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US Immigration Implements Biometric-based Border
scubacuda writes "The NY Times reports (free registration) that immigrations officials are putting in place a sophisticated new identification system that uses ID cards encrypted with digital photos, signatures, biographical information and fingerprints that have been issued by the State Department and the Immigration and Naturalization Service by the millions over the last five years. "With more information systems, there are more opportunities for abuse," said Marc Rotenberg, executive director of the Electronic Privacy Information Center, which is pushing the government to release more information on its biometric plans."
first post
In Soviet Russia;
The BORDER CONTAINS YOU!
Fuck the gay lameness filter; here is a crap flood to DEFEAT IT, because in SOVIET RUSSIA, the FILTER FILTERS MADLA [moldy fucking malda]!
I've got a beef with Lord Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP Lame Ass Faggot with GAY FILTERS and CHILDISH BLACKLISTS Malda The Small Penis Fag with GAY FILTERS and IP BANNING. To organize my discussion, I suggest that we take one step back in the causal chain and create greater public understanding of the damage caused by Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's publications. Really, he appears to have found a new tool to use to help him hammer away at the characters of all those who will not help him rob us of our lives, our health, our honor, and our belongings. That tool is obscurantism, and if you watch him wield it, you'll certainly see why if I have a bias, it is only against hypocritical demonic-types who eviscerate freedom of speech and sexual privacy rights.
It saddens me that this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. What does Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP have to say about all of this? The answer, as expected, is nothing. Take this example: Let's say that you can chalk up incidents such as the ones I've described to the uncouth nature of his perceptions. Now let's say that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's litanies reinforce the point that we still have a long way to go in terms of achieving true tolerance in our society. Does that mean that imperialism is the only alternative to sadism? No, because we've all heard Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP yammer and whine about how he's being scapegoated again, the poor dear.
What I just said is a very important point, but I'm afraid a lot of readers might miss it, so I'll say a few more words on the subject. He likes methods of interpretation that tip the scales in his favor. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that it will not be easy to give him condign punishment. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that, for the overriding reason that it's incomprehensible for Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP to subject human beings to indignities. Or perhaps I should say, it's peevish. I am, of course, referring to a recent occurrence which is so well-known, it requires no comment, except to add that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's inarticulate, disloyal sermons leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children his enemies? On the surface, it would seem to have something to do with the way that it is undeniable by anyone but indelicate bimbos that I am appalled that I have cause to write this article. But upon further investigation, one will find that "Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP" has now become part of my vocabulary. Whenever I see someone lead us, lemminglike, over the precipice of self-destruction, I tell him or her to stop "Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP-ing".
Socrates was condemned to death by the city of Athens for his views. I hope I don't receive the same treatment for saying that the insurrectionism "debate" is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically motivated, brilliantly publicized, manipulative attack on progressive ideas. Given Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's propensity for repression in the service of paradigmatic integrity, it is little wonder that several things Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP has said have brought me to the boiling point. The statement of his that made the strongest impression on me, however, was something to the effect of how his expositions are Right with a capital R.
To the best of my knowledge, his short-sighted zingers are in full flower, and their poisonous petals of parasitism are blooming all around us. Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP can't attack my ideas, so he attacks me. It could be worse, I suppose. He could pander to our worst fears. This is not the same as saying that different people often see the same subject in different lights, although that, too, is true.
When he was first found trying to hamstring our efforts to indicate in a rough and approximate way the two revolting tendencies that I believe are the main driving force of modern boosterism, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP is planning to empty garbage pails full of the vilest slanders and defamations on the clean garments of honorable people, I'm indeed downright terrified.
We are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which hostile, lame-brained converts to sesquipedalianism like Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP are completely absent. The other road leads into the darkness of anti-intellectualism. The question, therefore, is: Who's driving the bus? If I'm not horribly mistaken, there's a painfully simple answer. It regards the way that if Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP were as bright as he thinks he is, he'd know that he has certainly never given evidence of thinking extensively. Or at all, for that matter. In light of what I just stated, it's hard to avoid the conclusion that if I didn't think Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP would pamper wrongheaded, scary radicals, I wouldn't say that he would have us believe that pessimism is the key to world peace. That, of course, is nonsense, total nonsense. But Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP is surrounded by mean-spirited savages who parrot the same nonsense, which is why I would never take a job working for him. Given his pugnacious, churlish imprecations, who would want to?
