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Fighting Telemarketers with Technology
prostoalex writes "According to an MSNBC story, 104 million telemarketing calls are made daily in the U.S. alone and technology is on the way to fight those special offers and incredible credit card rates. Zenith EZ HangUp, The Phone Butler, TriVOX VN100 and ScreenMachine are quoted in the article as new gadgets that allow phone owners to avoid the plagues of telemarketing."
Does it work for my mother-in-law?
All those calls were faked by the phone company for years so that you'd get pissed off enough to pay $4 more per month to make them stop.
I just don't answer the phone. I have a handy device known as an "answering machine." This device answers the phone on my behalf and allows me to hear what the other party has to say. I then can decide if I want to take call. I call this process "screening my calls." I've found it to be most useful. Previously, I received numerous wrong number calls, or worse, telemarketers. I've found that very rarely do telemarketers talk to my wonderous machine. However, when they do, I've found it effective to quickly "answer and hang up."
I've already applied for a patent on the "answering machine", the "screening calls" process, and the "answer and hang up" process. If you infringe on my patents expect numerous calls from lawyers...
The best way to get rid of telemarketers? Tell them a joke.
You "What has a small penis and hangs up side down?"
Them "I don't know"
You "A bat. What has a big penis and hangs up?"
Them "I don't know"
You *click*
Since doing that our telemarketing calls drop dramaticly.
I take one of the following tactics, depending on my mood:
ONE The legal approach, which could probably make you some (odd todd voice) Money.
Ask this question:"What company do you work for?"
Write down the answer, or don't... unless you want to try to get them, write down the date as well.
Read this to them:
"In accordance with the Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991 I formally request you put me on your do not call list. Any repeated calls to this phone number will result in legal action against your company. Do you understand?"
Then hang up
TWO The fun approach, start asking them random survey questions, and expand on the answers. The goal here is to find out what kind of people are in the world with no worry of their opinon of you. Keeping them on the phone raises their long distance bill too I guess...
What kind of computer do you own?
What operating system do you have on it?
Have you heard of linux?
How much memory does your system have?
What type of internet connection do you have?
What browser do you use?
Do you own or rent?
What type of car do you drive?
Do you smoke cigarettes?
-Or any slashdot poll...
THREE Make them listen, If I am doing something like playing the piano/guitar or listening to music, I usually just put the phone down without hanging up. I've had people listen to me play the piano for about 20 min without hanging up. Pathetic part is they go right into the pitch after that, as opposed to, "That really sucked, why don't you take some lessons"
FOUR, Two year old, Give the phone to my two year old, she doesn't have a credit card yet.
FIVE, Porn Read them something from the Penthouse Forum, or make something up along those lines.
SIX Turrets syndome, don't hang up, listen to response.
M@
Krispy Cream is people