A Worried Parent asks:
"My 6yo daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and is currently taking a certain stimulant whose name starts with R. I don't like it, but for the moment her happiness has improved, as opposed to when she's not medicated where she appears unhappy and frustrated with her inability to find her way in the world. She's sat through an IQ test, and the result was 147, which means she's better at doing IQ tests than 99.9% of 6 year olds. I wasn't that surprised but her teachers were, she's very clever but has difficulty following instructions - which is kind of a requirement in a classroom environment. If she's in a group of kids being given instructions she'll be looking at something else, playing with the grass, singing quietly to herself, etc. She'll suddenly become aware of all the kids wandering off to follow said instructions and then panic because she wasn't paying attention. In a group of people her attention just sort of switches off. I don't think this is something she can change. Any thoughts on how to help? Don't bother quoting the books on this one, i'm after first hand experiences. (i've read enough books :p)"
"Whatever the cause, she is quite different than most kids her age. I was much the same at her age and it was a pretty difficult way to grow up. I'd like to do what i can to make things easier for her.
Given that the Slashdot audience appears to mostly belong to the geekier end of the curve, is there any advice you can impart on parenting the geeky child... whether it comes from what did and didn't work for you as a kid, or what does and doesn't work for you as a parent of an obviously 'different' child.
Discipline is a bit of a problem but nothing that can't be handled. My biggest concern is that she'll grow up resenting her intelligence and being generally unhappy with who she is. The statistics are fairly clear on what happens to kids who grow up unhappy and with a low self esteem. Especially for a girl, in whom geekiness is seen as less socially acceptable.
Any advice?
Slashdot Mirror
I was....am. My kids are border. My wife teaches elementary school and visits this issue on a routine basis.
Two things...first, learn exactly what true ADHD is. Read up until you are sick of it. You need to be able to tell others with confidence how to distinguish true ADHD from other problems. This is never easy, unless you've suffered yourself. Also learn about dyslexia.
Second, remember your goal. This is to support your child. Not to defend yourself as a parent...not to cave in to a doctor or teacher without enough time to help your child. This is the hard part.
Good luck....
Too often these kids are over looked in the classroom and by their parents as being "under-par" by their own analysis because the kids aren't understood, when in fact they're almost always superior in intelligence.
ADHD and learning disabled childeren usually have a very short attention span when it comes to things that do not entertain/challenge/interest them whatsoever. Socially they may suffer a few years behind the crowd (we all hate crowds right?)
one of the things you can do, is find something that interests/challenges her/him to his or her own liking, then build on it. Use that when they are younger (while exploring other options and ideas they are interested in) you catch their idea and sort of mix it in with other things you want to teach them or have them learn about on their own.
For me, it was the computer. If it didn't include my old c128, 8088 or amiga it wasn't worth it. But being preteen, having a strong interest in any area of life with little interest in anything else, AND teachers/parents not understanding it can stunt development of a child.
hope that helps
The question is if there is such a thing as ADHD.
Keirsey wrote a pamphlet denying it. As a school psycologist, he found most kids diagnosed with "disorders" to be SPs. Being schools are not made for SPs, such kids have a *very* hard time listening without hands on experience.
The IQ test, being written (probably by NTs) for NTs, only measure strategic intelligence. With a higher IQ, she's probably an NT (though ISTP just as well, being close to the INTP). As an INTJ myself who was drugged with a double dosage of Ritalin twice daily, I can say that I had no such "disorder". I was merely energentic and bored to tears. The teacher taught at a *much* slower than I needed. As such, I got straight As (except history in eighth grade), all the awards, but Ds or Fs in "effort". Then they drugged me and "they" were happy. Talk about self-centeredness.
If only they'd set up schools by knowledge and understanding rather than age. It's so silly and damaging to potential.
Anyway, I'd suggest that you first find out her interests. A good way to do that is with the MBTI (Book: Gifts Differing). Though Kerisey (Book: Please Understand Me II) has much more observation-wise in his book. With a knowledge of (possible) interests, it can be much easier to deal with such children in an effective manner.
Have you read my journal today?
