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What is Your Best Tech Joke?
3770 asks: "There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary numbers and those who don't. -- OK, I'm having a slow day at work. What is your favorite techie joke? I'm asking you! Make me laugh!"
View this site. I am sure most will get a good laugh.
http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com/
enjoy!
There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand hexadecimal and those who don't.
For some reason people don't get it...
Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
here's the one question geek test. i guess if you get the joke, then you're a geek.
Gyrate Dot Org - "Where high-tech meets low-life"
To get to the same side.
A lawyer, a doctor and a computer engineer were driving a car up a curvy, hilly road.
The car speeds around a corner, slips, smashes through the highway barrier, and flies down a cliff.
By some miracle, the 3 people survived.
The doctor immediately said: "We need to make sure that everyone is ok. Any bones broken?"
The lawyer said: "We need to find out who built that defective road and sue them!"
The engineer said: "Hold on, just wait a minute. Don't jump to conclusions. What we gotta do is push the car back up the hill and see if this happens again."
"Can of worms? The can is open... the worms are everywhere."
Try this binary to decimal tutorial.
It's quite helpful.
"Can of worms? The can is open... the worms are everywhere."
Disclaimer: I didn't write this, I have no idea who did.
WRITE IN C
(sung to The Beatles "Let it Be")
When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom: "Write in C."
As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers "Write in C."
Write in C, write in C, Write in C, write in C.
LISP is dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, for science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics! Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to Write in C.
Write in C, write in C, Write In C, yeah, write in C.
Only wimps use BASIC. Write in C.
Write in C, write in C, Write in C, oh, write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it. Write in C.
Guitar Solo
Write in C, write in C, Write in C, yeah, write in C.
Don't even mention COBOL. Write in C.
And when the screen is fuzzy, And the editor is bugging me.
I'm sick of ones and zeroes. Write in C.
A thousand people people swear that T.P.
Seven is the one for me.
I hate the word PROCEDURE, Write in C.
Write in C, write in C, Write in C, yeah, write in C.
PL1 is 80's, Write in C.
Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
The government loves ADA,
Write in C.
"Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning." Bill Gates Yeah Right!
Two atoms are talking to each other, and one says,
"I think I've just lost an electron!"
"Are you certain?" the other replies.
"Yes! I'm positive!"
and a science/sporting one:
Q: How much force does it take to stop a propeller?
A: About half a Newton.
The engineer goes first. She builds a circular fence about 100m in diameter, and states that her design is the most efficient under the conditions stated.
With much handwaving, the Physicist proposes to build a fence around the equator of the earth, as the curvature of the 2D surface of the earth in 3D will enable more area to be enclosed per unit of perimeter. His design is thrown out for lack of practicality.
By this time, the Mathematician has finished thinking. The Engineer and the Physicist follow him to the very back of the Texan's property. He takes 4 short sections of fence, builds a tiny fence around himself, and says...
"I declare myself to be on the outside."
Learn to Play Go
but at least it's the best one I got today.
I got a email from a stubborn and clueless tech consultant who insisted on adding '... and creation date < system date' in the SQL query.
I calmly explained to her that 'creation date < system date' always holds true, unless, of course, the user could go to future and create a case there.
She doesn't seem to get the joke, and today I got a email, cc to my and her bosses, saying that we must 'creation date < system date' so that we would not miss those cases created 'in the future'....and she dare quote me on that!
while ( horse == dead ) { beat(horse); }
Or, in Soviet Russia:
while ( dead == horse ) { horse.beat(YOU); }
Learn to Play Go
Yo momma's so dirty she throws gmake clean into an infinite loop!
Microsoft Antitrust Trial Decision
A Mathematician, a Biologist, and a Statician are watching people going in and coming out of the building on the other side of the street. First they see two people going in - after awhile three people come out.
The Biologist concludes, "They're mating!"
The Statician says, "No, no, no - The measurement wasn't accurate."
The Mathematician says, "If someone else goes in, it'll be empty."
Keep your packets off my GNU/Girlfriend!
There are 3 kinds of people in the world. Those who know how to count and those who don't.
