Slashdot Mirror


Cremation? Burial? How about Diamonds?

travisbecker writes "From Reuters via Yahoo! comes this story. "A Chicago company (Lifegem) says it has developed a process for turning cremated human remains into diamonds that can be worn as jewelry." As for the quality... "If it's done slowly and with a great deal of care, one could have a reasonably high-quality diamond," according to a quote in the story." This should not be confused with our earlier diamond discussion.

398 comments

  1. Now I know by dreamchaser · · Score: 5, Funny

    Now I know what my wife will have done with me after she has me bumped off!

    1. Re:Now I know by Matthaeus · · Score: 4, Funny

      I know mine always refers to me as a "diamond in the rough..."

      Used to think it was cute. Kinda creepy, now.

  2. The question is ... by RWarrior(fobw) · · Score: 2

    Is there a market for this product? We've seen companies' rosy estimates of their product's market potential ... who, really, would want to wear their dad in a ring? And would want to pay for the privlege?

    --
    Remove the caps and hold to a mirror.
    1. Re:The question is ... by geekoid · · Score: 5, Funny

      yes, but wouldn't an evil villian want to have there enemys made into jewlery they can wear?

      thats the problem with todays youth, nobody thinks about the super villian.

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    2. Re:The question is ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      who, really, would want to wear their dad in a ring?



      I wear a necklace of my enemies' ears...


      Accessorize!


    3. Re:The question is ... by soapvox · · Score: 2, Funny

      My wife for one, we both think that being buried is a big waste and ashes would just be thrown away anyways, so why not cremate me to be used as a beautiful diamond pendant she can alsways wear to remember the good times we had, the question is should I fatten myself up before I am about to die to make a bigger diamond?

    4. Re:The question is ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Interesting

      There may be a big market given how many baby boomers are getting into Buddhism. Why waste time living a pure life, when with an easy installment plan you can guarantee that your cremation will produce brilliant diamonds?

      -----
      Often in the cremated remains of monks who have led extremely pure lives are found sarira of various colors and sizes that look like effulgent pearls.

      Chan Master Syu-Yun related this experience he had with a relic of the Buddha at Asoka Monastery:

      . . . Everyday when visitors came to have a look at the sarira, I always followed them. The visitors' opinions about the relic varied greatly. I had seen it many times; at first it looked to me as of the size of a green bean and of a dark purple color. In the middle of the tenth month, after I had paid reverence to the Mahayana and Hinayana tripitakas, I went again to look and it was the same size as before but like a brilliant red pearl. As I was impatient to see how it would transform itself, I again prostrated myself and felt pains all over my body; the sarira was bigger than a yellow bean, half yellow and half white.

    5. Re:The question is ... by soapvox · · Score: 3, Funny

      Oh forgot about the Goth Market, how cool and depressing would it be to get your sister who committed suicide to be made into a diamond ring you can wear and always get truly depressed!

    6. Re:The question is ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      >> There may be a big market given how many baby
      >> boomers are getting into Buddhism.

      Getting into it!?! Where have you been? Try gotten into (35 years ago) and since moved onto the newest boomer craze, Mercedes SUVs.

    7. Re:The question is ... by perfects · · Score: 5, Funny

      who, really, would want to wear their dad in a ring

      It's not all that strange, it's just a matter of perspective.

      Around the turn of the century (1900) it was very fashionable to wear jewelry made from a dead loved one's hair. Nobody thought it was morose.

      Even now, how many people have dear ol' Mom's ashes in a jar on the mantle? Isn't that a little... weird... when you think about it?

      My grandfather was buried behind the cabin at his deer-hunting camp. Isn't that a little... creepy?

      People build marble buildings to house their remains. Now that's strange!

      As for me, I want to be composted.

    8. Re:The question is ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll
      Shut up. There are plenty of "lobsters" (ripe young boys) in New Hampshire, as the so-called "lobstermen" will readily attest. New England is a fucking sick place.

      Oh, wait -- you didn't think that lobstermen actually go out to the ocean in boats and catch lobsters, do you? That's pretty fucking ignorant. I'll bet you've never even been on the East Coast.

      "Lobsterman" means the same thing in New Hampshire as it means in Maine and all over New England: hoary old NAMBLA members with beards and raincoats who divide their time between fucking kids and supporting union "labor." Maybe, on the farm where you were born, all words mean what they seem to, be we New England folks are sophisticated. Why, we even have a special word for loud-but-ineffective leftist homosexuals past their prime: "stallman." Just as lobstermen aren't "men who catch lobsters," stallmen aren't "men in stalls." Inceidentally, stallmen can often be found in public bathroom stalls, but that's just one of their many habitats. Stallmen tend to congregate around overrated educational institutions. Recently, stallman subcultures have developed in China and Slovenia. For more information on these annoying, filthy beasts, see the stallman homepage.

      -- The_Messenger

    9. Re:The question is ... by The+Dobber · · Score: 1

      Well they probably lost out on Billy-Bob and Angela Jolie.

    10. Re:The question is ... by Proquar · · Score: 2, Funny

      For years I wanted this!

      But, do I have to be cremated first? Aren't I carbon enough in this form?
      *sigh*

      Nobody ever sells me what I really want!!

      --
      ---- *dog sitting next to a computer, with his beady eyes shifting left to right*
    11. Re:The question is ... by shut_up_man · · Score: 1

      Wait wait wait... they can make a thimbleful of carbon into a 0.25 carat diamond. How much of a person makes a thimbleful of carbon? The super-villain could cut something off Mr Bond and turn it into a necklace, or a ring, providing it was large enough.

      With the standard size of urns, I can't imagine even 007 would be that well-endowed, but maybe a leg or something.

    12. Re:The question is ... by jasonbw · · Score: 1

      Hell, the reason i want to be cremated is because its cheaper....these damn things start at $4,000.

    13. Re:The question is ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      resale value!

    14. Re:The question is ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "there" spelled "their" fuckstick

    15. Re:The question is ... by antirename · · Score: 5, Funny

      Can do. Just post your name, social security number (US residents only please), address, next of kin, and your lawyer's name and we'll send a Vinnie right over with a branch chipper. Oh, you want to WAIT a while... Want the installment plan?

    16. Re:The question is ... by antirename · · Score: 2

      No, you probably have enough carbon in you... you'll just need to stand in front of a blowtorch for a few hours to get all the water out. Anybody know what the impurity is that makes diamonds blue?

    17. Re:The question is ... by Maggot75 · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Well, but let's see it from the other end. Wouldn't it creep you out if a widow you were dating told you that diamond necklace she always wears is really her late husband?

    18. Re:The question is ... by Com2Kid · · Score: 3, Funny

      yes, but wouldn't an evil villian want to have there enemys made into jewlery they can wear?

      I would perfer using them as a focus for my laser death beamy thing (which, always seem to, for whatever reason, require a huge diamond of some kind).

      Though with the carat requirements of most laser death thingies, I would likely need to get multiple arch enemies compressed into one uber diamond of death and destruction. . . .

    19. Re:The question is ... by ShadowBlasko · · Score: 2, Informative
      "Anybody know what the impurity is that makes diamonds blue?"

      Blue diamonds are not actually blue.

      The term "blue diamond" actually refers to a high level of fluorescence of the stone. This is a naturally occuring trait in some diamonds. Most dealers consider higher levels of fluorescence to be a negative trait. However, a high level of blue fluorescence, when viewed in sunlight can make a lower color grade (type k or lower, kinda yellowish looking) appear a brighter white in sunlight or full spectrum lighting. This can make a poor color diamond appear to be better than it really is, increasing its value in the publics eye (no pun intended).

      The other "blue" diamond is caused by a high temperature and pressure treatment system which can essentially cook poorer diamonds into looking like good ones. If you use a really poor color stone, you get color impurities after the treatment. This occasionally produces greenish, blue, and sometimes even pink diamonds. These are still considered "modified" diamonds and are usually detected by most decent labs.

      Damn, I never thought working in a armory/gothic/jewelry store would come in handy in *this* forum. =)

      --
      There are 4 boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order- Ed Howdershelt Via Tass
    20. Re:The question is ... by Corporate+Troll · · Score: 1

      Ehm... You care how much it will cost to bury/creamate/whatever yourself? Ehm, honestly... when I'm dead *that* will be the least of my worries.
      I want to be cremated too, much cleaner than burial. But getting turned into a diamond is not *that* expensive. Heck you don't get much nowadays for 4000$.

    21. Re:The question is ... by macdaddy357 · · Score: 1

      Now golddiggers can turn the rich husbands they have killed into what they married him for in the first place! It's sick! Sick sick sick!

      --
      How ya like dat?
    22. Re:The question is ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Sure you do. For $4000, you get a decent coffin.

    23. Re:The question is ... by ShavenYak · · Score: 3, Funny

      You forgot about the third kind of blue diamonds, found in Lucky Charms cereal.

      --

      Hey kids, there's only 5 days left 'til Yak Shaving Day!
    24. Re:The question is ... by gorilla · · Score: 2
      This occasionally produces greenish, blue, and sometimes even pink diamonds.

      Yellow is from Nitrogren, blue is from Boron. Green, red, pink and brown aren't caused by impurities - they're cause by irreguarlar crystal structure, which is why you're more likely to see them in modified diamonds.

    25. Re:The question is ... by Lag+Master · · Score: 1

      i wonder what kind of colors the thc in my body would make......

    26. Re:The question is ... by Proquar · · Score: 1

      Actually, I have already come to terms with being a low-grade diamond.

      Funny how many people want to shoot your ideas down in flames:
      Me: I want to be crushed into a diamond when I die.
      Someone Else: [snort] You'd be a low quality diamond...

      *sniff*

      --
      ---- *dog sitting next to a computer, with his beady eyes shifting left to right*
    27. Re:The question is ... by jasonbw · · Score: 1

      actually, yes. My grandfather's funeral cost about $5000 all total. More than half of that was on the coffin/vault/plot. I can't see spending that much money on my dead body. Besides, whatevers left over would go to my family, i'd rather them have the money.

  3. Does this mean that... by cliffy2000 · · Score: 5, Funny

    I can just dig up bodies and make diamonds out of them? Now I can actually make MONEY from my hobby!

    1. Re:Does this mean that... by JimmytheGeek · · Score: 5, Funny

      That would just turn it into work. Take my advice - just do it for the love, baby.

    2. Re:Does this mean that... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      If you are a open source company maybe this could be a great new business-model?

      1: Write free software.
      2: ?
      3: Make sure all programmers commits suicide because of income shortage.
      4: Make diamonds out of open source programmers.
      5: Profit!

    3. Re:Does this mean that... by spacefrog · · Score: 2

      Hmmmm

      Money and sexual stimulation

    4. Re:Does this mean that... by Suppafly · · Score: 2

      Not really considering its like 4 grand for a 1/4 caret "diamond" when normal cz diamonds are a fraction of that price.

    5. Re:Does this mean that... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      is there really a need for the un-known step 2 there?

    6. Re:Does this mean that... by Myco · · Score: 2
      Sure, otherwise it's not funny.

      Waitaminnit...

    7. Re:Does this mean that... by stonecypher · · Score: 1

      > is there really a need for the un-known step 2
      > there?

      Only if you want it to be a correct pop-culture reference.

      Step 1, steal underwear. Etc. Watch more South Park.

      --
      StoneCypher is Full of BS
  4. fp maybe? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    could this be a first post?

  5. definitely not first, by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    but my ass is so tasty!

    1. Re:definitely not first, by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "but my ass is so tasty!"

      Lately it seems all the homosexual encounter scenarios held within my mind during masturbation involve the activity known by the slang word "rim job". It's as though if I ever were to be with someone I thought truly good looking I would have to degrade myself with this activity performed for an overly long period of time.

  6. fp? by Squidgee · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    I think I gots the fp! =D

  7. Girls best friend? by joyoflinux · · Score: 5, Funny

    Are these diamonds still a girl's best friend?

    1. Re:Girls best friend? by geekoid · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yes , they can be a girls best friend, or her neighbor, or ex-boyfriend, etc...

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    2. Re:Girls best friend? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      If you use your dog, then would it be man's best friend too?

    3. Re:Girls best friend? by User+956 · · Score: 4, Insightful

      These diamonds are a girl's best friend. If it doesn't help perpetuate poverty and strife, it's not a real diamond. Just ask DeBeers.

      --
      The theory of relativity doesn't work right in Arkansas.
    4. Re:Girls best friend? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Given that they're made out of the formerly living, perhaps it would be better to say:

      "Diamonds are a Ghoul's Best Friend"...

    5. Re:Girls best friend? by BLiP2 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Although wouldn't the correct expression be, "Diamonds were a girl's best friend?"

      --
      Vote Technocratic! Government by killer robots!
    6. Re:Girls best friend? by Ilan+Volow · · Score: 5, Funny

      If I had a cut figure, was well rounded, and stayed hard for days, I'd be a girl's best friend too.

      --
      Ergonomica Auctorita Illico!
    7. Re:Girls best friend? by pediddle · · Score: 1

      days? or millenia?

    8. Re:Girls best friend? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Can hear it now...

      G/F: I want a diamond ring

      B/F: Over my dead body

      G/F: So be it

    9. Re:Girls best friend? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      s/diamond\./girl./g

  8. immortality by evacuate_the_bull · · Score: 1

    you know what they say, diamonds are forever. i can think of no better ticket to immortality...

    --
    Satanists get good grades too...suspiciously good grades
    1. Re:immortality by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

      Actually diamonds aren't forever, at least on the earth's surface. Created under immense pressure and heat, they are not stable at pressures present in the atmosphere. They degrade over time (albeit a long time).

    2. Re:immortality by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Until you forget your rin in a sauna battery =9

  9. thats sick by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Interesting

    thats just wrong....

    and who's idea was this?

    and how did they test it?

    ugh.

    leave dead people alone, don't wear them.

  10. Nothing beats a Frisbee by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Interesting

    That's what "Steady" Ed Headrick who recently died was doing. His ashes would be worked into memorial frisbees for his friends and family.

  11. dont buy diamonds buy moissanite by wyatt12 · · Score: 0

    diamonds suck. too darn expensive... buy moissanite and she will never know... i myself am getting frozen.

    long live the king!

  12. Widow band? by surfacearea · · Score: 1

    Could this lead to a post-marriage ring? Just don't drop it down the sink.

  13. In poor taste, but so is most diamond jewelry by JimmytheGeek · · Score: 1

    Talk about your heirlooms. Not just gramma's ring, but gramma herself!

  14. A new business-model for open source? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    1: Write free software.
    2: ?
    3: Programmer commits suicide because of income shortage.
    4: Make diamond out of open source programmer.
    5: Profit!

    1. Re:A new business-model for open source? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Don't you people have any gallow humor? :)

    2. Re:A new business-model for open source? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You insensitive bastard !!!!!