My 6-year-old, First Grade boy has ADHD, and is on the same medication as your daughter. From your story it sounds like they could be twins. Actually, he's on a time-release version, so there's no mid-day trips to the nurse for meds -- none of his classmates has a clue he's on medication, and I think that's an important point.
I can't say for sure, but looking back I'm guessing I, too, have ADHD, although milder than my son -- I learned to cope, but it's still hard to concentrate on boring tasks (e.g., work).
My advice is to listen to your daughter's doctors -- if they suggest medication, and if it helps her live a more-typical (I hate the label "normal") childhood, by all means go for it. It's certainly helping my son. One example: The difference in his drawing is amazing. He went from scribbling uncontrollably all over the page to coloring between the lines to drawing recognizeable images freehand -- in a matter of weeks! I forgot his medication one day, and it took me two hours to get to the school to give it to him. Later, at our first parent-teacher conference, his teacher said that she didn't consider him any different than any other child, until that morning. She could definately tell something was wrong (yes, we fully informed her of his ADHD before school started).
Good luck, hang in there, and ignore the jokers who say you're "drugging" your child.
If all this should have a reason, we would be the last to know.
I can't speak from the perspective of having ADHD, however, my 4 siblings and I all had what seems like a strange situation in school. All of us craved learning. We all read everything we could get our hands on from as young as 4 years old, and we all ended up in "gifted and talented" classes. Thing is, right about 6th grade, just about every one of us shut down and burned out on school, and every one of us had a hard time passing grade after grade all the way through high school. None of us ever lost the desire to learn, and we each went after our own interests full throttle, but it seems we were pretty bored with school most of the time.
I'm not speaking as an expert here, but I tend to think that school (public education at least) is not geared toward children who think for themselves. Instead, it's designed to indoctrinate to a certain extent. I remember being ridiculed frequently as a student, not only by the other students, but by the teachers, as well, and always having to back up my seemingly outlandish points that contridicted the common thinking on whatever subject was being taught.
My point is, probably one of the best things you can do is give your child the freedom to think for herself. Give her the option of deciding for herself if the teachers are telling her the truth and the best method to accomplish the tasks at hand. Obviously, she has to respect the authority, but she doesn't have to take the knowledge they impart at face value. Collectivists love public education, because it makes everyone "equal", but in the end, the unique individuals suffer and are labeled with hard-to-define learning disorders so the rest of the group can cope with the person that doesn't think like they do.
Remember, Edison and Einstein were both labeled as imbeciles by their teachers.
Maybe she tunes out because she is bored. I did. It is also possible that she has mild epilepsy, and is having petit mal seizures. This was also the case when I was a child. It started out in kindergarten. I thought I would learn to read and write, but it was just games for babies. I was dissilusioned. The teacher thought I was retarded because I refused to join in on the baby games, but when they had my mother sit in on a day of class, I was "suddenly a lively young boy." When mom asked why I didn't like school, I told her, "It's dumb!" In first and second grade, I was constantly accused of daydreaming. When I hadn't done my homework, and told the teach I hadn't heard her assigning it, I was telling the truth. I was put in the idiot classes, but once I was sent for an IQ test, I scored genius level, in the 130s. Now they were stumped, they can deal with average kids, and sub-average kids, but not gifted children.
After several years, and half a dozen doctors, I was eventually diagnosed with epilepsy. When "daydreaming," I was often having a petit mal seizure, and completely unaware of what was going on around me. Boredom with dumbed down schools was cured by sending me to an accelerated prep school, and the petit mals with Dilantin and Mysolene, as I was allergic to the drug of choice, tegretol. None of these is a stimulant like Ritilan. Petit Mal seizures usualy stop as soon as brain growth stops. Once you reach adulthood, it is gone. Mine went away just as expected. If I were a child again today, They probably would have said I have ADHD, and gave me ritilin, which would have harmed me, not helped. I used to work with a man who had been pilled up with that crap since childhood, and was still on it, and could tell dozens of horror stories about working with him. If you would like me to tell you more, email me.
The Uncoveror: It's the real news.
