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Global Warming will Open Northwest Passage
Makarand writes "For the most part we dread global warming. However, some
experts from the U.S. Arctic Research Commission, studying the polar ice caps,
are now pointing out
some of the advantageous side effects of global warming.
They are predicting
that in 5 to 10 summers from now the
polar ice caps would disappear for around 2 months each year
opening up the fabled Northwest passage for commercial
shipping. This would effectively reduce the shipping
distance between Europe and Asia by 6800 miles compared to the route
using the Panama canal."
first post kicks arse!!!!! i OWNZ u
One of the perpetual needs of the average male is sex, but sadly most women
are reluctant to give in to this on the first date. This guide will tell
you step by step, how to ensure that you get her into bed.
THE DATE
--------
Take her to a restaurant, somewhere nice but cheap. I'd advice someplace
close to home, because if all goes well, you will want to get her home as
quickly as possible, before she escapes, err.. changes her mind.
Dress for the occasion. Wear clothes that mask the real you, that being
wear a suit, or something. You want to get her to believe that you are a
gentlemen, as opposed to a sex crazed maniac, the latter being the real you.
Take her flowers. Something so cheap, but such a powerful weapon. If you
don't want to pay for some, steal them. Anyone can pull some flowers out
of their nextdoor neighbour's yard.
Preparation is the key to success, so before leaving, put the following in
your car (just in case): A strong nylon rope, a balaclava, a sharp
Wiltshire stay sharp filleting knife (preferably with a brown handle), a
copy of "Solider of Fortune" magazine, and a walkman. It would also be a
good idea to pack a large polythene bag as well, and maybe some bricks to
match it.
ON THE DATE
-----------
Whilst on the date, you must be polite. Try and trick the bitch into
believing that you are honest, kind, considerate of others, and a "new
age" male. Get her believing this and you are half way there to getting the
slag in the bag.
Talk about things of culture, music, art, theatre. Don't talk about things
like "The time you bit the head of your mother's budgie", "Or how you
murdered a million tibetan monks, but we're excused because you were a
freemason", or "How many men you killed in Vietnam". No, ladies don't like
that sort of talk, despite the fact it is far more interesting. Tell them
about how you are a fan of good music, and have a great record collection.
Make sure you gear everything you say around their interests. If you find
out that she is a fan of "The National Bulgarian Potplant Orchestra", tell
her you have got all their albums at home, and maybe one day she could come
over and have a look (at the records).
Use humour, be funny and make her laugh. While she is laughing, you can
order more drinks. The more intoxicated you get her, the better. Aim to
have her vomiting bilious fluid by the end of the night and success is
assured. Don't order beer, order expensive wines. Ladies like wine, and
if you pour drinks at a 4:1 ratio, you should only be tipsy by the nights
end.
As the night progresses, slowly but steadily, start telling her how much
you like her, and how much you have in common. Women love this sort of
crap. Act like you mean it, and she will be putty in your sweaty hands.
Don't go overboard though and start licking her feet, but pay her lots of
subtle compliments.
Towards the end of the night, tell how you would really like to see her
again. By now, she should be totally pissed. If not, tell her anyway. It
is now time to play the final card. Tell her that she is too pissed to
drive, and so you'll take her home.
Stop off at your house, and invite her inside for a coffee. Hopefully, she
will accept, if not then it's time to get mean. Remember, fear and threats
the greatest aphrodisiac. If she refuses, try and convince her with words.
If words fail, lock the doors. Central locking is beaut for this. She will
probably get scared and start screaming now. If not now, then she probably
will when you begin to rape her. Take the nylon rope and tie her neck to the
headrest. Do it tightly in a slipknot, so that the more she moves, the more
she'll choke. Rip off her dress, and taking the knife in one hand hold it
to her. Then get on top of her, and rape her. You should be able to take
it from here.
Once you're done and you've told her how good she was. Give a kiss, and
tell her how much you'd like to see her, and maybe even her family, again.
Then take the knife and kill her. Put her body in the bag and dump it
somewhere, a good place being in X-Club, the nightclub in King Street
Melbourne, because no-one ever goes there.
If she decides to come into your home, you have won. Shut the door behind
her, then take out the knife. It is your house, and you are a male, so it
should be no problem to bash the fuck out of the bitch and then rape her.
Aim to knock her unconscious, but not into a coma. In case you didn't know,
a woman's cunt tenses up in a coma, and thus entry may be difficult.
Once done, discard of her. A dead bitch is environmentally friendly, so
have no hesitation in burying her someplace. Your backyard? Why not.
