Posted by
ryuzaki0
on from the first-it-was-a-screwdriver dept.
weighn writes "The SMH has this story about an eccentric Frenchman who carries about 1300 useful items attached to his body by various means. A digital camera is mentioned, so I guess there may be some form of computing device nearby. Anyone else a bulging pocketed geek-scout?"
2002. Slashdot publishes 1,000,000th rumor passed off as actual story. The story generates 480 comments, 263 of which agree with the article, and 107 of which point out it's a rumor and are modded down as redundant. The remaining comments are all "first posts." or posts that contain any rational insight are modded "troll."
2002. CmdrTaco married to a human female, reports are that she does not have 46 chromosomes, however. Fent does display tendency to retardation.
2002. Slashdot parent corporation VA Research^W Linux^W Software stock worth 35 cents. Rumors that AOL, Microsoft, or even Jimmy the hobo who lives under the Longfellow Bridge may buy it.
2003. VA Software bought by Microsoft for a cup of coffee and a donut. All Microsoft-critical articles mysteriously disappear from Slashdot. Bill Gates as Borg logo replaced with Bill Gates as God. (Taco suggested that in order to be "God," or his vision of God, Gates would have to be seen in a NAMBLA T-shirt. Luckily good taste prevails in favor of the old man image in glowing aura)
2004. CmdrTaco loses virginity, well, not sex with men virginity, that's long since gone, and not sex with anime blow up dolls, this time, real sex.
2004. The WIPO Troll returns again, showering Slashdot in 45,000 copies of the same post: "Lick my crotch hairs." Slashdot, despite running on 18 redundant IIS/8.0Beta6 servers, buckles under the load. The term "Slashdotted" is replaced with "WIPO-Trolled."
2004. Slashdot officially shut down. Millions of screaming, unwashed geeks invade Redmond campus and lynch Bill Gates.
2005. Linus Torvalds and Anal Cox found dead along with six penguins, a tub of crisco and several used condoms. FreeBSD users are glad the insanity is dying.
2005. CmdrTaco rumored to have had sex again, even with constant Viagra therapy, it took this long. He complains, I can be ready to go again in five minutes if I was looking at a nude man, to the dyslexic Fent.
2006. CowboiKneel found dead in hotel room with 56 pizza boxes covering his bloated corpse. Three suffocated gay prostitutes are extracted from beneath his body as police remove it with a backhoe.
2007. CmdrTaco actually has sex again, this time plugging Fent in the ass for a more manlike feel.
2007. BSD is still officially "dying." No word on when its demise will take place. FreeBSD 9 is delivered in perfect working order in a coherent superior, commercially viable and useable fashion with real documentation, the same practice followed since inception. Linux lunatics, after the death of Cox, are still trying to perfect the Trident driver while ignoring the existence of the GeForce 9. Netcraft dies along with all the surveys they held on Microsoft and Linux servers are lost as well.
2007. CmdrTaco starts new weblog to replace Slashdot, creatively named Dotslash. Remainder of Linux users flock to the site and immediate WIPO-Troll it out of existence.
2007. Box running FreeBSD for 6 years sets world record for Unix uptime on consumer hardware.
2008. CmdrTaco has sex with his wife for the first time without thinking of men. He has dawned on the extra sexual pick me up for his twisted mind, small children.
2010 Marcelo Tosatti finally releases a version of the 2.4 Linux Kernel that is useable 2.4.29-RC2099.alpha.stage.99 (not -STABLE!). Fuck you Marcelo, YOU SUCK as a MAINTAINER.
Is genital-too, I mean Gentoo fixed yet? Last time it made me perform all these stupid, fucking easily scriptable mindless tasks to get it installed, with everything installed perfectly the stupid thing didn't work. Death to OS X, death to lame Linux distributions, I want a COHERENT Linux distribution and FREEBSD or DIE, baby.
firsty posty!
by
Anonymous Coward
·
· Score: -1, Offtopic
la la la, skip on down the road, la la la, and then ill eat a toad.
bow to King Missile
by
Anonymous Coward
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· Score: -1, Offtopic
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time: it's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time: I can leave it home when I think it's going to get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment and I couldn't find it so I called up the place where the party was. They hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet (because for some reason I leave it there sometimes) but not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called some other people from the party but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast. Then as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's place where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on.
I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but, I don't know. Even though it's sometimes a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.
Re:Oh, I've got a bulging pocket alright...
by
Anonymous Coward
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· Score: -1, Offtopic
Yes!!! A first! A moderator that not only understands a joke but has a sense of humor!
You can mod me down but please, please continue to moderate up the parent.
Re:Who wants to bet...
by
Scrameustache
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· Score: 1, Offtopic
I never get those french-surrender jokes.
This is solely based on that time when they surerndered to Nazi Germany right? Well, maybe you didn't notice, but the Nazis were the most powerfull force in history at the time (they didn't start conquering the world on a double dare you know).
What I don't get is why the joke is that France always surrender...bah, chuck it up to general xenophobia I guess.
Go swear stuff to a flag while I kiss my karma goodbye...
--
You can't take the sky from me...
Re:Mod this racist joke down!
by
mdechene
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· Score: 1, Offtopic
Yeah, but it's funny because french people surrender so they can go home to their hot wives, whereas other rascist jokes are just mean. If I had a hot wife and it was between fighting some silly war or going home to her, I'd surrender too.
I hate to break the news to you Eric, but there's a bowling alley opening up down the street from your place. Sorry man.
Re:Who wants to bet...
by
packeteer
·
· Score: 1, Offtopic
The balkins did slow them down but it was NOT the weather. They waited too long and the weather was a problem. How can everyone get history so wrong and argue so much? What happened is simple. There was an almost sucessful assassination attempt on Hitler and he had many top military people killed.
Slashdot Mirror
la la la, skip on down the road, la la la, and then ill eat a toad.
whores.
boo
Resistance is Futile.
In Soviet Russia, articles before post read *you*!
...do we get to moderate submissions? Given the last 24 hrs around here, it can't happen too soon.
The pain...oh, the pain of a slow news day.
Jesus, give it a rest. This story has nothing to do with MS - dragging them into the discussion obliquely is worth nothing, karma whore.
here's another pic of the guy
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time: it's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time: I can leave it home when I think it's going to get me in trouble, or I can
rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment and I couldn't find it so I called up the place where the party was. They hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet (because for some reason I leave it there sometimes) but not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called some other people from the party but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast. Then as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's place where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on.
I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but, I don't know. Even though it's sometimes a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.
Yes!!! A first! A moderator that not only understands a joke but has a sense of humor!
You can mod me down but please, please continue to moderate up the parent.
I never get those french-surrender jokes.
This is solely based on that time when they surerndered to Nazi Germany right? Well, maybe you didn't notice, but the Nazis were the most powerfull force in history at the time (they didn't start conquering the world on a double dare you know).
What I don't get is why the joke is that France always surrender...bah, chuck it up to general xenophobia I guess.
Go swear stuff to a flag while I kiss my karma goodbye...
You can't take the sky from me...
Yeah, but it's funny because french people surrender so they can go home to their hot wives, whereas other rascist jokes are just mean. If I had a hot wife and it was between fighting some silly war or going home to her, I'd surrender too.
Karma: Not Particularly Funny.
I don't have 1300 useful items in my whole house.
I hate to break the news to you Eric, but there's a bowling alley opening up down the street from your place. Sorry man.
The balkins did slow them down but it was NOT the weather. They waited too long and the weather was a problem. How can everyone get history so wrong and argue so much? What happened is simple. There was an almost sucessful assassination attempt on Hitler and he had many top military people killed.
unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep