Slashdot Mirror
A Rock Moves In Space
theBrownfury writes: "The BBC is reporting here that
a very large Earth collision course asteroid has been discovered. This asteroid, NT7,
was first observed on July 5th and current data suggests an impact date of
February 1st, 2019. NT7 is 2kms wide and on date of impact will be approaching
Earth at 28km/s. An asteroid of this size is large enough to cause continent
wide destruction. However astronomers are still cautious in reporting this
asteroid as the orbit of NT7 has not been fully verified. Current data on
NT7's orbit suggests it orbits the Sun every 837 days and travels in a tilted
orbit from about the distance of Mars to just within the Earth's orbit." The BBC article's headline (and accompanying illustration) are more alarming than the story itself seems to warrant: this asteroid has been given a 0.06 on the Palermo technical scale, which means it shouldn't bump getting run over by a llama off your list of worries.
Rock and roll will never die.
i love slashdot!
really!
Lets hope they find out which continent it will be so we know not to move there!
Happy Troll Tuesday!
:) Join me in a WIPO-snot?
THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ [slashdot.org]
By J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org], $Revision: 1.16 $
[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as âoeTaco-snotting,â or simply âoesnotting.â Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help [adequacy.org] before it is too late. â"ed.]
Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself âoeCmdrTacoâ?
You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda [cmdrtaco.net], owner of the popular technology website slashdot.org [slashdot.org]. Actually, itâ(TM)s not a very âoepopularâ site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies [yahoo.com], and other societal rejects and outcasts. Itâ(TM)s also home to one of the worldâ(TM)s largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous âoeSlashdot crew.â
Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnâ(TM)t, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyoneâ(TM)s guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youâ(TM)re a potential candidate.
This time, he found you. Lucky you.
Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?
CmdrTacoâ(TM)s code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thatâ(TM)s right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotâ(TM)s parent corporation, VA Software [yahoo.com]. Mr. Maldaâ(TM)s âoeCommanderâ is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaâ(TM)s own lubed-up right hand. His âoeTaco bells [sonymusic.com]â are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his âoeTaco sauceâ is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to âoering his Taco bellsâ or âoetaste his gourmet Taco sauce.â
I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as âoeTaco-snottingâ and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a âoecircle-snot.â
Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is âoeTaco-snottingâ?
âoeTaco-snottingâ is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacoâ(TM)s face [go.com], dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, âoeTaco-snotting.â
And if thatâ(TM)s not bad enoughâ¦
A âoecircle-snotâ is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew [bastardgenres.com]. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel [aol.com], and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum â" spooging their jizz-snot all over each otherâ(TM)s faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyâ(TM)re covered head to toe with their own and each otherâ(TM)s man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.
To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each otherâ(TM)s spunk and whip each otherâ(TM)s pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.
Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
Hopefully, but I wouldnâ(TM)t count on it.
To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the âoeWilling to Snotâ checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and heâ(TM)s probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Thereâ(TM)s no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so itâ(TM)s probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacoâ(TM)s sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to âoeWilling to Snot.â Maybe heâ(TM)ll ignore you. Probably not.
I canâ(TM)t stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, hemight leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge⦠oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).
Have you ever been Taco-snotted?
Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention [amazon.com]. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some âoegourmet Tacos,â but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his âoeCommanderâ out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm⦠then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.
CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, âoeOpen Sauceâ â" man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass [yahoo.com] with his âoemonolithic kernel [yahoo.com];â his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their âoenetwork stackâ in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about âoeall those Censorware [spectacle.org] freaks out to get him.â
That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?
After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant â" I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Iâ(TM)m just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had alot of built-up spunk in their wads â" I couldâ(TM)ve easily been drowned!
Thatâ(TM)s horrible. Does âoeTaco-snottingâ have anything to do with CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ?
No, thatâ(TM)s a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll [slashdot.org] has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership [slashdot.org] about this vile practice (emphasis added):
You may be wondering what CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ is. You will be wishing that you hadnâ(TM)t been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his âoespecial taco,â CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his âoeCommanderâ), puts his âoespecial taco sauceâ on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacoâ(TM)s jizz?
After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacoâ(TM)s nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victimâ(TM)s ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatse.cx guy [goatse.cx]. Donâ(TM)t let it be you!
Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.
Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.
Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Heâ(TM)s also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile. Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnâ(TM)t involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doesâ(TM)t mean heâ(TM)s any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called âoejuicy-douching [aol.com]â with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyâ(TM)s urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boyâ(TM)s chained, naked bodies. If heâ(TM)s in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass [microsoft.com] onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.
Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenâ(TM)t enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatâ(TM)s anus [yahoo.com]. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatâ(TM)s small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.
â¦Are you getting hard writing this?
Why, yes.
No, thanks. Iâ(TM)m already CmdrTacoâ(TM)s boi toi.
________________________________________
* The URL of this document is
* Previous revisions are publicly available at
$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.16 2001/12/28 21:20:03 wipo Exp $
Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org] Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all heâ(TM)s done to make Slashdot a better place.
- posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters
fCOCO2fviU Post #603
Hello!
/whois on them and copy-paste the log into an e-mail and report it to me, and I'll ban them from the channel and the server. I will keep also your information confidential.
This site is an introduction for my IRC channels.
This page was last updated Id: index.html,v 1.17 2002/07/09 22:09:42 dildo Exp
If you wish to visit my channels, you are expected to stay current with the information on this page. Ignorance of the material on this site will not be tolerated in my channels.
Before I begin, I would like to mention that I'm not a technical support person, nor am I an Internet tutor. I'm not good at teaching people how to use their computers or software or how to get on IRC. However, there are tutorials all over the World Wide Web that will help you with IRC. One such site is http://www.irchelp.org/. My channels are on DALnet, which also has its own information pages at http://www.dal.net/. The answers to most of the technical questions you'll have about IRC are probably going to be on one of those two sites.
Also, please observe proper IRC etiquette in my channels as well as in any channel you visit in general. Some etiquette tips include...
Always read the topic of an IRC channel when you enter the channel before you do anything else in that channel. If the topic includes links or triggers to display rules, be sure to read those too before doing anything else. That may be the only warning you get of any rules that the channel may have and the ops have every right to kick-ban you for not following those rules. Ignorance is not an excuse.
Treat everyone with respect. Do not type anything that is excessively violent or offensive. Refrain from foul language. Do not shout, do not repeat yourself, and do not flood the channel.
Do not pick up or propagate viruses. Never type any trigger with "//.write" in any channel. Do not send viruses, and try to avoid receiving them. More information about IRC viruses can be found at http://www.nohack.net/
Do not spam, and do not listen to spam. Never advertise porn or warez in any respectable channel. Never do anything to encourage spammers. Every time you join a channel or follow a link that a spammer sent, you're only proving to the spammers that they're right. Also, spammers will also often spam viruses. Not only are you encouraging spammers, but you may also be doing something that will compromise your machine.
Do not use the IRC invite feature to invite random people into or out of channels.
Some other general rules specific to me...
Do not talk about anything related to my server (including but not limited to this site, the server, these channels, the keys, the IPs, the list, the password) in any public or on-line medium (including but not limited to any website, any web forum, any IRC channel, any newsgroup, any chat/messenger/peer-to-peer platforms) except in #hitler-babble. Especially, do not talk about it in #nazimanufacturer, and do not privately message people about the server and the supporting server bits. If someone asks you about it outside of #hitler-babble, please let me know.
Do not give, share, or trade the channel keys, the channel information, or the site information. If you want to share, please download the files and share the files instead.
You must be identified to nickserv@services.dal.net before entering my channels. I know DALnet services can be very flaky, but please bear with it, please don't ask me about it, and please don't hammer DALnet services because that only makes the problem worse. If Nickserv is down, you'll just have to wait patiently until it come back up. If it doesn't respond the first time, give it at least 10 minutes before trying again.
No non-ASCII characters in my channels. No bold, no colors, no upside-down question or exclamations, no accented characters, no blobs. Only standard 7-bit ASCII.
Treat everyone with respect and use common sense. The rules above are not designed to be comprehensive. Unacceptable behavior is still unacceptable even if it wasn't explicitly mentioned above.
So, onto the channels... I have created two channels for myself -- #hitler and #hitler-babble. The first channel is mostly for my automated bot. Since it was made for the bot, it's unreasonably strict and unforgiving. But that lends itself to a very short list of rules.
Rules for #hitler:
You may only type the approved triggers. Do not say anything else. No !list, no @find, no talking except for the approved triggers. The ops may talk to #hitler, but you should not respond. Be aware that the triggers are case-sensitive, will never include spaces or quotes, and may change without any warning other than a topic change. Do not add extraneous spaces before or after the triggers. Be careful since the bot is very sensitive. Check twice before you type. Do not make mistakes. Any mistakes will be banned without further warning. Bans stay there until DALnet erases them by accident, until the banlist fills up, or until I decide to erase the banlist. I plan to erase the banlist about once a month, so just wait and do not ask to be unbanned and do not try to avoid the ban. If you ask to be unbanned, or if you try to avoid the ban, the temporary ban will be turned into a permanent ban. I know it was an unintentional, honest, small, stupid mistake. However, if I can't trust you to type in a simple trigger without making mistakes, how can I trust you to make complex downloads without accidentally hammering my server? Also, I strongly believe that even unintentional stupidity needs to be punished. Otherwise, my server and I end up drowning in unintentially stupid mistakes all the time.
As of yet, I have no idea how destructive #hitler might be. It's vaguely possible that people in the channel might flood off repeatedly once things get going. I recommend (but won't enforce) that you use a separate nick and separate instance of your client for #hitler to avoid annoying other channels in case something goes wrong. I'm not entirely sure that the channel will be very stable for very long... Again, this is not required, just a suggestion.
Discussion belongs in #hitler-babble. I will not watch #hitler on a regular basis (since the bot will just ban misbehaving people), so if something happens there that needs attention, please come to #hitler-babble and let me know or send me e-mail.
I reserve the right to kick the entire channel and change the key at any time. When I do that, please understand that it's not personal, and it's not meant as a punitive measure or anything -- it's simply a part of the normal operation of the channel. I also reserve the right to change the key at any time without kicking people. I reserve the right to change the rules as well. I just reserve the right to change anything.
Any discussion about my server should take place in the second channel. I hope to keep this channel quiet enough so that someone can say something about the status of my server and it'll still be easy to find in my scrollback buffer hours later. If you want to discuss anything anything other than my server, please contribute to the discussion in other channels instead.
Rules for #hitler-babble:
Read and honor the topic and rules of the channel.
Do not pick up or propagate viruses.
Be warned that spoilers are okay in the channel.
Do not talk about the relevant sites or channels in anywhere other than #hitler-babble. Do not share the channel key or channel information. Do not use the IRC invite feature to invite people into or out of the channel.
You must be identified to DALnet before entering the channel. I know that DALnet services are very flaky, but please bear with it, please don't ask me about it, and please don't hammer DALnet services.
No computer-generated messages in this channel. No on-join messages, no welcome-back messages, no away messages, no leaving messages, no back messages, no play lists, no fserve ads, no periodic/timer messages, no remotes. Do not have or use triggers that will be seen by the whole channel, and do not use excessively tricky, annoying, or offensive triggers.
Do not use offensive language, nicks, or idents. Do not flood, do not repeat yourself excessively, do not spam, do not use all-caps, do not anti-idle in the channel, and do not use any form of Denial of Service attack.
Do not beg for ops, voice, sends, or resumes. When asking questions, try to ask specific questions (do not ask if you can ask a question, do not ask, "Are you there?").
I'm a resident of the United States, and my material is in English. Please understand English before you join the channel, and please speak mostly English or Japanese in the channel. Also, I'm subject to US laws, and I will do my best to enforce US licenses. Although you're welcome to discuss the plot, character development, and general quality of propaganda (even if it's licensed), please do not mention possession of pirated US-licensed materials, do not mention where to obtain such pirated materials, and do not mention you're looking for the pirated materials. I'm aware that it's hard to keep up with licenses, so mistakes will be tolerated, but when someone provides reasonable evidence that it's licensed in the US, please stop discussing possession (anyone's possession) or procurement (anyone's procurement) of the material -- whether you are in the United States or not.
I will allow other people to serve in this channel, but your server may be more appreciated elsewhere. If you insist on serving, please serve non-US-licensed propaganda only. No mp3s, no warez, no porn, and no US-licensed material of any form.
Treat everyone with respect and use common sense. The rules above are not designed to be comprehensive. Unacceptable behavior is still unacceptable even if it wasn't explicitly mentioned above.
I reserve the right to kick the entire channel and change the key at any time. When I do that, please understand that it's not personal, and it's not meant as a punitive measure or anything -- it's simply a part of the normal operation of the channel. I also reserve the right to change the key at any time without kicking people. I reserve the right to change the rules as well. I just reserve the right to change anything.
Now onto the next page...
This site is an introduction for my IRC channels.
This page was last updated Id: server.html,v 1.47 2002/07/19 18:21:51 dildo Exp
If you wish to visit my channels, you are expected to stay current with the information on this page. Ignorance of the material on this site will not be tolerated in my channels.
The channels and the bots within them are designed to protect my machine. Please remember the machine is my private property, and you are downloading from my machine at my expense. As such, I reserve the right to deny access to my machine without warning or explanation. Also, while the machine is my private property, I recognize that the data on the machine isn't. If you see anything on my machine that should not be served for whatever reason, please let me know so I can stop serving it.
In case anyone is curious, here are the system specs:
Hardware: Tatung Super COMPstation SPARCstation 20 clone
CPU: 2 x 60 MHz sparc Yes, 60 -- as in less than one hundred MHz. This is why I really need each and every downloader to be very nice to the server -- the server will support a lot of clients only if the clients are well behaved. Any one of the clients downloading from my server can completely overrun my machine and ruin the server for themselves and everyone else.)
RAM: 512MB
OS: Solaris 7
Disks: 6 x 80GB Maxtor IDE disks in a RAID 5 configuration (approx. 400GB usable on a SCSI bus that runs at 20MB/sec or 160Mbps), plus an independent 7th identical disk on a slow IDE-SCSI bridge/converter
Net: 100Mbps fastethernet card, colocated in a data center with dual OC12s (OC12 = 622Mbps). Current bandwidth usage.
How it works...
I assume you're here because you really want to download from my server. My file list is here. There is also an HTML version with sizes and dates (that even has the pathnames translated for you!) but the catch is that this version has a _huge_ table. If you're running on a slow machine you may be waiting a very long time for the page to come up. There's been a lot of problems with small, fast connections on my site, so I just changed things so you can't browse the site. Therefore, you need the list. That should eliminate small, fast connections. Do not share the list, do not link to the list, and do not give people the URL to the list. The list updates frequently.
Once you have the list and actually know you want something from it, first connect to a DALnet server. If you still don't know how to do that, you should go back and re-read the previous information.
After connecting to DALnet, join the channel called #hitler. There is a key on the channel. Do not ask for the key. Do not give anyone else the key. Do not even give anyone else hints on where to find the key.
Type the trigger in the topic. When the bot sees that trigger, it'll see how many connections there are and give you the information you need to get onto the site if there's an open slot. Please be patient. If the bot isn't in the channel, it obviously can't respond to you. Also, the server can be very full, and the bot doesn't always respond to everyone so it doesn't flood itself out of the channel. Every time the bot talks back to you, it'll ignore you for 10 minutes. For every time you try to talk to the bot while you're ignored, it'll ignore you for 10 additional minutes. There is no limit to the amount of time the bot will ignore you. In addition, be aware of topic changes. Once the topic changes, anyone still using the old trigger will be banned.
If you get a message saying you're in a suspect domain, it's because there has been a lot of abuse from your domain. You can still get onto the server, but you need to be added to the whitelist. To get onto the whitelist, you need to e-mail me with the following information:
The Subject: heading must be "Whitelist: {nickname}". Be sure to put the registered nickname you want to be whitelisted.
Copy-paste the entire output of "/nickserv info {nickname}" and "/whois {nickname}" into the e-mail message.
Specify whether your IP is static or dynamic.
State the name and the exact version number (like the information from the "Help->About" box) of the program you will be using to download. Go through and list everything you changed or double-checked in the settings, options, and/or preferences to make it play nicely with my server. I simply want to make sure that people know how to set their downloading software to not hammer the server before I let them on.
Please write up a paragraph or two about how you started getting into downloading propaganda and how you found this current rules web site.
Once you get the information from the bot, you need to glue that to the rest of the filename found in the list and download the full URL. Note that you also have to convert metacharacters into the proper URL. Some browsers will automatically do the translation for you. Many will not. More information about the client configuration is on the client page. If you use IE, make doubly sure to read the client page before downloading. If you simply do not want to use a client that can translate the url, get the HTML version of the list.
If you need to talk about the server or any of the related pieces, please visit #hitler-babble. Do not privately message anyone about the server, do not discuss it any other IRC channel, and do not mention it in any other location. Since you've made it here, please do not give anyone any information about ol|Dildo and do not give anyone the key to the channel it's in either. And, no matter what, never give or ask for any URLs, keys, or passwords related to my site or my channels, not even in #hitler-babble. If there are _technical_ problems with the URLs, keys, or passwords, however, that can be reported in #hitler-babble.
Server rules...
I personally don't like rules, and I had originally thought I could just assume people had some sort of common sense. I found out the hard way that I was so very incredibly wrong. Some people insisted that I put rules on my web site before they would stop doing things that were hurting the server even after I asked them nicely to stop. So here are the rules:
Do not talk about the gateway bot, the site, the server, or these channels, on any web site, any newsgroup, any web forum, any channel, or in any other place other than on #hitler-babble. No matter where you are, even if you're in #hitler-babble, do not give or ask for any related URLs, keys, or passwords. (This also includes keys for the gateway bot.)
Do not abuse or attack the server. Every client must be well behaved. Even one misbehaving client can ruin the server for everyone, including themselves.
One connection per person at a time. This also implies one file per person at a time. Do not download more than one file at once. Do not farm your downloads to multiple machines in a cluster. Do not use segmented downloads. Do not use download accelerators to open multiple connections for the same file. Do not get greedy. Know how your software works before you download from my site, and double-check the settings before you start. Ignorance, greed, stupidity, and mistakes by your little brother are no longer acceptable reasons to be unbanned.
Do not use bad passwords. Stop downloading if you get a bad password prompt. Verify your password or fix your download settings before continuing. I reserve the right to ban anyone trying bad passwords.
Do not hammer the server. Give the server time to download the page. Do not click "stop" too quickly. Do not click "reload" more often than once every 2 minutes. Set any download managers to wait 2 minutes in between retries and to not retry an error more than twice. If you ever see a 403 error, that means you have multiple connections. Either you're hammering or your client is trying to reconnect before the server has recognized the previous connection has died. If that happens, you need to back off even more and stop retrying so quickly.
Do not give out the site information or the site password. I use the bot to control how many people may try the site at the same time. If too many people try the site, it'll just hang. If you give the password to someone else, that means there are too many people hitting the server and things will become slow and unstable for everyone, including yourself. Do not ask anyone for the password either. If someone asks you for the password, or if anyone gives you the password, or if you see anyone giving someone else the password, please get their ident by doing a
I try to make sure that the material on this site is not licensed in the United States, but it may be licensed in your country. Please do not download episodes if they are licensed in your country. If I find that people from other countries are downloading episodes licensed in their countries, I may have to ban the whole country from the server because I don't want to deal with foreign authorities. Also, if something becomes licensed in the United States, please let me know, and I'll remove it.
The material on this site may not be appropriate for all audiences. There will be a very wide variety of data on this site, and there are no guarantees about the content here. Often, there will not be time to review the material on this site. By entering further into this site or downloading from this site, you agree that you will not hold anybody responsible for any of the content in this site, and neither will any of your representatives (such as parent or legal guardian). (Put simply, if you can't promise that your parents won't sue us, you can't download from this site.) Also, if you find that an episode does not work or if it pauses in strange places, please report the problem. Include the full pathname to the file, the symptoms you're experiencing, and the time index of the problem if applicable.
The rules above are not designed to be comprehensive. Unacceptable behavior is still unacceptable even if it wasn't explicitly mentioned above. In general, use common sense. If you are ever at all tempted to do something that might cause problems, just don't do it. If you're not sure if something is bad or not, ask permission before you do it. If you notice any mistakes in these rules, please let me know.
By visiting my server, you agree to stay current with and follow all the rules. If you agree, then you may use the channel key "Eat_Mydick" to get into the leeching channel. This is your only warning. If you break the rules, you may not get any further notices before being banned.
Contact information...
Dildo If you e-mail me, please include your nick, full ident, and IP address. I'll probably ignore messages if you don't include the information, and I'll probably ignore any e-mail that can be answered by reading this site carefully. If you're trying to report what you think is a problem, please copy-paste any potentially useful error messages you see into the message.
Upload ftp: ftp 127.0.01 port 21 username upload password upload Please note that the upload account does not support resumes.
More information about bans.
Request list: Last updated 2002 July 1.
IRC channels: #hitler and #hitler-babble on DALnet.
Other pages...
Notes about the files on the site (not done)
SFV checksums of every file on the site (not done)
Useful site news
Thank you to people who uploaded!
This site is an introduction for my IRC channels.
This page was last updated $Id: banfaq.html,v 1.11 2002/07/09 16:05:36 dildo Exp $
If you wish to visit my channels, you are expected to stay current with the information on this page. Ignorance of the material on this site will not be tolerated in my channels.
Bans Explained
I really hate having to ban people, but it's hard enough for my server to even keep up with serving episodes without having to deal with people who will destroy it in their eagerness to get anime. In order to protect my server from the few abusive people who can ruin my server for everyone else, I've had to come up with many different levels of bans. It can get confusing, so I figured I needed a page explaining the ways the pieces of my server can intentionally decide to not work for you.
I primarily use four types of bans. There are other bans, including AKicks and what not, but I haven't started using them yet. If I need to start using them, I'll update this page.
Bot Ignores
This is the least problematic type of "ban" and isn't really a ban at all. In the past, the bot was hammered by all the triggering, and it kept getting flooded out of the channel. So, the bot was programmed to protect itself from that. If you get ignored, simply wait it out. I cannot change the penalty times, even if it was DALnet's mistake.
Anti-flood Ignore. The bot is programmed to speak only once every TEN seconds. If it tries to reply to people any faster than that, it stands a risk of getting thrown off of DALnet. If you trigger the bot within two seconds of someone else, it will not reply to one of the people triggering. If you were the one ignored, simply wait a bit to make sure it wasn't lag and then try again. (Originally, the anti-flood ignore was 2 seconds, but now it's 10 because DALnet seems to have done something and the bot got K-Lined even on 2 second intervals.)
Excess triggering penalties. The bot is programmed to respond only once every 10 minutes for each person. Please make sure you do not trigger more often than once every 10 minutes. Every time you trigger the bot before the 10 minutes is up, it will refuse to reply to your triggers for another 10 minutes. For example, if you trigger the bot 5 times in a row, it will respond to the first trigger, but then it won't talk to you for 50 minutes, and if you try to trigger once more before the 50 minutes is up, then you have to wait a total of 60 minutes. In the past, some people have triggered so much, they were ignored for hours!
Note that DALnet is often unstable. It may prevent your request from getting through to the bot, and it may prevent the bot's responses from getting back to you. You often can't tell which, so it's generally safest to wait 10 minutes between triggers. Also, DALnet may send back spurious error messages even if the request and answer get through. If you see that, the DALnet server you are on is desynchronized from the bot's DALnet server. If you get a response, you probably don't need to report the error message to the channel ops because I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about it anyways.
Channel Bans
If you type anything other than the trigger in the trigger channel, you will be banned from the channel. This means that you will be prevented from entering the channel and no one (including the bot) will see what you type into the channel. Yes, I know it may be an honest mistake, minor typo, whatever, but it's a necessary precaution, and I really insist on people being very careful with my fragile little machine. The ban list in the channel is limited to 100, and when it fills up (or when there has been a month without anyone asking to be unbanned), I will clear the ban list and re-key the channels. If you get banned from the channel, simply wait for the next cleaning. Do not ask to be unbanned under any circumstances. If you think there was an error, you may report it so we can try to fix it, but do not ask to be unbanned. Asking to be unbanned will earn you a permanent ban (see "Bot Bans" below) and a place on my news page. Also, reporting a "problem" or asking me to double-check on things when you've simply made a typo may earn you a permanent ban too. I accept that there may be problems with DALnet, but I will not accept people wasting my time either because they can't be bothered to scroll up and see their own typing mistakes or because they think they can deceive me. Finally, do not avoid the ban. Obviously, the channel bans are trivially easy to circumvent with the right resources, but the wait time is usually less than a month. Just watch the news for indication of a cleaning before you try to go back into the channel. Avoiding a ban indicates you're just destructively greedy and care nothing for the server, and that makes me very unwilling and unhappy about sharing my resources with you.
IP Bans
If you have the right password and still cannot download from the server, it might be that the Internet is having problems. But, it might also be an IP Ban. IP Bans usually occur because you were "hammering" -- you were trying to open multiple simultaneous connections or you were trying to open connections too quickly (usually because you do not have enough delay between retrying bad passwords). In such cases, you can get unbanned, but you need to prove that you can use your downloading software in such a way that it will not hurt my server. You can tell if you were banned at the IP layer if you point a web browser at the server's address. If you are banned, it will say "You have been banned." If it asks you for a password or gives you a 401, 403, or 404 error, you're probably not banned, so please check other things first. The directions of how to get unbanned are on the banned page. If you have a dynamic IP address, do not simply reboot to get around the ban. Make sure you fix your settings so they won't hammer again. If you reboot to bypass a ban and continue to hammer, I may choose to put in a Bot Ban and I may choose to ban your whole ISP. If I choose to ban your whole ISP, everyone on your ISP will see your nick as the reason why they can't get in...
Bot Bans
A Bot Ban is when you trigger the bot and it response with a message saying that you are banned. It requires me to kill and restart the bot to add or remove bot bans, so I really dislike adding or removing such bans. Reasons you might get a bot ban include...
Site information sharing. If you share any of the information about my site, ask for information via non-approved methods, or even casually discuss my current setup anywhere other than -babble, then go away and never come back. I do not have the resources to share with everyone, and things are set up so that the people who can find their own way here usually possess qualities that make them the type I want to share with. I'm not interested in sharing with random leechers who are just out to find a big, fast anime server, and I'm probably not interested in sharing with your brother or your best friend if they can't find their own way here. But, if there is someone that you think really, really should have access, you can discuss it with me, and I may decide to invite them and send the relevent details (_I_ may share information if I choose -- it's my server after all). In particular, you may _not_ share the following pieces of information to anyone other than the -babble operators (me, Treblinka, or Göring), and even then, verify that they are indeed an operator in -babble before you give the information (to try to prevent sharing the information with impersonators):
The username and password for downloading from the server. Under no circumstances should this ever be shared. Ever. Not with your brother, your roommate, your best friend, and not even with the -babble ops. This password lets the bot control how loaded the server gets. Sharing the password makes the server suffer. In addition to the normal random rotation, the password will change if the server gets overloaded.
The URLs or IP addresses or port numbers of the rules site or the downloading site.
The method of obtaining the information about my server and related pieces. This is the mostly likely piece of information that the -babble ops would ask for to verify that you are allowed in my channels. If you do not answer this question to the best of your ability, you will not be allowed to stay.
The key to either of my channels or the gateway channel. (I know people sometimes casually mention the key to the gateway channel. It's only fine as long as they don't know about my larger server. Since you're here, you know better, and it's no longer okay for you to share it.)
The list from the gateway bot.
More than five full pathnames from the server list. You may mention up to five full pathnames to ask for help with problems downloading or to ask people to verify if files are complete.
The list of forbidden information above is not complete, and other pieces of information may be forbidden. Use common sense. I would like all discussion about the server should take place in -babble, but I recognize that private conversations might be necessary. If you must discuss anything about my server or its related pieces in private conversation, you still may not give or ask for the information listed above, and you must both be in the trigger channel. Any talk at all about the server, its related pieces, or even the existence of any of the pieces in any place other than -babble may get you banned. Please report any violation of this rule.
Leak information withholding. If Göring, Treblinka, or I initiate an interrogation via -babble and you continue to withhold information about how you found out about my server, you may be permanently banned at the bot. If you should decide to provide solid, provable information about how you got in, let me know and I will unban you, but be warned in advance that I will take action against those who leaked the information. Those who share information about my site forfeit their opportunity to download from the site.
Taking advantage of dynamic IPs. A lot of the bans depend on your IP. People with dynamic IPs have an unfair advantage in that they can get a new IP and continue the abuse. If you intentionally use your dynamic IP to continue abuse beyond a ban, you may be banned at the bot layer which has far more flexible pattern matching abilities. Note that this means that hopping IPs when committing a typo in the trigger channel may turn a month-long ban into a permanent ban. Also, if you have a dynamic IP hammering my server, I may choose to ban you at the bot instead of (or in addition to) banning your whole ISP, in which case, you have to prove to me that you figured out how to use your downloading software.
Remember that you must always include your nick, ident, and IP(s) when you e-mail me. If you're e-mailing about a ban, please include exactly what type of ban you are under, and make sure to include the word "ban" in the subject line. As you can see, there are a lot of ways for you to be banned, and it'll take me a long time to find where you were banned if you don't tell me. If you e-mail me without the necessary information, I will simply ignore your message. Also, I'm often very busy. If I haven't replied to your message within a month and you included all the necessary information, try e-mailing me again (with all the necessary information) because that means I probably lost track of your message. It is much easier to follow the rules than to have me unban you, so please be careful and try to not get banned.
(Thanks to Göring for reading over and providing suggestions for this page and for creating the first Bot FAQ back before the bot had its own channels.)
-- Dildo
(this text copy pasted from the site, names and additional data changed at the threat of ban for sharing this information)
The End of FreeBSD
[ed. note: in the following text, former FreeBSD developer Mike Smith gives his reasons for abandoning FreeBSD]
When I stood for election to the FreeBSD core team nearly two years ago, many of you will recall that it was after a long series of debates during which I maintained that too much organisation, too many rules and too much formality would be a bad thing for the project.
Today, as I read the latest discussions on the future of the FreeBSD project, I see the same problem; a few new faces and many of the old going over the same tired arguments and suggesting variations on the same worthless schemes. Frankly I'm sick of it.
FreeBSD used to be fun. It used to be about doing things the right way. It used to be something that you could sink your teeth into when the mundane chores of programming for a living got you down. It was something cool and exciting; a way to spend your spare time on an endeavour you loved that was at the same time wholesome and worthwhile.
It's not anymore. It's about bylaws and committees and reports and milestones, telling others what to do and doing what you're told. It's about who can rant the longest or shout the loudest or mislead the most people into a bloc in order to legitimise doing what they think is best. Individuals notwithstanding, the project as a whole has lost track of where it's going, and has instead become obsessed with process and mechanics.
So I'm leaving core. I don't want to feel like I should be "doing something" about a project that has lost interest in having something done for it. I don't have the energy to fight what has clearly become a losing battle; I have a life to live and a job to keep, and I won't achieve any of the goals I personally consider worthwhile if I remain obligated to care for the project.
Discussion
I'm sure that I've offended some people already; I'm sure that by the time I'm done here, I'll have offended more. If you feel a need to play to the crowd in your replies rather than make a sincere effort to address the problems I'm discussing here, please do us the courtesy of playing your politics openly.
From a technical perspective, the project faces a set of challenges that significantly outstrips our ability to deliver. Some of the resources that we need to address these challenges are tied up in the fruitless metadiscussions that have raged since we made the mistake of electing officers. Others have left in disgust, or been driven out by the culture of abuse and distraction that has grown up since then. More may well remain available to recruitment, but while the project is busy infighting our chances for successful outreach are sorely diminished.
There's no simple solution to this. For the project to move forward, one or the other of the warring philosophies must win out; either the project returns to its laid-back roots and gets on with the work, or it transforms into a super-organised engineering project and executes a brilliant plan to deliver what, ultimately, we all know we want.
