Slashdot Mirror
Cremation? Burial? How about Diamonds?
travisbecker writes "From Reuters via Yahoo! comes this story. "A Chicago company (Lifegem) says it has developed a process for turning cremated human remains into diamonds that can be worn as jewelry." As for the quality... "If it's done slowly and with a great deal of care, one could have a reasonably high-quality diamond," according to a quote in the story." This should not be confused with our earlier diamond discussion.
by THE_MESSENGER, Troll Staff Writer
HELSINKI - It has just been learned that any Linux box with an unset "root" password in vulnerable to remote compromise, says Dick Johnson, Linux hacker and security analyst. "The attack is very simple," John reports. "Pretty much all you have to do is log in. Then you have complete control of the system." This security problem is believed to be caused by a fundamental flaw in the design of the UNIX family of operating systems, which is the model for the Linux kernel, a popular Cheap Software product. Johnson elaborates: "Those UNIX guys just didn't account for administrators who are too stupid to set root passwords."
However, knowledge of this flaw fairly widespread within the Linux community. In fact, the only person known to be unaware of a password-less root account's grave implications is Timothy Gaybone, an "editor" for the popular Cheap Software news website "Slashdot.org." While Timothy is a hardcore Windows 98 user, the recent posting of an article detailing a similar security problem relating to Microsoft's SQL Server 2000 relational database product leads many analysts to believe that he is unaware of Linux's problem as well. DOJ crytoanalyst Harry Blotter guesses that Timothy's "reliance on Windows 98 is probably the root cause of his ignorance. After all, Windows 98 doesn't require login passwords."
There are no reports of websites compromised by this latest Linux vulnerability, although many industry experts suspect that, oddly enough, Slashdot.org may have been breached years ago. "Rob Malda's personal workstation has probably been cracked -- his spell-checkers have been deleted," Dick Johnson explains.
before you get cremated, I'm going to dump several large loads of manspunk up your dead ass, so part of me will get diamonized along with your pathetic corpse. Then I'll play Hide-The-Diamond up your wife's ass.
This Generic Slashdot Post was brought to you by The_Messenger
5420 Taco Caliente Street
Los Enchiladas, Mexico 23098
Dear Miguel,
Please go back to Mexico.
Please take your shitty window manager with you, and never come north of the border again.
GNOME is a shameless Windows-ripoff, which proves how lazy you people really are. GNOME is not only nauseating, but it stinks like a sweaty Mexican, and is vaguely Satanic as well. We have much better Unix windowing interfaces already. We have CDE, a testament to All-American corporate strength and solidarity. We have KDE, created by a band of Europeans who celebrate their Aryan pride by killing Jewish babies. We have several NeXTstep clones. We have FVWM, which is pretty lame, but is still better than GNOME. GNOME is poo. It is as much poo as Red Hat, and Red Hat is some real poo. GNOME is a slow, ugly, poorly-programmed Mexican RAM-hog. And poo.
I know that you designed GNOME with the intention of using it to subvert American intelligence and innovation. I have decyphered the clever Mexian encryption used in GNOME's name to discover its true meaning: Go North Of MExico. Yes, you sent GNOME to the rich north in order to weaken the free Unix movement, and you have succeeded. But now that your plot is discovered, you will skulk back to your filthy third-world country in shame. Ha ha!
So please go back to your magical burrito country and have a tequila and pass out drunk underneath a mule. A farting mule. A farting mule, who despite his farts which stink like month-dead roadkill, is not as offensive as your terrible window manager. Go back to Mexico, and receive training in a more traditional Mexican occupation, such as "hotel clean-up lady" or "criminal". Dance the wicked flamenco and then have a siesta!
Thank you. Or, as you would say, gracias!
Hasta la vista,
The_Messenger
When I was a young boy, I awoke every morning to the delicious smell of penis. My father and his boyfriend's vegetarian health store contained within it a hot griddle perfect for making penis, anus, and a multitude of other stinky snacks. I remember them well -- The pleasant, care-free days of my childhood in the dojo were often spent peering into the kitchen with eager anticipation as my father prepared penis my family.
As I grew older, and began my journey to homosexual enlightenment, the memories of my penis-eating youth filled my heart and dreams with warm, fluffy goodness....Ahhh, yes..the sweet, sweet memories... The day I ate 10 penises... The day I placed a warm penis between my fleshy loins and performed the forbidden dance... The day pressed a penis to my buttocks and encouraged my dog to come eat.. Indeed, much of my childhood was spent in pure innocence -- An innocence only penis can provide. It was heaven. A heaven, filled with penis, where I sat at the throne of God, with my hand-maidens Rob Malda and Jeff Bates seated beside me. An indestructible triumvirate made of flesh, blood, semen, and love.