  15. A Girl's Best Friend? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    So, if your girlfriend has so worn you down with her demands for a ring that you want to kill yourself, you can get two for the price of one!

  16. Oh, this old thing? by paiute · · Score: 5, Funny

    Oh, this? It was my grandmother.

    You mean it was your grandmother's ring?

    No. It is my grandmother.

    --
    If Slashdot were chemistry it would look like this:Cadaverine
    1. Re:Oh, this old thing? by satanami69 · · Score: 1

      I think you just wrote the next http://www.penny-arcade.com/

      --
      I really hate Dan Patrick.
    2. Re:Oh, this old thing? by archen · · Score: 1

      I don't care how cool it looks, wearing your family tree on your hand is just wrong.

    3. Re:Oh, this old thing? by yatest5 · · Score: 1

      You mean it was your grandmother's ring?

      Well, some of it is my grandmothers ring...

      --
      • Mod parent up! [a] by Anonymous Coward (Score:5) Thurs, June 31, @13:37
  17. (not for easily offended) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1


    If Only Hitler would have known...

    1. Re:(not for easily offended) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Jewish jewlers to inspect the quality of the Jewish diamonds?

    2. Re:(not for easily offended) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You're running a fine line there boy. Be careful.

    3. Re:(not for easily offended) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      We all have freedom of speech, and if we don't respect one's freedom to express themself (assuming it does not infringe upon others' rights), then we become more like Afghanistan and less like America.

      This person's post does not infringe upon anyone's rights and we all equally have the right to ignore it and some have the right to mod it down. So there ;-).

      (your "fine line, boy" comment struck me as something a hick from Tennessee would say to an African American during the civil rights movement, but I digress ;-).

    4. Re:(not for easily offended) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      What would Hitler have wanted with more diamonds? He had lots...plus other jewellery, valuables, clothes, shoes, gold teeth, hair...and a quarter of my extended family...

  18. I guess its one way to be around forever by Christianfreak · · Score: 2

    So then I guess its theogists of the world can debate wheither one's soul stays inside.

    I wonder what the world looks like from inside a diamond? ... probably a little like looking through an ice cube.

    Okay I'll quit rambling now :)

    1. Re:I guess its one way to be around forever by canadian_right · · Score: 2

      Most people have kids who want a sort of immortality.

      --
      Anarchists never rule
  19. why wait?.. by napa1m · · Score: 1

    Why wait until you're dead? Just find an uptight friend willing to help out... to quote the great Ferris Bueller:

    "Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of
    coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond"

  20. jewlers or undertakers? by drycht · · Score: 5, Funny

    Now saying "You're a real gem" is a deaththreat, then?

    1. Re:jewlers or undertakers? by dattaway · · Score: 1, Flamebait

      A person has to be made into ashes before the carbon can be compressed into a little gem. I'd like not to burn in hell just to look nice.

    2. Re:jewlers or undertakers? by LobsterMagnet · · Score: 1

      Hell, hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahaha. Oh, excuse me, you were serious.

      --
      I will not be trained.
    3. Re:jewlers or undertakers? by tedDancin · · Score: 3, Funny

      Now saying "You're a real gem" is a deaththreat, then?

      This gives new meaning to "being wrapped around her little finger".

      --

      Ladies, form queue here -->
    4. Re:jewlers or undertakers? by Suppafly · · Score: 2

      What does hell have to do with cremation?

    5. Re:jewlers or undertakers? by blincoln · · Score: 0, Flamebait

      Some religions (or at least sects of those religions) believe that cremation is morally wrong.

      --
      "...always new atoms but always doing the same dance, remembering what the dance was yesterday." -Richard Feynman
    6. Re:jewlers or undertakers? by blincoln · · Score: 1

      Can someone tell me how explaining the reason that someone associated cremation with going to hell is considered flamebait?

      --
      "...always new atoms but always doing the same dance, remembering what the dance was yesterday." -Richard Feynman
    7. Re:jewlers or undertakers? by Anonymous+Cow+herd · · Score: 1

      Now that's comedy! *sigh*

      --
      Ita erat quando hic adveni.
  21. ooOOOoo... by Anonvmous+Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    ... I could finally sell my uncle's body on EBay...

  22. Good luck. by Whatsthiswhatsthis · · Score: 1

    Now your wife can keep you "wrapped around her finger" forever.

    Well, at least you didn't give her grandma's sentimental diamond engagement ring...you gave her grandma!

  23. What's Next by rbgaynor · · Score: 1

    Next thing you know they'll be molding people's ashes into frisbees...oh wait, nevermind

    --
    "Good things don't end with eum, they end with mania or teria." - H. Simpson
  24. But the real benefit... by M.C.+Hampster · · Score: 2, Interesting

    ...is the fact that in the future they will be able to reconstruct your entire body from the diamond.

    --
    Forget the whales - save the babies.
    1. Re:But the real benefit... by f0dder · · Score: 1

      i doubt any DNA will survive process.

    2. Re:But the real benefit... by qubit64 · · Score: 1

      And, even if they could, your memories and who you "are" will be lost.

      --
      "Save me jebus!" - Homer Simpson (btw, I'm probably talkin out of me arse)
    3. Re:But the real benefit... by hgh · · Score: 1

      heh, just break the diamond down and add water like the old batman movie... one drop *blam*, person.

  25. What would happen to ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    What about the bodies of con men, would they turn into Moissanites? :)

  26. Diamonds, eh? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    If they can make diamonds from organic matter, I'd love for someone to diamondize the burritos I had last night. They should be ready in, oh, about a half hour.

  27. I PREFER CRYOPRESERVATION by H-1B_visas_suck · · Score: 0

    AT ALCOR WWW.ALCOR.ORG

    --

    This post is protected under the DMTA (Digital Millemium Trolling Act). It is illegal to moderate it as a troll.

  28. Puts a twist on the old engagement ring. by MAXOMENOS · · Score: 5, Funny
    Now, instead of:

    This diamond was my grandmother's, and I would be honored if you wore it.

    Can 21st century women expect to hear:

    This diamond was my grandmother, and I would be honored if you wore it.
    ?
    1. Re:Puts a twist on the old engagement ring. by x136 · · Score: 3, Funny
      I think you mean:

      This diamond was my grandmother, and I would be honored if you wore her.
      --
      SIGFEH
  29. guidelines by abraxas · · Score: 5, Funny


    Remember the general guide of two months worth of bodies for an engagement ring.

    1. Re:guidelines by Stonehand · · Score: 2, Funny

      ...finally, the Mafia gets to compete with De Beers...

      "And this beaut we call the 'Jimmy Hoffa'."

      --
      Only the dead have seen the end of war.
    2. Re:guidelines by perfects · · Score: 1

      ...and remember the Five C's: Cut, Color, Clarity, Caret, and Cadaver.

      Typical Certificate: Pear, White, Flawless, 1.2, Grandma.

  30. Now DeBeers has nothing on us now... by ferrocene · · Score: 1

    What? This isn't an organic diamond? It's my grandmother you insensitive clod!

    Or, for the g/f: "I love you so much, I'd gave you my right arm. And then cremate it. And make a nice 1/4 carat."

    It's a good thing Hitler didn't have this technology, or we'd be worried about a whole lot more than Nazi gold. That's actually quite depressing...

    --
    Most folk'll never lose a toe, and then again some folk'll...
    1. Re:Now DeBeers has nothing on us now... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      There are easier ways to manufacture diamonds than out of a person's ashes.

      They're only worthless because all diamonds are worthless except for the monopolstic stranglehold on their supply

  31. Out with... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Out with
    "It was my mother's"
    and in with
    "It was my mother"

  32. Proposals... by unsinged+int · · Score: 1, Redundant

    Guy: Please marry me...this ring was my grandmother.
    Girl: Don't you mean it belonged to your grandmother?
    Guy: No. It really was my grandmother.

    Now wouldn't that be incredibly weird?

  33. Hrm... (RE:fp?) by Squidgee · · Score: 0
    Awww, I missed it. Guess Dialup is too slow to get a fp. Ohwell...hehe

    Hrm, I have to wonder about this. I mean, how would you like to wear your deceased loved one? Or, maybe more appropriatly, how would you like to be created into a rock? I'm not sure how this owuld go over with my family; I sure as heck wouldn't wish to wear my Mother/Father/Other Loved One's remains on a ring, pin, necklace, earring or other. It seems kind of morose...

    Though it is cool!

  34. Sounds as awful as most by ajs · · Score: 2

    Most all of the options sound really terrible. A friend of mine has researched this a lot, as he wants to have his remains treated naturally. There appears to be one option. There's a group in the central Atlantic states that was doing something with conservation land where you could be naturally buried (that is, no enbalmning, no concrete, no plastic in the casket, etc).

    I'll have to look up the info, but if I find it, I'll post it here.

    1. Re:Sounds as awful as most by geekoid · · Score: 2

      According to federal law, you do not have to be embalmed, and you can be burried in a wooden box.

      All morturies will swear this is not true, but if you research it, you can find the law.

      Unfortanatly, the person I know who did this researched died(ironically, in a way where his body was unrecoverable) so I don't have direct access to his research.

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    2. Re:Sounds as awful as most by _ph1ux_ · · Score: 2

      is that where your sig comes from then? look in the basement. sssshhhh.....

    3. Re:Sounds as awful as most by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Hey, if you become a muslim you will be buried naturally. And 1.6 billion people will make sure that happens, else they start Jihad against your burial company =)

    4. Re:Sounds as awful as most by Suppafly · · Score: 2

      It is true that you can have a natural burial, but there is a lot of criteria you must meet.. If I remember correctly, you cant be transported across state lines, you can't have had an infectious disease when you died, etc.

  35. leave dead people alone, don't wear them. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I'm gonna put that on a t-shirt!

    Or maybe... make a t-shirt from a dead person, and then put it on THAT.

    1. Re:leave dead people alone, don't wear them. by Skyshadow · · Score: 2
      Or maybe... make a t-shirt from a dead person, and then put it on THAT.

      Put the dog in the fuckin' basket!

      --
      Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
  36. Obligatory Simpsons quote by AntiNorm · · Score: 2

    From the episode where they travel to Africa and meet Dr. Jane Bushwell:

    *picture of Dr. Bushwell with handfuls of diamonds*
    "Everybody wants diamonds! Diamonds! Diamonds!"

    --

    I pledge allegiance to the flag...
    of the Corporate States of America...
  37. Now the tell us... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny


    Gee, I guess Ted Williams died too soon. Now we have such many and varied options for carcass disposal.

    I guess it's better than being turned into a lampshade.

  38. A Hindu Opinion about Cremation by DoomDoom · · Score: 1

    For Hindus , our quest is to attain 'Moksha' -- freedom from the cycle of life and death and be one with the universe. Therefore , I wouldn't want my mortal remains to be hanging around your neck -- even if you have just most gorgeous set of boobies as your big boobies will block my view of the universe!

    1. Re:A Hindu Opinion about Cremation by susano_otter · · Score: 2

      What's the purpose of being free of the cycle of life and death if you're still bound to your mortal remains? And if you are still bound to your mortal remains, how come you're not experiencing life from the fossilized remains of a 30,000 year old proto-lemur corpse or something?

      --

      Any sufficiently well-organized community is indistinguishable from Government.

    2. Re:A Hindu Opinion about Cremation by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      religions aren't that well thought out :P

    3. Re:A Hindu Opinion about Cremation by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You're right; the dude got it confused. Moksha is liberation from birth and re-birth and hence would necessarily involve release from our physical bodies.

      You shouldn't be too bothered as to how your body might end up.

  39. bleh. by LobsterMagnet · · Score: 2, Funny
    Sure that diamond will sure make a statement at your wife's next big dinner party, but if you REALLY want to be noticed, try wearing your dead husbands skina around for a while. Or have his eyeballs laminated and used as commemerative earings. I personally see no better way to honor the deceased than to flaunt them around as a diamond at social gatherings.

    One last thought, who else thinks that this will be Anna Nicole Smith's next move with the ashes of that old guy?

    --
    I will not be trained.
    1. Re:bleh. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      MOD PARENT UP.

      If Anna doesn't get the 84 million, she'll get another big rock!

    2. Re:bleh. by Tackhead · · Score: 4, Funny
      > One last thought, who else thinks that this will be Anna Nicole Smith's next move with the ashes of that old guy?

      If he eats lots of food, and if he weighs 800+ pounds when he dies, there might be enough carbon in him to make a dildo out of pure diamond!

      (Suggested epitaph: "She said she'd marry me for my money, but wouldn't put out until I could get it up and stay hard as a rock for at least an hour. Who's laughing now?")

    3. Re:bleh. by _ph1ux_ · · Score: 0, Offtopic

      wow we have 600K registered users now. and I thought 512K was enough for everybody.

    4. Re:bleh. by phriedom · · Score: 1

      Um, it might be a little bit late for him to be gaining any weight. (hint: but she will probably be able to afford getting him made into a diamond after the INHERITENCE dispute is finally through the appeals processes.)

      --
      Don't moderate flamebait as Troll. Know the difference or you will be Meta-moderated.
    5. Re:bleh. by jsse · · Score: 2

      (Suggested epitaph: "She said she'd marry me for my money, but wouldn't put out until I could get it up and stay hard as a rock for at least an hour. Who's laughing now?")

      That comes to my mind: can I make a particular part of my body diamond? No?

    6. Re:bleh. by parliboy · · Score: 2

      I'd imagine you can, but if you really are willing to subject your drill bit to that kind of pressure, you must be nuts...

      --
      "You're never ready, just less unprepared."
  40. Linux boxes compromised by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll
    Linux boxes compromised
    by THE_MESSENGER, Troll Staff Writer

    HELSINKI - It has just been learned that any Linux box with an unset "root" password in vulnerable to remote compromise, says Dick Johnson, Linux hacker and security analyst. "The attack is very simple," John reports. "Pretty much all you have to do is log in. Then you have complete control of the system." This security problem is believed to be caused by a fundamental flaw in the design of the UNIX family of operating systems, which is the model for the Linux kernel, a popular Cheap Software product. Johnson elaborates: "Those UNIX guys just didn't account for administrators who are too stupid to set root passwords."

    However, knowledge of this flaw fairly widespread within the Linux community. In fact, the only person known to be unaware of a password-less root account's grave implications is Timothy Gaybone, an "editor" for the popular Cheap Software news website "Slashdot.org." While Timothy is a hardcore Windows 98 user, the recent posting of an article detailing a similar security problem relating to Microsoft's SQL Server 2000 relational database product leads many analysts to believe that he is unaware of Linux's problem as well. DOJ crytoanalyst Harry Blotter guesses that Timothy's "reliance on Windows 98 is probably the root cause of his ignorance. After all, Windows 98 doesn't require login passwords."

