Slashdot Mirror
Household Pets for the Common Geek?
batobin asks: "I just moved into my first apartment that allows pets, and am looking forward to finally getting some sort of animal companion. My question to the Slashdot community is this: are there any pets out there that are especially conducive to a nerdish personality/lifestyle? I was looking into hedgehogs before I found out they're illegal in my state, but ferrets are starting to look fun too. Which pets are especially trainable? Which will be entertained by (yet not intrusive upon) a typist with a flashing screen in front of them? Is cable-gnawing an issue? Something tells me I can do better than simply a dog or a cat."
I've always really liked fish. And they are really geeky. Easy to take care of, and the don't take up much space. A good time for all involved!
If penguins were legal to own, could there be any other obvious choice. :)
C - A language that combines the speed of assembly with the ease of use of assembly.
If you are looking to make a commitment I would recommend a few sugar gliders. They are very fun, but they do bond to their owners and live for many years, so they aren't a good choice if you're just dabbling with the idea of pets. They are also communal, so you should get at least two.
As always, a simple web seearch will turn up lots more information.
-- MarkusQ
I have to voice my personal preference for small rodents. My GF and I picked out a cute little russian hamster about two months ago and I'm quite smitten with the furry little creature. And I have to say that having a pet with the same schedule (nocturnal) is a boon. We've got him a hamster-ball and he takes great joy in doing laps around the living room and the rest of the house.
Plan on a 2-year life span and expect to clean out the cage 1-2 times a week. He's a great little furry companion and he also enjoys chess. What more can you ask for in a geek-friendly pet.
No matter what you decide, make sure that you understand what you're getting into and are willing to make the commitment to a creature that for better or worse, will be dependant on you for the rest of it's life. Ask questions, choose wisely, and don't forget, there is a special hell for people who neglect their pets.
"If I wanted your input on my pet project, I'd stick my hand up your ass and use you like a sock-puppet." - Muse
You really can't get more geeky than the Macintosh 512K fish tank. I forget the site for it though.
The GeekNights podcast is going strong. Listen!
I have had a rabbit or two, although I didn't keep them in the house, I have heard they can be house trained, and are rather nice loveable little things. If they get mad, they can nip rather hard though.
Also, what about a parakeet (or budgie, depending on what part of the world you live in). They are generally good natured, and you can teach them to talk if you have enough patience. I used to have one that sat on my monitor and would look upside down at it.
Perhaps a dog, depending on the size of your apartment. Rescue a grey hound from a your local racing gray hound rescue shelter. They are medium sized relaxed dogs, but need to go for a quick run once a day or so. Also, if you get a dog, crate train them, you place them in their crate overnight, and they sleep, and won't crap in it.
If you get a cat, get the fattest laziest one you can find. I have 2 cats. One is up all night creating messes and hardly sleeps, and the other sleeps on my bed 23 out of 24 hours a day, and the other hour she is on my lap purring.
Aibo. Obviously!
-WolfWithoutAClause
"Gravity is only a theory, not a fact!"if you're just looking for a fixture around the apartment, go with something like a guinea pig or a fish... ferrets stink. literally. i mean, given that you're on slashdot, your chances of getting a girl to voluntarily come over are already halved, but if you do by some miracle score one for the home team, ferret-stink is a big turn-off.
if you're really looking for a companion with some personality, go with a cat, or to a lesser extent, a dog... personally, i'm a dog kinda guy, but its hard to find a good sedate breed of dog that won't get in your way while coding. if you do opt for a dog, definitely get obedience training. its indispensible for any dog owner, coder or not.
They're small, fluffy, cute, clean, affectionate, cheap, intelligent, trainable, and easy to look after.
:)
They only disadantage is they don't live very long (sucks getting attached to one and have it die within 2-3 years), and they will knaw through cables and clothes if you're not careful.
They'll sit on your shoulder while you work, can be trained to come when called, will sit while you stroke them, and come in a wide variety of sizes and colours
As a cat owner, I resent the comment at the end of the submission. Apparently the original submitter is against cats and dogs because they are more mainstream pets, and therefore are not ideal "nerd" pets.
In fact, I have found cats to be ideal for the nerd lifestyle. They require a minimum of maintance and require little attention.
I have also found that cats are very fond of lounging on top of CRT monitors during late night sessions. My cat has never forgiven me for getting my 17" LCD.