By the age of 15, the path of my life became unclear and confusing. Torn between my duty my health club and my love for penis, I foolishly left home in search of karaguchi ah-nowakadesu..The ultimate penis. My journey took me to the many streets of LA, many days away from the health club. My hunger for penis became my teacher, and foolishly I let it control the path that I fucked upon. My mouth, sore from sucking, ached as my heart and stomach did, until I came to a realization. My duty was clear. I needed to take a stand and accept my love for the art of vegetarian cuisine AND my love for penis. It was not wrong for me to love both. I love one as a dear friend, and one as a lover. Yes--My mission was clear--I must become a faggot, a secret pervert hired by Sarcasta BUT I MUST ALSO ENJOY THE OCCASIONAL penis.
My adoration for genetalia has placed me within an awkward position. Many faggots refuse to recognize me as their brother. I defend my father's land, but I am looked upon as weak and undisciplined. I tell them, "But, brothers! Listen to my plea! The penises do not weaken me, nor do they make me disobey the rule of my vegeables. They fill me with love." But alas, they do not understand...For the mind of a faggot is complex.
My only earthly desire is to be accepted for who I am. Yes, I am a FAGGOT--But I also enjoy penis. Will you accept me? If you were approached by a faggot who requested a penis, would you submit to his will?
- A Penis-Eatin' Faggot
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Proving the obvious fact:
Timothy is gay.
This shows just how ridiculous the current left-wing world has become. Total disregard for human life and the human body. The human body was created as a temple for the soul, created in the image of God. Now it is reduced to this.
Oh, wait -- you didn't think that lobstermen actually go out to the ocean in boats and catch lobsters, do you? That's pretty fucking ignorant. I'll bet you've never even been on the East Coast.
"Lobsterman" means the same thing in New Hampshire as it means in Maine and all over New England: hoary old NAMBLA members with beards and raincoats who divide their time between fucking kids and supporting union "labor." Maybe, on the farm where you were born, all words mean what they seem to, be we New England folks are sophisticated. Why, we even have a special word for loud-but-ineffective leftist homosexuals past their prime: "stallman." Just as lobstermen aren't "men who catch lobsters," stallmen aren't "men in stalls." Inceidentally, stallmen can often be found in public bathroom stalls, but that's just one of their many habitats. Stallmen tend to congregate around overrated educational institutions. Recently, stallman subcultures have developed in China and Slovenia. For more information on these annoying, filthy beasts, see the stallman homepage.
-- The_Messenger
This must be a difficult time of year for Cheap Software bigots. Those of you who aren't naive college students have no money to buy gifts, and surely no gifts will be given to the hostile, irritable, unhygienic "developers" (ha!) whom we have to thank for such monuments of shit as Mozilla and SourceForge. I'd be sad, too, having to watch highly-paid Closed Source developers stroll down the street, arms laden with expensive gifts, surrounded by beautiful women.
And speaking of women, I just remembered that Valentine's Day is only two months away! You think that you'll be able to find a girlfriend by then, hog? Or will you spend another year cold and alone, trying to convince yourself that playing Counter-Strike with 15-year-old illiterates is really better than hot, greasy sex?
Perhaps you should look to homosexuality, the traditional sexual outlet of the Cheap Software "developer." Sure, it may hurt a bit, and your ass may leak blood and semen for 72 hours afterward, but anything is better than being alone on Christmas... isn't it?
Anyway, as I was saying, if making up fairy tales about Santa and Linux helps you survive another holiday season, fine. But it isn't helping your cause, and it isn't improving the real world's outlook on Cheap Software. Why not get some exercise, take a shower, put on some nice clothes, buy (or steal) some expensive chocolates and wine, walk down to your nearest singles bar, and... slit your wrists in the bathroom? Thanks!
-- The_Messenger
Good News: It wasn't dug out of a dangerous mine by a child.
Bad News: It used to be a dead guy.
SQL Server had that problem before Linux. Haha, you're beloved M$ shit is still less secure.
I know you're new here, but if you look at your preferences, you can give the AC and Foes a negative bonus, so you don't have to read their stuff anymore. HTH, HAND.