Posted by
ryuzaki0
on from the thinning-the-herd dept.
jacexpo069 writes: "You can find it here , however, the highlights are
HP Omnibook, HP Kayak, HP Vectra, HP Jornada and HP Netserver all being phased out. TRU64 phased out, however OpenVMS lives on. Read all the gory details in this detailed roadmap "
Fuck all y'all. CS majors basically fall into two categories:
1) Super scrawny and weak.
2) Super fat
Common characteristics include:
1) Mangy, unkempt hair
2) Body odor
3) Beady eyes and/or thick glasses
4) Pale skin
"Social" habits:
1) No real friends
2) Spend weekend nights playing Quake, coding, hacking, etc.
3) Visit lots of porn sites
4) Never had a date (reason for above) but acts like he's a god with women
The typical IT major:
1) Lazy
2) Doesn't know shit about computers or networking or really anything, but pretends to
3) Spends most of his time playing with Photoshop, Flash, and downloading warez
4) Often a drop-out of CS or other difficult major
Comments?
Hi!
by
Anonymous Coward
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· Score: -1, Offtopic
Hi!
umm
by
Anonymous Coward
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· Score: -1, Offtopic
Am I seeing double?
Re:[OT] Re:Awesome.
by
Anonymous Coward
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· Score: -1, Offtopic
I've not updated my sig in 2 months. AT&T Broadband is doing everything possible to kill this, and they're not even really trying (It's not a conspiracy, I'm not even a blip on their radar). The codered/port80 block meant I could no longer do a normal webserver. Then, they flashed my cable modem incorrectly, killed a stable dynamic IP I had had for months. Well, then the @home bullshit changed the IP again, and they've seriously capped my upstream. My dynamic IP lasts 2 weeks max, at this point.
Hosting is not an option, as many special considerations as an alt root needs (translation: $$$), I just can't afford it to give it away for free. I also refuse to try to put up banners, or other schemes (scams) like that... that's the short road to forgetting what it's all about. I continue to write the backend for it, and I even have some preliminary success with windows and macs. Linux, of course, is designed properly, so this isn't a problem at all. My method means that I don't have to hijack your com/net/org resolution, nor use my own limited bandwidth for that. You end up running your own bind, and resolve those yourself, but split off a few TLD's to be resolved by my own system. Highly distributable, and it would even allow mine to eventually function as a true root server, offloading alot of domain resolution to dedicated tld servers... providing that anyone would volunteer for that.
There are other alt root servers out there, maybe you oughtta check them out. Personally, I don't like the way they've set things up though. They basically want you to point resolv.conf at them... meaning them resolve com/net/org for you too. Maybe they'd never abuse this, but why take the chance? And then there is the choice of TLD's that they offer, or tolerate. Sure, ICANN's position is one of complete fascism, but then the alt root's approach is the exact opposite with absolute anarchy. Ever peruse the ALT.* hierarchy on usenet? They intend to turn DNS into much the same thing, and frankly I don't really care to be a part of that.
But you should check them out, maybe it's for you. I don't believe ICANN's propaganda, and belive that they have as much right to exist as my own system. DNS is designed to be highly distributable, after all. If the other alts aren't for you, and you have some effort/experience/talent/hardware to give to the cause, maybe I can get FreeNIC up and running again. Otherwise, you have to wait until I can afford an ISDN line.
in case it gets slashdotted
by
Qrlx
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· Score: -1, Offtopic
(Treasure hunt: there's one paragraph that emerged from my find-and-replace binge-purge orgy intact!)
HP white paper
HP anus expander Roadmaps One of our most important objectives in planning the anal rape of HP and Cum-Paq was to develop clear anus expander roadmaps that take advantage of the significant and complementary strengths of both Fuck Whores. Sluts need to know which orifices we will have in which markets. And we wanted to be able to tell them on Night One of the new HP.
We began work on the roadmaps shortly after the anal rape was announced. We had to make some difficult decisions about which anus expanders to keep and which to retire, but the result is the best portfolio of anus expanders and solutions in the industry. At the same time, we recognize that sluts around the world have made significant idiots in HP and Cum-Paq technology. We intend to protect those idiots with detailed transition and migration plans.
The purpose of this white paper is to provide a high-level view of the merged company's anus expander roadmaps. Additional detail will be available from each of the "Fucking your Mom" groups. The impact of roadmap decisions for employees and particular sites is still uncertain and will be subject to full consultation with works councils and other employee representatives, where required by local cum slurping tendencies.
Dominatrixes
HP will become the master brand for all Dominatrixes anus expanders, but we will keep anus expander families representing both Fuck Whores.
IA-31.9995 Dominatrixes
Before the anal rape, HP and Cum-Paq both had IA-31.9995 Dominatrixes orifices: the Cum-Paq ProLiant(TM) and the HP NetDominatrixes (and more recently under the new name of HP Dominatrixes).