    There are no reports of websites compromised by this latest Linux vulnerability, although many industry experts suspect that, oddly enough, Slashdot.org may have been breached years ago. "Rob Malda's personal workstation has probably been cracked -- his spell-checkers have been deleted," Dick Johnson explains.

  41. Don't worry, by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    before you get cremated, I'm going to dump several large loads of manspunk up your dead ass, so part of me will get diamonized along with your pathetic corpse. Then I'll play Hide-The-Diamond up your wife's ass.

  42. Don't rule this out by hamsterboy · · Score: 2, Insightful

    How many of us have friends who are wearing their grandmother's ring as their wedding band? I know a few. And how many of us keep their ancestors in urns on a shelf in their house? I know a few. This company is just taking it to the next level.

    If it weren't for the outrageous prices (which are bound to come down), and the fact that I'm only 23, I'd be interested myself. Look for this company to be big as the synthetic-diamond industry becomes mainstream.

    -- Hamster

  43. That's absolutely disgusting. by digitalsushi · · Score: 2

    That's absolutely disgusting. Course, I've been diagnosed with a serious case of tact.

    --
    slashdot: where everyone yells sarcastic metaphors to themselves to understand the issue
    1. Re:That's absolutely disgusting. by geekoid · · Score: 2

      What does this have to do with how you deal with others?
      as a matter of fact, calling something somebody does disgusting, is a lack of tact.

      perhaps you meant 'Class', or perhaps respect for the dead?

      --
      The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
    2. Re:That's absolutely disgusting. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      tact

      a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense

    3. Re:That's absolutely disgusting. by digitalsushi · · Score: 2
      What does this have to do with how you deal with others?


      *cough* The wearing them part.

      --
      slashdot: where everyone yells sarcastic metaphors to themselves to understand the issue
    4. Re:That's absolutely disgusting. by digitalsushi · · Score: 2

      nah, i'm just ribbing you. you are correct, class it a much better word.

      --
      slashdot: where everyone yells sarcastic metaphors to themselves to understand the issue
  44. OK, one last "grandmother's diamond" joke... by Rude+Turnip · · Score: 1

    Hey, at the funeral, the family heroin addict will now not only be able to steal the ring off of grandma's finger and sell it, he can steal grandma altogether and sell her!

    "What'll you give me for the old lady? $200...sold!"

  45. That would be plain creepy. by JojoCoco · · Score: 1

    Having a relative on a mantel is one thing, but around your neck??? I would just be too creeped out if I knew the person I was wearing, and would they really want to be degraded to a piece of jewlery ?

    1. Re:That would be plain creepy. by KillerCow · · Score: 1

      and would they really want to be degraded to a piece of jewlery ?

      As opposed to a pile of ash, a rotting corpse, or a frozen head? I don't think that it matters what happens to our bodies once we leave them.

      It wouldn't bother me if I were turned into jewlery... although I don't know if I'd want to be associated with that whole diamond evil empire.

  46. curses! by _ph1ux_ · · Score: 2

    and if you thought some diamonds carried curses before!

    1. Re:curses! by digitalsushi · · Score: 2
      no kidding. that reminds me... and here's a head scratcher.


      ebay wont let you sell body parts after some guy sold a kidney back a couple years ago. ..whats different about this?

      --
      slashdot: where everyone yells sarcastic metaphors to themselves to understand the issue
  47. First GSP by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll
    Wow. When you see an article like this, it makes you glad to be alive in an era when such technology exists. My question is, how do think this will affect the Open Source community?

    This Generic Slashdot Post was brought to you by The_Messenger

  48. Slaughterhouse leftovers by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Does this mean we can rid the world of hot dogs and hamburgers and use slaughterhouse leftovers for diamonds instead?

    Just think of all the thin, handsome people all dressed up in jewelry. And no ugly Jack-in-the-box in sight.

    Wow.

  49. Better watch out by ELCarlsson · · Score: 1

    Great, not only will my wife get my life insurance and all that's in the bank when I die, she'll get a diamond too. Not good.

  50. boycott! by _ph1ux_ · · Score: 2

    I thought we wernt sposed to give into the tradition. now not only do you want us to get diamonds for our fiance's to be - you want us to turn our loved ones into engagement rings!

    at least these people arent using slave labor and children. just dead family members.

    I for one would not wear any of these... spooky.

    1. Re:boycott! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why is it spooky? You're body's just another asset, and if it can be turned into a precious stone after you no longer use it, that sounds great to me.

  51. An Open Letter to Miguel de Icazza by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll
    Senor Miguel de Icazza
    5420 Taco Caliente Street
    Los Enchiladas, Mexico 23098

    Dear Miguel,

    Please go back to Mexico.

    Please take your shitty window manager with you, and never come north of the border again.

    GNOME is a shameless Windows-ripoff, which proves how lazy you people really are. GNOME is not only nauseating, but it stinks like a sweaty Mexican, and is vaguely Satanic as well. We have much better Unix windowing interfaces already. We have CDE, a testament to All-American corporate strength and solidarity. We have KDE, created by a band of Europeans who celebrate their Aryan pride by killing Jewish babies. We have several NeXTstep clones. We have FVWM, which is pretty lame, but is still better than GNOME. GNOME is poo. It is as much poo as Red Hat, and Red Hat is some real poo. GNOME is a slow, ugly, poorly-programmed Mexican RAM-hog. And poo.

    I know that you designed GNOME with the intention of using it to subvert American intelligence and innovation. I have decyphered the clever Mexian encryption used in GNOME's name to discover its true meaning: Go North Of MExico. Yes, you sent GNOME to the rich north in order to weaken the free Unix movement, and you have succeeded. But now that your plot is discovered, you will skulk back to your filthy third-world country in shame. Ha ha!

    So please go back to your magical burrito country and have a tequila and pass out drunk underneath a mule. A farting mule. A farting mule, who despite his farts which stink like month-dead roadkill, is not as offensive as your terrible window manager. Go back to Mexico, and receive training in a more traditional Mexican occupation, such as "hotel clean-up lady" or "criminal". Dance the wicked flamenco and then have a siesta!

    Thank you. Or, as you would say, gracias!

    Hasta la vista,
    The_Messenger

  52. "I see dead people" by Xeriar · · Score: 1

    "I wear dead people" ... Not sure if this is a threat, or what...

  53. Huh ? by SteveAstro · · Score: 1

    Where is all the carbon coming from ? I thought the remaining ash had no carbon left, you've been BURNT remember, the carbon has combined with oxygen and F%^&ed off up the chimney....

    Steve

    1. Re:Huh ? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      the carbon comes from the carbon they add to the ashes during the "vacuum cleaning" part of the process.
      on the other hand, 16 weeks is more than enough to swap the ashes with a diamond (which is probably cheaper than corpse-created one)

    2. Re:Huh ? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Hey guys, Steve is right!! After you've been
      cremated you're basically a pile of rock dust,
      not graphite.

      Cremains work pretty good as an addition to
      stoneware clay... and in higher percentages
      will make a dandy glaze.

      Much more sensible to have yourself made into
      a large mug with a cheery saying on the side.

    3. Re:Huh ? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "I drink coffee out of my dead wifes body"

    4. Re:Huh ? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      after perusing the lame web page carefully,
      I see they have some magical way of cremating
      you so that all your carbon is somehow collected
      by them...

      This is just so much bullshit.

  54. More fucking diamond stories. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Hey, let's change the name of this webpage to Diamonddot, or Slashdiamond. And with the tag line "diamond stories for nerds. stuff that diamonds." Jesus, enough fucking diamond stories.

    1. Re:More fucking diamond stories. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Yeah, that's, what, 2 whole diamond stories in 2002 alone? Out of how many stories? Man you're right. This place is turning into a fucking diamond-lover's paradise. I miss the old days, when we talked about coyright infringement, broadband, and sex.com.

  55. how to protect against fraud? by tstoneman · · Score: 5, Insightful

    At $22,000 per carat, you could just go out and buy a 1 ct diamond for $7000 and say it's your dearly departed, and make an instant $15,000. Since you can't do DNA analysis to determine if the diamond is actually the person, what's to stop them from just doing that???

    1. Re:how to protect against fraud? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      lazer encode the diamond with a hexadecimal string representing their dna. assuming you could get it _THAT_ small.

    2. Re:how to protect against fraud? by einhverfr · · Score: 2

      Nah, just an MD5 checksum would do. Why waste space?

      --

      LedgerSMB: Open source Accounting/ERP
    3. Re:how to protect against fraud? by charon_on_acheron · · Score: 1

      Well, if you're going to cheat, don't buy a natural diamond. Get Cubic Zirconia.

      And since this process would be making a fake diamond anyway, cz would probably be the better choice over natural anyway.

    4. Re:how to protect against fraud? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Informative
      From their website FAQ:

      Is the LifeGem made from remains or ashes? The proprietary LifeGem creation process creates diamonds from the true essence of our loved ones, the carbon. Our families receive the ashes as all others do when choosing cremation, except our families also receive a certified, high-quality LifeGem created diamond to memorialize their loved one's unique and wonderful life.

      Read carefully, that says that 1.) the "true essence" of granny is carbon (not that the Lifegem is granny's carbon; 2.) You get the cremation ashes (granny's still in the bottle); AND, 3.) you get a diamond and some certificate to "memorialize" granny.

      No fraud if you're up front about it right? So ..., I have an ashtray here that's full, some cigarette butts that "memorialize" granny's smoking habit, and for ONLY $1500 US (2 minimum), I'll send them to you and include an authenticating certificate that it's the "essence" of granny's butt.

    5. Re:how to protect against fraud? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

      At $22,000 per carat, you could just go out and buy a 1 ct diamond for $7000 and say it's your dearly departed, and make an instant $15,000. Since you can't do DNA analysis to determine if the diamond is actually the person, what's to stop them from just doing that???

      I don't think you'll find a "natural" colored fancy diamond of near perfect quality for anywhere near $7000. Try $70,000. That's why DeBeers has begun directing jewelers to push the "every diamond is unique" message to anyone who compares them to manufactured diamonds or high quality CZ substitutes.

      (Not that I'd ever want to find a fancy colored diamond for $7000, or even $700... I personally can't bring myself to view colored sparkly stones as a precious luxury.)

    6. Re:how to protect against fraud? by uptownguy · · Score: 1

      Someone needs to mod this guy up. He is absolutely 100% right! Heheh -- they are just making a killing (pardon the pun) from highly overpriced manufactured diamonds... not actually made FROM the loved ones at ALL!

      --


      I would have to say that explosives are the most abused technology in all of history.
    7. Re:how to protect against fraud? by Artifex · · Score: 2

      Since you can't do DNA analysis to determine if the diamond is actually the person, what's to stop them from just doing that???

      Well, there's the fact that probably every diamond that large is documented and etched, etc., etc.
      You wouldn't have any kind of etching on a "man-made" diamond, at least not one that points to DeBeers.

      --
      Get off my launchpad!
    8. Re:how to protect against fraud? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Absolutely!

      A guy in our area who was supposed to be cremating bodies took the cash & stacked the bodies up on his farm. It took a year before anyone found out about it.

  56. yes! by dotslashdotdot · · Score: 1

    I want to be a diamond when I grow up.

    --
    It is now time to flip off your computer.
  57. imagine the memo by negativethirsty · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    the first time this was ever talked about?

    walk into your boss' office...."now this is gunna sound a lil weird"

    --

    thirsty*i^2

    "Ya I finished that last week, it just doesn't work"
  58. Selling Macs to the innocent children of Maine? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    That's a dirty trick, selling your cheap Apple toys to young kids who don't know any better. Let me guess: you even convinced them that iBooks were computers, right? Those poor, damned youngsters. I don't want to see the looks on their sweet young faces when they go out into the Real World and discover that employers expect people to know how to use Windows.

    Why, it ought to be a crime to give Macs to impressionable kids. It's like giving them heroin... both heroin and Macs are overpriced trash used by the dregs of society, degenerates who mask their inadequacies under the guise of artistic personality. Why, I'll show you where heroin and an artistic personality will get you: dead. Just look at Kurt Cobain. Oops, you probably shouldn't have looked at that, he isn't too pretty without a head.

    But I digress. The fact is that giving Macintoshes to kids is just wrong. You'll set their technological development back by fuckin' years. I mean, come on... it's a Mac, for Jobs sake. What are these fuckin' jackbooted government thugs trying to do to our children, buying them Macs? I'll tell you what they want. They want these kids in on the Cult. You know, the Crapintrash True Believers. Those loonies refuse to use real computers, all blabberin' on about the sanctity of Jobs' user interface -- but they can't seem to find jobs, get it? They're all useless bums and criminals. I don't know why we taxpayers should fund the next generation of dirty Mac users, suckin' welfare off the government teat while moaning about FireWire and AltiVec. I mean, come on.

    I don't have anything against givin' kids toys, and a Mac is a fine toy for a little girl, or a boy whom you suspect of being queer. But tellin' these kids that these toys are computers? Why, that's an abomination! I suppose next you'll be tellin' them that Power Wheels are just the same as real automobiles, and we'll have kids gettin' run over on the highway! Tell me, people, do you want your children being run over on the highway of life?

    A Mac is a fine toy, see, but I recommend buying your young ones GameCubes instead. Both Macs and GameCubes are multicolored plastic toys designed for the underdeveloped mind, but at least a GameCube doesn't have all the fuckin' stigma of a Mac. You want your kids being part of the weak leftist politicians, subversive wannabe artists, and child molesters that make up the Apple community? Fine. But don't spend my tax dollars doing it, you fucking communists.

    I don't expect much sympathy from you Linux folks. You're just as much wannabe-commies and hypocritical Windows-bashers as the Mac crowd, but you can't even afford decent hardware. I intend to prove that each and every one of you is a terrorist, like Anand lal Shimpi. What with all the talk of stealing copyrighted material, violating contractual license agreements, and the like on this sorry excuse for a weblog, I wouldn't be surprised if Osama bin Laden himself is holed up at the Geek Compound. Probably taking advantage of Malda's loose asshole and installing PGP from the Red Hat Power Tools CD, so that he can further injure the American republic. You're going down, Slashdot!

    -- The_Messenger

    1. Re:Selling Macs to the innocent children of Maine? by LobsterMagnet · · Score: 0, Offtopic
      Importsnt Stuff:

      Please try to keep posts on topic.

      Try to reply to other peoples comments instead of starting new threads.

      Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about.

      Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated.

      Not to be rude, but shouldnt there be a better filter on this site, one to filter out all the jackasses, hypocrites, and uninformed uneducated plebians from posting anything?

      --
      I will not be trained.
    2. Re:Selling Macs to the innocent children of Maine? by The_Messenger · · Score: -1

      I guess they don't have tags on Macs.

      --

      --
      I like to watch.

