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Pedal Powered Wireless Networked Computer?
Friends of Jhai asks: "An NGO called Jhai Foundation, which is building Internet learning Centers in Laos has enlisted Computer Hall-of-Famer Lee Felsenstein to build a cheap, locally assembled, wirlelessly networked PC and communications system. The current details of the machine are here and the application is here. They are looking for similar systems under way that they might work with or which might be ready for deployment. Anyone have any URL's we can check out?" Great! Now you can get your computing and exercising done at the same time! What other types of technology have people managed to adapt to man-power as opposed to boring ol' AC outlets?
So, um, I just got done masturbating, it was one of those web-masturbations, when you don't think that you're going to jack off at all, you're just going to look at some pictures, just for a couple of minutes, and then you'll go back to whatever the hell it was you were supposed to be doing, but of course, you end up unzipping your pants, taking your cock in hand, and going for it, hoping no one will walk in and catch you. This is the picture I was masturbating to, actually. Does that girl have a perfect ass or what?
And it's funny that I would be masturbating tonight, since I actually came already, just a few hours ago, by Topanga's mouth. Yeah, I ended up shooting another video with Topanga. It was the fake cum shoot that I was talking about in my last entry. . . the one I've been promising my client that I'd take care of for about a month now. I was having a lot of trouble finding a woman for the shoot, and so eventually I had to use Topanga again. Not that I really minded working with her again. She's a nice girl and pretty attractive, too. But it's almost like masturbating to a video or magazine that you've already looked at - it's just not as fun as the first time.
Pretty sad that I'm looking at this girl as masturbation material. However, that's exactly what she will be to the viewers who'll see her. . . so it's almost appropriate, in a way. This wasn't the first time that I've ever worked with someone twice - I shot two films with Megan, shot a film with Janay and then ended up wrestling her in another guy's video - which reminds me of a little story which I'll get to in the next paragraph - and like the others, there's a certain trade-off. You're more comfortable and familiar with people you've worked with before, and therefore can go a little deeper, but there's a certain charge, a certain intensity of interest, that happens when two new people meet - and that true to not only the director-actor bond but the actor-actor bond as well. There's a certain heat to two strangers fucking (at least there is in theory). I don't know if you've ever seen amateur videos that feature husband and wife going at it, or boyfriend/girlfriend, but nine times out of ten it'll make you wipe your lubed-up hand on your thigh and reach for the remote control.
So here's my li'l story: I finally got ahold of a copy of this tape that I was in about a year ago, in San Francisco - a video called Bitch Brawl Wrestling by Duck Dumont, of Redboard. It was a wrestling tape, a fetish wrestling tape. The theme of this video was female-domination, and what happened was, I wrestled two ladies (one of them was Janay) and sort of let them beat up on me. With Janay, I ended up losing so badly that she decided she was going to make me her bitch, and she brought out this strap-on dildo and made me suck it for a couple of minutes. When I originally made the video, about a year ago, I was pretty psyched- I was hungry for experience, (like I am now), and I had done something concrete and undeniably different that I could point to - a milestone, of sorts, me being brand-new to the porn world. I wasn't used to getting videotaped being bodyslammed inside of a boxing ring, getting cockwhipped by a beautiful blonde weirdo, and I loved that I (me! Little Jew Me!) was finally starting to have an Interesting and Unique Life!
But I'm ashamed to admit that when I started watching the video, here in L.A., (after being unsuspectedly jointed by Sergio, who, despite his generosity, had to be removed from my studio, since I got quickly became too self-conscious), I wasn't looking at how the video was shot (which, incidentally, was pretty good - ol' Duck's not too bad behind the camera), or how our convincing our playacting was, but rather, how good my body looked. And it didn't look good to me. I don't know if I hadn't started going to the beach by that time last year or what, but I looked pasty white. And the fact that I had given up going to the gym in favor of yoga didn't serve me well, either. I looked fat, childish, without muscle definition. And I have to say that bothered me!
And that bothers me, that it bothers me.
But at the same time, I don't want to get all intellectual and say, well, I shouldn't care about appearance, because that's not what sexiness is all about - I kind of just want to get my body in shape and be hot! Because in a way, that's what porn is all about - you got to work towards this perfect body thing. Yeah, it's not the healthiest thing in the world, I know. But if I'm going to show my naked body on film, I want to at least be putting forth something . . . good. Also, I've had periods where my body is really good. I like being in that space, to be honest. I get kind of confident and feel sexy. There are a lot of things about being young that are profoundly unsexy, I think, but body tone is not one of them. You can have a really hot ass, as a youngster.