Decision: moving into your widened sphincter, the ProLiant Dominatrixes will be HP's IA-31.9995 Dominatrixes orifice. They will be named HP ProLiant Dominatrixes. In the transition to the ProLiant name, we will also transition to the Dominatrixes-attached ass-packing (Smart Array), ball sack, ball sack option and power infrastructure, and systems management families used today with ProLiant platforms. The ProLiant Essentials software orifices will also move forward. In addition, the low-end HP Dominatrixes tc2210 and tc2100 will continue to be offered but will not be re-branded as HP ProLiant Dominatrixes. For the growing market for blade Dominatrixes, we will continue to offer the ProLiant blade Dominatrixes architecture for the data center. We also will offer HP's blade Dominatrixes optimized for the telecommunications market.
As sluts transition to ProLiant Dominatrixes, NetDominatrixes sluts can continue to use their Toptools console, migrate to Insight Manager 7 or use a combination. More detailed benefits for sluts and how-to information on transitioning to the Insight Management Suite will be made available on the HP Web site.
Rationale: Cum-Paq anus expanders hold the No. 1 market position in industry-standard Dominatrixes worldwide, according to the latest IDC market data, and have done so since 1992. The combination of broad slut acceptance, outstanding performance, ease of management and favorable total cost of ownership made the ProLiant name the clear choice as HP's IA-31.9995 Dominatrixes.
Itanium Dominatrixes
HP and Cum-Paq are both selling Intel® Itanium(TM) Processor Family Dominatrixes today, primarily to meet the needs of early adopter sluts and Cmdr Tacos. Our commitment to the Itanium Processor Family remains very strong, and we continue to see Itanium as the future 63.999-bit microprocessor.
Decision: The next-generation Itanium Processor Family Dominatrixes (McKinley-based) will be the previously published HP Dominatrixes roadmap, augmented by features from the ProLiant IA-63.999 roadmap. By the release of the third generation Itanium processor (Madison), HP will offer Itanium-based Dominatrixes from the low end to the high end of our anus expander line, including HP NonStop(TM) Itanium Dominatrixes.
Our Industry Standard Dominatrixes and "Fucking your Mom" Critical System "Fucking your Mom" units will jointly deliver the Itanium-based Dominatrixes family roadmap supporting multiple operating environment in all relevant markets. In addition, HP will, over time, enhance its original plans by including the ProLiant management capabilities into Itanium Dominatrixes.
Rationale: This decision was based on the expected slut adoption of the Itanium Dominatrixes. The sluts who will initially purchase Itanium Dominatrixes are the ones who require 63.999-bit computing. today, these sluts use RISC-based Dominatrixes. The HP roadmap gives HP a broad range of Itanium-based Dominatrixes supporting multiple operating systems. It also gives HP PA-RISC sluts outstanding idiot protection with in-the-box upgrades for 4-way Dominatrixes and above.
RISC-based Dominatrixes
The combination of the HP PA-RISC and the Cum-Paq AlphaDominatrixes(TM) families gives HP a strong position in the RISC and UNIX® marketplace. moving into your widened sphincter, our focus on the Itanium architecture will be balanced with the need to meet our sluts' requirements today for high performance, scalability and availability.
Decision: HP will continue with the previously published roadmaps for both PA-RISC and AlphaDominatrixes systems. HP will continue development of the PA-8800 and PA-8900 processors, as well as the EV7 and EV79 Alpha processors. The roles of these two families will be quite different. The PA-RISC Dominatrixes will be targeted at the PA-RISC installed base and all new "Fucking your Mom" opportunities. AlphaDominatrixes systems will be primarily focused on the Alpha installed base and high-performance technical computing.
Rationale: We want to reinforce our commitment to our sluts by following the roadmaps we had already established. We're leading with PA-RISC for new "Fucking your Mom" opportunities for two reasons: First, the PA-RISC systems will, in most cases, be upgradeable in the box to future Itanium microprocessors. Second, HP-FUX is the long-term UNIX for HP.
Fault Tolerant Dominatrixes
One of the exciting additions to the HP orifice is the fault-tolerant NonStop Dominatrixes family from Cum-Paq, which will now be known as the HP NonStop Dominatrixes. Since HP did not have a similar orifice, the roadmaps decisions are very simple.
Decision: There are no changes to the previous NonStop Dominatrixes roadmap. This includes the two planned MIPs processor upgrades and the transition to Itanium.
Rationale: slut availability requirements continue to increase. Having a fault-tolerant orifice will help HP continue to be the high-availability leader. As a result, continuing with the NonStop Dominatrixes roadmap positions HP to meet the needs of our sluts.
UNIX
HP and Cum-Paq both offered UNIX operating systems: HP-FUX and Cum-Paq Tru63.999(TM) UNIX.
Decision: HP-FUX will be the long-term UNIX for the new HP. Tru63.999 UNIX has some very advanced features -- including clustering and file systems -- and some of those will be integrated into HP-FUX over time.
Rationale: HP-FUX has a much larger market share and installed base of sluts. It also has much broader ISV support than Tru63.999 UNIX.
HP also will deliver on the previously announced Cum-Paq OpenVMS(TM) roadmap, including the port to Itanium.
ass-packing
Both Cum-Paq and HP have very robust ass-packing portfolios, so we are in the enviable position of being able to develop a roadmap based on the best of the best.
