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Microsoft Tries a "Switch" Campaign
Twirlip of the Mists writes "There's a new page on Microsoft's web site that tells the first-person story of an unnamed 'freelance writer' who made the switch from the Mac to Windows XP. The author of the page -- who never identifies herself, and who could very easily be fictional or a composite sketch -- says 'Windows XP gives me more choices and flexibility.' How, you ask? Why, through Microsoft Office, Internet Explorer, and modern operating-system features like separate accounts for each user and easy access to the Internet, of course. Maybe somebody should email Microsoft and let them know that the Mac has had all of these things for years now ... nah. It'd just embarrass them. Anyway, it's an entertaining read that's good for a laugh." Update: 10/14 21:12 GMT by P : Apparently, Microsoft has taken the page down, but Google has it.
If you can't beat'em, copy'em.
Yes®, it's® true®. I® like® the® Microsoft® Windows® XP® operating® system® enough® to® change® my® whole® computing® world® around®.
{Stuff deleted}
© 2002 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
"Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus."
Hey! She's not funny looking! Can't those twits at MicroSoft do anything right?
Boobies never hurt anyone. - Sherry Glaser.
Their users are much better looking that the Apple ones.
Choices: You can select which security flaw to patch first.
Flexibility: Your choice of anti-virus program.
Height: 38U, Weight: 0 Newtons, Eyes: #0000FF, OS: Gray Matter 1.0 (Alpha)
Don't you figure that he/she might just be the freelance writer ... that Microsoft hired to write this advertising copy?
I love it!
Breakfast served all day!
It must suck to be a "freelance writer" and to not even get a credit on your "submission" to Microsoft's site...
Nanoox
my story about how Microsoft Lindows has made my life easier after switching from Windows 2000. That oughta make someone explode at M$.
XD
--j
Linux gives me more choices and flexibility.' How, you ask? Why, through OpenOffice, Mozilla, and modern operating-system features like separate accounts for each user and easy access to the Internet, of course.
Nero-burning ROM for Linux!
AppleWorks (previously called ClarisWorks) pales in comparison to Microsoft Office XP. There's no equivalent for the versatility of Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint®. Toolbars and menus customize themselves to the way I work. I wouldn't know how to function without the Track Changes and Comments features of Word. I adore the Office Clipboard, which copies multiple elements from one file and pastes them into another.
Nooo! Not the hidey menu thingy! That thing drove me insane! And here it's listed as a plus? I'm sorry, what?
All the Mac hardware--including my printer, broadband cable, Zip drive, and Palm handheld--works perfectly with my Windows-based PC.
Really? You don't say? What about your internal hard drive? And your old applications?
Well, really. From a company with a huge marketing budget, I expect something that isn't (1) a cheap copy of your competitor's and (2) can't be picked into little bits in 15.32 seconds.
Everything is mainstream now.
Part of her "testimony" is this classic line:
My recommendation is to go straight to Windows XP Professional; the extra features for mobile users are worth it. See Which Edition is Right for You? for more information.
Hilarious... like an actual customer would go hunt down links to recommend people buy the most expensive workstation OS they sell. God Microsoft, keep 'em coming, soon you'll be as funny as the Onion!
People shape laws. Not the other way around.
This makes Ellen Feiss and baby jesus cry.
Real people don't say things like:
I am a freelance writer; I demand the best in mobile computing.
That just wreaks of marketing monkey dung.
Seperate accounts for each user? Didn't Unix had that since the late '60s?
HEY! Thats the same chick I met on IRC last night!
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
- Windows XP gives me more choices and
- flexibility, and better compatibility with the rest of the technology world.
...
Mobile computing? Versatility? I could swear she was the free-lance writer who wrote the mission statements of a dozen busted dot-coms. No wonder she's looking for cheaper hardware!I am a freelance writer; I demand the best in mobile computing.
There's no equivalent for the versatility of Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint®. Toolbars and menus customize themselves to the way I work.
I wonder if the switch helps her utilize her verticle portals too!
-- Ken Kinder ken@_nospam_kenkinder.com http://kenkinder.com/
Godfather Bill: What's this I hear about one of our freelance writers using a Mac? Make her an offer she can't refuse.
Scene 2: Anonymous writer's bedroom.
(The anonymous writer tosses and turns in bed, and rolls over, waking up. She notices something in the bed next to her and pulls back the sheet to reveal the severed LCD screen from her beloved iMac.)