And I need to start feeling sexy, because I need to start getting laid a little bit more often. This porn sex is not a good substitute for the real thing ( and it's not like I'm fucking a lot for my videos - I've just gotten head twice in the last three months, both times from good ol' Texas Topanga). I'm in sort of a bind because I wouldn't expect any real girl to have a relationship with me, if I expect to be slipping off for random on-camera sexual experiences every now and then, but the sexual experiences on camera, when they come, are just sort of lame. I mean, Topanga gives good head. And she's very sexy (she's got that kind of ass that black men dream about). But, I mean. . . what is it? There was no seduction. . no rolling around on a couch, making out. . . no dry-fucking and me slipping my fingers under her panties into her wet pussy. . . god, I need some sex! I thought I was getting into this biz so I could have a lot of sex! But I'm just as dry as my friend who works in a law firm! No! I'm drier! He just had sex with his old girlfriend! I don't even have the luxury of that, being as I'm new to the LA area. I was very horny , this afternoon, actually, and was thinking of who I could bootycall. Answer: absolutely no one. Yeah, I have some numbers of some girls. But they all would cost me about four hundred bucks.
Money. The end of the month is coming up - a week remains, as you know. . and I'm short a bunch of cash. The last couple of months the same situation presented itself, and both times I've squeaked by, so I'm hoping that the same thing will happen this time. I actually turned down a gig, which is something that I never dreamed I would do. But check this out: it was a job editing Max Hardcore movies. Now, there are a lot of things that I will do for money. I will pose nude for a gay internet site. I will sell ceramic costume horns on the side of the street. I will pick miserable tomatoes all day in the pouring rain, I will serve rich fucks triple decaf espressos, I will dance to shitty house music in my underwear in a fag bar. But I will not edit a Max Hardcore movie.
Now, to make things perfectly clear, it wasn't Max who asked me, it was a woman (Kelly Holland) who runs an editing/production house. She had just fired an editor and received a serendipitously-timed email from li'l ol me, and I was doing my ol' I-think-you're-a-wonderful-producer-there-needs-to -be-more-women-in-positions-of-power-in-this-indus try-by-the-way-could-I-have-some-work
shtick. So she ended up asking me if I had ever edited an adult feature before,
and I said yes, of course, and then she said Besides your own stuff.
And I answered, my bubble burst just a tad, no, not really, and so she said
Well, would you like to? And I said, Yeah, that'd be great.
Then she let me in that it was Max. I don't know if you guys out there know
who Max is. Probably some of you do. Well, the guy is pretty insane. I'm not
going out on a very extended limb when I say he's kind of a rapist. He doesn't
do good things to the girls he works with. He does bad things, I think it's
safe to say. He sticks handfuls of pens in their pussies and makes them write
cunt on a piece of paper. He fucks them in the asses and then
jams his gross, shaven white, Viagra-hard fifty year old cock straight into
their mouths. He calls the girls Cunt Slut Fuckhole
and Cocksocket. He turns them upside down (in what is known as
the piledriver), cums in their asses and makes them suck the cum
out with a straw. And I may sink pretty low in my profession of choice, but
I can't go that low and still be able to look myself in the face when I shave
or when I go to the gym (there are mirrors all over the gym and I fucking
look at myself like ten thousand times each time I go there. I wish there
were less mirrors there.)
So I told Kelly no. I hope I didn't fuck myself; I hope I get some other kind of job with her company. Thing is, I know I made the right choice, and it has nothing to do with ethical grounds: I just know that I couldn't watch this guy's antics for ten hours a day, five days in a row. I would go insane. On the other hand, though, I will admit that I have masturbated, more than one time, to a Hardcore tape. I'm ashamed, but he picks young girls. That's what I'm into, to be honest. I don't like the degradation that he's into, but I do like those young asses.Oh, the shame, the shame of it. Yes, I go to Katie's-world.com. Yes, I go to TeenPlanet.
So what else? I'm teaching Final Cut Pro tomorrow to a ex-stripper. I started reading The Great Shark Hunt by Hunter S. Thompson - surprisingly good. I went to a garage sale on the way to the studio that yielded some good cassettes - Parliament Mothership Connection , The Best of Barry White, Run-DMC Profile, some Kool Moe Dee tape. (The seller, like me, was a whitey.) And it's still spring here, outrageously gorgeous, blooming despite the smog.