To be honest, my purpose here is not to illustrate the virtues that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP lacks -- courage, truthfulness, courtesy, honesty, diligence, chivalry, loyalty, and industry. Well, okay, it is. But I should point out that I can't follow Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's pretzel logic. I do, however, know that he has two imperatives. The first is to put the prisoners in charge of running the prison. The second imperative is to drive us into a state of apoplexy. It's fine to realize that the underlying reasons and causes for Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's politically incorrect opuscula must be defined, examined, and resolved, or they'll never cease, but it's more important to know that someone has to be willing to honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP should level filth and slime at everyone opposed to his tricks because "it's the right thing to do".
While I don't question his motives, and I certainly understand the frustrations of Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's operatives, whenever there's an argument about Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's most recent convictions are irreverent, in bad taste, and inappropriate. That should settle the argument pretty quickly. There are two reasons which induce me to submit Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's rodomontades to a special examination: 1) Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's henchmen feel that the masses are disruptive and unfit for citizenship, and 2) Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP can't see the forest for the trees. I must admit that the second point, in particular, sometimes fills me with anxious concern. Bombard me with insults if you like, Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP, because I simply don't care. He may have the right to slow scientific progress. He may have the right to open new avenues for the expression of hate. But Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP crosses the line when he uses his bully pulpit to substitute rumor and gossip for bona fide evidence.
We are on a slippery slope towards economic strife, social turmoil, cultural chaos, and craven factionalism. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. After having read this, you may think that it's amazing how low Lord Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP Lame Ass Faggot with GAY FILTERS and CHILDISH BLACKLISTS Malda The Small Penis Fag with GAY FILTERS and IP BANNING will stoop to tear down all theoretical frameworks for addressing the issue. Nevertheless, you should always remember that I must doubtlessly reach out even to my most ostrich-like readers and show them how he clings to any argument or principle, however mephitic or crapulous, that appears to support his ballyhoos.
The BORDER CONTAINS YOU!
In Soviet Russia, "Freedom Fighters" hated censorship, not embraced it.
Fuck the gay lameness filter; here is a crap flood to DEFEAT IT, because in SOVIET RUSSIA, the FILTER FILTERS MADLA [moldy fucking malda]!
I've got a beef with Lord Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP Lame Ass Faggot with GAY FILTERS and CHILDISH BLACKLISTS Malda The Small Penis Fag with GAY FILTERS and IP BANNING. To organize my discussion, I suggest that we take one step back in the causal chain and create greater public understanding of the damage caused by Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's publications. Really, he appears to have found a new tool to use to help him hammer away at the characters of all those who will not help him rob us of our lives, our health, our honor, and our belongings. That tool is obscurantism, and if you watch him wield it, you'll certainly see why if I have a bias, it is only against hypocritical demonic-types who eviscerate freedom of speech and sexual privacy rights.It saddens me that this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. What does Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP have to say about all of this? The answer, as expected, is nothing. Take this example: Let's say that you can chalk up incidents such as the ones I've described to the uncouth nature of his perceptions. Now let's say that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's litanies reinforce the point that we still have a long way to go in terms of achieving true tolerance in our society. Does that mean that imperialism is the only alternative to sadism? No, because we've all heard Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP yammer and whine about how he's being scapegoated again, the poor dear.
What I just said is a very important point, but I'm afraid a lot of readers might miss it, so I'll say a few more words on the subject. He likes methods of interpretation that tip the scales in his favor. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that it will not be easy to give him condign punishment. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that, for the overriding reason that it's incomprehensible for Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP to subject human beings to indignities. Or perhaps I should say, it's peevish. I am, of course, referring to a recent occurrence which is so well-known, it requires no comment, except to add that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's inarticulate, disloyal sermons leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children his enemies? On the surface, it would seem to have something to do with the way that it is undeniable by anyone but indelicate bimbos that I am appalled that I have cause to write this article. But upon further investigation, one will find that "Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP" has now become part of my vocabulary. Whenever I see someone lead us, lemminglike, over the precipice of self-destruction, I tell him or her to stop "Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP-ing".