Anonymous Writer: Aaaaah! Aaaaaah! OK, I'll switch!
See, the great part is that Microsoft tried doing A and B *together*! Now that's novelty.
Wow, that's quite an innovation. I wonder how they thought of that. I get a little tired of having to use this "root" account that came with my Linux package. It's kind of a stupid name and I wish I could change it to my name. Maybe someday Linux will have separate accounts for each user.
Best. Comment. Ever. Enjoy!
- The woman in the picture looks like she's in the middle of a commercial for a yeast-infection or genital-herpes remedy. "With Windows, I don't have to be afraid to tell people what operating system I use. And that's a weight off my shoulders, so I can spend more time enjoying life."
- "It's about more and better." Wow. That's substantial and profound. I thought she said she was a "professional writer."
- Most of the page is devoted to explaining how to use wizards. If you need to explain how to use your wizards, your need to fire your usability team.
- She finishes her pitch by talking about installing drivers and finding more programs to convert her Mac documents every day: "I discover more treats daily. For example, Word Converters are helping me transfer old document files, Microsoft Works files, and even AppleWorks files. It will be an ongoing process, but I'm thrilled so far." In other words, she still hasn't been able to convert all her documents, and she expects it to be a long, ongoing process... and this is why Windows is "better?"
Personally, I don't think Microsoft wrote this. I think someone from Saturday Night Live broke into the MS server room and uploaded this.How low can you get? Does anyone really BELIEVE this story? I sure hope not.
But at the end of the article, there are forms in PDF and Word (natch) where you can send in YOUR experiences with Windows. Come on Slashdotters, fill them out and send them in! PDF and Word
Here is the text of the document. It gets better...
Show Off Your Skills
Are you a whiz at using a Microsoft product at home or in the office? Are you the one everyone comes to when they need to know how to do something? If so, we'd love to see what you can do.
A whiz? ha ahaha I think they mean wiz. Oh brother.
We're collecting ideas for articles on the Microsoft Insider Web site. Some of your work or submissions may be included in a gallery on the site, featured in press releases, or developed into how-to articles.
This just in: Microsoft invents user-friendly HOWTO documents.
Note: We will not feature any of your work without first receiving your permission.
And having you sign away the rights to any experience you may have, or have had in the past to the sole ownership of Microsoft.
To participate, please send us:
Your first and last name
Name of your company or organization (if applicable)
Brief description of your company or organization, including industry and size
Brief description of which Microsoft product you use and how you use it
Personal contact information, including address, phone number and e-mail address
Samples of your work--either hard copies of your marketing materials or a Web site address where we can view your work. Please be sure to include any user names or passwords that might be needed.
WTF???
You can submit your sample(s) one of two ways:
1. For online materials, send an e-mail message with the subject line Microsoft Publisher Customer Stories to insider@microsoft.com. (Note: Please do not send any attachments over 1 megabyte in size.)
Or with any malicious VBscripts attached
2. For printed materials, send hard copies to:
Microsoft Insider Customer Stories Microsoft Corporation 9931 Willows Road Redmond, WA 98052 Microsoft will not share the information you provide with third parties without your permission except where necessary to complete the services or transactions you have requested, or as required by law.
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
Yes, there is. It's very much like Office XP, but without the pee that comes with with the Windows version...
Obliteracy: Words with explosions
I wrote her, expressed my sympathies at her unfortunate un-feminine name, and congratulated her on the apparent success of her modeling career. I hope she writes back...I'd like to enhance her user experience even more...
Importing Messages. I upgraded to Outlook when I installed Office XP. I chose Yes when Outlook asked whether I wanted to import messages from Outlook Express. Later, I had to uninstall and reinstall Outlook, but all was not lost.
Hmmm. In the way she writes her excitement on using this piece of crap, it looks she is another outlooker that says yes, Yes, YES to every Klez juicy flavour and every LOVE YOU letter... Probably the new, fresh and exciting BugBears will make her dreams sweet... I imagine the ride of joy she'll have when some Barby/Trojan will salute her in one more of these exciting [censured] M$ gifts...
Here's what I submitted as my XP switch story. :-)
P G? x=x&dasite=GETTYIMAGES&dareq=1A0C1F181E05 D2337394D32324055454243585F414E
You can use my personal photo from this web page:
http://delivery.gettyimages.com/comp/AA046139.J
8031402
My name is Linda Lee and here's my story!
