IBM Flushes Restroom Patent

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Posted by CmdrTaco on Saturday October 12, 2002 @12:40AM from the uncross-your-legs-people dept.

jdkane writes "As reported in this CNet news article IBM has quietly eliminated a patent it received on a method for determining who gets to use the bathroom next. I say Kudos to IBM because it is a relief (no pun intended) to see some common sense prevail in the patent news. A funny quote from the article is "But just because the patent office granted this and other questionable patents doesn't mean the system is broken".;)"

17 of 146 comments (clear)

Re:Very stupid. by AnotherShep · 2002-10-12 00:54 · Score: 5, Funny

Maybe they just didn't want their name slapped all over bathroom stalls...

"For a good time, call IBM at...", etc.
I guess.... by Geraden · 2002-10-12 00:55 · Score: 5, Funny

Big Blue didn't want to be known as "Big Blue Water"??

<insert groans here>

Scott
And here I thought I was joking... by rknop · 2002-10-12 00:56 · Score: 5, Funny

...when I said I could make the big bucks by patenting the use of wiping with toilet paper. I mean, heck, I figured I'd be doing the patent office a favor. Surely the place would start to smell better after they were introduced to this novel technique. The only question for them would be whether there was enough room left for the paper, what with heads up in the way.

-Rob
These patents scare me ... by fferreres · 2002-10-12 00:59 · Score: 5, Funny

me the shit out o... OH, at fscking last! It's my restroom turn. brb guys!.

(Anyway: I should have my sisters take a look and the patent, they may actually LEARN something ...)

(Anyway 2: Thanks god MS didn't patent it. A bug in these code could really KILL people. And I can foresee the script kiddies all going to the bath as they see fit.)

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unfinished: (adj.)
In other news... by ekephart · 2002-10-12 01:04 · Score: 5, Funny

In other news, today American Airlines was granted a patent on a new airliner with more restrooms than seats. When asked about the new plane a company official said, "Well, we aren't exactly sure if someone can use more than one restroom at once, but we are keeping our options open. If necessary, for the sake of public safety and security we have plans to eliminate an addition 10% of seats. Either way we'll show IBM who's boss."

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Well... by mindstrm · 2002-10-12 01:05 · Score: 4, Funny

How did the IBM system deal with the human element?

When I'm waiting for a washroom on an aircraft, if I *really* need it in a hurry, perhaps becaue I'm sick.. I will ask the people waiting if I can go ahead. Usually they will say yes, if they can handle it.
LIkewise, I will often let a small child or other person who looks really uncomfortable go ahead of me if I can bear it. It's called sharing. I got there first, okay, but I also sat closer to the washroom, perhaps. Or it took me less time to get out of my chair because I have an aisle seat. First come first serve is not always best; it should be more like most needed goes first.

I suppose if we all had some kind of squid detector (ibm patent #4332123) hooked up to our brains, wired into the aircraft central computer (ibm patent # 98344223), then they could actually let us know before we even realize it that we have to go to the washroom. By analyzing how fast an individual bladder or digestive system is working, it could even schedule such things ahead of time. Pre-boarding screening could be done in order to let people konw they cannot fly, because there will not be washroom time available on the current flight.
Such an app could produce an interesting database by The_Guv'na · 2002-10-12 01:10 · Score: 5, Funny
Employers could finally get some real figures as to how the "restrooms" are used... A nice Web Based interface with, amongst other widjets, a long list of checkboxes for different activities...
- Urination
- Defecation
- Phone call
- SMS messaging
- Diarrhea
- Penile masturbation
- Vaginal masturbation
- Anal masturbation
- Homosexual (male) intercourse
- Homosexual (female) intercourse
- Heterosexual intercourse
- Any of the above three for a promotion and/or pay rise.
- Sleeping
- Alcohol abuse
- Smoking tobacco
- Smoking weed
- Smoking crack cocaine
- Moderating slashdot.org
- Other drug abuse
- Dealing drugs
- Child abuse
- Applying makeup
- Vandalism
- Advertising sexual services
- Unsceduled board meeting
- Reading newspaper(s)
- Reading magazines(s)
- Spying on other toilet users
- Videotaping other toilet users
- Dissing coworkers to management
- Dissing management to coworkers
- Checking out guys' equipment
- Trying to piss but failing because the guy next to you is three times your size
- Other (please specify) [_______________]
Of course, how many people wold actually admit to some of the things on that list is another matter. :)
Ali
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Ph33r m3!!!
Prior art by Ford+Fulkerson · 2002-10-12 01:28 · Score: 5, Funny

a method for determining who gets to use the bathroom next

Prior art exists, it's called a line.

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Somewhere in the heavens... they are waiting.
Holy S... by Ektanoor · 2002-10-12 01:31 · Score: 4, Funny

Has anyone read that patent???? Operating system - preferably UNIX (!!!) or Windows NT (!!!!!). Network protocol - TCP/IP (!!!!...)

Thanks God, thank you, thank you, thank you that you gave some reason to IBM folks. I cannot imagine what would be the mood in the airplane if some funny joker decided to play the best DoS ever...
1. Re:Holy S... by pi+radians · 2002-10-12 01:49 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Only this time DoS would stand for Denial of Shi-- ahh nevermind, its not that funny of a joke.
  
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  sin(6cos(r)+5A)
A relief by NewsWatcher · 2002-10-12 01:32 · Score: 4, Funny

Phew! I'm glad they didn't dump that on us. It is such a relief it is not going to happen. I would have been peed off if it happened. It was a crappy patent anyway. It's not like people would have been lining up to implement it.

(Sorry, someone had to get all the obvious puns out of the way. Now we can all get on with the serious issue of discussing this story)

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If the pattern goes 9am, 10am, 11am, why isn't noon 12am?
I thought by Anonymous Coward · 2002-10-12 02:04 · Score: 4, Funny

the BM in IBM stood for "Business Machines".

Hmm.
Re:Very stupid. by SpankTech3000 · 2002-10-12 04:08 · Score: 4, Funny

You know that the second a kid got in the stall, he'd peel the "I." off of "I.B.M."
The system is called by Tablizer · 2002-10-12 04:20 · Score: 3, Funny

Deep Brown

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Table-ized A.I.
1. Re:The system is called by Tablizer · 2002-10-12 05:25 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Deep Brown
  
  And their competitor is Deep Shitz in Europe.
  
  (sorry, coudn't resist :-)
  
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  Table-ized A.I.
Don't think about Niagara Falls.... by IcerLeaf · 2002-10-12 04:35 · Score: 2, Funny

The system would give customers an estimate of their waiting time to use the restroom and would notify them when the restroom was available and allow them to cancel their reservations.
...
if (shorts.isSoiled) reservation.Cancel();
...
IBM Bathroom Technology by Greyfox · 2002-10-12 05:52 · Score: 5, Funny

I'm pretty sure IBM hires "Will work for food" people at minimum wage and all the bran muffins they can eat. These people circle the bathrooms at various IBM complexes and render them too unpleasant for anyone to stay in for long. Either that or there's a chronic explosive diarrhea handicap of which I am unaware and for which the company is WAY over quota for. It's a virtual guarantee that within 30 seconds of going in for a dump one of these people will come into the bathroom, take the stall RIGHT NEXT to yours (Doesn't matter if there's 1 free stall or 15) and commence emitting the most noxious fumes I have ever encountered.
I have worked at 3 IBM sites and been in many of their buildings and this has happened almost without fail. There are also "blessed" bathrooms where this never happens. I can only imagine that those are reserved for upper management.

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I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?