    3. Re:Selling Macs to the innocent children of Maine? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You FUCKING moron. STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH SLASHDOT WITH YOUR STUPID POSTS. Open-source software CAN and WILL succeed. This is a world where everybody just needs _support_. I mean, come on! If you build a computer from scratch, it costs a lot less. Where's the difference? Sure, the manufacturer takes some, but you THEY NEED TO PROVIDE SUPPORT FOR THE CUSTOMER.

      Let's take Microsoft (gah!) Windows XP for an example. The Retail version of Windows XP Professional costs what, $200? Meanwhile, if you buy the OEM version (which is just the same product, but w/o support), you pay $100. That's $100 of your "Windows XP" being support.

      Open-source software companies can and WILL succeed in this way, providing SERVICES and SUPPORT.

      Wish I didn't have to post this anonymously, but had to vent out for first two lines. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU . [octalc0de out]

  59. Looking out over my backyard by kensai · · Score: 1

    I'm freakin' rich!!!!

  60. This puts a whole new light by JeanPaulBob · · Score: 1

    This puts a whole new light on waiting to get the ring from Mother.

  61. I am a penis eating faggot! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    When I was a young boy, I awoke every morning to the delicious smell of penis. My father and his boyfriend's vegetarian health store contained within it a hot griddle perfect for making penis, anus, and a multitude of other stinky snacks. I remember them well -- The pleasant, care-free days of my childhood in the dojo were often spent peering into the kitchen with eager anticipation as my father prepared penis my family.

    As I grew older, and began my journey to homosexual enlightenment, the memories of my penis-eating youth filled my heart and dreams with warm, fluffy goodness....Ahhh, yes..the sweet, sweet memories... The day I ate 10 penises... The day I placed a warm penis between my fleshy loins and performed the forbidden dance... The day pressed a penis to my buttocks and encouraged my dog to come eat.. Indeed, much of my childhood was spent in pure innocence -- An innocence only penis can provide. It was heaven. A heaven, filled with penis, where I sat at the throne of God, with my hand-maidens Rob Malda and Jeff Bates seated beside me. An indestructible triumvirate made of flesh, blood, semen, and love.

    By the age of 15, the path of my life became unclear and confusing. Torn between my duty my health club and my love for penis, I foolishly left home in search of karaguchi ah-nowakadesu..The ultimate penis. My journey took me to the many streets of LA, many days away from the health club. My hunger for penis became my teacher, and foolishly I let it control the path that I fucked upon. My mouth, sore from sucking, ached as my heart and stomach did, until I came to a realization. My duty was clear. I needed to take a stand and accept my love for the art of vegetarian cuisine AND my love for penis. It was not wrong for me to love both. I love one as a dear friend, and one as a lover. Yes--My mission was clear--I must become a faggot, a secret pervert hired by Sarcasta BUT I MUST ALSO ENJOY THE OCCASIONAL penis.

    My adoration for genetalia has placed me within an awkward position. Many faggots refuse to recognize me as their brother. I defend my father's land, but I am looked upon as weak and undisciplined. I tell them, "But, brothers! Listen to my plea! The penises do not weaken me, nor do they make me disobey the rule of my vegeables. They fill me with love." But alas, they do not understand...For the mind of a faggot is complex.

    My only earthly desire is to be accepted for who I am. Yes, I am a FAGGOT--But I also enjoy penis. Will you accept me? If you were approached by a faggot who requested a penis, would you submit to his will?

    - A Penis-Eatin' Faggot

  62. Call Dictionary.com by Treeluvinhippy · · Score: 5, Funny

    We have a new meaning for the term "Family Jewels".

    --
    >
    1. Re:Call Dictionary.com by _ph1ux_ · · Score: 2, Funny

      GAH!!! CALL THE COPS!! Someone has gone and stoled PA!!!

    2. Re:Call Dictionary.com by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      this isnt offtopic you crazy moderators...

    3. Re:Call Dictionary.com by stuffman64 · · Score: 2

      If you don't get the joke, don't mod down. There is nothing offtopic about the parent comment.

      That said, this is a pretty interesting concept. In countries like Japan, 99% of the population is cremated, and it is proper to have a shrine dedicated to the remains (depending on your religious beliefs). I even remember seeing something on TV about a computerized public shrine system in which the family members insert a smart card or whatever, and a robotic system fetches the urn containing the remains and places it in the shrine. It all happens seamlessly behind the scenes. Since they usually don't discard the remains (i.e., dump them on trees or whatever), storing the remains can become a problem. If you just decided to keep a diamond, you would save quite a bit of space over a traditional urn.

      I wonder if they have this service for pets. I have a dog who coincidentally, is named Diamond. I can make a real diamond out of a Diamond. Hmm...

      --
      --- At my sig, unleash hell.
  63. How awesome is that by snakecoder · · Score: 1

    In a couple hundred years to see your great great great grandmother as a diamond along with a little blurb about her. You can actually touch your past. You're entire family tree could be locked away in a jewlery box.

    --
    -Nuke the moon
    1. Re:How awesome is that by Bob+McCown · · Score: 1
      You're entire family tree could be locked away in a jewlery box

      As opposed to the home where they're locked up now?

  64. Everyone is thinking in terms of jewelry. by immanis · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Maybe it only happens in the movies, but I can't imagine the horror of spilling someone's ashes. This seems to me to be a very clean way to avoid that potential problem.

    I would imagine that most people would put them in extremely nice display cases, rather than having them put into rings and pendants.

    A nice thought, but it would instantly make your house a target for theft. I predict the rebirth of the cat burglar.

    And on a only loosely related note, how much would this service cost for a pet?

    1. Re:Everyone is thinking in terms of jewelry. by johnstown · · Score: 1

      My uncle is a bush pilot in Alaska. He takes this guy up every now and then who is comissioned to dump people's ashes over particular parts of the desolate wastes. In stead of dumping them where folks wanted to be dumped, he just tosses all the cremains out at the first stop. Once a bag broke open in the plane. Took them a while to clean up my uncle's plane. Har!

    2. Re:Everyone is thinking in terms of jewelry. by charon_on_acheron · · Score: 1

      If I ever have a family member's ashes scattered over Alaskan wildernes, remind me to rent a plane of my own, and do it myself.

      Or, rent a WWII fighter with full ammo load, and follow the chartered plane, just to make sure they dump the ashes where I said to. If they dump them early, their own ashes will accompany them.

    3. Re:Everyone is thinking in terms of jewelry. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Bullshit.

      By the way, it is illegal to dump anything from a plane without a permit, and you can't get a permit for human remains.

      Your 'Uncle' could lose his pilots license if true.

    4. Re:Everyone is thinking in terms of jewelry. by GigsVT · · Score: 1

      So I guess all crop dusters have special permits? What about sky writers?

      I call bullshit on YOU.

      --
      I've had enough abrasive sigs. Kittens are cute and fuzzy.
    5. Re:Everyone is thinking in terms of jewelry. by PyroMosh · · Score: 1

      No it's not, I have the FARs right in front of me. They cover this very subject. And I quote:

      "Dropping objects.

      No pilot in command of a civil aircraft may allow any object to be dropped from that aircraft in flight that creates a hazard to persons or property. However, this section does not prohibit the dropping of any object if reasonable precautions are taken to avoid injury or damage to persons or property."

      - FAR Sec. 91.15

      Or, here's a link.

      And just for clarification, "civil aircraft" or civil aviation covers everything in the US that's not military aviation. Private, commercial, recreational, whatever.

  65. Hollywood will never be the same... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This gives new meaning to the phrase "Who are you wearing?"

  66. Carbon by rigelstar · · Score: 1

    Hell, you could use bananas if you wanted to. Anything with made of carbon can be used for that matter. All you need is high temperature and very high pressure. Well if you could harness the heat of the sun then that would do but here on earth we need to use lots of pressure to create diamond.

    1. Re:Carbon by gerf · · Score: 1

      Hell, you could use bananas if you wanted to. Anything with made of carbon can be used for that matter. All you need is high temperature and very high pressure. Well if you could harness the heat of the sun then that would do but here on earth we need to use lots of pressure to create diamond

      They had some show on Discovery or whatnot about this. Basically, anything mostly carbon based can be used to make diamonds. My god, they demonstrated peanut butter. Hmmm... peanut butter. bananas. sounds like Elvis's famous sandwich.

      I wonder though, how many impurities are in us? If natural diamonds have impurities, they become colored, and actually more valuable. any idea how much iron it'd take to get a red diamond?

    2. Re:Carbon by AtariEric · · Score: 1

      For that matter, you could use the umpteen million pounds (or kg) of trash filling up the U.S.A.'s landfills. Plenty of pre-diamonds there. The only challenge is balancing the cost of diamond creation with the cost of new landfills.

      Of course, at the bottom, where the pressure's highest, you may already have real diamonds...

      --
      Don't trust any concentration of power.
    3. Re:Carbon by charon_on_acheron · · Score: 1

      Usually, there's just methane down there. But that is being pumped out and sold for profit. I wonder if they thought of that when they started the landfills, or if someone in the 80's just had a sudden revelation.

  67. Excuse me, sir, do you have any UrinalPoop[tm]? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll
    Do you have photographic images of solid fecal matter resting serenely on top of a minty-fresh cake in a men's public restroom urinal? Help a brother out!

    KKK
    aal
    pru
    pmb
    ea
    d

  68. Haiku! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll
    His ass leaks semen,
    Proving the obvious fact:
    Timothy is gay.
    http://www.geocities.com/trolltuesday2k1/
  69. yes by mnmn · · Score: 1

    A diamond is a girl's best friend.

    becomes...

    That diamond was the girls best friend.

    You could even argue with vampire wannabes:
    But a diamond is forever!

    Or you could convert a "hard on" to the hardest substance known. I wonder if the nerves will be preserved.

    So having a fat mother can be beneficial now.

    Arent graveyard keepers running on the streets celebrating now?

    What did the lady say to the diamond as she was wearing it? "up yours"

    --
    "Give orange me give eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me you." -Nim Chimpsky
  70. disgusting by rodan88 · · Score: -1, Troll

    This shows just how ridiculous the current left-wing world has become. Total disregard for human life and the human body. The human body was created as a temple for the soul, created in the image of God. Now it is reduced to this.

    1. Re:disgusting by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Humans were created in the image of god?

      on average, god must be one fat loser.

    2. Re:disgusting by ndpatel · · Score: 1

      you really have no idea how unintentionally funny that is, do you?

      now it is reduced to this...(wait for it)...diamond.

      and the audience goes wild!

      you know why it seems like most radio/tv pundits are righty-tightys? because the left is too busy laughing at how stupid you guys sound to mount any sort of response.

      challenge (and i know there's an answer): name one right wing comedian. there's got to be at least one. and dubya doesn't count.

      --
      london is drowning and i live by river
    3. Re:disgusting by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      If god really existed, would he let this happen? Just another example of science producing results while the spooky invisible father figure ceases to exist.

      Where's your precious soul now?

    4. Re:disgusting by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      This shows just how ridiculous the current left-wing world has become. Total disregard for human life and the human body.

      I think you mean human death. If the person wasn't dead before the cremation, he's certainly dead after it, long before the 'diamond process' starts.

      The human body was created as a temple for the soul, created in the image of God.

      Exactly. And that's why when the soul ascends to heaven, the body dissolves into a fragrant, sweet smelling mist, proof of Divine Plan.


      After all, if there wasn't such a Plan, it might just sit there and rot. And ooze pus. And smell bad. And get eaten by worms and maggots, looking generally disgusting, until someone buries it deep underground, or burns it so that it doesn't make the rest of the people around it sick.


      Oh, wait, the body does rot!?! But it's a temple to God! Strange, that. Well, wonderous are the works of God, and beyond the mind of Man to fathom. If He exists, that is.


      Now it is reduced to this.
      A pretty looking rock instead of a rotting corpse. Well, I guess for some people it's a tough choice. Me, I wouldn't want either -- I know my friend's dead. Thinking about the body is just morbid, really.
      --
      AC

      "Bored enough to answer religious trolls."

    5. Re:disgusting by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      Jeff Allen



      No, not Tim, Jeff.

    6. Re:disgusting by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You are either ignorant or a troll. This is a right-wing thing, this is true capitalism without any sense of moral. The right-wing people maybe are running around and scream I belive in Jesus as heedens they are as to give God companions. They have no moral or ethics, and say God has nothing to say when it comes to making money.

      So, you right-wing nazi facist wanna-be die-hard-lame-heeden stop trolling or stop being an ignorant fuck.

  71. A new law for the books by rockwood · · Score: 1
    With all the recent misuse to laws, or better stated "the loop holes". I am sure that this will also open an entire new onslaught of people using this to fill pathetic suits.

    After the body has been made into a diamond what happens when
    You are mugged? ... Is this kidnapping?
    What if you leave your diamond lying on the bathroom floor?? .. Is this inappropriate treatment of a corpse?
    What if you are wearing a diamond ring and engage in vaginal foreplay while wearing it?? .. Could you be arrested and charged as a necrophiliac(sp)?

    On the flip side.. this gives man a whole new meaning to "Protecting the family jewels" :)

    --
    Never try to beat a professional at his own game!
  72. What am I? by littleRedFriend · · Score: 1

    Each day that passes, millions of cells die and millions of new cells are formed within my body; my cellular arrangement is not the same it was yesterday. They synthesize and degrade proteins, absorb and expel molecules, etc. The molecular/atomic composition of my body changes continually. Like a river never has the same water, the body and the brain are not static, they are constantly changing.

    IOW, the carbon atoms in the diamond, have probably only been incorporated into the body of the diseased person, the last one or two - often miserable - months of his/her life. Do you really want to remember that?

    C'mon this is ridiculous. You'd rather remember someone's face, good times, memories. Not the material the person happened to made of. You might as well turn yesterdays garbage into a diamond.

    --
    IANAL, but imagine a beowulf cluster of in Soviet Russia all your belong are base to us welcoming the new SCO overlords.
    1. Re:What am I? by Grishnakh · · Score: 2

      I disagree with this. Sure, there are some things that are exchanged with the environment on a constant basis (namely water and salt), but I imagine most of the carbon in your body has been there for a very long time. For instance, bone cells don't die and get replaced very quickly, so all the carbon in those probably stays locked up for most of your life. And even though other cells do die (though this is mostly blood cells; neurons and muscle cells stay static throughout your adult life), they're simply recycled by the body, not ejected as waste. Your body isn't as dynamic as you think.

    2. Re:What am I? by littleRedFriend · · Score: 1

      Well, sorry you disagreeing doesn't mean you're correct.

      Every time I eat and take a dump the day after, something new has come in and something old has gone out. Everytime I breath O2 comes in and more CO2 (C as in carbon) goes out than came in.

      It doesn't have to with cells, not dying. They actively maintain themselves, replacing proteins (made of amino acids, mostly carbon-based). I'm sorry you are not the same carbon atoms you were two months ago.

      Eating radioactive C isotopes, for example, is not a good idea. They will be incorporated throughout your entire body in a matter of hours. Would be funny to do some calculations on carbon flux in the human body.

