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Melting Away Ice Hazards
RadioheadKid writes "Dartmouth College Professor Victor F. Petrenko is getting a grip on ice. He and his colleagues have found ways to take advantage of the "protonic" semiconductor properties of frozen water. They see many applications of this discovery from melting ice on power lines to electronic speed control for skis and snowboards. I guess those Petrenkos just love the ice."
the idea of someone being at an Ice Conference is troubling.
-- 'The' Lord and Master Bitman On High, Master Of All
I can already see the headlines
Ripper:
You know when fluoridation first began?
Mandrake:
No. No, I don't, Jack. No.
Ripper:
Nineteen hundred and forty six. Nineteen fortysix, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your postwar commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual, and certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard core commie works.
Mandrake:
Jack... Jack, listen, tell me, ah... when did you first become, well, develop this theory.
Ripper:
Well, I ah, I I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.
Mandrake:
sighs fearfully
Ripper:
Yes a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I was able to interpret these feelings correctly: loss of essence.
Mandrake:
Yes...
Ripper:
Have you ever seen a commie drink a glass of water?
Mandrake:
Well, no I... I can't say I have, Jack.
Ripper:
Vodka. That's what they drink, isn't it? Never water?
Mandrake:
Well I... I believe that's what they drink, Jack. Yes.
Ripper:
On no account will a commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.
Mandrake:
Oh, ah, yes. I don't quite.. see what you're getting at, Jack.
Ripper:
Water. That's what I'm getting at. Water. Mandrake, water is the source of all life. Seven tenths of this earth's surface is water. Why, you realize that.. seventy percent of you is water.
Mandrake:
Uhhh God...
Ripper:
And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
Mandrake:
Yes. chuckles nervously
Ripper:
You beginning to understand?
There once was a man named Petrenko
who found flow where you'd not think to think so
In white Russian ice
he could make juice flow nice
now he dreams of cool cash and green dough
Cake or Death? Cake Please!
Canada has a purpose!
Cake or Death? Cake Please!