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What Should I Do With My Life?
Given all that, I figured What Should I Do With My Life? was pretty much written for me. The book tells the true stories of dozens of people who made hard decisions and gave up careers, educations, and lifestyles in order to give themselves reasons to get up every morning, and maybe to find true happiness. In researching the book, Po Bronson interviewed nearly a thousand people all over the US, and got to know some of them very well. He intertwines their stories with his own personal tale, and often pauses between stories to reflect on everything he saw and learned while writing the book.
So how's the book? Good and bad.
I had hoped to distill some great truth from these stories -- to leave with a clear sense of the changes I have to make, and with the resolve to make them. No dice. To be fair, Bronson never promises any such thing; in fact, he promises quite the opposite. And rightfully so. There are certainly no silver bullets here.
But my real problem with What Should I Do With My Life? is that I couldn't identify with so many of its subjects, and eventually that turned me off. It felt like four out of five people had law degrees or worked in finance or politics. Very few were geeks, or even grunt-level office 9-to-5'ers. In his introduction Bronson says "the people in this book are ordinary people," but it didn't feel that way. An ex-doctor whose father was a famous cardiologist; a Hollywood production executive; an established Hollywood screenwriter; CFOs, CEOs; guys that sold startups for millions. A PhD marine biologist who "quit and became a dentist." Wowie.
Even Bronson's generalizations alienated me. The "we" that define ourselves by our salary or possessions or career achievements -- that's not my "we." I think (hope?) Bronson has spent so much time in Silicon Valley culture that he's over-projecting. Maybe I'm not ambitious enough, but I've never been a careerist and neither have my friends. So when Bronson steps back so say we need to fight the urge to justify ourselves by our status, I think "who's 'we'? I never had that urge." I've never had anything to prove to anyone but myself; yet I still feel trapped by some of the life/career decisions I've made.
Now, the book doesn't focus solely on outstanding people. It's just that once I noticed all the med school and law degrees and sold-her-third-startup, I couldn't not notice them anymore, and I'd say to myself "maybe this book isn't for me after all. I'm nothing like these people."
But enough bitching. There's some great stuff in the book as well and some stories really connected with me: the attorney turned trucker; the husband/wife team that bought a tree farm; the would-be Olympic athlete who had to give it up for motherhood; and more. Better yet, some concepts stayed with me. For instance, the this-should-be-obvious concept that local cultures shape expectations and self-worth differently. "In Los Angeles, if you say you're a musician, you're asked ... are you, or will you be, successful? In New Orleans, if you say you're a musician, then people accept that you're a musician, even if you jam one night a week at some dive with no audience." Nice.
My favorite concept from this book is one of Bronson's closing points: the reminder that all you get is a glimmer. The rest is all you and your willingness to to see where that glimmer takes you. I've lived this -- it's true in the creation of good software, it's true in making records, it's true in any creative pursuit. Eureka moments rarely happen, so don't wait around for one.
I found myself flying through this book -- it's written in a nice, casual tone and it's an easy read. But reading quickly was a mistake. I suggest reading a chapter or two at a time, then putting the book down to digest it. Otherwise it's too easy for people and stories to blur together or be forgotten entirely. Maybe that's why the online excerpts were so compelling -- I was left with 2 pages to think about instead of 75.
Okay, so Po Bronson didn't provide the answers to all my problems. But he got me to frame my "what am I doing to do" question better, and he got me to take it seriously. That's worth $15 right there. It's also uplifting to read about people who have found their bliss. There is hope!
I'll lend this book to a lot of friends and I'll probably buy copies for a few as well. It's worth a read.
Whether or not you buy the book, I strongly recommend reading the aforementioned NPR interview and excerpted chapter. Those alone address some great points and will get you thinking.
You can purchase What Should I Do With My Life? from bn.com. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page. You may also want to visit Po Bronson homepage: pobronson.com."
I've rarely seen a career advice book that had any useful advice, and this sounds as if it fits into that pile.