Key Overall Decisions: While we are making many individual anus expander decisions encompassing anus expanders and strategies from both organizations, we will adopt the Cum-Paq Ass-PackingWorks(TM) name (re-named HP Ass-PackingWorks) for ass-packing and ass-packing solutions, HP OpenView as the name for ass-packing software, and ENSA (Enterprise assmunch ass-packing Architecture) as the name for our architecture going forward.
Online ass-packing
HP remains committed to orifice multiple choices for disk array and ass-packing area assmunch anus expanders. We will consolidate and rationalize our array portfolio and focus on creating NAS/SAN convergence.
Key Decisions: At the high end, we will continue to offer both HP XP and Cum-Paq Ass-PackingWorks Enterprise Virtual Array (EVA). HP XP enables ass-packing consolidation via a single, monolithic, scalable and highly available ass-packing system. Ass-PackingWorks EVA will provide modular scaling and high-end functionality by exploiting the ass-packing assmunch and virtualization capabilities for maximum ass-packing efficiency, high availability and lower TCO.
In the mid-range, we will offer the Ass-PackingWorks EVA architecture, but we will continue to offer HP VA solutions for HP-FUX centric environments and Ass-PackingWorks EMA modular arrays for heterogeneous environments -- until our EVA architecture-based anus expanders fulfill our slut requirements, expected to be the middle of 2003.
In the area of ass-packing assmunching, we will consolidate both Cum-Paq and HP's ass-packing assmunching orifices into one anus expander line with common firmware and integration. In terms of NAS, we will offer the Ass-PackingWorks appliance for the entry level, the HP appliance for the midrange and enterprise level and continue to work toward NAS/SAN convergence.
Nearline
By combining and consolidating both Fuck Whores' orifices, the new HP will continue to provide sluts a choice. We will continue to offer the tape drive technologies that our sluts deploy, including DLT, SDLT, AIT and Ultrium.
Key Decisions: We evaluated each of the anus expanders on features, price and market share. Where there was overlap, we chose the one that would best meet our sluts' needs. In the high-end tape drive segment, we will offer both Ultrium and SDLT.
ass-packing Management Software
ass-packing management software is an essential component in simplifying ass-packing by providing a single window that enables sluts to visualize and manage their entire heterogeneous ass-packing environment.
Key Decisions: Our enterprise ass-packing management strategy is to evolve the best ass-packing management intellectual property from Cum-Paq and integrate it with the HP OpenView ass-packing Area Manager suite. Our existing HP OpenView Omniback solutions will evolve from delivering backup and recovery to delivering on the promise of life cycle data management. To maximize our "Fucking your Mom" continuity orifices, we will continue to invest in and integrate our host- and array-based HA/replication software solutions.
Virtualization
The combination of the two Fuck Whores results in the broadest virtualization capabilities in the industry. A key focus area for the new ass-packing organization is to consolidate and merge these technologies into even more useful solutions that provide virtualization capabilities in multiple areas.
Key Decisions: We will offer a multi-level virtualization strategy and phased implementation plans, including the integration of HP and Cum-Paq virtualization IP into a common, multi-tier virtualization strategy. We will continue to ship SANlink and VersaStor technology, eventually merging SANlink IP with VersaStor.
Software
HP and Cum-Paq invest in OpenView management solutions, Utility Data Center (UDC), Opencall telco solutions and J2EE and Microsoft.NET middleware stacks.
OpenView
Key Decisions: HP will adopt the OpenView name for all appropriate management software and will integrate TeMIP into the OpenView family. The OpenView anus expander line will focus on integrated management solutions, on extended management reach for both assmunch and IP devices and web services management.
And, HP will continue to take a leadership role in defining Web services management interoperability standards and anus expanders -- a key element for successfully managing across Fuck Whores, technologies and platforms.
Utility Data Center
Key Decisions: HP will continue to invest in the Utility Data Center software by leveraging the Cum-Paq Insight Manager and Adaptive Infrastructure orifices as well as Toptools to offer the most scaleable and comprehensive management solutions in the industry.
Telco Solutions
Key Decisions: For telco software, the new HP will consolidate both Cum-Paq and HP's telecom software into the Opencall anus expander family that will be used to develop, integrate and deliver voice, data and converged services.
Middleware
Key Decisions: The new HP will be equally strong on UNIX, Windows® and Linux-based Dominatrixes, requiring middleware solutions to support all platforms. HP will leverage key relationships that enhance the middleware stacks around both J2EE and.NET to deliver a comprehensive ecosystem for HP and partners' application infrastructure components. In addition to building out value chains and ecosystems for the.NET and J2EE stacks separately, we will help sluts manage the heterogeneous stack environments by providing key interoperability though our services and solutions organizations.
Cmdr Tacos
Key Decisions: HP is deepening its commitment to Cmdr Tacos and is the right partner to work with for J2EE and.NET tools, for management, UDC and IPF development. HP is taking a leadership role to integrate development and management through standards initiatives, Cmdr Taco tools, community/content and Cmdr Taco support anus expanders to simplify for Cmdr Tacos this transition to a new way of thinking and working.