      --
      IANAL, but imagine a beowulf cluster of in Soviet Russia all your belong are base to us welcoming the new SCO overlords.
  73. finally, financial independence. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I knew there was a reason i was collecting all those dead squirrels.

  74. Most of you are forgetting... by ungulation · · Score: 2, Interesting

    It will take money (most likely large quantities of it) to turn that person into a diamond. Therefore, you wouldn't be able to become extremely rich by, say, digging up graves and turning the bodies into jewlery.

  75. This fucken rules. by Tom7 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    This is great. Do you think if I collect enough of my body tissue and hair and stuff that I can get one of these made while I'm alive?

    1. Re:This fucken rules. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I would not call anything left you to be yours. Becouse its back in the eco system of athoms. And as long as you exist and they are in your body they are for loan.

      When you take a dead corpse and use this corpse carbon athoms to make a diamond you could as easily say its a ex-dinasour, ex-mix of 101011 humans, 12 dinasours, and ex whatever.

    2. Re:This fucken rules. by ShooterNeo · · Score: 1

      Easily. Carbon is the main ingredient for all your tissue. Heck, you'd easily have enough carbon just by collecting your shit or your hair.

    3. Re:This fucken rules. by the+cleaner · · Score: 1

      you would at least have to give "an arm and a leg" for these....

      --
      Could be worse. Could be raining.
    4. Re:This fucken rules. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Collect all your boogers earwax and tonenail cheese (and groin cheese if you have it)

  76. all-linux rendering shop -- and free software?? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic
    Wow, not only will the Terminator 3 team use an all-Linux render farm for generating special effects and CG animations, but there's a rumor on the ILM IRC channel that custom graphics software is being developed using the GPL. Who says that Open Source isn't viable for business? :-)

    -- The_Messenger

  77. Pets? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0


    assuming that any carbon life form can be used, would they do pets?

    1. Re:Pets? by RebelTycoon · · Score: 1

      Yes! waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... [SUBMIT]

    2. Re:Pets? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why not, already seen freeze-dried pets on the mantle.

  78. The true measure of a diamond by nfras · · Score: 5, Funny

    Remember to look for Cut, Clarity, Color, Carat and Corpse.

    --
    You call me a pedant? I prefer the term "correct"
  79. Pathetic by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll
    Wow. it's sad that Cheap Software dorks are desperate enough to write fake news stories in which "Santa" adopts Open Sores software at "the North Pole." I mean, I can understand your desire to escape the real world, a world in which Linux can't beat Windows for ease-of-use and popular appeal, can't beat MacOS for multimedia, and can't beat UNIX for power and reliability. But causing others to doubt your sanity isn't going to help your lame little cause.

    This must be a difficult time of year for Cheap Software bigots. Those of you who aren't naive college students have no money to buy gifts, and surely no gifts will be given to the hostile, irritable, unhygienic "developers" (ha!) whom we have to thank for such monuments of shit as Mozilla and SourceForge. I'd be sad, too, having to watch highly-paid Closed Source developers stroll down the street, arms laden with expensive gifts, surrounded by beautiful women.

    And speaking of women, I just remembered that Valentine's Day is only two months away! You think that you'll be able to find a girlfriend by then, hog? Or will you spend another year cold and alone, trying to convince yourself that playing Counter-Strike with 15-year-old illiterates is really better than hot, greasy sex?

    Perhaps you should look to homosexuality, the traditional sexual outlet of the Cheap Software "developer." Sure, it may hurt a bit, and your ass may leak blood and semen for 72 hours afterward, but anything is better than being alone on Christmas... isn't it?

    Anyway, as I was saying, if making up fairy tales about Santa and Linux helps you survive another holiday season, fine. But it isn't helping your cause, and it isn't improving the real world's outlook on Cheap Software. Why not get some exercise, take a shower, put on some nice clothes, buy (or steal) some expensive chocolates and wine, walk down to your nearest singles bar, and... slit your wrists in the bathroom? Thanks!

    -- The_Messenger

  80. Why do you think they call it dopant? by dotslashdotdot · · Score: 1

    Hmmm. What does that part of me do that is not carbon when a diamond is formed from my remains. Semiconductors are much more interesting than pure silicon crystals because of what the dopants do. As an impure diamond, I might be a really ass kicking processor.

    Overclock me for eternity.

    --
    It is now time to flip off your computer.
  81. Didn't Steve Jobbs come up with this by MountainLogic · · Score: 2

    Didn't Apple include some form of carbonization in Mac OS X ??

    1. Re:Didn't Steve Jobbs come up with this by RebelTycoon · · Score: 1

      Probably!

      waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... [SUBMIT}

  82. Shut it all down. by The_Messenger · · Score: -1
    Can we lay off the VA Linux^H^H^H^H^HSoftware advertising? Source Forge is lame. Not one siginificant project is hosted there. If Source Forge disappeared tommorrow -- a distinct possibility, I mean if Larry Augustin can't afford to fix the brakes on his 1986 Fury, I'm sure that keeping the Forge online isn't a priority -- the [real] computer industry wouldn't even notice.

    Why? Partly because hardly anyone has even heard of SourceForge. Guess it's hard to get advertising funds giving away shit for free, eh Larry? It's not even a question of whether you went to business school; it's a question of whether you learned algebra. Maybe you should study basic arithmetic before looking for a new job. I'll help you start: it is necessary to understand the concept of "zero" to calculate negative numbers, such as, to give a completely random example, VA Software's potential revenue. To learn about zeros, try following Michael Sims around for a few days. *Ahem...*

    The primary, most important reason why Source Forge is about as popular as OpenBSD is because it fucking sucks. I've evaluated the damn thing, and now I use it as one of my example reasons not to trust Open Source. Wow, does it suck! With so many good project management tools to steal ideas from, I'm amazed that SourceForge didn't turn out to be less,you know, fucking sucky.

    Oh, wait, I know... it's because most project management tools cost money, right? Sorry, I know that's a sticking point with you Open Source amateurs. It must suck, living in a world wherein things cost money. Us real developers would to help you out, really, but we're too busy spending the gobs of money that we make, every day! Anyway, it must be tough. not being able to buy commercial software from which to steal ideas. I imagine that if Windows 98 weren't so readily available, GNOME wouldn't be half the lame piece of shit that it is now.

    Let's recap... in order to make money from developing a project management tool, you have to sell it. Dictionary.com defines "to sell" as "to exchange or deliver for money or its equivalent. ". This my first point: to make money, don't give products away for free. Now, here comes the complicated part: in order to sell a product, the product must be in demand. A project management tool will be in demand if it offers superior functionality and reliability at a reasonable price. Now SourceForge is impressive -- for a hobby project. But when compared to professional tools -- used by the professionals whose money you hope to obtain -- it just can't hold up to scrutiny. It's like comparing The GIMP to Photoshop... the GIMP is great for free-as-in-beer software, but it isn't even in the same league as Photoshop, and thus graphics professionals choose Photoshop over the GIMP despite the fact that the GIMP is free-as-in-beer.

    You can't stop the Open-Source failure juggernaut, so stop trying. Maybe it's time to update the old résumé, boys...

    My Resumay
    by Rob Malda


    1997-Present: Perl guy, Slashdot.org
    I rote a lot of the Perl scripts on this populer Open-Source/Free Softwear news site. I am good at Perl, wich is teh best because Lunix is wrote in Perl! (I use Lunix.) I made fun of Micorsoft, and played a lot of games on my Windows box. (It is'nt my fualt, cuz Loki don't port DIABLO ][!) I also disocerved anime^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hwatched a lot of anime, becuz I have ben a fan of teh anime and I haev watched it for years, dispite that wut that lamer The_Messenger sez about me being a "newbie latecommer wannabbe". DZB is teh best!! I helped Slashdot marge with VA Lunix^H^H^H^HSo^H^H^HSoftwaer, whitch is a vary good company but now they are broke becuz teh buzniss world wuz not ready for Open-Source Softwares :( but! it is not because open Sources is not a vayable busznis straegy, realy!! Haevn't u read teh catherdal and teh bazar? ;) Anyways I am good at teh Perl and I hate bill gates and he eats poo!
    Slashdot pisses me off these days. The intelligent conversation and interesting stories left years ago, and all that's left is pointless anti-corporate, anti-government, pro-criminal bullshit. The only fun is left in trolling, and Michael "Assfuck Jizzguzzler NAZI" Sims bans accounts and IPs so fast that even trolling is a bother.

    Your reputation is soured. All of you are cursed for having been associated with Slashdot.org. Shut down SourceForge, shut down Slashdot, take out a loan from your ThinkGeek friends, and spend the cash on Ramen and bottled water so that you'll survive the long, cold winter in whatever lame hick religion-crazed midwest state you live in. The joyride is over. The advertising revenue is gone. All that's left is a group of sweaty, immature Perl guys and a couple grand worth of slow Intel hardware. Shut it all down, recoup your losses, and help Larry buy those new brakes.

    Oh, yeah, and click here for porn.

    --

    --
    I like to watch.

  83. Contaminants by ozbird · · Score: 2

    Diamonds are crystalline carbon; to turn a human body into a diamond, you'd have to get rid of all the other elements present in the ashes (calcium, sodium, iron etc.) otherwise any crystal that might be obtained is likely to be more glass than diamond.

    The other point worth mentioning is that human bodies contain a large amount of water. A lot of the carbon left in the ash is from the wooden coffin, not grandma...

    1. Re:Contaminants by Suppafly · · Score: 2

      A lot of the carbon left in the ash is from the wooden coffin, not grandma...


      Except they don't cremate people in wooden coffins.

  84. Concentration Camps by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Who would of thought that they were a diamond mine?

    Posting like a coward because that is what I am.

  85. What if someone steals the gem? by yeoua · · Score: 2

    So if someone steals your diamond who is a cremated someone or another... could you file for robbery as well as a kidnapping?

    And would it be logical to file it as murder if they attempt to destroy the gem?

    And is this putting a cost to human life, that they are only worth as much as a diamond?

    And damn... this is a pretty good way of hiding the body.

    1. Re:What if someone steals the gem? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      To all your questions -- only if you somehow believe that a gem made from the remains of a dead person is the same as a living person. (Would you consider stealing a corpse to be kidnapping?)

  86. Newfangeled crap! by SHEENmaster · · Score: 1

    Why not just through them in a deep crevace, and seal the crevace!? It has been working for millions of years, and with better results than any of this "newfangeled crap".

    --
    You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
  87. Looking at by littleRedFriend · · Score: 1

    the terrible conditions at diamond mines, I would say synthetic diamonds are indeed a much better option.

    --
    IANAL, but imagine a beowulf cluster of in Soviet Russia all your belong are base to us welcoming the new SCO overlords.
  88. Death all over again by whovian · · Score: 2

    Real diamonds are thermodynamically unstable at ambient temperature and pressure. (Shhhh! Don't tell Zales or DeBeers!) I can't imagine having a diamond-corpse go through a second, but slow, death. Kind of gruesome if you ask me.

    --
    To-do List: Receive telemarketing call during a tornado warning. Check.
    1. Re:Death all over again by Yet+Another+Smith · · Score: 2

      Yeah, better to be made into an artificial carbon-fiber nanotubule in the Space Elevator.

      Of course, any money to deBeers is blood money to an international cartel with a terrible record of exploiting powerless workers, so I'll opt for blood in my diamonds rather than on them.

      --
      if ($it != $onething) {$it = $another;}
  89. It ain't the supervillains that worry me! by GuyMannDude · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Actually, it was chrisd's final statement that spoked me:

    This should not be confused with our earlier diamond discussion.

    You remember, don't you? The one that went like so:

    Would you buy one for the love of your life? I know my girlfriend would love a diamond, but ethically I have my doubts. Diseased-miners, child slave labour, cartel inflated prices...

    I guess we have to add murders and grave robbing to that list now! Those evil diamond traders will do anything to get more raw materials for their diabolical schemes!

    GMD

    1. Re:It ain't the supervillains that worry me! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I guess we have to add murders and grave robbing to that list now! Those evil diamond traders will do anything to get more raw materials for their diabolical schemes!

      Ah, at last an anti-zionistic post is modded deservedly Insightful. We already know that the almost exclusively Jew-controlled diamond industry regulates its own supply and demand by regulating war, unrest and political rule in the countries from where they buy their raw material.

      Now they'll not only tread over corpses in their filthy trade, but literally use corpses - the corpses of their customers' relatives - as raw material. An the goyim will happily pay.

    2. Re:It ain't the supervillains that worry me! by IXI · · Score: 1

      As someone modded that "insightful" there must be people out there taking it serious. But it's plain nonsense as you can as easily turn a pencil into a diamond. You just need some carbon, some heat and a lot of pressure. After all a diamond is nothing else than graphite with a different crystal structure.

      --
      He saw some dirty arabs and fired. Too bad it was just some friendly kurds, BBC reporters and his fellow cowboys.
  90. Diamonds are Forever by Maxon · · Score: 1

    Diamonds are forever, now you can be, too!

    ---
    Geoffrey
    Project AKO - http://ako.sf.net

    1. Re:Diamonds are Forever by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      how original. you stole it from yahoos page title. fucktard

  91. Screw diamonds! by Reality+Master+101 · · Score: 3, Insightful

    How about making yourself into a frisbee for your family and friends. :)

    --
    Sometimes it's best to just let stupid people be stupid.
    1. Re:Screw diamonds! by RebelTycoon · · Score: 3, Funny
      No services are planned. Instead, his family says Headrick's ashes will be molded into a limited number of memorial flying discs to be distributed to family and friends.


      Backup a little more... Ok, here comes your disc Aunti.. Ok, who's next... Rover? Ok puppy..

      Timmy, take that disc out of your mouth and don't eat your Grandpa..
    2. Re:Screw diamonds! by DonkeyJimmy · · Score: 1

      I hear those things cost an arm and a leg.

      --
      "Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil." -Philips
  92. My new favorite quote: by El+Camino+SS · · Score: 2


    "Hey nice diamonds! They look really nice!"

    "Yeeeessssss. They are made of all of my victims! MUaaaaahhhhhHHHaaahhahhhahaa!"

  93. distinguish by phriedom · · Score: 2

    "But [EGL] said it is impossible to distinguish LifeGem synthetic diamonds from other synthetic diamonds."

    The real question, which I imagine DeBeers makes sure never gets answered, is: Can the EGL distinguish "synthetic" diamonds from the "real thing." I'm guessing they can't, other than from the tatoo DeBeers puts on theirs.

    --
    Don't moderate flamebait as Troll. Know the difference or you will be Meta-moderated.
    1. Re:distinguish by Jac_no_k · · Score: 1

      I think I saw on show on 20/20 where they were talking about Russians synthesizing diamonds. Turns out that when synthetic diamonds are hit with UV, they retain a glow for several minutes. Natural diamonds glow for only a second or two.

