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Microsoft's Vision Of Future Workplaces
An anonymous reader writes "Microsoft unveils their new office of the near future in a swanky center in Redmond. Inside this article you will find clear evidence of institutional navel gazing like never before and a staggering ignorance of current technology (much of this seems retreaded) not to mention actual business needs or wants. Want proof? How about: '"Surround sound is going to be increasingly important in future offices," says group marketing manager Tom Gruver in leading a tour of the new facility.' Right. More chestnuts inside."
Though it might be an improvement.
How can we continue to believe in a just universe and freedom to eat crackers if we have no ale?
Won't it be great to open an email in your office that says,
"HARD TEEN ANAL SEX WITH ANIMALS!
CUM GET YOUR HARD TEEN ANAL SEX WITH ANIMALS!"
Won't spam be fun then.
Surround sound could help...
If I could get the MS Paperclip to speak at me from all directions, I think I could be even more productive at work.
workers e-mail each other spoken messages, or videos of themselves delivering messages, rather than simply writing e-mails or leaving voice mails.
simplifying:
workers e-mail each other...videos of themselves delivering messages... rather than simply writing e-mails..
What? They email each other videos of themselves delivering messages? Is this some dystopian big brother style post office, where you have to keep your supervisor informed about all your work via email? Or is it instead an ultra paranoid method of document authentication?
We must be told!
PS. Yeah, yeah, I know that they meant saying the message into a webcam or whatever, but the above is how I read it first time...
At one desk, users can move a wireless mouse's pointer from the screen of one computer to the screen of a laptop.
Imagine going mad at somebody and throwing your mouse at him. It will take weeks before you have found your cursor back!
Euh... I have a mouse-cursor on the screen but I don't know who it belongs to..."
Please, stop playing around. Get away from that start-menu!
Don't! DON'T. Don't run winipcfg! I will hate you for the rest of your life!
*** irc-user has quit (Ping timeout)
bash$
Also, let us not forget about ... spam. Yes, my firneds gigabytes and gigabytes of hard-core voice-mailed, full screen video man-on-dog pr0n invading your email inbox sucking up all sorts of bandwith. Of course, if that where to happen maybe, just maybe, somebody would do something about the damm spammers.
1.) E-mail will become voice oriented
2.) Soon, the voice file will not be in a seperate file; one will only have to click on the e-mail to hear it
3.) Microsoft will see that people are tired of sending e-voice#-mail with delays between them, so they create a technology to allow them to connect and talk to each other instantly
4.) Microsoft realizes that it can create a product for e-voice#-mail which is much smaller, so it does
5.) Microsoft discovers a way for e-voice#mail to be exchanged over regular POTS wires
6.) Microsoft releases the their latest innovation...the telephone
The telephone: the next stage of computing
They didn't say "Star Wars themes", they said "Star Wars style effects".
You know how computers in movies and on TV always make whizzy bleeping noises whenever they do anything? Well, Microsoft have recognised that computers in use tend to be quiet, and so are taking steps to rectify that.
Presumably, their next step will be to change text output, so that text is displayed at a rate of a few characters per second, again accompanied by suitable sound-effects. Oh, and make it so that passwords can be guessed by a bright kid after a few tries...
(oh, wait --- that last feature is already in place in many offices)
Repton.
They say that only an experienced wizard can do the tengu shuffle.
They have this already. It's called Microsoft Office X. I swear to God it is on by default.
Karma: Incomprehensible (Mostly affected by posting at +5, reading at -1, and metamoderating everything unfair.)
Microsoft can afford to play follow the leader - they have the money and the bloody minded resove to catch up from the rear.
They prefer to do it this way - because it's much harder to shaft people from in front.
Ho! Haha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
/rant
/end rant
And what the fuck is the go with the "click" sound in internet explorer? My mouse, it has plenty of audible and tactile feedback when a button is pressed. I don't need a "click" from my speakers when I click with my mouse. Not to mention the fact that even on my 1.7 GIGAHERTZ machine, the "Start Navigation" click is often a good half-second behind my real finger-on-the-button click.
Fucking clicks from your speakers when you press a mouse button. If that isn't redundant fucking bloatware, than I don't know what is. What the fuck were they on when they thought that up?
Fuck Microsoft. Fuck them with the rough end of a pineapple for shit like that.
You are in a twisty maze of processor lines, all alike.
There is a lot of hype here.