Whatever path is chosen, whatever balance is struck, the choosing and the striking are the important parts. The current indecision and endless conflict are incompatible with any sort of progress.
Trying to dissect the above is far beyond the scope of any parting shot, no matter how distended. All I can really ask of you all is to let go of the minutiae for a moment and take a look at the big picture. What is the ultimate goal here? How can we get there with as little overhead as possible? How would you like to be treated by your fellow travellers?
Shouts
To the Slashdot "BSD is dying" crowd - big deal. Death is part of the cycle; take a look at your soft, pallid bodies and consider that right this very moment, parts of you are dying. See? It's not so bad.
To the bulk of the FreeBSD committerbase and the developer community at large - keep your eyes on the real goals. It's when you get distracted by the politickers that they sideline you. The tireless work that you perform keeping the system clean and building is what provides the platform for the obsessives and the prima donnas to have their moments in the sun. In the end, we need you all; in order to go forwards we must first avoid going backwards.
To the paranoid conspiracy theorists - yes, I work for Apple too. No, my resignation wasn't on Steve's direct orders, or in any way related to work I'm doing, may do, may not do, or indeed what was in the tea I had at lunchtime today. It's about real problems that the project faces, real problems that the project has brought upon itself. You can't escape them by inventing excuses about outside influence, the problem stems from within.
To the politically obsessed - give it a break, if you can. No, the project isn't a lemonade stand anymore, but it's not a world-spanning corporate juggernaut either and some of the more grandiose visions going around are in need of a solid dose of reality. Keep it simple, stupid.
To the grandstanders, the prima donnas, and anyone that thinks that they can hold the project to ransom for their own agenda - give it a break, if you can. When the current core were elected, we took a conscious stand against vigorous sanctions, and some of you have exploited that. A new core is going to have to decide whether to repeat this mistake or get tough. I hope they learn from our errors.
Future
I started work on FreeBSD because it was fun. If I'm going to continue, it has to be fun again. There are things I still feel obligated to do, and with any luck I'll find the time to meet those obligations.
However I don't feel an obligation to get involved in the political mess the project is in right now. I tried, I burnt out. I don't feel that my efforts were worthwhile. So I won't be standing for election, I won't be shouting from the sidelines, and I probably won't vote in the next round of ballots.
You could say I'm packing up my toys. I'm not going home just yet, but I'm not going to play unless you can work out how to make the project somewhere fun to be again.
= Mike
--
- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs
PvPgS18a0q Post #605
WERE ALL GONNA DIE!
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Credits: anonymous
"Mmmm... this feels good..." I sighed.
"Shhh!" hissed Hemos. "We don't want Mark to come in here!"
True. Having Hemos's 16 year-old brother walk in on us at that moment would not be good. I didn't think he'd be too cool with finding his 12 year-old brother lying naked with me, holding my 11 year-old dick in his hands. But, in all fairness, my hands were eagerly playing with Hemos's dick and balls at that moment, too.
Hemos's mom and dad had gone to the drive-in, leaving his big brother in charge. In our favor, leaving Mark in charge pretty much guaranteed that we weren't to bother him, and in turn, he'd leave us alone unless we were making too much noise or breaking something. Well, we were being careful to keep quiet because we very much wanted to be left alone.
We were in Hemos's twin bed, snuggled under the covers with our underwear pushed down to the foot of the bed. The only illumination in the room came from the faint sliver of light that crept in under his bedroom door. Even in the shadows I could make out the shape of my friend; about my height, but heavier. (Hell, I was such a skinny runt that everyone was heavier than me.) Hemos had a crew-cut of white-blonde hair, and was only starting to sprout some pubic hair. But, you had to feel for it because what little pubic hair he possessed was as blonde as the short hair on his hea and could not yet be seen by even a minimal distance.
And, I was happily feeling for it, running my hands all over Hemos's slightly larger erection and fondling his larger testicles while he courteously stroked my dick. I could tell that he didn't possess the same enthusiasm for cockplay as I did, unless you count his appreciation for the attention devoted to his member. And I knew that my willingness to satisfy his sexual urges was one of the few reasons he even had me sleep over at his place. But, I didn't let that stop me from finding pleasure in the handling of his meat.
I'd recently had an "introduction", of sorts, to seeing what someone could do with a man's dick with their mouth. While spending the night with my Uncle Jerry a couple weeks before, while I watched in secret, I was treated to a visual display of the intensity and unabashed pleasure that my uncle had obviously enjoyed having another man suck on his cock. From that moment on, I had a yearning that I needed to satisfy. With who was my only question.
I guess it was time to find out.
"I... heard that sucking on it feels even better than playing with it." I ventured.
In the darkness, I could feel a slight jerk of revulsion in Hemos's body.
"Put a dick in your mouth?" he croaked.
"Well, " I countered, my heart pounding with anxiety, "I think adults do it all the time."
"Well, I'm not gonna do it!" Hemos hissed. "That's homo stuff!"
"Yeah." I sighed disappointedly, while still playing with Hemos's dick. "I guess it is."
As I stroked his shaft in a steadier, milking rhythm, I could sense Hemos's breaths getting quicker. His manipulations of my dick began to falter as I could feel his body tense beside me. His hips rocked slightly in time with my pumping of his cock, and I cradled his balls tenderly in my other hand. When any attentions to my own dick has completely ebbed, I knew what was about to happen, so I picked up the pace just a bit more while lending a touch more pressure in my grip. Finally, Hemos's breath caught in his throat, and he turned his face fully into his pillow to stifle the moans that broke free as his cock pulsed and throbbed in a dry orgasm within my hands. I continued to massage him and didn't release him from my grasp until his member had gone fully soft.
"Man," sighed Hemos dreamily after finally catching his breath. "You are so good at that, CmdrTaco."
At least I had something to be proud of, I guess, as my friend gently withdrew himself from me and rolled onto his back.
Even though I was only eleven, the irony of Hemos's words and actions were not lost on me. My sucking on him would have been a "homo" thing, but beating him off was okay. Go figure. Within the few moments I had spent mulling over the irony of the thoughts, Hemos had drifted off to sleep. I slipped out from under the covers and down to the cool floor so I could masturbate without shaking the bed. As I toyed with my own dick, I imagined Hemos's cock in my mouth, wondering if the chance would ever really come. Finally, my own climax washed over me, and I got back into the bed.
I don't sleep real well to begin with, and even worse when I'm not in my own bed. And now, with the thoughts of a dick so close to me, as well as the vivid memories of secretly seeing man-to-man cocksucking pleasure floating through my prepubescent, sex-filled brain, I was not about to fall asleep anytime soon. Lying awake until around 11:30, I finally decided that I needed to do something to satisfy my hungers, or I'd never be able to let it rest. The trick was in finding the guts to follow through.
I knew that whenever Hemos fell asleep, he pretty much stayed asleep. So, since he was sleeping soundly, lying on his back, I took a deep breath and gingerly ducked my head under the covers and scooted down as much as I could to the foot of the bed. That put my head right at Hemos's hip level. I raised my head and upper body to help create a tent over his crotch. Sniffing around, I found the faint scent of young penis flesh. I inhaled deeply, both in the love of the scent, and in an attempt to slow my pounding heart. I opened my mouth wide over the area where I sensed Hemos's dick to be, and lowered my mouth squarely over his soft cock and balls until I could feel his sparse pubic hairs tickling my cheek. I finally had a dick in my mouth! I just wasn't sure what I'd do if Hemos woke to find his "homo" friend in this situation.
I remained like that for a long moment, partially in fear of trying anything more, and partly to savor the moment. I carefully let my tongue start to explore his tender penile flesh, enjoying the texture. Then came the excitement that welled within me as his cock began to respond to my attentions and harden in my warm and wet mouth! Butterflies seemed to explode in my stomach and drown out my heartbeat as I felt his dick get to its full size in my mouth. Concentrating in that dark environment, I found myself beginning to identify the shape of his member by taste. The shaft actually seemed to taste different than the head, and the thin skin of his scrotum seemed to harbor another distinct flavor.
I started to softly suck on Hemos's dick, becoming fascinated at how it just seemed to, well, 'fit' in my mouth... how the head lent itself to the back of my tongue, and how the shaft rested between my tongue and the roof of my mouth. My excitement was so great that my own recently satisfied dick was responding again, inviting me to play. I was sucking a cock, and I was in heaven!
However, within seconds, Hemos seemed to get restless. In fear, I quickly pulled my mouth away from Hemos's candy stick and held still. The covers rustled, and pulled back.
"Whatcha doin'?" mumbled Hemos.
"I... uh... was trying to find my shorts down here," I lied, starting to fumble near our feet. Well, partial lie, because it was a good idea to do so, anyway, and now was as good a time as any.
"Oh, yeah," said Hemos. "Get mine, too, willya?"
"S-sure" I stammered, relieved.
I located the two items of clothing and scooted back up towards the head of the bed. Thankfully, our underwear were pretty easy to distinguish since Hemos wore boxers, and I wore briefs. We both fumbled to put them on in the dark, and then settled back into the bed. I lay stiffly on my back, still harboring some fear that my friend discovered more than he let on, but Hemos simply rolled onto his side, facing away from me, and promptly went back to sleep.
And, here I was again, so close to my fantasies, yet still so far.
And very much awake.
After hearing the clock in the hallway chime midnight, I finally got up to go to the bathroom. Figuring it was late enough not to be an issue, and since even if Hemos's parents were home that they would be in their own bedroom downstairs, I didn't bother to slip on my pants for the short trip down the hall. I walked softly to the bedroom door, and then stepped out into the hallway, illuminated dimly by a bare-bulb night light. I walked past big brother Mark's door to the bathroom at the end of the hall and turned on the light as I shut the door.
Peeing into the toilet, I looked up at my reflection in the large mirror and smiled slyly to myself. I actually sucked on a dick, even if for only a moment! At that moment I was Rob Maldo, secret agent double-O-seven, who could sneak in and suck a dick, and sneak away without being caught!
I flushed the toilet and switched out the light as I headed back down the hall. Slipping past Mark's door once again, the door flew open, and a hand covered my mouth while a muscular arm snapped around my waist and drew me into the room. Squirming in the arms of Hemos's athletic older brother was a waste of effort, and he only squeezed harder until I settled down.
"You'll keep quiet if you know what's good for you,' growled Mark into my ear. "You gonna be quiet?"
I nodded. Mark let go of my mouth and reached over to close his bedroom door, the other hand and arm still holding me firmly with my feet off the ground. I heard something click, and recalled, and not without a certain amount of childish fear, that Mark had a lock on his door.
The room had a yellowish glow from the large lava lamp next to Mark's bed. He took me over to the bed and tossed me face down onto it, kneeling next to me. I thought briefly about trying to get up and run, but to where?
When I felt Mark's hands on me again, I was determined to fight him off, but I was no match for him as he flipped me onto my back and straddled me, sitting squarely on my upper chest, his knees pinning my shoulders and my arms locked between his legs. I gazed up at his lean, muscled torso, his stern blue eyes under a tussled mane of reddish-blonde hair. I could feel the soft fabric of his boxers against my chin.
"Can't get up, can ya?" he said, grinning down at me, all snide and victorious.
I struggled a bit, more out of obligation, but knew it was no use. Mark was just too big for me.
"Whatsamatter?" huffed Mark. "You too weak to fight? Or, maybe you just like laying there, sniffing dicks?"
I started squirming a bit harder, but Mark's legs only clamped tighter. At least he had scooted down a bit, and was no longer suffocating me with his weight on my chest.
"Yeah! Maybe you're a homo-boy who just likes sniffing dicks. Maybe you wanna sniff my big dick?"
I didn't care for where this was going, and I wasn't too comfortable with the tone of Mark's voice. But, I was also not being given much of a choice in the matter. Especially when Mark reached into the fly of his boxers and pulled out his cock.
"Here you are, homo-boy... a nice, fresh big-man dick!" grinned Mark fiendishly. "Ain't it a beaut?"
He held it out for me, then leaned forward and started to rub his cock on my face, tracing my cheeks and nose with the bulbous head. His testicles soon followed his dick through the opening, until they were dangling on my chin, the coarse pubes tickling my lips. Their faint musky scent began to fill my nostrils.
"CmdrTaco's just a little dick-faced homo-boy, ain't he?" sneered Mark, sliding his cock across my face. "I saw you in there, your head under the covers. What were you doing? Giving my little brother a blow job?"
I didn't answer. I was at once shocked at the thought of having been discovered, and confused by Mark's remark. I then guessed that he meant sucking a dick was called a 'blow job'. But... you're not blowing, you're sucking, and-
"You were, weren't you, you little homo!"
It was obvious what had happened; that Mark had looked in on us to find my head under the blankets. I thought I had sensed a miniscule change in the light, but assumed that to be part of my excitement. That must have been what woke Hemos up so suddenly.
"So, maybe you aren't just dick-faced, " he said, rubbing his cock on my face again. "Maybe you're a dick sucker!" He leaned forward, mashing his hairy ball sack into my nose, then pulling back to trace my features again with his member. But, even as Mark taunted me, treating his cock as a threatening weapon, there was something else happening.
He was getting a boner.
And as I closed my eyes, I could feel his cock thickening against my face. I could sense the heat of his hardening dick directly on my flesh. And, I found I was enjoying the sensations of this older cock against my face. There would soon be no way of hiding the fact that I was getting excited, too.
"So, dick-sucker-CmdrTaco... you're gonna suck my dick, now."
My eyes sprung open to see Mark's fully erect cock pointing at my face. While it wasn't huge (I had already seen 'huge' with my Uncle Jerry), it was still big enough to scare me.
And excite me to no end.
"Open wide, homo-boy."
Without another moment of hesitation, or taking my eyes off of Mark's sleek tool, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and watched as he leaned down and slid that beautiful cock into my waiting mouth. I then settled my tongue against the bottom half of his shaft while I could feel the upper half press against the roof of my mouth. Its texture was soft, yet hard; smooth, yet distinct.
"There," he sighed. "Now, you have a real dick to suck on. Now, get started, suck-boy!"
It was so much bigger than Hemos's young dick, I wasn't sure if I could get enough suction worked up to suck on it. It was then that I found out what sucking a cock is really all about: friction.
Mark held the base of his dick to guide himself and started to pump into my mouth, sliding his dick in and out of my salivating lips. He would slip in precariously between my teeth until he was near to choke me, then pull back out until the base of the bulbous head was just close to popping free from my lips, held in place by the suction of my mouth. Then he... we... would do it all over again... over and over... and gloriously over again.
"Oh, you are good, CmdrTaco," he moaned softly. "You suck cock real good."
I don't know about that; it seemed he was doing all the real work. But, I wanted it to be good. I wanted to have this dick in my mouth. And I wanted it again and again. I was definitely enjoying the oral sensations as his near-adult dick worked back and forth in my hungry mouth, and I wanted so much to please him so he would want my mouth again.
Mark placed his other hand on the top of my head to steady me as his thrusts became a little more erratic. His breath quickened, and I could sense that he was trying hard not to ram himself all the way down my throat and choke me. He was making little grunts with each thrust, and I could feel his dick turn to stone in my mouth when, in a mix of fear and excitement, I suddenly recalled what would happen next.
"Oh, baby... oh, fuck..."
Mark's movements got all quick and jerky. I was almost afraid to breathe.
"OHHHH!!!" he moaned, pulling out of my mouth and letting loose with a burst of white goo that seemed to splatter all over as he pumped his dick with his fist. My head still held firmly in his other hand, the warm liquid flew partly into my still open mouth, and all over my nose and eyebrows. I swallowed briefly, not sure whether to gag or hope for more, tasting fully the salty and musky liquid, then opened my mouth once more as Mark stuck his creaming cock back in and worked the thick fluid throughout my young mouth.
I sucked until Mark went soft and withdrew his spent dick. He smiled down at me, obviously proud of what he had done. He finally got off of me (good thing since I thought my arms were going to fall off) and stood there for a moment, an interesting picture with his hands on his hips, and his drained cock and balls hanging out of the fly of his plaid boxers. I just lay there with his juices clinging to my skin, wanting to do it all over again.
Mark bent down and picked up a t-shirt, and proceeded to wipe the remainder of his goo off my face. Finished with that, he tossed the shirt into a hamper and walked over to his bedroom door to unlock it as he tucked his manhood back into his underwear.
"You better get back into Hemos's bed before mom and dad find you here," he said softly.
I reluctantly got off Mark's bed and walked to the door. As I was about to exit, he reached out to stop me briefly.
"You liked that, didn't you, homo-boy?"
I nodded, not sure where he was going with this inquiry.
"Your first taste of cum?"
I shrugged, then nodded again.
"If you're good, maybe I'll let you suck my dick again some time, CmdrTaco. Now, get your ass out of here before I kick it."
I stepped out of the room and felt the door close harshly behind me. I could still taste traces of Mark's cum in my mouth, could still sense the friction of his cock on my tongue. I smiled in remembrance.
I was hooked.
- posted by poopbot: who doesn't like scat?
IxgAXJoPbe Post #606
is a terrorist!!
Among the various ways that the Apostle Paul describes the relationship of the New Testament saint to the law is included the phrase hupo nomon ("under law"). The phrase is unique to Paul and its theologically significant occurrences are found in Romans and Galatians, where it is used-to describe the following: (1) a dominion under which one may live as opposed to grace and which holds one under the rule of sin (Rom. 6:14-15); (2) an earlier epoch of redemptive history which served a divinely-appointed function before faith came (Gal. 3:23); (3) the realm under which Christ was born with the stated purpose of redeeming those in that same "under law" position because such a position was one where the full privileges of sonship could not be realized (Gal. 4:4-5); (4) the realm from which an individual is automatically excluded if the leading of the Holy Spirit is a reality (Gal. 5:18). In view of the content that Paul invests in this phrase, it is not hard to see how it was incomprehensible to him that someone would want to return to the bondage of an "under law" position (Gal. 4:21). The phrase occurs in only one other passage in the New Testament, I Cor. 9:20. There it describes a realm which dictated and defined an observably different life-style, i.e., the outward piety of Jewish ceremonialism, which Paul had the liberty to defer to when taking the gospel into the context of the Jews' religion.
... which the law has for man and which makes him live in a condition of slavery, Paul expresses in the set phrase "to be under the law"... Although this expression is used with nuances, it denotes in the passages that are characteristic for the present connection not merely that God has subjected man to the norm of the law, but rather that he lives, groans, has been put in chains as a prisoner, a slave, one who is underage, under the hostile, enslaving power of the law; a bondage from which only the regime of divine grace can deliver him (Rom. 7:14; 8:2; Gal. 4:5).1
... 4
... It is not at all clear that it has any claim to exist, especially at this period... "5 So Bultmann's conclusions were too specific, and more than the evidence could bear.
... " 6:10
... Volume two my biography opened with my resurrection. My old life having finished, a new life to God has begun ... We are to keep saying to ourselves, 'Volume one has closed. You are now living in volume two. It is inconceivable that you should reopen volume one. It is not 9 impossible, but it is inconceivable.'
... the exegete must make a conscious attempt to trace the progressive development of the text's meaning as the canon containing it grew. As the text's literary parameters expanded its meaning became more full and precise. With regard to this dimension of exegetical study, often overlooked by those schooled in the grammatico-historical approach, a student should ask of Psalm 2, for example, what this coronation liturgy meant during the First Temple when David's sons were installed on Mount Zion to rule over God's kingdom? What did it mean during the Second Temple when the Old Testament canon took its final shape and when there was no king in Israel? And what does it mean in the New Testament when Jesus Christ fulfilled the psalm's vision and assumed his throne in the heavenly Mount Zion (Acts 4:23-27-, 13:32-33; 1:3-5; 12:22-24)?19
... There is no question of a new law or of no law. Neither God changes nor His law. The difference between the old and new covenants is that under the former that law is written on tablets of stone... whereas under the latter the law is written internally within the redeemed heart.. ." P.E. Hughes, The Second Epistle to the Corinthians (Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1962), p. 94. 0. Palmer Robertson says: "The substance of covenant law will provide a basis for continuity between old and new covenants. Indeed, God shall write his will on the fleshly tablets of the heart, in contrast with the older engraving of his law on stone tablets. But it will be essentially the same law of God that will be the substance of this engraving." 0. Palmer Robertson, The Christ of the Covenants (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1980), pp. 281-282.
One can readily see from the occurrences of this phrase that the cumulative thrust is pronouncedly negative. Ridderbos has observed this same connotation in the phrase. He says:
This whole negative significance
Thus, it would be fair to characterize this phrase as one that Paul employs to deliver a sustained and emphatic attack on the religion of law from which the Damascus road encounter had delivered him. Because such language is an overstatement in the mind of some, it will be the purpose of this chapter to study this phrase more carefully, giving special attention to its occurrence in ?.cm. 6:14-15, with a view to elucidating the contribution that it makes to the understanding of the redemptive-historical shift from the Old Covenant to the New Covenant.
"Hupo Nomon" in Romans 6:14-15
1. Paul and the Stoic-Cynic Diatribe
Since Rudolph Bultmann first argued in 1910 that Paul in the earlier chapters of Romans made use of a literary device known as the Stoic-Cynic diatribe, many commentators have explained the form of Rom. 6:1-7:25 by an appeal to such a device. The supposed form of the diatribe, barn of a Socratic tradition, was the arrangement of material around a question-answer format, and since the questions were stylistically engendered, dictated by the diatribe form itself, the "opponents" which seem to be in view are more imaginary than real.2 So it is thought that the questions of Rom 6:1, 15; 7:7, 13 represent opponents that Paul has created for the sake of surfacing leading implications in his thought and advancing his argument. However, recent studies have begun to question the use of such a rhetorical genre in Romans. For example, in 1974 Karl Donfried, after reviewing Bultmann's research and lining it up against the work of several eminent classicists, concluded that what Bultmann had shown was not that Paul had been influenced by the diatribe form, but that he was influenced only by rhetorical patterns which were common and widespread in the Graeco-Roman world. Therefore, to deny that Romans could be addressed to a specific situation or envision specific opponents because it utilized such patterns was incorrect.3 In fact, Donfried continues,
Similar rhetorical influences appear in Gal. and in the Corinthian correspondence, yet Paul, in these letters, is addressing himself to a specific set of problems which he hopes to solve. The point, then, is that one should be most careful in objecting to the "specificity" of Romans in dealing with live issues in Rome on the basis of a supposed influence of the diatribe
Donfried goes on to point out that it has yet to be established that there even exists such a diatribe form. In the words of one classicist, the Stoic-Cynic diatribe is "a kind of literary counterpart to the redeemed-redeemer myth of the History of Religions school...It is a ghost summoned up for lack of a more adequate explanation of what confronts us
Appealing to the evidence that may be gleaned from the New Testament itself regarding the Judaizing opponents that Paul continually battles, it is far simpler to see Paul in Romans taking real Jewish objections repeatedly directed against aspects of his teaching, and sifting, collating, and arranging them in a logical and coherent pattern, for the purpose of using them to accentuate the truth as it is in Christ. As a matter of fact, since each question in chapters 6 and 7 begins with the inferential particle oun, these four question-answer units should be viewed in some sense as logically growing out of each other, which in turn means that these chapters should be studied as a unit.
2. The Thematic Structure of Romans 6:1-7:6
It is important to remember that Paul's perspective, in Romans is redemptive-historical. This fact becomes no more apparent than in Rom. 5:12-21, where Paul develops a contrast between the old age and the new age around mankind's two representative heads -- Adam and Christ. The old aeon began when through the transgression of the one man, Adam, sin entered (eiserchomai) into the world and death through sin. Then later the law entered in alongside (pareiserchomai) in order to multiply the presence of transgression. So the two fundamental realities of the old aeon were sin and law, and it was characterized as an age where "sin reigned in death" (5:21). By contrast, the new age in Christ is marked by the powerful intrusion and superabounding reign of grace through righteousness unto eternal life (5:15, 17, 20- 21).
Paul's reference to the rule of sin and law in the Adamic aeon is amplified in chapters 6-7. In chapter 6, the reign of grace is declared to deliver from the dominion of sin, sin as a tyrannically ruling force. In chapter 7, the reign of grace is set forth as delivering from the dominion of the law. Consequently, the relationship of chapter 5 to chapters 6-7 functions at the level of a rehearsal of what has happened in redemptive history, and not simply and superficially at the level of justification (ch. 5) and sanctification (ch. 6-7) as these chapters are usually approached. From this standpoint, chapters 6-7 follow quite naturally from chapter 5 as the more specific development of features of the life in the new age in Christ, life whose reference point is the inaugurated eschatology which began in the epiphany of Christ.6 Paul is amplifying what it means to live under the reign of grace.
As has been pointed out, Paul draws out the implications of this new life in Christ by means of answering particular Jewish objections. In surveying the thematic structure of 6:1-7:6, in the interests of space and visual clarity, the material will be presented in conjunction with an outline.
Freedom from the Dominion of Sin and the Law:
The Thematic Structure of Rom. 6:1-7:6
I. First Question - Answer Cycle 6:1-14
A. The Question 6:1
The first question grows out of Paul's presentation of justification within the context of the statement, "where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more" (5:20). The verbs express in the clearest manner the triumph of grace over sin. The question then comes: "Are we not able, or even obliged, by the logic of justification, to continue in sin, in order that we might give divine grace as much opportunity as possible to display itself? Greater sinning seems to be the necessary prerequisite of greater grace."7
B. The Answer 6:2-14
1. In Summary 6:2
Paul responds with me genoito ("May it never be!), and then follows with his own question: "How shall we who died to the dominion of sin continue to live in its realm?"
2. In Detail 6:3-14
The conjunction "or" opening vs. 3 suggests that believers who would reason in the manner of vs. 1 may not have an adequate enough grasp of the character of their new life in Christ to be impacted by Paul's counter-response in vs. 2. The sense seems to be: "Or is it the ease that you do not realize the basis of my response in vs. 2?"
a. The Central Proposition: God has positionally united us with Christ's death and resurrection, and thereby moved us into the new age, where we may walk in newness of life. 6:3-4
b. The Development of the Proposition 6:5-10
Paul develops the proposition in two cycles:
1) What does it mean to be united with Christ's death? 6:S-7
"If..." 6:5
"Knowing..." 6:6
"For..." 6:7
(2) What does it mean to be united with Christ's resurrection?
"If..." 6:8 "
Knowing..." 6:9
"For
At this point, it may be noted that Paul's mention of the "old man" in vs. 6 establishes a link with chapter 5. The "old man" is best defined as all that we are in Adam. Paul affirms that the crucifixion of this "old man" with Christ is necessary to removal from the bondage of sin. In this connection, Kasemann observes: "The ending of bondage is movement into the freedom of the new aeon and is possible only in the dominion of the Crucified."8
c. The Application 6:11 Houtos kai ("Even so")
Paul enjoins his readers to count it a reality that, having been united with Christ's death, they are dead to the dominion of sin, and, having been united with His resurrection, they are alive to God. This death followed by life, old followed by new, sequence suggests that God has ordained that the conversion of each of His elect is a picture in miniature of the grand movement in redemptive history from Adam to Christ, from death to life, from the old age to the new. This sequence is well illustrated by John Stott:
Our biography is written in two volumes. Volume one is the story of the old man, the old self, of me before my conversion. Volume two is the story of the new man, the new self, of me after I was made a new creation in Christ. Volume one of my biography ended with the judicial death of the old self
d. The Conclusion 6:12-14
(1) The Exhortation 6:12-13
The oun ("therefore") suggests that the imperatives are the reasonable ethical conclusion growing out of 6:1-11. The commands emphasize the utter inappropriateness of sin in the life of the saint. He has been delivered from the old Adamic position where sin reigned. Therefore, it is inconceivable that he would permit sin to continue its reign in the body (vs.12), which means more specifically (vs. 13) reverting at critical moments to the way one acted before his conversion in yielding the members of his body to the service of sin. To do such is to sin against the new position in the new age.
The implication in the command, "Do not let sin reign in your mortal body," seems to be that the mortal body which has not yet experienced redemption (Rom 8:23), is the only place where the reign of sin can continue to assert itself. Yet even that sphere of rule can be broken by the faith appropriation of the deliverance inherent in the union with Christ. The tension reflected in the commands of vss. 12-13 only indicates that the believer currently lives between inaugurated eschatology and realized eschatology in that he has experienced the first-fruits of his redemption but not the final consummation of his redemption. As Bandstra says, "the present existence of the Christian is characterized by this tension of 'already' and 'not yet'... " 10
(2) The Basis 6:14
The statement in vs. 14 provides the necessary encouragement to engender continued obedience to the commands of vss. 12-13. The statement looks back to chapter 5 and takes up again the crucial terms "sin," "law," and "grace" nestled together in 5:20-21. Paul is drawing off the redemptive-historical truth of those earlier vss., and stating it here in terms of its experimental value to the believer in his remaining struggle with sin. Essentially, Paul says that the law, as the realm where sin asserts its mastery and is irresistibly strong has been replaced in the movement of redemptive history with grace, the realm where the power of sin to subjugate has been stripped away, leaving it weak and making victory over it now certain. In this way, the statement is designed to be an encouragement to the believer that victory is the sure expectation, the rule and not the exception.
II. Second Question - Answer Cycle 6:15-7:6
A. The Question 6:15
While the questions in 6:15 and 6:1 are similar, in that they seek in some way either to justify sin in the life of the Christian, or to demonstrate that such is the direction and end of Paul's theology, they are distinct in the following way. The expression "continue in sin" (epimenomen te hamartia) in vs. 1 uses a present tense verb suggesting the continued, unbroken, unbridled accumulating of sin as a means of bringing about the increase of grace. It views sin cumulatively and aggregately. By contrast, in v. 15 the aorist tense form of the verb hamartano bearing the sense, "shall we commit an act of sin," views sin individually. The thought seems to be, "Is any sin now rendered permissible in view of the absence of the law as a regulative standard to define sin?"
B. The Answer 6:16-7:6
Paul's answer divides the question into two parts, and then deals with each in turn. He answers the "Shall we sin" portion of the question in 6:16-23, and then turns attention to the "because we are not under law but under grace" portion of the question in 7:1-6. It should be noted further that each portion of the answer begins the same way:
"Do you not know..." 6:16 "or do you not know..." 7:1
1.In answer to the first part of the question, Paul affirms that the entrance into grace carries with it a new bondage and a new obedience. Grace is not without standards, but, interestingly enough, Paul does not trace the standards to the law but to apostolic teaching. Paul commends his readers because they became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which they were committed (6:17). "Form of teaching" (tupon didaches) is one of several New Testament expressions indicating the systematization of Christian truth into an organized pattern. Cf. also "the teaching (singular) of the apostles (plural)," Acts 2:42; "the words of the faith and good doctrine" I Tim. 4:6; "the pattern of sound words," II Tim. 1:13; "sound doctrine (teaching), II Tim. 4:3; Tit. 1:9; "the faith once for all delivered to the saints," Jude 3; "the traditions," I Cor. 11:2. Moreover, the expression "to which you were committed" carries through the image of slavery and indicates that Christians, as slaves of righteousness were handed over to a body of teaching, and thus it became their moral authority, and the mold to which their conduct should conform.11 But in that it was received from the heart, the bondage that this apostolic teaching imposed was a service of perfect freedom. Kasemann says: "Christian obedience is not to be equated with obedience under the Torah, for as standing in grace it is also freeedom."12
2. In answer to the second part of the question, Paul further explains the believer's liberation from the law (7:1-4), establishes that it is not the absence of the law that promotes sin but its presence (7:5), and removal from the "under law" position is, in fact, the necessity if one is to serve God in "newness of the spirit and not in oldness of the letter" (7:6).
3. An Exegetical Focus on Romans 6:14
H.P. Liddon has observed that Rom. 6:14 is of decisive importance in Paul's argumentation in Romans and governs what follows all the way through chapter 8.13 While it be difficult to extablish direct exegetical bearing that far removed from the statement itself, it certainly does not overstate the case that Rom. 6:14 establishes a concept that is pivotal riot only in Romans but in all of Pauline thought as well.