Cats have plenty of personality and tend to be fairly reclusive. Smell is a minimum, as well.
- (c) 2018 Hank Zimmerman
but ferrets are starting to look fun too. Which pets are especially trainable? Which will be entertained by (yet not intrusive upon) a typist with a flashing screen in front of them? Is cable-gnawing an issue?
I know several people with ferrets (Including my mother in law).
Ferrets are very cute and very fun, but they don't meet all of your criteria. They are difficult to train to to tricks, they are pretty dirty animals (They don't potty train very well, and often prefer to poop in a dark corner vs in a bed of kitty litter), play with and chew cables (My mother-in-law had one that kept chewing through hot electrical wires), they do not enjoy cages, and they are hyper hyper hyper... nonstop nocturnal action. They do like to cuddle with you, but they are also libel to pee and poop on your bed while you are sleeping.
Also note that ferrets are master escape artists, so if you do get one, make sure that ferral ferrets won't threaten indiginous bird populations in your area (Which is why ferrets are illegal in California & Hawaii, and should remain illegal according to the Audubon Society, the Waterfowl Association, and The Sierra Club).
Something tells me I can do better than simply a dog or a cat."
Don't disregard a dog or cat simply because they are common pets. There are hundreds of millions of dog & cat owners in the world, with good reason: dogs & cats are (usually) intelligent, clean, easy to train, and very loving animals.
"Can of worms? The can is open... the worms are everywhere."
They are cute, ooze personality, are very friendly and "talkative," and what other animal is so closely associated with science? The only problem is that they are prodigious poop producers, so get a cage that is easy to clean. Also, get a short hair, as they are easier to care for (no grooming and less shedding).
:Peter
I agree about the hedgehog, though. Someday I'll get one...
If you really want to be truely nerdy setup a mini reef tank, about 20 gallons. It is pretty simple to maintain and is most certainly geeky (you built and maintianed a small ecosystem in you apartment). Or a simple solution is get a cat, assuming you get a good one they play with you, but don't require any where near as much trouble as a dog or ferret.
...and toilet train it.
No shit, I trained mine 5 years ago and it's been great. She uses the toilet in the spare bathroom and neither of us have to worry about all the indignities of a dirty litter box.
Do not try to train it to flush, though. Seems that if you do this they decide that they love it and go and flush the toilet whenever they're bored...
"It is our blasphemy which has made us great, and will sustain us, and which the gods secretly admire in us." - Zelazny
Agreed with above AC. Gerbils are MUCH better than hamsters!
Gerbils are originally from the Mongolian desert, and therefore are much more efficient and emit less waste, and you can tell. You can get away without changing gerbil cage bedding for more than a month before it really starts to stink, though once every 2 or 3 weeks might be better. Hamsters need to be changed every 1 or 2 weeks. Mice are HORRIBLE -- if you don't change their litter for ONE week they smell like CR@P!
Gerbils are also tamer than hamsters. I've been bitten by them, but that is very rare after they got used to me. If you tame them right they will sit happily in your hand for a long time when they age and let you stroke their backs! I've never had a hamster of my own, but the ones I've seen are much more aggressive than gerbils.
Another option might be rats. I'm thinking of getting a rat someday. They are smart, and not nearly as dirty as most people think they are.
...hermit crabs!
:-)
Ok so they're not all that affectionate, but they are kind of fun sometimes. Given them some rocks, a good bowl of water, some hermit crab food & an apple, a few spare shells that are a little bigger than they (REALLY IMPORTANT), and leave them alone or watch them! I defy anyone to come up with a pet that requires less maintenance!
The beauty of it is that you can play with them when (and ONLY when) you want to. It is rather fun to let them walk around on you.
And they are quiet too. No barks or meows early in the morning, no re-arranging cage bedding or running on a squeaky excercise wheel at 4AM.
- Keep small pets. Pets like cats, and anything smaller, are good for this. The reason is cost. Food for a large dog will cost you a ton compared to a half-tin of cat food a day and a bag of dry food every two weeks.
- Keep low-maintenance pets. Cats are reasonably good for this, as long as you remember to let them in and out (if applicable), and remember to change their litter and feed them. They'll mostly stay out of your way if they're loners, and if they're sucky (friendly, suck-up, lovey) cats, they'll gladly sit in your lap, where you can pet them with one hand and browse slashdot with the other.
