Your Valentine's Day Plans for 2003?

Nos. writes "Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching, and though some of you Slashdot readers will be spending the day alone, there must be some of you out there who won't. So, what are you doing for that someone special this Feb 14th? My fiance is not a geek, and so wouldn't appreciate a 'geeky Valentine's'. Instead, I'm thinking a nice quiet dinner in one of our favourite restaurants. However, I recently got the 'You don't do anything romantic anymore' speech, and quite honestly am out of ideas. Can slashdot help? Obviously slashdot isn't the best place to ask, but I'm sure others are in a similar situation."

Comments

Wrong holiday.

[Cuthalion]

As a discordian, I will be celebrating an important religious holiday instead of Valentine's day. Emperor Norton I (patron saint of Emperor Norton I, and all things related)'s birthday is also on Feb 14.

Nothing wrong with /. IMO

[Graelin]

More often than not a geek knows how to treat a lady better than a lot of guys. Or so it seems at least. Must be because the typical geek is not a "manly-man." Whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. You'll also find that a lot of geeks like poetry and junk - expect that from the Apple folks. They're typically creative people. ;) Maybe one of them will write a love poem for you to give her.

For me, my wife is not a geek but does play an awful lot of DAOC lately... She says she wants a keyboard without a "stupid windows key", I guess it must be a DAOC thing.

Here's what you do - get her an appointment at one of those beauty spas on the 14th, in the evening. Make sure she'll be there for a while, maybe an hour or two. Ya know, the oil treatment, the massage, the whole nine yards. Then, when she gets home - you've got dinner waiting for her. Not any Taco Bell dude, make some spaghetti or something simple - yet not too simple. Make sure to get the red wine, if you can't cook you'd better get her drunk...

Women love this stuff and it's very much worth it - the rest of the year she will always remember this day and you'll NEVER get the "You're not affectionate" speech again.

If you didn't blow your wad on the oil treatment when splurge for diamonds. Doesn't have to be huge or expensive - just a little nugget of love that will always remind her of you (and the great Valentines day you gave her!)

Re:Nothing wrong with /. IMO

[Gordonjcp]

Here's what you do - get her an appointment at one of those beauty spas on the 14th, in the evening.

Look, you're a geek. You're meant to have an almost pathological interest in learning new things. Learn how to do all that stuff yourself. Decent massage oils are not cheap, but you can get reasonably-priced ones. You're not going to need gallons of them. You can get books out of the library on how to do it, and of course practicing is the fun bit.

You're going to need:

• Some wine - decent stuff, it's hard to go wrong with Ernest & Julio Gallo if you don't know what to get
• Music - see below for some recommendations
• Massage oil - something relaxing. Lavender is good, but she might fall asleep - less than ideal. Get something with maybe bergamot (orangey but not citrussy), ylang-ylang, and patchouli - make sure she likes the stuff you're getting though.
• Scented candles - much the same as the massage oil, avoid sharp, spicy or citrussy scents - Rosemary is right out. Or not, it might work. Whatever you choose, *NEVER LEAVE THEM UNATTENDED* Also - get a couple of known-good lighters *and* a box of matches
• Dim lights - not so dim you can't see what you're doing, and maybe the candles won't be enough. Remote controlled X10 stuff is good but make sure it works - nothing kills the mood more than geeking about in another room so you can get a nice fade on the lights. Clapper switches would probably suck too, for this (avoid sudden loud noises)
• Warm towels - you're both going to be covered in oil. You should lay a warm bath towel along your girlfriend's back when you're done to absorb any excess, otherwise it will go all over your bed, couch, carpet or wherever.

Once your girlfriend is there, feed her some good food (pasta is simple, and hard to get wrong), and have a glass or two of wine. Get some music on, and work down to slower, more relaxing tunes. How you transition from eating to massaging is down to you. Standing up and saying "Right, strip off!" is probably not a good idea.

