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Because Only Terrorists Use 802.11
skinnyd writes "Consultants working for the Department of Homeland Security have announced that the Feds view open WiFi as a means of abetting terrorists, and say that they will compel the open wireless operators will have to close off their nets. 'Homeland Security is putting people in place who will be in a position to say, "If you're going to get broken into ... we're going to start regulating."'
802.11 uses terrorists!
What else will homeland think of next
and today all pr0n is banned becuase only terrorists shoot a load off
I really see this and the real story on the same level. Shelters are run by volunteers charitably. Open WAPs are run by volunteers charitably. Both have the theoretical possiblity of aiding terrorism. Shouldn't both be banned if one is? Seriously, how far will we tolerate having our freedoms taken away in the name of security?
live(free) || die;
Let me give you a list of things that aid and abet terrirists: 1. Water. Terrorists drink it you know. 2. Toliets. They use these too. 3. Beds. Terrorists sleep you know. 4. Air. They also breathe. 5. Newspapers, books, especially phone books. You know that terrorists wuse codes based upon all of these, don't you? 6. Telephones. Terrorists use the phone to talk to each other 7. The Internet. Enough said? 8. Restaurants. Terrorists meet at restaurants. 9. TV, Cable TV, the radio. Terrorists use all of these to see what their cohorts are up to. 10. Parks. terrorists meet at parks all the time. 11. Train stations, bus stations, airports. Terrorists meet at all these places. They use these to travel. Just think of what they did with airplanes after all. 12. Stores. Terrorists buy items used in terrorism there after all. 13. Cars. Terrorists travel in cars all the time. Same thing with motorcycles, motor scooters and bicycles. We need to BAN these items as soon as possible! Don't be surprised if this is just scratching the surface. Another list will be out next week. Please not that guns are not on the list though. After all, if guns are banned, only terrorists will have guns!
Slashdot is for geeks, but you forgot:
Sex!
Breed terrorist, breed!
Buy a Nintendo DS Lite
Beg pardon comrade, but according to The Eleventh Edition of the Newspeak Dictionary the correct form would be "doubleplusungood" .
As in:
reporting bb minitrue doubleplusungood refs wifi slashdot unpersons rewrite fullwise upsub antefiling
Indeed, only terrorists use windows ;)
Mmmm, maybe this Homeland Security thingy isn't so bad...
you sir, are an enemy combatant.
I agree with the fact that wifi is insecure and it should be regulated
And I agree with the fact that doors are insecure and should be regulated. Some buildings like the pentagon have seure doors, but do you realize just how insecure supermarket doors are? They swing open the moment anyone walks by! A terrorist can just walk right into a supermarket! This situation is intolerable! All doors must be regulated immediately!
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- - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.
- Public Libraries
- Kinko's
- Hotel Rooms
- Tourist Information Centers
- Airport Lounges
- Highway Rest Stops (often have Public Internet Terminals)
- Internet Cafes
- Cable Company Kiosks
I hope that helps you commit your fiendish acts of email and web browsing after all the 802.11b access points in the world have been properly secured.Praise Allah.
in other news today, the whitehouse has been classified as a terrorist target and has been moved to canada.
Reporter: We hear that you've come up with a list of things that should be regulated because a terrorist may use these things to cause harm. One of the well known ones is wifi networks, are there any others and how do you think terrorists are using them to their advantage?
Bush: Yes, well one of our other main concerns is airports.
Reporter: Airports?
Bush: Yes, airports. I spent millions of dollars researching previous terrorist attacks to see what they may do. It turns out, in every airline hijacking the terrorists went to an airport to board the plane. If we shut down the airports the terrorists can't get onto the planes so there will be no more airline hijackings.
Reporter: But how will people fly planes?
Bush: I am not at liberty to disclose that information at this present time for fear that terrorists may use it to their advantage.
Reporter: Ok... moving on, it says here that you've decided to enforce stricter laws on, I don't know if I'm reading this correctly, buying coats?
Bush: Yes, that's right, it seems that most suicide bombers hide explosives under some sort of coat. If the terrorists can't buy the coats, they can't hide the bombs, if they can't hide the bombs, they can't blow themselves up. It will eliminate the suicide bomber threat.
Reporter: But if we can't buy coats how will we keep warm in the winter?
Bush: See that's the beauty of it, there's this great thing I heard about called global warming. We're not going to need the coats because it's getting warmer, not colder!
Reporter: Ummmm, right, well anyway, what's this about putting restrictions on telephone use?
Bush: Ahhh, that's my greatest plan of all, see now if I can stop the terrorists from using telephones, cell phones, earphones, headphones, megaphones, all types of phones, they won't be able to talk to each other. If they can't talk to each other they can't plan things or make threats or do any of that nasty terrorist stuff.
Reporter: How are you planning on stopping terrorists from using phones?
Bush: Well I'm going to make it illegal under the new "Apple Pie and Baseball, God Bless America Act". Under this act, it's unamerican to use telephones, and it's illegal to be unamerican because terrorists are unamerican.
Reporter: But how bad would it be if we stopped using telephones? What if there's an emergency and you need to use a phone?
Bush: Emergency? What emergency? Are you hiding something? Are you a terrorist?
Reporter: That's the most rediculous thing I've heard, what makes you think I'm a terrorist?
Bush: AHA! Only a terrorist would say something like that! Seize her!
*At this time 5 secret service agents arrest the reporter, hold her in prison for weeks without telling her what she's done, or giving her a trial, or a lawyer*
Sad thing is that's not too unlikely
So how long before skateboarding is a crime?
I crack myself up.
Moral of the story, don't jerk off while playing Counter-Strike on the Counter-Terrorist team.
I know; my comment is horribly stupid!
"We know that (an attack) could bring down the network of this country very quickly. Once you're on the network, it doesn't matter where you got in," were the words of the Homeland Security representative.
By that logic, I see the gov't compelling AOL to stop mailing out those damned trial-installation CDs.
"How many light bulbs does it take to change a person?" --BMcC-->
I am wondering if we could convince the Goverment that only Terrorist Send SPAM. That way we can use these laws for our advantage.
If something is so important that you feel the need to post it on the internet... It probably isn't that important.
Please someone think of the children...or the terrorists have already won.