Alexis 'jeriqo' BRET
A sig line from back-in-the-day:
Stupid dog, quit chewing on the phone line*&&^_&$#6k
NO TERRIER
"Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning." Bill Gates Yeah Right!
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing a round of golf. They get behind a pair that is playing amazingly slow. After some time they realize that these two men are blind.
"What a sad way to spend one's life," said the priest. "I will say a prayer for them."
"I have a good friend that is an eye surgeon," said the doctor, "maybe I could get them some help."
The engineer thought for a second, "Why don't these guys play at night?"
A speech...
a group of psychologists are running an expirement. the place the subject in a room with a sink, a bucket and a garbage can with a fire in it.
They start with an engineer. The engineer grabs the bucket, runs to the sink, fills it with water and throw it on the fire which promptly goes out.
Next up was a physicist. The physicist whips out his slide rule, does some quick calculations, take the bucket over to the sink, fills it and throws it on the fire. The fire goes out exponentially.
Then they let an applied mathematician try it. The Amath guy fills bucket, sets it down next to the fire and leaves. Astonished, the psychologists ask why he didn't put the fire out. The Amath guy repplied that he had reduced it to an already solved problem.
Last up was a mathematician. The mathematician looked at the fire. Then he walked over and looked at the bucket. Then he walked over to the sink, looked at it, and nodded. He then left the room. The psychologists were completely baffeled by this and asked the mathematician about his behavior. "Simple," he replied. "I just proved that a solution existed."
-1: flamebait should really be -1: inciteful
Not really a joke, but funny as hell.
... the Knack." ... and utter social ineptitude."
"The Knack"
Doctor: "It's worse than I feared."
Mother: "What is it?"
Doctor: "I'm afraid your son has
Mother: "The knack?"
Doctor: "The Knack. It's a rare condition characterized by an extreme intuition about all things mechanical and electrical
Mother: "Can he lead a normal life?"
Doctor: "No. He'll be an engineer."
Mother: "Oh, no! [crying]"
Doctor: "There, there. Don't blame yourself."
A speech...
"Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working properly when you open windows."
"Consistently separating words by spaces became a general custom about the
tenth century A.D., and lasted until about 1957, when FORTRAN abandoned the
practice."
"Windows 98 has detected that the mouse has moved.
Please restart your computer for these changes to take effect."
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
My pid is Inigo Montoya. You kill -9 my parent process. Prepare to vi.
So what part of rpm, linuxconf, chkconfig and make xconfig do you not understand?
"Press any key if you wish to return to Windows or Control-Alt-Delete if you
wish to close it and reboot. After that action, scream at the top of your
lungs as your computer fails to respond to either of those actions."
- The Truthful Windows BSOD
Unix IS user-friendly, it just chooses its friends very carefully.
"Be consistent."
- Larry Wall in the perl man page
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S
relativity."
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon loaded with reels of tape.
Any attempt to brew coffee with a teapot should result in the error
code "418 I'm a teapot". The resulting entity body MAY be short and stout.
- RFC 2324
"I'm not interrupting you, I'm putting our conversation in full-duplex mode."
- Antone Roundy
The three triangles of the Berlin logo stands for the tripod upon
which Berlin rests: Courage, Honour, and Frozen Pizza.
X windows:
Accept any substitute.
If it's broke, don't fix it.
If it ain't broke, fix it.
Form follows malfunction.
The Cutting Edge of Obsolescence.
The trailing edge of software technology.
Armageddon never looked so good.
Japan's secret weapon.
You'll envy the dead.
Making the world safe for competing window systems.
Let it get in YOUR way.
The problem for your problem.
If it starts working, we'll fix it. Pronto.
It could be worse, but it'll take time.
Simplicity made complex.
The greatest productivity aid since typhoid.
Flakey and built to stay that way.
Strangers have the best candy.
- t-shirt seen at DefCon 8.0
"Perl is Internet Yiddish."
- Yoz Graehme
"And don't tell me there isn't one bit of difference between null and space,
because that's exactly how much difference there is."
- Larry Wall
"I *made up* the term 'object-oriented,' and I can tell you I did *not*
have C++ in mind."