I've changed directions several times in my life, and in most cases it's been a leap up (or at least not a leap back). The main thing is finding what you like to do, what you want to achieve, and a way to do it legally while making money. Sure there's compromises, stretches, and training, but no one promised life would be easy.
I expect to see more and more books on Careers with this economy. Look soon for a book where some author explains or studies people who left IT for other careers.
"The Sage treasures Unity and measures all things by it" - Lao Tzu
> I am "successful" in my career. But I've found my day job unfulfilling for years, and as a
>musician I often wonder if I should follow my heart elsewhere.
Let me offer you the other side of the coin.
I was a musician since I was a little kid. I have a music degree from a big-name private music school. Playing was, and is, something that I very much enjoy.
I've also programmed as a hobby since I was a kid, since starting out on a Trash-80. Computers were something that interested me, but I never considered making a career out of it.
In 1996, I was a year out of college. I was living on a friend's couch, and eating cold cereal and canned beans three meals a day. I had *no* money, and no real prospects for making any.
A friend of a friend of a friend was running a porn site, and the business had grown to the point where he needed help. He offered me a job, part time, sorting pictures and answering customer email. Over time, I learned html, then perl, then server administration, blah blah blah.
Fast-forward seven years. I run my own consultancy. I work in my bathrobe most days. I eat cold cereal and canned beans (sometimes) because I happen to like them, not because this week's food budget is $4. I still play, but only for fun. Life is good.
Art is great, but be prepared to be a pauper if you're going to try to make a living at it. If you can deal with complete and utter poverty, go for it. For me, it just wasn't worth it.
Po Bronson used to write books about over-educated white people in Silicon Valley. Now - the ultimate question has been answered by more over-educated multi-degreed white people on what they should do with their lives. That a book like this even gets published blows my mind except the obviously self-indulged have an urge to read about the other 2 percent of people in the world just like them.
The stories are so snore-inducing I could barely keep my eyes from jumping and skimming paragraphs ahead to locate something of interest. How many times did my head hit the pages? I started to wonder if the "kinder, gentler Po Bronson" with his soft-spoken voice and new age-y happy talk might have intended the book as a subliminal Deepak Chopra-esque meditation vehicle of some sort. Your eyes are getting heavy, you find yourself drifting off....
At the end I wouldn't have given you a plug nickel for anyone in the book and some of them were more repugnant than others in their whiny-ness and cluelessness. Like the one who went to medical school and decided to drop out after two months because she "didn't like sick people" like what the hell, hadn't she ever BEEN to a Doctor before? Didn't she KNOW that's what they do?
The book is filled with the stories of people who live within a 300 mile radius of San Francisco. Just about everyone is from the area from LA to Seattle with only a few out of this main drag as filler (or to make the book seem more serious). I used to live in this area. Insufferable individuals, who are overly impressed with themselves like the ones in this book, are why I don't live there any longer.
Most impressed with himself is the author, Po Bronson, who liberally infuses the book with cutaways into his own miraculous existence. Although he takes the blame for ruining his first marriage by cheating on his wife, he also calls her a West Coast Feminist and contrasts that with his new wife, who apparently stays much more in her place and defers to Po and let's him feel all big and strong and manly. In fact there are several thinly veiled insults to his former wife (who does not have a name) which are supremely tacky since she was with him for 12 years and pretty much encouraged and fostered his entire writing career. Way to go, Po! And perhaps a warning - look for the wolf in sheep's clothing wife number two.
Not to mention that after somewhat accidentally ending up a father, Po goes on to slam his former ideals about not wanting children. Then he slams all people who choose NOT to breed as doing it out of FEAR. He thinks it takes courage to procreate and raise children. He says, it's not that big a deal, really. Well, NOT IF YOU ARE A MAN.
What world does this guy live in? He crows about HONESTY yet I see little in this book. This is like those supposed "reality" TV shows where you go to a lush island and try to "survive" knowing there is a crew chuckwagon and medical staff standing two feet from the camera in case you stub your toe.
This is a book for the RATIONALIZATION GENERATION. The same kids he wrote about in Silicon Valley who need to pat themselves on the back and tell themselves that it's ok they lost a billion dollars. This is a book for the privelaged who need validation. Or as Bronson calls them "people with more choices" than "the working class". Right. You mean the people who actually WORK and don't cry in Starbucks about what LOSERS they are.
