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Electric Car Capable of 180mph
niclas_b writes "This electric car is pretty cool. It's not cheap and maybe not very practical. But very cool nevertheless." Might as well throw in a link to their homepage as well.
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Bababooey! Bababooey! Bababooey!
Gee, That baby looks fun to park!
My dick is very, very, very hard!!! Wanna see?
Did it fall off a cliff?
It's asian.. ... ... ... ...
no wonder you dont get it.
That car is not only cool, it is butt ugly too.
I just heard some sad news on talk radio - Horror/Sci Fi writer Stephen King was found dead in his Maine home this morning. There weren't any more details. I'm sure everyone in the Slashdot community will miss him - even if you didn't enjoy his work, there's no denying his contributions to popular culture. Truly an American icon.
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family, Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life. But who would I want to do a thing like that?
SICK BOY
Goldfinger's better than Dr. No. Both of them are a lot better than Diamonds are Forever a judgement reflected in its relative poor showing at the box office, in which field, of course, Thunderball was a notable success.
RENTON
(v.o)
People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored, but what they forget -
Spud is shooting up
is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it. When you're on junk you have only one worry: scoring. When you're off it you are suddenly obliged to worry about all sorts of other shite. Got no money: can't get pished. Got money: drinking too much. Can't get a bird: no chance of a ride. Got a bird: too much hassle. You have to worry about bills, about food, about some football team that never fucking winds, about human relationships and all the things that really don't matter when you've got a sincere and truthful junk habit.
SICK BOY
I would say, in those days, he was a muscular actor, in every sense, with all the presence of someone like Cooper or Lancaster, but combined with a sly wit to make him a formidable romantic lead, closer in that respect to Cary Grant.
RENTON
(v.o)
The only drawback, or at least the principal drawback, is that you have to endure all manner of cunts telling you that -
INT. PUB I. NIGHT
Begbie, smoking and drinking, speaks to camera.
BEGBIE
No way would I poison my body with that shite, all they fucking chemicals, no fucking way.
INT. PUB I. NIGHT
Tommy sits beside Lizzy. He speaks to camera.
TOMMY
It's a waste of your life, Rents, poisoning your body with that shite.
INT. RENTON FAMILY HOME, LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
Renton's father and mother sit at the table eating.
Renton is seated but not eating.
FATHER
Every chance you've ever had, you've blown it, stuffing your veins with that filth.
--------
INT. ELECTRICAL RETAILERS. DAY
Gav wears the corporate jacket.
GAV
Get off that stuff, Rents and get a job. It's not as bad as it looks. While you're here, you don't fancy buying a cooker, do you?
--------
INT. SWANNEY'S FLAT. DAY
Sick Boy and Spud lie drugged up. Allison and Baby wait while Swanney cooks up.
Renton is standing up.
RENTON
(v.o)
From time to time, even I have uttered the magic words.
SWANNEY
Are you serious?
RENTON
Yeah. No more. I'm finished with that shite.
SWANNEY
Well, it's up to you.
RENTON
I'm going to get it right this time. Going to get it set up and get off it for good.
SWANNEY
Sure, sure. I've heard it before.
RENTON
The Sick Boy method.
They both look at Sick Boy
SWANNEY
Yeah, well, it surely worked for him.
RENTON
He's always been lacking in moral fibre.
SWANNEY
He knows a lot about Sean Connery.
RENTON
That's hardly a substitute.
SWANNEY
you'll need one more hit.
RENTON
No, I don't think so.
SWANNEY
To see you through the night that lies ahead.
Freeze Frame on Swanney.
RENTON
(v.o)
We called him the mother superior on account of the length of his habit. He knew all about it. On it, off it, he knew it all. Of course I'd have another shot: after all, I had work to do.
INT. RENTON'S FLAT ROOM. DAY
The door opens and Renton enters carrying shopping bags. He empties them on to a mattress beside three buckets and a television.
RENTON
(v.o)
Relinquishing junk. Stage One: preparation. For this you will need: one room which you will not leave; one mattress; tomato soup, ten tins of; mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold; ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of; Magnesia, Milk of, one bottle; paracetamol; mouth wash; vitamins; mineral water; Lucozade; pornography; one bucket for urine, one for feces, and one for vomitus; one television; and one bottle of Valium, which I have already procured, from my mother, who is, in her own domestic and socially acceptable way, also a drug addict.
Renton swallows several Valium tablets. Voice-over continues.
And now I'm ready. All I need is a final hit to soothe the pain while the Valium takes effect.
--------
INT. SWANNEY'S FLAT. DAY
Swanney, Sick Boy, Spud and Allison and Baby all lie inert while the telephone rings.
--------
INT. CALL BOX. DAY
Renton curses as he slams down the receiver. He dials again.
RENTON
Mikey. It's Mark Renton. Can you help me out?
INT. MIKEY'S FLAT. DAY
Renton holds two opium suppositories in the palm of his hand.
RENTON
(v.o)
This was typical of Mikey Forrester.
(on screen)
What the fuck are these?
(v.o)
Under the normal run of things I would have had nothing to do with the cunt, but this was not the normal run of things.
MIKEY
Opium suppositories. Ideal for your purpose. Slow release, like. Bring you down gradually. Custom fucking designed for your needs.
RENTON
I want a fucking hit.
MIKEY
That's all I've got: take it or leave it.
Renton sticks his hand down the back of his trousers and sticks the suppositories into his rectum.
Feel better now?
RENTON
For all the good they've done me I might as well have stuck them up my arse.
He smiles.
Anal Vapors II
Part 1
Anal Vapors was bored. His life had fallen into a rut since
he had moved into his country home and discovered his inner self
through a series of laxatives which quickly turned his inner self
into his outer self. He regularly hunted for people to bring
back to his house for tortuous games, but even this, his favorite
pastime, seemed to bring him no joy. Even his broomstick, it's
flame so proud and domineering over vagina and anus seemed to
burn with a dim and subdued glow. He was even no longer
interested in the nipple collection he had thumbtacked on the
walls. Life had fallen into a rut, and it seemed that there was
no way out.
One day, while Anal Vapors was moping around the house,
occasionally stopping to suck feverish feces from the rats which
were threatening to overrun his home, he found an ancient book of
sorcery. He picked up the beshitted book and began to look
through it. As he leafed through the tattered pages, an idea
came to him.
"Holy buttfuck, Batman, this is it!" he told the orally
enemized rats. He sat down and continued to read. "'Yours is
the power over time, space, and man.' And women, children, and
beasts," he said.
Anal Vapors sat reading until well after dark. He learned
of spells and incantations which would transform objects into
various things. He turned to a rat, waved his hand and spoke, "O
powers that are great and heinous, turn this rat into an anus."
POOF! An anus which appeared to be that of a goat or horse now
lay in front of him. He looked at another rat and spoke, "O wind
which carries the mighty bird, turn this rat into a turd." POOF!
A loaf of giant proportions sat where the rat was. Anal Vapors
laughed and got up. The need to take a shit overpowered him, so
he ran to the bathroom, carrying the book with him.
As Anal Vapors sat and shat, he continued reading. He came
to a section which greatly interested him. Fortunately, the
incantation required the sorcerer to be "purging the bowels" for
it to work. Anal Vapors began to recite, "Powers that be, great
and small, stop jerking off and heed my call...."
Suddenly, he was interrupted by a rushing wind which picked
him up and slammed him against the ceiling and dropped him. He
fell back on the toilet and then slid off, causing the giant loaf
looming halfway out of his anus to smear up his back. A giant
face appeared above him.
"You dare profane powers beyond your imagination!" the face
boomed. "The scrolls require the spoken incantation to rhyme,
not offend. You must be punished!" The face emitted a
thunderous belch which cracked the walls and warped the floor.