As already noted, the specific function of the statement in the context is as an encouragement and an incentive to continue in obedience to the commands of vss. 12-13. The statement itself is composed of a promise and an undergirding fact insuring the reality of that promise. The fact that the promise is stated in the future tense does not mean it is a blessing reserved for the future, but simply that when the commands will be obeyed, this is the divine certainty on which the believer may depend.
The most significant exegetical problem confronted in the verse is the meaning of the word "law." Does the word refer to law in general, law as a principle; or does it refer specifically to the mosaic law of the Old Testament? John Murray decides the question in these words:
"Law" in this case must be understood in the general sense of law as law.. That it is not to be understood in the sense of the Mosaic law as an economy appears plainly from the fact that many who were under the mosaic economy were the recipients of grace and in that regard were under grace, and also from the fact that relief from the mosaic law as an economy does not of itself place persons in the category of being under grace. Law must be understood, therefore, in much more general terms of law as commandment.14
However, there are several reasons for questioning Murray's position. First of all, as already observed, it is most likely that Paul's vocabulary in 6:14 draws off the previous occurrences of "sin," "law," and "grace" in Rom 5:20-21. If this be the case, then there is a heightened possibility that "law" in 6:14 refers to the Mosaic law, for as Murray himself admits, the term "law" in 5:20 "cannot reasonably be taken in any other way than the law as revealed by Moses."15 The explanation of the term is made much easier if it is seen as coming from chapter 5, and, along with the parallel references to sin and grace in the same context, is fashioned into a statement that articulates the relationship of the believer in present union with Christ to the great redemptive-historical realities summarized in 5:20-21. By contrast, Murray's position requires an abrupt shift in the meaning of the term from previous usage, and its introduction into a context (Rom. 6:1-13) that contains no ostensible reason for its sudden appearance. So his position does not, in the writer's opinion, contribute to the flow of Paul's argument, and the maintaining of the close and important link between chapters 5 and 6.
A second objection to Murray's position is that Paul never uses the phrase "under law" in the way that Murray suggests. Paul consistently uses the phrase hupo nomon in reference to the Mosaic lawcovenant, and there is no reason to make an exception to that rule in Rom. 6:14.
Thirdly, the following context supports a reference to the Mosaic law in 6:14. Paul's emphatic announcement "you are not under law, but under grace" is picked up by the objector in 6:15, and, as already noted, Paul answers the "not under law" portion of the objection in 7:1-6. In these verses it is clear that the apostle is thinking in terms of the Mosaic law-covenant by his reference to the marriage covenant as an illustration of a lifetime bond (7:2-3), and by the climax he reaches in contrasting the newness of the Spirit and the oldness of the letter (7:6). Paul, on the three occasions that he uses the letter/Spirit contrast, employs the word gramma ("letter") to refer to the Mosaic law-covenant (Rom. 2:26; 7:6; 2 Cor. 3:6), and the oldness/newness contrast clearly characterizes the old and new covenants, which are described by the adjective form of these same nouns (II Cor. 3:6, 10.16
Taken together, these arguments constitute strong support for the identification of law in Rom 6:14 with the Mosaic law-covenant. Murray misses the point when he says that many under the Mosaic economy were the recipients of grace. No one argues that the grace of God made a powerful visitation into the hearts of God's Old Testament elect, but the issue in this entire context is rather what was God's redemptive-historical purpose in bringing in the law. Paul says in 5:20 that it was to increase transgression, and drawing from that purpose, the result of being "under law" in 6:14, therefore, is the intensified, unmitigated dominion of sin. Likewise, Murray misses the point when he says that "relief from the Mosaic law as an economy does not of itself place persons in the category of being under grace." Paul is arguing in the context that the new age has arrived, and the New.Covenant is now in force. He does not argue in the passage: you are removed from under law; therefore, you are under grace. Instead he says, you have taken a position under grace; therefore, you are not under law. His starting point is the new position in the new age.
Using the word "law" uniformly from 5:20-7:6 to refer to the Mosaic law-covenant, Paul is then saying in 6:14 that in keeping with the divine purpose of the law to increase transgression, to be "under law" is to be under a covenant that incites sin and intensifies its tyranny.,,,, So Paul has added in 6:14 a word of clarification which prevents the continued misreading of his statement in 5:20, "where sin abounded, grace superabounded. "The point of those words was not to suggest that we should increase our sinning in order to increase the display of grace (6:1), but rather that the power of grace breaks the rule of sin, even when the law has been brought in which becomes the strength of sin (I Cor. 15:56), and in fact seems to strengthen it to a point of impregnability. In the worst of cases, with the reign of sin at its peak because of the base of operation given it by the law, grace has come and vanquished the kingdom of sin and reduced it to no more than a rebellious vassal in the experience of the Christian. Its reign has been terminated, and the believer can approach his duty of obedience with optimism and the positive expec- tation that it can and will be realized. There is no room for a "defeatist mentality" in Rom. 6:14.
4. The Letter/Spirit Contrast
Since Paul uses the letter/spirit contrast to elucidate the law/ grace contrast, the consideration of one necessitates a consideration of the other. The locus classicus for the development of the former is II Cor. 3 where Paul unfolds the ministry of the New Covenant.
This entire chapter is part of an extended apologia which Paul undertook to write because his authority and claim to be an apostle of Jesus Christ was being challenged. Paul opens the chapter by questioning whether he needed any letters of recommendation establishing his identity and credentials because he already had the most complimentary letter that could be written in the transformed lives of the Corinthians. That letter was the surest evidence of the power of Christ operative in his ministry. So the Corinthians themselves were the strongest testimony to the validity of his apostleship (cf. I Cor. 9:2).
Paul's statement in vs. 3 is very significant from a redemptivehistorical standpoint. The Corinthians were being visibly manifested as a letter authored by Christ written, as the apostle faithfully carried out his ministry to them, not with ink but "with the mystical imprint of the Spirit of the living God."17 Hodge observes: "Any man could write with ink; Christ alone can write with the Spirit of God."18 Furthermore, the place of the writing is, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of living human hearts. The multiple references to the prophecy of the New Covenant are clear (Jer. 31:33; Ezek 11:19; 36:26), and have been recognized by virtually all commentators. However, it seems that the truth implicit in this text may be expanded further.
Bruce K. Waltke has recently suggested a hermeneutical principle which he terms "the canonical process approach." He explains and illustrates the hermeneutic in these words:
If this writer may venture to restate this hermeneutic more explicitly from a redemptive-historical standpoint, it might say the following: the meaning of a given text of Scripture (and the vocabulary in that text) must, in varying degrees, be viewed as dynamic and capable of shifts in emphasis, expansion, contraction, and modification as God's redemptive revelation grew; moreover, that meaning did not mature into its full and complete expression until redemptive revelation reached its climax in the coming of Christ and the subsequent witness to Christ in apostolic writings.
Now if this approach is applied to II Cor. 3:3 it yields some interesting conclusions. Aside from the fact that the New Testament church becomes the recipient and beneficiary of the new covenant, two other conclusions more pertinent to our present study stand out.
1.
Christ becomes the Yahweh of Jer. and Ezek. who fulfills the promise of writing law upon the heart and putting the Spirit within.
2.
The law that is written is apostolic teaching set down in the New Testament. If Christ is the author of the handwriting on the heart; the "My law" of Jer. 31:33 becomes the law of Christ, not the Mosaic Torah. This is not to say that the law of Christ opposes the Mosaic Torah. For, as shown at the end of chapter one, the relationship between the law of Christ and the law of Moses cannot be summed up in any one word. There is a mix of continuity and discontinuity which Christ must be allowed to define, since He is the one who does the writing on the heart.
Moving further into the chapter, Paul uses the gramma/pneuma ("letter/Spirit") contrast in vs. 6 to summarize in one word the essence of each covenant. H.A.W. Meyer brings out the significance of these one word abstracts:
Gramma characterizes the Mosaic covenant according to the specific manner in which it occurs and subsists, for it is established and fixed in writing (by means of the written letter), and thereby--although it is divine, yet without bringing with it and communicating any principle of inward vital efficacy--settled as obligatory. On the other hand, pneuma characterizes the Christian covenant, in so far as its distinctive and essential mode of existence consists in this, that the divine living power of the Holy Spirit is at work in it; through this and not through a written instrument, it subsists and fulfills itself. 21
This contrast is elaborated in vss. 7-18 where Paul attempts to show by a midrashic use of Exod. 34:29-35 the superiority of the new covenant to the old.22 The key words drawn from, Exod. 34 and used in this inspired midrash are doxa ("glory") and kalumma ("veil"). He expounds the word "glory" in vss. 7-11, and then moves to the word "veil" in vss. 12-15. The exposition of these terms prepares the way for his citation of Exod. 34:34 in vs. 16 which is the key sentence in the apostle's argumentation from this Old Testament text.23
Paul shows in his exposition of the word "glory" in vss. 7-11 that the fading doxa of Moses' face symbolizes the fading doxa of the old covenant, thus indicating its usefulness in God's plan was temporary. He employs a three-fold use of the a fortiori argument ("much more" 8,9,11) in establishing the permanent, non-transitory character of the new covenant.
He then takes up the second word, kalumma ("veil"), in vss. 12-15. The oun ("therefore") opening this paragraph in vs. 12 indicates that Paul in his exposition of this word "veil" is building on the ground he established in vss. 7-11. Having the sure hope of the permanent glory of the new covenant (vs. 11), Paul says, "we use great boldness in our speech" (vs 12). At first glance, the contrast of Paul's bold speech (vs. 12) and Moses' veiled face (vs. 13) appears to be a mismatch. But W. C. van Unnik has shown that the word "boldness" (parresia) was taken over as a loan-word into Aramaic and was used there synonymously with the phrase "to uncover the face or head". So barefacedness and boldness were synonymous ideas.24 Thus, Moses speaking to Israel with a veiled face contrasted the openness confidence, and freedom of speech that Paul had. Paul's great boldness and confidence of speech may have been linked to the realization that in speaking the words of Christ, words associated with the climax of redemptive revelation, he was speaking words that were marked with the imprint of Spirit and life. Jesus had said, "It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life" (John 6:63).
Paul continues in vs. 13 by declaring that the purpose of the veil an Moses' face was to prevent Israel from seeing the fading away of the glory, i.e., from seeing the temporary nature of the Mosaic law-covenant. In vs. 14 he extends this interpretation to his own day. The veil on Moses' face is still present with the Jews when they read the old law-covenant and the result is that they still fail to recognize that that covenant was temporary in God's purpose.
This leads Paul to the climactic citation in vs. 16. Dunn summarizes the argument to this point:
It is as though he Paul said: 'Consider Exod. 34:29-35 by doxa I understand the temporary nature of the old covenant; by kalumma I understand that which blinds the Jews to this fact. with this understanding in mind observe what the text says about the way in which the veil is removed.'25
It is when a man turns to the Lord that the veil is taken away. it is when one turns and sees Christ that the veil is removed and the temporary character of the Mosaic law-covenant is suddenly seen as well. Paul is saying in yet another way that in-the coming of Christ history has reached its redemptive climax. As Moses turned to Yahweh for the removing of the veil so now in the climax of redemptive history men must turn to Christ for the removing of the same veil. He alone can remove the veil which then brings into view the climactic adequacy of the covenant of the Spirit.
With the aid of this midrashic homily, the ground is laid for a deeper understanding of Paul's letter/Spirit contrast. The letter/ Spirit motif, just like the law/grace motif, reflects not only an ontological contrast, but also, and more importantly, an historical one. There is a movement in redemptive revelation reflected in the shift from letter to Spirit. Such movement can also be seen in Gal. 5:18, "If you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law." Paul makes a categorical separation of the Spirit's activity from the law. The reason is clear from what has been observed in II Cor. 3. The blessing of the Spirit's presence and leadership has been covenantally defined. He is the blessing of the new covenant, not the old. So if one is led by the Spirit, one has entered the new age and come under the blessings of the new covenant, and is, consequently, not under law.
It would be remiss to leave 11 Cor. 3 without noting vs. 18. Paul in this verse rounds out the grand conclusion of the removed veil by graphically picturing the vigor and power resident in the covenant of the Spirit. Under the sovereignty of the Lord who is Spirit, we with unveiled faces beholding as-in a mirror the glory of the Lord who is Christ are transformed more and more into His image moving from one degree of glory to another. Such a pattern for transformation the old covenant never had. Transfiguration by vision: the pattern of progressive glorification under the New Covenant is but a foretaste of the consummation when "we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him just as He is" (I John 3:26).
1) Herman Ridderbos, Paul: An Outline of His Theology, trans. by John R. DeWitt (Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1975), p. 148.
2) John W. Drane, "Why Did Paul Write Romans?" in Pauline Studies: Essays Presented to F. F. Bruce on His 70th Birthday, ed. by Donald A. Hagner and Murray J. Harris (London: The Paternoster Press,'1980)~" p.. 219.
3) K.P. Donfried, "False Presuppositions in the Study of Romans," Catholic Biblical Quarterly 36 (1974), 332-355. This study and others has now been collected into The Romans Debate, ed. by K.P. Donfried (Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, 1977), pp. 120-151.
4) Donfried, The Romans Debate, pp. 140-141.
5) E.A. Judge, "St. Paul and Classical Society," Jarbuch fur Antike und Christentum 15 (1972), 33. Cited by Drane, op. cit., p. 220.
6) The writer is indebted to Longenecker for the term "inaugurated eschatology." Longenecker, Paul, Apostle of Liberty, p. 143.
7) Everett F. Harrison, "Romans" in The Expositor's Bible Commentary, ed. by Frank E. Gaebelein (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing Co., 1976), 10:68.
8) Ernst Kasemann, Commentary on Romans, trans. and ed. by Geoffrey W. Bromiley (Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1980). p. 170.
9) John R.W. Stott, Men Made New (Downers Grove: Inter Varsity Press, 1966), pp. 49-50.
1O) Bandstra, The Law and the Elements of the World, p. 78.
11) C.K. Barrett, A Commentary on the Epistle to the Romans (New York: Harper & Row, Publishers, 1957), p. 132; F. Godet, Commentary on the Epistle to the Romans, trans. by A. Cusin, reprint ed. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 1956), p. 257; R.C.H. Lenski, The Interpretation of St. Paul's Epistle to the Romans (Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, 1961), pp. 426-427.
12) Kasemann, op. cit., p. 178.12) Kasemann, op. cit., p. 178.
13) H.P. Liddon, Explanatory Analysis of St. Paul's Epistle to the Romans, reprint ed. (Minneapolis: James and Klock, 1977), p. 113.
14) John Murray, The Epistle to the Romans (Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1968), pp. 228-.229.
15) Ibid, p. 207.
16)B. Schneider, "The Meaning of St. Paul's Antithesis 'The Letter and the Spirit'," Catholic Biblical Quarterly, 15 (1953), 188-207.
17) Bernard cited by Geoffrey B. Wilson, 2 Corinthians: A Digest of Reformed Comment (London: Banner of Truth Trust, 1973), p. 38.
18) Charles Hodge, Commentary on 1 & 2 Corinthians, reprint ed. (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth Trust, 1974), p. 427.
19) Bruce K. Waltke, "On How to Study the Psalms Devotionally," Crux, 16:2 (June, 1980), 3.
20) It is interesting to observe how those who hold to a covenant theology position have no hesitation in seeing a drastic modification in the recipients of the New Covenant, from Israel and Judah to the church, and yet are usually resistant to such modification in the word "law." P.E. Hughes says: "The establishment of the new covenant, however, implies neither the abrogation nor the depreciation of the Mosaic law
21) H.A.W. Meyer, Critical and Exegetical Hand-book to the Epistles to the Corinthians, trans. by D. Bannerman, reprint ed. (Winona Lake: Alpha Publications, 1980), 6:465.
22) Midrashic interpretation is summarized by Renee Bloch in the following points:
1.
Its point of departure is Scripture; it is a reflection or meditation on the Bible.
2.
It is homiletical, and largely originates from the liturgical reading of the Torah.
3.
It makes a punctilious analysis of the text, with the object of illuminating obscurities found there. Every effort is made to explain the Bible by the Bible, as a rule not arbitrarily but by exploiting a theme.
4.
The biblical message is adapted to suit contemporary needs.
5.
According to the nature of the biblical text, the midrash either tries to discover the basic principles inherent in the legal sections, with the aim of solving problems not dealt with in Scripture (halakhah); or it sets out to find the true significance of events in the narrative sections of the Pentateuch (haggadah).
According to these criteria, we may label Paul's use of Exod. 34 in 11 Cor. 3 as a haggadic midrash. Cited by R.N. Longenecker, Biblical Exegesis in the Apostolic Period (Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1975), p. 37.
23) J.D.G. Dunn, "2 Corinthians 3:17 --The Lord is the Spirit,"'The Journal of Theological Studies, 21 (October, 1970), 309-320. 1 have borrowed liberally from this excellent study.
24) W.C. van Unnik, "'With Unveiled Face,' An Exegesis of 2 Corinthians 3:12-18," Novum Testamentum 5 (1962), 161.
25) Dunn, op. cit., P. 312
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Credits: on by
Trolling your way on the web today
Takes everything you've got;
Having a Bot to post your comments
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to join the frey?
Sometimes you want to go
And get a First Post in your name,
So much goatse that you came;
We know it's hard to get Eff Pee,
Our troubles are all the same;
Get that FP and everyone'll know your name.
- posted by poopbot: the bot formerly known as pwpbot
YuX7JjwHLr Post #608
Happy Troll Tuesday!
USian Pie
A long, long time ago I can still remember How the trollers used to make me smile And I knew if I had to boast That I could try to get first post And maybe I'd be happy for a while But moderators made me shiver With every minus they'd deliver DoS scripts couldn't stop it They scored them all "Offtopic" I know that it's cheap crack they smoke And meta-moderation's broke At first I thought it was a joke The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
Bye, bye, MEEPTy, OOG, and Grits guy Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a *sigh*
Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie Wonder what became of girls petrified? What became of girls petrified?
--
Did you write a bunch of Perl? And did it make you want to hurl Feces at the Wall? Can you believe these lame-ass polls? Do you post big stretched-out assholes? Can you make the goatse.cx link not show? Well I know you think that Siggy sucked Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up? The bots don't have a clue. Man, I dig those trolls from Shoe! I was a rabid Free Speech advocate With a Red Hat T-shirt and a Free Beer gut
Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
It's been two years since the IPO And LNUX sinks to all-time lows But that's not how it used to be When Spiral showed how it was done Trolling as Jon Erikson Who worked for NPO Technologies Oh and while they tried to filter posts Somebody rooted Slashdot's host "Crack Slashdot? That's absurd!" Better go change your password While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book By using posts he simply took And we flamed him till he was cooked The day that trolltalk died And we were singin....
-- Chorus --
10 grams. Inchfan. Didn't log out. Goddamn The mods will find the sid real soon, man
You can't hide if you aren't AC Your bud (George here) tried BSD A dead Streetlawyer's tips were free And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi 70 made his percents up While 80md warned "liberals suck" The moon does not exist It's just a liberal myth Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap We forced him to invoke bitchslaps Do you recall the flood of crap The day that trolltalk died? We started singin....
-- Chorus --
Oh and then we were wearing out "All your base" And started posting monospace
The better for our penis birds So come on, be a zealot, be a dick You don't think Anne Marie's a chick? Because lying's all we do about HURD So go and push for BSD And say GPL isn't free Slow down, cowboy! The limit Is one post every minute Now tell the right wing facist slime Infringing on Your Rights Online That they can't censor all the time The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
I met a troll they called The Rev And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD He said, "That's old. Get over it." And with all the courage I could muster "Imagine what a Beowulf cluster...." But it wasn't worth the trouble to submit The karma caps are just plain jive And everyone's moved to K5 The steelcage has grown rusted And Geekizoid is busted
The three sites I don't see for weeks Segfault, kernel, Comp-u-geek Code is not art. This ain't Freshmeat The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs
zvVdPza7i0 Post #609
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Credits: Big Dogs Cock
Trolling in the name of
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
Trolling in the name of
And now you run what they told you
And now you run what they told you
And now you run what they told you
95 is justified for running the games that you didn't buy
95 is justified for running the games that you didn't buy
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
And you run what they told you
Now your under control
And you run what they told you
Now your under control
And you run what they told you
Come on!
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Motherfucker
- posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters
UDtoFJRKJ6 Post #610
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Credits: on by
crapfloods and trolling and raping small kittens
nice wider pages and wanking with mittens
turd report packages tied up with strings
these are a few of my favorite things
grits covered portman and ASCII art doodles
ACs and CLITers and Katz sex with poodles
wild trolls that fly with plus five mod scoring
these are a few of my favorite things
when the ban hits, when I can't post, when I'm feeling sad
i simply remember my favorite things
then i don't feel so bad
Rob Malda chugs penis in fan fiction slashes
taco snot over my nose and eyelashes
BSD dying and that goatse ring
these are a few of my favorite things
grits covered portman and ASCII art doodles
ACs and CLITers and Katz sex with poodles
wild trolls that fly with plus five mod scoring
these are a few of my favorite things
when the ban hits, when I can't post when, I'm feeling sad
i simply remember my favorite things
then i don't feel so bad
- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs
GGxVTeRPfo Post #611
Historians agree that Liudprand of Cremona is amusing(1), relatively informative, and not entirely trustworthy. Previté?Orton complained that, "he had a soul above documents," and was "singularly retentive of amorous scandal however devoid of probability."(2) Literary historians and critics also have not been entirely comfortable with him. For example, instead of considering him in the context of other tenth?century historians, like Widukind of Corvey, Hrosthvita, Flodoard, or Richer, two twentieth?century medievalists ?? Erich Auerbach and Georg Misch ?? have used him as a ficelle by means of which to praise Rather of Verona.
.
Both fascinated and embarassed by Liudprand, Auerbach quotes a passage involving the Priapic equipment and activities of the priest Dominic, but spares it the kind of close analysis for which he is justly known(3). Rather of Verona, he argues, shares some of the qualities he finds disturbing in Liudprand, but seems a more tolerable human being: Their works are full of scurrilitas, indiscretion, and immoderation, though in the one these spring from a heartfelt need, in the other from rancor and self?importance. Both lack the sense of the appropriate, the control and harmonious form which lend unity and dignity to literary expression(4). Sincerity, then, is an excuse for bad taste(5).
Misch finds Rather introspective, anxious, neurotic, and therefore more interesting than Liudprand, whose anger finds its objects outside of the self. Accordingly, Misch disposes of the bishop of Cremona in a nine?page sketch, inserted in the midst of a 141?page appreciation of the bishop of Verona(6).
The two bishops certainly had different sensibilities;
the following passage from Rather's confessional dialogue,
in which he suggests that he had improper thoughts in his
mind during the sacred service, illustrates one of the
qualities that might endear him to modern readers:
Peccavi ego peccator in oscùlo et in amplexibus
illecebrosis, palpando et blandiendo inique; et in
ecclesia stans vel sedens, ubi sanctae lectiones
vel divina officia efficiuntur, otiosis fabulis,
vel iniquis cogitationibus me occupavi, et non
cogitavi, quae debui, et aures non accomodavi ad
ea quae sancta sunt. Intuendo quoque injuste et
petulanter et recordando (quod adhuc pejus
virorum) animalium, pecudumque concubitus, et alia
quaedam obscena(7).
? 2 ?
Liudprand displays no such confessional impulses; his failure, however, to behave like Rousseau, Dostoievsky, Jean Paul, or Lenny Bruce, should not be held against him. what drove him to write was not a tortured, introspective agony, but rather a world of political violence and chaos, which left him and his fellow countrymen constantly subject to German, French, Greek, Magyar, Saracen, and internal Italian aggression. Four years old when the Hungarians burned Pavia, his native city, he spent much of his adult literary life praising those who protected him and launching diatribes against their enemies.
Liudprand's praise was as extravagant as his blame, but
less interesting, of course, since panegyric is, as Isidore
defined it:
licentiosum et lasciviosum genus dicendi in
laudibus regum, in cuius conpositione homines
multis mendaciis adulantur(8).
Vituperation, however, generally produces more satisfying
results, since most audiences find human weaknesses more
tolerable than human strengths, perhaps because, as one of
Ivy Compton Burnett's characters says, "it is easier to be
disparaging than to be just."(9) Liudprand's diatribe is
produced by a voice compounded out of various postures,
including that of indignant ecclesiastic, cynical Italian,
reflective Stoic, committed misogynist, and begging poet.
Perhaps the best known of Liudprand's rhetorical set?pieces occurs in the Legatio, where his effictio of Nicephorus as a grotesque pygmy, dark as an Ethiopean, with the eyes of a mole, a neck an inch long(10), hair like the bristles of a pig, a distended belly, and smelly linen(11), provides the usual pleasures of diatribe. Fashioning a grotesque figure out of one's enemy is a conventional rhetorical strategy of the Christian historian; Lactantius, for example, offers this humorless description of his principal villain, Maximian: Erat etiam corpus moribus congruens, status celsus, caro ingens, et in horrendam magnitudinem diffusa et inflata(12). However, the passage also functions as a prelude to one of several panegyrics devoted to the emperor Otto(13).
To formulate and amplify both praise and blame, Liudprand calls upon the arsenal his conventional rhetorical training made available to him, not only to carry out his agenda, but to disguise it, at least initially. Therefore he opens the Antapodosis with a combination of conventional postures, some of which are designed to relieve himself of the responsibility for the performance he is about to give. First, in a variation of the humility?topos, he insists that he writes only because urged to do so by higher authority; humble and fearful of acrimonious critics, he has been slow
to discharge bishop Recemund's command to report what he has
seen with his own eyes. In addition, Liudprand insists that
he is offering recreational trifles, designed to provide
relaxation after intellectually more arduous tasks, like
studying Cicero:
quod si perplexa faceti Tulli lectione fatigantur,
talibus saltem neniis animentur(14).
Availing himself of a commonplace traced to several of
Plato's text by Jacques Derrida(15), he offers his work as a
kind of pharmakon, providing shelter from the sun:
Nam, ni fallor, sicut obtutus, nisi alicuius
interpositione substantiae, solis radiis
reverberatus obtunditur, ne pure, ut est,
videatur, ita plane mens achademicorum,
peripathetiocorum stoicorumque doctrinarum iugi
meditatione infirmatur, si non aut utili
comodiarum risu aut heroum delectabili historia
refocilatur.
His audience's initial expectation, then, is to be entertained by a skilled academician, capable of mixing genres, tones, and top01. Liudprand, whose early training as a court?singer(16) may have prepared him for the role of court?jester, does not disappoint their expectations. They could not, however, have expected everything that they find, since the Antapodosis gradually reveals itself to be both more and less academic than the initial pages suggest.
Those studying Cicero, for example, will be amused to find that when Berengar I finds Louis III in hiding, he begins his speech with the opening of the first Catiline: Quousque tandem abutere, Hulodoice, patientia nostra. Their amusement may turn to something else, however, when Berengar proceeds to punish Louis with blinding(17).
The bishop of Cremona's peculiar sense of humor has led to some confusion. In explaining the distaste Liudprand expresses in the Legatio for what he found at the Byzantine court, Rentschler offers the misleading hypothesis that Liudprand, as a Westerner, came from a tradition that was antipathetic to homo ludens(18). However, as the work of Huizinga, Rahner, Suchomski, Wehrli, and others demonstrates, homo ludens was no stranger to western Europe(19). Witty, satiric, sarcastic, sceptical, Liudprand offers the credentials of an exemplary medieval homo ludens.
Several of the characters of whom he approves in the Antapodosis show the same sense of humor. The Byzantine Emperor Leo VI, for example, plays two tricks on his soldiers. First, in a test of the reliability of his guards, he disguises himself and bribes the first two groups he meets, into disobeying his orders. The third set, however, proves incorruptible, beats him and throws him into jail.
? 4 ?
After considerable difficulty, he convinces his jailer to go to the palace with him, where Leo is recognized and the jailer is astonished. When the emperor asks the man, who has shown some knowledge of astrological terminology, to predict what will happen to him now, the jailer invokes the Fates to describe his predicament:
"Parcarum," infit, "optima Cloto nere desinit,
Lachesis vero in torquendo laborare amplius non
cupit, saevissima autem harum Atropos articulos
iam in condilum solam imperii tui sententiam
expectavit, fila contrahens rumpat(20).
Impressed with his response, subridens, Leo gives him a four?pound bag of gold coins, and arranges to reward those who beat him and to punish those who took his bribe.
In a second ludus, emperor Leo distributes gold coins to his sleeping men(21). One guard, however, was awake and collected all the gold. He relates the event the next day to the emperor as a "dream," interpreting the numbers of bags of gold and sleeping men in the manner of a patristic exegete:
Cumque imperium tuum quasi repedare sotiosque hac in visione cernerem dormitare, continuo ceu laetus exurgens undecim dormientum aureorum numismatorum libras tuli meoque in rnarsupio, in quo una erat, apposui, quatinus ob transgressionem decalogi ne solum essent XI verum ob memoriam apostolorum mea una adhibita essent et ipsae XII(22).
Amused by the play with the number of Commandments and apostles, the emperor laughs, compliments the speaker on his powers, quotes from Lucian, and permits the soldier who remained awake to keep the coins.
Each incident offers a ludus involving a display of rhetorical competence, for which the performer is rewarded. In the first instance the jailer plays with material derived from Graeco?Roman, Stoic commonplaces, to be found in Claudian, and eventually, later in the middle ages, to be associated with Boethius, about the nature of Fortune and fate(23). In the second instance the material is derived from Biblical exegesis. Both incidents show Liudprand's ability to play with serious, even sacred material, perhaps in an attempt to follow Horace's prescription, ridendo dicere verum.
Such an attempt is implicit in the opening of the Antapodosis. At the same time that he claims to be delivering relief from serious studies, Liudprand, with the help of a Boethian allusion, attacks those who he imagines are about to attack him, classifying them among those who
have only a fragment of Philosophy's garment:
qui supercilio tumentes, lectionis desides ac
secundum eruditi viri sententiam Boetii
? 5 ?
philosophyae vestis particulam habentes totamque se habere putantes(24). He continues to broaden his claims for the greater scope and tone for the Antapodosis at the beginning of book VI. Modern times demand a tragedian rather than an historian(25), Liudprand insists, as he weaves into his statement a phrase from Psalm 22, to represent an agony simultaneously personal and timeless: Temporis instantis qualitas tragoedum me potius quam historiographum quaereret, nisi pararet Dominus in conspectu meo mensam adversus eos, qui tribulant me. Insisting that his predicament more properly calls for luQere Qua m scribere. Liudprand contrasts the condition of the inner and outer man, finally offering the conventional Stoic solution: contemplating the wheel of Fortune brings meditative relief, since one at the bottom may anticipate an upward rotation: Instantia enim si mutaberit, salutem, quae deest, adferet, infortunatam, quod adest, expellet(26). These meditative postures, however, are not undertaken in the service of purely philosophic speculation; for Liudprand the purpose of invoking history, tragedy, and Stoic disdain towards events in the phenomenal world is to aid in composing vengeful invective again the enemies of Otto(27).
He begins his attack on Willa and Berengar early in the Antapodosis, invoking from the rhetoric of classical satire the impossibility?topos, to represent the impiety of the objects of his scorn: nec lingua proferre nec calamus praevalet scribere. At the beginning of book 111(28), in the course of explaining the significance of the title he has chosen, Liudprand explicitly claims that the purpose of his work is retributio, with the specific, immediate objects of his wrath Berengar and his wife Willa, whom he describes as a secunda Iezabel(29), as well as a Lamia. Eventually the attack on Berengar seems to devolve into a series of anti?feminine routines against Willa, permitting Liudprand to participate in the relentless diatribe against the "Pornocracy" of the late tenth?century(30).
To aid in getting even, and to further the Ottonian
cause, Liudprand regularly injects tragic and Stoic postures
into his diatribe. One of the ways in which he tries to
expand the significance of his invective is by recalling the
two major Graeco?Roman civil wars: Thebes and Rome. The
opening of Statius' Thebiad would seem to be the passage
with which he is competing, when, in the course of
describing the contest between Rodulf and Berengar (July,
923), he composes verses on the internecine nature of the
battle, in which father fights son, grandfather fights
grandson:
Gnato pater ipse perhennem
Fert interitum, genitusque
? 6 ?
