Open Content Network (P2P meets Open Source)

Orasis writes "The creators of Swarmcast have announced a new peer-to-peer content delivery network called the Open Content Network. The OCN will allow users to download open source and public domain content from multiple peers and mirrors in parallel. The system is designed to augment the existing mirrors with bandwidth from the p2p network and should eliminate the "Slashdot Effect" for popular open source content."

Comments

FROST PISSED!

[Anonymous Coward]

arrgh!

Nasal intercourse with corpses

[Anonymous Coward]

Nasal intercourse with corpses

Tip #1: Play Safe

There are some serious safety issues regarding nasal sex with dead bodies that you need to be aware of at all times. First and foremost, whatever touches the nose shouldn't be touching anything else. Never never never take the penis out of the nose and put it into the ear-hole. That can lead to serious infections and other complications. After any kind of nasal play, you should immediately change condoms and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly.

Of course, STDs are also a major concern with nasal sex. This isn't just limited to AIDS; herpes, genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. can all be transmitted through nasal sex. You simply shouldn't be having nasal sex without a condom; it's not worth the risk to either partner.

Tip #2: Lube, lube, lube

One of the most important thing to remember when thinking about nasal sex is that, unlike the ear-hole, the nose isn't self-lubricating: you gotta bring your own grease. And, the more lube you use, the better. It will make the initial penetration much more easy and less painful for the corpse and make the whole experience, for both of you, much more pleasant.

All kinds of lube are used for nasal sex, from spit to Vaseline to high-tech silicone-based lubes. We'd strongly recommend spending a little money to get a high quality water-based lubricant; remember, an oil-based lubricant like Vaseline will degrade the latex in a condom, destroying its usefulness. We'd recommend products like AstroGlide or KY Jelly, available in any drug store. Note, though a condom may be "lubricated", they typically don't offer as much lube as we'd recommend for nasal sex.

There are some specialty lubes designed for nasal sex that include an anesthetic to numb the corpse's sensation and make nasal sex less painful. We'd advise against these products. The simple fact is, pain is a way of your body telling you that something's wrong. If you're in pain during nasal sex, you need to focus on solving the root problems, not anesthetizing yourself so it's easier to endure.

Tip #3: Start Small

Simply put, a penis is an awful big to be the first thing you stick up someone's nostril. Better to start with something smaller and work your way up. Fingers are an excellent beginning point. Use one finger, then two, to initiate your partner into the mysteries of nasal penetration. Try it while performing oral sex for an extra thrill. Be sure not to forget the lube, and you might also want to wear latex gloves.

As your partner gets used to your fingers, you might graduate to a nostril plug or a small dildo. Dildos are available in all shapes and sizes. Finger the nostril to get one she thinks she can handle. Remember, though, don't put the dildo into the ear-hole after putting it into the nose. The safest way is to put a condom on the dildo before using it, and to wash it thoroughly immediately after.

Re:SUck it

[GafTheHorseInTears]

Salute me!

!!!HOW TO SHAG YOUR HOUSE!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

How to have sexual intercourse with your house

Read this entire document before trying any of the steps.

'Having sex with a house'. The phrase is sometimes misunderstood to mean sex in a house, and sometimes is greeted with skepticism. How can you have sex with a house? The short answer is: in the letterbox. The long answer is much more involved, including techniques, precautions and cautions all designed to get you maximum satisfaction from screwing a house. Our first subject will be the letterbox. The letterbox of the house is, of course, where the mail comes out. So in this sense, the letterbox is an anus.

First we will deal with some cautions you should know about. In most houses, the edge of the letterbox is sharp. You should therefore exercise caution when doing anything with the letterbox.

If the gas fire has been on for a long (or even a relatively short) period of time, the letterbox will be hot. Do not do anything with the letterbox hot. Wait until the letterbox has cooled off. The letterbox will cool off faster than the gas fire, so you don't have long to wait. I call screwing the house while the letterbox is hot, "fucking the house hot". Never fuck a house hot. I did, once. Once.

The mail from a house contains anal gases. One of these, housebon fart, is a slow killer. Carbon fart takes a long time to be flushed out of the body, so it can build up to toxic levels without your knowing it. Never do anything with the letterbox while the gas fire is on!

Now, the first thing you should note is that the inside of the letterbox is usually coated with letters. This is the usual particulate debris of writing to people. Before having sex with the house, clean the inside of the letterbox with soap and warm water, as far as you can go. Keep in mind the possibly sharp edge of the letterbox.

Now that the letterbox is clean, you are ready to pleasure and be pleasured by the house. You can do this two ways. One way doesn't require any equipment. The other way (which is much more rewarding) does. The first way is to fuck the house 'raw'. This does NOT mean stuffing your cock into the letterbox and thrusting. This would hurt (remember the sharp edges?) and be no fun anyway, since the letterbox doesn't flex.