From the makers of such products as DoDo Buckshot, Native American's Removal Blankets, Smog Stack Plus, and Super-Sized "For those jungle suburban drives" SUV - comes the newest and greatest invention yet!
THE POLAR ICE CAP MELTER!
Yes, that's right, you too can help to flood whole countries! Tired of high priced beach front property? Sick of the drive from the middle of America to the coasts? BRING THE COASTS TO YOU!
Only 19.95 plus shipping and handling.
Manufacturer not responsible for accidental/purposeful destruction of ecosystems, countries, continents, or competitors. Not availble to FPO/APOs.
You should be reading stories like this in preparation for envirothon. If you see this after reading the story, use the secret word: phallophobia, and I will know you have been preparing and will take that into consideration when choosing the team. That is all.
Fuck the ice bears. They are terrorists (NOT a troll...do a google search for "polar bear brandon manitoba") and deserve to be locked up with like-minded zealots in Gwantanamo Bay.
Stanley Feinbaum (mister_feinbaum2002 AT hotmail DOT com)
and
Stanley Feinbaum, professional journalist. I have no tolerance for bad journalism!
You do, apparently, have a great tolerance for bad Terms of Use policies. Highlights include:
NO SPAM; DAMAGES
Microsoft may immediately terminate any account which it determines, in its sole discretion, is transmitting or is otherwise connected with any 'spam' or other unsolicited bulk email. In addition, because damages are often difficult to quantify, if actual damages cannot be reasonably calculated then you agree to pay Microsoft liquidated damages of five dollars (US$5.00) for each piece of 'spam' or unsolicited bulk email transmitted from or otherwise connected with your account. Otherwise you agree to pay Microsoft's actual damages, to the extent such actual damages can be reasonably calculated. You agree that Microsoft may charge such damages to your selected Payment Method, as set forth in the Microsoft Billing section, below.
That is pretty funny, given the atrocious security history of the hotmail site. If your account gets hijacked, *you* are to blame:
You are entirely responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of your password and account. Furthermore, you are entirely responsible for any and all activities that occur under your account. You agree to notify Microsoft immediately of any unauthorized use of your account or any other breach of security. Microsoft will not be liable for any loss that you may incur as a result of someone else using your password or account, either with or without your knowledge. However, you could be held liable for losses incurred by Microsoft or another party due to someone else using your account or password.
There are other places (such as freeshell.org) that will give you free webmail with less evil, and throw in shell access as well!
No, it's my territory!
What, you say? Just because i say it's mine doesn't make it mine? What, i have to get the international community to recognize it first, and they don't?
Oh well.
--
Mod up a post Rob doesn't like and you'll never mod again
Does this mean Good Ol' George will have to find someone to bomb to stop the ice melting?
Now just who is it that isn't signing up to the Kyoto agreement to stop global warming?
Eclectic beats from Leeds, UK
handmadehands.co.uk
And you should probably ask Mrs. Manners for some netiquette lessons.
He saw some dirty arabs and fired. Too bad it was just some friendly kurds, BBC reporters and his fellow cowboys.
While people decry how bad energy use is by calling CO2 'pollution' (it is not, CO2 is a vital plant nutrient and harmless to animals) they ignore the ways in which it CLEANS the environment.
1. We use it to treat sewage which cleans water.
2. It allows us to conserve farm land by increasing yield/acre (fertilizer, pesticides, application, shipping, etc).
3. It increases the efficiency of commerce by decreasing shipping costs.
4. It increases economic wealth and allows us to make cleaning the environment more affordable. Both the U.S. and G.B. are much cleaner now than they were 100yrs. ago. If you are scratching out a subsistance living the last thing you care about is a cleaner env.
The best thing for the environment would be to increase per capita energy use all over the world. Care about the availability of fresh water? The main costs of water de-salinization is energy. More energy use could make fresh water an easily affordable commodity, eliminating the affects of drought. I could go on and on but please read Julian Simon instead (the ultimate resource II).
I completely disagree. Our primary ethical issue, IMO, is how we treat each other. The earth is here for mankind's benefit; mankind is not here for the earth's benefit. Without us, all these "resources" would be just useless hunks of nothing. It's human ingenuity that comes up with uses for them and makes them valuable.
As long as we're improving the quality of life for mankind, bully for us. Keep using energy, keep making things better. I don't think we should discourage achievement of a higher quality of life. We do need to plan for the future, but I don't think we need to take measures as extreme as some advocate, like eliminating cars and letting 90% of the earth surface go to wilderness.
Constitutionally Correct