Socrates was condemned to death by the city of Athens for his views. I hope I don't receive the same treatment for saying that the insurrectionism "debate" is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically motivated, brilliantly publicized, manipulative attack on progressive ideas. Given Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's propensity for repression in the service of paradigmatic integrity, it is little wonder that several things Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP has said have brought me to the boiling point. The statement of his that made the strongest impression on me, however, was something to the effect of how his expositions are Right with a capital R.
To the best of my knowledge, his short-sighted zingers are in full flower, and their poisonous petals of parasitism are blooming all around us. Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP can't attack my ideas, so he attacks me. It could be worse, I suppose. He could pander to our worst fears. This is not the same as saying that different people often see the same subject in different lights, although that, too, is true.
When he was first found trying to hamstring our efforts to indicate in a rough and approximate way the two revolting tendencies that I believe are the main driving force of modern boosterism, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP is planning to empty garbage pails full of the vilest slanders and defamations on the clean garments of honorable people, I'm indeed downright terrified.
We are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which hostile, lame-brained converts to sesquipedalianism like Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP are completely absent. The other road leads into the darkness of anti-intellectualism. The question, therefore, is: Who's driving the bus? If I'm not horribly mistaken, there's a painfully simple answer. It regards the way that if Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP were as bright as he thinks he is, he'd know that he has certainly never given evidence of thinking extensively. Or at all, for that matter. In light of what I just stated, it's hard to avoid the conclusion that if I didn't think Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP would pamper wrongheaded, scary radicals, I wouldn't say that he would have us believe that pessimism is the key to world peace. That, of course, is nonsense, total nonsense. But Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP is surrounded by mean-spirited savages who parrot the same nonsense, which is why I would never take a job working for him. Given his pugnacious, churlish imprecations, who would want to?
To be honest, my purpose here is not to illustrate the virtues that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP lacks -- courage, truthfulness, courtesy, honesty, diligence, chivalry, loyalty, and industry. Well, okay, it is. But I should point out that I can't follow Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's pretzel logic. I do, however, know that he has two imperatives. The first is to put the prisoners in charge of running the prison. The second imperative is to drive us into a state of apoplexy. It's fine to realize that the underlying reasons and causes for Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's politically incorrect opuscula must be defined, examined, and resolved, or they'll never cease, but it's more important to know that someone has to be willing to honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP should level filth and slime at everyone opposed to his tricks because "it's the right thing to do".
While I don't question his motives, and I certainly understand the frustrations of Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's operatives, whenever there's an argument about Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's most recent convictions are irreverent, in bad taste, and inappropriate. That should settle the argument pretty quickly. There are two reasons which induce me to submit Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's rodomontades to a special examination: 1) Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP's henchmen feel that the masses are disruptive and unfit for citizenship, and 2) Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP can't see the forest for the trees. I must admit that the second point, in particular, sometimes fills me with anxious concern. Bombard me with insults if you like, Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP, because I simply don't care. He may have the right to slow scientific progress. He may have the right to open new avenues for the expression of hate. But Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP crosses the line when he uses his bully pulpit to substitute rumor and gossip for bona fide evidence.
We are on a slippery slope towards economic strife, social turmoil, cultural chaos, and craven factionalism. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. After having read this, you may think that it's amazing how low Lord Rob Commander Taco Buttfucker with LAME FUCKING LAMENESS FILTER and GAY IP BANS and CENSORSHIP Lame Ass Faggot with GAY FILTERS and CHILDISH BLACKLISTS Malda The Small Penis Fag with GAY FILTERS and IP BANNING will stoop to tear down all theoretical frameworks for addressing the issue. Nevertheless, you should always remember that I must doubtlessly reach out even to my most ostrich-like readers and show them how he clings to any argument or principle, however mephitic or crapulous, that appears to support his ballyhoos.
Dear IT Support
Eighteen months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which I had used for years without any trouble. However, apparently there are conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matter worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Linux 2.4 and Playboy 4.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1 which I tried had many bugs and left a virus in my system forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0 which I reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus, and cleanhouse 2000.
Shortly after this upgrade however, I then discovered the Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted.