The people profiled in this book didn't take any REAL risks. In fact, most of them didn't do anything but change jobs here and there or think about changing a job or consider switching enterprises within their same field. There are only a scant few who chuck it all to weave baskets (in this case sell trees, farm catfish, become a long-haul trucker) and truthfully they are the only stories that have a modicum of impact. The rest are the kind of people you would move away from quickly at a cocktail party.
And Bronson himself is the one you'd want to beat feet from the fastest. He truly needs to GET OVER HIMSELF. Maybe that should be his next book, "What should I do to GET OVER MYSELF."
I think there is a simple route cause for many people's unhappiness with their careers - they are using other people's criteria for what "successful" means.
When I was in my early twenties, just after I left university, I was full of ambition, and was going to rule the world, and be a "success". I met a guy in his 30s at a party who was a gardener. He had a crappy rented flat and was paid next to nothing tending people's gardens. I thought, what a loser, when I'm his age I'm going to be successful and rich! And I told him as much. He looked me straight in the eye and told me he was the most successful person he knew. He spent all day outside doing a job he loved, he had little stress and didn't feel the need to have loads of stuff or a big house. And he told me I didn't understand myself yet. I remember thinking he was loser and a jerk, and knowing what I was like then I expect that came across quite clearly.
Now I'm older I can imagine that conversation, and I cringe at who I was then. I was the jerk, and he was right - he was a success and I didn't know what I wanted. Thankfully I do now, and I'm very happy doing a job I love.
But I still have friends who are really "successful" but really unhappy. I told one recently that he should give up his (very "successful") career in insurance and become an interior decorator (which is what he had always wanted to do when he was younger). His response was "are you nuts? I couldn't possibly do that. Everyone would think I was crazy."
Ho hum.
We only live once (that we know of) so make the most of it. If you live right, once is enough.
:)
I do anything I want to, if it interests me. Why? Because I can. I've been with OSHA, I've been a race car driver, I've been a writer, worked in a tattoo shop, network engineer, among other things.
Not for money or fame, I don't care about that, I did it because I wanted to. And I am richer (not in terms of wealth) for it. The experiences will last a lifetime, far beyond the thrill of a new computer or a new kernel upgrade.
Life finds a way to working itself out. I've never been homeless, even though I was jobless for a year. Even then, life had something to offer, if we would only learn from it.
As an aside, of all the jobs I've held, the illegal ones were most fun
So rise up, all ye lost ones, as one, we'll claw the clouds.
First, let me apologize in advance for the rant that will follow. It is kind of hard to say this stuff without sounding like an elitist f*ckwad. I do not intend to come off this way. And I tie this into the current topic at the end, so bear with me. Without further ado...
...er, [insert some tv actress' name here]. I also noticed that with one exception, the more television a friend of mine watched, the more likely they were to favor a war in Iraq. I found that particularly troubling.
...well what do you think you'd be doing if it was on?
In 1996 I doused my television with lighter fluid and did you-know-what. I really only expected to not be chained to it anymore but its effects got a lot more profound than that; around 2001 I actually began to have thoughts of my own that I couldn't trace to any marketing effort.
Further, we're social things, we humans. We float ideas we develop past them and find out what sticks and what doesn't and respond accordingly. But who are our "friends" these days? Friends, that's who. Granted, not entirely. And for some more than others. But who do you see more of -- your flesh-and-blood friends or actors? The question is rhetorical so answer honestly after thinking about it for a few minutes.
I bring this last point up because with this whole Iraq war looming, for example, I realized I was forming my own opinions instead of abrogating this responsibility to the television. I no longer had a group of electronic friends that would keep my thinking corraled within the bounds of "acceptable," whether that be Dan Rather or
Does this seems silly? Like I'm off the deep end? How many of your ideas of right and wrong coincide with how television would present it? Is this a coincidence? Is it also a coincidence that our media-drenched society is also significantly out of touch with the entire rest of the world and observably so (if you bother to look, anyway).
