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Jupiter Forecasts 50% Increase In Spam
Mr. Sketch writes "According to Yahoo, the amount of spam is expected to increase 50% in the next five years, meaning the average american will get over 3600 of them a year. The future of email is??"
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I get more "Enlarge your penis!!!" Emails than anything else right now in my inbox (*sigh* if only it were true...)
Here we have the ultimate triumph of the marketdroids. These people think we would buy their stuff for sure, if only we heard the sales pitch. Hmmm... how about "not."
I've got news for them... you CAN'T sell ice to eskimos. This kind of ridiculous crap makes the sellers look like a bunch of charlatans (if the shoe fits...), and annoys the audience.
When I get carpal tunnel from pressing Ctrl-D, somebody's going to suffer.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
It seems we have found a use for Astrology!
Since when can a planet perdict an increase in Spam, read the headline, it sounds just like Astrology!
"Entropy is the bad-guy, and he is everywhere"
But at least my penis will grow by an inch or two.
And it'll always be hard thanks to those free viagra trials.
/^[A-Z0-9._%+-]+@[A-Z0-9.-]+\.[A-Z]{2,4}$/i
Thus concludes the 8 o'clock news.
And now for the Spam forecast for tomorrow we switch to our techie in the basement.
john?, John are you there?
Yes margret, we're here in the basement of one of our nations largest ISP's, are we're looking on the screen.
As you can see, most spam will be concentrated in the north-west, and will slowly decent into the more southern regions of the nation. We can expect particulary heavy downfall of explicit spam, so parents, keep your children away from their mailboxes tomorrow!
As for the rest of the week, I am sad to say that it doesnt look good. we're likely to see a further increase, as we have seen in the last 5 years in a row now.
This has been John Geek from the basement of the heart of the digital world, back to you margret...
Why are other peoples sig's always more witty ???
Same theory with spam. Except my amount of spam will increase 1000fold, and yours won't increase at all. I'm messing up the average. I should probably stop soliciting impotence advice from Dr. Spam-alot.
Sex - Find It
It gives you the feeling that there are people out there who care enough to send you personalized, thoughtful solicitations. They wouldn't send it to you if they thought you didn't really, really be interested in the product they're selling.
Also, it's pink and tasty.
why run from Vincenzo?
That's three months of daily beatings, and people are loving Bayesian filtering already - I think it'll be just dandy by 1.3 :-)
http://rocknerd.co.uk
Associated Press - WASHINGTON DC
President Bush announced before a joint session of Congress today that the United States will "fight a global war against SPAM." Citing the dramatic increase in SPAM over the past decade and forcasts that this trend will continue, Bush called for the funding of a federal initiative to "track down SPAMers with global reach."
Dubbing China, South Korea, and Nigeria the "axis of Potted Meat" the the President warned of "the gravest possible consequences" for States continuing to harbor and support SPAMers.
"Under my authority as commander and chief of the United States armed forces I have ordered surgical strikes against... routers in these countries," Bush said. "This is only the first step."
Under a presidential directive US warplanes are now enforcing a "no fly zone" over Austin Minnesota, headquarters of Hormel Foods. The administration declined to comment on this quarentine.
Killfile(TGK)
No trees were killed in the creation of this post. However, many electrons were inconvenienced.
In 1970 there were 500 Elvis impersonators in America. Today there are 150,000.
It is expected that in the year 2020 one out of every three people will be an Elvis impersonator.
Mercury Predicts: The sun will rise tomorrow.
Venus Predicts: A slashdot reader will not get laid tonight
Earth Predicts: You are here X
Mars Predicts: Continued fighting in the Middle East.
Saturn Predicts: More pictures will be taken of its rings.
Neptune Predicts: An unsinkable ship will eventualy sink.
Uranus Predicts: Someone will relpy to this post with a Goatse link.
Pluto Predicts: Disney characters will not enter the public domain any time soon.
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