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Review of Hancom Linux 2.01 Standard
ELQ writes: "The Korean-based Hancom Linux announced that the professional version of Hancom Office Suite 2.0 is canned, but the standard version has just been released, four days ago. It seems to be a capable alternative to Star Office, for a very reasonable price. It includes a word processor, a spreadsheet, a presentation app and a rasterized painting app. OSNews has the review."
The Girl Scouts announced today that they will start to sell Linux CD-ROMs in addition to the traditional cookies. A spokesman for the organization said, "Cookie sales are slumping and the cookie manufacturers are constantly nagging us for a larger share of the profits. Demand for Linux, on the other hand, is increasing. Plus, we can acquire Linux CDs for almost nothing. Fund raising will never be the same again."
Starting next month, Girl Scouts will begin door-to-door sales, asking residents, "Would you like an operating system that doesn't crash? It's only $5, or $30 if you buy a book to go with it." With the increasing dissatisfaction with Windows and the increasing awareness of Linux and open source software, the Girl Scouts expect sales to be strong.
Other organizations are eyeing Linux as a possible fundraising venture. One PBS station in California is giving away complementary Linux CDs to all viewers who send in donations. Donations to the station have tripled over the last month, prompting the station manager to announce, "Finally! We can now afford to show decent programming for a change! Thank you, Linus Torvalds."
In a related story, one breakfast cereal maker is offering free Linux CDs in selected boxes. A spokesman said, "A few months ago we inked a deal with Microsoft to provide free Internet Explorer 6 CDs in our boxes. In short, consumer reaction to the IE offer was horrible. Sales actually dropped. We've cancelled that promotion and are now offering free Linux CDs in selected boxes (i.e. the ones that are more expensive). Initial reaction has been very strong. In the future we may offer a new cereal under the 'Tux the Penguin' brand."
An unbiased medical study was recently completed which included blood tests, double-blind placebo-controlled user tests, heart monitors and urine samples, among other techniques. The study was led by Dr. Robert Wilkes and his assistant Dr. Li Huang, both of whom have a strong background in computer software. The details have not yet been made available to the public, however Drs. Wilkes and Huang have asked that the public be provided with a summary of their findings as soon as possible.
This study was conducted over a period of two years, and the results will be published shortly in a major medical journal. The subjects for the study were 235 computer users and programmers, of varying skill levels, selected at random from major cities in the U.S., and carefully monitored on a periodic basis for software-related stress, illness, injury and other ailments. They also performed psychological evaluations to determine the effect of various software brands on the users' mental health.
Below is a brief summary of the results of their findings.
Users of Microsoft Windows, Office and Internet Explorer have a significantly lower incidence of stomach ulcers, colonic gas, redness of the eyes, and stress-related high blood pressure than their Unix & Linux counterparts -- particularly the users of Solarus, Red Hat, NOME, KDE and Netscape, among others. It was believed that the ocular redness was related to the high percentage of marijuana abusers in the Linux community, and urinalysis confirmed this to be the case. Further study and psychoanalysis showed that the stress and ulceration (found in the Unix & Linux users) were primarily caused by the following factors:
The Unix & Linux users also had a greater incidence of carpal-tunnel syndrome, due to the greater necessity of typing at the command line. Examination of the wrist muscles in this group of users found numerous cases of inflammation and irreparable injury caused by their incessant command-line usage, whereas the majority of Microsoft users, who primarily use the mouse and seldom type, had healthy wrist muscles.
The Microsoft users exhibited tranquility, good mental and physical health, and balanced emotional well-being. They tend to spend more time at the gym, visit family and friends more often, and are more outgoing and social. Dr. Huang found that this is due to the fact that their operating system doesn't require them to spend long hours studying Mann pages in order to perform simple maintenance tasks. Their primary reasons for feeling secure were as follows:
Among the focus groups examined were numerous programmers, of various software persuasions. The programmers using Visual Basic, ASP and .NET technologies were the healthiest overall, and Dr. Wilkes found that this was directly related to the security they felt in their careers. The .NET programmers were especially well-adjusted, partly due to their sense of pride and being on the cutting edge of technology. "Microsoft is the biggest game in town," one engineer raved, "and those who miss the .NET bandwagon are getting left by the wayside. Nobody in the industry has produced a virtual-machine-based, object-oriented language like Microsoft's C# until now."
The Unix & Linux programmers using Java, J2EE, JSP and PHP were found to have the lowest health ratings. Upon further analysis, it was determined that this was due to the following primary factors:
Keep in mind that this study was performed without prejudice, and with the strictest adherence to the guidelines set forth by the profession for clinical trials of this nature. Dr. Wilkes and his colleagues are educated professionals of the highest degree, and their vast research in medicine and the field of computer software allows them to speak with authority on these issues.