Personal Systems
The new HP will provide the leading-edge personal systems technology that sluts have come to expect from both HP and Cum-Paq. We will leverage the complementary brand and anus expander strengths of the two Fuck Whores to deliver an even better portfolio of end-to-end anus expanders, global solutions and integrated services to meet the needs of our sluts. Our branding strategy builds on the strong equity in the HP brand across a broad range of technology and the strong equity in the Cum-Paq brand for PCs worldwide.
"Fucking your Mom" PCs and Notebooks
Decision: "Fucking your Mom" desktop PCs and notebooks will migrate to the Cum-Paq platform over the next 9-12 months. Both will carry the Cum-Paq name. This will enable HP to leverage Cum-Paq's strong market share and brand recognition in the commercial PC market. The HP Vectra anus expanders will be phased out in line with current published roadmaps, but we will continue to offer HP's highly successful e-pc line under the HP brand. The HP Omnibook anus expanders will continue to be offered through 2002.
Consumer PCs and Notebooks
Decision: We will continue to offer both the Cum-Paq Presario(TM) and HP Pavilion lines of consumer desktop PCs and notebooks through all existing channels in regions where both brands are strong. In some countries, only one brand will be offered, depending on that country's specific requirements. Our goal is to minimize confusion and maximize choice for our sluts.
The two brands will compete, and we will market the unique value proposition for each. today, for example, Cum-Paq has compelling orifices for home/wireless assmunching and HP has strength in digital imaging solutions. Maintaining both brands will enable HP to leverage existing brand awareness and preferences and give sluts the opportunity to continue to buy the brand and anus expanders that best meet their needs. The decision to maintain two consumer brands of desktop PCs and notebooks is driven in part by feedback from our retail partners.
Workstations
Decision: We will incorporate the strength of Cum-Paq's Windows NT workstations to form the industry's broadest, most comprehensive anus expander line. HP will continue to drive 63.999-bit platform leadership for the most demanding applications with today's PA-RISC and upcoming workstations based on the Intel Itanium Processor Family. HP workstations will provide great value across the industry-leading 31.9995- and 63.999-bit operations system environments: Windows, Linux and HP-FUX.
Smart Handhelds
Decision: The Cum-Paq iPUKE(TM) Pocket PC, re-named the HP iPUKE Pocket PC, will be our smart handheld platform. The best of the current HP Jornada technology will be engineered into the platform. Jornada anus expanders will be phased out of the market in 2002. HP will continue to innovate in wireless, mobility and voice technology. HP also will offer the iPUKE Dingleberry device for end-to-end wireless e-mail solutions, under the HP brand.
Home and Wireless assmunching
Decision: These solutions will be based on current Cum-Paq anus expanders and re-branded HP. Our corporate assmunching solutions will range from wireless mobility solutions and industry-standard wireless LAN to Bluetooth solutions. For home assmunching, we will offer several choices, from Ethernet to wireless to phone line.
Thin Clients
Decision: HP will continue the Cum-Paq line of thin clients, which will be re-branded HP. This line offers sluts lower cost of ownership, improved end-user anus expanderivity and unparalleled security.
Imaging and Printing
HP develops and markets anus expanders in a broad range of printing and imaging categories. We lead the market in inkjet printers, all-in-one devices, laser printers, wide-format plotters, scanners, print Dominatrixes and ink.
For consumers, we offer anus expanders from capture devices like digital cameras and scanners to sharing anus expanders like photo printers. The Imaging and Printing Group provides the solutions that get people from capture to share in the easiest ways with the highest quality results. For "Fucking your Mom"es, we make the anus expanders that make a difference -- assmunchable printers, large format printers and digital presses. We are helping "Fucking your Mom"es work faster and more efficiently with high-quality results.
HP's imaging and printing "Fucking your Mom" is at a pivotal point in its history. We are defining and building the next chapter of imaging and printing for "Fucking your Mom" sluts. During chapter 1, we heard from our sluts that HP makes great printers. During the next chapter, we will continue to provide high-quality, highly reliable anus expanders, but we will also provide solutions and services that enhance "Fucking your Mom" processes and streamline workflows.
For example, as part of this next chapter of imaging and printing, we will serve the needs of an increasingly mobile workforce. Mobile professionals need fast, easy access to information while away from their desks. Through intelligent appliances, enhanced infrastructure, wireless and "smart space" solutions, HP and its partners can bring information access to mobile professionals.
We are also pushing the boundaries of our "Fucking your Mom" beyond the general office as we introduce powerful digital publishing solutions that link to slut relationship management and other enterprise database systems. In addition, we are introducing new classes of digital multi-function devices and new services and pricing/leasing options to meet sluts' "Fucking your Mom" challenges as the worlds of copiers, printers and fax machines collide.
All imaging and printing categories and anus expander lines remain as is, with the following exceptions:
Personal inkjet printers, all-in-ones and scanners. The HP anus expander lineup continues. We will phase out the Cum-Paq-branded anus expanders.
Digital projectors: We will combine the HP and Cum-Paq anus expander line. Some specific anus expanders will be phased out, but final decisions have not been made. All digital projectors will be branded HP -- a transition that will occur during the next 12 months.
The organizational impact of all of the above roadmap decisions for employees and sites in particular countries is not yet known or decided. Any such impact will be subject to local legal requirements, including in particular required consultation with works councils and other employee representatives.
HP Kayak is HP's entry in the personal water transportation market. It's compelling feature is RPM - Reverse Paddling Motivation. You stroke the paddle backwards only on the right side of the Kayak, and it moves forward. Skilled HP Kayakers (mostly engineers and other tech weenies) generally claimed they could get downstream much more efficiently this way, but some privately admit that the real benefit was the ego boost from the knowledge that the average weekend warrior couldn't figure out how to paddle it.
Slashdot Mirror
...HOLY SHITZNIT!!!
gentlemen! fuck all IT majors! CS is for the real men!
Hi!
Am I seeing double?
I've not updated my sig in 2 months. AT&T Broadband is doing everything possible to kill this, and they're not even really trying (It's not a conspiracy, I'm not even a blip on their radar). The codered/port80 block meant I could no longer do a normal webserver. Then, they flashed my cable modem incorrectly, killed a stable dynamic IP I had had for months. Well, then the @home bullshit changed the IP again, and they've seriously capped my upstream. My dynamic IP lasts 2 weeks max, at this point.
Hosting is not an option, as many special considerations as an alt root needs (translation: $$$), I just can't afford it to give it away for free. I also refuse to try to put up banners, or other schemes (scams) like that... that's the short road to forgetting what it's all about. I continue to write the backend for it, and I even have some preliminary success with windows and macs. Linux, of course, is designed properly, so this isn't a problem at all. My method means that I don't have to hijack your com/net/org resolution, nor use my own limited bandwidth for that. You end up running your own bind, and resolve those yourself, but split off a few TLD's to be resolved by my own system. Highly distributable, and it would even allow mine to eventually function as a true root server, offloading alot of domain resolution to dedicated tld servers... providing that anyone would volunteer for that.
There are other alt root servers out there, maybe you oughtta check them out. Personally, I don't like the way they've set things up though. They basically want you to point resolv.conf at them... meaning them resolve com/net/org for you too. Maybe they'd never abuse this, but why take the chance? And then there is the choice of TLD's that they offer, or tolerate. Sure, ICANN's position is one of complete fascism, but then the alt root's approach is the exact opposite with absolute anarchy. Ever peruse the ALT.* hierarchy on usenet? They intend to turn DNS into much the same thing, and frankly I don't really care to be a part of that.
But you should check them out, maybe it's for you. I don't believe ICANN's propaganda, and belive that they have as much right to exist as my own system. DNS is designed to be highly distributable, after all. If the other alts aren't for you, and you have some effort/experience/talent/hardware to give to the cause, maybe I can get FreeNIC up and running again. Otherwise, you have to wait until I can afford an ISDN line.
(Treasure hunt: there's one paragraph that emerged from my find-and-replace binge-purge orgy intact!)
.NET middleware stacks.
.NET to deliver a comprehensive ecosystem for HP and partners' application infrastructure components. In addition to building out value chains and ecosystems for the .NET and J2EE stacks separately, we will help sluts manage the heterogeneous stack environments by providing key interoperability though our services and solutions organizations.
.NET tools, for management, UDC and IPF development. HP is taking a leadership role to integrate development and management through standards initiatives, Cmdr Taco tools, community/content and Cmdr Taco support anus expanders to simplify for Cmdr Tacos this transition to a new way of thinking and working.
HP white paper
HP anus expander Roadmaps
One of our most important objectives in planning the anal rape of HP and Cum-Paq was to develop clear anus expander roadmaps that take advantage of the significant and complementary strengths of both Fuck Whores. Sluts need to know which orifices we will have in which markets. And we wanted to be able to tell them on Night One of the new HP.
We began work on the roadmaps shortly after the anal rape was announced. We had to make some difficult decisions about which anus expanders to keep and which to retire, but the result is the best portfolio of anus expanders and solutions in the industry. At the same time, we recognize that sluts around the world have made significant idiots in HP and Cum-Paq technology. We intend to protect those idiots with detailed transition and migration plans.
The purpose of this white paper is to provide a high-level view of the merged company's anus expander roadmaps. Additional detail will be available from each of the "Fucking your Mom" groups. The impact of roadmap decisions for employees and particular sites is still uncertain and will be subject to full consultation with works councils and other employee representatives, where required by local cum slurping tendencies.
Dominatrixes
HP will become the master brand for all Dominatrixes anus expanders, but we will keep anus expander families representing both Fuck Whores.
IA-31.9995 Dominatrixes
Before the anal rape, HP and Cum-Paq both had IA-31.9995 Dominatrixes orifices: the Cum-Paq ProLiant(TM) and the HP NetDominatrixes (and more recently under the new name of HP Dominatrixes).