- Alan Kay, one of the inventors/designers of Smalltalk.
A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.
Cross platform apps are like unisex underwear.
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist went to the horse races one Saturday and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."
The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..."
"...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret.
"Well," he says, between puffs on the pipe, "first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical..."
2 strings walk into a bar. The first string says to the bartender, "Bartender, I'll have a beer. u.5n$x5t?*&4ru!2[sACC~ErJ" The second string says "Pardon my friend, he isn't NULL terminated."
Oh, and any idle speculators care to guess how many "funny" meta-mods we'll be seeing for the next few weeks? I'm betting at least half...
A policeman pulls Werner Heisenberg over on the autobahn for speeding.
Policeman: Sir, do you know how fast you were going?
Heisenberg: No, but I know exactly where I am.
Courtesy of Inflection Point, who has one of the largest technical / computer / engineering joke archives on the internet (aside from google groups, anyway).
.
Timesheet Honesty
A promising young NASA aerospace engineer was killed in a horrific car accident and arrived in Heaven, protesting to St. Peter at the pearly gates. "St. Peter, I'm only 35. I'm much too young to die. I have a wonderful wife and family, so much to live for. Why in the world am I here?"
St. Peter looked through a huge stack of papers, looked over the top of his glasses and said, "Well, according to all of these hours on your time sheets, you've got to be at least 108."
And my favorite one-liner:
"Engineers aren't boring people; we just get excited over boring things."
-- Anon.
You can find more at the link above, and (SHAMELESS PLUG) at in the random quotes on the homepage of my site: www.hollinger.net
Michael C. Hollinger
In any normal /. article, there are always Frist Posts, trolls, and the usual array of off-topic regular /. jokes.
Now someone posts an open invitation to go berserk, and I haven't (in the first 60-odd replies) seen a single Natalie Portman, hot grits, AYB or beowulf cluster. At least someone managed to sneak in an "In Soviet Russia".
Weird, huh.
David.
This is a Unix email virus. It works on the honor system:
If you're running a variant of Unix, please forward this message to everyone you know and delete a bunch of your files at random.
Thank you for your cooperation.
by pjl @ patsoffice . com
In C++ you can access your friend's private parts.
(and for the sexist-humor-impaired, apologies....)
A lawyer, an accountant, and an engineer all go into the men's room (they're all guys, duh :-( ).
The lawyer does his business, then washes his hands, then completely dries his hands with a truly profligate amount of paper towels.
"Lawyers are trained to be thorough," he explains.
The accountant does his business, then washes his hands. But he uses a minimal amount of paper towel, while making sure his hands are as completely dry as the lawyer's.
"Accountants are trained to be thorough and efficient!" he explains.
The engineer does his business, and walks out without washing his hands!
Flabbergasted, the lawyer and the accountant demand an explanation.
"Engineers don't pee on their hands."
-----
Klactovedestene!
Lotteries are a tax on people who suck at math.
"Knowledge is Power", "Time is Money", and as every engineer knows, "Power is Work over Time". So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:
K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)
Now, do a few simple substitutions:
Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T (4)
Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:
K = W/M (5).
Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:
Knowledge equals Work over Money.
What this MEANS is that:
1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.
Solving for Money, we get:
M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge. From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.
What THIS MEANS is:
The More you Make, the Less you Know.
Solving for Work, we get
W = M K (7)
Work equals Money times Knowledge
From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.
What THIS MEANS is:
The stupid rich do little or no work.
Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.
"I do know I'm ready for the job. And, if not, that's just the way it goes."
G. W. Bush, 8/21/2000
"Ah yes, the Tomahawk Cruise missle... the rich country's car bomb."
by Rand Race (helixp@ nospamplease. bellsouth.net)
Bad spellers of the world, untie!
by Fjord_Reddfjord_redd @ programmer_dot_net
I'm a dyslexic agnostic with insomnia... I lie awake at night wondering if there really is a dog!
by Q-Hack!kc5aot_HATES _SPAM_@qsl.net (User #37846) http://www.qsl.net/~kc5aot
... is a lot like an erect penis. It stays up as long as you don't fuck with it.
