A Worried Parent asks:
"My 6yo daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and is currently taking a certain stimulant whose name starts with R. I don't like it, but for the moment her happiness has improved, as opposed to when she's not medicated where she appears unhappy and frustrated with her inability to find her way in the world. She's sat through an IQ test, and the result was 147, which means she's better at doing IQ tests than 99.9% of 6 year olds. I wasn't that surprised but her teachers were, she's very clever but has difficulty following instructions - which is kind of a requirement in a classroom environment. If she's in a group of kids being given instructions she'll be looking at something else, playing with the grass, singing quietly to herself, etc. She'll suddenly become aware of all the kids wandering off to follow said instructions and then panic because she wasn't paying attention. In a group of people her attention just sort of switches off. I don't think this is something she can change. Any thoughts on how to help? Don't bother quoting the books on this one, i'm after first hand experiences. (i've read enough books :p)"
"Whatever the cause, she is quite different than most kids her age. I was much the same at her age and it was a pretty difficult way to grow up. I'd like to do what i can to make things easier for her.
Given that the Slashdot audience appears to mostly belong to the geekier end of the curve, is there any advice you can impart on parenting the geeky child... whether it comes from what did and didn't work for you as a kid, or what does and doesn't work for you as a parent of an obviously 'different' child.
Discipline is a bit of a problem but nothing that can't be handled. My biggest concern is that she'll grow up resenting her intelligence and being generally unhappy with who she is. The statistics are fairly clear on what happens to kids who grow up unhappy and with a low self esteem. Especially for a girl, in whom geekiness is seen as less socially acceptable.
Any advice?
Slashdot Mirror
My parents put me on a low sugar diet when I was a kid (very ADHD) for me it helped my attention span but I didn't run around like a normal kid anymore, so they eventually quit without bothering to try and find a good balance. My step-child on the otherhand was very ADHD also when I entered the picture, we dropped the sugar level significantly and she was very sluggesh at first but as her body adgusted she got more energy but wasn't completly herself so we increased her carbs till she had energy but could still pay attention. It really helped a lot.
I'm able to make the salary that I do for one reason: By sheer luck, my interests coincide with a marketable skill. I am a computer programmer.
At the time I got interested in programming, it was not nearly so popular. I had to hunt for opportunities to talk with other people about it. But it was my interest, so, as with everything interesting, I absorbed myself to the exclusion of every other thing in my life. My psychiatrist even recommended limiting my exposure to computers, but my mother (bless her understanding heart on this occasion) said no. She allowed me to consume my entire adolescent social life with programming. Not that I would have had it any other way. I was much too awkward and ill-adapted to enjoy that side of life anyway.
So I buried myself in books, programming projects, BBSes, games, etc. I learned enough by age 16 that I was already making part-time $$. I started assisting a professor at the local community college teaching C -- right after I finished taking the class myself. Then I went on to C++, other languages, and so on. I still love computers with a burning passion, and learn about them constantly. It is more fun than watching TV, or playing games even!
If this were not the case, however: if my interests had not been marketable: I really wonder how I would be surviving today. It makes me shudder to think about it.
As for my environment, I used to work in an office. There was always friction with co-workers about the times I would come into work, and the irregular pace of my work. My manager used to get very upset, and I've been fired before. However, at a certain point in time, one manager I had (who I will always remember fondly) decided to give up fighting me. He just said, "You know what, you've got valuable things to contribute when you want to, so let's see if we can take advantage of that." He 'let go' of trying to make me come in early, or fill out status reports, etc. When I couldn't finish my bug quota, he'd let me slack. As a result, I churned out code and ideas for him, sometimes working around the clock. I was motivated, and I no longer felt my work environment to be oppressive. I was happy in that respect.
But my co-workers loathed my freedom ever more fiercely. They tried to get disciplinary action taken against me. My manager even held a meeting, to emphasize the inherent values of different working styles, but not everyone would buy that. One guy said, "He's lazy, and he's just looking for an excuse."
Well, some of those co-workers left, and I moved away; but I kept my job and am now working remotely. Believe it or not -- despite my total lack of organizational discpline -- working from home has increased my productivity. Why? Because there are no interruptions anymore. Interruptions are the single worst enemy of someone with "Selective Focus" (my term for ADD). It is interruptions that corrupt life's orderliness, and destroy our attempts at organization. Once the interruptions were removed, my productivity nearly tripled. I was turning out work so fast, I reached a point where I had to slow down for a while. Now I am more balanced, since the excitement of being free from interruptions has died down.
It has been a long, rocky road for all concerned. It has not been easy for me, my managers, or my co-workers. It's not something one can present in a meeting, and then expect everyone to understand and follow along with. I have been at my company nearly eight years now, and have been told by senior managers that I am one of the most valuable employees in our department. They recognize the depth and breadth of my knowledge, my creativity, and my sheer velocity when approaching an interesting task. They listen when I tell them that a task does not interest me. They respect that my output is irregular during "the doldrums". But all of this has been very hard won, let me assure you. For anyone with ADHD, it will take years and years of misunderstanding and neglect before finding compassion. And some people just don't ever give it. The job I have now is my tenth.
And recognize that during this time I have been learning to understand myself too, and to realize my limitations. I don't make excuses for my deficiencies; instead, I explain them to people up front, before commitments are made. I let them know where I excel, and where I will do poorly. Thus forewarned, we can make arrangements that will profit both parties -- or just call off the agreement altogether.
It is when people wish to view themselves as "normal", who try hide behind a shield of mimicking the average person's behavior, that they will experience the greatest dismay and frustration. Don't try to be normal. Don't try to be accepted by everyone around you. Find understanding friends, and let the other ones go. You will never be exceedingly popular, but then, the people who do like you will be genuine.
Yet isn't this how it is for everyone who is odd in some way?
It depends on the IQ test being used. According to Mensa, an IQ of 132 on some tests qualifies the person for membership. To join U.S. Mensa (which accepts the top 2 percentile, check this page for acceptable test scores.)
For more information on genius in general, check out Estimated IQs of Greatest Geniuses.
I think this is something that has largely been ignored in the world at large. Remember that the IQ is a bell curve. An IQ of 130 is as rare as an IQ of 70. An IQ of 147 is as rare as an IQ of 53. (According to the Estimated IQs site, an IQ of 147 is equivalent to 99.83 percentile. Your child is "smarter" than 99.83 percent of the world.)If you think about how rare it is that a person has an IQ of 53, you begin to appreciate how special your daughter really is.
Personally, my biggest problem was motivation to work hard. All the way up throgh Sophmore year of college, I didn't have to work hard to get good grades, relying on just my memory, I could do very well. But when college got harder, I didn't have the patience to work through harder problems.
I think that you have to push your child so that they never become intellectually lazy. The problem you get is burn-out.
ADHD does exist, but I think it is rarer than is actually diagnosed. An incredibly gifted child may be labled ADHD merely because she is bored with what is, to her, very easy school work. Get a second opinion.