What Should I Do With My Life?

gse writes "I first heard about Po Bronson's What Should I Do With My Life? here on Slashdot a few weeks ago, then read more about it on NPR. I found these articles and excerpts compelling and inspiring, so I picked up the book. Before I get into the review, some quick background on me so it's clear where I'm coming from: I'm a geek. I've been programming since I was a little kid, I have a computer science degree, I contribute to open source projects, I've been coding professionally for ten years. I am "successful" in my career. But I've found my day job unfulfilling for years, and as a musician I often wonder if I should follow my heart elsewhere. I imagine I'm not the only Slashdot reader who fits this description." Read on for Scott's take on this book. What Should I Do With My Life? author Po Bronson pages 400 publisher Random House rating not perfect but worthwhile reviewer Scott Evans ISBN 0375507493 summary Dozens of "real people" refactor their lives and careers in pursuit of happiness.

Given all that, I figured What Should I Do With My Life? was pretty much written for me. The book tells the true stories of dozens of people who made hard decisions and gave up careers, educations, and lifestyles in order to give themselves reasons to get up every morning, and maybe to find true happiness. In researching the book, Po Bronson interviewed nearly a thousand people all over the US, and got to know some of them very well. He intertwines their stories with his own personal tale, and often pauses between stories to reflect on everything he saw and learned while writing the book.

So how's the book? Good and bad.

I had hoped to distill some great truth from these stories -- to leave with a clear sense of the changes I have to make, and with the resolve to make them. No dice. To be fair, Bronson never promises any such thing; in fact, he promises quite the opposite. And rightfully so. There are certainly no silver bullets here.

But my real problem with What Should I Do With My Life? is that I couldn't identify with so many of its subjects, and eventually that turned me off. It felt like four out of five people had law degrees or worked in finance or politics. Very few were geeks, or even grunt-level office 9-to-5'ers. In his introduction Bronson says "the people in this book are ordinary people," but it didn't feel that way. An ex-doctor whose father was a famous cardiologist; a Hollywood production executive; an established Hollywood screenwriter; CFOs, CEOs; guys that sold startups for millions. A PhD marine biologist who "quit and became a dentist." Wowie.

Even Bronson's generalizations alienated me. The "we" that define ourselves by our salary or possessions or career achievements -- that's not my "we." I think (hope?) Bronson has spent so much time in Silicon Valley culture that he's over-projecting. Maybe I'm not ambitious enough, but I've never been a careerist and neither have my friends. So when Bronson steps back so say we need to fight the urge to justify ourselves by our status, I think "who's 'we'? I never had that urge." I've never had anything to prove to anyone but myself; yet I still feel trapped by some of the life/career decisions I've made.

Now, the book doesn't focus solely on outstanding people. It's just that once I noticed all the med school and law degrees and sold-her-third-startup, I couldn't not notice them anymore, and I'd say to myself "maybe this book isn't for me after all. I'm nothing like these people."

But enough bitching. There's some great stuff in the book as well and some stories really connected with me: the attorney turned trucker; the husband/wife team that bought a tree farm; the would-be Olympic athlete who had to give it up for motherhood; and more. Better yet, some concepts stayed with me. For instance, the this-should-be-obvious concept that local cultures shape expectations and self-worth differently. "In Los Angeles, if you say you're a musician, you're asked ... are you, or will you be, successful? In New Orleans, if you say you're a musician, then people accept that you're a musician, even if you jam one night a week at some dive with no audience." Nice.

My favorite concept from this book is one of Bronson's closing points: the reminder that all you get is a glimmer. The rest is all you and your willingness to to see where that glimmer takes you. I've lived this -- it's true in the creation of good software, it's true in making records, it's true in any creative pursuit. Eureka moments rarely happen, so don't wait around for one.

I found myself flying through this book -- it's written in a nice, casual tone and it's an easy read. But reading quickly was a mistake. I suggest reading a chapter or two at a time, then putting the book down to digest it. Otherwise it's too easy for people and stories to blur together or be forgotten entirely. Maybe that's why the online excerpts were so compelling -- I was left with 2 pages to think about instead of 75.

Okay, so Po Bronson didn't provide the answers to all my problems. But he got me to frame my "what am I doing to do" question better, and he got me to take it seriously. That's worth $15 right there. It's also uplifting to read about people who have found their bliss. There is hope!

I'll lend this book to a lot of friends and I'll probably buy copies for a few as well. It's worth a read.