- In a ground floor apartment, you can have any pet you want. In anything above the 1 1/2th floor, or anything above the 3rd floor that doesn't have a huge tree just outside the patio/window, you need an indoor pet, or a 'companion' pet. Cats are bad for this (unless you have the tree), since once you get outside, they'll take off, and you'll have to wait for hours for them to come back so you can open the door. Dogs are better for this, since you walk them and then go home with them. Problem is, you have to walk them, it's not an option.
- Don't go exotic. It might seem 'cool' or 'geeky' to have an exotic pet, but when it gets sick and the vets are clueless, when the only petstore around that carries food for it closes up, when you move to a no-pets apartment and have to get rid of it, it can be a pain in the ass.
- Don't get a bird. Either you let it fly around the apartment and crap on everything, or you lock it up in a cage, which is cruel. The best case you could hope for is one that's happy in a cage, in which case it'll sing and whistle at you, which can make concentrating or sleeping somewhat difficult.
I'm a cat person myself, I've almost never not had a cat, but I'm also aware of how much work it takes to care for a cat, and a lot of pets take more work to manage. Be very careful. Ask your local petstore, or as many local petstores as you can find. Ask friends, family, coworkers what kinds of pets they have or have had, and what it takes to take care of them. Get as much info as you can, not just from slashdot. No one here knows enough about your personal habits to give you proper information, only suggestions.And lastly, once you decide on a pet, go to the SPCA or the local animal shelter. Don't buy from a petstore when there are poor things sitting locked in cages for who knows how long, up until they have to be killed to put them out of everyone's misery.
--Dan
Something tells me I can do better than simply a dog or a cat.
[This sounds like a sickly competitive statement.]
Dogs and cats have millenia of domestication backing them up. If you want a trainable animal, this seems like a no brainer. My dog knows all sorts of things.
- "Let's take a nap" and Belle runs up stairs.
- "MOVE!" and Belle avoids being kicked and gets out of my way.
- "Treat!" and she pays more attention to me.
- "Truck", "Clancy", "go", and she gets excited to go in the truck to Mom and Dad's to play with Clancy.
- "Get in the truck" and she jumps into the back of the truck.
- all of the standards, "sit", "down", "paw", "rollover", "stay"
- "other paw" and she'll shake with the other paw...
= "Outside?" and she'll go to the door if she wants out, otherwise she'll just stair at you.
- When let in from outside, Belle used to check out the living room for visitors, not she checks out the high chair for dropped food.
Dogs are only fun when well trained. Training is a physical activity. There is no negotiating with a dog. The dog has to know that it is at the bottom of the pack (below children) and may at times need reminders.
Mixed breed dogs are more robust and smarter. I'd look for a young dog at the pound.
Dogs are also a 20 year commitment, but can be well worth it.
Joe
Joe Batt Solid Design
If you just need to have an animal that hangs around looking cool, get some kind of reptile. Very low maintenance.
Rats are interesting. But a little too smart for their own good. And they don't live very long.
I've often wanted a ferret. But they're illegal where I live. Probably require more care than I can provide.
The ultimate extreme pet. Somebody in Siberia managed to breed a de-feralized fox. Hoping to create a fur animal that easier to raise than wild foxes. Unfortunately, the de-feralized ones don't have market-quality coats. But they're still beautiful as hell.
i can't believe the inane questions that people ask on slashdot these days... "is this geeky enough?" "what would be geekier?" "could you please define my life for me?" "help me, i have no personal identity!" "*whine*"
seriously. people! "nerdish" "geeky"... if you are you are. if you aren't and you're asking slashdot how you CAN be... ehhhh, you need help, but not from us.
I have a ferret, and she's perfect for my lifestyle. Ferrets can be difficult to train, and they're not going to do tricks for you, however, they can be litter trained, trained to come to you, etc. Mine is about half litter trained, which is good enough.
Some ferrets will chew on cables. I've been lucky in this regard so far, although there are some gnawers out there. However, this is trainable, especially by using bitter apple spray (they hate the taste).
The best thing I've found about ferrets is that they're always ready to play. Getting home at strange hours is no real problem for them, as they're usually sleeping anyway. However, because ferrets are so playful, it's usually a matter of waking them up, giving them a minute to stretch, and then they're ready to play.