The important thing is that you both have fun. Don't be afraid to keep the book out, but try and keep oil off it if it's a library book. If you're not getting it, have your girlfriend massage you, to show you what she wants. Most importantly, keep at it - you *do* have all day, at least, if you want to keep your girlfriend. Oh, and I can't stress this enough - turn your phones, pagers, etc off. Not onto silent, not vibrate (you kinky freak), OFF.

Tunes are important. Obviously, individual tastes are different, but there are some things that work well and some that won't. Here are some examples I've tried.

Good:

• Air - Moon Safari (practically the whole album)
• Goldfrapp - Some tracks on Felt Mountain
• Saint Etienne - various tracks
• Zero Seven - most of Simple Things
• Beethoven - Pastoral Symphony
• Bjork
• Massive Attack
• Morcheeba

Stuff that doesn't work so well:

• Iron Maiden
• Anything produced by Stock, Aitken and Waterman
• Anything from Pop Idol or the like
• The Sex Pistols
• Enya - far to cheesy
• Berlioz - La Symphonie Fantastique (way too loud and scary
• Japanese noise rock - you might both like Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her, but it's all context, isn't it?

OK, hope this helps someone. Have fun!

Re:Nothing wrong with /. IMO

[image]

Hey, that's a great post and rather good advice.

But that it exactly the opposite of what my girl would like. Funny, that.

We are -- going out to a restaraunt on E5th that a buddy of mine runs. Very nice place, top rated wine list, and surprisingly cheap. We're into cheap and punk rock.

Then headed off to see Ted Leo in Brooklyn. Ted's a good guy and his band absolutely rocks.

After that, back to the E. Village to Manitobas, 7B, or Ace, to -- guess what? Shoot some pool, look at people, drink some beers, hang with friends.

Then back home to put on some Mission Of Burma, the Rapture, the Clash, something like that.

Um, I'll leave out the rest. You get the idea.

So here's the answer -- know your girl. They don't all want the same thing. Mine's got a masters degree and an ivy league education and blows me away, but she'd rather rock on Valentines Day than get a massage. Course, she'd rather do this every night. Wow. I guess I really like her.

Happy Valentines Day, baby. (Granted, one thing she'll never do is read slashdot...)

Re:Nothing wrong with /. IMO

[Gordonjcp]

So here's the answer -- know your girl.

Therein lies great wisdom. Yep. I wrote my girlfriend a shell script, rather than a poem. A shell script (which I've already given her) that reads the EXIF headers from her photos, thumbnails them, and keys over some info from the EXIF and a copyright message. Hey, she appreciated it more than gooey poetry.

No thanks!

[Anonymous Coward]

Hi,

Dear /. community members. Please don't tell me your valentine's day plans. I really don't need to know. More importantly, you don't need to tell me. Just don't do it. The entire frigging world doesn't need to feel all 'together' by telling each other anonymous details about Valentine's day. If you're really that addicted, just get a blog and be done with it. In fact, for future reference these are some other things well worth not sharing with every random stranger:

1. Your approach to long term financial management
2. What you're going to do when you mom comes to stay next month.
3. Your preferred brand of dishwasher, and why.
4. How you deal with awkward family moments, like funerals of uncles you never really knew that well to begin with.
5. How you brush your teeth.
6. Poetry you write.
7. Anything about Ayn Rand.
8. Your opinion, based on ample experience, on how to deal with failed relationships.
9. How much high school sucked for you personally.
10. Anything about Anne Rice.

Good, I'm glad that's cleared up. Can we go back to interesting stuff now?

Re:No thanks!

[Tackhead]

> 1. Your approach to long term financial management
> 2. What you're going to do when you mom comes to stay next month.
> 3. Your preferred brand of dishwasher, and why.
> 4. How you deal with awkward family moments, like funerals of uncles you never really knew that well to begin with.
> 5. How you brush your teeth.
> 6. Poetry you write.
>7. Anything about Ayn Rand.
> 8. Your opinion, based on ample experience, on how to deal with failed relationships.
> 9. How much high school sucked for you personally.
> 10. Anything about Anne Rice.