Strings of greenish saliva flowed onto Anal Vapors' body and
began to eat into his flesh. The foul belch wind blinded him and
rendered him virtually helpless. He rolled onto his stomach, and
with the last of his strength, squeezed out a rancid fart.
Brown, shit pellet-filled foam splattered the face, causing it to
wrinkle.
"Very well!" the face bellowed. "You may live." In an
instant, Anal Vapors was seated on the toilet, enjoying his dump.
The face was now on an old man standing in front of him, leaning
on a staff. He looked older than the book, or time itself. He
motioned toward Anal Vapors, and the book floated through the air
to him. He grabbed the book and watched Anal Vapors for a few
more moments before speaking. "You really are a vulgar beast. I
did not believe it when the others told me of your previous
sorceries with this book, but now I have no doubt. This book
binds powers that rule the universe. It is not to be used for
such trivial creations. Now, tell me, what were you going to
accomplish with that last foolish ranting?"
"I was going to travel back in time a few million years and
rape and pillage the dinosaurs. Then I was going to..."
"Enough!" the old man interrupted. "You are much too
foolish to keep this book. The one who had it before you feared
it too much to use it, but you do not have such wisdom. However,
since you did take possession of the book, you are entitled to
discover its power for yourself. Considering this, I am going to
grant a portion of your last request, and in return for granting
you your life, I am keeping this book. I am going to send you
back to the times in which this book was written. You will be
free to do as you wish when you get there, but be warned, people
there will not be as tolerable as they are now. When you wish to
return to this time, you will have to go on a quest which will be
revealed to you at that time." As Anal Vapors watched, the old
man waved his staff at him and mumbled something. Suddenly, a
suctioning force from inside the toilet yanked the turd Anal
Vapors had been fighting out of his anus. Anal Vapors tried to
get off the toilet, but the suction was too great. He looked at
the old man, who was standing with his arms folded and a
satisfied smile on his face, in time to see him lift one leg and
let out a thundering fart. Before his eyes, the old man
dissolved into a wisp of brown fartgas which seeped through
cracks in the floor and was gone. Anal Vapors continued to
struggle against the toilet which now held him prisoner. Then
the toilet began to grow. Soon the hole in the seat became too
large for him to cover with his ass, so he lost his hold on the
slippery porcelain and fell in.
He went under and bobbed back up. He grabbed his giant
turd, which was now the size of a torpedo, and held on to stay
afloat. The interior of the toilet was now a raging whirlpool
swirling around in a flushing motion. Anal Vapors held on to the
turd for dear life afloat in a sea which resembled Cracker Jacks
suspended in honey. As Anal Vapors swirled around with
increasing speed, he looked up and saw his ceiling far above.
Then the toilet lid slammed down as its contents flushed out and
everything went black.
That is such a classic. I'm stealing it to read at the next poetry reading...
jred
I'm not a mechanic but I play one in my garage...
The Beaver Meets the Horse
Once upon a time, in the small town of Mayfield, there lived
a young man-child named Beaver Cleaver. Beaver, like all
children, was a curious little cuss, and liked to get into ALL sorts
of trouble. One day, the circus came to town. Beaver was
ecstatic. He saved up his allowance for three whole weeks in order
to gain admission to this wondrous attraction. Of course his
mother made sure that Beaver would stay out of trouble, she sent
his older brother Wally along as a chaperon. So Wally and Beav
were off to the circus...
Upon their arrival, the brothers met up with two of Beaver's school chums, Larry Mondello and Gilbert Smith. They saw all of the main attractions and visited many of the sideshow stands. They were having a very good time until they came upon a secluded tent which had a sign in front of it which read:
"Quarantined!! Rabid Horse"
"Gosh guys, I think we should skip this one," Wally proclaimed in that whiny older brother voice that he always used when he wanted everyone to follow him. "Ahh, come on Wally," complained Larry, "You're not CHICKEN are ya?"
"Yeah Wally, You're not a CHICKEN!" Gilbert exclaimed.
"That it'd be just awful if you were a chicken cause I'd hate to
have to go to school and tell everyone that you were afraid of a
horse!"
Wally sighed.
Beaver began to plead, "Come on Wally let's go see the horse, come on. It'll be fun. No one will know." "Beaver you know dad would have our hides if he found out we snuck into a quarantined tent at the Circus," Wally rebuked. "Let's get outta here."
"You are a chicken Wally," Gilbert said, "my dad would
probably molest me again if he found out that I snuck into this
tent, but I'm game!"
Larry jumped in excitedly, "My dad would do me too! One
time my sister snuck into the movies and my dad found out. Me
and mom could hear her screaming from down in the basement all
night long. I wouldn't mind a night in the basement with pop if
I could get a look at that nifty rabid horse!"
"Yeah Wally, Dad isn't gonna find out. Besides, he hasn't
laid a hand on you since that time he caught you with the
National Geographics in the tool shed."
"Don't bring that up again Beaver! And besides, whether he
found out or not, it's still wrong! Now I'm leaving. Is anyone
coming or not."
Everyone was silent for a moment.
"I'm staying," said Larry.
"Me too," said Gilbert, "I'm gonna get me a look at that
horse!"
Wally looked at Beave.
"Gee Wally," said Beaver quietly, "I, I'm staying too."
"Suit yourself Beave, but don't say I didn't try and warn
you."
With that Wally turned and left the three youths standing alone in front of the isolated tent.
"Come on guys, let's see that horse!" Larry exclaimed. Before they could answer he was under the tent. "Gee Gilbert, I don't know if this is such a good idea afterall."
"Aw, come on Beave don't pussy out on us now! What could
happen?"
"I guess you're right, Let's go."
And with that, they slipped under the tent.
The three boys stood in a dark, damp, makeshift stall. There was an unrecognizable, yet familiar smell in the air. Before them stood a giant 7 foot tall stallion. It's coat was as pale as bone and it snorted and barred it's square, yellow teeth at their presence. It began to buck, but it's motion was impeded by a set of heavy iron chains. The boys were awe struck. They began to back away as the horse reared, but their curiosity outweighed their fear and they stood fast. The horse became calm after a minute or two and they approached it slowly. They gently petted it's snout and stroked it's long mane.
"Why do you think that they quarantined this horse Beave?"
asked Larry.
"I don't know Larry."
"Maybe it's got rabies?" said Gilbert, "The sign said it
was rapid?"
"I don't have rabies!" the horse said casually.
All of the boys jumped back in amazement.
"He talked Beave, he really talked!!" Larry exclaimed. "I
heard him! I heard him!"
"This is no ordinary horse!!" Gilbert said with a delighted
smile.
"That's right," the horse said "I am NOT an ordinary horse!
I can speak and read just like you."
"Wait a minute," Beave said, "I heard about you. Aren't
you..."
"Mr. Ed, that's right, that's me."
"Then why are you all chained up? What happened to Wilbur?"
The horse began to explain. "Well it's like this. I was framed you see. That damn Francis the Talking Mule set me up. I was in my stable, minding my own business, when I heard screams coming from the house. When I got to the house, to my horror I found Wilbur and Daisy both mangled and molested beyond recognition and Francis was standing over them grinning like some kind
of evil demon!"
"Gosh Mister Ed! That's terrible. What happened then?"
"Well, Francis overpowered me and knocked me unconscious.
The Police found me next to Wilbur and his wife and you know the
rest. They stuck me in this lousy circus cause they have no
where else to put me."
The horse began to sob.
"Ahh gee whiz Mr. Ed, don't cry come on don't cry."
"Yeah Mr. Ed, It'll be ok," Gilbert said "we'll get you
outta here!"
"It'll be real swell Mr. Ed," Larry said. "You can come
stay at my house after we break you out of here!"