To borrow a page from Adbusters, go sit in front of your TV but don't turn it on. Sit there for an hour looking at it. If the first idea through your head is "that's nonsense, I'm not going to do nothing for a whole hour"
So to answer the question of this post, "What Should [You] Do With Your Life?" I don't know. That's up to you. But don't get the answer from a book, regardless of how well it is written. If you're looking to a book to answer that question for you, I would suggest you have bigger issues.
Thanks for reading this far.
My
Limekiller
I've been coding professionally for ten years. I am "successful" in my career. But I've found my day job unfulfilling for years, and as a musician I often wonder if I should follow my heart elsewhere. I imagine I'm not the only Slashdot reader who fits this description."
I have 3 months until I no longer have to deal with IT as a career again. Everytime I see these half-ass Tech School commercials on the local cable, I titter with dementia. "A fulfilling career in which you can go places!" What-fucking-ever. 9 years after stupidly volunteering for training on AIX, I am getting my terminal degree and heading to the promised land -- academia -- to do what I have always dream of.
It is difficult to express how jaded I am with the tech industry and to be honest my feelings really have little to do with my peers (who work their asses off and get no credit) but with PHBs and, most of all, users. Just before typing this post, I got off the phone with a woman who bypassed the helpdesk and sussed out (somehow) that I was the person responsible for a part of our web services platform. Of course, the problem had nothing to do with what I was responsible for. She was using an old version of IE which didn't support something in the interface. If she had called the helpdesk, she would have been told the same thing by a person who would have known instantly what the problem was. It took me 30 minutes (read $15 of taxpayer money) to figure this out simply because I am not familiar with the problem. Why did she bypass the helpdesk? Well, they cut a ticket on each call and track users and their recurring problems. In other words, they do their jobs. I asked why this was a problem. "They don't like to talk to me." A quick search shows hundreds of calls in the past year from this person. I told her that my help was a one time shot and she needed to call the helpdesk from now on. She got all pissed and said "No. Now I have a man on the inside." Fuck that. Found her supervisor and put her ass on notice. I am tired of being a bitch to people who couldn't fuck their way out of a wet paper bag.
I know. My mistake was helping her in the first place, but do you just stomp past the reception desk at the emergency room and demand that a doctor fix your hangnail? No.
So I am going to do something interesting that doesn't pay shit and is low-tech and let's me hide for 3 months of the year -- college professor.
Comparing it to Windows will be a moot point, since El Dorado is going to have a 40% larger code base than XP.
She passed the bar and started her business the year our first son was born. BTW, that was a lot of fun living with a pregnant woman who was studying for the bar. I'd hear things like "Dammit, I need some ice cream, pickles, and a pink f*cking hilighter!"
I was consulting at the time and tried doing the house-dad thing. It was impossible. Babies require constant attention. I was unable to devote the necessary concentration to my projects. Fortunately, I had an elder relative that was willing to provide day care so that I could get some work done.
Six years and another child later, my wife's earning ability surpassed mine. My investment had paid off. I had been burned out on programming for well over 5 years but kept doing it because I had to. Now, I didn't. So I retired and take care of kids and house. I spend my days playing with my children, trying to sneak in the occasional educational activity. I've been learning to cook all sorts of things, some of them are actually good. Of course, cleaning house sucks, but the kids are old enough to help out.
Since my kids are no longer babies, I can even do some programming. I've occasionally done small (1 to 3 month) programming projects. But I no longer feel burned-out because I know that I don't have to do it and I choose fun projects. Yesterday, I set up a Debian 3 box with my kids - what a blast!
My kids really know me (and I'm pretty sure they like me!). My wife enjoys being around me again. Computers are fun again. Basically, I've never been happier or healthier.
I know many people who cashed in their chips and made the brave and bold move to start up their own business, and nearly all of them failed. --I know a LOT of people who ended up in debt up to their ears, out of business and out of luck less than two years later. The banks tell us that statistically, only 1 in 5 business start-ups go anywhere. This is the truth.