All in all, a ferret makes a great choice (or two, they're very communal, remember), if they're legal in your area, of course.
-Gabe
Fish could be interesting. I rescued a goldfish from a wedding reception and the thing lived for 3 years with my minimal care (let the tank go a little too long before cleaning it, sometimes forgot to feed him)
A year ago we inherited an african grey parrot. They're considered the smartest of birds and probably the smartest of animals that are relatively easy to keep in the house (read about Alex to see what they are capable of with training). They aren't a low maintenance pet though, they require personal interaction and they are loud, messy and destructive. However, they are a very rewarding pet to own and can be very entertaining. If you consider owning one (or another type of parrot) I'd reccomend reading up on them and talking to a few owners to get a better sense of what owning one is like.
Bleh!
"You're a geek..."
In which case the obvious pet is a chicken.]
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
"My question to the Slashdot community is this: are there any pets out there that are especially conducive to a nerdish personality/lifestyle?"
MY 32 horses suit me fine. I may not be a very typical nerd, though.
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
When searching about ferrets I came across this testimonial. To summarize it, a representative from the fish and wildlife department of california came to this lady's house, and seized her ferrets. She was forced through a legal battle, and currently has her pets out of state with her father, and a hefty fine. PLUS she's on probation.
Sounds like they take their laws seriously in California.
Yes, because a pet is a status symbol. All your friends will think you are uber-leet for having a marmoset.
What a moronic Ask Slashdot question.
- A.P.
"Remember when the U.S. had a drug problem, and then we declared a War On Drugs, and now you can't buy drugs anymore?"
Get a Servicat. I don't have a link handy right now, and I'm too damn lazy to find one, but a google search will turn up tons of pages.
A Servicat is half African Serval (like a mini-leopard) and half Bengal (a standard housecat, but is at least some part Asian Leopard). They are legal in most states because they are only considered 50% exotic.
I have 2 Bengals, and they rule. If they weighed like 30 or 40 pounds like a Servicat, they would be hella cool.
Need Free Juniper/NetScreen Support? JuniperForum
In my sophomore year of college, my roommate had a pet ball python and believe it or not, made for a pretty good companion while working on the computer. He'd stay up on my shoulder, or on my arm, perfectly content to watch me work away. And before someone asks, he never tried to strangle me! *grin* The snake was about 3' long, and from what I remember my roommate saying, they don't get all that much bigger than that. And taking care of it was a breeze. Just make sure it has a clean cage and give it a mouse once or twice a month. And for those that are really adventerous, let a mouse loose in the living room and watch the snake hunt it down! Just be sure not to bother the snake while it's feeding, it does NOT like that!
Of course now, I have a springer spanial, but only because my wife HATES snakes.
I second this, even though you appear to want an "exotic" pet.
Rene, I agree with your "read" of the poster's intent, and I'm pleased you added the always prudent "appear" to your statement since it's not clear what the poster wants/needs in a pet. I thought your post was great. Hopefully that will cause the poster to think twice about the pros and cons of exotic pets.
My first thought when I read the poster's topic was what exactly does s/he mean by "Something tells me I can do better than simply a dog or a cat." What does better mean? Apparently an animal that fits in with the poster's nerdish personality/lifestyle, but that doesn't tell us much. I'm a little concerned that the poster's intent may be to get an animal that s/he can show off to his/her friends as an example of what a counter-culture, eccentric-genius, think-outside-the-box kind of guy s/he is. The comment about ferrets looking "fun" troubles me. Perhaps it's because I've seen way too many hippies who think that owning one of these is a great way to advertise your non-mainstreamness. Again, I don't know poster batobin so all we can do is guess what his/her criteria for a pet is.
I sincerely hope that batobin knows what is important to them in a pet even if s/he chose not to let us in on the secret. And for the record, I believe that cats make great nerd pets. If you're concerned about them fooling with your computer equipment, just put that stuff in a offlimits-to-Kitty-room.
GMD
watch this
I'm not sure a Pikachu in and of itself is particularly nerdy. NOW if you hacked an Aibo so the only noises it made were random variations on "Pikachu", give it a custom yellow paintjob and rigged it to give an electric shock anytime it got pissed off (or you forced it into battle with the neighborhood rotwiller), that would be a pretty cool nerd pet! Hell, you could make a website about it and submit it to slashdot for all of us to marvel at! Can't get more nerdy than that!