"I, I don't know if that is such a good idea fellas?" Beaver
stuttered. "I mean he is locked up and all."
The horse began to cry some more.
"Look what you gone and done Beave! Can't you see that the
horse is in a jam! He's innocent! I know he is!" Larry bawled.
"Yeah Beav! We gotta get him outta here!" Gilbert retorted.
"Please boys, help an old horse out will ya?"
"O-, Ok" Beave stuttered. "I guess it'll be ok."
"Thanks Beaver, you're a good boy, in fact, when you let me
out of these chains, I'll give you each a RIDE!"
"That'd be REAL SWELL Mr. Ed! Thanks."
"Yeah thanks Mr. Ed."
"No problem boys, now help me outta these chains."
The boys began to loosen the bonds that held Mr. Ed. It
was hard at first, but after a little work, Mr. Ed was free!
"Thanks so much boys! It feels so great to be free again."
"I'll bet," Larry said.
"And how," Gilbert agreed.
Beaver was silent.
"Now, we need an escape route. Beaver go outside and keep
watch. Gilbert and Larry will stay here and help make up a
plan."
Beaver left the tent quickly. He was feeling a little nervous about the whole ordeal. His stomach turned wildly. He didn't know if he could trust the horse. After a while Beave began to get edgy. He wondered what was taking them so long? He wanted to just take off, but he couldn't leave his friends. All of a sudden Beave heard a high shrilled scream from within the tent! It sounded like Gilbert! What was going on?!!? He ran inside the tent only find a scene more horrid than he imagined...
On the ground before him lay Gilbert covered in feces. He
was dazed, but conscious. Larry was in far more worse state.
Mr. Ed had mounted Larry Mondello. His giant horse cock was
shoved far up the young boys anus! Beaver felt a wave of terror
sweep over him. The horse was grunting furiously as he jammed
his phallus farther into the child. Larry's small white cheeks
spread further and further apart as the horse continued his deep
penetrating thrusts. Larry's fists clenched the wet ground
before him. His face contorted into a terrible mask of fear and
pain. His teeth bit hard against one another, but every thrust
by the horse's relentless penis made him yelp and squeal.
Beaver helped Gilbert off the ground. With the detachment
of a cripple, they watched as the horse raped their friend.
"Golly Gilbert! What happened?!?" yelled Beaver.
"The horse lied to us! He told us that he was going to show
us a neat trick he learned in the circus! He told Gilbert to take
off his pants and get down on all fours. Then he told me to come
over and rub his dick."
"What'd ya go and do that for Gilbert?!?"
"I didn't know any better, and besides how was I supposed to
know that the horse was a psychopathic rapist! Anyway Larry
thought it was a neat idea."
"Yeah, real neat idea," mocked Beaver, "look at him now
Gilbert, I bet he doesn't think that it's a real neat idea now."
"I'll say."
The horse was undulating furiously. Faster than before.
Larry began to scream.
"Help me! Help me Beave! It hurts! It hurts REAL BAD!"
"I don't know about you Beave," exclaimed Gilbert, "But I'm
getting outta here!"
"You'll do no such thing you weasel Gilbert!" yelled Beaver.
"You helped get us into this, now you're gonna help get us out."
The two boys began to approach the throbbing beast. Mr. Ed
was far too involved to notice the boys. They were about to
spring on the horse when something very bizarre happened! The
horse began to whinny an stomp it's front hooves. Larry was
almost lifted off the ground! Just then, Larry made a sound that
none of them had heard before. It was a terrible ripping sound,
not unlike that of raw meat being torn in half. It was the sound
of Larry's anus rupturing around Mr. Ed's mammoth penis! Larry's
eyes rolled back and he became a motionless pile of child swaying
on the beast's dick. Mr. Ed then proceeded to come. And boy
did he come!! Larry Mondello practically shot off the horses
member! Semen sprayed everywhere! Beaver and Gilbert fell back in
disgust. It was a sight neither of them would forget for a long
time. Cum and blood flowed from their friends ass as the
stallion shimmied and shook himself free of the lifeless kid.
"Ohhhh, that felt good!" Mr. Ed exclaimed.
"Jesus Christ Beaver!" Gilbert shouted, "did you see that!
I don't know about you, but I'm getting the Hell outta here!"
"Wait Gilbert, No!" Beaver tried to stop his friend but it
was too late! Before he could grab him, Gilbert was running for
the exit.
"Not so fast Gilbert!" Mr. Ed exclaimed, "I've got
something special for you!!" The horse galloped quickly between
Gilbert and the egress.
Gilbert's retreat was blocked and he had no where to turn.
"No, Mr. Ed, Please! For Godsakes! No!!!" Gilbert shouted. But
alas it was all in vain. Mr. Ed would show no mercy.
"You've been a very bad little boy Gilbert. I'm gonna have
to punish you now!" Mr. Ed said sternly. And with that the
horse darted quickly for Gilbert's groin.
CHOMP! Gilbert screamed wildly, flailing his arms in a most
agonizing fashion. Mr. Ed bit squarely into his genitals.
Blood spurted everywhere.
Beaver almost fainted at the site of his longtime friend
being lifted high into the air by the balls. He had read about
this kind of thing happening in newsgroups, but never actually
thought that any of it was true. Boy, was he wrong.
As Beaver squirmed within himself, Gilbert flailed violently
while his gonads were pulverized in the mouth of his captor. For
a brief moment their eyes met. The ghost white bulbs of mister
Ed peered past the tiny blood stained face of Gilbert and into
his desperate eyes. At that moment Gilbert could have sworn that
he heard a soft, yet somehow terrifying, whinny of a laugh gurgle
out of Mr. Ed's mouth.
Mr. Ed began to turn in circles. His hooves began to move
faster and faster until he could almost no longer maintain his
balance. Round and round they went, like some sick carnival ride
that was desperately out of control. As they spun, Gilbert's
back arched farther and farther. The speed of the turns forced
Gilbert's weak hands from the snout deep in his groin helplessly
into the air behind his head. The siren of Gilbert's scream
wailed in Beaver's ears as he watched the pair in sheer horror.
Suddenly mister Ed stopped. There was a curt ripping sound to be
heard as Gilbert flew across the room. Beaver let his eye's
follow his friend's body through the air and into a small pile of
hay. Gilbert twitched once, and then lay still. Beaver looked
up slowly only to find Mr. Ed starring at him wild eyed. His
mouth opened and bloody mass of flesh and cloth fell casually.
Beaver almost vomited at the site Gilbert's wrinkled penis on the
ground before him.
Mr. Ed spoke excitedly, "Youuurrrr next Beaver!"
At those words, Beaver's disgust transformed entirely into
fear. Mr. Ed began to approach him. Beaver backed away slowly.
He wanted to run but there was no where to turn. Mr. Ed's
bloody jowls foamed at the anticipation of the young boy's flesh!
Beaver began to plead with the horse.
"No Mr. Ed, please please don't hurt me...I, I won't tell
anyone, honest Mr. Ed, just don't molest me!"
"Oh, Beaver," the horse said as he approached the young
child, "We'll have a good time together. You'll see. I'm sure
you are going to last muuuuuch longer than your friends! They
were very good, but they didn't have much stamina!"
Beaver saw the horses erect cock peek out from within the
wrinkled foreskin. The horse whinnied in an excited tone as it
reared. Terrified, Beaver tripped and fell. He began to scream
as Mr. Ed rushed him, but the boy's scream was quickly muted by
the horses dick which plunged deep into his gaping mouth!