Whether or not you buy the book, I strongly recommend reading the aforementioned NPR interview and excerpted chapter. Those alone address some great points and will get you thinking.

You can purchase What Should I Do With My Life? from bn.com. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page. You may also want to visit Po Bronson homepage: pobronson.com."

Comments

Give up an education?

[Didion Sprague]

Good review, but I'm curious: how do you give up an "education?" I mean, you can decide not to continue with an education, but the theory is (I hope) that once you have it, education sorta -- more or less -- sticks. Although this might not apply if you're an idiot.

Pretty telling

[Deacon Jones]

(nice and balanced review, by the way).

An ex-doctor whose father was a famous cardiologist; a Hollywood production executive; an established Hollywood screenwriter; CFOs, CEOs; guys that sold startups for millions. A PhD marine biologist who "quit and became a dentist." Wowie.

Some of the local papers run these stories too--about people who cashed in on the "hectic dot com lifestyle" to run a bed and breakfast or some sort. Makes it a lot easier to "get out of the rat race" when you have a nice, fat bank account to fall back on.

I am much more impressed, as you note, with those who are not independently wealthy, but chunk the opportunity to become so in order to follow their dreams. Like, say, the teacher I married.

:)

And no, I don't have a problem with those pursuing wealth above all else either...as long as they are fulfilled its their own choice to make.

Re:Simple

[microTodd]

I dunno. My father game me some advice one time which I will always remember. When I was in college and while at my first job (programming) I said to him that I had no idea what to do with my life. I didn't know what I enjoyed (video games don't count).

He told me, instead of doing something you enjoy, do something that pays decent and works decent hours, and pursue your hobbies. So I do. And now I've got weekends free and enough money to write short stories, scuba dive, and contribute to Open Source projects.

So maybe my job isn't the greatest in the world. I have to deal with crappy management, stupid projects, etc etc. But that's not my life focus. I spend every evening and all weekend doing exactly what I want to do.

Re:It is really so simple...

[Rary]

I may just be feeding a troll here, but there's also the possibility that you're actually serious, so I'll address a few of your points.

First, men and women are not the same (surprise!), so there are two different answers.

Actually, very few people, regardless of gender, are the same, so there are actually as many different answers as there are people. What you described as the "male" answer will work for some males but not others, and also for some females but not others. What you described as the "female" answer will work for some females but not others, and also for some males but not others. It's pretty ridiculous to try to package people's wants/desires into arbitrary groupings like that.

Use your work to invest in a family, look after that with your life, and you will die a happy man surrounded by your kids and grandkids.

Believe it or not, some of us (men and women) don't want a family.

You'll get old and wrinkled like everyone does, but you'll be happy.

Again, attempts to define what will make all women happy are ridiculous. I know countless women who would go completely insane living the life you've prescribed. I also know men who dream of living that very life. And even some who are living it.

healthy communities depend on each person, each gender, playing their role to the full.

No. Healthy communities depend on each person playing their role to the fullest. Gender is irrelevant. Each person's role is slightly different, and is defined by who they are (mentally, emotionally, intellectually), not what's between their legs.

Head above water first

[Lord Grey]

It's nice when you're able to change careers (or whatever you want to call the primary source of your income) but you have to have some way of supporting yourself while you're shifting gears.

I believe that many people are truly stuck in their current jobs because they don't have the savings or support to make the leap. Hence, most of the success stories you read are about those people who sold their company, or had a high income previously, simply because those are the people who were able to make the leap.

Re:Simple

[iocat]

When I hear about someone who makes $200,000 a year, has a nice house, nice cars, and a nice family, and then decides that it isn't enough, or they hate the job now, all I want to say to them is "shut the fuck up, you have it better than 99.999% of humanity, and your whining makes you sound like a total asshole."

I just have no sympathy for whiny, rich people who are desperate to "find themselves," which is the meme it seems that this book is enamored with.

I guess it's cool if you're rich to do something you like, but don't try to convince me that you're somehow more noble for having done it. There are lots of people who are poor or middle class who do work at what they enjoy, or have satisfying lives, but they don't make a giant federal case out of it.

As to the person who chucks the $200,000 job to open the general store in Montana, they just strike me as being selfish and immature. It's a rustic, escapist fantasy, and they force their family to live through the unpleasant reality with them. It's very unlikely that someone making $200K a year will ever be able to develop the survival skills needed to live at $50K (gross).