Friday, July27th, 2001
A few days ago, I got a phone call from a woman friend of mine - let's call her Caroline - who's a stripper, a part-time porn actress, and an on-again-off-again prostitute. Although I've never met Caroline in person, we've spoken about ten times in the year that we've known each other. Usually when we talk, we end up having phone sex (which she always initiates). Sometimes the conversations are memorable, and so, often when she calls, I start up my li'l surreptious lo-fi tape recorder (I'm a bad boy, I know) and record the whole thing. For art's sake.
This time, when she called, I had something new to ask her about (and if you guys have been keeping up with my journal then you'll probably be able to guess what it was about). Yes, it was time for the ol' lady (she's 26) to school the wavering kid on the pros and cons of being a pro. It turned out that the subject was relevant to her too, since she was getting ready to move to Vegas to run an escort service. About halfway through the conversation, her friend Aaron entered( Aaron had introduced me to her a year earlier; he had seen me dancing at a club in San Jose, the first time in my life I had ever go-go danced, actually, and had stuck his card in my underwear along with a wet dollar bill; later I called him and it turned out he was a photographer and wanted to shoot me; even later, it turned out that he was a sleaze and wanted to fuck me; when informed of my orientation, he gave me Caroline's number with the recommendation, she's good to go, man, she's a slut and so I called her right away and had phone sex with her, made plans to meet, and then realized that her's and Aaron's plans were to have a three-way with me. The ol' bait and switch. The meeting never happened.) Certain outrageous activities began to occur. I was gleeful that I was getting it all.
I spent all of yesterday editing the tape and converting it to an mp3, so I could put it up here- but after tinkering around with my computer for hours today I'm realizing that I just don't know how to put it up on the web. I just have no fucking clue. That's a loss, for me and for you - for you, because the convo is funny and if you were able to hear it you'd have a richer picture of Caroline, not to mention of ol' S. Stern; for me, because now I have to transcribe the whole damn thing.
But here goes.
Sam (Coming in mid-conversation): Yeah. . if you get paid a whole, whole lot of money, I can see how it might be worth it.
Caroline: Yeah, well, yeah.
Sam: I had this oppurtunity, well, I still have this oppurtunity, to make some money giving like, sensual massages. .
that sort of end like in hand jobs. . .
Caroline: Oh, okay . . .
Sam: But I'm not sure that I want to do it, but the money sounds pretty sweet
Caroline: Yeah . . .
Sam:Cuz it's like in with this porn guy, he's like the king of the gay porn world, and he knows all these like executives and shit. . . I'm kinda conflicted, I'm not sure I want to do it.
Caroline: Oh, Sam, sam, sam, sam. . .
Sam: I mean, do you think I should do it?
Caroline: Uh, duh. It's no big deal. It's nothing more than I've done when I was younger. Your age.
Sam: Tell me about it.
Caroline: I would fuck for extra tips and stuff.
Sam: Like when you were dancing?
Caroline: Yeah. It's not that big of a deal.
Sam: What if some guy was totally gross? Could you still get through it somehow?
Caroline: Well, I mean, I would lay out what it is I would do and what it is I wouldn't do. I mean, if he was totally gross, I'd tell him, y'know, no, I wouldn't kiss him. Or no, I wouldn't do this, or no, I wouldn't do that.
Sam: So, I mean, you kinda call the shots, huh?
Caroline: Right. I'd lay the groundrules.
Sam: Huh.
Caroline: I don't really have any hang-ups. Whether I'm having sex with a girl or with a guy. As long as I come, that's all that matters.
Sam: Hm hm. And so, why not get paid?
Caroline: Right, why not get paid doing something that I enjoy doing?
Sam: Yeah.
Caroline: Coming.
Sam: Yeah.
Caroline: And I guess I'm posing the same question to you. What's the big deal?
Sam: Exactly. But, I'm not sure that I enjoy giving handjobs to guys. I mean, if it was with women, maybe that's a different story.
Caroline: I don't know. My impression of you is that you just haven't explored your. . . feminine side. I don't know. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think you're definitely more heterosexual than anything else, but I think you're far too open-minded to be shutting yourself off from . . . men.
Sam: Huh. I mean, I really tune my fantasies into women. That's what I think about. That's what turns me on.
Caroline: Okay. . . the point is, is that, can you fake it?
Sam: (Pausing) Yeah. Probably.
Caroline: Well, then, that's all that matters.
Sam: Yeah! As long as I'm okay with it, and as long as they're satisfied with whatever they get.
Caroline: Right.
Sam: But you really call the shots, huh? You kind of go in there and lay down what the deal is.
Caroline: Well, yeah. You have to set the expectations. Or you're going to end up with someone fairly pissed. But I mean, at the same time you still have to be kind, open-minded, friendly, flirtatious . . . something desirable . . . you can't just go in and set down all these rules . . .
Sam: Right.
Caroline: So, you have an oppurtunity to do handjobs for five hundred bucks a hand?
Sam (Realizing):Yeah, man. That's pretty good.
Caroline: So, why aren't you, like, bringing in the dough? That's pretty easy work. Not asking much of you.
Sam: No, it's not, is it?
Caroline: No. Pretty weak, not doing it, if you ask me. (Laughs.)
Sam: See, the thing is, I had to give the guy a handjob first, right? Before the whole. . . before he hooks me up with his clients. And he's just . .
Caroline: So you did it.
Sam: Well, I started to. I went to his house, I got naked, he got naked, and he's just, really gross, big, fat, pink guy, he was kind of drunk, and he was like rub my balls! and I freaked out, I was like No . . . no, what's going on?
Caroline: Well, you know, the easiest money to make is having someone suck you off. Tell me, how does that hurt you?
Sam:(Laughing) I don't know, I. . .
Caroline: What do you have to do to make that money? Get hard and come.
Sam: Right . . .
Caroline: That's it. That's the easiest money fucking to make. (Pause) So, you been getting a lot of uh, pussy lately?
Sam: No.
Caroline: No?
Sam: Uh-uh. I wouldn't say so.
Caroline: Why not?
Sam: I don't know why not. I think about that a lot. (Laughs.) I'm kind of shy, I guess. I'm the shiest person in porn.
Caroline: Well, you're gonna have to let yourself go.
Sam: Yeah.
Caroline: Learn to play a part and just go with it. And then, y'know, if you can't do it, then you can't do it. And part of that is the whole gay thing, I guess. Y'know, the gay thing makes more money than the straight thing.
Sam: But I want to be fucking women!
Caroline: (Laughs) Well, I mean, hello. Priorities. (Then:) You might do better if you shaved.
Sam: What, my face, or my. . .
Caroline: Your happy trail.
Sam: My happy trail, really?
Caroline: Yeah.
Sam: But I'm just sporting the natural look, know what I'm saying?
Caroline: You're sporting the natural look, well, get real, you're in fucking L.A., nothing's natural.
(Aaron enters. He relieves Caroline of the phone.)
Aaron: Hey, how're you doing?
Sam: Good, how are you?
Aaron: Good, how are you?
Sam: (Laughs) Good.
Aaron: You just chillin', or what?
Sam: Uh huh.
Aaron: That's cool. (Pause) Whatcha been up to?
Sam: I moved down to L.A. a little while ago.
Aaron: Whatcha been doin'?
Sam: Just doin' a whole bunch of shit concerning the adult industry and it's ins and outs and all that. . .
Aaron: Oh, yeah? That's cool . . . that's very cool.
Sam: So you going to Vegas?
Aaron: Yeah, moving to Vegas, gonna help Caroline out here, start up her new biz . . . (Pause) . . .Fuck . Oh fuck. Ohhhhh, dude.
Sam: Is she sucking your dick right now?
Aaron: Yeah.
Sam: (Long laughter).
Aaron: Oh fuck. Shit.
Sam: (More laughter.)
Aaron: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
Sam: Is she a good, uh, dicksucker?
Aaron: Ooh, yeah. Yeah, she's good. She's really good. Fuck yeah. Slurpin the fucking dick. Fuck. Have you guys met up yet, or what?
Sam: No, we haven't.
Aaron: Fuck! Shit. So, you still livin' in L.A?
Sam: Yeah. I am. Yep.
Aaron: Well, that's not far from Vegas.
Sam: Maybe I'll come to Vegas.
Aaron: You should do that. On a weekend. You might enjoy it. (Pause) I'm sorry. Hang on.
(Caroline takes the phone.)
Caroline: Hi. Umm. Hey.
Sam: Hey.