Beaver was helpless. Pinned beneath the swaying beast, he
could do nothing to alter the situation. The horses moist penis
gyrated smoothly in Beaver's tiny mouth. Beaver could think of
nothing except the thought of the taste of Larry's anus and the
horses dick mingling together inside his mouth. It was getting
harder for Beaver to breath, and he didn't think he could last
until the Mr. Ed came. Boy was dad gonna be mad. "If only I
had listened to Wally," he thought as the horse thrusted deeper.
Just then Wally ran into the tent. He first caught a
glimpse of Larry Mondello's half naked, motionless body lying in
the center of the stall. Then he saw the Beave squirming beneath
the undulating horse. "I knew something crazy like this was
gonna happen!" Wally said to himself. He cocked the shot gun
that he had brought with him and charged at Mr. Ed.
With the prowess of a high school track star, Wally ran
across the stall and shoved the barrel of the shotgun far into
the horses ass. Mr. Ed's head jerked up quickly and he turned
to look at the new plaything Wally had brought him. "Hmmmmm, it
looks like we have a new friend Beaver!" Mr. Ed was preparing
to kick Wally with his hind legs when he pulled the trigger.
Mr. Ed jerked abruptly forward. There was one last thrust
inside Beaver's mouth and then the horse fell over on it's side.
Beaver scrambled to his feet quickly.
"You okay Beave?"
"Yeah, Wally, I'm okay," he said as he wiped his mouth
casually.
"That was a close one huh?"
"And How Wally! Thanks for saving me!"
"Aw, don't go getting mushy on me Beave. Any how, I kinda
figured it was my fault for letting you stay in the tent. Let's
go check Larry. They quietly walked over to their friends body.
"I-, Is he dead Wally?"
Wally felt Larry's cold neck. "Yeah I think he is Beave."
"Wh-, What are we gonna do Wally?"
Wally stared thoughtfully at the corpse. "Aw Beav I don't
know," he said timidly, "I mean we can't just go and tell Mrs.
Mondello that her son got raped to death by a rabid horse at the
circus!"
"Yeah I guess you're right Wally, Larry's Mom would be kind
of sore at us."
"And how Beave," Wally said. "Where's Gilbert?"
Beaver motioned to a pile of bloody hay in the corner.
"He's over there Wally."
The pair sauntered over to their wounded friend. His body
writhed in the hay as blood flowed from his torn groin.
"Gee Wally, Gilbert doesn't look so good," Beaver said.
"He sure doesn't Beave, I don't think he's gonna last anoth-
er hour if we don't get him to a doctor or something."
Gilbert began to regain consciousness. "Beaver, Wally- oh,
ah, wha- what happened?" Gilbert whispered weakly.
"Your dick got bit off by that horse Gilbert!" Beaver said
excitedly, "Larry got reamed real hard don't ya remember and
then-"
"Aw, spare the poor guy the details Beav. Can't ya see that
Gilbert's dying here?"
Gilbert sounded alarmed, "Dying?!? No way I'm gonna die
just because some psychotic horse bit off my penis!" He tried to
get up but fell back into the hay. "Hey guys I can't move my
legs!"
"Is that bad that he can't move his legs Wally?" Beaver
questioned.
"I'll say it is," Wally replied. "Your back's probably
broke or something. You might be paralyzed from the waist down."
"What's 'paralyzed' mean Wally?" Beave asked curiously.
"It means that Gilbert's a goner whether he lives or not."
"Don't say that Wally!" Gilbert exclaimed, "Come on fellas,
get me outta here!"
"Nothing doing Gilbert," Wally retorted, "You really goofed
up this time and the Beaver and I aren't gonna take the heat for
it." And with that Wally began to cover Gilbert up with hay.
"Wait a minute!" Gilbert began to scream, "You guys can't
just leave me here! Beaver you're my best friend! How can you
do this!"
"You're only my best friend because Larry's over there dead
and anyway, even if you were my best friend Wally's still my
brother and I have to listen to what he says cause he knows
what's right. He's in high school ya know," Beaver explained.
Gilbert began, "I know but-"
"Aw would ya knock it off Gilbert," Wally interrupted, "Kick
him in the head or something would ya Beave."
"O-, Okay Wally," Beaver said "I'm real sorry about this
Gilbert."
"I bet you're real sorry Beave, some best friend you turned
out to be," Gilbert replied.
Beaver gave Gilbert a quick kick to his right temple, knock-
ing him unconscious instantly.
They finished covering up Gilbert and then dragged Larry's
body to a corner and covered him up hurriedly.
After they were done with their morbid task, Beaver turned
to his brother. "What now Wally?"
"Well Beave, the way I see it, eventually someone is gonna
find this mess. And when they do, they are gonna start asking
some questions."
"What kinda questions are they gonna be asking Wally?"
"Don't worry about that right now Beave. The point is that
they are and they are gonna want to know who's responsible. And
right now, that's me and you," Wally continued. "So this is what
we are gonna do. Ya see this Beave?"
Wally pulled out a worn baseball cap with the initials E.H.
sewn into the bill.
"Yeah I see it Wally. How's it gonna help us?" Beave asked
a bit confused.
"This Eddie Haskel's old cap Beave!" Wally exclaimed.
Beaver's face lit up as a wave of comprehension swept over him.
"We are gonna leave this here and when the fuzz gets here,
they'll have a nice clue waiting for them."
"Boy you sure are smart Wally!" Beave exclaimed giving his
brother a unprecedented hug.
"Enough already Beave," Wally said with usual modesty. He
threw the hat next to the dead horse. "Now let's get outta
here."
The pair exited the tent silently. Not much was said on the
way home, but Beave eventually broke the silence.
"Wally what's gonna happen when the police ask that rat
Eddie where he was today?"
A smirk broke over Wally's face. "Well Beave, when I left
you guys I ran into Eddie at the ferris wheel. He was with
Lumpy. They wanted me to go down to Fischer's Pond with them and
jack off."
"No foolin Wally?"
"No foolin Beave. Anyway, I told him that I wasn't into that
group masturbation thing. And them they left. The way I see it,
no matter what happens, Eddie would rather go to jail than con-
fess to jacking off with Lumpy Rutherford."
"That's a real swell plan Wally!!"
"Thanks Beave."
Beave was silent for a moment. "Y-Y-You're not gonna tell
Mom or Dad about this are ya Wally?"
"Are you kidding Beaver?!?! If I told Dad about this he'd
make me go down to the police station and turn myself in! And if
I told Mom, she would just probably die or something!"
"I guess you're right Wally."
Shortly they arrived home. Before they entered Beave ques-
tioned Wally: "How do I look?"
Wally looked him over and brushed some hay off his brother.
"You look fine Beave, but just don't breathe on Mom, you've got
horse cum on your breath."
Beaver tried to smell himself. "Thanks again Wally."
"Sure Beave, anytime, that's what brothers are for right?"
Beaver smiled, "Right Wally."
And with that the two entered their home.
--
Somewhere along the line, this poor bastard must have thought he could make an impact in the world. Now he's just a jaded fuck.
What's really funny is that you notonly take the time to write these posts, you make sure you can find them later by putting jumbles like tsarkon in the subject. You must really enjoy reading your shit over and over again. We should all bow before your 1337 skilz
T Money
World Domination with a plastic spoon since 1984
ummm. he probably does that so it easy to find idiots like you who bite at the trolls. looks like you've been trolled so bad you are flopping around on the bottom of the boat.
