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Machinima Festival and News
Hugh Hancock writes: "Machinima (real-time 3D film-making in game engines, what used to be called 'Quake Movies') has a bit of a grab-bag day today -- the New York Times (registration, blah) is running an article on it, prompted by the announcement of the first Machinima-only film festival, sponsored by NVidia!"
Check out WatchMeDance! Dancing in the streets rocks!
http://www.machinima.org/i/WS_FTP.LOG
Joke to cheer up your dull day!
A dialog of a former WP Customer Support employee:
"Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables
plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from
the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still
have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was
when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Whats black, blue and green and doesnt like sex?
The Girl Scout locked in my basement.
Whats the worst part about having sex with a six year-old?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
Whats the best thing about getting a hand job from a five year-old?
That little hand makes your thing look really huge.
Guy comes home from work to find his girlfriend sitting on the porch, crying.
Whats wrong, honey?
Im leaving you! I just found out youre a pdophile!
Pdophile? Why, thats a pretty big word for a ten year-old.
How can you tell when your sisters on her period?
When your dads dick tastes like blood!
Two pdophiles are lying on a beach tanning, one turns to the other and says, Excuse me, youre in my son.
What is the sickest sound you hear when fucking a nine year-old?
Her hips snapping!
What is the best sound you hear when fucking a 13 year-old?
Her hips snapping!
Whats 18 inches long, blue, veiny, and makes a woman cry?
Crib death.
How could the mans seven year-old son tell that his dad had fucked his eight year-old sister? His dads weiner tasted like blood!
Watson returns home to find Holmes in bed with a child. He shouts, Is this some sort of a schoolgirl?
Holmes replies, Elementary, my dear Watson.
So I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I decided I wanted to get kinky and try and do her in the ass. So I slipped around back; she looked over her shoulder at me and said, My, how presumptuous of you. I said, Presumptuous? Thats a big word for a ten year-old.
Two guys are walking down the street when a beautiful woman passes. The first guy says, Damn! Id love to tear her clothes off, do her in the rear, smear my fces all over her, slice off her breasts, chop her into little pieces, put her in a garbage bag and toss her into the river!
Second guy says, Yuck! Youre a sick bastard!
First guy says, Whatre you? A fag?
A kindergarten teacher is asking the kids what their father does for a living. All the kids answer except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks Little Johnny what his Dad does and Johnny replies, My dad is dead.
The teacher says, Thats terribile, but what did he do before he died?
Little Johnny replies, He turned blue and shit all over himself!
A guy calls in sick to work.
Whats wrong? asks the boss.
Im sick, the guy replies.
You sound all right.
No, Im really sick. Believe me.
Listen, you were fine yesterday, and we have a lot of work today. I want you in here. You cant be that sick!
Dude, I just banged my sister. Dont tell me Im not sick.
A little girl accompanied her father to the barbershop. While her dad received a haircut, the little girl stood next to the barber chair, enjoying a snack cake. The barber smiled at her and said, Sweetheart, youre going to get hair on your Twinkie.
I know, the little girl replied. Im gonna get tits, too.
An older man and a small boy walk hand in hand through the woods.
Boy: These woods sure are spooky!
Man: You think youre scared, Ive gotta walk out of here alone.
Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One walked on the moon, and the other rapes little boys.
Has anyone read Michael Jacksons new book, The Ins and Outs of Child Rearing?
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
A: I dont cum all over the golden delicious apple before I take a bite out of it.
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I dont kiss my girlfriend after sex.
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a table?
A: You cant fuck a table.
Q: Whats special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
A: You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
Q: What do you have when you have four dead babies, take away two, and add five more?
A: An orgy!
Q: Whats better than three 14 year-olds?
A: 14 three year-olds.
Q: Whats white and bobs up and down in a babys crib?
A: A pdophiles ass.
Q: Whats the safest way to play with a baby?
A: With a condom.
Q: Whats more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
A: Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples.
Q: What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
A: Theyre fun to ride until they die.
Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead babys jaw?