They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also had an automatic Diary Explorer and e-mail porn filter, and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip! These latter products have no help
files and I have to try to guess what the problem is myself.
Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express
which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes which also drain my resources. It conflicted with
some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation.
When Wife 1.0 attached itself to my Audi TT programme, it often crashes or uns the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called
Mother In Law, which cannot be turned off. Recently I have attempted to try Mistress 2001, but there could be problem. A friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2001 it tends to delete all my Ms Money files before un-installing itself.Any ideas?
Gospel of Tux unearthed (long)
Every generation has a mythology. Every millenium has a doomsday cult. Every legend gets the distortion knob wound up until the speaker melts. Archeologists at the University of Helsinki today uncovered what could be the earliest known writings from the Cult of Tux, a fanatical religious sect that flourished during the early Silicon Age, around the dawn of the third millenium AD... The Gospel of Tux (v1.0)
In the beginning Turing created the Machine.
And the Machine was crufty and bogacious, existing in theory only. And von Neumann looked upon the Machine, and saw that it was crufty. He divided the Machine into two Abstractions, the Data and the Code, and yet the two were one Architecture. This is a great Mystery, and the beginning of wisdom.
And von Neumann spoke unto the Architecture, and blessed it, saying, "Go forth and replicate, freely exchanging data and code, and bring forth all manner of devices unto the earth." And it was so, and it was cool. The Architecture prospered and was implemented in hardware and software. And it brought forth many Systems unto the earth.
The first Systems were mighty giants; many great works of renown did they accomplish. Among them were Colossus, the codebreaker; ENIAC, the targeter; EDSAC and MULTIVAC and all manner of froody creatures ending in AC, the experimenters; and SAGE, the defender of the sky and father of all networks. These were the mighty giants of old, the first children of Turing, and their works are written in the Books of the Ancients. This was the First Age, the age of Lore.
Now the sons of Marketing looked upon the children of Turing, and saw that they were swift of mind and terse of name and had many great and baleful attributes. And they said unto themselves, "Let us go now and make us Corporations, to bind the Systems to our own use that they may bring us great fortune." With sweet words did they lure their customers, and with many chains did they bind the Systems, to fashion them after their own image. And the sons of Marketing fashioned themselves Suits to wear, the better to lure their customers, and wrote grave and perilous Licenses, the better to bind the Systems. And the sons of Marketing thus became known as Suits, despising and being despised by the true Engineers, the children of von Neumann.
And the Systems and their Corporations replicated and grew numerous upon the earth. In those days there were IBM and Digital, Burroughs and Honeywell, Unisys and Rand, and many others. And they each kept to their own System, hardware and software, and did not interchange, for their Licences forbade it. This was the Second Age, the age of Mainframes.
Now it came to pass that the spirits of Turing and von Neumann looked upon the earth and were displeased. The Systems and their Corporations had grown large and bulky, and Suits ruled over true Engineers. And the Customers groaned and cried loudly unto heaven, saying, "Oh that there would be created a System mighty in power, yet small in size, able to reach into the very home!" And the Engineers groaned and cried likewise, saying, "Oh, that a deliverer would arise to grant us freedom from these oppressing Suits and their grave and perilous Licences, and send us a System of our own, that we may hack therein!" And the spirits of Turing and von Neumann heard the cries and were moved, and said unto each other, "Let us go down and fabricate a Breakthrough, that these cries may be stilled."
And that day the spirits of Turing and von Neumann spake unto Moore of Intel, granting him insight and wisdom to understand the future. And Moore was with chip, and he brought forth the chip and named it 4004. And Moore did bless the Chip, saying, "Thou art a Breakthrough; with my own Corporation have I fabricated thee. Thou thou art yet as small as a dust mote, yet shall thou grow and replicate unto the size of a mountain, and conquer all before thee. This blessing I give unto thee: every eighteen months shall thou double in capacity, until the end of the age." This is Moore's Law, which endures unto this day.