Anal Vapors II Part 1 Anal Vapors was bored. His life had fallen into a rut since he had moved into his country home and discovered his inner self through a series of laxatives which quickly turned his inner self into his outer self. He regularly hunted for people to bring back to his house for tortuous games, but even this, his favorite pastime, seemed to bring him no joy. Even his broomstick, it's flame so proud and domineering over vagina and anus seemed to burn with a dim and subdued glow. He was even no longer interested in the nipple collection he had thumbtacked on the walls. Life had fallen into a rut, and it seemed that there was no way out. One day, while Anal Vapors was moping around the house, occasionally stopping to suck feverish feces from the rats which were threatening to overrun his home, he found an ancient book of sorcery. He picked up the beshitted book and began to look through it. As he leafed through the tattered pages, an idea came to him. "Holy buttfuck, Batman, this is it!" he told the orally enemized rats. He sat down and continued to read. "'Yours is the power over time, space, and man. 'And women, children, and beasts," he said. Anal Vapors sat reading until well after dark. He learned of spells and incantations which would transform objects into various things. He turned to a rat, waved his hand and spoke, "O powers that are great and heinous, turn this rat into an anus. " POOF!An anus which appeared to be that of a goat or horse now lay in front of him. He looked at another rat and spoke, "O wind which carries the mighty bird, turn this rat into a turd. "POOF! A loaf of giant proportions sat where the rat was. Anal Vapors laughed and got up. The need to take a shit overpowered him, so he ran to the bathroom, carrying the book with him. As Anal Vapors sat and shat, he continued reading. He came to a section which greatly interested him. Fortunately, the incantation required the sorcerer to be "purging the bowels" for it to work. Anal Vapors began to recite, "Powers that be, great and small, stop jerking off and heed my call. . . . " Suddenly, he was interrupted by a rushing wind which picked him up and slammed him against the ceiling and dropped him. He fell back on the toilet and then slid off, causing the giant loaf looming halfway out of his anus to smear up his back. A giant face appeared above him. "You dare profane powers beyond your imagination!" the face boomed. "The scrolls require the spoken incantation to rhyme, not offend. You must be punished!"The face emitted a thunderous belch which cracked the walls and warped the floor. Strings of greenish saliva flowed onto Anal Vapors' body and began to eat into his flesh. The foul belch wind blinded him and rendered him virtually helpless. He rolled onto his stomach, and with the last of his strength, squeezed out a rancid fart. Brown, shit pellet-filled foam splattered the face, causing it to wrinkle. "Very well!" the face bellowed. "You may live. "In an instant, Anal Vapors was seated on the toilet, enjoying his dump. The face was now on an old man standing in front of him, leaning on a staff. He looked older than the book, or time itself. He motioned toward Anal Vapors, and the book floated through the air to him. He grabbed the book and watched Anal Vapors for a few more moments before speaking. "You really are a vulgar beast. I did not believe it when the others told me of your previous sorceries with this book, but now I have no doubt. This book binds powers that rule the universe. It is not to be used for such trivial creations. Now, tell me, what were you going to accomplish with that last foolish ranting?" "I was going to travel back in time a few million years and rape and pillage the dinosaurs. Then I was going to. . . " "Enough!" the old man interrupted. "You are much too foolish to keep this book. The one who had it before you feared it too much to use it, but you do not have such wisdom. However, since you did take possession of the book, you are entitled to discover its power for yourself. Considering this, I am going to grant a portion of your last request, and in return for granting you your life, I am keeping this book. I am going to send you back to the times in which this book was written. You will be free to do as you wish when you get there, but be warned, people there will not be as tolerable as they are now. When you wish to return to this time, you will have to go on a quest which will be revealed to you at that time. "As Anal Vapors watched, the old man waved his staff at him and mumbled something. Suddenly, a suctioning force from inside the toilet yanked the turd Anal Vapors had been fighting out of his anus. Anal Vapors tried to get off the toilet, but the suction was too great. He looked at the old man, who was standing with his arms folded and a satisfied smile on his face, in time to see him lift one leg and let out a thundering fart. Before his eyes, the old man dissolved into a wisp of brown fartgas which seeped through cracks in the floor and was gone. Anal Vapors continued to struggle against the toilet which now held him prisoner. Then the toilet began to grow. Soon the hole in the seat became too large for him to cover with his ass, so he lost his hold on the slippery porcelain and fell in. He went under and bobbed back up. He grabbed his giant turd, which was now the size of a torpedo, and held on to stay afloat. The interior of the toilet was now a raging whirlpool swirling around in a flushing motion. Anal Vapors held on to the turd for dear life afloat in a sea which resembled Cracker Jacks suspended in honey. As Anal Vapors swirled around with increasing speed, he looked up and saw his ceiling far above. Then the toilet lid slammed down as its contents flushed out and everything went black. Anal Vapors II Part 2 Anal Vapors woke up in the middle of a field. He stood up and looked around. A castle stood at the far edge of the field. Beyond that, mountains loomed in the distance. "I believe you have forgotten something," said a voice behind him. Anal Vapors turned to find the old man holding an object out to him. It was his broomstick, his most valued instrument of torture. He took it, and before he could speak, the old man lifted his leg, farted, and was gone. The only evidence that he was there at all was a shroud of fartgas which quickly dissipated in the gentle breeze. Anal Vapors started walking toward the castle since it seemed to be the nearest landmark. Soon, he came to a road which was heading in the general direction he was going, so he followed it. The castle was farther off than it had appeared at first, so progress was slow. Finally, he reached a fork where the main road bent left and a path leading directly to the castle was on the right. Anal Vapors took the path, and a short time later he arrived at the castle. The castle appeared to be abandoned. The drawbridge was down, but it was almost rotted completely away. The moat had gone dry, and Anal Vapors could see skeletons embedded in the mud. The outer wall had started to crumble, and plants had begun growing out of the cracks. As Anal Vapors looked around, he could see that the main road led to a village not too far away. He decided to check out the village before attempting to explore the castle. On the way to the village, Anal Vapors found a dead dog lying by the road. It had been a large dog in life, and in death, its body was bloated to twice its normal size. Its skin pulsated slightly, indicating that a mass of maggots were churning away inside, and a foul smelling discharge was coming out of its mouth. When Anal Vapors nudged it in the stomach with his foot, the rotten skin gave away, and his boot sank into the soft interior. When he removed his foot, fetid intestines covered with maggots oozed out. Realizing he was hungry, Anal Vapors bent down and grabbed a handful of throbbing entrails and stuffed it into his mouth. It was delicious; the guts melted in his mouth. He quickly went about gobbling up the rest of the carcass. The decaying flesh came apart easily as he tore into the juicy interior. "You got enough of that to share?" inquired an unfamiliar voice behind him. Anal Vapors turned to see a short black man standing nearby looking at him. He had a small flock of sheep a short distance away. "I don't know," Anal Vapors replied. He pointed to the sheep. "You got some of that to share?" The man laughed. "I know what you mean. Good pussy's hard to find these days. Not that I have to worry. I could maybe fix you up in return for some food. " "I could live with that," Anal Vapors said. He thrust his hand into the dog and pulled out a lung with the heart and trachea attached and tossed it to him. "By the way, I'm Horace. Friends call me Rod the Sheep Reamer. Who are you?" Anal Vapors stopped chewing on the piece of dog bladder he was eating and looked at the man. "You want to know or stay alive?" he asked. "I'll live," the man replied nervously. He reached over and pulled off a dog leg and they ate in silence. After the meal, the man led Anal Vapors to his flock. "Pick out whichever one you want," he said. "I got young virgin wool and old loose wool you can crawl inside of. "He walked over to a young ewe. "This one here's my baby. "In a flash, he had his pants down and off. "I'm gonna break her seal. "He went behind the sheep and thrusted his stiffened love club home. Blood burst out of the sheep's vagina as her cherry popped. Anal Vapors watched him service the sheep until