A: Deep throat.
Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
A: Grandmothers dont die when you fuck them in the ass.
Q: Whats the best sound in the world?
A: Hearing dead babys hips crack under pressure!
Q: Whats worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
A: Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?
A: Take your dick out of its mouth.
Q: Whats worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
Whats better than sex with a twelve year-old boy?
Absolutely nothing.
- posted by poopbot: lovely snot! wonderful snot!
ncsakUSyhZ Post #347
Oh, quick note since the last Machinima-related post on /. attracted some comments - Machinima.com has been redesigned, now with Actually Usable(TM) technology!
mod this as flame bait I don't care, but why the hell is this crap getting onto slashdot? Did someone NET get enough cafeen?? GO TO THINKGEEK NOW! You crackmonkeys aren't awake enought!
For those who cant, wont or dont want to register
ID : spamfree3
PW : spamfree
I just finished watching Hearts of Atlantis, excellent movie, I recommend that anyone who hasn't read the book or seen it, go get out the movie now.
And heck, im young, and it still was a reflective movie. Sheesh.
First off: Moderators, I am responding to a post and not starting a flame. Mod down if you must but please take that into consideration.
:-)
Brilliant article. Very intrerresting and has me interrested in looking for such films. It seems I'll reopen my Quake 1 box soon.
Very true. Every once in a while it seems there is a good reason to reopen an old game. I just got back into Fallout 2.
Stop thinking 9/11
Oh great... here we go...
and give the rest of the world a rest and stop adding terrorist consipiracies and references to everything you write.
Um. Correct me if I'm wrong but the word terrorist is not synonymous with "Evil foreigners that we must defend ourselves against since that tragic day... almost a year ago... *sniff*... I remember when..."
From where I'm sitting you were the first and only person to bring 9/11 into the mix (and after a good opening point). Excuse me if I'm too blunt but that is a spin on an article that would make Jon Katz green with envy.
FYI: There had been terrorist attacks before 9/11/2001. Several against US interests (USS Cole, African Embassy bombings, and the Riyadh Marine barracks just to name the most recent) and many more against others. Americans died over Lockerbie. Americans died along with people of all nationalities.
that it took you two towers and the death thousands of rich americans to realize the horror of MILLIONS of poor 3rdworld habitants.
Except for the hundreds of thousands of Americans who have worked in 3rd World debt relief, AIDS medication relief, anti-globalization movements, humanitarian groups, Red Cross, missionary groups, Greenpeace, etc etc.
This seems to be the same argument against "American Movies" when they really mean "Hollywood big budget movies". "There are no good American film makers"... except for Steven Soderburgh, David Lynch, Jim Jarmush, Spike Lee, John Singleton, the Hughes Brothers, the Coen Brothers, Michael Mann, Marion Herron, Larry Clark, etc.
Everyone who criticizes a country always seems to do it based off of some comical stereotype of the nation. Like England is just a bunch of chinless wonders walking around with Pith helmets and monocles or a bunch of mindless footie hooligans.
Sometimes, I think that americans... Here you go off on a tirade that seems to stem from your own overexposure to the media. Granted, you watch FoxNews for an hour and it gets hard to stomach but then, and this is the neat thing about modern technology, you can turn it off. Like hitting the Back button to get out of the article.
I'd like to have someone prove me wrong on this... and someone who will say other things than "F*** YOU, A**HOLE."
I hope I've been cordial in my response.
But maybe that changed with 9/11, and you people finally fell back from your cloud.
Again, the popular assumption that American == worldless slob... except for all of those millions of Americans who aren't. I spent yesterday reading some facinating stuff on Dayan and Amer after catching a program on the Six Day War... oh wait, I forgot I'm an American!
*Thinks* Ok, I spent yesterday getting schlitzed while masturbating over pictures of dead immigrant workers. This while setting about the destruction of Indonesia and holding back the cure for AIDS and cancer we've had but just never shared with the world.
Welcome to the real world.
Hmm. Never knew I had left.
What is music when you despise all sound?