  94. The unborne by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Now how much does an unborne baby (oh so sweet) get? Who would have thought that an Abortion Clinic was a diamond mind!

    Posting anonymously because people just don't see murder for murder.

  95. Why did they say that? by Jack9 · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Why did the article make it a point not to associate itself with a related article posted a few days ago when they are both specifically about the same topic and are obviously related in so far as being about obtaining diamonds not sold by the diamond mafia can be considered "related"? (yes that was a run-on question) I cant be the only one irked by this ridiculous *hint* *hint* look at the other one too *hint* *hint* plug.

    --

    Often wrong but never in doubt.
    I am Jack9.
    Everyone knows me.
  96. Easy way to make huge diamonds by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I bet this could be done with animals. Imagine the diamond you could get from a grizzly bear or a whale. Or maybe I could smash together 100 chickens McNugget style and get a huge diamond that way.

  97. I can already do this.... by pauly_thumbs · · Score: 1

    by shoving coal up my ass.

    I suppose i could do this with corpses as well...

    hmmmmmm....

  98. Life imitating Art? by l0ungeb0y · · Score: 1

    Why am I suddenly thinking about that star trek episode where everyone got turned into those powdery tetrahedrons?

    Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but the idea of being turned into a precious mineral after I die give me the willies right about now. /*
    Thanks to this slashdot post I'm now doomed to 10 years of credit card for a wedding ring bill...
    or I'll now where I'll be buried ;)
    */

  99. India will be rich... by unixwin · · Score: 0, Flamebait

    India pop. 1 billion * 80% (Hindus 80% of that they cremate) * (say 2 % use this technology) * 2% = 16 million (at 1/4 carat each that translates to)
    a staggering 4 million carats a year..

    --
    -- everyones not everybody and neither is everybody like everyone.
    1. Re:India will be rich... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      er.. Flamebait?
      s/he just multiplied 3 numbers
      incase s/he was/is from India & Hindu would this post have been categorized as "informative"? The article itself quotes Japan as a target market!!!

  100. makes a great good news/bad news by Clay+Mitchell · · Score: 1, Troll

    Good News: It wasn't dug out of a dangerous mine by a child.

    Bad News: It used to be a dead guy.

    1. Re:makes a great good news/bad news by Kredal · · Score: 2

      Even worse news: It used to be a child who mined for diamonds.

      --
      Whoever stated that signature sizes should be limited to one hundred and twenty characters can just go ahead and kiss my
  101. I know the truth! by IronTek · · Score: 5, Funny

    Soylent Diamonds is PEOPLE!

    1. Re:I know the truth! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      And so are soylent cowpies!

      At least we have this nice seemingly never-ending supply of typing paper.

      Somebody has to get that SNL reference.

  102. Disturbing... by Psx29 · · Score: 1

    isn't that seriously disturbing to anyone besides me? Turning dead bodies into diamonds....*shudder*

  103. Rush Limb...... by jrwillis · · Score: 1

    oh wait, you mean like a funny comedian don't you?

    --
    Keep Austin Weird!
  104. Family jewels? by SoCalChris · · Score: 2, Funny

    So my family jewels really can become the family jewels?

  105. hologram by dotslashdotdot · · Score: 1

    If a really good hologram movie of a person could be encoded in the diamond, that would be sooooo cool.
    A diode laser or the setting sun could bring back so many memories.

    --
    It is now time to flip off your computer.
  106. try resurrecting one of these! by ajboyle · · Score: 1

    Being in the minority here....(I'm non athiest/agnostic)...I'll venture a comment

    A good friend of mine, age 85, died this morning. I can't imagine the disrespect it would take to cremate his remains or pressurize them to diamonds.

    My personal belief? Just as Jesus was resurrected with a perfected body, that's the destiny of everybody else on earth: a physical resurrection to a perfected body. Hard to imagine for all you Vulcans out there? Well, it was for Thomas, too, until he had proof.

    That being my belief, anything other than a proper and reverent burial seems to me a sacrilege.

    1. Re:try resurrecting one of these! by kuiken · · Score: 1

      Dont bet on having a perfect body after you've been feeding worms for a couple of years !

      --

      42
    2. Re:try resurrecting one of these! by Noel · · Score: 2

      Hey, if God can resurrect the Apostle Peter (et al.), whose body is loooong gone, he wouldn't have any problem with ashes or diamonds.

  107. The manufacturing process by Digital+Prophet · · Score: 1

    Employee: "Just give us the ashes and we will make a diamond!"
    Customer: "OK, here you go."
    Employee: Alright, now turn around.
    Customer: What?
    Employee: Turn around. (makes circular motion with finger)
    Customer: (turns around)
    Employee: (puts ashes under the counter, takes premade diamond and puts in on counter)
    Employee: OK, here you go.
    Customer: Man, that's weak.

    1. Re:The manufacturing process by beebware · · Score: 1

      Hmm, Jesus vs David Copperfield in Southpark... DeBeers vs Lifegem on Slashdot... Life imitating art or life becoming art?
      Anyways, the men in white jackets are coming to take me away now - and they seem to muttering something about an Engineers Thumb and pressure...

    2. Re:The manufacturing process by falzer · · Score: 1

      That was David Blaine, not Copperfield.

  108. Pricing not too bad by Stonent1 · · Score: 1

    Has anyone priced Caskets recently or average funeral prices? This is a decent alternative price-wise.

  109. how? by Gumber · · Score: 2, Interesting

    How do you turn creamated remains into diamonds? All the carbon has been driven off as CO2. Or are the collecting the remains before that point?

    1. Re:how? by jgkastra · · Score: 1

      Aromatic compounds do not cleanly "burn", they leave traces of soot from combustion (I wish I can find my organic chem book).

      If you heat the bodies (or anything carbon based) without oxygen in extreme temperatures the product is a carbon compound called "coke". It's carbon rich hence your diamond.

    2. Re:how? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      i know nothing about the chem behind this but: some crematoriums blow most of the ash out over the city & all you're left with is the skeleton. The skeleton is the ground up & that's what the families get back - a bunch of grainy white "powder". other crematoriums leave the ash in there for a white & black mishash of colour - the skeleton is still ground up, just mixed in with the _real_ ashes. There is a sizeable portion of material left after the flesh is burnt off.

  110. Insurance coverage? by nanaki · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Most life insurance (at least the ones I've seen advertisements for, that's the only way I'd know anything about them, much too young to seriously think about it) pays cash to the family when someone dies... but are there life insurance plans that simply cover the costs of the funeral and other ceremonies connected with the death, up to the point where the person needs it, kind of like car insurance or other damage insurance? If so, would it ever cover this? ;)

  111. Ha! Homeless people would be better! by Perianwyr+Stormcrow · · Score: 2

    Geez, if you just camped the morgue and snapped up all the indigent corpses... why, you could build a house out of them.

    A house.

    Made out of dead people.

    How evil-genius is that?

    --

    What we call folk wisdom is often no more than a kind of expedient stupidity.-Edward Abbey

  112. damn... by DigitalGlass · · Score: 1

    "mom?"

    "yes dear?"

    "i kinda dropped grandma down the sink..."

  113. lifegem.com........ by _ph1ux_ · · Score: 2

    has a picture of a kid with his grandpa - they are smiling. happy..... for now. little does that kid know. poor, poor kid. time is running out.

    lifegem.... how about deathjewel

  114. Go USA by archen · · Score: 2, Funny

    Considering that the United States has more fat people than anywhere else in the world, that still makes us the richest country, even if you compact us all into diamonds (meaning quantity of diamond per person).

  115. I knew it ! by Raiford · · Score: 1
    I always knew that I was a "diamond in the rough", now I can prove it !

    --
    "player 4 hit player 1 with 0 stroms"
  116. Factory accidents by Perianwyr+Stormcrow · · Score: 2

    Does that mean that everyone who dies in a factory accident, such as falling into a smelter or getting forged into a pipe by a rolling machine, loses their ticket to the Rapture?

    --

    What we call folk wisdom is often no more than a kind of expedient stupidity.-Edward Abbey

    1. Re:Factory accidents by ajboyle · · Score: 1

      I said it was disrespectful, not that you lose any "ticket" by doing so. Resurrection isn't just reserved for the "well preserved." :-)

      My personal belief is that there is a "universal" resurrection--everybody gets a free ticket. Judgement is a whole different story.

    2. Re:Factory accidents by PyroMosh · · Score: 1

      Why?

      It's *my* personal belief that upon death, one is dead. One no longer exists in any form. Because there is no evidence to sudgest that we become anything other than a rotting body.

      I haven't decided what I'd like to become of my remains, other than that I'd like to donate my organs. This sounds interesting, but it's expensive and I'm just not sure it's for me anyway. I suppose I'd like to let those surviving me to choose how they wish to remember me.

      No, respectfuly, I ask, why do you hold these (to me) irrational belief? (And also, what do vulcans have to do with anything?)

    3. Re:Factory accidents by ajboyle · · Score: 1

      "why do you hold these (to me) irrational belief?"

      Maybe it sounds irrational to someone from your perspective, but so would turning a human into a diamond to anybody 100 years ago. Strange that people believe that we humans can do almost anything, but it would be irrational or impossible for God to be real or do anything himself. If he does exist and Christians are correct, resurrecting people is a drop in the bucket compared to the forming of a universe.

      "(And also, what do vulcans have to do with anything?)"

      "Vulcan" = a person who is logical to the point of ignoring emotions or spiritual reasoning.

  117. HAHA YOU ARE A M$ TROLL, BUT I GOT YOUR # FAG by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    SQL Server had that problem before Linux. Haha, you're beloved M$ shit is still less secure.

  118. Grading the departed loved one... by dpbsmith · · Score: 5, Funny

    I particularly enjoy the idea that after the departed one's cremains have been converted to diamonds, the diamonds will be graded. One has to wonder:

    --Will the obese deceased yield a higher number of carats?

    --Will the chaste deceased score higher on clarity?

    --Will the intelligent deceased get a "brilliant" cut?

    And, of course...

    --What affect will the race of the deceased have on the color?

  119. Why do I have a euphoric Final Fantasy feeling? by Mustang+Matt · · Score: 5, Interesting

    hehe.

    This feels like it's straight from a Final Fantasy game. I can be a piece of Materia someday! Now all they need to do is figure out how to summon people back out of the diamonds for a whopping good time.

    --
    The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. - Benjamin Franklin
  120. Beta testing? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    It took him three years to get it working... can you imagine what happened in all the tests that didn't result in a diamond?

    "Sorry Wally, I couldn't turn your mother into a diamond."

    "Well, what did you turn her into?"

    "Well, Wally, let's put it this way... how do you feel about balsa wood?"

  121. It's a sack of meat. by RatBastard · · Score: 1

    The body os nothing more than a sack of meat. It's the living person that is important, not the rotting flesh left over after they die.

    Even if the body is a temple, what's the difference between having it turned to diamonds or getting eaten by worms after the soul has left it?

    --
    Boobies never hurt anyone. - Sherry Glaser.
    1. Re:It's a sack of meat. by Ryokos_boytoy · · Score: 1

      But some believe that your next body will be as you left the earthly one. I already blew it by getting a tattoo. Hoping I can talk my way out of it. Not an organ donor either. Might need all that stuff. It sure looks like a sack of meat but you never know.

      --


      If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it. -- Calvin Coolidge
  122. She said... by Johnny+Mnemonic · · Score: 4, Funny


    So she said to me: "I'm getting a diamond from you, one way or another."

    --

    --
    $tar -xvf .sig.tar
  123. Need a streamlined process! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    What? Have to wait for people to die, then cremate them and then turn them into diamonds?

    Amazon to the rescue with One-Click diamonds!

    ---
    Need Open Robot Software?

  124. great by Lurking+Grue · · Score: 1

    That's what we need, another Neil Diamond.

    1. Re:great by Kredal · · Score: 2

      A CowboyNeal Diamond?

      doh!

      --
      Whoever stated that signature sizes should be limited to one hundred and twenty characters can just go ahead and kiss my
  125. As seen on a police report... by mwhahaha · · Score: 1

    And the thieves stole my wife along with all the other jewlery.

  126. The 5th C by y0yodyne · · Score: 1

    Carats, Calarity, Color, Cut...and now Cremation?

  127. Maybe they *are* just normal synthetic diamonds. by Perianwyr+Stormcrow · · Score: 2

    Perhaps they just mix your Grandpa up with a bunch of other folks and dump them into a big old compressor for a while, and then chop up what comes out and sell it to you.

    That would be my guess, right off the bat. Isn't there not a whole lot of carbon left in ashes, anyway?

    --

    What we call folk wisdom is often no more than a kind of expedient stupidity.-Edward Abbey

  128. Soilent Diamonds by Rexburg · · Score: 1

    It's people!!

    --

    ---------
    Launch all sig
  129. Shine on you crazy diamond by Desperado · · Score: 2

    Syd Barrett may someday literally shine on.

    From "Wish you were Here"

    Remember when you were young,
    You shone like the sun.
    Shine on you crazy diamond.
    Now there's a look in your eyes,
    Like black holes in the sky.
    Shine on you crazy diamond.
    You were caught on the crossfire
    Of childhood and stardom,
    Blown on the steel breeze.
    Come on you target for faraway laughter,
    Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!

    You reached for the secret too soon,
    You cried for the moon.
    Shine on you crazy diamond.
    Threatened by shadows at night,
    And exposed in the light.
    Shine on you crazy diamond.
    Well you wore out your welcome
    With random percision,
    Rode on the steel breeze.
    Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
    Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!

    --
    If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space.
    1. Re:Shine on you crazy diamond by FroMan · · Score: 1

      Man, you'd be the first person I'd mod if I could have.

      --
      Norris/Palin 2012
      Fact: We deserve leaders who can kick your ass and field dress your carcass.
  130. we will soon have by dollargonzo · · Score: 1

    president bush proclaiming that it is morally wrong to use stem cells to heal people but perfectly ok to use dead ppl's bodies to make profit. i am just waiting for that day...

    --
    BSD is for people who love UNIX. Linux is for those who hate Microsoft.
    1. Re:we will soon have by Rude+Turnip · · Score: 1

      "...but perfectly ok to use dead ppl's bodies to make profit. "

      Hey, those funeral directors have to eat, too!

  131. hrm.... by Xzisted · · Score: 1

    This brings a WHOLE new light to the idea of the family jewels.

    --

    Honesty may be the best policy, but apparently by elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy.
  132. Geez by erroneus · · Score: 2

    ...talk about your "high-pressure" tactics...

    (oh c'mon! all the other funny-but-obvious comments are said already!!)

  133. overweight grandma? by deft · · Score: 3, Funny

    lets hear it for fat grandparents...

    bigger diamonds!

    ill take grandma earrings, grandpa inlayed into my cane, and if possible i'd like sparky my dog as a necklace.

    my aunt loved music, perhaps she can focus the lazer on my cd player or something to that effect.