GMD
watch this
While not really a "pet", they are great for geeks. I have one at work.
Eco-sphere
They don't require any maintenance and if you forget about them for a few weeks, no big deal. Occasionally, I'll put in the dark for a few days to stop the algae growth and to satisfy my god complex.
I had mine for about a year now and my 4 little brine friends are still running in circles.
Live web cams
Their playful nature is a delight and they are pretty low-maintenance but a cat would be almost as playful most of its life and would live easily twice as long as your average ferret.
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
The perfect geek fish are Betas... cool looking, easy to take care of, and a geek can spend from $10/month to easily $500/month of them! What's more geekier than a fish that can breathe air? A dog with gills??
s /b etta_more.htm
http://www.aquariumfish.net/catalog_pages/betta
http://beta-fighting-fish.com/
Plus, any true geek will love the name!
... you have 5 MacQuariums!
"Macintosh" (128K/512K)
Mac Plus
Mac SE
Mac Classic
Mac Color Classic
iMac
Ok, so I'm still working on the iMacQuarium! I'd also like to find an old Macintosh TV (the black Mac LC 520 with built-in TV tuner).
Short-hair cats.
Fish freak me out. They're always looking at you with beady little eyes. Birds are every possible kind of messy.
Dogs require a little too much maintenence (gotta get home to let Spot out to pee).
But my cats - a pound rescue and a Scottish Fold I've had for several years now - are great geek pets. First of all, they love the computers. Bat-the-cursor, lay on the keyboard, sleep on the giant monitor. They appreciate all the simple geekish joys.
They basically come toilet trained, and clumping litter means two minutes of litter-box cleaning three or four times a week. No big deal. You keep a brush around to keep the shedding down to a minimum (it's not bad on shorthairs, anyway), get 'em a few toy mice and a laser pointer (all household pets, including my ex-'s fish, will play with a laser pointer), and they're basically good to go.
Cats can cuddle up on your lap and are plenty vocal (mostly) if you're in need of another voice. Purring is a smoothing thing. It always relaxes me, anyway.
Cats also live a good, long life. My parents had a cat for 21 years. They're truly an animal for the long-term. They're just all-round good pets.
-- I wanna decide who lives and who dies - Crow T. Robot, MST3K
I want an Ein!
Downsides: chihuahuas are pretty dang stupid, they bark alot and have bad eyesight, plus one just pooped in my bedroom .
Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley
An optical mouse! It always lives with you, very low maintainance and get along well with computer...
O.K. Actually, despite all the exotic ideas passed around, I'm leaning towards a nice lap cat. It sure would be less hassle than a llama! :)
Don't worry about having more than one cat - they tend to fight a bit for a week or so, then settle down. Since I can't bring my cat here to my flat, he lives at my mother's house with her cat. So, we've two neutered toms, and they don't pee everywhere or fight.
They are no trouble to look after, although if you live in a city you might want to have a litter tray and keep them inside. Ours go in and out when they want. We just leave a window open for them, so if they need out they just go and come back when they're hungry.
Don't, whatever you do, get a "specialised" breed of cat. They've got all kinds of health problems and will cost you a fortune to look after. They got that way because of the inbreeding inherent in pedigree breeds. Just get a "Domestic Shorthair" cat - your local rescue centre will have loads of them, and will have culled out the inbred ones.
One final not-totally-related tip - do NOT get a horse. They're extremely expensive and very hard work to look after. Having more than one isn't a problem (unless they breed or fight, so if you do, only get mares) but the amount of work increases exponentially. You will be able to grow fantastic organic vegetables, though, with all that dung.
I can't say enough good things about turtles. You can either get aquatic turtles like red-eared sliders that spend most of their time underwater in an aquarium, or you can get regular box turtles that can wander around on the floor. They're very sturdy, they're easy to take care of, they live for tens of years, and they've got great personalities.
Personally, I prefer aquatic turtles: if you have to leave them alone for a week (for vacation, trips, whatever), you can get a little automatic feeder and you don't have to worry about them pooping all over the place like dogs. They're beautiful to watch when they swim, plus you can take them out and play with them.
Plus, they'll eat meat: you can throw a couple of live feeder fish, crickets, or whatever in the tank and watch the thrill of the chase.