climax time, at which he fired a jizz stream onto the beast's hindquarters. He took the tattered sheep hymen and stuffed it into his mouth, looked over at Anal Vapors, and said, "Your turn. " Anal Vapors looked over the flock until he found a sheep that looked desirable. He walked over to the sheep and straddled it in a reverse riding position. Then he took his sandpaper-coated broomstick and rammed it half its length into the sheep's anus. The sheep cried out in pain and tried to get away, but Anal Vapors pressed his knees together to hold it in place. He began to undulate with the stick, ramming it farther in each time. Soon, he was using the entire length of the broomstick. The sheep died a short time later, but Anal Vapors held it upright between his legs and kept plugging away. Finally, when Anal Vapors was finished, he allowed the dead sheep to fall down. He removed his broomstick from the sheep's gored anus and knelt down and stuck his arm in up to just past the elbow. He pulled out the stomach with a short length of intestine. He put the end of the intestine in his mouth and squeezed the stomach and drank deeply of its contents. When finished, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and said, "Sex always makes me thirsty. " The man, stunned by what he had just witnessed, started to gather his remaining sheep and move on quietly. Anal Vapors turned and started walking toward the village. "Hey mister," the man called. "Don't go there. It's poison. "Anal Vapors did not turn around and kept walking, so the man shrugged his shoulders, finished gathering his sheep, and started in a different direction, thankful to be alive. When Anal Vapors first arrived at the village, it appeared to be deserted. Then, as he continued walking, he saw an old woman sitting beside a building. She was licking the sores on a mangy dog. When she looked up and saw Anal Vapors, she smiled and winked and started licking a polyp on the dog's anus. As Anal Vapors continued through the village, he saw out of the corner of his eyes people watching him through windows and doorways. Neither he nor they spoke. He saw smoke rising behind one building and went around to investigate. He found a large pit which appeared to be used for burning bodies. He decided that it would be best to go back to the castle at least for a while to wait for another pile of bodies to build up. Then he would be back. He arrived back at the castle as the sun was setting. He carefully crossed the rotten drawbridge and was inside. In the gloomy, cobweb-filled interior, he could make out several sets of fresh footprints in the dust. Very good, he thought. At least there was a food supply here. He found his way up to the top level and stood watching the night approach. This place wasn't so bad. He would wait to explore the castle until morning, so he laid down and was soon asleep. The next morning, Anal Vapors woke up refreshed and ready to explore the castle. He got up and walked over to the wall and watered the vegetation below. After he was finished, he grabbed his broomstick and headed inside to look around. Some portions of the castle had deteriorated badly. Anal Vapors found several hallways which were blocked due to collapsed walls and ceilings. One such blockage was found at the stairway which led to the lower dungeon. This disappointed Anal Vapors, since he wanted to see what instruments of torture were on hand. In another collapsed section, he saw a skeletal hand poking out of the rubble. As he stood looking at the wreckage, he heard a noise behind him. He whirled around, swinging his broomstick, and struck a boy in the side of the head. The boy fell against the wall with blood pouring out of a cut above his temple. Anal Vapors grabbed the boy by the hair and jerked him to his feet. "Who are you?" he yelled into the boy's face. When the boy did not answer, Anal Vapors slapped him. "Talk to me, boy or I'll be eating your eyeballs after I slam you up the ass with this. "He held his broomstick up for the boy to see. The boy still did not speak, however. Instead he pointed to his throat and shook his head. "Can't talk eh?Well let's see if you can scream when I check if your asshole will accommodate my fist. " He pulled the boy over to a pile of rubble, sat down, and put the boy over his knee. He was fumbling with the boy's pants when a rock hit him in the head, temporarily stunning him. "Run!" another child yelled. The boy got of Anal Vapors' lap and ran. Anal Vapors came to in time to see him disappear around a corner. "I'll have your spleen, you little shit!"Anal Vapors got up and ran after the boy. He followed the boy through several hallways, down a short flight of stairs, and into a room where there was no other exit. "Come here, I want to show you something," he said as he approached the boy. Then something hit him in the back of the head, and everything went black again. Anal Vapors II Part 3 "Where do you think he came from?" "His clothes are not like any I have seen. " "Does he have the plague?" "I cannot tell, but we should kill him and burn him to be safe. Don't touch his skin. " Anal Vapors heard the discussion going on about him, but it sounded as if he was hearing it through a long tunnel. He had to be dreaming, since he could not move. Someone walked over and kicked him. "Wake up, beggar!" a man shouted as he kicked Anal Vapors. "We must talk. "Anal Vapors came around slowly, and when he was fully awake, he realized that he was tied up with some strong rope. He looked up and saw 6 people-1 boy, 1 girl, 2 men, and 2 women. The man who kicked him appeared to be the youngest. The boy he had hit now had a piece of cloth around his head. Anal Vapors still had a headache from being hit himself. The man pulled him up to a sitting position and moved him to where he could lean against the wall and see everyone. "Is it customary in your land to treat people so cruelly?" he asked. "Do you hit and abuse those you do not know or with whom you have no argument?" "Water. . . ," Anal Vapors replied. A bucket of water was dumped in his face. "You will answer our questions," the older man said. "We are trying to decide whether or not you should live. " "The little shit sneaked up on me. How did I know that he wasn't going to kill me?I was just protecting myself," Anal Vapors said. "But yet when you saw that it was just a boy behind you, you still tried to do him great harm. For that, you must be punished. " Anal Vapors smiled at them, shifted to one side, and let loose a mighty fart which was fully a minute in duration. Waves of shitstink emanated from his anus and penetrated every corner of the room. The fire in the fireplace died from lack of oxygen, and everyone in the room began to feel faint. First the women, and then the children fell over unconscious. Then Anal Vapors went over on his side. "Quick, son, let's get them out," croaked the older man while fighting back a bout of nausea. They dragged everyone except Anal Vapors out. "Let him rot in there," the man said when they were all clear. As soon as he was sure everybody was gone, Anal Vapors, unharmed by his own fartgas, opened his eyes. Using the wall behind him, he pushed himself to his feet and hopped over to a table, where a large knife was stuck. He sat down on the table and backed up to the knife. A short time later, his hands were free. He then took the knife and cut his leg ropes most of the way through. He put the knife back where he found it and hopped back to his place by the wall. He put his hands behind his back and laid back down and pretended to sleep. They were all going to get a surprise when they returned. "I think we can go back in now," said the older man an hour later. "It still stinks in there, but I want to go in and finish the business with him. I am not going to allow him to corrupt our home like that again. " Anal Vapors heard approaching footsteps, so he prepared to make his move when he got the opportunity. That opportunity came quickly. As soon as they entered the room, the younger man went directly over to Anal Vapors and grabbed his hair and pulled out a handful. "Wake up, you miserable beast. You. . . "He had leaned down to where his face was near Anal Vapors' own. In an instant, Anal Vapors had one hand behind the man's head, preventing escape. With the other hand, he poked his index finger one of the man's eyesockets and scooped out the eyeball. He placed his mouth over the empty eyesocket in a perverted kissing position and sucked out a mouthful of brain. The man, who was screaming, suddenly stopped and went limp. Anal Vapors put the eyeball in his mouth and chewed it up with the brain in his mouth. Then he walked over to the younger woman, who was watching him with wide-eyed disbelief, and spat the mixture into her face. The older man went for the knife on the table, but Anal Vapors caught the movement out of the corner of his eye. He grabbed the man, bit his nose off, and threw him against the wall, where he lay unconscious. He went over to the table, got the knife, and approached the women. "You bitches aren't going to try anything, now are you?" he said after spitting the nose out. "I hope not. That would spoil my plans for you. "The younger woman started screaming hysterically, so Anal Vapors slapped her. "You want to keep quiet, bitch. "He grabbed the girl. "And I'm going to teach you not to throw rocks. "He backed up from the group and lifted his leg in order to launch another oxygen-depriving fart. He delivered