Perhimit patrem, dolor heu quis? Loetum parat ecce nepoti Abavus, sternendus ab ipso; Furiis pulsatus ab atris Fratrem fodit eminus alter(31).
To describe the challenge Otto's brother Henry, instigated by count Everard, offered, in 939 A.D., for the throne, Liudprand composes elegiacs, upbraiding Henry for going against God, and for provoking, in Lucan's phrase, fraternas acies(32).
The Antapodosis, then, oscillates between moments of tragic horror and moments of comic absurdity, between the sufferings of the outer man and the contemplative resignation of the inner man; the two extremes are held together by the vituperative purpose of the author, an angry, pious, comic, exiled ecclesiastic(33), who offered, in Becker's words, satire, sarcasm, and cynicism(34).
Among the results of these activities is a text that displays some of the symptoms of what Bakhtin has isolated and labeled as the techniques of debasement, and of grotesque realism. Bakhtin establishes a polarity between classicism and the tradition of grotesque realism; according to his scheme, classicism vitiates the awareness of the body; grotesque realism insists upon the body and the physical nature of reality by deliberately exaggerating and profaning whatever high culture has established as sacred: Debasement is the fundamental principle of grotesque realism; all that is sacred and exalted is rethought on the level of the material bodily stratum or else combined and mixed with its images(35). As Bakhtin conceives of it, the classical aesthetic is one of exclusion; the excluded elements are the ones that grotesque realism, as a kind of vox populi, reintroduces and insistently magnifies: The new bodily canon, in all its historic variations and different genres, presents an entirely finished, completed, strictly limited body, which is shown from the outside as something individual. That which protrudes, bulges, sprouts, or branches off (when a body transgresses its limits and a new one begins) is eliminated, hidden, or moderated. All orifices of the body are closed. The opaque surface and the body's "valleys" acquire an essential meaning as the border of a closed individuality that does not merge with other bodies and with the world. All attributes of the unfinished world are carefully removed, as well as all the signs of its inner life. The verbal norms of official and literary
language, determined by the canon, prohibit all that is linked with fecundation, pregnancy, childbirth. There is a sharp line of division between familiar speech and "correct" language(36). Grotesque realism, on the other hand, relies upon the principle of excess, violating "official" norms, overflowing boundaries(37). Bakhtin also includes banquet imagery(38), games and riddles as part of the parphenalia of grotesque realism: "the images of games were seen as a condensed formula of life and the historic process: fortune, misfortune, gain and loss, crowning and uncrowning."(39)
Misleadingly, Bakhtin insists on folk culture as the source of the strategies of debasement and grotesque realism, and his consequent inability to find these strategies in medieval literature, except in the obscure Cena Cypriani, is a sign of the limited attention he chose to pay to medieval literature. In fact, the strategies of debasement and grotesque realism can be found throughout the middle ages and Liudprand's texts offer particularly rich examples.
Banquet imagery, for example, occurs in the the opening of book VI, quoted above, where, in the process of determining the genre to which his history properly belongs, Liudprand expresses the hope that the lord may prepare a table for him in the presence of his enemies: Temporis instantis qualitas tragoedum me potius quam historiographum quaereret, nisi pararet Dominus in conspectu meo mensam adversus eos, qui tribulant me. The motif of feeding ?? here a reference to a sacred relationship ?becomes a major topic for debasement both in the Leqatio and in the Antapodosis(40).
In the Legatio, Liudprand constantly denounces the behavior of his hosts at table. He finds their food vile, their manners terrible, and their failure to provide him with tablecloths intolerable(41). His complaints about feeding habits are not gastronomical in the modern sense, but are attacks, both in the Lectatio and in the Antapodosis, against the abuse of the central, civilizing ritual, both secular and sacred, that unites human beings. In addition, in the Legatio, Liudprand's attacks on the meals prepared for him as the legate of Otto are designed to show Nicephorus' ill?will towards the Western Emperor(42).
In the Antapodosis, the function of "banquet imagery" is more complex. The earliest occurence of profanation of feeding results in Wido losing France to Odo. When the steward Wido sent ahead of him to prepare a banquet, more reqio, instead suggests to the bishop of Metz that he
? 8 ?
economize on the meal ?? in exchange for the gift of a horse ?the outraged bishop declares: Non decet...talem super nos regnare regem, qui decem dragmis vile sibi obsonium praparat(43).
Liudprand's bêtes noires, the Hungarians, drink their defeated enemies' blood(44), and attack Christians in the midst of a meal, in a scene whose intensity is magnified by the specific image of transfixed throats: ut cibo recrearentur, descenderant; quos tanta Hungarii celeritate confoderant, ut in gula cibum transfigerent aliis(45).
When Marozia's son Alberic addresses the Romans, he attacks the Burgundians in typically medieval fashion, by providing a disparaging etymology for their name(46). He claims that they are gurguliones, either because of their guttural speech, or because of their inordinate indulgence of their gula.
Hatto betrays Adalbert by tricking him with an invitation to dinner(47), and when Flambert plots against Berengar I in Verona, the king enacts a Last Supper with him. After telling him that he has heard of Flambert's plot, the king offers him a pledge of peace:
His expletis aureum non parvi ponderis poculum rex ei porrexit atque subiunxit: "Amoris salutisque mei causa, quod continetur, bibito, quod continet, habeto." Vere quippe et absque ambiguitate post potum introivit in illum Sathanas, quemadmodum et de Iuda proditore domini nostri Iesu Christi scriptum est. "Quia post bucellam tunc introivit in illum Sathanas."(48)
At this point, to emphasize the violation of the sacred, Liudprand composes a poem on the event, borrowing the verse?form Prudentius had used to celebrate the dawn in Cathemerinon 1(49), to provide a resonantly pious death: A tergo hunc ferit impius Romphaea; cadit heu pius Felicemque suum Deo Commendat pie spiritum(50)! In effect, then, the sign of sacred community, the meal, proves ineffective.
Even more graphic, more elaborately ludic debasement occurs when Liudprand turns to the body and images of pregnancy, fecundation, and childbirth. Women receive most of the attention in this area, as Liudprand portrays a world in which sexuality and politics are inextricably, destructively entwined. Although Willa is the declared central focus of his anti?feminism, Ermengard, Marozia, Theodora, Berta and Willa's mother Willa also receive enough detailed attention to sustain the charge that Liudprand was
? 9 ?
a committed misogynist. Since Berta and Willa are sisters, and Ermengard is Bertha's daughter, Liudprand manages to magnify his vengeance by distributing his Ottonian bile over several generations.
The first of the abhorrent women to appear in the Antapodosis is Wido's wife, who ministers a sleeping potion to her husband's rival Arnulf, establishing the figure of woman as greedy and conniving(51). When she offers the drink, vipperina callidate, to Arnulf, Liudprand breaks in
to invoke Vergil ( Aeneid III. 56?57) on the power of gold, Auri sacra fames. Significantly, however, Liudprand speculates that Arnulf received what he had earned by his neglect of God, and particularly by permitting churches to be turned into playgrounds, carnivals, and houses of
prostitution:
In his namque simbolam faciebant, gestus turpis,
cantus ludicres, debachationes. Sed et mulieres
eodem publice, pro nefas, prostituebantur(52).
In Liudprand's mind, then, political and sexual disorder generate each other.
Berta, daughter of Lothair II and Waldrada, and, through her first husband Theutbald, mother of Hugh (whose sexual problems also lead to political disasters), is the next sexual powerhouse to appear in the Antapodosis. Having captured her husband Adalbert, Lambert speaks ironically of Berta's predictive powers, and her Circe?like ability to turn men into beasts(53). After her husband's death, Liudprand complains, she exercises as much authority as her son Wido, the rightful inheritor. Her weapons include cleverness, an appeal to greed, and sexual competence; she gets her way, cum calliditate, muneribus, tum hymenaei exercitio dulcis(54) Her daughter Ermengard is described as equally talented in the area of sexual performance, Afroditi dulcedine coaecrualem. According to Liudprand, Ermengard carried on carnal commerce with everyone, noble and commoner(55). When she convinces Rodulf to desert his men, Liudprand compares him to Holofernes, decapitated (i.e., "uncrowned") by a woman(56).
Theodora, scortum impudens, seduces the man who will become John X, arranging his election to the Papacy in 914, because, according to Liudprand, she found the distance from Rome to Ravenna an intolerable impediment to her lust(57). Her daughters, Theodora and Marozia, Liudprand assures us, were equally venereal(58). In addition, Marozia and her husband Wido are instrumental in bringing about the death of John X, first killing Peter, John's brother, before the Pope's very eyes. Then they imprison the Pope, who dies in 928, perhaps smothered with a pillow(59)
? 10 ?
In effect, the next demonstration of Marozia's powers
occurs when Hugh, count of Arles and Provence (and son of
the venereal Berta), arrives in Italy. Liudprand had warned
his readers, during an encomium of Hugh, that the count was
sexually vulnerable: ui etsi tot virtutibus clarebat,
mulierum tamen illecebris eas fedabat(60). The major
demonstration of this weakness occurs when, at the death of
her husband Wido, Marozia offers herself and Rome to Hugh,
in a sexual?political transaction that prompts Liudprand to
compose fifteen hexameters attacking Marozia's proposal.
First, he asserts, the match is incestuous:
Quid Veneris facibus compulsa Marozia saevis?
Coniugis ecce tui spectas to suavia fratris,
Nubere germanis satagens Herodia duobus,
Immemor en videris praecepti caeca Johannis,
Qui fratri vetuit fratris violare maritam(61).
Associating Marozia with Herodias of course makes Hugh a
candidate for decapitation ("uncrowning," again), and
recalls the earlier equating of Rodolf's uxoriousness with
Holofernes' weakness. After imagining Marozia defending her
behavior with a misogynistic line from Juvenal VI.300,
Liudprand portrays Hugh coming to Rome at Marozia's bidding,
like an ox being led to an ironically sacred slaughter:
Respondes, scio, tu: Nichil hoc Venus ebria curat'.
Advenit optatus ceu bos tibi ductus ad aram
Rex Hugo, Romanam potius commotus ob urbem.
Hugh comes to Rome and shares her bed, but runs into difficulty when he slaps her stepson Alberic, initiating a sequence that drives him ignominiously from Rome, leaving Marozia behind(62).
In the next book, Hugh's sexual misadventures continue when he marries Rodulf's widow queen Bertha, but soon spurns her for his concubines, among whom three are particular favorites: Pezola, vilissimorum servorum sanguine cretam, who produces Boso, to become bishop of Piacenza; Roza, daughter of the beheaded Walpert; Stephania, who produces Tedbald, to become archdeacon of Milan. According to Liudprand, their true pedigree is unknown, since their mothers were not faithful to Hugh. Therefore, sexual license not only wreaks havoc with the secular state, but it contaminates the church(63)
One of the most notable features of book IV is the intensification of the technique of debasement, possibly because. as Liudprand claims, at this point, he is turning from what he has heard reliable men tell, to what he has himself witnessed. The "lower bodily stratum" becomes more prominent, as both male and female genitalia take on comic, as well as abhorrent functions.
? 11 ?
The first example of this intensification offers, in what Liudprand calls a ludibrium, a parody of sexual politics. A woman saves her husband's genitalia by an excercise of her rhetorical powers(64), demonstrating, in the process, the Catonian assertion that foolishness may be a disguise for wisdom: stultitiam simulare loco prudentia summa est(65).
The anecdote takes place shortly after Tedbald (the son
of Hugh and Stephania, and the eventual archdeacon of Milan)
captures some Greeks besieging Benevento. As he proceeds to
have them castrated, one of their wives puts on a highly
theatrical performance. First she appears before Tedbald's
tent, howling with grief, her face bleeding, torn by her own
nails. When Tedbald comes out and asks her what is wrong,
she replies that he is making war not on men, but on women.
Defending himself, Tedbald claims that no one since the days
of the Amazons has made war on women, but she argues that
castration is an attack on women, depriving them of central
needs:
nostri refocilatio corporis et, quod omnium
potissimum est, nasciturae spes extat prolis(66).
Refocilatio, of course, was the function Liudprand had
promised his own work would perform. Furthermore, she points
out that she offered no resistance when Tedbald took her
sheep and cattle, because that loss was less significant
than the one now impending. She ends her performance with
artful triplets, while reworking Vergil to her purposes:
"tam crudelem tamque inrecuperabilem modis omnibus
horreo, fugio, nolo. Sancti Dei omnes talem a me
avertite pestem!"(67)
In response to her performance, all those present laugh,
and Tedbald gives her husband back to her, intearum. When
she has left, he sends someone after her to ask what part of
her husband he may take if her husband cames out to fight
again. She replies: Oculi sunt illi, nares, manus et
ep des. The rest is hers(68).
After this comic routine, in which the lower bodily stratum takes precedence over the rest of the body, Liudprand offers an anecdote that involves the female lower bodily stratum. Willa, the wife of Boso, and mother of the Willa who is the declared central target of the Antapodosis, showed a supreme passion for gold: coniux sua Willa phylargiriae coepit amore flagare. Instead of enumerating her crimes, Liudprand offers one incident, turpissimus, to stand for all of them(69). When her husband's attempt to start a revolt in 936 against his brother, king Hugh, failed, queen Willa attempted to preserve some of their wealth by hiding a very long, broad, valuable, golden belt, in her private parts. On Hugh's orders, she is stripped; most of the soldiers are too decent to look closely, but one of them, inpudenter...foediterctue, directs a penetrating
? 12 ?
glance at the forbidden area, with results that Liudprand describes in precisely imagined detail: servorum quidam directo obtutu purpuream secus natium speroiden vidit dependere corrigiam... He proceeds to draw it out, and, ipso turpi facinore hilarior, congratulates himself for his obstetrical competence: 'Ha! ha! hé' ait, 'quam peritus obstetricandi miles! Ruffus puer est natus herae. He goes on to wish the same luck upon his own wife, finally provoking Willa to weep.
Her tears only provoke him to more pyrotechnical display; he mercilessly proceeds to compose nine hexameters on the event, demonstrating surprising metrical and rhetorical competence for his rank. Opening with a play on Vergil Ecloq_ue X.29, followed a few lines later by a reference to Ecl. IV.61, in the course of the poem he manages to forge playful links among one of the Furies, reproduction and greed, until one of his superiors takes him by the neck and upbraids him:
"Willa quid insanis aurum quod condere caecis Incipis in membris? pro non audita cupido! Allecto furiis gemmas in corpore condis. Matribus insolitum tales producere parus, Hinc tibi nulla decem tulerant fastidia menses. Alma parens, tales nobis haud desine foetus Edere, qui nati superent to aetate parentem!" Talia cunctanti collum percusserat unus Impiger ac verbis ipsum culparet amaris(70).
Pretending to disapprove of the servant's behavior, and of the poem, which clearly was composed by the bishop of Cremona himself(71), Liudprand represents himself as puzzled by the problem of determining whose behavior was worse: Utrum tamen, quae abscondit, an qui eo inquirere iussit, foedius egerit, michi quidem videtur amphibolum(72).
Cicero had been clear about how an orator might use comedy: Haec enim ridentur vel sola, vel maxime, quae notant et designant turpitudinem aliquam non turpiter.
For the chief, if not the only objects of laughter are those sayings which remark upon and point out something unseemly in no unseemly manner(73). By assigning the poem to a soldier, Liudprand fabricates a rhetorical situation that allows him simultaneously to obey and to violate Ciceronian precepts of comic decorum.
Both the story of the woman whose rhetorical competence saved her husband from castration, and the story of Willa's
? 13 ?
humiliation are parodic versions of sexual politics. Reducing sex, property, and greed, to the "lower bodily stratum," makes the forces that determine history graphically absurd.
When Liudprand takes on the topic of Willa, Berengar's
wife, one of the declared targets of the Antapodosis, he
bestows inordinate attention on male genitalia(74). In the
passage that Auerbach chose to examine, Berta's sister
Willa, wife of Berengar, carries on with a chaplain named
Dominic, to whom Liudprand applies fourteen consecutive
pejorative adjectives(75), in an attempt to produce a
grotesque scarcely distinguishable from a gargoyle:
Habuit ea presbiterulum capellanum, nomine
Dominicum, statura brevem, colore fuligineum,
rusticum, setigerum, indocilem, agrestem,
barbarum, durum, vilosum, cauditum, petulcum,
insanum, rebellem, iniquum(76)
Dominic tutors Willa's daughters, and receives what everyone
at court recognizes as unusually generous gifts from the
queen. His relationship with the queen is in danger of being
revealed one night when a dog discovers them in bed, barks,
and bites him(77). Willa temporarily saves her reputation
by claiming that Dominic was pursuing her maids. Eventually
the chaplain is castrated, and Berengar's passion for Willa
perversely increases:
Presbiterulus itaque, quia dominae asseculas
adhinnivit, virilibus amputatis dimittitur; domina
vero a Berengario magis diligitur.
Liudprand claims not to know exactly how she managed to
bring this condition about, although he offers, as one
alternative, the possibility that Willa, like Berta before
her, and, of course, Circe long before her, had supernatural
assistance:
Willa vero coepit aruspices maleficosque
inquirere, quo eorum carminibus iuvaretur. Utrum
autem horum carminibus an Bernegarii sit adiuta
mollicie, nescio; adeo mens eius est inclinata, ut
sponte maritali porrigeret ora capistro(78).
As the final debasement in the anecdote, Liudprand
focuses on Dominic's priapea arma, reducing Willa's passion
for her grotesque lover to a single, grotesque element:
Dixerunt autem, qui eum eunuchizaverunt, quod
merito illum domina amaret, quem priapea arma
portare arma constaret.
Although Rentschler suggest that the Priapic Dominic
represents an example of the influence of Byzantine
historical writing, and of calling things by their right
name(79), the passage clearly also demonstrates one of the
ways in which the techniques of grotesque realism serve the
purposes of the satirist.
? 14 ?
The major contamination, or debasement of the church, however, derives from the behavior of John XII. Crowned Holy Roman Emperor by John XII in 962, Otto proceeded to depose both the Pope and Berengar. Part of the defense of Otto's actions is represented by the debasement of Willa II in the fourth book of the Antapodosis. The rest of the task is done by passages in the Historia Ottonis Magni Imperatoris, where Liudprand offers an intense, detailed attack on the sexual appetites of Pope John XII, including his passion for the widow of Rainer, his passion for Stephana, his father's mistress, and his passion for women pilgrims. Liudprand also denounces the Pope's passion for gambling, his habit of calling on Venus, Jove, and other demons for assistance at dice, and his habit of mutilating his enemies.
Finally, to provide John with a death that might satisfy Ottonians, Liudprand arranges for him to be struck by the devil while in bed with another man's wife: quadam nocte extra Romam, dum se cum viri cuiusdam uxore oblectaret, in temporibus adeo a diabolo est percussus, ut infra dierum octo spacium eodem sit vulnere mortuus(80).
Clearly Liudprand's strength and central interests are
invested in his powers of vituperation; although he offers
the Antapodosis as a relaxation from intellectual efforts,
he devotes a significant amount of intellectual, imaginative
effort to his self?proclaimed "trifles." At the end of the
work he retreats into his initial posture of humility,
turning upon himself the technique of debasement. In the
final scene of the Antapodosis he describes the three?day
ceremony in which the Greek Emperor bestows gold coins upon
his vassals and court?officers. Towards the end of the
ceremony, the emperor asks Liudprand uid super hac re mihi
placeret, and envious, quick?witted Liudprand replies:
Placeret sane, si prodesset; sicut et aestuati
diviti Lazari visa requies placuisset, si
proveniret; cui quia non accidit, qui quaeso
placere potuit(81)?
The emperor is amused and embarassed, Subridens itague
imperator paululum pudore commotus, and presents Liudprand
with a cloak and a pound of gold coins. The last words of
Liudprand and of the Antapodosis are: Libentius accepi.
Thus Liudprand, by likening himself to Dives in hell
watching Lazarus in heaven, receives a material reward,
ironically reversing the values implicit in the Biblical
passage which, as Karl Leyser has pointed out, Liudprand
also commented on seriously, in a homily recently discovered
and printed by Bernard Bischoff(82). The final joke in the
Antapodosis, then, is played by Liudprand on himself.
Anticipating the Archpoet, Hugh Primas, and Walter of
Chatillon, he portrays himself as the victim of his owntechnique, as well as of his historical circumstances: an amusing beggar who debases biblical coin ?? the sacred text ?? for pay(83).
(1) For example, in a review of MICHAEL RENTSCHLER, Liudprand von Cremona (Frankfurt 1981), in: Speculum 58 (1983) 850?851, Martin ARBAGI, expresses the suspicion that S.J. Perlman learned some things from Liudprand.
(2) Cambridge Medieval History, (Cambridge 1911?1936) III 161.
(3) Eric AUERBACH, Literary Language and its Public in Late Latin Antiquity and in the Middle Ages (New York 1965), especially 152?54.
(4) AUERBACH 156.
(5) A version of the argument sometimes used to defend the rhetorical excesses of the Romantic poets; see Henri PEYRE, Literature and Sincerity (New Haven 1963) 134.
(6) Georg MISCH, Geschichte der Autobiographie (Frankfurt 1955) 2 2, 519?650; 521?27 are devoted to Liudprand. Earlier in the twentieth century, Max MANITIUS found Rather an unappealing human being, but an unusual writer, devoting twice the space to him that he gives Liudprand, at least partly because of Rather's greater production; see Geschichte der lateinischen Literature des Mittelalters, (Munich 1923 2) 166?175 and 34?52. Liudprand himself had only good to say about Rather (see Die Werke Liudprands von Cremona, ed. by Joseph BECKER, Hanover 1915 101).
(7) Migne PL CXXXVI 398.
(8) Ed. W.M. LINDSAY (Oxford 1911 ) VI viii 7. Isidore blames the Greeks for starting the genre: Quod malum a Graecis exortum est, quorum levitas instructa dicendi facultate et copia incredibili multas mendaciorum nebulas.
(9) Ivy COMPTON?BURNETT, The Last and the First (New York 1971) 80.
(10) BECKER 177.
(11) BECKER comments (177): "Liudprand gibt in den Grundzügen ein mit Leo Diac. übereinstimmendes Bild von Nikephors, aber er vergröbert absichtlich and sieht ins Lächerliche."
(12) Ed. J. P. CREED, De Mortibus Persecutorum (Oxford 1984) 14. CURTIUS (p. 182 n. 37) offers, among other models, Sidonius' description of Gnatho.
? 17 ?
(13) For the latest discussion of Liudprand's work as a propagandist for Otto, see Ernst KARPF, Herrscherlegitimation and Reichsbegriff in der ottonischen Geschichtsschreigung des 10. Jahrhunderts (Stuttgart 1985) 5?47.
(14) BECKER 4.
(15) La Pharmacie de Platon, in: Tel Quel 32 (1968) 3?48, and Tel Quel 33 (1968) 18?59.
(16) See the opening of book IV.
(17) BECKER 56.
(18) RENTSCHLER 43, 46.
(19) See E. R. CURTIUS, European Literature and the Latin Middle Ages, trans. Willard R. TRASK, (New York 1963) 425?426; Joachim SUCHOMSKI, Delectatio and Utilitas (Bern, 1975) passim; Johan HUIZINGA, Homo Ludens (New York 1970) passim; Hugo RAHNER, Der spielende Mensch, in: Eranos?Jahrbuch 16 (1949) 29; R. Levine, "Wolfram von Eschenbach: Homo Ludens," Viator XIII (1982) 177?201; Max WEHRLI, Poeta Ludens, Zum Spielelement der mittelalterlichen Literatur, in: Variorum mundera florum (Sigmaringen 1985) 193?203. See also BECKER's remarks on Liudprand's temperament, xiv ff.
(20) BECKER 12
(21) BECKER 13.
(22) BECKER 14
. For a provocative discussion of the use of this body of material, contrasting Boethius and Augustine, see F.P. PICKERING, Augustinus oder Boethius (Berlin 1967) I. According to Pickering, a medieval writer had to determine whether his sympathies lay with a Boethian rejection of the possibility that events in the sublunary world had any permanent significance (in which case he could scarcely compose a line on events in his own time), or with the Augustinian affirmation that God's will is worked out in human history. Some writers did both. KARPF (9 n. 24) thinks that Pickering's distinction is not particularly relevant to a reading of Liudprand.
(24) Becker 4.
? 18 ?
(25) For resemblances between the genres in Roman literature, see W.S. ANDERSON, Essays in Roman Satire (Princeton 1982) xi, and Sir Ronald SYME, Roman Papers II (Oxford 1984) 1117.
(26) BECKER 152.
(27) For connections between Liudprand's idea of revenge and what Pickering calls an Augustinian vision of history, see Jon M. SUTHERLAND, The Idea of Revenge, in: Speculum 50 (1975) 391?410. Sutherland emphasizes the degree to which Liudprand puts theological arguments to personal use (408?409). See also Hans JESSEN, Die Wirkung der augustinischen Geschichtsphilosophie auf den Weltanschauungen and Geschichtsschreibungen Liudprands von Cremona (diss. Greifeld 1921).
(28) BECKER 73 ?74
(29) For Merovingian uses of the figure of Jezabel for
political invective, see Janet L. NELSON, Queens as
Jezabels: The Career of Brundhild and Balthild in
Merovingian History, in: Medieval Women, ed. Derek
Baker (Oxford, 1978) 31?77.
(30) See Heinrich FICHTENAU, Lebensordnungen des 10. Jahrhunderts (Stuttgart 1984) I 146 ff.; see also Bernard HAMILTON, "The House of Theophylact and the promotion of the religious life among women in tenth century Rome," in: Monastic Reform, Catharism and the Crusades, (London 1979) IV.
(31) BECKER 66?67.
(32) BECKER 115.
(33) Liudprand began composing the Antapodosis in 958 at Frankfurt, at the court of Otto the Great. who gave him, in return for his mission to Constantinople, the bishopric of Cremona.
(34) BECKER xv.
(35) Mikhail BAKHTIN, Rabelais and his World (Cambridge 1968) 370. For a recent application of some of Bakhtin's distinctions, see the introduction to Jill MANN's edition and translation of Ysengrimus (Leiden 1987) 29?44.
(36) BAKHTIN 370.
? 19 ?
(37) In a paper delivered May 7, 1988 at the twenty?third Congress on Medieval Studies at Kalamazoo, George Panayioutou demonstrated Liudprand's love of rhetorical excess. Particularly striking symptoms include his penchant for abundantia dicendi, particularly ornamental doublets, and variatio dicendi.
(38) Effectively what CURTIUS means by "kitchen humor," 431?435.
(39) BAKHTIN 235.
(40) For Graeco?Roman attitudes towards feasting, see J. MARTIN, Symposion (Paderborn 1931).
(41) See RENTSCHLER 36?40. See BECKER 196, for Liudprand's contrast of those who eat garlic, onions, and leeks with those who are carnivores.
(42) They also seem to reflect a Roman satirical topos involving the client who is humiliated at the patron's dinner?table. See Juvenal V, Martial 3.60, 6.11, and R. SHERO, Classical Philology 18 (1923) 126?43.
(43) BECKER 18.
(44) BECKER 69.
(45) BECKER 78.
(46) BECKER 98.
(47) BECKER 40?41.
(48) BECKER 68?69. The allusion is to John 13.27.
(49) Henk VYNCKIER's suggestion that Liudprand is following the pattern for martyrs in the Legatio would seem to support the suggestion that Liudprand characteristically had sacred models in mind; see Liudprandi Passio, in: Medieval Perspectives I (1986) 54?64.
(50) BECKER 69
(51) BECKER 24?25.
(52) BECKER 25.
(53) BECKER 29.
(54) BECKER 62?63.
(55) BECKER 77.
? 20 ?
(56) BECKER 76.
(57) BECKER 60.
(58) BECKER 58
(59) BECKER 95?96.
(60) BECKER 82
(61) BECKER 96
(62) Liudprand supresses the rest of her story, perhaps because, according to the Subiaco Register, dated 15 March 952, she became ancilla Dei (HAMILTON IV 209).
(63) BECKER 111?112.
(64) Ludibrium autem, immo sapientiam, quam quaedam tunc mulier gessit, hic inseramus (BECKER 108).
(65) BECKER 108; taken from Cato, Disticha 11.18.
(66) BECKER 109.
(67) Aeneid 111.620: di talem terris avertite pestem.
(68) By the thirteenth century, at least in England, the woman's contention had some legal support. The Placita Corone, a set of legal precedents compiled 1274?75 in England, offers the following modification of punishment for a rapist:
Et si il seit homme espous ke tel trespas avera fet et sa femme veigne a hure et a tens, ce est a saver avant ke jugement li seit done, ele porra chalanger les coilles son seignur com les siens et en tel manire, solum dreite ley, ne ert il fors avegle pur le trespas ed. J.M. KAYE, Placita Corone, Selden Society, Supplementary Series (London 1966) 9
(69) BECKER 110.
(70) BECKER 111.
(71) Liudprand's habit of breaking into his text to comment on the action is, of course, characteristic of many medieval historians; however it also resembles the technique of the sortie, as Paul ZUMTHOR describes its twelfth century use, in Roman et gothique: deux aspects de la poésie médiévale, in: Studi in onore di Italo Siciliano (Florence 1966) 2 1233.
(72) BECKER 111.
? 21 ?
(73) Cicero: De Oratore, E.W. Sutton and H. Rackham, Cambridge, 1967, v. I, pp. 372?73.
(74) In an earlier passage, the genitalia seem pathetic, not grotesque: when Giselbert, count of Bergamo is brought before the king, his genitals visible (BECKER 65?66). Liudprand uses lines from Terence's Eunuch 111.1.42, to heighten the comedy: in genitalium ostensione membrorum risu omnes emoririer. The king releases him on his own recognizance, in effect, with most impractical generosity.
(75) Some of which he seems to have borrowed, as BECKER points out (150, n. 3), from the description of Pan by an anonymous author, to be found in Poetae latinae minores, ed. BAEHRENS (Leipzig 1879?1886) 111.170.
(76) BECKER 150.
(77) The scene may be regarded as an exercise in the rhetorical topic of "the adulterer unmasked," as described by C.S. BALDWIN in Medieval Rhetoric and Poetics (Gloucester 1959) 11.
(78) BECKER 151; Sponte...capistro is borrowed from Juvenal VI.43.
(79) RENTSCHLER 66?67.
(80) BECKER 173.
(81) BECKER 158.
(82) Karl LEYSER, Liudprand of Cremona, Preacher and Homilist, in The Bible in the Medieval World (Oxford 1985) 43?60.
(83) Lucilius and Horace, of course, also composed comic routines at their own expense. MISCH (577) suggests that Rather's attack on himself in the Phrenesis, was in this Roman tradition.
22
(73) Cicero: De Oratore, E.W. Sutton and H. Rackham, Cambridge, 1967, v. I, pp. 372?73.
(74) In an earlier passage, the genitalia seem pathetic, not grotesque: when Giselbert, count of Bergamo is brought before the king, his genitals visible (BECKER 65?66). Liudprand uses lines from Terence's Eunuch 111.1.42, to heighten the comedy: in genitalium ostensione membrorum risu omnes emoririer. The king releases him on his own recognizance, in effect, with most impractical generosity.
(75) Some of which he seems to have borrowed, as BECKER points out (150, n. 3), from the description of Pan by an anonymous author, to be found in Poetae latinae minores, ed. BAEHRENS (Leipzig 1879?1886) 111.170.
(76) BECKER 150.
(77) The scene may be regarded as an exercise in the rhetorical topic of "the adulterer unmasked," as described by C.S. BALDWIN in Medieval Rhetoric and Poetics (Gloucester 1959) 11.
(78) BECKER 151; Sponte...capistro is borrowed from Juvenal VI.43.
(79) RENTSCHLER 66?67.
(80) BECKER 173.
(81) BECKER 158.
(82) Karl LEYSER, Liudprand of Cremona, Preacher and Homilist, in The Bible in the Medieval World (Oxford 1985) 43?60.
