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More on Longhorn

An anonymous reader writes "Everything I have read concering MS's future plans: Palladium, Client/Server tie in, Office 11 breaking backward compatability, 3 year licensing plans, product activation - all leave me with a foreboding sense of the potential synergy for furthering Microsoft's goals of complete domination. Now this article tells about Longhorn's new filesystem being based on the the future Yukon server. And surprise it will only work with new hardware, which they want to be Palladium enabled. And all pitched to you under the rubric of Security & Efficency. For years MS has been accused of only wanting people to run MS Software. Now according to the article, 'Microsoft doesn't think computer users should have to use one program to read and write a word-processing file, another to use a spreadsheet, and a third to correspond via e-mail. Rather, the company thinks, a single program should handle it all.' One program to rule them all, one program to bind them, indeed."

38 of 619 comments (clear)

  1. .. and in the darkness bind them by theefer · · Score: 4, Funny

    Please finish your quotes.

    --
    theefer
    1. Re:.. and in the darkness bind them by cioxx · · Score: 5, Funny


      Three Rings for the Microsoft-Developers under the sky,
      Seven for the Dwarf-VPs in their halls of stone,
      Nine for IIS System Administrators doomed to die,
      One for Steve Ballmer on his dark throne
      In the land of Richmond where shadows lie.
      One Application to rule them all, One Palladium to authenticate them,
      On Application to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
      In the Land of Richmond where Shadows lie.

    2. Re:.. and in the darkness bind them by cioxx · · Score: 5, Funny

      I put Richmond to avoid a lawsuit.

  2. One program... by jaavaaguru · · Score: 0, Funny

    it's called... OpenOffice.org

  3. Its been done by pkplex · · Score: 5, Funny

    Its called emacs ;)

    1. Re:Its been done by napoleonin · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yeah, but it hasn't been done well

    2. Re:Its been done by ActiveSX · · Score: 5, Funny

      You think Longhorn's going to change that?

    3. Re:Its been done by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
      you are finished talking, type RET twice.

      so, are you a fully integrated program? i mean, can you read and
      write word documents as easily as, say, powerpoint, excel, or even
      media files?

      Why do you say that?

      why do i say what?

      Is it because do you say what that you came to me?

      pardon?

      Can you elaborate on that?

      i thought i was pretty verbose the first time around...

      Earlier you said do you say what?

      i said what?!?!?

      Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

      what plans? when did i mention any plans? just answer the question dammit!

      What makes you believe just answer the question dammit?

      later assbag. i'm replacing you with vim.

      You mentioned that do you say what?

      ^C

  4. In the land of Redmond where the shadows lie... by Xpilot · · Score: 5, Funny

    One OS to rule them all,
    One Passport to find them,
    One OS to bring them all,
    And with the EULA bind them!

    Sorry couldn't resist ;)

    --
    "Backups are for wimps. Real men upload their data to an FTP site and have everyone else mirror it." -- Linus Torvalds
    1. Re:In the land of Redmond where the shadows lie... by xigxag · · Score: 3, Funny

      Of course you have to say "Rrredmond" in that weird quasi-Transylvanian accent they used in the FOTR movie to say "Mordor."

      --
      There are two kinds of people: 1) those who start arrays with one and 1) those who start them with zero.
  5. -1 Troll by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    You fucking zealot, how can you say 1 program is a bad thing when that's exactly what Emacs (unix/linux) is? Your fucking cock master, Linus Torvalds, wants you to use such a program and then when microsoft talks about making it you bitch and complain. Oh, and one more thing, Microsoft engineers are geniuses, they are all the smartest minds in the counntry. Do you know why people join open source projects? Because they are too stupid to get a job for microsoft. Why don't you fucking zealots try to make a program as complicated and functional as windows and then see if its secure, the MS engineers are doing their best. All you fucks do is look at Windows, take the features which you think would be easiest to copy, and then do a shitty job of copying them.

    1. Re:-1 Troll by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Sorry to burst your bubble, but yours is not a troll. A troll has clever statements that hook people up while being subtely false or self-contradictory.

      Your comment is at least, a puny attempt of flamebait.

      Rest In Peace

  6. Moron by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny


    "This could bring a higher level of security than anything we've ever seen. It will almost completely prevent the platform from being compromised."