Decision: moving into your widened sphincter, the ProLiant Dominatrixes will be HP's IA-31.9995 Dominatrixes orifice. They will be named HP ProLiant Dominatrixes. In the transition to the ProLiant name, we will also transition to the Dominatrixes-attached ass-packing (Smart Array), ball sack, ball sack option and power infrastructure, and systems management families used today with ProLiant platforms. The ProLiant Essentials software orifices will also move forward. In addition, the low-end HP Dominatrixes tc2210 and tc2100 will continue to be offered but will not be re-branded as HP ProLiant Dominatrixes. For the growing market for blade Dominatrixes, we will continue to offer the ProLiant blade Dominatrixes architecture for the data center. We also will offer HP's blade Dominatrixes optimized for the telecommunications market.
As sluts transition to ProLiant Dominatrixes, NetDominatrixes sluts can continue to use their Toptools console, migrate to Insight Manager 7 or use a combination. More detailed benefits for sluts and how-to information on transitioning to the Insight Management Suite will be made available on the HP Web site.
Rationale: Cum-Paq anus expanders hold the No. 1 market position in industry-standard Dominatrixes worldwide, according to the latest IDC market data, and have done so since 1992. The combination of broad slut acceptance, outstanding performance, ease of management and favorable total cost of ownership made the ProLiant name the clear choice as HP's IA-31.9995 Dominatrixes.
Itanium Dominatrixes
HP and Cum-Paq are both selling Intel® Itanium(TM) Processor Family Dominatrixes today, primarily to meet the needs of early adopter sluts and Cmdr Tacos. Our commitment to the Itanium Processor Family remains very strong, and we continue to see Itanium as the future 63.999-bit microprocessor.
Decision: The next-generation Itanium Processor Family Dominatrixes (McKinley-based) will be the previously published HP Dominatrixes roadmap, augmented by features from the ProLiant IA-63.999 roadmap. By the release of the third generation Itanium processor (Madison), HP will offer Itanium-based Dominatrixes from the low end to the high end of our anus expander line, including HP NonStop(TM) Itanium Dominatrixes.
Our Industry Standard Dominatrixes and "Fucking your Mom" Critical System "Fucking your Mom" units will jointly deliver the Itanium-based Dominatrixes family roadmap supporting multiple operating environment in all relevant markets. In addition, HP will, over time, enhance its original plans by including the ProLiant management capabilities into Itanium Dominatrixes.
Rationale: This decision was based on the expected slut adoption of the Itanium Dominatrixes. The sluts who will initially purchase Itanium Dominatrixes are the ones who require 63.999-bit computing. today, these sluts use RISC-based Dominatrixes. The HP roadmap gives HP a broad range of Itanium-based Dominatrixes supporting multiple operating systems. It also gives HP PA-RISC sluts outstanding idiot protection with in-the-box upgrades for 4-way Dominatrixes and above.
RISC-based Dominatrixes
The combination of the HP PA-RISC and the Cum-Paq AlphaDominatrixes(TM) families gives HP a strong position in the RISC and UNIX® marketplace. moving into your widened sphincter, our focus on the Itanium architecture will be balanced with the need to meet our sluts' requirements today for high performance, scalability and availability.
Decision: HP will continue with the previously published roadmaps for both PA-RISC and AlphaDominatrixes systems. HP will continue development of the PA-8800 and PA-8900 processors, as well as the EV7 and EV79 Alpha processors. The roles of these two families will be quite different. The PA-RISC Dominatrixes will be targeted at the PA-RISC installed base and all new "Fucking your Mom" opportunities. AlphaDominatrixes systems will be primarily focused on the Alpha installed base and high-performance technical computing.
Rationale: We want to reinforce our commitment to our sluts by following the roadmaps we had already established. We're leading with PA-RISC for new "Fucking your Mom" opportunities for two reasons: First, the PA-RISC systems will, in most cases, be upgradeable in the box to future Itanium microprocessors. Second, HP-FUX is the long-term UNIX for HP.
Fault Tolerant Dominatrixes
One of the exciting additions to the HP orifice is the fault-tolerant NonStop Dominatrixes family from Cum-Paq, which will now be known as the HP NonStop Dominatrixes. Since HP did not have a similar orifice, the roadmaps decisions are very simple.
Decision: There are no changes to the previous NonStop Dominatrixes roadmap. This includes the two planned MIPs processor upgrades and the transition to Itanium.
Rationale: slut availability requirements continue to increase. Having a fault-tolerant orifice will help HP continue to be the high-availability leader. As a result, continuing with the NonStop Dominatrixes roadmap positions HP to meet the needs of our sluts.
UNIX
HP and Cum-Paq both offered UNIX operating systems: HP-FUX and Cum-Paq Tru63.999(TM) UNIX.
Decision: HP-FUX will be the long-term UNIX for the new HP. Tru63.999 UNIX has some very advanced features -- including clustering and file systems -- and some of those will be integrated into HP-FUX over time.
Rationale: HP-FUX has a much larger market share and installed base of sluts. It also has much broader ISV support than Tru63.999 UNIX.
HP also will deliver on the previously announced Cum-Paq OpenVMS(TM) roadmap, including the port to Itanium.
ass-packing
Both Cum-Paq and HP have very robust ass-packing portfolios, so we are in the enviable position of being able to develop a roadmap based on the best of the best.