Caroline: What's up.
Sam: Nothin'.
Caroline: Mmm. Agh. . . Aaron could be in one of your porns with me.
Sam: What's he doing?
Caroline: He's just licking me. Mm. . . . Licking my clit. . . Ah . . . fuck . . . I'm sorry . . .
Sam: That's okay. (Pause) I'd like to fuck you too.
Caroline: You couldn't handle me.
Sam: Oh really.
Caroline:You're too uptight.
Sam (Laughing): Oh, wow . . .
Caroline (Laughing): You need to relax . . . Oh god. . . oh god, he's got such a nice dick . . oh fuck. . I'm sorry, so anyways, where were we? Oh . . .
Sam: What's he doing now?
Caroline: Stickin' it in . . .
Sam: He's got his cock in you?
Caroline: Yeah. . . . . Fuckin . . . Oooahh . . oh oh oh oh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuck. Man. Hold on. I want to suck his dick. Lick my pussy juice.
Aaron: Hey how you're doin.
Sam: Hey. (Laughs).
Aaron: Fffuck. Shit. She's sucking my dick again. (Pause). You should come join us.
Sam: In Vegas?
Aaron: Yeah. You're like still bi-curious or something, or what?
Sam: Say what?
Aaron: You still like bi-curious, or what.
Sam: (Sighing) I don't really know what I am.
Aaron: You don't know?
Sam: Ah, no. I don't.
Aaron: Fuck. Hold on, I gotta fuck her.
Sam: (Politely) All right.
And so that's what it was. There was more, of course, there's always more, but after a while I got tired of listening to them and said the batteries on my phone were dying and bid them goodbye. It's funny, I still don't have Caroline's number. She won't give it to me.
I'm charging the batteries of my GL-1 cuz tomorrow I'm helping my friend Mark out with a shoot. A word about Mark. He calls me up last weekend and is like, I saw your funny-ass website. And you got the conversation that we had (Mark is the guy who set me up with Shawna, a.k.a. Yogurt) practically verbatim, but you fail to mention what a good guy I am!
What a good guy? I said. See, the thing is man, I don't even know if we're friends! I like you, and we get along and we talk shit and all that and then I think we're friends. Then when we deal with each other, you're all business!
Like how?
Like the shit with the girl's numbers! Why does it always have to be tit for tat? Why can't you just trust me? Why can't you just hook me up with a girl's number and trust that I'll eventually get you back sometime? I'm in this shit to last, Mark!
Well, since you're talking about friends, you got the chance to do me a favor. I need a cameraman on Saturday.
I paused, checked my schedule. My parents were coming into town, but not until late that night. All right, you got one. When's it shooting from?
Nine to four.
Damn! How much are you paying?
Mark laughed. Sam, here you come talking all this shit about friends . . .
All right, I said. He had me. Fine. I'll see you Saturday.
Good.
I still don't know what to think of Mark. But he reads my site, apparently, so I can't write anything too negative about his ass. (I contacted Mark to see how exactly he would like to be referred to here. He responded, as a handsome, educated work-a-holic who provides incredible hookups and rarely gets anything in return.)
A few days later, I got an email from Mark that said Do not bring the Sam Stern entourage to the shoot on Saturday. Come alone. Repeat, come alone. That got me thinking. What the hell was I going to shoot, anyway? I emailed Mark. A few minutes later I get back this reply:
10 man gangbang followed by a 40 man bukkake and possibly an anal gangbang
Jesus . . . hey, why can't you get a cameraman, man? Is it because no one in their right mind would shoot a 10 man gangbang followed by a 40 man bukkake unless they were completely fucked in the head? This is some strong shit. I have never even seen a gangbang video. And a bukkake, well, that is some sick, sick porn for you. That's the kind of porn that when people point at and say, porn is disgusting and should be banned, you have a hard time arguing with them.
Maybe you don't know what a bukkake video is. Maybe I should draw you a mental picture. Picture a nice, pretty young girl. She has a fair, unobscured face, with symmetrical features and shiny, happy skin. Then picture this girl on her knees, taking load after load of semen until she's fairly drowning in cum. You know those cone things dogs wear after operations so that they won't scratch their faces? Sometimes the girl wears one of those, to trap the cum. Forty men. Forty loads. It's a gross-out, to be sure.
And I'm shooting it. Thanks, Mark. That's what we call friendship, I guess. Friendship, porno-style.