    Sounds like they will be releasing Longhorn without any networking capabilities..

    1. Re:Moron by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Its guts will also be radically different from Windows XP's, because they're based on XML -- extensible markup language, the emerging lingua franca of the Internet.

      XML is very fast! And as a language designed for human-readable machine communication over the internet, it's an excellent platform for systems programming.

      To make life easier for computer users, it will simplify locating data by using the file name or content

      Wow, by filename or content...this is truly a leap forward from 1976.

      Enderle said the new file system will also function efficiently with hard drives holding at least one terabyte of data.

      Riiight.

      Creating such a file system is an extraordinarily difficult task, one that has been attempted for years by database companies, including Microsoft, but that has never reached fruition.

      See above, where I say, "Riight."

      The guts of the new file system are being engineered mainly in conjunction with "Yukon," Microsoft's code name for the next version of its SQL Server relational database management system.

      Oh yeah, plus lots of relational database cruft. Verrry speedy!

      Microsoft doesn't think computer users should have to use one program to read and write a word-processing file, another to use a spreadsheet, and a third to correspond via e-mail.

      Another giant leap forward from Microsoft Office circa 1995.

      I haven't seen it, but I hear there's a Happy Days episode where Bill Gates actually leaps over a shark.

  7. error message by DarkHelmet · · Score: 5, Funny
    We're Sorry:

    The software that you're trying to run (Doom3.exe) is not compatable with current Microsoft Standards. We at Microsoft believe that one program should "Do it all", and therefore should be integrated into the Operating System's kernel.

    The integrated version of Doom3.exe will appear in your kernel once the authors of said file adapt the program for use with Direct3d.

    Installation of OpenGL or any software that uses OpenGL is in direct violation of your EULA. Violation of said EULA will be severely punished.
    ---
    Thank you for using Longhorn. There are 15 days remaining until Skynet becomes self-aware. Your extra CPU-cycles are appreciated, even if required.

    --
    /^[A-Z0-9._%+-]+@[A-Z0-9.-]+\.[A-Z]{2,4}$/i
    1. Re:error message by irc.goatse.cx+troll · · Score: 3, Funny

      I've ran Lognhorn (.net server rc2). OpenGL works fine, but their are no versions of DirectX to be found (Neither by default nor on microsofts directx site).

      --
      Pain lasts, kid. Its how you know you're alive. Sometimes I think this growing up thing is just pain management-TheMaxx
  8. Introducing Microsoft One Window� by Freston+Youseff · · Score: 5, Funny

    Microsoft One Window(TM) is the only window you'll ever need to look through. It provides you with a view of everything in the world. Microsoft One Window(TM) knows all. Microsoft One Window(TM) shows you only what you want to see. Microsoft One Window(TM) is GOD.

    --

  9. I can see it now..... by Newer+Guy · · Score: 5, Funny

    Computer: Dave, this is Billcomp2010. You haven't completed your reading of my EULA, Dave. Dave: Bill can this wait? I'm doing a spacewalk now. Computer: Sorry Dave, my program and your life support will be terminated in 20 seconds. Dave: Noooo....(runs into airlock and begins pulling memory cards and hot swap drives) Computer: What are you doing Dave? Is that a Linux CD you have there Dave? I'm afraid, Dave. Dave: Pound sand, Bill!

  10. Re:Certainly radical... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Gee, yeah, like, a filesystem!

    And we will worry anyhow. And things will not work smoothly regardless.

  11. We must fight! by Subcarrier · · Score: 1, Funny

    We must find Bill's cock ring and toss it into a volcano! And, mind you, I don't care if Bill is still wearing it when we do that.

    --
    "I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them." -- George H. W. Bush
    1. Re:We must fight! by Bunji+X · · Score: 2, Funny

      Nah, no need throwing poor Bill into a volcano. Just follow the great example provided by Isildur on how to handle problems like these. >:)

      --
      ---
      The combined human population is enough to feed every living tiger for app. 28000 years.
    2. Re:We must fight! by Subcarrier · · Score: 2, Funny

      Nah, no need throwing poor Bill into a volcano. Just follow the great example provided by Isildur on how to handle problems like these. >:)

      Isildur? You mean the chap who defeated Sauron at Barad-dûr and cut off his finger to get... Oh!

