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NASA Plan to Read Brainwaves at Airports
cascino writes: "In one of the more bizarre (and intrusive) spinoffs of the Government's 'crackdown on terrorism,' Officials of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration have told Northwest Airlines security specialists that the agency is developing brain-monitoring devices in cooperation with a commercial firm, which it did not identify. Space technology would be adapted to receive and analyze brain-wave and heartbeat patterns, then feed that data into computerized programs 'to detect passengers who potentially might pose a threat,' according to briefing documents obtained by The Washington Times." This is the second story recently that gives me second thoughts about flying Northwest.
It's actually time to break out the tinfoil hat!
Maybe we'll finally get proof that when Northwest claims "mechanical troubles", what they really mean is "We don't have enough people on this flight so we're just going to blow off that ticket we sold you."
used on the planes:
Pilot: Could a Mr. Smith please stop thinking about our stewardess'. It's frightening them.
Jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable cash prizes
In the year 2101
Security officer 1: What he thinking...
Security officer 2: I think he's thinking..."Someone set us up the bomb!"
Security officer 1: We get brain signal!
Security officer 2: We better not let him on the plane...
the same people whose $160,000,000 space probes split in two when their rockets fire.
Their first test subject was George W. Bush. At first they thought it didn't work.
We get signal
He's thinking about setting up us the bomb
You have to chance to survive, make your time
It was only a matter of time.
Move to Antarctica now. Get out while you still can.
It can't be stressed enough how important it is to have the shiny side pointing out. This is needed because the shiny side is most reflective to psychotronic radiation, while the dull side can actually, in certain environmental conditions, absorb it.
However, it is also wise to complement this with a layer of foil pointing shiny side in. This will keep your brain waves, which are also reflected by the shiny side, from being picked up by mind-reading equipment.
There is a small number of aluminum foil researchers who believe that this may cause an alpha-wave harmonic to build up in the skull resulting in memory loss or pseudo- religious visions, but their findings have never been replicated by the aluminum foil research community at large. Even if their findings are validated, the risk involved is small compared to the potential of mind-intrusion.
-- AFDB
Maybe they could equip the flight attendants with these things so actually show up when I want another !@#$ing soda.
My
Limekiller
I can see the court cases now.
Sexual harassment charge: "You were harbouring lewd thoughts about the air hostess, don't try to deny it!"
Air rage charge: "Ok so you claim you were only THINKING about throttling that kid in the row behind you, tough luck, throttling is throttling"
Seditious thoughts charge "So you were delayed at checkin, that doesn't give you the right to think the security controls are crap"
Everyone knows that you can tell if someone is a criminal by the pattern of bumps on their skull.....
I hereby place the above post in the public domain.
It could be that this new "technology" doesn't exist at all. It's probably just a deception that will justify selective ethnic profiling. "Gee, walk through this gate. It will read your brainwaves and heartbeat. Don't be afraid, it's harmless and non-intrusive. We can't actually read your thoughts, but we can get a pretty good idea of your state of mind and intentions from your physiological data." translates into walk through this gate with the pretty blinking lights, and we will pull you aside, run background checks all the way back to your great grandparents, interrogate you anyway we see fit, and if we find anything, you win a FREE all expenses paid vacation to Cuba.
To bluff the system, just wrap a wet towel around your head, or if you're wearing a turban, dunk your head quickly in and out of a toilet.
"All the graphs are showing a big middle finger.."
1) You haven't been to an airport lately, have you? They're already doing the circus macaque thing!
I mean, just who do you think's confiscating G.I. Joe dolls and Medals of Honor while making lactating mothers guzzle a gallon of h00terj00ce as the price of admission for the "privilege" of flying the friendly skies?
Then again, anything that means less babies on airplanes gives at least some relief for the poor fuckers who still have to fly rather than drive. I wouldn't know. I love a good road trip, and my "I'll drive, rather than fly" limit for a one-day drive is about 16-20 hours - about 1000-1200 miles, which is way more than enough for anything my job will ever require.
<RANT> I mean, think about it. Fuck the airlines, gimme an air-conditioned automobile with a big cushy seat all to myself, an open road, a fresh box of Krispy Kremes, a six-pack of Jolt Cola, a line-out-to-tape adapter, six speakers, and a laptop crammed with MP3s of my favorite road music! Fuck the airlines! All the baggage I can cram into the trunk! Your choice of good eats at any restaurant in any city en route! Door-to-door service from home to hotel! No lineups, no waiting! I say again, Fuck the airlines!
You hear me, Chapter-11-bound United! FUCK YOU! You heard my, South-drunken-pilots-West! FUCK YOU! You heard me, Chapter-11-fried US Air! FUCK YOU! You can all rot in bankruptcy for all I care!
You hear that, airlines? We don't need you anymore! We don't need you, we don't need your shitty service, your lying gate agents, your lost baggage, your delayed flights! We don't need to watch TSA goonz feeling up our wives/girlfriends/daughters! And most of all, when we drive, we don't need to worry about still being blown to smithereens because you imbeciles JUST. DIDN'T. GET. IT. when it came to security.. We don't need you anymore. So please, airlines, just dry up and fly away. Fuck you and the Pegasi you flew in on. </RANT>
(Whew, OK, rant over.)
2) Based on my comment in #1, it appears as though I've just been sued on behalf of all nonhuman primate species by the Circus Macaque Anti-Defamation League, for my derogatory comments against macaques.