and stood back in the doorway, blocking any escape. A short time later, everyone in the room was unconscious from the vile stench of the fart. Anal Vapors went to work tying everyone up except the dead man. A short time later, the women and children woke up to find themselves naked and suspended by their hands from the ceiling. The dead man had not been moved, and the other man was laying on his back on the table with his hands and feet tied to the table legs. He was not awake yet, but already appeared to be having trouble breathing through the remains of his nose. Anal Vapors was nowhere to be seen. Anal Vapors was on the roof of the castle watching a nun riding a mule approaching the castle. He had come up here to look down on the village and try to see if bodies were still being burned in the pit. He had seen the nun leave town on the road and became extremely curious when she turned toward the castle. He headed downstairs thinking about how he would entertain this guest. Anal Vapors entered the room where he had his prisoners. He walked up to the younger woman. "A nun is coming here. Why?" The woman refused to answer. Instead, she spat in his face. Anal Vapors slapped her hard and said, "Let's see if I can loosen your tongue for now. "He reached over and grabbed the boy's genitals and twisted, causing him to moan. "Alright!Stop it. I'll talk," she said. "Sister Mary comes now and then to minister to us and give the children reading lessons. " "Don't you do her any harm," the old woman warned. "I wouldn't think of it," Anal Vapors replied as he left the room. He got to the front gateway just as the elderly nun was arriving at the drawbridge. She dismounted and tied her mule to a post and then crossed the bridge. She did not see Anal Vapors until she was all the way across and nearly bumped into him. "Oh!Hello. I didn't see you there," she said. "Why, hello sister. It is good to see you," Anal Vapors replied smiling. "I don't think I know you young man. You just move in with the Grogans?" "Who?. . . Oh yeah. . . The Grogans. Such a pleasant family. I am a cousin. Cousin Anal Vapors. " "What?I don't think I. . . " "Get in here, bitch!I am going to sprinkle you with some holy water. "Anal Vapors grabbed her and pulled her behind him as he went to a room in a different section of the castle than the one where the family was held. Once in the room, which had been a kitchen, he stripped her and hung her by her hands from a hook in the ceiling. Other objects in the room included an iron pump set in the floor and a giant bellows which was used to stoke the cooking fires. "I found this stuff just a little while ago, and I was going to save it for the others, but I think you are more deserving. "He took the bellows over to the pump and filled it with water. Then he inserted its foot-long nozzle into the woman's anus. "You're looking a bit irregular, but we'll fix that," he said. He started squeezing the bellows, forcing water into her rectum. She started to scream. "Oh, come on, baby. You know you want it. "He emptied the bellows and pulled it out to refill it. When he did, feces-ridden water gushed out of her anus. "Now we can't have that," he said. He picked up a broken table leg and used it to stop the flow, causing the nun to scream louder. He refilled his enema applicator and returned to continue the enema. Her belly, which had begun to distend during Round 1, bulged even further. Then, her screams were suddenly replaced by gurgles. Anal Vapors looked up in time to see her spit out a few bile-covered turds and then water. Some small turdlets poked out of her nose. Again, he had to stop and refill. This time he jammed in the buttplug, but instead of refilling immediately, he took a piece of her clothing and tied it around her head and under her chin, forcing her mouth shut. He refilled and went back to work. The turdlets shot out of her nose followed by more water. A short time later, the nun drowned and stopped resisting. When Anal Vapors stopped for the next refill, he took some pieces of cloth, wadded them up, and stuffed them into her nose to plug the leaks. Then he refilled and began Round 4. A few moments later, he could hear a low popping sound as her intestines burst under the pressure. Her stomach kept bulging further and began to take on a cone shape with her bellybutton at its peak. Finally, with a meaty plop, her navel split and water gushed through. Anal Vapors went around front and eagerly drank of the bloody water spraying from her ruptured abdomen. After the water fountain died down, he cut down her body down and peed on it because he felt it was the right thing to do. Anal Vapors II Part 4 The old woman was dead. The strain of the past few hours was too much for her. She had high blood pressure before, and the stress she felt on this day caused it to skyrocket. This, in turn, was too much for the delicate blood vessels in her bountiful crop of hemorrhoidal tissue. These blood vessels began bursting, one by one, until a profuse flow of blood coursed down her legs. After this started, it did not take her long to bleed to death. The remaining man, woman, and the children mourned her death the best they could under the circumstances. The low murmur of voices stopped when a blood spattered Anal Vapors entered the room. Without a word, Anal Vapors strode up to the table, climbed on it, dropped his pants, squatted over the man's face, and shat a steaming pile on it. The gooey feces were soft enough to cover the man's face, but not so runny that he could breathe. He could not shake the brown coating off, so he suffocated beneath it. Anal Vapors pulled up his pants when he was done and got off the table. Then he noticed the old woman's condition. "Hmmm. What a shame. Such a nice old hag," he lamented. He walked over to the fireplace and built up the fire. Then he took the knife out of his waistband and stuck the blade into the coals. He went behind the old woman and ripped off a chunk of hemorrhoidal tissue and then went over to the table and untied the man, holding his meal in his mouth as he did so. He pushed the body off the table and sat down and ate. The woman and children watched in horror. After Anal Vapors finished his dinner, he got up and walked over to the woman. He lightly ran his long dirty fingernails over her breasts and was surprised to see her nipples swell and harden. "Is baby looking for a special surprise?" Anal Vapors asked in a husky whisper. He took some ropes and tied them from her feet to rings in the floor. Then he went to his knees. He parted her pubic hairs with his thumbs and let his tongue do its magic. In a very short time, her clitoris was hard and throbbing. He continued his cunnilingual encounter until she was ready to be finished off. Then he reached over and grabbed the knife, its blade glowing bright red. He pressed the blade against her entire vulva, and the woman let out a piercing scream. The aroma of burning flesh and hair became overpowering as her skin beneath the knife fried and bubbled with blisters. When he removed the knife, her entire genital area was a raw bleeding mass of burnt flesh. He looked over at the children, who were trembling and crying, and smiled. "It's getting dark in here," he said. "I think we need to light a candle. "He went across the room and picked up a lamp. "These things just don't enough light though. "He approached the children and tied their feet down as he had done their mother. Then he opened the lamp and poured some oil into his cupped palm. He applied a generous amount of oil to the boy's genitals and said, "You're my candle, and I'm going to light your wick, and we'll see if you can't talk. "The mother and girl started begging him to stop. "The fun's only starting," he said and picked up a sliver of wood burning at one end. He held up the wood so everyone could see and then lit his candle. Instantly, the boy's screams joined those of his mother. His penis turned black and then split like a roasting hot dog. His bag overheated and exploded. The boy passed out from the pain, and a short time later, the candle burned out and its wick fell off like cigarette ash. Anal Vapors watched all this with amusement. "I knew he would talk if he had a reason," he said. When it was over, he said, "That's one thing I don't like about those candles. They don't last long. Oh well, now its your turn little missy. "He picked up his knife and made a cut all the way around the girls' leg at the ankle then he cut the skin up the back of her leg up to her buttock. Her cries of pain and agony were added to the woman's. He repeated this procedure with the other leg. Then he started to peel the skin from her legs. She also quickly passed out from the pain. He continued until both of her legs were completely skinned. He then sat down and waited for the children to wake up. A while later, the children regained consciousness. Once they did, they started crying and screaming from the pain. With their mother, they made a 3-piece crying/screaming symphony. Anal Vapors looked very happy. "Now, my friends, it's time for my closing act. "He got his broomstick from where it was standing in a corner and began to coat it with lamp oil. "This is my best friend," he said as he continued to coat it. "I am going to introduce each one of you to him. Who's first?"He turned an ear to their cries. "I think I'll start with you," he said indicating the boy. "You got me into this mess, and I want your mommy to watch you play with