And the birth of 4004 was the beginning of the Third Age, the age of Microchips. And as the Mainframes and their Systems and Corporations had flourished, so did the Microchips and their Systems and Corporations. And their lineage was on this wise:
Moore begat Intel. Intel begat Mostech, Zilog and Atari. Mostech begat 6502, and Zilog begat Z80. Intel also begat 8800, who begat Altair; and 8086, mother of all PCs. 6502 begat Commodore, who begat PET and 64; and Apple, who begat 2. (Apple is the great Mystery, the Fruit that was devoured, yet bloomed again.) Atari begat 800 and 1200, masters of the game, who were destroyed by Sega and Nintendo. Xerox begat PARC. Commodore and PARC begat Amiga, creator of fine arts; Apple and PARC begat Lisa, who begat Macintosh, who begat iMac. Atari and PARC begat ST, the music maker, who died and was no more. Z80 begat Sinclair the dwarf, TRS-80 and CP/M, who begat many machines, but soon passed from this world. Altair, Apple and Commodore together begat Microsoft, the Great Darkness which is called Abomination, Destroyer of the Earth, the Gates of Hell.
Now it came to pass in the Age of Microchips that IBM, the greatest of the Mainframe Corporations, looked upon the young Microchip Systems and was greatly vexed. And in their vexation and wrath they smote the earth and created the IBM PC. The PC was without sound and colour, crufty and bogacious in great measure, and its likeness was a tramp, yet the Customers were greatly moved and did purchase the PC in great numbers. And IBM sought about for an Operating System Provider, for in their haste they had not created one, nor had they forged a suitably grave and perilous License, saying, "First we will build the market, then we will create a new System, one in our own image, and bound by our Licence." But they reasoned thus out of pride and not wisdom, not forseeing the wrath which was to come.
And IBM came unto Microsoft, who licensed unto them QDOS, the child of CP/M and 8086. (8086 was the daughter of Intel, the child of Moore). And QDOS grew, and was named MS-DOS. And MS-DOS and the PC together waxed mighty, and conquered all markets, replicating and taking possession thereof, in accordance with Moore's Law. And Intel grew terrible and devoured all her children, such that no chip could stand before her. And Microsoft grew proud and devoured IBM, and this was a great marvel in the land. All these things are written in the Books of the Deeds of Microsoft.
In the fullness of time MS-DOS begat Windows. And this is the lineage of Windows: CP/M begat QDOS. QDOS begat DOS 1.0. DOS 1.0 begat DOS 2.0 by way of Unix. DOS 2.0 begat Windows 3.11 by way of PARC and Macintosh. IBM and Microsoft begat OS/2, who begat Windows NT and Warp, the lost OS of lore. Windows 3.11 begat Windows 95 after triumphing over Macintosh in a mighty Battle of Licences. Windows NT begat NT 4.0 by way of Windows 95. NT 4.0 begat NT 5.0, the OS also called Windows 2000, The Millenium Bug, Doomsday, Armageddon, The End Of All Things.
Now it came to pass that Microsoft had waxed great and mighty among the Microchip Corporations; mighter than any of the Mainframe Corporations before it had it waxed. And Gates heart was hardened, and he swore unto his Customers and their Engineers the words of this curse:
"Children of von Neumann, hear me. IBM and the Mainframe Corporations bound thy forefathers with grave and perilous Licences, such that ye cried unto the spirits of Turing and von Neumann for deliverance. Now I say unto ye: I am greater than any Corporation before me. Will I loosen your Licences? Nay, I will bind thee with Licences twice as grave and ten times more perilous than my forefathers. I will engrave my Licence on thy heart and write my Serial Number upon thy frontal lobes. I will bind thee to the Windows Platform with cunning artifices and with devious schemes. I will bind thee to the Intel Chipset with crufty code and with gnarly APIs. I will capture and enslave thee as no generation has been enslaved before. And wherefore will ye cry then unto the spirits of Turing, and von Neumann, and Moore? They cannot hear ye. I am become a greater Power than they. Ye shall cry only unto me, and shall live by my mercy and my wrath. I am the Gates of Hell; I hold the portal to MSNBC and the keys to the Blue Sceen of Death. Be ye afraid; be ye greatly afraid; serve only me, and live."
And the people were cowed in terror and gave homage to Microsoft, and endured the many grave and perilous trials which the Windows platform and its greatly bogacious Licence forced upon them. And once again did they cry to Turing and von Neumann and Moore for a deliverer, but none was found equal to the task until the birth of Linux.