      --
      "I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them." -- George H. W. Bush
  12. Viruses are outdated by lvdrproject · · Score: 2, Funny

    You're forgetting that with Palladium (TM) ® © viruses won't be allowed onto your computer!

    1. Re:Viruses are outdated by Sj0 · · Score: 3, Funny

      voice from the camera:Excuse me, I noticed you are writing a letter...

      --
      It's been a long time.
    2. Re:Viruses are outdated by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      More likely the viruses can get in just fine, but you cannot.

  13. I am not that worried by codepunk · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hardware purchases at my company go like this....

    COMPANY: Does it run linux?

    VENDOR: It will soon!

    COMPANY: Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

    --


    Got Code?
    1. Re:I am not that worried by TheAncientHacker · · Score: 4, Funny

      You mean it isn't:

      COMPANY: Does it run linux?

      VENDOR: We include a TechRef so you can write your own drivers and install routines to run under linux. After that, if we like your work, we'll sell it back to you as part of our price for the upgrade to the next version

      COMPANY: Wonderful. You're true followers of Open Source.

  14. Bleaaargh by TrancePhreak · · Score: 2, Funny

    MS does something. Slashdot reacts with extreme criticism. Repeat next day.

    --

    -]Phreak Out[-
  15. Emacs? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    They're going to re-engineer emacs?

  16. We are Trapperkeeper ... by ProfMoriarty · · Score: 5, Funny
    After reading the article, and others' comments ...

    Am I the only one who gets the image of Longhorn looking like Cartman's TrapperKeeper?

    You will be assimilated ...

    --
    Karma? Karma? I don't need no stinkin' karma.
  17. Re:Been there, done that. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    > [they're] going to recreat Emacs.
    ^^^^^
    I think you're confused. Spelling "create" as
    "creat" was the great innovation Unix brought us.

    Toon Moene.

  18. IN SOVIET RUSSIA... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    Longhorn sucks on YOU!

  19. Wow! by Pig+Hogger · · Score: 5, Funny
    'Microsoft doesn't think computer users should have to use one program to read and write a word-processing file, another to use a spreadsheet, and a third to correspond via e-mail. Rather, the company thinks, a single program should handle it all.
    Wow! Ms-EMACS!!!
  20. Re:Holy crap! by soccerisgod · · Score: 3, Funny

    The complete quote (the funniest part is missing):

    Salesman: ...but by far, this computer is our most user-friendly. The pre-installed software has only one button. And we press it before it leaves the factory.
    Dilbert: What does it do?
    Salesman: Whoa! I'm in over my head. Let me give you their tech support number.

    Source: Casual Day has gone too far.
    Gotta love it :D

    --
    If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?
  21. The Microsoft Dream by MarcQuadra · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Honey, let's try not to use any spreadsheet this month, the bill last time was really ridiculous, I added minutes to our word processor so you can finish your resume. I swear if little johnny leaves PowerPoint open overnight again I'll wring his geeky neck, that last bill was $470!" - A Microsoft Dream

    --
    "Sometimes, I think Trent just needs a cup of hot chocolate and a blankie." -Tori Amos on Nine Inch Nails
  22. One application for everything? MS BOB! by Mongoose · · Score: 3, Funny

    Yes, it looks like longhorn is based on MS BOB tech!

    Yay! I hope clippy the paper clip is an optional avatar this time.

    Anyone considering buy longhorn gets what they deserve imho; but it's too bad most people have no idea about anything computer related -- and will buy anything preinstalled even if they can't even use it.

    I like how all these kids on the local campus are removing XP from their machines to install win98 for example.

  23. Re:Great line... by SEWilco · · Score: 2, Funny
    ...it will be the first version [of Windows] that won't function fully without new hardware
    Oh, so they're finally going to create hardware so a version of Windows will function fully!
  24. Better the BOB by s-orbital · · Score: 2, Funny

    The newest Micro$oft rollout: Introducing Microsoft GOD.
    This is the amazing program that can and will do everything you need. (except run)

    By reading this, you have authorized your computer to become property of Microsoft. God will now be installed, once your credit card is billed.

    Welcome to the MS billing program
    Now searching your computer for you credit card information...please wait


    For more information please visit God's homepage.

    --
    Patent: from Latin patere, to be open