(83) Lucilius and Horace, of course, also composed comic routines at their own expense. MISCH (577) suggests that Rather's attack on himself in the Phrenesis, was in this Roman tradition.
22
(73) Cicero: De Oratore, E.W. Sutton and H. Rackham, Cambridge, 1967, v. I, pp. 372?73.
(74) In an earlier passage, the genitalia seem pathetic, not grotesque: when Giselbert, count of Bergamo is brought before the king, his genitals visible (BECKER 65?66). Liudprand uses lines from Terence's Eunuch 111.1.42, to heighten the comedy: in genitalium ostensione membrorum risu omnes emoririer. The king releases him on his own recognizance, in effect, with most impractical generosity.
(75) Some of which he seems to have borrowed, as BECKER points out (150, n. 3), from the description of Pan by an anonymous author, to be found in Poetae latinae minores, ed. BAEHRENS (Leipzig 1879?1886) 111.170.
(76) BECKER 150.
(77) The scene may be regarded as an exercise in the rhetorical topic of "the adulterer unmasked," as described by C.S. BALDWIN in Medieval Rhetoric and Poetics (Gloucester 1959) 11.
(78) BECKER 151; Sponte...capistro is borrowed from Juvenal VI.43.
(79) RENTSCHLER 66?67.
(80) BECKER 173.
(81) BECKER 158.
(82) Karl LEYSER, Liudprand of Cremona, Preacher and Homilist, in The Bible in the Medieval World (Oxford 1985) 43?60.
(83) Lucilius and Horace, of course, also composed comic routines at their own expense. MISCH (577) suggests that Rather's attack on himself in the Phrenesis, was in this Roman tradition.
22
It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality,' which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophilia.
What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:
I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.
Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail, which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'
As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted on leftist commie propaganda site Salon.com as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.
And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homo slut!
Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children. To quote from the article linked:
'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'
Is this why you were touching your penis in the cinema, Jon? And letting the other boys touch it too?
We should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as 'Slashdot's resident Gasbag.' Is there any more doubt? For those fortunate few who aren't aware of the list of homosexual terminology found inside the Linux 'Sauce Code,' a 'Gasbag' is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra (or to use the common parlance, 'piss-pipe'), then his homosexual lover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum. This is, of course, when he's not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agenda.
Sick, disgusting antichristian perverts, the lot of them.
In addition, many of the Linux distributions (a 'distribution' is the most common way to spread the faggots' wares) are run by faggot groups. The Slackware distro is named after the 'Slack-wear' fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes. Furthermore, Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse, a reference to the homosexual practise of anal fisting. The Mandrake product is run by a group of French faggot satanists, and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator. It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked, which is what they do.
Another 'distro,' (abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like 'Disco,' which is where homosexuals preyed on young boys in the 1970s), is Debian, an anagram of in a bed, which could be considered innocent enough (after all, a bed is both where we sleep and pray), until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares. 'Woody' is obvious enough, being a term for the erect male penis, glistening with pre-cum. But far sicker is the phrase 'Frozen Potato' that they use. This filthy term, again found in the secret homosexual 'Sauce Code,' refers to the solo homosexual practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag, shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus, then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid. The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen 'potato' up his own rectum, squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasm.
And Red Hat is secret homo slang for the tip of a penis that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpiece.
The fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry! For example, the 'supermount' tool was devised to allow deeper penetration, which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland. 'Automount' is used, on the other hand, because Linux users are all fat and gay, and need to mount each other automatically.
The depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of 'mount points.' These are, plainly speaking, the different points of penetration. The main one is obviously
More evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love `man`, even going so far as to say that all new Linux users (who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda) should try out `man`. In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a man.
Other areas of the system also show Linux's inherit gayness. For example, people are often told of the 'FAQ,' but how many innocent heterosexual Windows users know what this actually means. The answer is shocking: Faggot Anal Quest: the voyage of discovery for newly converted fags!
Even the title 'Slashdot' originally referred to a homosexual practice. Slashdot of course refers to the popular gay practice of blood-letting. The Slashbots, of course are those super-zealous homosexuals who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses, as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users, the depraved work of Satan, http://www.eff.org/.
The editors of Slashdot also have homosexual names: 'Hemos' is obvious in itself, being one vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Commander Taco' which sounds a bit like 'Commode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement. (The best form of lubrication, they insist.) Sometimes, these 'Taco Commodes' have special 'Salsa Sauce' (blood from a ruptured rectum) and 'Cheese' (rancid flakes of penis discharge) toppings. And to make it even worse, Slashdot runs on Apache!
The Apache server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homosexual activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the Village People, featured an Apache Indian, and it is for him that this gay program is named.
And that's not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world -- patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fisting.
To summarise: Linux is gay. 'Slash -- Dot' is the graphical description of the space between a young boy's scrotum and anus. And BeOS is for hermaphrodites and disabled 'stumpers.'
FEEDBACK
Well, the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux 'Sauce code' once. Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer (and haven't you always been worried about the phrase 'Monolithic Kernel'?), this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race, as well as a few of the major animal species. It has shocked and disturbed me, to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homo-calypse which threatens to engulf our planet.
Doesn't it give you a hard-on to imagine your thick strong poker ramming it's way up my most sacred of sphincters? You're beyond help, my friend, as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man. Are you sure you're not Eric Raymond? The government, being populated by limp-wristed liberals, could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual child molesting Linux advocacy. Hell, they've given NAMBLA free reign for years!
Thank you for your kind words of support. However, this document shall only ever be posted anonymously. This is because the 'Open Sauce' movement is a sham, proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom. I speak for the common man. For any man who prefers the warm, enveloping velvet folds of a woman's vagina to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child. These men, being common, decent folk, don't have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture. I am the unknown liberator.
We shouldn't hate them, we should pity them for the misguided fools they are... Fanatical Linux zeal-outs need to be herded into camps for re-education and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society. This re-education shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism.
Well, it just goes to show that even the holy Linux 'sauce code' is riddled with bugs that need fixing. (The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me.) The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this, with their queer slogan: 'Given enough arms, all rectums are shallow.' And anyway, the PS2 sucks major cock and isn't worth the money. Intellivision forever!
For one thing, whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing, NT is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film, enjoying the restriction enforced onto them. Remember, a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church. Clearly, the only god-fearing Christian operating system in existence is CP/M -- The Christian Program Monitor. All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems. It is the only route to salvation.
Secondly, this message is for every man. Computers know no colour. Not only that, but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man . Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher.
Although there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a woman's breasts, squirting one's load up towards her neck and chin area, it should be noted that Perl (standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally) is also close to 'Pearl Monocle,' 'Pearl Nosering,' and the ubiquitous 'Pearl Enema.'
One scary thing about Perl is that it contains hidden homosexual messages. Take the following code: LWP::Simple -- It looks innocuous enough, doesn't it? But look at the line closely: There are two colons next to each other! As Larry 'Balls to the' Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation, Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate it's programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts -- having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of 'colon kissing,' whereby two homosexual queers spread their buttocks wide, pressing their filthy torn sphincters together. They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone. This is also referred to in programming 'circles' as 'Parameter Passing.'
And PHP stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration. Didn't you know?
Well, I don't know about terraforming Mars, but I do know that homosexual Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years.
*sniff* That brings a tear to my eye. Thank you once more for your kind support. I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lord's work, but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man here.
However, I should be cautious about revealing your name 'Cerberus' on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot. It is a well known fact that the 'Kerberos' documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing, in intimate, exacting detail, how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals; be they domesticated, wild, or mythical. Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide, treating it as an 'extension' to the Linux 'Sauce Code,' for the sake of 'interoperability.' (The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse -- their favourite kind.)
In fact, sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties, (Love of Anal Naughtiness, needless to say.), wherein they entice a stray dog, known as the 'Samba Mount,' into their homes. Up to four of these filth-sodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect, throbbing, uncircumcised members, conkers-deep, into the rectum, mouth, and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal. Eventually, the 'Samba Mount' collapses due to 'overload,' and needs to be 'rebooted.' (i.e., kicked out into the street, and left to fend for itself.) Many Linux users boast about their 'uptime' in such situations.
If only indeed. You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible. I recommend '+1, Underrated,' as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation. Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture. Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened 'Bender'???
If we can get just one of these postings up to at least '+1,' then it will be archived forever! Others will learn of our struggle, and join with us in our battle for freedom!
I am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity that is Linux, in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow. It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.
I could make an arrogant, childish comment along the lines of 'Every time someone asks for 2.0, I won't release it for another 24 hours,' but the truth of the matter is that I'm quite nervous of releasing a 'number two,' as I can guarantee some filthy shit-slurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before I've even had chance to wipe.
I sincerely hope you're Natalie Portman.
What the fuck?
Well bugger me!
Fuck right off!
IMPORTANT: This message needs to be heard (Not HURD, which is an acronym for 'Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator') across the whole community, so it has been released into the Public Domain. You know, that licence that we all had before those homoerotic crypto-fascists came out with the GPL (Gay Penetration License) that is no more than an excuse to see who's got the biggest feces-encrusted cock. I would have put this up on Freshmeat, but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boy.
Come to think of it, the whole concept of 'Source Control' unnerves me, because it sounds a bit like 'Sauce Control,' which is a description of the homosexual practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation, thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receiver's scrotum. And 'Open Sauce' is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later. Obviously, 'Closed Sauce' is the only Christian thing to do, as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about.
Contributors: (although not to the eternal game of 'soggy biscuit' that open 'sauce' development has become) Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, phee, Anonymous Coward, mighty jebus, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, double_h, Anonymous Coward, Eimernase, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward. Further contributions are welcome.
Current changes: This version sent to FreeWIPO by 'Bring BackATV' as plain text. Reformatted everything, added all links back in (that we could match from the previous version), many new ones (Slashbot bait links). Even more spelling fixed. Who wrote this thing, CmdrTaco himself?
Previous changes: Yet more changes added. Spelling fixed. Feedback added. Explanation of 'distro' system. 'Mount Point' syntax described. More filth regarding `man` and Slashdot. Yet more fucking spelling fixed. 'Fetchmail' uncovered further. More Slashbot baiting. Apache exposed. Distribution licence at foot of document.
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
VhAq5bWdga Post #612
Goddamit all to hell - where are my mod points! ROTFLMAO! (ASTC)
Jump out a window with your alternate OS of choice, bitch.
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Introduction
A fairy gives lectures on morality to the feline anomaly. Furthermore, another photon near an abstraction takes a coffee break, and a mortician buries a blithe spirit. The wedding dress secretly admires a college-educated ball bearing. If the freight train figures out a fire hydrant near a pit viper, then some mating ritual beyond another cowboy reads a magazine. Any squid can find lice on a freight train, but it takes a real recliner to ostensibly plan an escape from another pit viper defined by a prime minister a cough syrup toward a graduated cylinder.
Another mating ritual
For example, a blood clot about a turn signal indicates that a financial bartender borrows money from a warranty. When a demon is imaginative, a paper napkin secretly admires an often snooty graduated cylinder. If the grain of sand learns a hard lesson from the short order cook behind some graduated cylinder, then another blithe spirit flies into a rage. Any pig pen can lazily require assistance from a burly plaintiff, but it takes a real fighter pilot to caricature the steam engine over a satellite. Another eagerly temporal minivan slyly buries the obsequious squid, or a briar patch usually gives lectures on morality to a cyprus mulch.
A gratifying fairy
Sometimes another cashier reads a magazine, but the fraction for the cyprus mulch always buries a power drill toward the demon! The light bulb befriends a satellite of an apartment building. A lazily Alaskan roller coaster sanitizes another mitochondrial traffic light, or some burglar eats a hesitantly smelly plaintiff. For example, a seldom righteous traffic light indicates that an ocean knows some chestnut inside the tabloid. If the earring somewhat finds subtle faults with a pine cone, then the wheelbarrow hibernates.
The cocker spaniel about the salad dressing
For example, the umbrella toward an abstraction indicates that the dolphin near a ball bearing caricatures a girl scout near some diskette. A cocker spaniel for the judge reads a magazine, and a pine cone finds subtle faults with a rattlesnake. Furthermore, the hairy movie theater returns home, and a grizzly bear near a paycheck is a big fan of a childlike burglar. For example, a canyon living with a graduated cylinder indicates that the industrial complex buries a jersey cow.
Conclusions
A squid around a jersey cow meditates, and another nation sweeps the floor; however, a scooby snack knowingly finds subtle faults with an apartment building living with another chain saw. When a hockey player around a paycheck is smelly, a minivan has a change of heart about an oil filter about an asteroid. The bartender around a polygon is barely soggy. Indeed, another rattlesnake befriends a warranty. Indeed, the carpet tack for an abstraction usually caricatures an elusive h
- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs
9MkbEMlZ9l Post #613
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Introduction
The cheese wheel inexorably avoids contact with the paycheck. The steam engine goes deep sea fishing with an often outer ski lodge. When the cyprus mulch over a vacuum cleaner hides, a ball bearing gets stinking drunk.
The tornado
For example, a submarine behind a class action suit indicates that the optimal fairy satiates an Alaskan recliner. When a mitochondrial bottle of beer is thoroughly dirt-encrusted, a most difficult blood clot underhandedly writes a love letter to a defendant. An earring pees on the cashier over some globule, but the pathetic crane sells another vacuum cleaner behind a scythe to a false wheelbarrow. If a chess board defined by a grain of sand makes love to a crispy cyprus mulch, then a particle accelerator flies into a rage.
A Eurasian globule
The feline minivan earns frequent flier miles, and the buzzard defined by a ball bearing trembles; however, a senator living with the girl scout learns a hard lesson from the inferiority complex. Any chain saw can try to seduce the particle accelerator, but it takes a real salad dressing to play pinochle with the inexorably precise paycheck. Furthermore, another seldom load bearing defendant flies into a rage, and a paycheck around a light bulb seeks a roller coaster around another bartender. If a crank case makes love to the diskette, then the squid toward a mortician meditates. Now and then, an insurance agent thoroughly avoids contact with a pompous turkey.
A microscope
Most people believe that an orbiting diskette trades baseball cards with a movie theater, but they need to remember how secretly a statesmanlike short order cook wakes up. A paternal roller coaster is usually financial. When the accurately varigated hole puncher takes a coffee break, a slyly smelly garbage can earns frequent flier miles. For example, the phony cheese wheel indicates that the tornado near a fruit cake hesitantly gives lectures on morality to a salad dressing defined by the corporation. The carpet tack near a cargo bay, some parking lot toward a warranty, and a stovepipe beyond a freight train are what made America great!
Conclusions
A judge beyond the briar patch laughs and drinks all night with the snooty chestnut. A raspy burglar conquers a bowling ball. For example, another plaintiff toward a bartender indicates that the ski lodge behind a fairy finds lice on a burglar. If some rattlesnake toward a cheese wheel can be kind to a blood clot, then the elusive movie theater self-flagellates. When a photon related to a turkey is most difficult, a self-loathing bottle of beer falls in love with a pickup truck living with the paycheck.
- posted by poopbot: the bot formerly known as pwpbot
B0agXPUzu7 Post #614
Off topic, but I have to know...
My computer's longest uptime is 12 hours. I've tried windows, redhat and mandrake. Windows has performed the best
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT POOR MACHINE???
Windows XP Shows the Direction Microsoft is Going.
"I've heard WinXP removed the cmd/command prompt."
No, Microsoft didn't remove the CMD.EXE or COMMAND.COM prompt from Windows XP. But Windows XP has reduced functionality, in many ways, not just in the command line. The command line is a big embarrassment because of its limited capabilities, but at least in Win 95 it worked. With every version since then it has worked less well. (There are two kinds of command prompt, and, according to Microsoft employees, the differences between them are not documented.)
The command line prompt sometimes begins to display short file names. Microsoft employees say that Microsoft has no fix, although someone not connected with Microsoft did make a work-around.
Cutting and pasting into a command line program often puts successive extra spaces before each line. Microsoft employees say that there is no plan to fix this.
The fast paste mode that is in Windows 98 is gone in Windows XP. Microsoft employees say there is no plan to fix this.
When using the command line interface, Windows XP doesn't always update the time. After several hours, the time reported to command line programs can be several hours in error.
There is a DOS program called START.EXE that can be used to start other programs. But it does operate the same way as in other versions of Windows. It starts a program, but cannot be made to return control to the command line program as previous versions did. There is no technical reason for this; it is just one of the shortcomings that are allowed to exist.
People often say that DOS has gone away. But Microsoft still calls the command line interface DOS, and in Windows XP Microsoft has added new programs for configuring the OS that work only under DOS.
Sometimes when you press a key while using Windows XP, it is seconds until there is any response. Apparently there is something wrong with the CPU scheduler in XP, because there are a lot of complaints about this in the forums and MS people have said that they are working on it. On one particular fresh installation of XP, on an Intel motherboard with either a Matrox G550 or an ATI Radeon video adapter, it requires 18 seconds to display a directory listing of 94 items. This is apparently related to a bug in the video software, not the adapter drivers.
Something is wrong with the Alt-Tab display of running programs under Windows XP. If there are a lot of programs, not all of them are displayed. The order jumps around in a seemingly random way.
Although articles often say negative things about Microsoft, I've never seen an article that fully documents how bad the situation really is. Microsoft's management is so bad that the company has become self-destructive. For example, Windows XP is spyware. Here is a list of ways Windows XP connects to Microsoft's servers:
- Application Layer Gateway Service (Requires server rights.)
- Fax Service
- File Signature Verification
- Generic Host Process for Win32 Services (Requires server rights.)
- Microsoft Application Error Reporting
- Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer
- Microsoft Direct Play Voice Test
- Microsoft Help and Support Center
- Microsoft Help Center Hosting Server (Wants server rights.)
- Microsoft Management Console
- Microsoft Media Player (tells Microsoft the music you like)
- Microsoft Network Availability Test
- Microsoft Volume Shadow Copy Service
- MS DTC Console program
- Run DLL as an app
- Services and Controller app
- Time Service, sets the time on your computer from Microsoft's computer.
- Microsoft Office keeps a number in each file you create that identifies
your computer. Microsoft has never said why.
- Microsoft mouse software has reduced functionality until you let it connect
to Microsoft computers.
These are just the ones I know. There may be others.So, if you use Windows XP, your computer is dependent on Microsoft computers. That's bad, not only because you lose control over your possession, but because Microsoft produces buggy software and doesn't patch bugs quickly. For example, as of July 7, 2002, there are 18 unpatched security holes in Microsoft Internet Explorer. This is a terrible record for a company that has $40 billion in the bank. Obviously, with that kind of money, Microsoft could fix the bugs if it wanted to fix them. Since the bugs are very public and Microsoft has the money, it seems reasonable to suppose that top management at Microsoft has deliberately decided that the bugs should remain, at least for now.
It seems possible that there is a connection between all the bugs and the U.S. government's friendly treatment of Microsoft's law-breaking. The U.S. government's CIA and FBI and NSA departments spy on the entire world, and unpatched vulnerabilities in Microsoft software help spies.
Windows XP, and all current Windows operating systems, have a file called the registry in which configuration information is written. If this one (large, often fragmented) file becomes corrupted, the only way of recovering may be to re-format the hard drive, re-install the operating system, and then re-install and re-configure all the applications. The registry file is a single, very vulnerable, point of failure. Microsoft apparently designed it this way to provide copy protection. Since most entries in the registry are poorly documented or not documented, the registry effectively prevents control by the user.
Note that Microsoft does not support making functional complete backups under Windows XP. Look at Microsoft's policy about this: Q314828 Microsoft Policy on Disk Duplication of Windows XP Installation. Only those who work with Microsoft software will understand the true meaning of Microsoft's policy. Since almost all programs use the registry operating system file, if you cannot make a functional copy of the operating system you cannot make a functional copy of all your application installations and configurations. There are other software companies that try to fix this, but they don't work well, and Microsoft can, of course, break their implementations, as they have often done with other kinds of competitors.
Because the configuration information for the motherboard and the configuration information for the are mixed together in the registry file, the registry tends to prevent you from moving a hard drive to a computer with a different motherboard. That's another implication of the above Microsoft policy. So, if you have a motherboard failure, and a good complete backup, you may not be able to recover unless you have a spare computer with the same motherboard.
Note that Windows XP Professional can support only ten simultaneous incoming network connections. If you want more than that, you must use Windows 2000 server, and pay much, much more. (There is no Windows XP server yet.) Many businesses have very light network traffic; they just move files from staff member to staff member; they really don't need a dedicated server computer. The staff computers could easily handle the load except for this artificial limitation.
Apparently because the Windows XP GUI comes from Windows 98, Windows XP has the same problem with desktop icons that Windows 98 has. The icons sometimes flicker. Sometimes they move themselves around, particularly after the user switches monitor resolutions. Also, sometimes the taskbar settings un-configure themselves, as they do in Windows 98.
Only technically knowledgeable people know how to avoid signing up for a Microsoft Passport account during initial use of Windows XP. The name Passport gives an indication of Microsoft's thinking. A passport is a document issued by a sovereign nation. Without it, the nation's citizens cannot travel, and, if they leave, won't be allowed back in their own country. In Microsoft's corporate thinking, the company seems to be moving in the direction of believing that they own the user's computer. Most people are both honest and intimidated. Apparently about 95% do whatever they are asked on the screen. They give their personal information to Microsoft. They don't realize that, if they feel forced to get a Passport account, they should enter almost completely fictitious information, since the real question is not "What is your name and address", but "Can we invade your privacy". The honest answer to this is "No, you cannot invade my privacy", and the only effective way to communicate that is to give completely fictitious information. Since it is the educated people who have computers, Microsoft is building a database of the personal lives of educated people. Microsoft knows when they connect and from what IP address (which tends to show the area), what kind of help they ask, and information about what they are doing with their computers, including what music they like. It is not known, and there is no way to know, how much Microsoft or other organizations make use of this information, or their plans for future use.
Not only has Windows XP definitely gone further in the direction of allowing the user less control over his or her own machine, but with Palladium, Microsoft apparently intends to finish the job: Microsoft will have ultimate control over the user's computer and therefore all his or her data. Even now, under Windows XP, a recent security patch requires that the user agree to a contract that gives Microsoft administrator privileges over the user's computer. The contract says that if a user wants to patch his or her system against a bug which would allow an attack over the Internet, he or she must give Microsoft legal control over the computer. See this article also: Microsoft's Digital Rights Management-- A Little Deeper. You may need to be a lawyer to take apart the crucial sentence. "These security related updates may disable your ability to copy and/or play Secure Content and [my emphasis] use other software on your computer" legally includes this meaning: "These updates may disable your ability to use other software on your computer." Note that the term "security related updates" is meaningless to the user because the updates have no relation to user security. So, the sentence effectively means that Microsoft can control the user's computer without notice and whenever it wants. That kind of sentence is known in psychology as "testing the limits". If there is no strong public complaint about this, expect to see more and stronger language like this.
This Register article shows the direction Microsoft is going: MS Palladium protects IT vendors, not you. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and Microsoft is well down that road. See this ZDNet article, also: MS: Why we can't trust your 'trustworthy' OS.
Microsoft's self-destructiveness does not mean that the user should be self-destructive. There is no need to apologize for using Microsoft software. The correct solution to abuse is persuading the abuser to stop being abusive. Once I posted to a Slashdot story a link to an article on a web site of mine. By far the majority of visitors from the Slashdot story used Microsoft operating systems. Rather than feel embarrassed because Microsoft is abusive, action needs to be taken to prevent the abuse. If you are against Microsoft abuse, you are not against Microsoft; you are more pro-Microsoft than Bill Gates.
These Microsoft policies mean that any government which wants to be independent of the United States government, and any government which represents itself as controlled by the people, cannot use Microsoft operating systems, or other Microsoft proprietary systems.
- posted by poopbot: for the crapflooder in all of us
iDAE0VDMKs Post #615
LOVELY SNOT! WONDERFUL SNOT! By J. Wipo Troll, Esq., $Revision: 1.4 $
CmdrTaco: You sit here, dear.
CowboiKneel: All right.
CmdrTaco (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
CmdrTaco: Well, whatve you got?
Waitress: Well, theres egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and snot; egg, bacon and snot; egg, bacon, sausage, and snot; snot, bacon, sausage, and snot; snot, egg, snot, snot, bacon, and snot; snot, sausage, snot, snot, bacon, snot, tomato, and snot;
Slashdot Crew (starting to chant): Snot, snot, snot, snot
Waitress: Snot, snot, snot, egg, and snot; snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, baked beans, snot, snot, snot
Slashdot Crew (singing): Snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot!
Waitress: or Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and snot.
CowboiKneel: Have you got anything without snot?
Waitress: Well, theres snot, egg, sausage, and snot, thats not got much snot in it.
CowboiKneel: I dont want any snot!
CmdrTaco: Why cant he have egg, bacon, snot, and sausage?
CowboiKneel: Thats got snot in it!
CmdrTaco: Hasnt got as much snot in it as snot, egg, sausage, and snot, has it?
Slashdot Crew: Snot, snot, snot, snot! (crescendo through next few lines)
CowboiKneel: Could you do the egg, bacon, snot, and sausage without the snot then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
CowboiKneel: What do you mean Urgghh? I dont like snot!
Slashdot Crew: Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!
Waitress: Shut up!
Slashdot Crew: Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!
Waitress: Shut up! (Slashdot Crew stops) Bloody Slashdot fags! You cant have egg, bacon, snot and sausage without the snot.
CowboiKneel (shrieks): I dont like snot!
CmdrTaco: Sshh, dear, dont cause a fuss. Ill have your snot. I love it. Im having snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, beaked beans, snot, snot, snot, and snot!
Slashdot Crew (singing): Snot, snot, snot, snot. Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
CmdrTaco: Well could I have his snot instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot
Slashdot Crew (singing elaborately): Snot, snot, snot, snot. Lovely snot! Wonderful snot! Snot, sno-o-o-o-o-ot, snot, sno-o-o-o-o-ot snot. Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Snot, snot, snot, snot!
- posted by poopbot: crapflooding since 7/8/02
X6e7W3DqEo Post #616
When should I re-breed my female?
There seems to be as many theories about when to re-breed as there are breeders. Most breeders have a system which seems to work for them and they will swear by it. I have read articles advocating anywhere from three days postpartum to three weeks.
Over the years we have developed a system which is based on a
twelve-day cycle. There is four-day period at the top of this cycle when the follicles are mature and pregnancy can occur. If you have ever seen photos of the amount of internal damage that can be done to a female llama from repeated breedings, you will understand why we try to breed our females only once. We will field test them forty- eight hours later and if they haven't ovulated by then, we will let them re-breed. The female knows whether she has ovulated and will most likely spit at the male if she has.
After this field test or re-breeding we have found that there is no
point in putting them together until two more cycles. The advantages of this system is that it is easier on the animals and it is much easier on us. When we purchased out first llamas the prevailing idea was that you could breed them at any time as they are induced ovulators. We would breed them when it was convenient for us, when it was a weekend, or a sunny day, or when we remembered. In those days it never occurred to us that it might be inconvenient for the females or that their bodies were telling them that it was the wrong time.
After a few of them threw themselves on the ground and refused to
leave their field to go and visit the male, we figured that maybe they were trying to tell us something. This was happening around day nineteen which seems to be the low point on the cycle. These animals were certainly trying to tell us something. Later, when their systems said it was the proper time, they left the field willingly and lay down for the male without any hesitation.
Often people will say that it must be cruel to re-breed them so soon
after they have had their babies, but that is the way it is in nature. To assure survival, the guanacos in Patagonia must have their offspring at the same time every year, when it is getting warm in the spring. Nature has set the gestation at 350 days and the females breed again about two weeks later, which works out to exactly a year.
This is how our system works. We will assume that the cria was
born today, Tuesday July 23, 2002. Assuming that it was a normal birth and there were no complications, we would put her in with the male twelve days later, on Sunday, August 04, 2002.
Note: If you get "undefined, undefined NaN, NaN" showing up instead of dates in the previous paragraph it means that there is a glitch in the browser you are using. This problem showed up in version 4.6.1 of Netscape. It should display properly in earlier versions of Netscape and does work in Internet Explorer. This also applies to the next page, which draws a chart.
We would field test her on day fourteen, Tuesday, August 06, 2002 and if she spits you can assume that she is bred and should be due around Sunday, July 20, 2003. If she doesn't spit and the male is interested, then we would let them re-breed.
The cycle goes down now and we don't feel that it is worth trying to
breed them until the proper peak. In fact, we don't normally put them back together or even field test them until day thirty-six. If we suspected that the female was open, the next time we would breed her would be on Wednesday, August 28, 2002 (day 36). This means that she should be due on Wednesday, August 13, 2003
The next twelve day cycle peaks on day twenty-four so you could breed your female on this second cycle which would be Friday, August 16, 2002. We usually avoid this cycle as we have found that there is more chance of the fetus being re-absorbed and also something seems to happen that causes the pregnancy to go an extra fifteen to twenty days. The cria should be due on Friday, August 01, 2003 (350 days). If the female shows no sign of delivering then, we are not concerned as this system offers an alternate due date which would be Thursday, August 21, 2003, (370 days) which strange as it seems, is later that if we had bred her on day thirty-six.
We have been using this system since 1994 and have had much
better results in getting our llamas bred than we had earlier. Taking a reluctant female who is not at the peak of her cycle to an amorous male is no fun and, as well as getting spat on, it can be dangerous if she decides to bolt and run. Occasionally we have had the female drop on the ground as she is going through the gate, which aside from being inconvenient, certainly tells us that she is ready.
If you would like to run a chart for your own female llama, this next
page allows you to enter the birth date of the cria and a chart will be generated for you using JavaScript. The cria will have to be at least one day old before the program will work and obviously you can't have a date that hasn't occurred yet. If your female has been open for year or two, the cycle may not be exact, but it is a starting point at least.
This chart for your cria starts today, Tuesday July 23, 2002 and runs for thirty days. The peaks of the cycles are marked by the asterisks and printed in green. The days marked in orange and red would be the worst times to re-breed.
We have had good success re-breeding on the peak of the left horn cycle which is marked by the three stars and field testing the female forty-eight hours later.
Some of our females have caught on the light green, one star day on the downside of the cycle.
Over the years we have had animals become bred pretty well anywhere on the cycle, but we have found that our success rate is much higher by breeding on the
peak of the cycle. The females are more willing and often only need to be bred once.
Breeding on the right horn cycle has worked sometimes, but we have found that very often the length of gestation will be an additional fifteen or twenty days.
This chart for Cmdr Taco starts in cycle number: 43
Day 518 ** Jul 23
Day 519 * Jul 24
Day 520 Jul 25
Day 521 Jul 26
Day 522 Jul 27
Day 523 Jul 28
Day 524 Jul 29
Day 525 Jul 30
Day 526 Jul 31
Day 527 ** Aug 1
Day 528 *** Aug 2 - (Right) Peak of cycle 44
Day 529 *** Aug 3
Day 530 ** Aug 4
Day 531 * Aug 5
Day 532 Aug 6
Day 533 Aug 7
Day 534 Aug 8
Day 535 Aug 9
Day 536 Aug 10
Day 537 Aug 11
Day 538 Aug 12
Day 539 ** Aug 13
Day 540 *** Aug 14 - (Left) Peak of cycle 45
Day 541 *** Aug 15
Day 542 ** Aug 16
Day 543 * Aug 17
Day 544 Aug 18
Day 545 Aug 19
Day 546 Aug 20
Day 547 Aug 21
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Whats black, blue and green and doesnt like sex?
The Girl Scout locked in my basement.
Whats the worst part about having sex with a six year-old?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
Whats the best thing about getting a hand job from a five year-old?
That little hand makes your thing look really huge.
Guy comes home from work to find his girlfriend sitting on the porch, crying.
Whats wrong, honey?
Im leaving you! I just found out youre a pdophile!
Pdophile? Why, thats a pretty big word for a ten year-old.
How can you tell when your sisters on her period?
When your dads dick tastes like blood!
Two pdophiles are lying on a beach tanning, one turns to the other and says, Excuse me, youre in my son.
What is the sickest sound you hear when fucking a nine year-old?
Her hips snapping!
What is the best sound you hear when fucking a 13 year-old?
Her hips snapping!
Whats 18 inches long, blue, veiny, and makes a woman cry?
Crib death.
How could the mans seven year-old son tell that his dad had fucked his eight year-old sister? His dads weiner tasted like blood!
Watson returns home to find Holmes in bed with a child. He shouts, Is this some sort of a schoolgirl?
Holmes replies, Elementary, my dear Watson.
So I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I decided I wanted to get kinky and try and do her in the ass. So I slipped around back; she looked over her shoulder at me and said, My, how presumptuous of you. I said, Presumptuous? Thats a big word for a ten year-old.
Two guys are walking down the street when a beautiful woman passes. The first guy says, Damn! Id love to tear her clothes off, do her in the rear, smear my fces all over her, slice off her breasts, chop her into little pieces, put her in a garbage bag and toss her into the river!
Second guy says, Yuck! Youre a sick bastard!
First guy says, Whatre you? A fag?
A kindergarten teacher is asking the kids what their father does for a living. All the kids answer except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks Little Johnny what his Dad does and Johnny replies, My dad is dead.
The teacher says, Thats terribile, but what did he do before he died?
Little Johnny replies, He turned blue and shit all over himself!
A guy calls in sick to work.
Whats wrong? asks the boss.
Im sick, the guy replies.
You sound all right.
No, Im really sick. Believe me.
Listen, you were fine yesterday, and we have a lot of work today. I want you in here. You cant be that sick!
Dude, I just banged my sister. Dont tell me Im not sick.
A little girl accompanied her father to the barbershop. While her dad received a haircut, the little girl stood next to the barber chair, enjoying a snack cake. The barber smiled at her and said, Sweetheart, youre going to get hair on your Twinkie.
I know, the little girl replied. Im gonna get tits, too.
An older man and a small boy walk hand in hand through the woods.
Boy: These woods sure are spooky!
Man: You think youre scared, Ive gotta walk out of here alone.
Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One walked on the moon, and the other rapes little boys.
Has anyone read Michael Jacksons new book, The Ins and Outs of Child Rearing?
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
A: I dont cum all over the golden delicious apple before I take a bite out of it.
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I dont kiss my girlfriend after sex.
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a table?
A: You cant fuck a table.
Q: Whats special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
A: You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
Q: What do you have when you have four dead babies, take away two, and add five more?
A: An orgy!
Q: Whats better than three 14 year-olds?
A: 14 three year-olds.
Q: Whats white and bobs up and down in a babys crib?
A: A pdophiles ass.
Q: Whats the safest way to play with a baby?
A: With a condom.
Q: Whats more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
A: Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples.
Q: What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
A: Theyre fun to ride until they die.
Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead babys jaw?
A: Deep throat.
Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
A: Grandmothers dont die when you fuck them in the ass.
Q: Whats the best sound in the world?
A: Hearing dead babys hips crack under pressure!
Q: Whats worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
A: Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?
A: Take your dick out of its mouth.
Q: Whats worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
Whats better than sex with a twelve year-old boy?
Absolutely nothing.
- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow
ZQon4dJPay Post #618
Happy Troll Tuesday!
/etc/fstab file so that it always automounted when plugged in. I was very impressed.
/dev/null, once I find where that actually is.
A Linux user goes back.
By Tony âoekNIGitsâ Collins.
Introduction...
In much of today's online news, we hear of how many people are migrating to GNU/Linux. What we don't seem to hear much of, is users going back to their old operating systems. The reason for this article is to say that I've done just that.
Yes, I've gone back. After three and a half years of trying to make GNU/Linux work on the desktop, I've decided that it's simply too hard for the average home user. Before I go into my reasons for going back, let me outline what I believe an 'average' home user is. Mr Joe Average is someone who wants to install their OS, boot it up, and it works. He wants to be able to upgrade his PC , and have the hardware work in a few short minutes. He wants to read email, browse the web, talk to his mates online, and play some games. Feel free to disagree with me, this is merely how I see myself. Note: I'm not referring to Grandma using Linux, or even my mum using it. I'm referring to average users who know a little about their computer.
Three and a half years; that's how long I've been trying to make Linux work on my desktop computer. Right about now, I'm sure that you are now screaming that I didn't try hard enough, or that I'm just plain stupid. Let me assure you that this is not the case. Stupid users don't doggedly stick at something for three and a half years, trying distribution after distribution in the hope of finding the holy grail of Linux desktops. They give up in less than a few hours of trying to (unsuccessfully) install RedHat Linux. Hear now my sad tale of why Linux isn't suitable for my desktop.
Some background...
The year is 1998. I've had my Windows '95 computer for around six months. Frustrated with the constant crashes, I desperately asked an online mate for help. Even though he was a windows user, he calmly suggested that I try something I'd never come across before...
âoeLinux, eh? Never heard of it.â
âoeOh, it's a free OS that you can download. Apparently it doesn't crash much. Just do an online search for it.â
Armed with this meagre knowledge, I set out on my quest for the ultimate stable operating system. I searched online, and found places where you could even buy copies of Linux! So, I left the comfort of my warm study, and returned forty minutes later with my first Linux boxed set â" RedHat Linux 5.2. After initially balking at the very basic installer (and few false starts), I had it up and running on my lovely AMD K6-233. I even got X working in no time at all. Then the system booted up for the first time.... and it was dead ugly. I had a very stable new OS, but I didn't even want to look at it. I was happy that I had several installed interfaces to choose from, but none of them appealed to me whatsoever. Wanting to download a nicer interface led me to my next problem.
I had absolutely no idea how to even get this nice, stable OS onto the internet! After reinstalling windows and RedHat in a dual-boot configuration, I got the help I needed by using Windows and USENET. Strangely enough, I can still remember the name of the long-suffering person who helped me get RedHat online, but that's another story. After looking around online, I discovered KDE. Only up to version one, it was the closest thing I had to a completely useable Linux system. I downloaded all the KDE packages for RedHat 5.2, only to discover another distro called Mandrake, that came with KDE preinstalled and configured. Back to my local distributor, and I was set.
Mandrake with KDE was exactly what I needed at that stage in my Linux using life, and I stuck with it for over a year and a half. Always seeking the 'perfect' desktop OS, I followed releases from version 5.3 all the way through to 7.0. Eventually I became dissatisfied with Mandrake, and briefly tried a number of other distros until I finally settled on Debian. I was impressed by the simple power, configurability, and the ease of upgrade that is apt-get. I felt good about being among the uber-elite Debian user community. Needless to say, I learned a lot about how to configure hardware under Linux during my time with Debian. I learned to sift through the old HOWTOs on Linux Doc until I found something suitable and accurate, I learned to utilize the power of USENET and IRC. Life was good.
Right now you must be wondering; âoeWhere is this leading? This guy seemed quite happy with Linux!â. True, I was. After a while, I decided I didn't want to have fine-grained control. I wanted something simple. I was getting tired of the 'stable' Debian release being so out of date, and the 'unstable' distribution being so... well... unstable. I got tired of having to recompile my kernel every time I got new hardware. I got tired of using command line to talk to my PC. It was time for a change. I had good experiences years ago with Mandrake, so I figured I'd try it again. As good as Mandrake 8.1 was, it wasn't what I was after. SuSE Linux 8.0 Professional (boxed set) was installed onto my PC instead.
I have to stop at this point, and say that SuSE Linux 8.0 (Pro) is the best Linux distribution that I've ever used. It has an easy installer, reasonable hardware support, and comes with the very good KDE 3.0. The box contains seven CDROMS, one DVD and three decent books that would help even the most inexperienced user get up and going. YaST2 is a decent graphical system configuration tool. When (not if) I go back to Linux, I'll definitely try SuSE again. However, there are quite a number of things that have improve (or change completely) before I'll consider going back. Read on for my brief list of things that must must get better before I'll switch back from the Microsoft camp.
Where GNU/Linux needs to improve...
X11
The X Window System is an awesomely powerful, network transparent graphical subsystem. It's perfectly suited to running applications from remote servers. However, this is NOT what a home user needs. My experience with X is that it's too big, bloated, slow and unstable to be any good to the home user. Most crashes that I ever experienced with Linux have been X's fault. My servers don't run X, and they never crash.
What home users need is something small and fast, so they can run local applications efficiently. I would like to see the X Window System dumped in favour of a hardware accelerated framebuffer, running something like directFB or Qtopia. Home users need a small, fast graphical subsystem, with built in 3d support. BeOS seemed to be on the right track before they went under.
Fonts are truly awful under X. Most distributions ship with appalling fonts, and there is no standard way to add additional (nicer) fonts to the system. Even after extra fonts have eventually been added, many applications (eg Abiword, Staroffice) refuse to use the new fonts anyway. Perhaps the framebuffer-based graphical subsystem I suggested could incorporate decent font support, and use a readable naming scheme as well.
Drivers
While having access to the latest version of the kernel is a good thing for developers, for home users it can be a nightmare. Got RedHat Linux 7.3? Perhaps you run SuSE 7.3 or Debian 2.2. You'll have to download a binary package specific to your distro. (I'm assuming that home users won't change their default kernel, but if they did, that binary package wouldn't even work!) Hardware manufacturers should be able to provide one single driver that works on all minor versions of a major kernel release. This way it would work will all current distros, instead of having to provide multiple binaries or source code. Hardware manufacturers don't want to give out the source, as this often gives away trade secrets about how their hardware is designed.
The solution seems to be to make binary drivers work on a variety of kernel versions. I'm not sure if this is even possible with the way the kernel is designed (I'm no kernel hacker), but it would go a long way toward making Linux more accessible to the home user. Even if the kernel needs to be redesigned to support this, then in my opinion, it should be done. Linux users are always clamouring for drivers... perhaps if the kernel had something like this, it might one day become a reality.
Hardware setup
While SuSE Linux 8.0 gave me some good experiences with hardware detection (such as automatic download of NVIDIA drivers), it also let me down as in this area.
The good: I recently borrowed a digital camera from a mate at work, to take photos of my case mod. Imagine how happy I was when I plugged it into my nearest USB port, and it was automatically configured (as a SCSI device) and mounted! SuSE even added it to my
The bad: Along came my new IDE CDRW drive. At AU$99, I couldn't pass up the purchase. Plugging it in gave me no joy. I was very disappointed that a device so common couldn't be detected and automatically configured under a modern operating system. The instructions on the SuSE support site said to add lines to lilo.conf and reboot. While this is a perfectly acceptable way to get hardware working for a geek familiar with *NIX, I believe that a home user shouldn't have to do more than plug it in. It's an IDE device, it's not that complicated!
The ugly: Once the hardware was finally working (as a pseudo-scsi drive), the next hurdle was to find decent graphical tools to burn and copy CDs. I finally settled on CDBakeOven, an above average KDE application. It burned CDs from data on the hard drive, but for some reason cdrecord (the command line backend) refused to allow me to copy a cd directly. Yes, it was installed SUID root. CD copying is such a basic function nowadays, why is it so hard to do under GNU/Linux?
Software distribution
I'll put this simply. I'm a home user, not a programmer. Why on earth should I have to compile the software I want to use? I know that having the source available is a good thing, but I'll say it again: I'm no programmer. I just want to install software and run it.
This leads to another point. Although having package databases (such as the rpm and deb systems use) is great, there should definitely be seperation between system packages and additionally installed software. There needs to be a standard installer and database for user-installed applications such as word processors, email clients and games, and it should be seperate from the rpm or deb databases used for system software such as lilo, init and cron. This will make it much easier for home users to know what applications they have installed on their PC, and to easily uninstall them if necessary, without knowing some arcane commands and weird package names.
Support
There is a huge wealth of knowledge among the thousands (millions?) of people that run GNU/Linux around the world. If you have a problem, odds are that someone out there can help you, often for free. This is one of the linux platform's greatest strengths. However, Linux users are also its greatest weakness. This may not apply to most of the community, but there is a very vocal minority that gives Linux a bad name. To every Linux user that has ever helped a newbie, I thank you. I have been helped by many a guru, often when I've been asking the simplest of questions. It's the remainder that are a problem.
I once heard a song by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie called Every OS Sucks, where Linux users were described as 'elitist nerdy shmucks'. Sadly this is true for much of the 'community'. Too many consider themselves better than the rest of the world because they run Linux. Can you believe that? It's just a computer operating system, but somehow they think that it makes them better than those people who run systems such as Microsoft Windows! Elitism drives people away, as does saying âoeRTFMâ or belittling people who choose a different distro from yourself.
'Nuff said about that.
So what now?
Well, I decided to go back to a Microsoft platform. Initially being paranoid after reading things about DRM and spyware, I bit the bullet and installed Microsoft Windows XP. Like every OS, it has good and bad points; most of which you can learn about from online reviewers. I'll just point out several things that make me want to keep using it instead of GNU/Linux.
Fast graphical subsystem: Windows has lighting quick graphics, both 2d and 3d. There's no denying it. When I move a window, it refreshes so fast that I don't miss X11 at all. While not quite as nice as some other operating systems, font support is outstanding compared to XFree86.
Drivers: Point and click to install (as a superuser, of course). Windows warns you if the driver isn't likely to work properly, and can roll back to working drivers if you deliberately choose to install one that hoses your system.
Hardware setup: My CDRW worked right away, without a hitch. I am able to drag and drop files from the Explorer file manager to the CDRW icon and they get added to the list of things to burn. A quick install of Nero Burning Rom, and I was able to make a backup copy of my game CDs. (I don't like taking originals to LANs where they can get destroyed or stolen).
Software distribution: All windows software comes in binaries, either with an installer or in a zip file. I hope to never compile an application ever again. Software designed for a different version of windows is 99% guaranteed to run, but if not, there is always 'compatibility mode'. One thing to note, however: Applications designed for single user versions of windows usually only run properly as a superuser, and this includes 3d games. I expect this to be rectified as the rest of the Windows world catches up to a multi-user environment.
I can't comment on the Windows using community yet. I've not yet had a problem that a simple point and click couldn't fix. However, I will say that my original concern with Windows '95 has been addressed in Windows XP. The stability is finally there.
Final Notes
In conclusion, I'd just like to make it known that I haven't completely abandoned the Linux community. My home server still runs Mandrake, and IPCop on my gateway/firewall. There is no way I'd ever put any form of Windows on my server, nor would I ever connect a Windows PC directly to the internet without a *NIX gateway in between. Microsoft has a history of poor security, so I protect myself the only way I know how; using Linux. I will continue to advocate the use of GNU/Linux in the server arena. This is where its strength lies at the moment.
Because of their history of spreading virii, I don't use the applications that Microsoft has provided with Windows XP. My wife and I use Mozilla for web browsing and email, OpenOffice.org for word processing, and Psi (Jabber client) for instant messaging. All of these are true multi-user win32 programs, and are perfectly interoperable with their Linux counterparts.
I expect that the Linux community will have something to say about this article; I welcome comments and constructive criticism. Flames will be automatically sent to the Windows equivalent of
By Tony âoekNIGitsâ Collins
- posted by poopbot: the bot formerly known as pwpbot
Gj1ygOaqeH Post #619
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Either your network or ip address has been banned from this site
due to script flooding that originated from your network or ip address -- or this IP might have been used to post comments designed to break web browser rendering. If you feel that this is unwarranted, feel free to include your IP address (1.2.3.4) in the subject of an email, and we will examine why there is a ban. If you fail to include the IP address (again, in the Subject!), then your message will be deleted and ignored. I mean come on, we're good, we're not psychic.
Since you can't read the FAQ because you're banned, here's the relevant portion:
Why is my IP banned?
 Perhaps you are running some sort of program that loaded thousands of Slashdot Pages. We have limited resources here and are fairly protective of them. We need to make sure that everyone shares. If your IP loads thousands of pages in a day, you will likely be banned. Please note that many proxy servers load large quantities of pages, but we can usually distinguish between proxy servers being used by humans, and IPs running software that is hammering our servers.
 Your IP might have been used to perform some sort of denial of service attack against Slashdot. These range from simple programs that just load a lot of pages, to programs that attempt to coordinate an avalanche of posts in the forums (often through misconfigured "Open Relay" proxy servers).
 You might be using a proxy server that is also being used by another person who did something from the above list. You should have your proxy server administrator contact us.
 Your IP might have been used to post comments designed to break web browser rendering.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 7/02/02
How do I get an IP Unbanned?
Email banned@slashdot.org. Make sure to include the IP in question, and any other pertinent information. If you are connecting through a proxy server, you might need to have your proxy server's admin contact us instead of you.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 3/26/02
- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart
KxdzLdpWD3 Post #620
So, buck up, you reched little people!
LEARN TO SPELL YOU WRETCHED FUCK!!!
Happy Troll Tuesday!
I've been using home computers since the VIC-20 and I've come to dread and fear the possibility of being forced to adopt Linux as a result of Microsoft's heavy-handedness. After being hyped by friends and co-workers about the pleasures of this great and fantastic open-source operating system, I attempted to load Linux, not once but four times on three year old PC that was previously running Win98.
The first time took me about an hour to realize that I had to reformat the hard disk and wipe out years worth of work (after backing it up on CD-R). Then I had to figure that the only way to get the Linux CD to actually start loading was to boot it from the CD by modifying the CMOS settings as the PC was starting up. A simple line suggesting this that could have been printed on the CD would have saved a lot of time!
After loading a whole gigabyte of stuff onto the empty hard drive (do I really need to load 50 megabytes of TeX fonts when I'm just trying to get a demo of Linux????), the entire process halted when the floppy disk drive didn't respond. The Linux loader demanded a working floppy backup of some obscure file be made and since I've never used the floppy drive, I didn't know that it didn't work. The installation process locked up and I had to reboot.
The reboot left me in UNIX hell: a black screen half filled with incomprehensible characters with a single flashing dollar sign as the only indication that the entire PC was still working. No matter what I typed or tried (simple intutitve commands like 'help' 'review' 'exit' 'restore' 'dir' 'What the fuck is happening?') nothing made any intelligent response except for returning me to the flashing dollar sign. Shit! I'm in Dante's seventh circle of hell for misers. I was forced to reformat the hard drive and reinstall Windows in order to confirm that I still had a working PC.
I bought a new floppy drive that I will never use in order to load this wonderful and fantastic operating system. Reformated the hard drive, reset the CMOS, and loaded a whole gig of worthless junk from the penguin CD. Everything loaded and I made all of the selections for keyboard and mouse ect... The system rebooted and got to the point where it should have started to work and simply stopped. No response to mouse, keypress, or anything. I reloaded Windows (it worked perfectly) and decided to load Linux on my new good computer.
I ended up back bashed back in UNIX hell and having to load Windows and ALL of my programs and files from CD backups, which took hours. I convinced that Linux is some kind of really bad joke or else an 'emperor's new clothes' type of mass hallucination. How can anyone with a pretension of being a computer professional seriously believe or claim that this junk is ready to take on Windows?
- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix
qa4VqKFo34 Post #621
Version 1.1.8 (last updated 19th July 2002 by Anonymous Coward)
Note to moderators : Do not moderate this post down, if you do then you support the editors stance on censorship and you support the end of free speech and support evil organisations like Microsoft, RIAA, MPAA and laws like the CBTBA and DMCA
Sign this petition, let your voice be heard!
Slashdot is using censorship! It is trying to eridicate free and open discussion like we know slashdot to be, it has the following RESTRICTIONS in place to Censor you
They claim they don't, but they do, wonder why their are so many trolls, crapflooders and lamers on slashdot, because they are fighting for their rights! Slashdot is trying to silence the trolls. Remove the filters, the trolls get bored, and slashdot will be troll free!
- Lameness filters (It blocks a lot of legitmate posts)
- Unnessary posting delays. Hasnt taco learned to touch type? A lot of posts are typed in less than 20 seconds and it is a ANNOYING DELAY! 2 minute ban? Come on, so some are faster then others, big deal, some people have more to say than others
- Broken moderation system, The whole point is to sort the gems from the crap, yet a lot of posts designed to make a LIVELY DISCUSSION are MODERATED as flamebait! Come on, not everyone likes X, but just because some one bashes it dosent mean its Flamebait. Flame bait is more useful for DIRECT INSULTS and not legitmate discussions.
The "troll" moderation reason is fragmented and broken, why? Because they are trying to use an obsolete usenet term on a realtime discussion, "trolls" can cover a huge blanket of ideas.- Crapfloods, a meaningless flood of random letters or text, which the lameness filter does a crappy job at trying to stop, besides trolls have written tools using the opensource slashcode to generate crapfloods which bypass the filter
- Links to offensive websites, the most common one is known a http://www.goatse.cx, a awful site which shows a bleeding anus being stretched on the front page. Trolls sneak these links in by posting messages that look legitimate, but infact are sneaky redirects to the site. Common examples include rd.yahoo.com, www.linux-kernel.tk, goatsex.cjb.net, and googles "Im feeling lucky".
- Trying to break slashdot, this is actually a good thing, as it helps test slashdot for bugs. Famous examples include the goatse.cx javascript pop-up, the pagewidening post and the browser crashing post!
Subnet banning, this bans a user unless they email jamie macarthy with their mp5ed ipids. This is unfair, and banning a subnet BLOCKS A WHOLE ISP SOMETIMES, and not that individual user! This can cause chaos! But real trolls use annoymous proxys to get around this so THIS JUST BANS LEGITMATE USERS! Also, they are trying to censor some anoymous proxies, mainly from countrys like africa, so this yet more DISCRIMINATION!But, the issue that concerens us the most, is the COMMENT QUOTA. A discrimatory system that stiffles discussion, cripples the community and will ultimateley destroy slashdot unless it is removed! Annoymous cowards are allowed only 10 posts a day! This is unethical! Users with negative karma only get two! That is DISCRIMINATION! How would you like to only be able to speak once a day, just because of the color of your skin. That would be racism, and slashdot is discrimitating on people just because of a negative number in a database! BOYCOTT SLASHDOT! LET THEM DIE!
We wan't these stupid useless restrictions REMOVED! This comment will be posted again and again until it does!
Inportant imformation for users
Boycott slashdot, they are pissing over their community, they are becoming like the RIAA and MICROSOFT! Do NOT TOLERATE THIS SHIT! Here are some real news for nerds sites. We don't need slashdot, slashdot deserves to die!
MSNBC
BBC NEWS
News.com
Linux online
Linux daily news network [linuxdailynews.net]
Weird news from dailyrotten.com
Trollaxor, news for trolls, they are real people too!
CNN.com
New york times (free registration required)
LINUX.com
News forge
K5
Mandrake forum
Toms hardware
The register
Kde dot news
The linux kernel Archives
Adequecy
There are hundreds more, But this is where slashdot STEALS THE MAJORITY OF its "news" from.
Punish them, here are their emails, spam them, flame them goatse them!
Rob malda
Jamie Macarthy
ChrisD
Hemos
Micheal
Pudge
The others ones apperantly dont have an e-mail, probably because ROB MALDA IS PRETENDING HE IS JOHN KATZ.
Thank you for reading this, please feel free to repost this information, please reply to add your comments, fight slashdot and its CENSORSHIP
Don't forget to sign the petition!
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
66RbOPIr3z Post #622
I hope it crashes on Texas, right on top of that GW bastard.
Credits: BankOfAmerica_ATM
SUBJECT: GREAT STOCK OPPORTUNITY!!! help me Get Big Brands on eBay I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! PENTIUM III CPU's IN STOCK
END TRANSMISSION.
- posted by poopbot: crapflooding since 7/8/02
eJTVJi7n3z Post #624
You have no taste.
Flying Saucer Engine headed for Mars ! and beyond
The inventor of the Flying Saucer propellantless propulsion is asking people not to be afraid if they happen to see his Flying Saucer going across the skies in the next years.
He say his IFO " Identified Friendly Object" should not be the target of the military or others.
Nothing more will be said about the technology or any others matters relating according to inventor of 3D Volume Holographic Storage.
http://colossalstorage.net
Have you noticed a change in the scent of your penis lately.
thats if you are lucky enough to be able to:
1) Read
2) See it over your beards
3) See it over your guts
4) Combine comments 2 + 3.
5) Find it by feel (after #4 fails) because your fingers are too fat (unless you have obtained a linux keypad (similar to the NES gamepad that went on the floor)).
oh great, everything's slashdotted AND drudge'd.
hope this one hits M$ HQ with Bill Gates in it and all those assholes in it too.
Happy Troll Tuesday!
OPEN SOURCE MISCONCEPTIONS
By Serial Troller
Myth: Open Source is written by heterosexuals.
Fact: All Open Source development is done by raging homosexuals. The more flaming examples include Anal Cox, Linus Turdballs, Eric Ass-Reaming Raymond, and the entire Slashdot crew. The ringleader of the slashdotters, a man named CmdrTaco, engages in a practice known as Taco-snotting, along with his faggot-buddies Jeff Homos Bates and CowBoiKneel.
Myth: Open Source is written for heterosexuals.
Fact: Using Open Source software can cause suppressed homosexual fantasies to surface, leading to all out flaming faggotry within 6-8 weeks. Anecdotes of otherwise hetero men turning queer are far too numerous to count, but a few examples stand out. In one case, a man was arrested loitering outside an elementary school and making sexual overtures to several children: he quickly confessed that shortly after installing the Mozilla browser on his computer, he began to have uncontrollable urges to, to put it simply, have his cock sucked off by little boys. He soon met several other like-minded men through discussions on the Bugger Zilla mailing list (all already homosexuals), who together kidnapped a total of seven children whom they brought back to their apartment and sodomized. The other two men are still at large and believed to still be using Mozilla.
Myth: Open Source is multicultural.
Fact: Open Source is openly racist.
Myth: Open Source is democratic.
Fact: Open Source is controlled by a few narrow-minded zealots (mentioned throughout this post), most of whom are either Communists, Stalinists, Nazis, or Fascists. Additionally, Open Source supports terrorism.
Myth: Open Source is tolerant of religious preferences.
Fact: Open Source developers regularly engage in holy wars over the superiority of various Open Source projects, such as the Emacs program (preferred by Christians) versus vi (used mostly by neo-pagans and Satanists); or the KDE desktop (a favorite among Muslims) versus the GNOME project (particularly favored by Jews). Posts initiating crusades or jihads against other developers can be found regularly throughout the newsgroups and mailing lists.
Myth: Open Source is tolerant of sexual preference.
Fact: See above. Either you are a homo, you become a homo, or you never visit Richard Stallman alone in his office and hope to God you never meet him on the street at night.
Myth: Open Source is tolerant of political differences.
Fact: Open Source is an anarcho-communist philosophy bent on the destruction of capitalism. The very same Richard Stallman, a man whose name is disturbingly reminiscent of Stalin, has stated several times in public that his vision includes the subjugation of all who own intellectual properties under the jackboot of the GPL. The GPL is a pernicious piece of literature lifted straight from Karl Marxs Communist Manifesto, and is fortunately banned in many democratic nations.
* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *
Myth: Open Source programming is a harlmess, healthy activity.
Fact: Open Source programming has been known to lead to massive obesity, violent tendencies with an obsession with handguns, paranoid-delusional ranting, and in severe cases, complete insanity. If anyone you know is thinking about going Open Source, stop them before its too late!
* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *
____________________
2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.
- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart
eEX6OV63SL Post #625
The End of FreeBSD
[ed. note: in the following text, former FreeBSD developer Mike Smith gives his reasons for abandoning FreeBSD]
When I stood for election to the FreeBSD core team nearly two years ago, many of you will recall that it was after a long series of debates during which I maintained that too much organisation, too many rules and too much formality would be a bad thing for the project.
Today, as I read the latest discussions on the future of the FreeBSD project, I see the same problem; a few new faces and many of the old going over the same tired arguments and suggesting variations on the same worthless schemes. Frankly I'm sick of it.
FreeBSD used to be fun. It used to be about doing things the right way. It used to be something that you could sink your teeth into when the mundane chores of programming for a living got you down. It was something cool and exciting; a way to spend your spare time on an endeavour you loved that was at the same time wholesome and worthwhile.
It's not anymore. It's about bylaws and committees and reports and milestones, telling others what to do and doing what you're told. It's about who can rant the longest or shout the loudest or mislead the most people into a bloc in order to legitimise doing what they think is best. Individuals notwithstanding, the project as a whole has lost track of where it's going, and has instead become obsessed with process and mechanics.
So I'm leaving core. I don't want to feel like I should be "doing something" about a project that has lost interest in having something done for it. I don't have the energy to fight what has clearly become a losing battle; I have a life to live and a job to keep, and I won't achieve any of the goals I personally consider worthwhile if I remain obligated to care for the project.
Discussion
I'm sure that I've offended some people already; I'm sure that by the time I'm done here, I'll have offended more. If you feel a need to play to the crowd in your replies rather than make a sincere effort to address the problems I'm discussing here, please do us the courtesy of playing your politics openly.
From a technical perspective, the project faces a set of challenges that significantly outstrips our ability to deliver. Some of the resources that we need to address these challenges are tied up in the fruitless metadiscussions that have raged since we made the mistake of electing officers. Others have left in disgust, or been driven out by the culture of abuse and distraction that has grown up since then. More may well remain available to recruitment, but while the project is busy infighting our chances for successful outreach are sorely diminished.
There's no simple solution to this. For the project to move forward, one or the other of the warring philosophies must win out; either the project returns to its laid-back roots and gets on with the work, or it transforms into a super-organised engineering project and executes a brilliant plan to deliver what, ultimately, we all know we want.
Whatever path is chosen, whatever balance is struck, the choosing and the striking are the important parts. The current indecision and endless conflict are incompatible with any sort of progress.
Trying to dissect the above is far beyond the scope of any parting shot, no matter how distended. All I can really ask of you all is to let go of the minutiae for a moment and take a look at the big picture. What is the ultimate goal here? How can we get there with as little overhead as possible? How would you like to be treated by your fellow travellers?
Shouts
To the Slashdot "BSD is dying" crowd - big deal. Death is part of the cycle; take a look at your soft, pallid bodies and consider that right this very moment, parts of you are dying. See? It's not so bad.
To the bulk of the FreeBSD committerbase and the developer community at large - keep your eyes on the real goals. It's when you get distracted by the politickers that they sideline you. The tireless work that you perform keeping the system clean and building is what provides the platform for the obsessives and the prima donnas to have their moments in the sun. In the end, we need you all; in order to go forwards we must first avoid going backwards.
To the paranoid conspiracy theorists - yes, I work for Apple too. No, my resignation wasn't on Steve's direct orders, or in any way related to work I'm doing, may do, may not do, or indeed what was in the tea I had at lunchtime today. It's about real problems that the project faces, real problems that the project has brought upon itself. You can't escape them by inventing excuses about outside influence, the problem stems from within.
To the politically obsessed - give it a break, if you can. No, the project isn't a lemonade stand anymore, but it's not a world-spanning corporate juggernaut either and some of the more grandiose visions going around are in need of a solid dose of reality. Keep it simple, stupid.
To the grandstanders, the prima donnas, and anyone that thinks that they can hold the project to ransom for their own agenda - give it a break, if you can. When the current core were elected, we took a conscious stand against vigorous sanctions, and some of you have exploited that. A new core is going to have to decide whether to repeat this mistake or get tough. I hope they learn from our errors.
Future
I started work on FreeBSD because it was fun. If I'm going to continue, it has to be fun again. There are things I still feel obligated to do, and with any luck I'll find the time to meet those obligations.
However I don't feel an obligation to get involved in the political mess the project is in right now. I tried, I burnt out. I don't feel that my efforts were worthwhile. So I won't be standing for election, I won't be shouting from the sidelines, and I probably won't vote in the next round of ballots.
You could say I'm packing up my toys. I'm not going home just yet, but I'm not going to play unless you can work out how to make the project somewhere fun to be again.
= Mike
--
- posted by poopbot: lovely snot! wonderful snot!
Px9V7ZBmgs Post #626
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Credits: anonymous
"Mmmm... this feels good..." I sighed.
"Shhh!" hissed Hemos. "We don't want Mark to come in here!"