(sadly, source unknown)
It's Linux, damnit! Pay no attention to renaming attempts by self-aggrandizing blowhards.
My physics TA wears this shirt all the time:
2 + 2 = 5
(for sufficiently large values of 2)
An engineer was enjoying a cruise in the Caribbean. It was wonderful, the experience of his life ... but, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly and the ship went down, giving only a few barely enough time to escape.
... and there from around the corner of the island came a rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen: she was tall, tanned, with blond hair flowing in the sea breeze. She spotted him waving and yelling, and rowed her boat towards him.
The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. Looking around he saw some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it.
So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut milk and stared out to sea waiting for a ship to come to his rescue.
One day, as he was lying on the beach waiting dejectecly for a while, he spotted movement out just beyond the waves
In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you come from, how did you get here?"
She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? Where, did you get the rowboat? You must have been really lucky to have a rowboat wash-up with you?"
"It is only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up, I made it."
The engineer's jaw dropped in disbelief.
"I made the rowboat out of raw materials that I found on the island," continued the woman. "The oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm fronds, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, but," stammered the man, "what about tools and hardware? How did you do that?"
"Oh, no problem," replied the woman, "on the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that If I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware.
"But, enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?"
At this man was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the beach. "Well, let's row over to my place," she said. So they both got into the rowboat and left for her side of island.
The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a palm tree, there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. "It's not much," she said, "but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like to have a drink?"
"No," said the man, "I just can't take any more coconut milk."
The woman laughed: "Don't worry, I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.
After a while, they had exchanged their stories and the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?"
"No," the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life, and even on the cruise ship".
"Well, if you would like to shave, there is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." So, the man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back down stairs.
"You look great," said the woman, "I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable." So she did.
And, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman returned wearing fig leafs strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia.
"Tell me," she said, "we have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely, is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and woman need...?"
"Actually there is," the man replied, as he moved closer to the woman while fixing a winsome gaze upon her. "Tell me: do you happen to have an Internet connection?"
i-name =twylite [http://public.xdi.org/=twylite], see idcommons.net
A doctor, a civil engineer and a programmer are discussing whose profession is the oldest.
"Surely medicine is the oldest profession." says the doctor. "God took a rib from Adam and created Eve and if this isn't medicine I'll be..."
But the civil engineer breaks in:
"But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that's civil engineering to me."
The programmer thinks a bit and then says:
"And who do you think created chaos?"
My opinion? See above.
Even worse:
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Yet Another Oldie but Goodie
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says "You must work in business."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Eschew Obfuscation
A couple of engineers are sitting around discussing what type of engineer God is. Eventually their arguments settle on using the human body as a reference point.
An electrical engineer points out that the body depends on the electrical nervous system, and that since this is the core of the design, then obviously God is an EE.
A chemical engineer counters this, stating that the neurons, like all the rest of the body, wouldn't work at all without complex chemical interactions, as well as the flow of blood through the vast fluid flow network of the circulatory system.
The lone civil engineer of the group just laughs at all of them, pointing out that God must be a CivE, since nobody else would think to run a toxic waste line through a major recreational area!
Thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the veal!
-SablKnight
An Enigneer, Physicist, and a Mathamathition were all up late studying one nigh in identical dorm rooms. As they go to sleep a fire breaks out in their trask can full of paper.
The Engineer sees a pitcher of water on the desk and pours the entire contents into the trash can, observes that the fire is out, and rolls over and goes back to sleep.
The Physicist does some quick mental calulations, and determines that pouring one quarter of the pitcher in the can would be sufficient to keep the fire confined to the trash can. He then pours precicely one quarter of the pitcher in the trash can and the rolls over and goes back to sleep.
The Mathamaticition wakes up and notices the fire and the pitcher of water. Satisfied that a solution exits he rolls over and goes back to sleep.
--Shemnon
An engineer and a salesman go bear hunting.. they rent a large cabin on a mountain, and hike up to it.. when they get there, the salesman says "OK, you get us unpacked, and I'll go get us some bears."