my friend. "When he was satisfied with the oil coating on the broomstick, he walked over to the fireplace and lit it. He took this torch, walked behind the boy and plunged his flaming arrow deep into enema territory. The boy, who was already screaming at the top of his lungs, was completely helpless. He screamed until his voice was gone and kept trying anyway. Anal Vapors' broomstick raged in and out of his anus. It burned and tore its way past all barriers, and all too soon, the boy was dead, with a huge bleeding stinking hole where his untampered anus had once been. Anal Vapors continued until the fire on his broomstick went out. "Who's next?" he asked. "I think it's your turn again, missy. I've even got something to make your playtime extra special. "He went over to a jar and opened it and took out 2 handfuls of salt. He went over to the girl and coated her legs with it, giving them their own fire. She continued screaming, since she had not stopped since she had woke up. Soon, her voice was gone and nothing came out but harsh whispers. Anal Vapors recoated his broomstick with oil and lit it. Then his anus-seeking missile found its target on the girl. He got so eager with his broomstick that he rammed it all the way through the girl and out her stomach. She died a short time later, but that did not stop Anal Vapors from working on her until his broomstick went out again. "You had some good kids there," Anal Vapors said to the woman. He grabbed one of her nipples and tore it off. He examined it for a moment and liked it so much that he tore her other nipple off. Nipples in hand, he went over to the boy's body and stuck them on his unseeing eyes. Then he coated his broomstick, lit it, and went to work on her already burned genitals. It took her a while to die. In fact, the broomstick's flame died before she did. Anal Vapors broomsticked her late into the night. When he finally finished, he laid down in the midst of all the human destruction and slept. . Anal Vapors II Part 5 The next morning, Anal Vapors woke up completely refreshed and hungry. He got up, scratched his balls, and then picked up his knife. After taking a moment to decide who he wanted for breakfast, he went over to where the little girls' body hung. He stuck the knife into her chest and made a deep cut down to her genitals. Chunks of partially clotted blood and remnants of devastated internal organs fell out and onto the floor. Anal Vapors scooped up various bits and pieces, including a length of intestine and sat down to have breakfast. He was pleased to see that flies were coming in to lay eggs on the bodies. That way, they would bloat and become havens for millions of maggots, which would be enough to keep him fed for a few weeks. After a satisfying breakfast, Anal Vapors got up and let out a nice long belch to relieve some of the pressure built up in his full stomach. Then he decided to give the town a better look, so he picked up his broomstick and walked outside. At the drawbridge entrance, he found the nun's mule still tied where she left it. Anal Vapors took his broomstick and rammed it into the mule's side since going for its anus would most likely result in a nasty kick. The mule brayed its protest and turned away from Anal Vapors and nearly took his head off with a kick. Enraged, Anal Vapors left the broomstick in the mule's side and pulled the knife. He proceeded to stab the mule numerous times until it died and fell over, at which time he started using his broomstick to stab it. Then he stomped it, jumped on it, and rolled around in the gory mess, all the time snarling like a rabid dog. Finally, when he tired of this game, he picked up his knife and broomstick and headed for town. At first glance, the town appeared to be deserted as before. However, some signs of life were seen as Anal Vapors walked past some of the buildings. The old woman he saw before was at the same place , still licking her dog's mange sores. This time, the dog's flesh appeared to be rotting and hanging down in gangrenous tatters. In these places, a thick syrupy greenish brown pustulant discharge flowed freely, and the woman was doing her best to keep all of it licked off the dog. As Anal Vapors walked by, she looked at him, and he could see that her face was also starting to rot and peel. He kept walking and headed in the direction of the burial pit. On the way to the pit, severe abdominal cramps struck Anal Vapors. He recognized this as the familiar signal that a massive shit was in the works, so he started walking quickly toward an outhouse he spotted. He stepped inside, undoing his pants as he did so. All of a sudden, the rotten floor gave under his weight and he fell through. He found himself submerged chest deep in some of the foulest smelling shit he had ever seen. Just taking in a small breath of this air made his greasy hair stand on end. Upon further investigation, he saw that the shit pool was infested with rectal worms. He could feel them trying to get into his pants and invade his rectum, but since he had a good size herd of his own grazing within the confines of his anal sphincter, he decided to get out as soon as he could. When he climbed out and got outside, he noticed a giant tapeworm wrapped around his ankle and trailing back into the outhouse. He grabbed it and bit it in half and threw it down. He had no way of knowing that by falling into the shithole, he had exposed himself to the deadly virus that was claiming townspeople's lives. He shook the runny shit off like a dog and headed for the pit. At the pit, there were some people with wagons loaded with bodies wrapped in sheets. They were throwing these bodies into the pit to be burned. Anal Vapors walked up to a wagon, pulled a body to the ground, and started to unwrap it. "Hey mister, I wouldn't do that," a man warned. "Them people died of the plague. " Anal Vapors looked at him and said nothing. Then he went back to unwrapping the body. The people who were there scattered. "He's going to kill himself and the rest of us," the man said. When Anal Vapors had the body unwrapped, he examined it for a moment. It was a young woman whose face was covered with a green slime. When Anal Vapors pressed on her stomach, more of this fluid came out of her mouth and nose. He leaned over her face and licked it clean. Not bad, he thought, so he rewrapped her body, grabbed another one, and headed home with a body on each shoulder. He decided to come back in a few days for more. Nobody tried to stop him as he left town with his prize. Once back to the castle, Anal Vapors laid his new additions to his corpse collection on the table. He removed the wrappings to reveal the woman's body and the body of an old man. More of the green discharge had leaked out of them during the trip, and it still oozed out and collected on the table. When Anal Vapors drove his fist into the man's stomach, a fountain of barf/pus shot up and splattered on the ceiling. Anal Vapors was very impressed. He took his knife and cut the man open. All of his internal organs had taken on this odd green tint. He cut into them and found that they all contained the fluid. In the lungs, the green discharge had mixed with the thick lung phlegm. Anal Vapors scooped this out by the handful and had lunch. When he was done, he cut open the woman's body and ate her lung phlegm. By the time he was finished cutting on the bodies, the entire floor of the room had a thin coating of green slime along with various other bodily discharges and debris from the day before. Feeling fulfilled, Anal Vapors pushed the bodies off the table and laid down for a nap. Anal Vapors had a dream. He was back in the city walking the streets looking for a victim. Then he stopped, clicked his heels together and said, "There's no place like the anus. "Next thing he knew, he was jumping up and down on a pogo stick. Oddly, he was not going anywhere and he could hear a suctioning slurping sound, so he looked down and saw that the end of the pogo stick was moving in and out of the anus of a fat retard. He was having spasmodic convulsions which were in time with the pogo stick motion. Then the retard looked back at Anal Vapors, and he could see the retard's oversized tongue pulsating because of a mass of maggots under its surface. As Anal Vapors watched, a large vagina appeared in the retard's back and spewed yeast infected menses all over him. The menses that covered him turned green and started to burn. He opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out but more green menses. Then the retard farted and Anal Vapors burst into flame and exploded. Anal Vapors woke up shivering. The light in the room was getting dim, indicating that he had slept for several hours. He went over to the fireplace to build a fire and found that he was beginning to feel weak and feverish. He ate the children's bladders for dinner, but he still felt weak, so he laid back down for some more tormented sleep. Several hours later, Anal Vapors woke up burning with fever and severe abdominal cramps. He knew he was not going to make it far before the shit began to fly, so he went over to a corner in the room to satisfy the demands of his distended colon. He barely got his pants down in time before his raging case of the dribbling shits began. A large loaf was propelled out of his anus with great force by the shitfluid behind it.
We do!
diesel particulates are fucking up the planet
That was classic intercourse!
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