Well, for starters, I don't mind Great Big Blowing Void Day that much. Because I don't want kids, I don't need a girlfriend, and that makes GBBVD much cheaper. Not having kids saves me thousands a year in expenses, plus tens of thousands of year in college savings requirements. If I had a wife and kids, I wouldn't be able to retire by 40.

My Mom's dead, you insensitive clod! All because my uncle fucked up when repairing her Whirlpool. It's Maytag all the way for me. Thankfully, I got the uncle back a few weeks ago - hey, Uncle, bet you don't know why Aunt Peg was walkin' funny through the whole famn damily reunion!

Avoid spin brushes,
They don't get pubes out at all,
Aunt Peg told me so

Anyways, I don't need or want a girlfriend for GBBVD, but if I had one, I'd be sure to make sure she's the kind of gal who meets the criteria of my values system and who liked it rough. Hey, it's all about Love and Selfishness.

And what is it with women, anyways? I emailed that essay to my last girlfriend and she never spoke to me again. Then, after dissing me about Rand, she went out with some goddamn architecture student who banged her like he was on the Gong show. Shows you what she knew. Last I heard, she dumped him for a vampire fetishist who enjoyed the Sleeping Beauty series.

God, high school sucked.

No plans at all!

[xt]

For this day, at least.

I try to make my girlfriend feel nice whenever I can see her. It doesn't take much; a glance, a nice thing to say about something she bought, make her laugh...

These are things she lives all year long and make our relationship strong. If you have a fiance and you are waiting for one day to make up for the rest of the year, you are doing it all wrong.

Think of you relationship with your significant other as one of your projects; if you don't assign time and thought to it, it will fail.

Funny...

[moonboy]

"I recently got the 'You don't do anything romantic anymore' speech, and quite honestly am out of ideas."

Funny how this "holiday" falls (more often than not) on the guy. What about the woman being the romantic one and coming up with that "something special".

Eh, fuckit, I'm just bitter. Just out of a slightly-longer-than-a-year relationship and sick this 'You don't do anything romantic anymore' shit. Bleh.

Best Present

[jcayer]

I did this for my wife a couple years ago. Ask her what the best present I ever gave her was, this is it. Ask her what present I got her when I did this, she has no idea.

I started about 2 weeks before Valentine's Day. I created a document and thought of one/two liners about my wife. Things I like, things I love, fond memories, etc. After 2 weeks, I ended up with like 35 things. I went to Hallmark and bought a couple packages of little kid valentine's cards.

I printed out the sheet, cut it up and put one in each card. Valentine's morning, I was out the door before she got up and she woke up to 35 cards throughout the house.

Just a warning, if you do this and figure out a way to top it, let me know.

Don't pay the DeBeers Romance Tax

[acb]

The diamond industry is controlled by a global monopoly (DeBeers, who make Microsoft look like boy scouts); they have been known to use violence and intimidation against independent producers/sellers, with machete-wielding militias cutting off the hands of those who don't comply. In southern Africa, the diamond industry exploits miners in atrocious conditions. Those precious stones you may be thinking of buying for your girlfriend/wife/partner fund bloodshed.

The association of diamonds with romance is recent and wholly artificial. It was
engineered in the 20th century by DeBeers' marketing people. They did their job excpetionally well; in America (and to a lesser extent elsewhere in the West), many women are so conditioned to associate diamonds with romance that failing to pay the DeBeers Romance Tax can mean the end of a relationship.

If you're a Linux user, you have said no to the Microsoft monopoly. Why not extend this noble principle to an even more pernicious and murderous multinational corporation? Say no to diamonds, and tell your partner why.

Good plan -- restaurants may be booked

[RhetoricalQuestion]

Depending on the restaurant and where you live, it may already be booked up for Valentine's day. If you go restaurant, book now.

That said, cooking her a nice meal is a great idea. Generally, putting your time and effort into doing something scores more points than plunking down some cash.