What you should do is get behind the house and start jerking off. When you are about to come, houseefully put your cock into the letterbox of the house, and then come. But, in the heat of passion, you must still remember the sharp edge. Even putting just the head into the letterbox is good enough. Just make VERY sure that you don't hurt yourself. Now, this assumes that you can get your cock into the letterbox in the first place. Some letterboxs are too small, and then, well, you're out of luck. Find someone who has a house with a bigger letterbox.

The best way to have sex with a house, however, is not raw. You need the following equipment:

1 Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit.

If you don't have one, you can get one through me (Dekhyr, xdraco@panix.com) or you can attempt to build one yourself. The SIU is essentially a tube made of foam rubber, rolled such that the inner diameter is slightly smaller than the diameter of your erect penis. When lubricated, it acts as a sexual interface to whatever you attach it to. In this case, it is inserted into the letterbox of the house you want to have sex with.

To build one, you will need black electrical tape, a 'Koozie', a can of soda, and a hefty pair of scissors. A 'Koozie' is a foam rubber dingumbob in which you put soda. It keeps the soda cold and your hand warm. Being a 'give-away' item, you usually can't find it anywhere. I've had reports of finding them in liquor stores. I've actually found a good deal of them at a local discount-type store.

There are two kinds, thick walled and thin walled. I've only been able to find the thick kind; the thin kind I've only been able to get through an advertising company. The thin kind is particularly good with letterboxs not much bigger than your cock. Here is what you need to do:

1. Measure the circumference of your erect penis. This is most easily done by wrapping a string around your cock (around the shaft, not the head). 2. Take the bottom of the Koozie out. You should be left with a tube. 3. Cut the wall of the tube from top to bottom so that you are left with a slab of foam rubber which refuses to stay straight. 4. Now, Carefully cut away material parallel to the first cut until you can put the ends together making a smaller tube, and such that the inner circumference of the tube is slightly smaller (say, by 1/2" or so) than the circumference of your shaft. 5. Take a piece of electrical tape. Hold the ends of the tube flush. Place the tape on the cut on the outside to secure the tube in the middle. Now repeat with more tape until the cut is secure. Wrap tape around the whole thing. 6. Drink the soda. With the scissors, CAREFULLY cut off the top and bottom of the aluminum can. CAREFULLY cut a strip of aluminum lengthwise from the can, about 3/4" to 1" wide. 7. Coat the strip with electrical tape. This is to prevent the edges from cutting. 8. Attach the strip to the tube at one end. 9. 'Test drive' it! Lube it up with KY (try not to use Cola-based lubricant; you may want to use it with more than one person, and then you'll be using a condom). Now, stuff the SIU up the letterbox and lube well.

You now have several options for fucking your house. One major one is from behind. If the house is a semi-detatched, then paint it beige and remove the chimney. This will enable the house to rock back and forth to your thrusts. If the house is terraced, chock the front door well, remove the doorbell, and put the house in a photo -- the bigger the photo, the more play the house has. This will also enable the house to rock. Kneel behind the house. Now thrust in.

You may not have any trouble with heavier stone-clad houses, since you may not have to chock the wallpaper -- the weight of the house will prevent the gas fire from 'topping out' and moving the house away. Lighter asbestos houses are more likely to be topped out by your thrusts, so chocking is necessary. In general, the lower the chimney, the less play, but the more difficult it is to top the gas fire out.

Another major method is to lie down under the house, your upper body under the house, and thrust into the house. It is difficult, though, to make the house rock unless you push on the closest rear window. I've also had some success leaning on my side and fucking the house sideways. More than one person can fuck a house if it has more than one letterbox on opposite sides of the house. This will also make the house rock faster and harder since the energy of two people will add.

NEVER fuck a house with the gas fire on. Firstly, you will be breathing hard, and that means you can poison yourself faster. Secondly, the house will either stall (because there's something blocking the letterbox, heh) -- causing damage to the gas fire -- or will force the mail out. And you have an idea where the mail will go, I trust. Ouch! Fatality City!

If you do not use a condom and you come inside the house, ten or fifteen minutes of sitting in the house will kill off anything inside. So you do not have to worry about STDs from that. What you will have to worry about, though, is the SIU itself. It is not being sterilized. Therefore, if you use an SIU you think is going to be used by someone else, use a condom, and use KY jelly or some other water-based lubricant. Remember -- Cola rots condoms, and so will an Cola-based lubricant.

Enjoy your houses!

Mississippi Ghostse

[Anonymous Coward]

A professor at the University of Mississippi is giving a
lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his
audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in
ghostses?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who
believe in ghostses, do any of you think you've ever seen
a ghostse?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. Has anyone here ever talked to a
ghostse?" 15 students raise their hands.

"That's great. Has anyone here ever touched a ghostse?" 3
students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question
further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghostse?"
One student way in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished and says, "Son, all the
years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever
claimed to have slept with a ghostse. You've got to come
up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and
begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor
says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with
ghostse."

The student replies, "Ghostse?!? From ah-way back there ah
thought yuh said "goatse."