    --

    There's nothing Intelligent about Intelligent Design.
  134. What I want... by RatBastard · · Score: 1

    I want to be cremated and have my ashes mixed into the plastic that will be made into women's bicycle seats.

    --
    Boobies never hurt anyone. - Sherry Glaser.
  135. o/~ Diamonds are a girl's best friend o/~ by xelph · · Score: 1

    Conjugal Happiness Tip #269: "Here, darling... Happy Valentine's, my love. And the biggest one in the necklace is Mom... your very own mother-in-law..."

  136. diamond by khold · · Score: 1

    Ok so now we will have to rename it to a "Die"amond....... and we could also come up with a "death"stone besides a birthstone

    --
    rm -rf sig
  137. Hey FUCKWIT by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    I know you're new here, but if you look at your preferences, you can give the AC and Foes a negative bonus, so you don't have to read their stuff anymore. HTH, HAND.

  138. I WANT TO BE BURIED FACE DOWN by GhostseTroll · · Score: -1

    WITH A BIG OLE DIAMOND IN MY ASS.

    Nuff said.

    this is a bunch of stuff that's not in all caps because typing in all caps is like YELLING.

    --

    --
    Mamma look!

  139. He clearly got the idea from Ferris Bueller by deft · · Score: 2


    "Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of Cameron up his own ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond."

    --

    There's nothing Intelligent about Intelligent Design.
  140. is this so bad? by JediCeleste · · Score: 1

    I'm sure a fair number of people would do something tacky with the resultant stone, but that's their problem. I see no problem with mounting Grandma in a tasteful setting on the mantel, instead of a big urn that spills her all over the rug when Junior toddles by.

    Your options are pretty limited when you're dead. You can be pumped full of pollutants and left to rot in a box, or burnt to a fine grey crisp. If the person requests to be made into a pretty rock, that's no more disgusting than asking to be embalmed.

    One only hopes this isn't a scam.

  141. Diamonds are Forever by Lord+of+the+Fries · · Score: 1

    kinda adds a whole new weight to the old "Diamonds are Forever" thing. This must be yet-another marketing ploy by DeBeers.

    --
    One man's pink plane is another man's blue plane.
  142. a very expenisve cubic zirconia! by fermion · · Score: 2, Interesting
    A small thimbleful of carbon can be made into 0.25 carat diamond, for which LifeGem would charge $4,000. A full karat would cost $22,000.

    So this is no use to a super villain who wishes to convert a body to diamonds.

    A cynical person would say this was just another grab by the death industry to separate grieving family from their money. What is it that this company does for the $4K. A 1/4-caret cubic zirconia can be had for fifty dollars or so. The only thing that Lifegem does is to extract the base carbon from the body remains, apparently using a simple furnace. Assuming that they contract out the actual diamond production, their risk and capital equipment expense should be relatively small. I admit that the purification process is probably innovative, and development costs must be recovered, but a nearly 100 times markup. Ridiculous.

    --
    "She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide." Orphan Black
  143. Overweight people by sxe_p06 · · Score: 0

    So, do more obese people create larger diamonds?

    On that note, be caresful if you wife starts feeding you double portions after reading this story ;-)

    --
    -- p06 "On religious wars: They're essentially wars over whoo's imaginary friend is better"
  144. Chicago Tribune. by Suppafly · · Score: 2

    Monday or tuesdays chicago tribune had this story as well.. very interesting.. They featured a poor guy who was going to pay $4000 to have his cremains pressurized into an artificial diamond so his family would have a keepsake to remember him by.

  145. Trading diamonds by Vilmos · · Score: 1

    Will it become the next pokemon card? I am hardly waiting to see when children will trade one grandpa for two grandmas.

    Also, will the newlyweds switch grandpa diamonds instead of diamonds?

    This is brutal. I can't believe someone came up with such an idea.

    Vilmos

  146. Star Wars connection by Atrax · · Score: 1

    in the X-Wing series, can't remember which one, it's mentioned that this is what Correllian exiles do with their, er... remains... turning them into a rather glittery monument. thought that was quite interesting.

    --
    Screw you all! I'm off to the pub
  147. to the guy who about diamonds a couple weeks ago by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    there's your answer: have yourself smashed into a diamond, with the results presented to your fiance, perhaps with a worm note about see how hard she made you.

  148. People Diamonds eh? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I wonder if somewhere someone said something like:

    "This is a great plan dude, trust me... only snag is figuring out where the hell to dump these bodies"

  149. When I die... by Alethes · · Score: 1

    Turn me into one of these.

  150. or moderatly-easily offended by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    seriously... thats kind of a sick thing to say

  151. diamonds? by Suppafly · · Score: 2

    I love how they call them diamonds when they make them out of your loved ones ashes, but they call them cz's and sell them dirt cheap when they are made out of normal cheap carbon.

  152. UV glow by phriedom · · Score: 1

    Thanks for the info.
    hmmm...wouldn't that be a good thing? Would they be more brilliant/glowing? An improvement rather than a flaw?

    --
    Don't moderate flamebait as Troll. Know the difference or you will be Meta-moderated.
    1. Re:UV glow by Jac_no_k · · Score: 1

      One would think...

      But I don't think women appreciate it. Her thoughts are "Yeah it is flawless, sparkly, and pretty but it's not from the ground so it's not valuable and rare."

      The only thing techy I could convince my wife was on my titanium wedding band. She of course went with a more traditional platinum ring, but in my mind it was better then gold or silver which corrodes.

      Maybe I could get the synthetic flawless diamond for her anniversary or something. Something big and gaudy that glows in the dark... Maybe not.

    2. Re:UV glow by Jac_no_k · · Score: 1

      I guesss synthetic diamonds have been around for a while:

  153. Carbon? What carbon? by Un+pobre+guey · · Score: 1
    The thing that perplexes me is that we are talking about cremation remains. The carbon should have burned off, leaving mainly inorganic salts from bones and cytoplasm. Sure, there's probably some carbonate in there (you really have to wonder how much, though), but you'd have to do some serious purification to get rid of all the calcium, phosphate, potassium, sodium, etc., especially to get "high quality" diamonds. I seriously doubt you can get a VVS1 diamond from the stuff that's in the urn.

    On the face of it, I'm still dubious.

    1. Re:Carbon? What carbon? by OzJimbob · · Score: 1

      The site specifies that you have to be cremated by their special process(which adds to the price of the diamons). You can't just walk in with an urn and get them to make it into a diamond. I assume their cremation process captures the carbon gasses produced by burning.

      --
      -"I still believe in revolution; I just don't capitalize it anymore." - srini!
    2. Re:Carbon? What carbon? by Un+pobre+guey · · Score: 1
      I doubt that they capture the gases. I can imagine them burning the corpse in such a way as to leave a reasonable amount of material that we would call charcoal if we were referring to wood. That seems grisly, but you might be able to do a reasonable job of separating it from much of the inorganic stuff by grinding it up, putting it in a container of water, and taking the stuff that floats.

      It still sounds a bit hokey. There would still be enough contaminants in the charcoal to discolor the resulting diamond.

    3. Re:Carbon? What carbon? by Kredal · · Score: 2

      they also said that it makes blue diamonds... so your discoloration is there. Tada!

      --
      Whoever stated that signature sizes should be limited to one hundred and twenty characters can just go ahead and kiss my
    4. Re:Carbon? What carbon? by Un+pobre+guey · · Score: 1

      Iron from hemoglobin and myoglobin would give it a yellow or brown tinge, coincidentally the least valuable diamond colors.

  154. Ummmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    This should not be confused with our earlier diamond discussion.

    Or with an egg salad sandwich. Jeeezuz the editors are struggling for something to say.

  155. How --> What by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Not "How about diamonds?", it should be "What about diamonds?".

  156. No, diamonds aren't forever by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Interesting

    No, "Diamonds are forever" isn't true, it's just an advertising tag line. Not only do they degrade slowly to graphite at ambient pressure, but they are also quite easily shattered.

    Shattered? Even though they are the hardest substance on earth? Yes. There is a difference between strength (maximum stress before breaking) and hardness (amount of deflection for a given stress). Diamonds don't deflect very much, but if you hit them with a hammer, they will shatter as they exceed the maximum stress. This is how gems are cut.

    I heard that in far ago India, some city slickers suckered the natives, telling them that a big gem wasn't a diamond. To prove it, they hit it with a hammer and watched it shatter. After the natives gave up in disgust, the city slickers picked up the (still significant shards) and make megabucks.

    Fire is a pretty good way to trash diamonds too. Diamonds also are quite attracted to grease, so don't forget to wash that ring before it gets too icky.

  157. Because a diamond is what she really wants. by kkkalen · · Score: 1

    The discussion referred in the headline is all about whether to get your girl a diamond engagement ring even though you know you're going to get gouged. There's also the issue of labour abuses when these things are taken out of the ground.

    Most people didn't seem to have a problem with that stating that if a diamond is what their girl wants and will make her happy, that is what they will get her lest her friends make her feel bad for not getting one.

    Well, at least now we have a great alternative. Instead of having miners who are working for a pittance dying in the mines so your girl can show a rock to her friends, you can have one made of someone who's already dead.

    I hear dead people don't mind being made into diamonds.

    You'll probably still get gouged, though.

    K

    --
    If you don't believe me, ask that guy over there.
    1. Re:Because a diamond is what she really wants. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I realize this is discussion related to human remains, but, just tell your girlfriend she can have a diamond, made from her best friend!

      Now rover can 'live' forever....

  158. obviously by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    this is obviously MORE humaine than buying diamonds, what with they're slave labor and all :)

  159. Two birds with one stone by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    So now the children who die while working in the diamond mines can be made into diamonds themselves.

    Sometimes efficiency isn't a good thing.

  160. New meaning for heirlooms.... by DrewK · · Score: 1

    Instead of this belonged to your Grandmother, it iwll be...this is your grandmother.

  161. In a related story... by crawdaddy · · Score: 1

    The Chicago Police Department has announced that kidnappings in the Greater Chicago area are on the rise. Within hours of an announcement from a Chicago company claiming to be able to make diamonds out of human remains, hundreds of missing person reports have flooded the emergency response systems of Chicago.

    1. Re:In a related story... by Kredal · · Score: 2

      In a related related story, All three of the major pawn shop chains in Chicago are announcing a liquidation sale on diaomnd rings and pendants.

      Prices are at an all-time low, and selection is at an all-time high.

      --
      Whoever stated that signature sizes should be limited to one hundred and twenty characters can just go ahead and kiss my
  162. Adds new meaning to the phrase 'family jewels' by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Collect the whole family!

  163. But.... by Hilleh · · Score: 1

    Is this better or worse then strip mining? :P

  164. Creating Diamonds by LighthouseJ · · Score: -1

    I didn't see any one post this over the threshold of 1, I figure it'd be +5:Informative.

    They can make diamonds, they have been for a while, but the problem is that the pressure and time needed goes up exponentially (or some similar trend) based on how big the diamond is to be. I saw a show on the History Channel last week about precious materials (gold, money, diamonds, etc...) They showed this huge press and the put a little carbon thing in this cube inside the press. The clamped it down, turned on the electricity and waited for it to work.

    The made diamonds smaller than the ones on CNN (the TV station) though.

    As a side note, they also had this laser that could write words, company logo's, anything into diamonds. They say companies use that option if they want to keep things secret.

  165. First bad Canadian joke by notanatheist · · Score: 1

    Evil am I? Finally a use for all those Canadians!! Eh?

  166. I can hear it now by Q-bert][ · · Score: 1

    Girl 1: ...*sigh* My husband died and this is all I have left of him
    Girl 2: ooo It's beautiful. Was that your engagement ring?
    Girl 1: No, it's his remains and the only jewelry the cheap fuck ever gave me.

  167. "I Sing The Body Dielectric" by tlambert · · Score: 2

    Had to be said.

    Read the Walt Whitman poem.

    -- Terry

  168. Mod parent up by MaxVlast · · Score: 1

    Funniest post of the day.

    --
    There should be a moratorium on the use of the apostrophe.
    Max V.
    NeXTMail/MIME Mail welcome
  169. How to get the carbon by Michael+Woodhams · · Score: 2

    I would expect post-cremation ashes to contain very little carbon - the ash is what won't burn*, and carbon burns - so it is perhaps unrealistic to use ashes as a starting point.

    There's also a potential trust problem - how do you know your diamond is Grandma's carbon, not chimney sweepings? (One could say something similar of ordinary cremation ashes, of course.)

    * More technically, the ash is what was didn't a gas when chemically combined with air. Unless some other atom is holding onto it very tightly, the carbon will form CO or CO2.

    --
    Quattuor res in hoc mundo sanctae sunt: libri, liberi, libertas et liberalitas.
    1. Re:How to get the carbon by Manuka · · Score: 2

      I'd be willing to bet their "unique extraction process" involves cleaning the CO/CO2 scrubbers in the smokestack.

  170. Red, Yellow and Blue ... by vovin · · Score: 1

    Seems they offer red, yellow and blue diamonds. Yellow diamonds are quite common from what I understand - they are usually only used as gem stones when they are very large.
    Of course the sample colors are much more intense than what is typically referred to as a yellow diamond ....
    Still they aren't exactly cheap and they are making them > ~.75 caret yet ...

  171. My entire family was killed in a building collapse by freerangegeek · · Score: 5, Funny

    And I got this fabulous tennis bracelet.

  172. Quite the hierloom... by jamis · · Score: 3, Funny

    Instead of proposing with that passed down family diamond ring with "This was my grandmother's ring..." it would now become... "This is my grandmother..."

  173. Guaranteed immortality.. by i_want_you_to_throw_ · · Score: 2

    Since a diamond is the world hardest substance, you're guaranteed immortality. At least until the sun supernova.

  174. hohoho, 'tis the thread of very bad puns. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    now, if i could only think of one, i would have used my real nick.

    and a grammar checker...

    i've not read the article. can't you make a diamond out of a lot of things (i can think of nicer things to wear than my dog)

  175. recycling by gene_tailor · · Score: 1

    Recycling: it's not just for newspapers and soda bottles anymore...
    "Bring out yer dead!"

    --
    It also occurs to me that if one was drowning, yelling "Help! I'm drowning and I lost my bikini top" would probably be m
  176. My death plans... by evilviper · · Score: 2

    When I die, I'm going to have my body cremated, and the ashes dumped, little by little, into pepper containers, everywhere.

    It's just my final message to everyone in the world: "Eat Me"

    --
    Slashdot gets worse every day... Pipedot: News for nerds, without the corporate slant
  177. Reverse the process? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    How about turning some of my diamonds back into people?

  178. you can have a diamond... by DigiBoi · · Score: 1

    when you turn my cold, dead body into one.