Yeah, I'm pretty tired of the drug bigotry. I was a psychobiology major and worked in a psych hospital for 4 years, and am consequently quite unable to judge someone by whether they are "on drugs" -- rather, what kind of person are they, and how hard are they trying? Some of the criticism is condescendingly "well meaning" but is hurtful all the same because of the stigma, and it impedes people from getting the help they need. I think some of it is due to overshoot of the anti-alcoholism anti-smoking movements into a simplistic "drugs are bad" and "drugs show weakness." But that's another topic.
:)
:) (My wife checked also with a psychiatrist who does a lot of work with children and she concurred, so I'm not just being stubborn.)
:)
Briefly, on drugs, and as the parent of a perky 6 y.o. I'm keeping an eye on, I should mention I just heard of a next-gen drug for ADHD, more sophisticated than the stimulants used up to now. Ask about it (it would be nice if I remembered the name, wouldn't it?). There has been a lot of press about overuse of Ritalin, which is just the brand name of one of several drugs, but there is also a lot of hype, and there will always be some doctors pressed by time or parents who write a prescription rather than sit down with the child to figure out what's going on. The child may need both. (While I'm "on drugs," I should add there is a more advanced formulation of Ritalin called Concerta which allows precise once-a-day dosing, and avoids the embarrassment of having to go to the school nurse.) A related problem is the lack of studies of drugs in children. (Speaking of studies, there was a good recent article in the NYT Magazine on a relatively novel ADHD study -- sorry it's not free any more.
From what you write, in my unexpert opinion, it sounds like your child is a mild case. Serious ADHD children are something altogether different, and I used to work in a psychiatric hospital. My son is having conduct problems -- acting before thinking -- and has attention span issues, either flighty or hyperfocused, both of which are classic symptoms. Still, and as someone with no philosophical reservations about medication, I believe he is subclinical and am taking a wait-and-see approach, despite the two calls I've gotten from school so far.
He too is extremely bright, and some do think there is some correlation, though ADHD is no proof of smarts... I have a theory it is more prevalent in the tech community, also, for social and intellectual reasons I could explore but someone here might get touchy.
I also have to acknowledge that dealing my son whom I love dearly has been an exasperating experience. I am tired of yelling at him and feel guilty for yelling at him, it's not my style but on some things like wandering into the street there is not room for negotiation. However much I know there is a biological issue, it is very difficult to not react emotionally to things like the child not listening; the medical is interpreted as behavioral, or even plain insulting. The parents may well go through more pain than does the child.
The question is not whether the problem is serious, but what's in his/her best interest, and even with medication the child has to learn certain self-discipline and organizational skills no matter what. The medicine is neither a crutch nor a magic bullet, and it cures nothing; rather it restores some balance so the kid can take it from there. Untreated ADHD can lead to secondary problems like a sort of learning disability and of course cause social adjustment problems as well. Often the problems go away with age, and in fact there is very little available in the popular press about ADHD/ADD in grown-ups. (Oh, a lot of people don't know about the ADD variant, which lacks the stereotyped hyperactivity -- some people may grow out of ADHD into ADD.)
Finally, my pragmatic view is that while you should not allow the callous comments of uninformed or unprincipled people to affect you, don't tell anyone who does not need to know. Once a label has been attached it can be hard to pry off, and of course kids will seize on anything to ridicule each other. Believe me on this one!
Privately, deal with the issue without qualms, and when necessary explain to a stubborn teacher or school administrator that this is a medical problem, not a fault in your childrearing or character weakness in your child. On the other hand, in some places school officials are too quick to medicalize a problem because it appears to provide an easy way out; there are anecdotes of them insisting a child be medicated. Above all make sure you talk to your child and explain what's going on and why she may have to try a little harder than other kids but is no less a person.
I look back on what I've written and realize I could write a lot more! Read as much as you feel necessary from professional sources, and let me or any of us know if I can help out. A good place to look for reading material is Amazon because of the reader feedback. There are also, of course, entire organizations, Web sites, and discussion groups dedicated to ADHD. The lattermost may be good for commiseration among tired parents -- don't forget your needs along the way.
To end on the upbeat note, ADHD is HIGHLY treatable, and much progress is being made. It was not that many years ago that everything from autism to ADHD was blamed on bad parenting. Here is a short page I put together re ADD, emphasizing the humor in it.