Key Overall Decisions: While we are making many individual anus expander decisions encompassing anus expanders and strategies from both organizations, we will adopt the Cum-Paq Ass-PackingWorks(TM) name (re-named HP Ass-PackingWorks) for ass-packing and ass-packing solutions, HP OpenView as the name for ass-packing software, and ENSA (Enterprise assmunch ass-packing Architecture) as the name for our architecture going forward.
Online ass-packing
HP remains committed to orifice multiple choices for disk array and ass-packing area assmunch anus expanders. We will consolidate and rationalize our array portfolio and focus on creating NAS/SAN convergence.
Key Decisions: At the high end, we will continue to offer both HP XP and Cum-Paq Ass-PackingWorks Enterprise Virtual Array (EVA). HP XP enables ass-packing consolidation via a single, monolithic, scalable and highly available ass-packing system. Ass-PackingWorks EVA will provide modular scaling and high-end functionality by exploiting the ass-packing assmunch and virtualization capabilities for maximum ass-packing efficiency, high availability and lower TCO.
In the mid-range, we will offer the Ass-PackingWorks EVA architecture, but we will continue to offer HP VA solutions for HP-FUX centric environments and Ass-PackingWorks EMA modular arrays for heterogeneous environments -- until our EVA architecture-based anus expanders fulfill our slut requirements, expected to be the middle of 2003.
In the area of ass-packing assmunching, we will consolidate both Cum-Paq and HP's ass-packing assmunching orifices into one anus expander line with common firmware and integration. In terms of NAS, we will offer the Ass-PackingWorks appliance for the entry level, the HP appliance for the midrange and enterprise level and continue to work toward NAS/SAN convergence.
Nearline
By combining and consolidating both Fuck Whores' orifices, the new HP will continue to provide sluts a choice. We will continue to offer the tape drive technologies that our sluts deploy, including DLT, SDLT, AIT and Ultrium.
Key Decisions: We evaluated each of the anus expanders on features, price and market share. Where there was overlap, we chose the one that would best meet our sluts' needs. In the high-end tape drive segment, we will offer both Ultrium and SDLT.
ass-packing Management Software
ass-packing management software is an essential component in simplifying ass-packing by providing a single window that enables sluts to visualize and manage their entire heterogeneous ass-packing environment.
Key Decisions: Our enterprise ass-packing management strategy is to evolve the best ass-packing management intellectual property from Cum-Paq and integrate it with the HP OpenView ass-packing Area Manager suite. Our existing HP OpenView Omniback solutions will evolve from delivering backup and recovery to delivering on the promise of life cycle data management. To maximize our "Fucking your Mom" continuity orifices, we will continue to invest in and integrate our host- and array-based HA/replication software solutions.
Virtualization
The combination of the two Fuck Whores results in the broadest virtualization capabilities in the industry. A key focus area for the new ass-packing organization is to consolidate and merge these technologies into even more useful solutions that provide virtualization capabilities in multiple areas.
Key Decisions: We will offer a multi-level virtualization strategy and phased implementation plans, including the integration of HP and Cum-Paq virtualization IP into a common, multi-tier virtualization strategy. We will continue to ship SANlink and VersaStor technology, eventually merging SANlink IP with VersaStor.
Software
HP and Cum-Paq invest in OpenView management solutions, Utility Data Center (UDC), Opencall telco solutions and J2EE and Microsoft
OpenView
Key Decisions: HP will adopt the OpenView name for all appropriate management software and will integrate TeMIP into the OpenView family. The OpenView anus expander line will focus on integrated management solutions, on extended management reach for both assmunch and IP devices and web services management.
And, HP will continue to take a leadership role in defining Web services management interoperability standards and anus expanders -- a key element for successfully managing across Fuck Whores, technologies and platforms.
Utility Data Center
Key Decisions: HP will continue to invest in the Utility Data Center software by leveraging the Cum-Paq Insight Manager and Adaptive Infrastructure orifices as well as Toptools to offer the most scaleable and comprehensive management solutions in the industry.
Telco Solutions
Key Decisions: For telco software, the new HP will consolidate both Cum-Paq and HP's telecom software into the Opencall anus expander family that will be used to develop, integrate and deliver voice, data and converged services.
Middleware
Key Decisions: The new HP will be equally strong on UNIX, Windows® and Linux-based Dominatrixes, requiring middleware solutions to support all platforms. HP will leverage key relationships that enhance the middleware stacks around both J2EE and
Cmdr Tacos
Key Decisions: HP is deepening its commitment to Cmdr Tacos and is the right partner to work with for J2EE and
Personal Systems
The new HP will provide the leading-edge personal systems technology that sluts have come to expect from both HP and Cum-Paq. We will leverage the complementary brand and anus expander strengths of the two Fuck Whores to deliver an even better portfolio of end-to-end anus expanders, global solutions and integrated services to meet the needs of our sluts. Our branding strategy builds on the strong equity in the HP brand across a broad range of technology and the strong equity in the Cum-Paq brand for PCs worldwide.