Some tips if you don't do dinner parties:

• Set the table, and take some time to make it look nice. A tablecloth, napkins (cloth if you've got 'em), some candles a nice candle holder, some flowers (or scatter some flower petals over the table, it saves room and doesn't require a vase) -- it doens't have to be Martha Stewart, but make an effort. You can do this ahead of time. (If you're broke, the dollar store is your friend for this one.)
• Clean up as you go. Nothing is less romantic than a big pile of dirty dishes.
• Except maybe dirty socks and dust bunnies. Clean the house ahead of time too. Make the bed.
• Read recipe instructions carefully, and pre-plan your cooking so that everything is ready at the same time. Like, if the main meal needs to bake for an hour, and dinner is a 6, the whole thing needs to be put together by 5. And while it's in the oven, you have an hour to clean up and get on to the next thing. And remember that you only have 2 hands -- you can't stir 3 things contantly at once while chopping veggies. (Think scheduling algorithms. You are the CPU.)
• Better yet, find recipes that can be made (or mostly made) in advance. You don't want to be frantically racing around the kitchen while your girlfriend sits alone waiting for you. Less time in the kitchen for you means more time with her.
• Don't cook anything heavy. Sure, both of you may love a big meal, but feeling bloated and full is not conducive to romance.
• Consider her favourite foods when choosing a recipes. Sounds obvious, but keep that in mind.
• That said, plan a meal that makes some sense. A really spicy dish will overpower a delicate one. This isn't hard to do if stick to a theme (Italian, French, Mexican) and keep things simple.
• If you're trying a new recipe, and/or you're not an experienced cook, make it ahead of time. Make sure it tastes fine, cooks for the time you expect it to, that you have all the cooking utensils required, etc. Recipes usually need to be adjusted to your kitchen.
• For the adventerous: Pay attention to how you serve and plate the food. You don't need to go overboard, but a little parsley never hurts. Put dinner rolls in a basket or a bowl instead of tossing the plastic bag on the table. Don't spread pots all over the table if you can help it.

Hope that helps. It may seem silly, but taking some time to make things look nice (as well as taste good) is part of what restaurants do. Though it may sound like a lot, there really isn't much to it -- you don't need to go overboard, but just take a moment to think about how everything looks. If this isn't something you normally do, you'll really wow her by making the effort.

Geek Girl's Advice!

[Anonymous Coward]

Sorry I'm posting as an AC, but I'm having problems with my account.

What do girls want on Valentine's Day? Just something that a) shows that you care and b) shows that you know her.

My (also geek) boyfriend likes to get me stuffed animals (cute things like Chococat and Hello Kitty and Nyago) and flowers. I love that! He also made me a KDE desktop theme that was really cute.

But, seriously, geek girl or not, you can NEVER go wrong with flowers. Pink rosebuds are nice, and less expensive then long-stemmed roses.

Dinner and flowers, plus a little something (wrapped up?) is failsafe, and really easy to customize.

If your girl wants romantic, take her to a place where she can really dress up; girls like to dress up. Or order in gourmet (gourmet grocery stores will some times do that) or reserve a night at a nice hotel.

Hotels are good options (if you don't mind being late for work the next day) because, as long as it's a nice one, you get a beautiful ambiance, room service, fine dining, and a chance to surprise her with something new and romantic. Add fresh flowers and a (sexy?) gift, and you're set!

Now maybe you guys can help me- WHAT DO I GET MY GEEK BOYFRIEND???

V-Day Again?

[Servo5678]

Valentine's Day? Aw crap, I forgot to get a girlfriend again!

It's over

[gmhowell]

She said 'you don't do anything romantic anymore'? Guess what, it's over. Pack your bags, next train leaves for splitsville. If she needs to be constantly entertained, she's already looking past you.

What you need is a woman like my wife. She hates valentine's day. With a passion. I never cared one way or another. If anything, on February 14th, we celebrate the one week anniversary of my birthday. She doesn't need a special day, as I prefer to surprise her with little things throughout the year. I'm grocery shopping, and I see a type of candy she might like, so I buy it. She's happy; I was thinking about her when I wasn't with her.

Sure, she liked the 'big gun' romantic things (like the eight hour drive I made after we had been broken up to beg her to come back. Before we were married, BTW) but she's mature enough to understand it's the little things that count.