Please take this opportunity to reevaluate your choice of software, and be aware that it can drastically affect your physical and mental health.
Karl Marx and Frederick Engels
MANIFESTO
OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY
1848
A spectre is haunting Europe -- the spectre of communism. All the
powers of old Europe have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this
spectre: Pope and Tsar, Metternich and Guizot, French Radicals and
German police-spies.
Where is the party in opposition that has not been decried as
communistic by its opponents in power? Where is the opposition that has
not hurled back the branding reproach of communism, against the more
advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary
adversaries?
Two things result from this fact:
I. Communism is already acknowledged by all European powers to be
itself a power.
II. It is high time that Communists should openly, in the face of the
whole world, publish their views, their aims, their tendencies,
and meet this nursery tale of the spectre of communism with a
manifesto of the party itself.
To this end, Communists of various nationalities have assembled in
London and sketched the following manifesto, to be published in the
English, French, German, Italian, Flemish and Danish languages.
I -- BOURGEOIS AND PROLETARIANS [1]
The history of all hitherto existing society [2] is the history of class
struggles.
Freeman and slave, patrician and plebian, lord and serf, guild-master
[3] and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in
constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now
hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a
revolutionary reconstitution of society at large, or in the common ruin
of the contending classes.
In the earlier epochs of history, we find almost everywhere a
complicated arrangement of society into various orders, a manifold
gradation of social rank. In ancient Rome we have patricians, knights,
plebians, slaves; in the Middle Ages, feudal lords, vassals,
guild-masters, journeymen, apprentices, serfs; in almost all of these
classes, again, subordinate gradations.
The modern bourgeois society that has sprouted from the ruins of feudal
society has not done away with class antagonisms. It has but
established new classes, new conditions of oppression, new forms of
struggle in place of the old ones.
Our epoch, the epoch of the bourgeoisie, possesses, however, this
distinct feature: it has simplified class antagonisms. Society as a
whole is more and more splitting up into two great hostile camps, into
two great classes directly facing each other -- bourgeoisie and
proletariat.
From the serfs of the Middle Ages sprang the chartered burghers of the
earliest towns. From these burgesses the first elements of the
bourgeoisie were developed.
The discovery of America, the rounding of the Cape, opened up fresh
ground for the rising bourgeoisie. The East-Indian and Chinese markets,
the colonisation of America, trade with the colonies, the increase in
the means of exchange and in commodities generally, gave to commerce, to
navigation, to industry, an impulse never before known, and thereby, to
the revolutionary element in the tottering feudal society, a rapid
development.
The feudal system of industry, in which industrial production was
monopolized by closed guilds, now no longer suffices for the growing
wants of the new markets. The manufacturing system took its place. The
guild-masters were pushed aside by the manufacturing middle class;
division of labor between the different corporate guilds vanished in the
face of division of labor in each single workshop.
Meantime, the markets kept ever growing, the demand ever rising. Even
manufacturers no longer sufficed. Thereupon, steam and machinery
revolutionized industrial production. The place of manufacture was
taken by the giant, MODERN INDUSTRY; the place of the industrial middle
class by industrial millionaires, the leaders of the whole industrial
armies, the modern bourgeois.
Modern industry has established the world market, for which the
discovery of America paved the way. This market has given an immense
development to commerce, to navigation, to communication by land. This
development has, in turn, reacted on the extension of industry; and in
proportion as industry, commerce, navigation, railways extended, in the
same proportion the bourgeoisie developed, increased its capital, and
pushed into the background every class handed down from the Middle Ages.
We see, therefore, how the modern bourgeoisie is itself the product of a
long course of development, of a series of revolutions in the modes of
production and of exchange.
Hi there. Today, I want to talk about a subject near and dear to all of our hearts.
WAFFLES.
There are many types of waffles. Some are belgian, some are fruity, some come from Waffle House and taste like baked shit. Some have sugar in them, but it's rumored that this is a European Communist Plot to make everybody fat. Some are "Eggos", which you are supposed to "Leggo". Some are cheap and generic, others cost upwards of a thousand dollars for a single helping. There are those you eat plain, and others go better with toppings, such as powdered sugar and Maple Syrup.
My favorite type of waffle is Belgian with fruit and stuff on top. Now that's a fucking good waffle. But there are other options... in fact, there's something for everyone!
Yes, waffles. A timeless American tradition.
WA-WA-WA-WAFFLES, EAT ONE TODAY!
This has been a presentation of the National Waffle Council.