDN is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.
All major surveys show that Slashdot has steadily declined in readership. It is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If Slashdot is to survive at all it will be among geeky hobbyist dabblers. Slashdot continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, Slashdot is dead.
So why now? Why did Slashdot fail? Once you get over the myriad of incompatible personalities, particularly among the editors who have repeatedly failed to check for serious inaccuracies in their stories (see the FreeBSD 4.5 "release" as a shocking example), it's clear that subscribers will continue to decrease. Using software such as JunkBuster, readers can eliminate adverts without having to pay any money. These two significant factors, along with the corrupted "moderation" scheme (where editors have infinite power over the regular moderators), only confirm yet further that Slashdot's glory days are coming to an end.
Fact: Slashdot is dying
There are some serious safety issues regarding anal sex that you need to be aware of at all times. First and foremost, whatever touches the anus shouldn't be touching anything else. Never never never take the penis out of the anus and put it into the vagina. That can lead to serious infections and other complications. After any kind of anal play, you should immediately change condoms and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly.
Of course, STDs are also a major concern with anal sex. This isn't just limited to AIDS; herpes, genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. can all be transmitted through anal sex. You simply shouldn't be having anal sex without a condom; it's not worth the risk to either partner.
Tip #2: Lube, lube, lube
One of the most important thing to remember when thinking about anal sex is that, unlike the vagina, the anus isn't self-lubricating: you gotta bring your own grease. And, the more lube you use, the better. It will make the initial penetration much more easy and less painful for the woman and make the whole experience, for both of you, much more pleasant.
All kinds of lube are used for anal sex, from spit to Vaseline to high-tech silicone-based lubes. We'd strongly recommend spending a little money to get a high quality water-based lubricant; remember, an oil-based lubricant like Vaseline will degrade the latex in a condom, destroying its usefulness. We'd recommend products like AstroGlide or KY Jelly, available in any drug store. Note, though a condom may be "lubricated", they typically don't offer as much lube as we'd recommend for anal sex.
There are some specialty lubes designed for anal sex that include an anesthetic to numb the woman's sensation and make anal sex less painful. We'd advise against these products. The simple fact is, pain is a way of your body telling you that something's wrong. If you're in pain during anal sex, you need to focus on solving the root problems, not anesthetizing yourself so it's easier to endure.
Tip #3: Start Small
Simply put, a penis is an awful big to be the first thing you stick up someone's butt. Better to start with something smaller and work your way up. Fingers are an excellent beginning point. Use one finger, then two, to initiate your partner into the mysteries of anal penetration. Try it while performing oral sex for an extra thrill. Be sure not to forget the lube, and you might also want to wear latex gloves.
As your partner gets used to your fingers, you might graduate to a butt plug or a small dildo. Dildos are available in all shapes and sizes. Go shopping together to get one she thinks she can handle. Remember, though, don't put the dildo into the vagina after putting it into the anus. The safest way is to put a condom on the dildo before using it, and to wash it thoroughly immediately after.
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Hey hey, CmdrTaco here. I have a story in the high school section about my first time, which was with my little brother's hottie friend (Hemos) a couple of months ago.
Anyway, as with most of us guys, masturbation has always been a big part of my life. Ever since I can remember, I've been choking the chicken on a daily basis. Starting puberty at 11, I've masturbated at least once a day ever since. If I miss a day, then I more than make up for it the next time. So, masturbating at least 7 times a week for the past 6 years or so, (I'm now 17), that adds up to a fair amount of cum ejaculated from my ball sac!
One of my favourite things to do while wanking is to stick phallic shaped objects up my ass. These have included my fingers, dildoes, cucumbers and anything basically resembling a cock!
Laying spread-eagled on my bed one day, slowly stroking my uncut 6.5" dick, I massaged my hairless balls between my fingers, moaning loudly. I reached under my bed, feeling for my newly purchased friend, Mr. Cucumber...
Finding the vegetable, I grabbed the lube and slowly lubed it up, spreading some on my expectant asshole. Thinking of what lay ahead, I slid a finger up my puckered boy hole. Then two. After adding a third, I thought it was enough so I set about getting the cucumber ready again.
Rubbing my lubed up swollen knob sent shivers of delight down my back. Doing that was gonna make me cum if I didn't stop! My balls lobbed from side to side with the sudden pick up of pace with which I was beating my meat. I picked up the cucumber and placed the rounded end against my hole, feeling myself opening up for the glorious pleasure maker. Slipping it in sent huge ripples of delight through me. I slowly slid the vegetable in and out, all the time jerking off. After a few minutes of furious beating and fucking, I was very close to cumming.
"Knock, knock...," was all I heard before my best friend Hemos barged in with an armful of school books.
"Whoa! What the hell?" was his shocked response to my little bit of exhibitionism, before bursting into a fit of laughter.
With my gorgeous best friend watching, a cucumber lodged up my ass and my frantically jacking off, it only took me about ten seconds more to burst forth with my sticky white juice. A huge glob flew at Hemos and landed at his feet, before I threw my legs in the air, with the rest of my cum landing on my chest and face.
With Hemos's raucous laughter still in my ears, I slowly pulled my cock, easing the last remaining drops of cum out, putting my fingers to my lips.
"Man, that's fuckin' sick, eating your own cum," he said, grinning.
"Yeah, well, I like the taste," I smiled, "and don't deny you don't do it!" I said, before wiping my finger over each drop of cum on my body and taking it to my hungry mouth.
Hemos continued laughing and started walking out.
"Meet you out front in 5," he said, "give you some time to clean up."
He strolled out, still shaking his head and laughing.