I can't exactly say that they're trainable, but they're very smart. Mine have learned to climb up on my feet and sit there when they want me to play with them. They'll just camp out on my socks or shoes and wait patiently for me to sit down on the floor.
What's your damage, Heather?
Seriously, my cat show more genuine affection for me than any rodent I've ever owned - I used to keep guinea pigs. She'll sit on my lap while I work or watch tv, she walks in front of my monitor to be scratched (well, nobody's perfect) and she bats at the screen when I play video games - I think she likes Asteroids more than I do. So we have common interests, and she's not needy, like a guinea pig - as someone else mentioned, cats take care of themselves. They don't need you, but they choose to associate with you, and that makes them great pets.
In addition, cats are obsessive about cleanliness. That's good - means less dander floating into your boxen.
I'm the stranger...posting to
If you're concerned about them fooling with your computer equipment, just put that stuff in a offlimits-to-Kitty-room.
That might be cruel to both pet and human, since by definition, the nerd would need to spend a lot of time in the 'computer room', away from their companion. Besides, Real Nerds(tm) can't limit their lifestyles and gear to one room. Roaming laptops, servers, cabling, PDAs, Gameboys, Lego, remote controls, board games, dice, etc. Be aware of small toys and choking hazards! Geez, this sounds a lot like gettind ready for a newborn!
Guinea pigs are the best pets to get if you are looking for something rodent-sized. They have been domesticated nearly as long as the dog, and so get along great with people. Their advantages are many:
Shockwave Flash movies are the greatest thing to happen to non-sequitur humor since Japan.
Minuses: Not very interested in people. Often fearful. All Guinea pigs urinate a lot (no real bladder control). I've never seen one successfully trained to reliably avoid pissing on his/her owner.
Without lots of fresh vegetables, particularly a good supply of vitamin C, the guinea pig has a abbreviated lifespan.
Overall, I'd say a guinea pig is basically little more than a huge hamster -- easy to care for, but not all that interesting. They make a great pet for a kid, but aren't particulary geeky.
I do not deploy Linux. Ever.
I can provide some information on the Bengal...
The Bengal is bred from the small wild "Asian Leopard Cat", not a leopard but Felis bengalensis, a small (up to 18 pounds) wild cat found in southern/eastern Asia, the Phillipines, and Indonesia. A full-blood ALC is very shy. The Bengal is a cross-breed with domestic cats, and acts pretty much like any other cat, except they like water and will cost you around $700 for a "pet quality" Bengal kitten.
A badly-bred Bengal will be shy, like her wild great-great grandmother.
I do not deploy Linux. Ever.
I'd like my next cat to be really large.
Any suggestions as to a breed of cat which will grow to be big (not simply fat) and are known to have a friendly temperment? No need to be good with small children or strangers.
I'd consider a Ragdoll or Maine Coon, but I would prefer a cat with short, dark hair, as most of my clothes and carpeting are various shades of black, and I'd like them to stay that way.
I do not deploy Linux. Ever.
Sure, people have recommended a fish. But how about a specific kind of intelligent fish? I would recommend a single Oscar.
Why single? Because they are messy fish that grow to be a bit big. They also will pay more attention to you (when there isn't another fish in the tank... besides feeders), and that makes them more easily trainable.
Why an Oscar? They are one of the most intelligent freshwater fish. Read up on them. You'll see that people say they have personalities, and that they really are trainable to do all sorts of things. It really is quite amazing.
Thus, it would be a perfect geek pet, to bring out the intelligence in a fish and to demonstrate the specific skills you were able to train it to do. And most people don't have fish that'll do anything but nibble out of their hand. This'll be a cool thing.
Brian,
As you already seem to be considering a cat, here's a few words from a cat lover:
From the description you gave us, and from the few reactions you posted in this thread, I'd say go for a cat. They're great animals, but I personally still think that they are all completely nuts. That of course enhances the entertainment value.
Mart
*Of course, as anyone living with a cat will tell you, humans don't own cats, cats own humans.
"I know I will be modded down for this": where's the option '-1, Asking for it'?
Get a dead one, like me.
You don't have to feed me, water me, or even clean my cage.
And I'll always listen to you when you talk. Or at least look like it. Just put me you-know-where, and we'll be fine.
If I weren't nailed to the penis, I'd be pushing up the daisies!