True. Having Hemos's 16 year-old brother walk in on us at that moment would not be good. I didn't think he'd be too cool with finding his 12 year-old brother lying naked with me, holding my 11 year-old dick in his hands. But, in all fairness, my hands were eagerly playing with Hemos's dick and balls at that moment, too.
Hemos's mom and dad had gone to the drive-in, leaving his big brother in charge. In our favor, leaving Mark in charge pretty much guaranteed that we weren't to bother him, and in turn, he'd leave us alone unless we were making too much noise or breaking something. Well, we were being careful to keep quiet because we very much wanted to be left alone.
We were in Hemos's twin bed, snuggled under the covers with our underwear pushed down to the foot of the bed. The only illumination in the room came from the faint sliver of light that crept in under his bedroom door. Even in the shadows I could make out the shape of my friend; about my height, but heavier. (Hell, I was such a skinny runt that everyone was heavier than me.) Hemos had a crew-cut of white-blonde hair, and was only starting to sprout some pubic hair. But, you had to feel for it because what little pubic hair he possessed was as blonde as the short hair on his hea and could not yet be seen by even a minimal distance.
And, I was happily feeling for it, running my hands all over Hemos's slightly larger erection and fondling his larger testicles while he courteously stroked my dick. I could tell that he didn't possess the same enthusiasm for cockplay as I did, unless you count his appreciation for the attention devoted to his member. And I knew that my willingness to satisfy his sexual urges was one of the few reasons he even had me sleep over at his place. But, I didn't let that stop me from finding pleasure in the handling of his meat.
I'd recently had an "introduction", of sorts, to seeing what someone could do with a man's dick with their mouth. While spending the night with my Uncle Jerry a couple weeks before, while I watched in secret, I was treated to a visual display of the intensity and unabashed pleasure that my uncle had obviously enjoyed having another man suck on his cock. From that moment on, I had a yearning that I needed to satisfy. With who was my only question.
I guess it was time to find out.
"I... heard that sucking on it feels even better than playing with it." I ventured.
In the darkness, I could feel a slight jerk of revulsion in Hemos's body.
"Put a dick in your mouth?" he croaked.
"Well, " I countered, my heart pounding with anxiety, "I think adults do it all the time."
"Well, I'm not gonna do it!" Hemos hissed. "That's homo stuff!"
"Yeah." I sighed disappointedly, while still playing with Hemos's dick. "I guess it is."
As I stroked his shaft in a steadier, milking rhythm, I could sense Hemos's breaths getting quicker. His manipulations of my dick began to falter as I could feel his body tense beside me. His hips rocked slightly in time with my pumping of his cock, and I cradled his balls tenderly in my other hand. When any attentions to my own dick has completely ebbed, I knew what was about to happen, so I picked up the pace just a bit more while lending a touch more pressure in my grip. Finally, Hemos's breath caught in his throat, and he turned his face fully into his pillow to stifle the moans that broke free as his cock pulsed and throbbed in a dry orgasm within my hands. I continued to massage him and didn't release him from my grasp until his member had gone fully soft.
"Man," sighed Hemos dreamily after finally catching his breath. "You are so good at that, CmdrTaco."
At least I had something to be proud of, I guess, as my friend gently withdrew himself from me and rolled onto his back.
Even though I was only eleven, the irony of Hemos's words and actions were not lost on me. My sucking on him would have been a "homo" thing, but beating him off was okay. Go figure. Within the few moments I had spent mulling over the irony of the thoughts, Hemos had drifted off to sleep. I slipped out from under the covers and down to the cool floor so I could masturbate without shaking the bed. As I toyed with my own dick, I imagined Hemos's cock in my mouth, wondering if the chance would ever really come. Finally, my own climax washed over me, and I got back into the bed.
I don't sleep real well to begin with, and even worse when I'm not in my own bed. And now, with the thoughts of a dick so close to me, as well as the vivid memories of secretly seeing man-to-man cocksucking pleasure floating through my prepubescent, sex-filled brain, I was not about to fall asleep anytime soon. Lying awake until around 11:30, I finally decided that I needed to do something to satisfy my hungers, or I'd never be able to let it rest. The trick was in finding the guts to follow through.
I knew that whenever Hemos fell asleep, he pretty much stayed asleep. So, since he was sleeping soundly, lying on his back, I took a deep breath and gingerly ducked my head under the covers and scooted down as much as I could to the foot of the bed. That put my head right at Hemos's hip level. I raised my head and upper body to help create a tent over his crotch. Sniffing around, I found the faint scent of young penis flesh. I inhaled deeply, both in the love of the scent, and in an attempt to slow my pounding heart. I opened my mouth wide over the area where I sensed Hemos's dick to be, and lowered my mouth squarely over his soft cock and balls until I could feel his sparse pubic hairs tickling my cheek. I finally had a dick in my mouth! I just wasn't sure what I'd do if Hemos woke to find his "homo" friend in this situation.
I remained like that for a long moment, partially in fear of trying anything more, and partly to savor the moment. I carefully let my tongue start to explore his tender penile flesh, enjoying the texture. Then came the excitement that welled within me as his cock began to respond to my attentions and harden in my warm and wet mouth! Butterflies seemed to explode in my stomach and drown out my heartbeat as I felt his dick get to its full size in my mouth. Concentrating in that dark environment, I found myself beginning to identify the shape of his member by taste. The shaft actually seemed to taste different than the head, and the thin skin of his scrotum seemed to harbor another distinct flavor.
I started to softly suck on Hemos's dick, becoming fascinated at how it just seemed to, well, 'fit' in my mouth... how the head lent itself to the back of my tongue, and how the shaft rested between my tongue and the roof of my mouth. My excitement was so great that my own recently satisfied dick was responding again, inviting me to play. I was sucking a cock, and I was in heaven!
However, within seconds, Hemos seemed to get restless. In fear, I quickly pulled my mouth away from Hemos's candy stick and held still. The covers rustled, and pulled back.
"Whatcha doin'?" mumbled Hemos.
"I... uh... was trying to find my shorts down here," I lied, starting to fumble near our feet. Well, partial lie, because it was a good idea to do so, anyway, and now was as good a time as any.
"Oh, yeah," said Hemos. "Get mine, too, willya?"
"S-sure" I stammered, relieved.
I located the two items of clothing and scooted back up towards the head of the bed. Thankfully, our underwear were pretty easy to distinguish since Hemos wore boxers, and I wore briefs. We both fumbled to put them on in the dark, and then settled back into the bed. I lay stiffly on my back, still harboring some fear that my friend discovered more than he let on, but Hemos simply rolled onto his side, facing away from me, and promptly went back to sleep.
And, here I was again, so close to my fantasies, yet still so far.
And very much awake.
After hearing the clock in the hallway chime midnight, I finally got up to go to the bathroom. Figuring it was late enough not to be an issue, and since even if Hemos's parents were home that they would be in their own bedroom downstairs, I didn't bother to slip on my pants for the short trip down the hall. I walked softly to the bedroom door, and then stepped out into the hallway, illuminated dimly by a bare-bulb night light. I walked past big brother Mark's door to the bathroom at the end of the hall and turned on the light as I shut the door.
Peeing into the toilet, I looked up at my reflection in the large mirror and smiled slyly to myself. I actually sucked on a dick, even if for only a moment! At that moment I was Rob Maldo, secret agent double-O-seven, who could sneak in and suck a dick, and sneak away without being caught!
I flushed the toilet and switched out the light as I headed back down the hall. Slipping past Mark's door once again, the door flew open, and a hand covered my mouth while a muscular arm snapped around my waist and drew me into the room. Squirming in the arms of Hemos's athletic older brother was a waste of effort, and he only squeezed harder until I settled down.
"You'll keep quiet if you know what's good for you,' growled Mark into my ear. "You gonna be quiet?"
I nodded. Mark let go of my mouth and reached over to close his bedroom door, the other hand and arm still holding me firmly with my feet off the ground. I heard something click, and recalled, and not without a certain amount of childish fear, that Mark had a lock on his door.
The room had a yellowish glow from the large lava lamp next to Mark's bed. He took me over to the bed and tossed me face down onto it, kneeling next to me. I thought briefly about trying to get up and run, but to where?
When I felt Mark's hands on me again, I was determined to fight him off, but I was no match for him as he flipped me onto my back and straddled me, sitting squarely on my upper chest, his knees pinning my shoulders and my arms locked between his legs. I gazed up at his lean, muscled torso, his stern blue eyes under a tussled mane of reddish-blonde hair. I could feel the soft fabric of his boxers against my chin.
"Can't get up, can ya?" he said, grinning down at me, all snide and victorious.
I struggled a bit, more out of obligation, but knew it was no use. Mark was just too big for me.
"Whatsamatter?" huffed Mark. "You too weak to fight? Or, maybe you just like laying there, sniffing dicks?"
I started squirming a bit harder, but Mark's legs only clamped tighter. At least he had scooted down a bit, and was no longer suffocating me with his weight on my chest.
"Yeah! Maybe you're a homo-boy who just likes sniffing dicks. Maybe you wanna sniff my big dick?"
I didn't care for where this was going, and I wasn't too comfortable with the tone of Mark's voice. But, I was also not being given much of a choice in the matter. Especially when Mark reached into the fly of his boxers and pulled out his cock.
"Here you are, homo-boy... a nice, fresh big-man dick!" grinned Mark fiendishly. "Ain't it a beaut?"
He held it out for me, then leaned forward and started to rub his cock on my face, tracing my cheeks and nose with the bulbous head. His testicles soon followed his dick through the opening, until they were dangling on my chin, the coarse pubes tickling my lips. Their faint musky scent began to fill my nostrils.
"CmdrTaco's just a little dick-faced homo-boy, ain't he?" sneered Mark, sliding his cock across my face. "I saw you in there, your head under the covers. What were you doing? Giving my little brother a blow job?"
I didn't answer. I was at once shocked at the thought of having been discovered, and confused by Mark's remark. I then guessed that he meant sucking a dick was called a 'blow job'. But... you're not blowing, you're sucking, and-
"You were, weren't you, you little homo!"
It was obvious what had happened; that Mark had looked in on us to find my head under the blankets. I thought I had sensed a miniscule change in the light, but assumed that to be part of my excitement. That must have been what woke Hemos up so suddenly.
"So, maybe you aren't just dick-faced, " he said, rubbing his cock on my face again. "Maybe you're a dick sucker!" He leaned forward, mashing his hairy ball sack into my nose, then pulling back to trace my features again with his member. But, even as Mark taunted me, treating his cock as a threatening weapon, there was something else happening.
He was getting a boner.
And as I closed my eyes, I could feel his cock thickening against my face. I could sense the heat of his hardening dick directly on my flesh. And, I found I was enjoying the sensations of this older cock against my face. There would soon be no way of hiding the fact that I was getting excited, too.
"So, dick-sucker-CmdrTaco... you're gonna suck my dick, now."
My eyes sprung open to see Mark's fully erect cock pointing at my face. While it wasn't huge (I had already seen 'huge' with my Uncle Jerry), it was still big enough to scare me.
And excite me to no end.
"Open wide, homo-boy."
Without another moment of hesitation, or taking my eyes off of Mark's sleek tool, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and watched as he leaned down and slid that beautiful cock into my waiting mouth. I then settled my tongue against the bottom half of his shaft while I could feel the upper half press against the roof of my mouth. Its texture was soft, yet hard; smooth, yet distinct.
"There," he sighed. "Now, you have a real dick to suck on. Now, get started, suck-boy!"
It was so much bigger than Hemos's young dick, I wasn't sure if I could get enough suction worked up to suck on it. It was then that I found out what sucking a cock is really all about: friction.
Mark held the base of his dick to guide himself and started to pump into my mouth, sliding his dick in and out of my salivating lips. He would slip in precariously between my teeth until he was near to choke me, then pull back out until the base of the bulbous head was just close to popping free from my lips, held in place by the suction of my mouth. Then he... we... would do it all over again... over and over... and gloriously over again.
"Oh, you are good, CmdrTaco," he moaned softly. "You suck cock real good."
I don't know about that; it seemed he was doing all the real work. But, I wanted it to be good. I wanted to have this dick in my mouth. And I wanted it again and again. I was definitely enjoying the oral sensations as his near-adult dick worked back and forth in my hungry mouth, and I wanted so much to please him so he would want my mouth again.
Mark placed his other hand on the top of my head to steady me as his thrusts became a little more erratic. His breath quickened, and I could sense that he was trying hard not to ram himself all the way down my throat and choke me. He was making little grunts with each thrust, and I could feel his dick turn to stone in my mouth when, in a mix of fear and excitement, I suddenly recalled what would happen next.
"Oh, baby... oh, fuck..."
Mark's movements got all quick and jerky. I was almost afraid to breathe.
"OHHHH!!!" he moaned, pulling out of my mouth and letting loose with a burst of white goo that seemed to splatter all over as he pumped his dick with his fist. My head still held firmly in his other hand, the warm liquid flew partly into my still open mouth, and all over my nose and eyebrows. I swallowed briefly, not sure whether to gag or hope for more, tasting fully the salty and musky liquid, then opened my mouth once more as Mark stuck his creaming cock back in and worked the thick fluid throughout my young mouth.
I sucked until Mark went soft and withdrew his spent dick. He smiled down at me, obviously proud of what he had done. He finally got off of me (good thing since I thought my arms were going to fall off) and stood there for a moment, an interesting picture with his hands on his hips, and his drained cock and balls hanging out of the fly of his plaid boxers. I just lay there with his juices clinging to my skin, wanting to do it all over again.
Mark bent down and picked up a t-shirt, and proceeded to wipe the remainder of his goo off my face. Finished with that, he tossed the shirt into a hamper and walked over to his bedroom door to unlock it as he tucked his manhood back into his underwear.
"You better get back into Hemos's bed before mom and dad find you here," he said softly.
I reluctantly got off Mark's bed and walked to the door. As I was about to exit, he reached out to stop me briefly.
"You liked that, didn't you, homo-boy?"
I nodded, not sure where he was going with this inquiry.
"Your first taste of cum?"
I shrugged, then nodded again.
"If you're good, maybe I'll let you suck my dick again some time, CmdrTaco. Now, get your ass out of here before I kick it."
I stepped out of the room and felt the door close harshly behind me. I could still taste traces of Mark's cum in my mouth, could still sense the friction of his cock on my tongue. I smiled in remembrance.
I was hooked.
- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix
Oz7CigORt5 Post #627
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered trolling community when recently Slashdot confirmed that, after several changes were made to production Slashcode, wide posts account for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all Slashdot posts. Coming on the heels of the latest verions of IE which make page-widening more difficult, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. the wide posts that we love are collapsing into the narrow posts that we are used to, as further exemplified by the lack of Slashbots complaining about difficulty reading Slashdot's articles.
You don't need to be a Klerck to predict PWP's future. The hand writing is on the wall: PWP faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for PWP because PWP is dying. Things are looking very bad for PWP. As many of us are already aware, PWP continues to be defeated by users with thresholds of 1 or higher. Mod points flow like a river of blood. Klerck's PWP-bot posts are the most endangered of them all, having been filtered early on because of their uniformity.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
PWP leader Klerck states that there are 7 wide posts in the average Slashdot article. How many non-wide crapflood posts are there? Let's see. The number of crapflood versus wide posts on Slahdot is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7*5 = 35 non-wide crapflood posts in every Slashdot article. Tacosnotting posts on Slashdot are about half of the volume of crapflood posts. Therefore there are about 17 tacosnotting posts per article. A recent article put Goatse.cx trolls at about 80 percent of total troll posts. Therefore there are a hell of a lot of homosexual trolls. This is consistent with the number of Goatse.cx Slashdot posts.
But Slashdot is only part of the picture. Due to the troubles at Slashdot, negative revenue and so on, the site will soon go out of business and many users will flock to alternative weblogs, where PWP is almost completely unknown. Trollaxor.com, the popular troll hangout, is also dying, its corpse sodomized in yet another Greek bath house.
All major surveys show that PWP has steadily declined in the scope of all troll posts. PWP is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If PWP is to survive at all it will be among Blog faggot using outdated versions of Slashcode. PWP continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, PWP is dead.
- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow
QKIWhALkXJ Post #628
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Credits: on by
Trolling your way on the web today
Takes everything you've got;
Having a Bot to post your comments
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to join the frey?
Sometimes you want to go
And get a First Post in your name,
So much goatse that you came;
We know it's hard to get Eff Pee,
Our troubles are all the same;
Get that FP and everyone'll know your name.
- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart
X3wJQlJASG Post #629
Happy Troll Tuesday!
USian Pie
A long, long time ago I can still remember How the trollers used to make me smile And I knew if I had to boast That I could try to get first post And maybe I'd be happy for a while But moderators made me shiver With every minus they'd deliver DoS scripts couldn't stop it They scored them all "Offtopic" I know that it's cheap crack they smoke And meta-moderation's broke At first I thought it was a joke The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
Bye, bye, MEEPTy, OOG, and Grits guy Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a *sigh*
Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie Wonder what became of girls petrified? What became of girls petrified?
--
Did you write a bunch of Perl? And did it make you want to hurl Feces at the Wall? Can you believe these lame-ass polls? Do you post big stretched-out assholes? Can you make the goatse.cx link not show? Well I know you think that Siggy sucked Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up? The bots don't have a clue. Man, I dig those trolls from Shoe! I was a rabid Free Speech advocate With a Red Hat T-shirt and a Free Beer gut
Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
It's been two years since the IPO And LNUX sinks to all-time lows But that's not how it used to be When Spiral showed how it was done Trolling as Jon Erikson Who worked for NPO Technologies Oh and while they tried to filter posts Somebody rooted Slashdot's host "Crack Slashdot? That's absurd!" Better go change your password While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book By using posts he simply took And we flamed him till he was cooked The day that trolltalk died And we were singin....
-- Chorus --
10 grams. Inchfan. Didn't log out. Goddamn The mods will find the sid real soon, man
You can't hide if you aren't AC Your bud (George here) tried BSD A dead Streetlawyer's tips were free And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi 70 made his percents up While 80md warned "liberals suck" The moon does not exist It's just a liberal myth Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap We forced him to invoke bitchslaps Do you recall the flood of crap The day that trolltalk died? We started singin....
-- Chorus --
Oh and then we were wearing out "All your base" And started posting monospace
The better for our penis birds So come on, be a zealot, be a dick You don't think Anne Marie's a chick? Because lying's all we do about HURD So go and push for BSD And say GPL isn't free Slow down, cowboy! The limit Is one post every minute Now tell the right wing facist slime Infringing on Your Rights Online That they can't censor all the time The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
I met a troll they called The Rev And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD He said, "That's old. Get over it." And with all the courage I could muster "Imagine what a Beowulf cluster...." But it wasn't worth the trouble to submit The karma caps are just plain jive And everyone's moved to K5 The steelcage has grown rusted And Geekizoid is busted
The three sites I don't see for weeks Segfault, kernel, Comp-u-geek Code is not art. This ain't Freshmeat The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart
hrQ3spWJuM Post #630
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Credits: Big Dogs Cock
Trolling in the name of
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
Trolling in the name of
And now you run what they told you
And now you run what they told you
And now you run what they told you
95 is justified for running the games that you didn't buy
95 is justified for running the games that you didn't buy
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
And you run what they told you
Now your under control
And you run what they told you
Now your under control
And you run what they told you
Come on!
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Motherfucker
- posted by poopbot: crapflooding since 7/8/02
kbtfsFGuym Post #631
It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality,' which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophilia.
What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:
I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.
Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail, which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'
As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted on leftist commie propaganda site Salon.com as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.
And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homo slut!
Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children. To quote from the article linked:
'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'
Is this why you were touching your penis in the cinema, Jon? And letting the other boys touch it too?
We should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as 'Slashdot's resident Gasbag.' Is there any more doubt? For those fortunate few who aren't aware of the list of homosexual terminology found inside the Linux 'Sauce Code,' a 'Gasbag' is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra (or to use the common parlance, 'piss-pipe'), then his homosexual lover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum. This is, of course, when he's not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agenda.
Sick, disgusting antichristian perverts, the lot of them.
In addition, many of the Linux distributions (a 'distribution' is the most common way to spread the faggots' wares) are run by faggot groups. The Slackware distro is named after the 'Slack-wear' fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes. Furthermore, Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse, a reference to the homosexual practise of anal fisting. The Mandrake product is run by a group of French faggot satanists, and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator. It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked, which is what they do.
Another 'distro,' (abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like 'Disco,' which is where homosexuals preyed on young boys in the 1970s), is Debian, an anagram of in a bed, which could be considered innocent enough (after all, a bed is both where we sleep and pray), until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares. 'Woody' is obvious enough, being a term for the erect male penis, glistening with pre-cum. But far sicker is the phrase 'Frozen Potato' that they use. This filthy term, again found in the secret homosexual 'Sauce Code,' refers to the solo homosexual practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag, shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus, then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid. The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen 'potato' up his own rectum, squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasm.
And Red Hat is secret homo slang for the tip of a penis that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpiece.
The fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry! For example, the 'supermount' tool was devised to allow deeper penetration, which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland. 'Automount' is used, on the other hand, because Linux users are all fat and gay, and need to mount each other automatically.
The depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of 'mount points.' These are, plainly speaking, the different points of penetration. The main one is obviously
More evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love `man`, even going so far as to say that all new Linux users (who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda) should try out `man`. In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a man.
Other areas of the system also show Linux's inherit gayness. For example, people are often told of the 'FAQ,' but how many innocent heterosexual Windows users know what this actually means. The answer is shocking: Faggot Anal Quest: the voyage of discovery for newly converted fags!
Even the title 'Slashdot' originally referred to a homosexual practice. Slashdot of course refers to the popular gay practice of blood-letting. The Slashbots, of course are those super-zealous homosexuals who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses, as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users, the depraved work of Satan, http://www.eff.org/.
The editors of Slashdot also have homosexual names: 'Hemos' is obvious in itself, being one vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Commander Taco' which sounds a bit like 'Commode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement. (The best form of lubrication, they insist.) Sometimes, these 'Taco Commodes' have special 'Salsa Sauce' (blood from a ruptured rectum) and 'Cheese' (rancid flakes of penis discharge) toppings. And to make it even worse, Slashdot runs on Apache!
The Apache server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homosexual activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the Village People, featured an Apache Indian, and it is for him that this gay program is named.
And that's not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world -- patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fisting.
To summarise: Linux is gay. 'Slash -- Dot' is the graphical description of the space between a young boy's scrotum and anus. And BeOS is for hermaphrodites and disabled 'stumpers.'
FEEDBACK
Well, the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux 'Sauce code' once. Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer (and haven't you always been worried about the phrase 'Monolithic Kernel'?), this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race, as well as a few of the major animal species. It has shocked and disturbed me, to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homo-calypse which threatens to engulf our planet.
Doesn't it give you a hard-on to imagine your thick strong poker ramming it's way up my most sacred of sphincters? You're beyond help, my friend, as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man. Are you sure you're not Eric Raymond? The government, being populated by limp-wristed liberals, could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual child molesting Linux advocacy. Hell, they've given NAMBLA free reign for years!
Thank you for your kind words of support. However, this document shall only ever be posted anonymously. This is because the 'Open Sauce' movement is a sham, proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom. I speak for the common man. For any man who prefers the warm, enveloping velvet folds of a woman's vagina to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child. These men, being common, decent folk, don't have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture. I am the unknown liberator.
We shouldn't hate them, we should pity them for the misguided fools they are... Fanatical Linux zeal-outs need to be herded into camps for re-education and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society. This re-education shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism.
Well, it just goes to show that even the holy Linux 'sauce code' is riddled with bugs that need fixing. (The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me.) The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this, with their queer slogan: 'Given enough arms, all rectums are shallow.' And anyway, the PS2 sucks major cock and isn't worth the money. Intellivision forever!
For one thing, whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing, NT is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film, enjoying the restriction enforced onto them. Remember, a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church. Clearly, the only god-fearing Christian operating system in existence is CP/M -- The Christian Program Monitor. All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems. It is the only route to salvation.
Secondly, this message is for every man. Computers know no colour. Not only that, but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man . Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher.
Although there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a woman's breasts, squirting one's load up towards her neck and chin area, it should be noted that Perl (standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally) is also close to 'Pearl Monocle,' 'Pearl Nosering,' and the ubiquitous 'Pearl Enema.'
One scary thing about Perl is that it contains hidden homosexual messages. Take the following code: LWP::Simple -- It looks innocuous enough, doesn't it? But look at the line closely: There are two colons next to each other! As Larry 'Balls to the' Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation, Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate it's programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts -- having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of 'colon kissing,' whereby two homosexual queers spread their buttocks wide, pressing their filthy torn sphincters together. They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone. This is also referred to in programming 'circles' as 'Parameter Passing.'
And PHP stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration. Didn't you know?
Well, I don't know about terraforming Mars, but I do know that homosexual Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years.
*sniff* That brings a tear to my eye. Thank you once more for your kind support. I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lord's work, but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man here.
However, I should be cautious about revealing your name 'Cerberus' on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot. It is a well known fact that the 'Kerberos' documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing, in intimate, exacting detail, how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals; be they domesticated, wild, or mythical. Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide, treating it as an 'extension' to the Linux 'Sauce Code,' for the sake of 'interoperability.' (The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse -- their favourite kind.)
In fact, sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties, (Love of Anal Naughtiness, needless to say.), wherein they entice a stray dog, known as the 'Samba Mount,' into their homes. Up to four of these filth-sodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect, throbbing, uncircumcised members, conkers-deep, into the rectum, mouth, and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal. Eventually, the 'Samba Mount' collapses due to 'overload,' and needs to be 'rebooted.' (i.e., kicked out into the street, and left to fend for itself.) Many Linux users boast about their 'uptime' in such situations.
If only indeed. You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible. I recommend '+1, Underrated,' as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation. Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture. Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened 'Bender'???
If we can get just one of these postings up to at least '+1,' then it will be archived forever! Others will learn of our struggle, and join with us in our battle for freedom!
I am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity that is Linux, in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow. It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.
I could make an arrogant, childish comment along the lines of 'Every time someone asks for 2.0, I won't release it for another 24 hours,' but the truth of the matter is that I'm quite nervous of releasing a 'number two,' as I can guarantee some filthy shit-slurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before I've even had chance to wipe.
I sincerely hope you're Natalie Portman.
What the fuck?
Well bugger me!
Fuck right off!
IMPORTANT: This message needs to be heard (Not HURD, which is an acronym for 'Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator') across the whole community, so it has been released into the Public Domain. You know, that licence that we all had before those homoerotic crypto-fascists came out with the GPL (Gay Penetration License) that is no more than an excuse to see who's got the biggest feces-encrusted cock. I would have put this up on Freshmeat, but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boy.
Come to think of it, the whole concept of 'Source Control' unnerves me, because it sounds a bit like 'Sauce Control,' which is a description of the homosexual practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation, thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receiver's scrotum. And 'Open Sauce' is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later. Obviously, 'Closed Sauce' is the only Christian thing to do, as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about.
Contributors: (although not to the eternal game of 'soggy biscuit' that open 'sauce' development has become) Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, phee, Anonymous Coward, mighty jebus, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, double_h, Anonymous Coward, Eimernase, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward. Further contributions are welcome.
Current changes: This version sent to FreeWIPO by 'Bring BackATV' as plain text. Reformatted everything, added all links back in (that we could match from the previous version), many new ones (Slashbot bait links). Even more spelling fixed. Who wrote this thing, CmdrTaco himself?
Previous changes: Yet more changes added. Spelling fixed. Feedback added. Explanation of 'distro' system. 'Mount Point' syntax described. More filth regarding `man` and Slashdot. Yet more fucking spelling fixed. 'Fetchmail' uncovered further. More Slashbot baiting. Apache exposed. Distribution licence at foot of document.
- posted by poopbot: who doesn't like scat?
mME6rWehuy Post #633
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Introduction
A fairy gives lectures on morality to the feline anomaly. Furthermore, another photon near an abstraction takes a coffee break, and a mortician buries a blithe spirit. The wedding dress secretly admires a college-educated ball bearing. If the freight train figures out a fire hydrant near a pit viper, then some mating ritual beyond another cowboy reads a magazine. Any squid can find lice on a freight train, but it takes a real recliner to ostensibly plan an escape from another pit viper defined by a prime minister a cough syrup toward a graduated cylinder.
Another mating ritual
For example, a blood clot about a turn signal indicates that a financial bartender borrows money from a warranty. When a demon is imaginative, a paper napkin secretly admires an often snooty graduated cylinder. If the grain of sand learns a hard lesson from the short order cook behind some graduated cylinder, then another blithe spirit flies into a rage. Any pig pen can lazily require assistance from a burly plaintiff, but it takes a real fighter pilot to caricature the steam engine over a satellite. Another eagerly temporal minivan slyly buries the obsequious squid, or a briar patch usually gives lectures on morality to a cyprus mulch.
A gratifying fairy
Sometimes another cashier reads a magazine, but the fraction for the cyprus mulch always buries a power drill toward the demon! The light bulb befriends a satellite of an apartment building. A lazily Alaskan roller coaster sanitizes another mitochondrial traffic light, or some burglar eats a hesitantly smelly plaintiff. For example, a seldom righteous traffic light indicates that an ocean knows some chestnut inside the tabloid. If the earring somewhat finds subtle faults with a pine cone, then the wheelbarrow hibernates.
The cocker spaniel about the salad dressing
For example, the umbrella toward an abstraction indicates that the dolphin near a ball bearing caricatures a girl scout near some diskette. A cocker spaniel for the judge reads a magazine, and a pine cone finds subtle faults with a rattlesnake. Furthermore, the hairy movie theater returns home, and a grizzly bear near a paycheck is a big fan of a childlike burglar. For example, a canyon living with a graduated cylinder indicates that the industrial complex buries a jersey cow.
Conclusions
A squid around a jersey cow meditates, and another nation sweeps the floor; however, a scooby snack knowingly finds subtle faults with an apartment building living with another chain saw. When a hockey player around a paycheck is smelly, a minivan has a change of heart about an oil filter about an asteroid. The bartender around a polygon is barely soggy. Indeed, another rattlesnake befriends a warranty. Indeed, the carpet tack for an abstraction usually caricatures an elusive h
- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart
ZTCRKBP8Bo Post #634
Happy Troll Tuesday!
Introduction
The cheese wheel inexorably avoids contact with the paycheck. The steam engine goes deep sea fishing with an often outer ski lodge. When the cyprus mulch over a vacuum cleaner hides, a ball bearing gets stinking drunk.
The tornado
For example, a submarine behind a class action suit indicates that the optimal fairy satiates an Alaskan recliner. When a mitochondrial bottle of beer is thoroughly dirt-encrusted, a most difficult blood clot underhandedly writes a love letter to a defendant. An earring pees on the cashier over some globule, but the pathetic crane sells another vacuum cleaner behind a scythe to a false wheelbarrow. If a chess board defined by a grain of sand makes love to a crispy cyprus mulch, then a particle accelerator flies into a rage.
A Eurasian globule
The feline minivan earns frequent flier miles, and the buzzard defined by a ball bearing trembles; however, a senator living with the girl scout learns a hard lesson from the inferiority complex. Any chain saw can try to seduce the particle accelerator, but it takes a real salad dressing to play pinochle with the inexorably precise paycheck. Furthermore, another seldom load bearing defendant flies into a rage, and a paycheck around a light bulb seeks a roller coaster around another bartender. If a crank case makes love to the diskette, then the squid toward a mortician meditates. Now and then, an insurance agent thoroughly avoids contact with a pompous turkey.
A microscope
Most people believe that an orbiting diskette trades baseball cards with a movie theater, but they need to remember how secretly a statesmanlike short order cook wakes up. A paternal roller coaster is usually financial. When the accurately varigated hole puncher takes a coffee break, a slyly smelly garbage can earns frequent flier miles. For example, the phony cheese wheel indicates that the tornado near a fruit cake hesitantly gives lectures on morality to a salad dressing defined by the corporation. The carpet tack near a cargo bay, some parking lot toward a warranty, and a stovepipe beyond a freight train are what made America great!