I was very satisfied. Although I have no doubts that Hemos was totally straight, it didn't hurt to fantasise about my tanned and gorgeous friend. His face and body are a recurring image in my masturbatory fantasies.
This FAQ is designed to give tips on trolling on Slashdot, created in celebration of Blackout Week. It is dedicated to all hard-working trolls and crapflooders.
How do I crapflood?
A crapflood is an (intentionally) content-free post. Here are some suggestions for the source of your crapflood -- remember to take care with repetition, odd characters, or repetition, to get past the lameness filter:
How do I widen pages?
A method is known and delivered to us by the beautiful Klerck which currently works in Internet Explorer alone. This will therefore ruin the browsing experience of by far the majority of Slashdot readers. Start with the text:
http://www.eveeieyhfgfcdoosammgwsnboivvbsczxlzgabc /
then repeat /ooieiabdcdjsvbkeldfogjhiyeeejkagclmieooionoepdk /
several times, remembering to avoid the compression filter trap by using different random characters.How do I karma whore?
"Karma whoring" is the practice of gaining moderation points for their own sake. It is particularly useful in techniques for defeating the moderation system. Some tips for karma whoring are:
How do I defeat the moderation system?
The moderation system is far from flawless. Here are some ways to devalue it:
How do I defeat authentication?
Don't. The FBI will arrest you for being a terrorist. Instead, make an authoritative nick like CmdrTaco (editor). The majority of people are easily fooled, and will be likely to take notice of and respond to your post, and even moderate it up. Think of it like Lunix Turvalds walking into the room -- people listen to what he has to say, and don't dare disagree.
How do I defeat the goatse link early warning system?
Simple -- use one of the many foolishly implemented redirector URLs hosted on well-known sites. Here's an innocuous recent example which pretends to link to the highly informative about.com, but in fact links to a site of the popular 90's lesbian band The Spice Girls: Informative link which will get me karma
What are some excellent sites to sneakily link to?
Mostly, you should link to gay porn. If you are reading this FAQ, you already know the URLs, so I don't need to supply them, except to say that it's almost an initiation ceremony in Slashdot trolling to link to goatse.
Administrativa
How do I justify the existence of this FAQ?
Slashdot is full of people who support unlicensed weapons ownership and dissemination of bomb creation documents -- in short, they support freedom, even when that freedom could cause harm. This document should be considered as that very freedom in action. Indeed, to disparage or moderate down this document would be un-American, and the FBI are likely to arrest you for being a terrorist.
How do I add to or change this FAQ?
Simply re-post the FAQ on Slashdot, adding an appropriate question, and incrementing the version number by 1. Before doing so, please try to ensure you have the latest version, and remember to keep this post W3C compliant!
How else can I help with the Troll and Crapflooding Cause?
Moderate this post up, re-post it, put it in your journal, and upload it on your website. Thanks!
This FAQ is designed to give tips on trolling on Slashdot, created in celebration of Blackout Week. It is dedicated to all hard-working trolls and crapflooders.
What are some good trolling tips?
Trolling is all about making people think you care, and so winding up those who care for real. Think of it like shooting a deer in front of an anti-hunt protester, or eating a Big Mac in front of a vegan. Here are some ideas for making your troll work:
How do I crapflood?
A crapflood is an (intentionally) content-free post. Here are some suggestions for the source of your crapflood -- remember to take care with repetition, odd characters, or repetition, to get past the lameness filter:
How do I widen pages?
A method is known and delivered to us by the beautiful Klerck which currently works in Internet Explorer alone. This will therefore ruin the browsing experience of by far the majority of Slashdot readers. Start with the text:
http://www.eveeieyhfgfcdoosammgwsnboivvbsczxlzgabc /
then repeat /ooieiabdcdjsvbkeldfogjhiyeeejkagclmieooionoepdk /
several times, remembering to avoid the compression filter trap by using different random characters.How do I karma whore?
"Karma whoring" is the practice of gaining moderation points for their own sake. It is particularly useful in techniques for defeating the moderation system. Some tips for karma whoring are:
How do I defeat the moderation system?
The moderation system is far from flawless. Here are some ways to devalue it:
How do I defeat authentication?
Don't. The FBI will arrest you for being a terrorist. Instead, make an authoritative nick like CmdrTaco (editor). The majority of people are easily fooled, and will be likely to take notice of and respond to your post, and even moderate it up. Think of it like Lunix Turvalds walking into the room -- people listen to what he has to say, and don't dare disagree.
How do I defeat the goatse link early warning system?
Simple -- use one of the many foolishly implemented redirector URLs hosted on well-known sites. Here's an innocuous recent example which pretends to link to the highly informative about.com, but in fact links to a site of the popular 90's lesbian band The Spice Girls: Informative link which will get me karma
What are some excellent sites to sneakily link to?
Mostly, you should link to gay porn. If you are reading this FAQ, you already know the URLs, so I don't need to supply them, except to say that it's almost an initiation ceremony in Slashdot trolling to link to goatse.
Administrativa
How do I justify the existence of this FAQ?
Slashdot is full of people who support unlicensed weapons ownership and dissemination of bomb creation documents -- in short, they support freedom, even when that freedom could cause harm. This document should be considered as that very freedom in action. Indeed, to disparage or moderate down this document would be un-American, and the FBI are likely to arrest you for being a terrorist.
How do I add to or change this FAQ?
Simply re-post the FAQ on Slashdot, adding an appropriate question, and incrementing the version number by 1. Before doing so, please try to ensure you have the latest version, and remember to keep this post W3C compliant!
How else can I help with the Troll and Crapflooding Cause?
Moderate this post up, re-post it, put it in your journal, and upload it on your website. Thanks!