"WindowsXP is great!"
OKay, I admit it! I've been a Linux user for years! You know, one of
those communists who thinks that everything should be free and forgets
to use deoderant. Recently, I was reading a totally unbiased
technical article in a magazine that informed me that the competition
just cannot stand up to Microsoft's (r) Windows (r) XP operating
system.
Let me tell you how lost I have been all these years, using free,
open-source software! What a waste of my life! As soon as I read
about all the great features, I threw some clothes on (shoes too!) and
ran out to my nearest CompUSA to buy a copy of Microsoft (r) Windows
(r) XP Professional for about 400$US. I got home, ripped the
shrink-wrap off, read over the draconian EULA (I don't mind giving up
some freedoms, Windows (r) is just too great), and immediately got to
installing.
After installation, I was unable to activate my copy of Microsoft (r)
Windows (r) XP. Sure, there was a little hic-up here, but after all,
you sometimes have to make sacrifices for quality! After about a
month of not being able to use my computer, customer support finally
just said I could use a "back-door" activation code. How wonderful
that Microsoft are helping me out at their own peril!
It only took me about three months to get me up and running! Girl
Scout's honor!
More Crashes, Less Work
Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP lets me relax more through my busy work
day. With continuous crashes and reboots, I can spend more time
sipping coffee than doing my job! Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP also
ensures that the work I do manage to get done is of the highest
possible quality. I demand that I be empowered to rewrite a document
I lost four times so I can be certain that it is very refined.
More Software Flexibility
Previously, I had access to hundreds of thousands of free software
products. But they were free, and we all know that anything that's
free is worth nothing! Now I can go out and spend anywhere from 50$US
to 5000$US dollars on a box with a CD-ROM disc in it! With a cost
like that, it ought to be some really good software!
Final Comments
If it wasn't for Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP, I wouldn't bathe, use
deoderant, or wear clothes all day. I would just sit around and
stink, rotting in my house, getting fat! Thanks to my switch to
Windows (r), I'm healthy and have a great life! Thanks Microsoft (r)!
Why bother.
The fact that every component in a mac laptop except the CPU is superior to my windows laptop, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact that the networking makes Windows XP look like it's from the 80's DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact that apple has had a connection faster than USB2.0 for the past three years, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact the LCD is clearly better, and the fonts on a mac are arguably better, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact the OS seamlessly supports every component on the laptop with no quirks, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact the laptops are silent except for the hard drive, DOES NOT MATTER!
When will you apple dorks realize the only important possession a man has is the MHZ of his CPU. Everything else comes second, even when the CPU speed causes me to sacrafice something from every other component on the system.
CPU MHZ IS GOD!!!!~~~~
I live in a giant bucket.
"Linux isn't living up to any of the claims that MS or Apple are making."
LOL!!
I can see the Linux ads now:
"So.. like, I bought this Firewire Video camera, and I like shot some footage of my dog and stuff... and like when I plugged the camera into my Linux laptop.. uh.. well it didn't work. So first I went to find a firewire driver. And uh.. well I couldn't find one of those, but I find a kernel update that had firewire support. So I downloaded and recompiled and typed this in and that in and that kind of worked. Then.. then I had to find a free-app that'd do DV-capture and editing. After a few days of posting news groups, I eventually did find one that sort of worked. Of course, I had to fix a bug or two for it to be useful. But hey! It's free!! Isn't that the great thing about Open Source? Fixes happen like really really fast. Anyway, so I sort of got that running... and uh now I can get video from my camera to my laptop. It only took a few weeks! So like there's no way I'm going back to Windows now because I put all this damn effort into this and finally got it working.
My name is Ronald and I'm a Linux Zealot."
It's a joke, laugh.
I think the Apple switch campaign was the best advertising they could have gotten. Every time I see one of those smug, smarmy bastards talking about why they switched, it just makes me cling to my cvrappy Windows box more, out of spite. It's like those "The Truth" anti-smoking ads, that make you want to start going at a pack a day, just to shut the little punks up.
Here dad is helping figure out what "fatal error in krnl32.dll means". Say, isn't that a mac they're using?
Ha! It is indeed. It looks like an LC. The keyboard is an Apple Extended Keyboard. That's too funny... You'd think with a budget like Microsoft's, they could at least avoid promoting the competition in their ads...
STOP . AMERICA . NOW