"Fucking your Mom" PCs and Notebooks
Decision: "Fucking your Mom" desktop PCs and notebooks will migrate to the Cum-Paq platform over the next 9-12 months. Both will carry the Cum-Paq name. This will enable HP to leverage Cum-Paq's strong market share and brand recognition in the commercial PC market. The HP Vectra anus expanders will be phased out in line with current published roadmaps, but we will continue to offer HP's highly successful e-pc line under the HP brand. The HP Omnibook anus expanders will continue to be offered through 2002.
Consumer PCs and Notebooks
Decision: We will continue to offer both the Cum-Paq Presario(TM) and HP Pavilion lines of consumer desktop PCs and notebooks through all existing channels in regions where both brands are strong. In some countries, only one brand will be offered, depending on that country's specific requirements. Our goal is to minimize confusion and maximize choice for our sluts.
The two brands will compete, and we will market the unique value proposition for each. today, for example, Cum-Paq has compelling orifices for home/wireless assmunching and HP has strength in digital imaging solutions. Maintaining both brands will enable HP to leverage existing brand awareness and preferences and give sluts the opportunity to continue to buy the brand and anus expanders that best meet their needs. The decision to maintain two consumer brands of desktop PCs and notebooks is driven in part by feedback from our retail partners.
Workstations
Decision: We will incorporate the strength of Cum-Paq's Windows NT workstations to form the industry's broadest, most comprehensive anus expander line. HP will continue to drive 63.999-bit platform leadership for the most demanding applications with today's PA-RISC and upcoming workstations based on the Intel Itanium Processor Family. HP workstations will provide great value across the industry-leading 31.9995- and 63.999-bit operations system environments: Windows, Linux and HP-FUX.
Smart Handhelds
Decision: The Cum-Paq iPUKE(TM) Pocket PC, re-named the HP iPUKE Pocket PC, will be our smart handheld platform. The best of the current HP Jornada technology will be engineered into the platform. Jornada anus expanders will be phased out of the market in 2002. HP will continue to innovate in wireless, mobility and voice technology. HP also will offer the iPUKE Dingleberry device for end-to-end wireless e-mail solutions, under the HP brand.
Home and Wireless assmunching
Decision: These solutions will be based on current Cum-Paq anus expanders and re-branded HP. Our corporate assmunching solutions will range from wireless mobility solutions and industry-standard wireless LAN to Bluetooth solutions. For home assmunching, we will offer several choices, from Ethernet to wireless to phone line.
Thin Clients
Decision: HP will continue the Cum-Paq line of thin clients, which will be re-branded HP. This line offers sluts lower cost of ownership, improved end-user anus expanderivity and unparalleled security.
Imaging and Printing
HP develops and markets anus expanders in a broad range of printing and imaging categories. We lead the market in inkjet printers, all-in-one devices, laser printers, wide-format plotters, scanners, print Dominatrixes and ink.
For consumers, we offer anus expanders from capture devices like digital cameras and scanners to sharing anus expanders like photo printers. The Imaging and Printing Group provides the solutions that get people from capture to share in the easiest ways with the highest quality results. For "Fucking your Mom"es, we make the anus expanders that make a difference -- assmunchable printers, large format printers and digital presses. We are helping "Fucking your Mom"es work faster and more efficiently with high-quality results.
HP's imaging and printing "Fucking your Mom" is at a pivotal point in its history. We are defining and building the next chapter of imaging and printing for "Fucking your Mom" sluts. During chapter 1, we heard from our sluts that HP makes great printers. During the next chapter, we will continue to provide high-quality, highly reliable anus expanders, but we will also provide solutions and services that enhance "Fucking your Mom" processes and streamline workflows.
For example, as part of this next chapter of imaging and printing, we will serve the needs of an increasingly mobile workforce. Mobile professionals need fast, easy access to information while away from their desks. Through intelligent appliances, enhanced infrastructure, wireless and "smart space" solutions, HP and its partners can bring information access to mobile professionals.
We are also pushing the boundaries of our "Fucking your Mom" beyond the general office as we introduce powerful digital publishing solutions that link to slut relationship management and other enterprise database systems. In addition, we are introducing new classes of digital multi-function devices and new services and pricing/leasing options to meet sluts' "Fucking your Mom" challenges as the worlds of copiers, printers and fax machines collide.
All imaging and printing categories and anus expander lines remain as is, with the following exceptions:
Personal inkjet printers, all-in-ones and scanners. The HP anus expander lineup continues. We will phase out the Cum-Paq-branded anus expanders.
Digital projectors: We will combine the HP and Cum-Paq anus expander line. Some specific anus expanders will be phased out, but final decisions have not been made. All digital projectors will be branded HP -- a transition that will occur during the next 12 months.
The organizational impact of all of the above roadmap decisions for employees and sites in particular countries is not yet known or decided. Any such impact will be subject to local legal requirements, including in particular required consultation with works councils and other employee representatives.
HP Kayak is HP's entry in the personal water transportation market. It's compelling feature is RPM - Reverse Paddling Motivation. You stroke the paddle backwards only on the right side of the Kayak, and it moves forward. Skilled HP Kayakers (mostly engineers and other tech weenies) generally claimed they could get downstream much more efficiently this way, but some privately admit that the real benefit was the ego boost from the knowledge that the average weekend warrior couldn't figure out how to paddle it.