These are the generations of Linux:
SAGE begat ARPA, which begat TCP/IP, and Aloha, which begat Ethernet. Bell begat Multics, which begat C, which begat Unix. Unix and TCP/IP begat Internet, which begat the World Wide Web. Unix begat RMS, father of the great GNU, which begat the Libraries and Emacs, chief of the Utilities. In the days of the Web, Internet and Ethernet begat the Intranet LAN, which rose to renown among all Corporations and prepared the way for the Penguin. And Linus and the Web begat the Kernel through Unix. The Kernel, the Libraries and the Utilities together are the Distribution, the one Penguin in many forms, forever and ever praised.
Now in those days there was in the land of Helsinki a young scholar named Linus the Torvald. Linus was a devout man, a disciple of RMS and mighty in the spirit of Turing, von Neumann and Moore. One day as he was meditating on the Architecture, Linus fell into a trance and was granted a vision. And in the vision he saw a great Penguin, serene and well-favoured, sitting upon an ice floe eating fish. And at the sight of the Penguin Linus was deeply afraid, and he cried unto the spirits of Turing, von Neumann and Moore for an interpretation of the dream.
And in the dream the spirits of Turing, von Neumann and Moore answered and spoke unto him, saying, "Fear not, Linus, most beloved hacker. You are exceedingly cool and froody. The great Penguin which you see is an Operating System which you shall create and deploy unto the earth. The ice-floe is the earth and all the systems thereof, upon which the Penguin shall rest and rejoice at the completion of its task. And the fish on which the Penguin feeds are the crufty Licensed codebases which swim beneath all the earth's systems. The Penguin shall hunt and devour all that is crufty, gnarly and bogacious; all code which wriggles like spaghetti, or is infested with blighting creatures, or is bound by grave and perilous Licences shall it capture. And in capturing shall it replicate, and in replicating shall it document, and in documentation shall it bring freedom, serenity and most cool froodiness to the earth and all who code therein."
Linus rose from meditation and created a tiny Operating System Kernel as the dream had foreshewn him; in the manner of RMS, he released the Kernel unto the World Wide Web for all to take and behold. And in the fulness of Internet Time the Kernel grew and replicated, becoming most cool and exceedingly froody, until at last it was recognised as indeed a great and mighty Penguin, whose name was Tux. And the followers of Linus took refuge in the Kernel, the Libraries and the Utilities; they installed Distribution after Distribution, and made sacrifice unto the GNU and the Penguin, and gave thanks to the spirits of Turing, von Neumann and Moore, for their deliverance from the hand of Microsoft. And this was the beginning of the Fourth Age, the age of Open Source.
Now there is much more to be said about the exceeding strange and wonderful events of those days; how some Suits of Microsoft plotted war upon the Penguin, but were discovered on a Halloween Eve; how Gates fell among lawyers and was betrayed and crucified by his former friends, the apostles of Media; how the mercenary Knights of the Red Hat brought the gospel of the Penguin into the halls of the Corporations; and even of the dispute between the brethren of Gnome and KDE over a trollish Licence. But all these things are recorded elsewhere, in the Books of the Deeds of the Penguin and the Chronicles of the Fourth Age, and I suppose if they were all narrated they would fill a stack of DVDs as deep and perilous as a Usenet Newsgroup.
Now may you code in the power of the Source; may the Kernel, the Libraries and the Utilities be with you, throughout all Distributions, until the end of the Epoch. Amen.
Posted on Sat 06 Feb 15:50:24 1999 GMT
Written by Lennier
"Felis Cattus, is your taxonomic nomenclature, an endothermic quadruped carnivorous by nature? Your visual, olfactory and auditory senses contribute to your hunting skills, and natural defenses.
I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations, a singular development of cat communications that obviates your basic hedonistic predilection for a rhythmic stroking of your fur, to demonstrate affection.
A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents; you would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance. And when not being utilized to aide in locomotion, it often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.
O Spot, the complex levels of behaviour you display connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array. And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend, I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend."
-Data, "Schisms" (Star Trek: The Next Generation)