Slashdot Mirror
Lord of the Rings, as Written By Everyone Else
sn0rt writes "A thread on Straight Dope asks what would happen if someone else had written the Lord of the Rings. Reader submissions include Ernest Hemingway, Douglas Adams, Mark Twain, HP Lovecraft, ee cumings, Milton, Mickey Spillane, Danielle Steele, Ayn Rand(!!), Ray Bradbury, Gilbert and Sullivan and Tom Clancy. My favourite is Dr. Suess: 'Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring!
I am too small to carry this thing!' 'I can not, will not hold the One. You have a slim chance, but I have none. I will not take it on a boat,
I will not take it across a moat. I cannot take it under Moria, that's one thing I can't do for ya. I would not bring it into Mordor, I would not make it to the border.'"
That has got to be the dumbest thing I have seen posted here. Why do the editors thing that all geek are silly children and get off on this stupid stuff. This is worse then the never ending saga of Fartscrape. Just can the damn thing.
Look, if you aren't familiar with the story, or haven't read it, I don't have much sympathy for you. It's not a surprise to anyone who's read a book in the last 50 years. The plot is hardly a mystery.
Sorry you haven't read the books, but you really should- and before you see the (last) movie. Believe me, you'll enjoy the movie more. Don't expect the majority who are familiar with the plot to go out of their way to avoid a "rosebud moment".
None taken. However, given how LOTR is one of the most important pieces of western fiction written in the 20th century, and that it has existed for well over 50 years, I don't really feel too badly about spoiling the moviegoing experience for people who haven't taken the time to read the damn thing.
Further, in my opinion, you can't really enjoy the movie fully unless you've read the book, because so much is left out of the movie. Just as a single example, the movie never even touches on just why the city of Osgiliath is a destroyed ruin even though several major scenes take place there.
And really, people bitching about the movie being spoiled for them because they didn't know the plot of the book really is just plain irksome.
Just to be clear: Rosebud is a sled. The fucking boat sinks. The guy's really dead from the beginning. And Gollum is actually the one responsible for destroying the ring, albeit by accident. None of these things should be a surprise to anyone who hasn't lived in a hole for the last 20 years.
I'm not trying to be an ass (or maybe I am) but I really don't have much patience for anyone who is so dreadfully out of touch as to not know the basic plot of LOTR. I'm actually surprised that even people who haven't read the book don't know at least the high points.
Oh, please do spare me. I'll be damned if I'm taken to task on Slashdot for being immature or inconsiderate. I personally think it's the height of arrogance to expect the vast majority to tiptoe around the illiterate morons who can't be bothered to PICK UP A BOOK. And I stand by my position: I have no sympathy for, nor any real inclination to accomodate, anyone who hasn't read LOTR. I'm not really trying to be an ass, although I'm probably coming off that way. I don't think you *have* to read it, I just don't want to hear the bitching when you (inevitably) hear about the things that happen in the book.
And as far as Citizen Kane goes, once again, if you haven't heard about it, get out from under the rock. I really don't think that the vanishingly small number of people who a) haven't seen it and b) might see it someday who are startled by this earth-shaking revelation on Slashdot are going to concern me unduly.
And furthermore, if the movie can't be enjoyed even if you know the "twist" then it's not worth watching.
One more thing to add. The person that you so gleefully dumped on because he was "so dreadfully out of touch as to not know the basic plot of LOTR", as a direct result of your actions, may very well never read the books now.
Or he might go and read them. Who knows? Certainly not you, and not I. The series has been around for 50 years or more, and I don't really care that people haven't read it, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm not going to tiptoe around what to my mind is common knowledge. These things aren't revelations, they're not surprises, and I'm tired of hearing people carp about how the ending of a movie that was written 50+ years ago was spoiled for them because someone dared to discuss it openly on a bulletin board! The world does not revolve around the ignorant.
You think that you have made a brilliant contribution to the discourse contained herein.
No, I actually don't. I think I simply spoke my opinion- oh wait, I guess I'm not allowed to do that if it offends you, right? Piss off; I'm not the one with the smug, elitist attitude, sparky.
Not to mention wasting the past ten minutes of *my* life.
Now this is arrogance of the first water. You want to mod me down, go for it- but you take time to reply, you live with it. If you don't agree, great- disagree. But don't whine about *me* wasting *your* time. You want to talk, cool. You don't, then move the hell along.