HOWEVER. . . This does not mean that following one's dream is a bad idea. In fact, I happen to believe that it is the ONLY idea worth investing in, and that it can't go wrong so long as you are true to yourself. --You've heard that before, but let's think about it. .
You see, there are commonalities to all of the stories of failure, and they are, Too Little Planning and Too Much Wishful Thinking. The results are poor execution, and then failure. This cannot be overstated! --It is entirely true that if you follow your heart, you cannot fail. But many, many people don't follow their hearts. They follow illusions.
I have been amazed at the number of times I have watched a friend or acquaintance make a stupendously awful business decision, and when I gently suggest a way to correct the problem, I am barked at for, "Being Mean," for "Attacking my Dream," for, "Undermining my Positive Thinking." Etc, etc.
Yes, it is a million times more comfortable to pretend that Everything Is Alright, than it is to acknowledge that one has made an error in judgment and to then fix that error, but if you conduct yourself in such a delusional manner, you can be pretty much guaranteed to be on the skids 2 years later. This seems obvious, but clearly it is a huge issue. (1 in 5. .
When people ask my advice on starting one's own company, I stress 2 things.
In any case, though, you can sort of see why people get upset with me. Living in illusion is a helluva lot more comfy than facing these kinds of truths. But that's life; it's hard and it's unforgiving to those who refuse to look at things in an honest light. If you can't deal with that, then go back to selling burgers and quit complaining. --By contrast, however, when you DO start looking at the hard questions and when you DO start working to solve those problems in a diligent manner, then the Universe will start doling out luck and opportunities galore. I'm not kidding one little bit. Once you stop chasing illusions and determine the true nature of your path, then the Universe falls in love with you and will help you along. The Universe loves those who are willing to self-examine and strive for self-improvement. The reason for this is that the Universe knows just how devastatingly difficult this is to actually do, it knows how hard it is to earn the skills required to participate in a field in a meaningful way, and it rewards people accordingly.
The other thing to keep in mind, (and this one is golden!), is that dreams are easily transferable from one industry to another, and that aiming to acquire one stream of income is not the only or the best model for success.
For example, let's say you want to be a musician; you want to sing and write music for a living. Well, there are many, many ways to write music and sing which entirely by-pass the whole Top 40, going on tour, strutting on stage, big music label, route. There are, in fact, many unexplored ways to make music and also pay the bills. Music is a valued commodity, and there are many aspects to it which require skilled people in many different fields, in many different mediums.
Just because you happen to, say, end up as a technical producer at a recording studio, doesn't mean that you can't also write and record your own songs, etc. You might be able to book free time at the studio you work in. You might be able to take a summer off and play at pubs and sell your CD. You might meet other musicians and share ideas. Heck, perhaps you'll go the other way and discover that you find joy in repairing and building guitars and selling hand-crafted instruments. There are a million ways to build a fulfilling career. It's vital to remember that it's okay to not be on the cover of Rolling Stone. --Of course, if your heart is set on being a famous musician, if that is where the lodestone of your soul directs you without mercy, then chances are, if you play it smart and do your homework, then yes, you probably WILL end up on the cover of Rolling Stone. But most people's lodestones do not point that way, and those people need to be honest and listen more carefully to themselves in order to learn what will make them happy in the long run.
Just a few thoughts to consider.
-Fantastic Lad
My father flunked out of college at first and majored in accounting. He was misserable. When he majored in accounting he hated it and looked at college like a prison. But he wanted to where the money was. He went back 4 years later and majored in English with a 3.9 gpa and became an executive. He loved reading and writing but figured he couldn't make a living off it. When he matured and majored in what he liked (this case english)he excelled and enjoyed it. Today he is the only one on the board of executives without a MBA but he did what he liked his whole life and everything worked out.
If you enjoy it your probably good at it and can and should persue it. This will lead you into exciting things. Both at school and at work. People who have jobs they don't like do not get promoted and do not perform as well as those who like it. Its better if you leave and find something else for both parties. Do any of you want to be an old man in a wheel chair in Florida day dreaming about what life could of been? I sure don't.
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