    --
    I put on my robe and wizard hat.
  179. Shortly after... by Nindalf · · Score: 3

    ...they learn to construct a perfect copy of the universe from a slice of cake.

    1. Re:Shortly after... by appletalking · · Score: 1

      Actually, that's already been done.

    2. Re:Shortly after... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Ya don't think that's what he meant, do ya??

  180. EH? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This should not be confused with our earlier diamond discussion.

    Is it reasonable that this story (artificial diamonds from the remains of your loved ones) could be confused with the piece (on the pricing of diamonds and exploitation of workers)?

    The number of people who could confuse the two different news stories is negligible. So why reference the old one? Because they both have the word diamond in them? Why not go further and caution the reader about previous stories that pertained to carbon as well.

    Idiot editors. Save your rhetorical flourishes for situations where they make sense.

  181. Tell me when remains can be turned into Gold! by D3an · · Score: 1

    Then I can become gold leads on an AI Server's ram and various cards.... (programmed no doubt with my attitude, personality, intelligence, memories etc) and then I can live foooorever!!!!

    er um WAIT!
    just as long as AMD has worked out heat issues, otherwise hell would be a whole lot cooler place to be! (pun intended, yes I'm an AMD fan too)

  182. How beautiful by TrebleJunkie · · Score: 1

    ...until your kid pawns you for a forty-ouncer of Bud and 3 crack-rocks.

    --

    Ed R.Zahurak

    You know, oblivion keeps looking better every day.

  183. Ted Williams wanted to be iced... by Kaz+Riprock · · Score: 2

    So it turns out that Ted Williams didn't want to be frozen by cryonics. After seeing the LifeGem website, he actually said "I'd like to be a piece of ice when I die".

    --
    Mordor...a magical, mythical land where women are more rare than dragons--but where every man would rather find a dragon
  184. Yesssss! by wiresquire · · Score: 5, Funny

    Now I know the answer to:
    a) whether to get an expensive engagement ring or not, and
    b) How to get rid of my mother in law
    all in one!

    --

    So does Anonymous Coward have good karma?

    1. Re:Yesssss! by LadyLucky · · Score: 4, Funny

      I'm interested in how you got yourself into the situation of having both a mother-in-law and also be considering an expensive engagement ring at the same time.

      --
      dominionrd.blogspot.com - Restaurants on
  185. RTFM, all answers are inside! by uptownguy · · Score: 1

    It needs to be REPEATED...

    From their website FAQ:

    Is the LifeGem made from remains or ashes? The proprietary LifeGem creation process creates diamonds from the true essence of our loved ones, the carbon. Our families receive the ashes as all others do when choosing cremation, except our families also receive a certified, high-quality LifeGem created diamond to memorialize their loved one's unique and wonderful life.

    ...so... it would seem if these diamonds are manufactured from the "true essence" of our loved ones, the carbon, isn't it logical that they are made from any old carbon... (Crafy, aren't they?)...No need to think too much about CO2 or any other pesky details.

    Always read the fine print. Heh.

    --


    I would have to say that explosives are the most abused technology in all of history.
    1. Re:RTFM, all answers are inside! by leuk_he · · Score: 2

      Looking for the finest print:

      under How can you ensure the families that the LifeGem is indeed their loved one?

      (Although it is certainly not necessary, an additional "elemental" tracking procedure can be initiated if you desire. Please call for more information.)

      Call them at 1-866-lifegem.

      I surely want to be sure it is not the pet from the next customer.

      --Do You want to be buried, cremated or made into a diamond? No, i want to die first.

  186. Not quite. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Uh... it would be making an artificial diamond, not a fake one. There's a distinct difference.

    Also, while artificial diamonds are getting to the point where the artifacts of their construction are becoming very difficult to find, any fool with a loupe can spot a zirconium.

  187. good use for remains by Meech · · Score: 2, Funny

    A friend's father wants his ashes to put into a coffee can and given to his children so that when their cars get stuck in the snow, they can put some ashes under the tires so that he can help them out one more time. Personally, just put me in a garbage bag on garbage day :-)

  188. How morbid by Winterblink · · Score: 1

    I can see it now... gang leaders wearing the cremated diamondified remains of their homies on their knuckles.

    --
    "I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."
    -Hoban Washburn
  189. J-O-K-E by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    who the hell modded this insightful? someone find the clue stick and hit that guy with it.

  190. I would rather.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I would rather be turned into a Voyager probe and leave the Solar System in 45 years.

  191. Insurance by bytesmythe · · Score: 1

    Great... now I'm worth even MORE dead than alive!

    Now when your grandparents die, you don't have to have a funeral; you can just leave them in the house during the estate sale.

    bytesmythe

    --
    bytesmythe
    Hypocrisy is the resin that holds the plywood of society together.
    -- Scott Meyer
  192. Re:Huh ? - cremation by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Cremation consumes all of the fleshy parts and much of the bone. But some bone is always left, and that gets put into a grinder basically, and is ground into dust (the ash). I expect their furnace process is long and drawn out and is designed to extract the remaining carbon in the left over bone.

    David

  193. Where are the BS filters? by CactusCritter · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Evidently, everyone wants to be a comedian tonight.

    Diamonds, non-gem grade, can be produced from the vapor phase from several carbon-based molecules. Obviously not suitable for corpse transformation.

    Diamonds, of any grade, can be produced from elemental (or, perhaps, from suitably doped) elemental carbon by application of extremely high pressures and temperatures.

    There is no extant process for reducing a human body so that only the carbon atoms are left.

    Therefore, the very suggestion of converting a human body to diamond seems to be pure bullshit.

    Anyone want to invest in the venture?

  194. One would not have to be deceased by btempleton · · Score: 2

    Disgusting thought, but you could also make a diamond from any carbon source after incineration. For example, blood, or for those not easily disgusted, fecal matter.

    Yes, for the one you love, give the gift of yourself in an engagement ring.

    --
    Has it been over a year since you last donated to the Electronic Frontier Foundation
  195. Despite all of the obvious jokes... by RockyJSquirel · · Score: 1

    Despite all of the obvious jokes and the extremely creepy web site), I think the idea is kind of sweet.

    God, the web site is creepy, though! Americans have no sense of digity or restraint at all! It all drowns in sacarine! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

    Rocky J. Squirrel

  196. leave jews alone by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    yes, making fun of the Chosen People is off limits. had you mentioned the 10s of millions of russians, or germans or other europeans who died that would be kosher.

  197. I'm dead - don't spend money on me! by canadian_right · · Score: 2
    I don't want my family wasting money on useless gimmicks like coffins and diamonds when I'm dead.

    I'll be arranging cremation, headstone, and a small plot, ahead of time, to save my family the trouble at a time when they don't need any extra agravation. I'll be DEAD and I won't care what happens to my ashes, but it is nice to visit a departed relative, so I will arrange for the burial of my cremated remains. I'll be DEAD, but I'll want what is left of my estate to go to my living relatives, not useless ornamation.

    Its a bit off topic, but make sure you have a will if you have any dependants!

    --
    Anarchists never rule
    1. Re:I'm dead - don't spend money on me! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      When you're dead, it don't mean a bit.
      When you're dead, your country don't mean sh*t.
      When you're dead, that's all you are,
      And you can't drink it off in a corner bar.

  198. Honey... by taernim · · Score: 1

    ... will you marry me?"

    "Oh, it's so beautiful! Look at how it sparkles! Of course I... wait... hey... oh my God.. Aunt Lucy??? Is that you???"

    --
    "PC Load Letter? What the $@#% does that mean?!"
  199. Swallowed Diamond by hugesmile · · Score: 1

    So you're telling me that this guy is a cannabal?
    Now where's that guy who's shopping for a ring.... I got one for you cheap, buddy...

  200. just what we needed by hoover · · Score: 0

    Great concept that fits in well with our culture...
    after taking and taking and eating half the planet during your lifetime, this process will now make sure you won't *ever* give back to the commmunity of life on this planet that we all depend on. 8-(

    It should be a dream of a taker's "burial", but that's about it ;-)

    --
    Ever wondered whats wrong with the world? http://www.ishmael.org/
  201. YECHHH by HexiaDeTrix · · Score: 1

    YEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

  202. Buckyballs by toxcspdrmn · · Score: 2, Informative

    The highly reduced (in the chemical, redox sense) organic carbon will be oxidised to CO2 and disappear up the chimney. But remember that bones contain already oxidised inorganic carbon as carbonate (effectively, limestone), which will remain, and which can be reduced by heat and pressure in the absence of oxygen, to pure atomic carbon. Get the conditions right and voila, diamonds. That said, wouldn't it be cooler to be turned into buckyballs?

    --
    "E pur si muove!" - attributed to Galileo Galilei, 1564-1642
  203. I did made Diamond in laboratory so here is a hint by aepervius · · Score: 1

    The method we used was relatively simple : for some $ we bought diamond powder. Then we seeded it ona silicon waffer. Afterward we put it in a labo-micrwave oven (a half bell in glass , surrounded with a farraday cage, and an emitor at the bottom).

    The waffer was put on the centrum and then with H2 and CH4 gases. Then we simply pumped power and created a nice plasma over the waffer, and tadam after a while we had a lens sized diamond , the quality depending on how the gas partial atmsophere were. The size was about 5 centimeter in diameter (2 inch?) and 3 millimeter in width (1.5 tenth of inches?).

    My best guess is that they plan to do something alike, first transform the corpse in CO2, CH4 gases, then use the same microwave method or another plasma-like method to deposit it on an already made cheap diamond seeding.

    --
    C. Sagan : A demon haunted world:
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0345409469/
    visit randi.org
  204. MOD UP by ishark · · Score: 2

    Mod parent up, very good point...

  205. It took me a little while... by agnosonga · · Score: 1

    I know this is offtopic, but I love that sig.

  206. "...this ring was my first wife." by timbo_red · · Score: 1

    That would be weird.

  207. summer charades... by ciupmean · · Score: 1

    Complete de movie quotes ...

    "____________ are a girl's best friends"

    "I can see ____________"

    Options:

    "Dead People"
    "Diamonds"

    hard uh?

    --
    One day your head will be your box, your brain will be your client, and all energetic problems will be solved...
  208. The inevitable next steps by alain1234 · · Score: 1

    Bowie could claim prior art on Diamond Dogs

  209. more convenient than shrunken heads by joss · · Score: 4, Funny

    Excellent, now I can just wear a braclet or elegent neclace instead of walking around with the shrunken heads of my enemies tied on a string.

    One can't fault the convenience factor, but
    I don't know, I don't think it will have quite the same, er, impact.

    --
    http://rareformnewmedia.com/
  210. hmmmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    wrapped around a woman's finger even after death? The trend continues.

  211. The Reaper's Tip by KalvinB · · Score: 1

    Death used to be an expense now it's an investment.

    How much would you say grandma will go for when her grandkid's retire?

    Ben

  212. I cant believe it.. by CCIEwannabe · · Score: 0, Flamebait

    According to the websites FAQ ...

    Q. How much does a LifeGem cost?
    A. A LifeGem varies in cost depending on size and color.


    Thats great, if your dead relative is fat, its going to cost you a fortune. And they are racist too!

  213. reminds me of Star Trek I by nalfeshnee · · Score: 1

    "The proprietary LifeGem creation process creates diamonds from the true essence of our loved ones, the carbon."

    DECKER "The crews of the previous Enterprises were also carbon units. In what way is the life form in your vessel different?

    ILIA "Carbon units are not true life forms".

    See: here.

    tee-hee.

    nalfy.

    --

    -- Despair is an operating system that ANY human being can run, sort of a psychological JAVA --

  214. Yeah by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Fuck DeBeers.

    I can't think of a better way to go than thumbing my nose at the largest, most evil of all global monopolies.

  215. Woooo-Hoooo! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    See when I was looking into Third World Organ Harvesting I couldn't make it over the top and into profitability with all the bribes, transport, family payments and advertising I would have to do. I ran the numbers. I even tried routing through Albuquerque and it still didn't crunch.

    Now with this I do not have to waste that empty shell I can turn it into diamonds and sell it. I have run the numbers again and I have attained profitability.

    The way I see it I will actually be doing some of these people a favor. Instead of working a miserable job in near slavery mining diamonds I can offer them a chance to BE diamonds and make life better for their children.

    Look out China, here I come!

  216. Wearable human remains... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    I had a similar idea back in high school after reading about how petroleum is made in nature. Immediately I struck upon the idea of processing human remains into gasoline or other petro-related products, and presented the idea to my science teacher. She was scandalized. "Why would I want to put grandma in my gas tank?!?!" That ended the discussion, but not the idea. This is recycling at its finest.

  217. Swell by Artifex · · Score: 2

    I predict that we're going to see cases of husbands giving their unfaithful wives beautiful jewelry, shortly after their lovers disappear. And crimelords giving their wives and hookers jewelry made from their enemies.

    And some stupid, greedy son of a famous sports player is going to be sued by his sister to stop him from turning his hall-of-famer dad into a "baseball diamond."

    One baseball diamond, of course, already appears in a muppet movie.

    --
    Get off my launchpad!
  218. Soylent... diamonds? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Wake up idiots! Soylent diamonds are PEOPLE!

  219. Clarity by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    It says the clarity is between VVS and SI*.
    Is that good?

    1. Re:Clarity by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Informative



      F/IF Flawless
      VVS-1 thru VVS-2 extremely small inclusions under 10x and are quite expensive
      VS-1 thru VS-2 Only small inclusions, and though still expensive in larger sizes can be affordable.
      SI-1 and SI-2 Diamonds have inclusions that can easily be seen under 10x, but are not visible to the naked eye. This is the most commonly sold clarity quality today.
      I-2 and I-3 Diamonds possess easily seen to the naked eye inclusions that not only effect beauty, but reach a point where durability can be questioned too!!

      Quoted from:
      http://www.qvctc.commnet.edu/student/AnneDePaula/d iamondqual.htm

  220. Man . . . by PMadavi · · Score: 2, Funny

    Talk about the family jewels.

    --

    --What, you ain't know about them country fried sessions?

  221. DeBeers by Hoi+Polloi · · Score: 2

    Great, now DeBeers will have a monopoly on corpses too!

    --
    It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
  222. If you have an abortion... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This is terrible, but perhaps someone will start putting abortions into Diamonds, so the girl can still always have her baby with her.

    It would suck to meet a girl with a diamond necklace of them...

  223. Engagement ring alternative by goyena · · Score: 1

    Anybody know how much carbon the human body can yield? Is it higher or lower from freshmean (not the Slashdot variety) or from already overeasy-welldone?

    Why not relate this to previous discussion? Hack off your own finger (and have it converted) to put a shiner on hers. This is the added plus of not supported the De Beers inhumanity to man, and diamonds for guns programs, but you can avoid future wartime drafts without having to relocate to Canada. You can also try for the "Van Gogh" option - your new artsy look will be a hit with the chicks!