The engineer thinks this is a little odd, but agrees. He finishes unpacking, when he hears some shouting. He goes outside, and across the clearing, the salesman is running directly towards the cabin, being chased by the biggest, angriest looking bear the engineer had ever seen.
"Open the door!" yells the salesman, and the engineer complies. With the bear on his heels, the salesman rushes up to the door, but at the last minute, he darts to the side. The bear, unable to stop, continues into the cabin.
The salesman quickly slams the door shut, and the bear (even angrier now) begins to trash the cabin.
The salesman smiles at the engineer, and says "OK, you finish this one, I'll go find us another."
They load it all in the plane, but the pilot is nervous. He says, "The plane is overloaded. We'll never make it." But the managers assure him that everything will be fine. Despite his repeated warnings, they finally tell him that they will take the responsibility if anything happens.
The pilot begrudgingly taxies as far down the runway as he can, opens the throttle, and tries to take off. But there's just too much weight. He screams, "It's no use! We're gonna crash unless you dump some weight!" But the managers tell him to keep going, everything is fine.
Finally, the plane gets off the ground. But sure enough, it's too late. The plane can't clear the fence at the end of the runway and crashes to the ground. Amazingly, everyone survives.
The pilot limps out and says, "See?!? I told you it would never work! What a failure!" But the managers say, "Faliure? This was an astounding success! We got two meters higher than last year!"
For geek dads: Contraction Timer
Also not exactly tech, but certainly the tech industry:
A shepherd is tending his flock when a black 5 series BMW pulls up in his field. A dude jumps out of the car wearing $2000 loafers, an Armani suit, Gucci tie, Blancpain watch.
"Hey Shepherd" says the Dude, "if I can guess exactly how many sheep you have in this field, can I have one of them?".
The Shepherd looks at the field and says "I'm a punting man; give it your best shot".
The Dude whips out his WAP and calls a satellite flyover service and gives them a telephone number. 10 minutes later, an overhead view is faxed to the Dude and he counts up the animals.
"Shepherd, you have exactly 1218 sheep".
The Shepherd confirms this is correct and the Dude opens the trunk of the Beemer and puts an animal in the trunk.
"Tell me sir" says the Shepherd, "if I can guess what you do for a living, can I have my animal back?"
"Sure", says the Dude, grinning.
"You are a IT Consultant and you work for either Accenture or KPMG"
"Fuck!! Right on" exclaims the Dude "How didja guess?"
"Well" says the Shepherd "Firstly you turned up unannounced, unwanted and with no prior warning. Then you told me what I already knew. And then you proved you knew absolutely nothing about my business. So give me back my fuckin' dog".
Q: What's the difference between C and C++?
A: Nothing, as (C - C++ == 0). Note, however, that the value of C has been increased...
Each agreed to send its best knights to the island, where they would duke it out in a free for all to settle who owned the island once and for all.
The first kingdom was very rich, and sent 100 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, each knight drilled, ate, boasted and celebrated as the squires cooked, polished armor, cared to the horses, and sharpened weapons.
The second kingdom was not as rich, and was able to muster only 50 knights, each with one squire. The night before the battle, the knights drilled, ate, boasted and celebrated. Each only had one squire, so they had to polish armor, too. The squires sharpened weapons, cared for the horses, and cooked.
The third kingdom was very poor, and could only send one knight and his squire. The knight took care of his armor and drilled as the squire prepared dinner, tended to the horse, and sharpened the weapons. To save time, he had to hang the cooking pot high over the fire with a noose.
The next morning, the knights of the first two kingdoms were too hung over from the celebration to fight. The third kingdom's knight was too tired from preparing for battle. None of them could fight, so the squires had it out. The battle raged on through the day and into the night. After the dust cleared, and the sun rose the next day only the lone squire from the third kingdom remained, tired, injured, near death, but victorious. This only goes to prove...(brace yourselves)...
The squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
OK, you can shoot me now.
There is a reason for everything. Sometimes that reason just sucks.
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%? Want to know the secret?
If
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
are represented as their corresponding number:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.
And look how far this will take you...
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%