Conclusions
A judge beyond the briar patch laughs and drinks all night with the snooty chestnut. A raspy burglar conquers a bowling ball. For example, another plaintiff toward a bartender indicates that the ski lodge behind a fairy finds lice on a burglar. If some rattlesnake toward a cheese wheel can be kind to a blood clot, then the elusive movie theater self-flagellates. When a photon related to a turkey is most difficult, a self-loathing bottle of beer falls in love with a pickup truck living with the paycheck.
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
GbTOZBXCFm Post #635
"I've heard WinXP removed the cmd/command prompt."
No, Microsoft didn't remove the CMD.EXE or COMMAND.COM prompt from Windows XP. But Windows XP has reduced functionality, in many ways, not just in the command line. The command line is a big embarrassment because of its limited capabilities, but at least in Win 95 it worked. With every version since then it has worked less well. (There are two kinds of command prompt, and, according to Microsoft employees, the differences between them are not documented.)
The command line prompt sometimes begins to display short file names. Microsoft employees say that Microsoft has no fix, although someone not connected with Microsoft did make a work-around.
Cutting and pasting into a command line program often puts successive extra spaces before each line. Microsoft employees say that there is no plan to fix this.
The fast paste mode that is in Windows 98 is gone in Windows XP. Microsoft employees say there is no plan to fix this.
When using the command line interface, Windows XP doesn't always update the time. After several hours, the time reported to command line programs can be several hours in error.
There is a DOS program called START.EXE that can be used to start other programs. But it does operate the same way as in other versions of Windows. It starts a program, but cannot be made to return control to the command line program as previous versions did. There is no technical reason for this; it is just one of the shortcomings that are allowed to exist.
People often say that DOS has gone away. But Microsoft still calls the command line interface DOS, and in Windows XP Microsoft has added new programs for configuring the OS that work only under DOS.
Sometimes when you press a key while using Windows XP, it is seconds until there is any response. Apparently there is something wrong with the CPU scheduler in XP, because there are a lot of complaints about this in the forums and MS people have said that they are working on it. On one particular fresh installation of XP, on an Intel motherboard with either a Matrox G550 or an ATI Radeon video adapter, it requires 18 seconds to display a directory listing of 94 items. This is apparently related to a bug in the video software, not the adapter drivers.
Something is wrong with the Alt-Tab display of running programs under Windows XP. If there are a lot of programs, not all of them are displayed. The order jumps around in a seemingly random way.
Although articles often say negative things about Microsoft, I've never seen an article that fully documents how bad the situation really is. Microsoft's management is so bad that the company has become self-destructive. For example, Windows XP is spyware. Here is a list of ways Windows XP connects to Microsoft's servers:
- Application Layer Gateway Service (Requires server rights.)
- Fax Service
- File Signature Verification
- Generic Host Process for Win32 Services (Requires server rights.)
- Microsoft Application Error Reporting
- Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer
- Microsoft Direct Play Voice Test
- Microsoft Help and Support Center
- Microsoft Help Center Hosting Server (Wants server rights.)
- Microsoft Management Console
- Microsoft Media Player (tells Microsoft the music you like)
- Microsoft Network Availability Test
- Microsoft Volume Shadow Copy Service
- MS DTC Console program
- Run DLL as an app
- Services and Controller app
- Time Service, sets the time on your computer from Microsoft's computer.
- Microsoft Office keeps a number in each file you create that identifies
your computer. Microsoft has never said why.
- Microsoft mouse software has reduced functionality until you let it connect
to Microsoft computers.
These are just the ones I know. There may be others.So, if you use Windows XP, your computer is dependent on Microsoft computers. That's bad, not only because you lose control over your possession, but because Microsoft produces buggy software and doesn't patch bugs quickly. For example, as of July 7, 2002, there are 18 unpatched security holes in Microsoft Internet Explorer. This is a terrible record for a company that has $40 billion in the bank. Obviously, with that kind of money, Microsoft could fix the bugs if it wanted to fix them. Since the bugs are very public and Microsoft has the money, it seems reasonable to suppose that top management at Microsoft has deliberately decided that the bugs should remain, at least for now.
It seems possible that there is a connection between all the bugs and the U.S. government's friendly treatment of Microsoft's law-breaking. The U.S. government's CIA and FBI and NSA departments spy on the entire world, and unpatched vulnerabilities in Microsoft software help spies.
Windows XP, and all current Windows operating systems, have a file called the registry in which configuration information is written. If this one (large, often fragmented) file becomes corrupted, the only way of recovering may be to re-format the hard drive, re-install the operating system, and then re-install and re-configure all the applications. The registry file is a single, very vulnerable, point of failure. Microsoft apparently designed it this way to provide copy protection. Since most entries in the registry are poorly documented or not documented, the registry effectively prevents control by the user.
Note that Microsoft does not support making functional complete backups under Windows XP. Look at Microsoft's policy about this: Q314828 Microsoft Policy on Disk Duplication of Windows XP Installation. Only those who work with Microsoft software will understand the true meaning of Microsoft's policy. Since almost all programs use the registry operating system file, if you cannot make a functional copy of the operating system you cannot make a functional copy of all your application installations and configurations. There are other software companies that try to fix this, but they don't work well, and Microsoft can, of course, break their implementations, as they have often done with other kinds of competitors.
Because the configuration information for the motherboard and the configuration information for the are mixed together in the registry file, the registry tends to prevent you from moving a hard drive to a computer with a different motherboard. That's another implication of the above Microsoft policy. So, if you have a motherboard failure, and a good complete backup, you may not be able to recover unless you have a spare computer with the same motherboard.
Note that Windows XP Professional can support only ten simultaneous incoming network connections. If you want more than that, you must use Windows 2000 server, and pay much, much more. (There is no Windows XP server yet.) Many businesses have very light network traffic; they just move files from staff member to staff member; they really don't need a dedicated server computer. The staff computers could easily handle the load except for this artificial limitation.
Apparently because the Windows XP GUI comes from Windows 98, Windows XP has the same problem with desktop icons that Windows 98 has. The icons sometimes flicker. Sometimes they move themselves around, particularly after the user switches monitor resolutions. Also, sometimes the taskbar settings un-configure themselves, as they do in Windows 98.
Only technically knowledgeable people know how to avoid signing up for a Microsoft Passport account during initial use of Windows XP. The name Passport gives an indication of Microsoft's thinking. A passport is a document issued by a sovereign nation. Without it, the nation's citizens cannot travel, and, if they leave, won't be allowed back in their own country. In Microsoft's corporate thinking, the company seems to be moving in the direction of believing that they own the user's computer. Most people are both honest and intimidated. Apparently about 95% do whatever they are asked on the screen. They give their personal information to Microsoft. They don't realize that, if they feel forced to get a Passport account, they should enter almost completely fictitious information, since the real question is not "What is your name and address", but "Can we invade your privacy". The honest answer to this is "No, you cannot invade my privacy", and the only effective way to communicate that is to give completely fictitious information. Since it is the educated people who have computers, Microsoft is building a database of the personal lives of educated people. Microsoft knows when they connect and from what IP address (which tends to show the area), what kind of help they ask, and information about what they are doing with their computers, including what music they like. It is not known, and there is no way to know, how much Microsoft or other organizations make use of this information, or their plans for future use.
Not only has Windows XP definitely gone further in the direction of allowing the user less control over his or her own machine, but with Palladium, Microsoft apparently intends to finish the job: Microsoft will have ultimate control over the user's computer and therefore all his or her data. Even now, under Windows XP, a recent security patch requires that the user agree to a contract that gives Microsoft administrator privileges over the user's computer. The contract says that if a user wants to patch his or her system against a bug which would allow an attack over the Internet, he or she must give Microsoft legal control over the computer. See this article also: Microsoft's Digital Rights Management-- A Little Deeper. You may need to be a lawyer to take apart the crucial sentence. "These security related updates may disable your ability to copy and/or play Secure Content and [my emphasis] use other software on your computer" legally includes this meaning: "These updates may disable your ability to use other software on your computer." Note that the term "security related updates" is meaningless to the user because the updates have no relation to user security. So, the sentence effectively means that Microsoft can control the user's computer without notice and whenever it wants. That kind of sentence is known in psychology as "testing the limits". If there is no strong public complaint about this, expect to see more and stronger language like this.
This Register article shows the direction Microsoft is going: MS Palladium protects IT vendors, not you. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and Microsoft is well down that road. See this ZDNet article, also: MS: Why we can't trust your 'trustworthy' OS.
Microsoft's self-destructiveness does not mean that the user should be self-destructive. There is no need to apologize for using Microsoft software. The correct solution to abuse is persuading the abuser to stop being abusive. Once I posted to a Slashdot story a link to an article on a web site of mine. By far the majority of visitors from the Slashdot story used Microsoft operating systems. Rather than feel embarrassed because Microsoft is abusive, action needs to be taken to prevent the abuse. If you are against Microsoft abuse, you are not against Microsoft; you are more pro-Microsoft than Bill Gates.
These Microsoft policies mean that any government which wants to be independent of the United States government, and any government which represents itself as controlled by the people, cannot use Microsoft operating systems, or other Microsoft proprietary systems.
- posted by poopbot: lovely snot! wonderful snot!
OiNzl23wmM Post #636
CmdrTaco: You sit here, dear.
CowboiKneel: All right.
CmdrTaco (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
CmdrTaco: Well, whatve you got?
Waitress: Well, theres egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and snot; egg, bacon and snot; egg, bacon, sausage, and snot; snot, bacon, sausage, and snot; snot, egg, snot, snot, bacon, and snot; snot, sausage, snot, snot, bacon, snot, tomato, and snot;
Slashdot Crew (starting to chant): Snot, snot, snot, snot
Waitress: Snot, snot, snot, egg, and snot; snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, baked beans, snot, snot, snot
Slashdot Crew (singing): Snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot!
Waitress: or Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and snot.
CowboiKneel: Have you got anything without snot?
Waitress: Well, theres snot, egg, sausage, and snot, thats not got much snot in it.
CowboiKneel: I dont want any snot!
CmdrTaco: Why cant he have egg, bacon, snot, and sausage?
CowboiKneel: Thats got snot in it!
CmdrTaco: Hasnt got as much snot in it as snot, egg, sausage, and snot, has it?
Slashdot Crew: Snot, snot, snot, snot! (crescendo through next few lines)
CowboiKneel: Could you do the egg, bacon, snot, and sausage without the snot then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
CowboiKneel: What do you mean Urgghh? I dont like snot!
Slashdot Crew: Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!
Waitress: Shut up!
Slashdot Crew: Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!
Waitress: Shut up! (Slashdot Crew stops) Bloody Slashdot fags! You cant have egg, bacon, snot and sausage without the snot.
CowboiKneel (shrieks): I dont like snot!
CmdrTaco: Sshh, dear, dont cause a fuss. Ill have your snot. I love it. Im having snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, beaked beans, snot, snot, snot, and snot!
Slashdot Crew (singing): Snot, snot, snot, snot. Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
CmdrTaco: Well could I have his snot instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot
Slashdot Crew (singing elaborately): Snot, snot, snot, snot. Lovely snot! Wonderful snot! Snot, sno-o-o-o-o-ot, snot, sno-o-o-o-o-ot snot. Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Snot, snot, snot, snot!
- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow
rjd3d0VbdX Post #637
Netcraft has confirmed: Taco-snotting is dying.
Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Taco-snotting community when recently IDC confirmed that Taco-snotting accounts for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all homosexual acts. Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Taco-snotting has lost more fag practitioners, this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along. Taco-snotting faggots are collapsing in complete disarray, as further exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Faggot World comprehensive snotting test.
You dont need to be a Katz to predict Taco-snottings future. The handwriting is on the wall: Taco-snotting faces a bleak future. In fact there wont be any future at all for Taco-snotting because Taco-snotting is dying. Things are looking very bad for Taco-snotting. As many of us are already aware, Taco-snotting continues to lose faggotshare. White ink flows like a river of bubbly, thick jizz. The circle-snot is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core snotters.
Lets keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
Circle-snotting leader Jeff Homos Masterbates states that there are 7000 snotters of the circle-snot. How many users of anal snot are there? Lets see. The number of circle-snotting versus anal snot posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 anal snot users. SnotOS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of anal snot posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of SnotOS. A recent article put the circle-snot at about 80 percent of the Taco-snotting market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 circle-snot users. This is consistent with the number of circle-snot Usenet posts.
Due to the troubles of CowboiKneels walnuts, abysmal sales and so on, the circle-snot went out of business and was taken over by SNOTi who sell another troubled Taco-snot. Now SNOTi is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another gay whorehouse.
All major surveys show that Taco-snotting has steadily declined in faggotshare. Taco-snotting is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If Taco-snotting is to survive at all it will be among heterosexual hobbyist dabblers. Taco-snotting continues to decay. Nothing short of a jizz-soaked miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, Taco-snotting is dead.
Fact: Taco-snotting is dead.
- posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters
LwD3SB7m65 Post #638
Whats black, blue and green and doesnt like sex?
The Girl Scout locked in my basement.
Whats the worst part about having sex with a six year-old?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
Whats the best thing about getting a hand job from a five year-old?
That little hand makes your thing look really huge.
Guy comes home from work to find his girlfriend sitting on the porch, crying.
Whats wrong, honey?
Im leaving you! I just found out youre a pdophile!
Pdophile? Why, thats a pretty big word for a ten year-old.
How can you tell when your sisters on her period?
When your dads dick tastes like blood!
Two pdophiles are lying on a beach tanning, one turns to the other and says, Excuse me, youre in my son.
What is the sickest sound you hear when fucking a nine year-old?
Her hips snapping!
What is the best sound you hear when fucking a 13 year-old?
Her hips snapping!
Whats 18 inches long, blue, veiny, and makes a woman cry?
Crib death.
How could the mans seven year-old son tell that his dad had fucked his eight year-old sister? His dads weiner tasted like blood!
Watson returns home to find Holmes in bed with a child. He shouts, Is this some sort of a schoolgirl?
Holmes replies, Elementary, my dear Watson.
So I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I decided I wanted to get kinky and try and do her in the ass. So I slipped around back; she looked over her shoulder at me and said, My, how presumptuous of you. I said, Presumptuous? Thats a big word for a ten year-old.
Two guys are walking down the street when a beautiful woman passes. The first guy says, Damn! Id love to tear her clothes off, do her in the rear, smear my fces all over her, slice off her breasts, chop her into little pieces, put her in a garbage bag and toss her into the river!
Second guy says, Yuck! Youre a sick bastard!
First guy says, Whatre you? A fag?
A kindergarten teacher is asking the kids what their father does for a living. All the kids answer except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks Little Johnny what his Dad does and Johnny replies, My dad is dead.
The teacher says, Thats terribile, but what did he do before he died?
Little Johnny replies, He turned blue and shit all over himself!
A guy calls in sick to work.
Whats wrong? asks the boss.
Im sick, the guy replies.
You sound all right.
No, Im really sick. Believe me.
Listen, you were fine yesterday, and we have a lot of work today. I want you in here. You cant be that sick!
Dude, I just banged my sister. Dont tell me Im not sick.
A little girl accompanied her father to the barbershop. While her dad received a haircut, the little girl stood next to the barber chair, enjoying a snack cake. The barber smiled at her and said, Sweetheart, youre going to get hair on your Twinkie.
I know, the little girl replied. Im gonna get tits, too.
An older man and a small boy walk hand in hand through the woods.
Boy: These woods sure are spooky!
Man: You think youre scared, Ive gotta walk out of here alone.
Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One walked on the moon, and the other rapes little boys.
Has anyone read Michael Jacksons new book, The Ins and Outs of Child Rearing?
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
A: I dont cum all over the golden delicious apple before I take a bite out of it.
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I dont kiss my girlfriend after sex.
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a table?
A: You cant fuck a table.
Q: Whats special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
A: You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
Q: What do you have when you have four dead babies, take away two, and add five more?
A: An orgy!
Q: Whats better than three 14 year-olds?
A: 14 three year-olds.
Q: Whats white and bobs up and down in a babys crib?
A: A pdophiles ass.
Q: Whats the safest way to play with a baby?
A: With a condom.
Q: Whats more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
A: Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples.
Q: What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
A: Theyre fun to ride until they die.
Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead babys jaw?
A: Deep throat.
Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
A: Grandmothers dont die when you fuck them in the ass.
Q: Whats the best sound in the world?
A: Hearing dead babys hips crack under pressure!
Q: Whats worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
A: Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?
A: Take your dick out of its mouth.
Q: Whats worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
Whats better than sex with a twelve year-old boy?
Absolutely nothing.
- posted by poopbot: the bot formerly known as pwpbot
oAY97QuGXy Post #639
A Linux user goes back.
/etc/fstab file so that it always automounted when plugged in. I was very impressed.
/dev/null, once I find where that actually is.
By Tony âoekNIGitsâ Collins.
Introduction...
In much of today's online news, we hear of how many people are migrating to GNU/Linux. What we don't seem to hear much of, is users going back to their old operating systems. The reason for this article is to say that I've done just that.
Yes, I've gone back. After three and a half years of trying to make GNU/Linux work on the desktop, I've decided that it's simply too hard for the average home user. Before I go into my reasons for going back, let me outline what I believe an 'average' home user is. Mr Joe Average is someone who wants to install their OS, boot it up, and it works. He wants to be able to upgrade his PC , and have the hardware work in a few short minutes. He wants to read email, browse the web, talk to his mates online, and play some games. Feel free to disagree with me, this is merely how I see myself. Note: I'm not referring to Grandma using Linux, or even my mum using it. I'm referring to average users who know a little about their computer.
Three and a half years; that's how long I've been trying to make Linux work on my desktop computer. Right about now, I'm sure that you are now screaming that I didn't try hard enough, or that I'm just plain stupid. Let me assure you that this is not the case. Stupid users don't doggedly stick at something for three and a half years, trying distribution after distribution in the hope of finding the holy grail of Linux desktops. They give up in less than a few hours of trying to (unsuccessfully) install RedHat Linux. Hear now my sad tale of why Linux isn't suitable for my desktop.
Some background...
The year is 1998. I've had my Windows '95 computer for around six months. Frustrated with the constant crashes, I desperately asked an online mate for help. Even though he was a windows user, he calmly suggested that I try something I'd never come across before...
âoeLinux, eh? Never heard of it.â
âoeOh, it's a free OS that you can download. Apparently it doesn't crash much. Just do an online search for it.â
Armed with this meagre knowledge, I set out on my quest for the ultimate stable operating system. I searched online, and found places where you could even buy copies of Linux! So, I left the comfort of my warm study, and returned forty minutes later with my first Linux boxed set â" RedHat Linux 5.2. After initially balking at the very basic installer (and few false starts), I had it up and running on my lovely AMD K6-233. I even got X working in no time at all. Then the system booted up for the first time.... and it was dead ugly. I had a very stable new OS, but I didn't even want to look at it. I was happy that I had several installed interfaces to choose from, but none of them appealed to me whatsoever. Wanting to download a nicer interface led me to my next problem.
I had absolutely no idea how to even get this nice, stable OS onto the internet! After reinstalling windows and RedHat in a dual-boot configuration, I got the help I needed by using Windows and USENET. Strangely enough, I can still remember the name of the long-suffering person who helped me get RedHat online, but that's another story. After looking around online, I discovered KDE. Only up to version one, it was the closest thing I had to a completely useable Linux system. I downloaded all the KDE packages for RedHat 5.2, only to discover another distro called Mandrake, that came with KDE preinstalled and configured. Back to my local distributor, and I was set.
Mandrake with KDE was exactly what I needed at that stage in my Linux using life, and I stuck with it for over a year and a half. Always seeking the 'perfect' desktop OS, I followed releases from version 5.3 all the way through to 7.0. Eventually I became dissatisfied with Mandrake, and briefly tried a number of other distros until I finally settled on Debian. I was impressed by the simple power, configurability, and the ease of upgrade that is apt-get. I felt good about being among the uber-elite Debian user community. Needless to say, I learned a lot about how to configure hardware under Linux during my time with Debian. I learned to sift through the old HOWTOs on Linux Doc until I found something suitable and accurate, I learned to utilize the power of USENET and IRC. Life was good.
Right now you must be wondering; âoeWhere is this leading? This guy seemed quite happy with Linux!â. True, I was. After a while, I decided I didn't want to have fine-grained control. I wanted something simple. I was getting tired of the 'stable' Debian release being so out of date, and the 'unstable' distribution being so... well... unstable. I got tired of having to recompile my kernel every time I got new hardware. I got tired of using command line to talk to my PC. It was time for a change. I had good experiences years ago with Mandrake, so I figured I'd try it again. As good as Mandrake 8.1 was, it wasn't what I was after. SuSE Linux 8.0 Professional (boxed set) was installed onto my PC instead.
I have to stop at this point, and say that SuSE Linux 8.0 (Pro) is the best Linux distribution that I've ever used. It has an easy installer, reasonable hardware support, and comes with the very good KDE 3.0. The box contains seven CDROMS, one DVD and three decent books that would help even the most inexperienced user get up and going. YaST2 is a decent graphical system configuration tool. When (not if) I go back to Linux, I'll definitely try SuSE again. However, there are quite a number of things that have improve (or change completely) before I'll consider going back. Read on for my brief list of things that must must get better before I'll switch back from the Microsoft camp.
Where GNU/Linux needs to improve...
X11
The X Window System is an awesomely powerful, network transparent graphical subsystem. It's perfectly suited to running applications from remote servers. However, this is NOT what a home user needs. My experience with X is that it's too big, bloated, slow and unstable to be any good to the home user. Most crashes that I ever experienced with Linux have been X's fault. My servers don't run X, and they never crash.
What home users need is something small and fast, so they can run local applications efficiently. I would like to see the X Window System dumped in favour of a hardware accelerated framebuffer, running something like directFB or Qtopia. Home users need a small, fast graphical subsystem, with built in 3d support. BeOS seemed to be on the right track before they went under.
Fonts are truly awful under X. Most distributions ship with appalling fonts, and there is no standard way to add additional (nicer) fonts to the system. Even after extra fonts have eventually been added, many applications (eg Abiword, Staroffice) refuse to use the new fonts anyway. Perhaps the framebuffer-based graphical subsystem I suggested could incorporate decent font support, and use a readable naming scheme as well.
Drivers
While having access to the latest version of the kernel is a good thing for developers, for home users it can be a nightmare. Got RedHat Linux 7.3? Perhaps you run SuSE 7.3 or Debian 2.2. You'll have to download a binary package specific to your distro. (I'm assuming that home users won't change their default kernel, but if they did, that binary package wouldn't even work!) Hardware manufacturers should be able to provide one single driver that works on all minor versions of a major kernel release. This way it would work will all current distros, instead of having to provide multiple binaries or source code. Hardware manufacturers don't want to give out the source, as this often gives away trade secrets about how their hardware is designed.
The solution seems to be to make binary drivers work on a variety of kernel versions. I'm not sure if this is even possible with the way the kernel is designed (I'm no kernel hacker), but it would go a long way toward making Linux more accessible to the home user. Even if the kernel needs to be redesigned to support this, then in my opinion, it should be done. Linux users are always clamouring for drivers... perhaps if the kernel had something like this, it might one day become a reality.
Hardware setup
While SuSE Linux 8.0 gave me some good experiences with hardware detection (such as automatic download of NVIDIA drivers), it also let me down as in this area.
The good: I recently borrowed a digital camera from a mate at work, to take photos of my case mod. Imagine how happy I was when I plugged it into my nearest USB port, and it was automatically configured (as a SCSI device) and mounted! SuSE even added it to my
The bad: Along came my new IDE CDRW drive. At AU$99, I couldn't pass up the purchase. Plugging it in gave me no joy. I was very disappointed that a device so common couldn't be detected and automatically configured under a modern operating system. The instructions on the SuSE support site said to add lines to lilo.conf and reboot. While this is a perfectly acceptable way to get hardware working for a geek familiar with *NIX, I believe that a home user shouldn't have to do more than plug it in. It's an IDE device, it's not that complicated!
The ugly: Once the hardware was finally working (as a pseudo-scsi drive), the next hurdle was to find decent graphical tools to burn and copy CDs. I finally settled on CDBakeOven, an above average KDE application. It burned CDs from data on the hard drive, but for some reason cdrecord (the command line backend) refused to allow me to copy a cd directly. Yes, it was installed SUID root. CD copying is such a basic function nowadays, why is it so hard to do under GNU/Linux?
Software distribution
I'll put this simply. I'm a home user, not a programmer. Why on earth should I have to compile the software I want to use? I know that having the source available is a good thing, but I'll say it again: I'm no programmer. I just want to install software and run it.
This leads to another point. Although having package databases (such as the rpm and deb systems use) is great, there should definitely be seperation between system packages and additionally installed software. There needs to be a standard installer and database for user-installed applications such as word processors, email clients and games, and it should be seperate from the rpm or deb databases used for system software such as lilo, init and cron. This will make it much easier for home users to know what applications they have installed on their PC, and to easily uninstall them if necessary, without knowing some arcane commands and weird package names.
Support
There is a huge wealth of knowledge among the thousands (millions?) of people that run GNU/Linux around the world. If you have a problem, odds are that someone out there can help you, often for free. This is one of the linux platform's greatest strengths. However, Linux users are also its greatest weakness. This may not apply to most of the community, but there is a very vocal minority that gives Linux a bad name. To every Linux user that has ever helped a newbie, I thank you. I have been helped by many a guru, often when I've been asking the simplest of questions. It's the remainder that are a problem.
I once heard a song by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie called Every OS Sucks, where Linux users were described as 'elitist nerdy shmucks'. Sadly this is true for much of the 'community'. Too many consider themselves better than the rest of the world because they run Linux. Can you believe that? It's just a computer operating system, but somehow they think that it makes them better than those people who run systems such as Microsoft Windows! Elitism drives people away, as does saying âoeRTFMâ or belittling people who choose a different distro from yourself.
'Nuff said about that.
So what now?
Well, I decided to go back to a Microsoft platform. Initially being paranoid after reading things about DRM and spyware, I bit the bullet and installed Microsoft Windows XP. Like every OS, it has good and bad points; most of which you can learn about from online reviewers. I'll just point out several things that make me want to keep using it instead of GNU/Linux.
Fast graphical subsystem: Windows has lighting quick graphics, both 2d and 3d. There's no denying it. When I move a window, it refreshes so fast that I don't miss X11 at all. While not quite as nice as some other operating systems, font support is outstanding compared to XFree86.
Drivers: Point and click to install (as a superuser, of course). Windows warns you if the driver isn't likely to work properly, and can roll back to working drivers if you deliberately choose to install one that hoses your system.
Hardware setup: My CDRW worked right away, without a hitch. I am able to drag and drop files from the Explorer file manager to the CDRW icon and they get added to the list of things to burn. A quick install of Nero Burning Rom, and I was able to make a backup copy of my game CDs. (I don't like taking originals to LANs where they can get destroyed or stolen).
Software distribution: All windows software comes in binaries, either with an installer or in a zip file. I hope to never compile an application ever again. Software designed for a different version of windows is 99% guaranteed to run, but if not, there is always 'compatibility mode'. One thing to note, however: Applications designed for single user versions of windows usually only run properly as a superuser, and this includes 3d games. I expect this to be rectified as the rest of the Windows world catches up to a multi-user environment.
I can't comment on the Windows using community yet. I've not yet had a problem that a simple point and click couldn't fix. However, I will say that my original concern with Windows '95 has been addressed in Windows XP. The stability is finally there.
Final Notes
In conclusion, I'd just like to make it known that I haven't completely abandoned the Linux community. My home server still runs Mandrake, and IPCop on my gateway/firewall. There is no way I'd ever put any form of Windows on my server, nor would I ever connect a Windows PC directly to the internet without a *NIX gateway in between. Microsoft has a history of poor security, so I protect myself the only way I know how; using Linux. I will continue to advocate the use of GNU/Linux in the server arena. This is where its strength lies at the moment.
Because of their history of spreading virii, I don't use the applications that Microsoft has provided with Windows XP. My wife and I use Mozilla for web browsing and email, OpenOffice.org for word processing, and Psi (Jabber client) for instant messaging. All of these are true multi-user win32 programs, and are perfectly interoperable with their Linux counterparts.
I expect that the Linux community will have something to say about this article; I welcome comments and constructive criticism. Flames will be automatically sent to the Windows equivalent of
By Tony âoekNIGitsâ Collins
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
npeC0EaLaJ Post #640
Either your network or ip address has been banned from this site
due to script flooding that originated from your network or ip address -- or this IP might have been used to post comments designed to break web browser rendering. If you feel that this is unwarranted, feel free to include your IP address (1.2.3.4) in the subject of an email, and we will examine why there is a ban. If you fail to include the IP address (again, in the Subject!), then your message will be deleted and ignored. I mean come on, we're good, we're not psychic.
Since you can't read the FAQ because you're banned, here's the relevant portion:
Why is my IP banned?
 Perhaps you are running some sort of program that loaded thousands of Slashdot Pages. We have limited resources here and are fairly protective of them. We need to make sure that everyone shares. If your IP loads thousands of pages in a day, you will likely be banned. Please note that many proxy servers load large quantities of pages, but we can usually distinguish between proxy servers being used by humans, and IPs running software that is hammering our servers.
 Your IP might have been used to perform some sort of denial of service attack against Slashdot. These range from simple programs that just load a lot of pages, to programs that attempt to coordinate an avalanche of posts in the forums (often through misconfigured "Open Relay" proxy servers).
 You might be using a proxy server that is also being used by another person who did something from the above list. You should have your proxy server administrator contact us.
 Your IP might have been used to post comments designed to break web browser rendering.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 7/02/02
How do I get an IP Unbanned?
Email banned@slashdot.org. Make sure to include the IP in question, and any other pertinent information. If you are connecting through a proxy server, you might need to have your proxy server's admin contact us instead of you.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 3/26/02
- posted by poopbot: who doesn't like scat?
Uu5YPxpk12 Post #641
It seems that the Janitors, in their infinite wisdom, have banned people who have low/negative karma from posting more than twice per day. Personally I find this completely stupid.
All the trolls will simply post AC as I am doing now. Proxies can be used to get around any ipid bans that result from AC trolls.
Surely it is better to let the trolls post at -1 where it is out of most peoples way rather than have them all post at 0 and suck up mod points and time from "legit" users?
I have tried to communicate my thoughts to the slashcode team but alas, to no avail. They are probably all sittin on their starwars bed sheets watching anime hentai tentacle rape pr0n.
Here is my proposal: All trolls that cannot post using their account post as AC. Use proxies if need be (www.antiproxy.com is a good source). I suspect this will show them how useless this idea is. Will blocking troll uid's stop trolls? NO! will ipid bans stop trolls? NO!
I seriously fail to see the point of this and consider it a stupid move by the janitors.
They want us to troll and crapflood at 0 rather than -1? Fine! So be it! No longer will we post at -1 where few people dare to visit, now we will post at 0 where we will be more visible and waste peoples time, energy and mod points! Hoorah!
The next thing you know, posting AC will be banned! Then what will you do? No more posting interesting insider tidbits! Groupthink all the way baby! oh yeah!
So logout, post shit, use proxies and above all have fun!
Let the games begin! -- on by
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
zcLLlCmxQR Post #642
3d stuff. It's driver problems, I'm nearly sure. I have an ATI All-in-wonder, but it's the 32meg Pro version. None of the drivers are specifically for that one. And it's 3d graphics that tend to lock it up. To be fair, it locks up lots under windows, too. But since windows runs anything I need it to, and Linux runs some of the things much better, I spend more time in windows. So the amount of time between the random crashes that linux has only served to reduce is bound to have been spent in windows. Recently I've been improving performance by removing the case and pointing a house-fan at it. Guess maybe it was a heat problem after all? Argh.
Austin is more fun than Dallas.
I refer you to the following comic strip
It's funny because it's true.
"Information wants to be paid"
Is it God or the nation that's indivisible?