Family Tech Support

Donald Scott sends in this short yet resonant tale about doing tech support... for your family. A couple weeks ago I got a package from my mother in Florida. It arrived by express mail, insured for four hundred dollars. In it was a surge suppressor. One of those big rectangular jobs that your monitor sits on and your computer sits under. I recognized it as the same one that, in the mid 90s, I personally placed under the monitor and over the computer that I bought for my mother.

This computer, from "Zeos", I think, had a catchy name which I've forgotten, and was marketed as an all-in-one, "zippetty-doo-da" fast, productivity-increasing, feature-packed system, from a company who'll be there tomorrow. It was, like most computers you'd buy for your mom, immediately obsolete, but great for email. It was also great for playing computerized bridge and pinochle which is as far as my mother wants to go in computer gaming. For a couple years this Pentium 75 zippety-doo-dahed along quite happily, raising my mother's productivity considerably before trying to retire early, by pretending its motherboard was fried. Unable to convince it otherwise, I buried the "fried" motherboard unceremoniously at the curb and replaced it with one scavenged from a derelict PC carcass which was camped in my office.

This "new" PC was even faster than the previous, which made it about as current as writing email on parchment with an ostrich feather dipped in India Ink, but bought me another year of not buying a new system. That was a little over a year ago. A few months ago, that computer died too. So, a new computer was ordered, with a place to plug a complete modern life right into the back. USB ports, Serial ports, Modem Ports, Mouse ports, Ethernet, Fishnet, Parallel ports, Perpendicular ports, car ports, Video out, Video back in, and PDA handheld-infrared-ultraviolet-see-in-the-dark-intradimensional wireless toaster ports, pipe anything and everything into a tiny beige box. This box is great for email, and for playing computer bridge and pinochle.

For a month, my mother became really productive (mom's productivity is measured in forwarded joke emails), and then, abruptly, stopped being productive at all. Concerned about the uncharacteristically empty "Mother" folder in Outlook Express (a subfolder of "Deleted Items"), I sent several emails which went unanswered. It occurred to me that she might have been sucked into some port on the back of the computer and was deadlocked in a virtual game of computerized cribbage with either Keanu Reeves or a rogue supercomputer from IBM, but I didn't follow up on this. The next time I heard from her was on my answering machine - "You can cancel my internet access, I've packed up the computer and put it in the closet. Bye."

My mother's messages often sound like epitaphs, but this sounded particularly dire. I knew that either Keanu had beaten her in cribbage or her computer had died. Despite being totally generic, the new computer was still new and still under warranty, a warranty that the computer gnomes in her closet were unlikely to honor, but which my local computer supplier probably would. I took drastic measures and called her. A frustrated woman answered, close to tears "Well, it stopped getting email two months ago and then one day I turned it on and no picture showed up and I didn't want to bother you because 'You're so busy' and I know it's my fault and..."

She was not particularly helpful in troubleshooting the problem. Furthermore, the computer's condition of being unplugged in a dark closet made successful diagnostics so grim a prospect that I patiently explained the whole "gnome-warranty" thing to her and asked that she send it back to me. Swayed by my logic, she agreed, and several days later a package arrived from her.

Understandably excited by the prospect of fixing a computer I bought because it wouldn't need much fixing, I tore open the package to reveal one unremarkable, heavily over-insured surge suppressor. Remember the surge suppressor? Confusion descended. I felt as though I'd ordered a latte and been handed a stapler. Was it the words I'd used? Did the gnome story scare her? Did I say "Please just send me any object and I'll use it to fix your computer from a thousand miles away." Again, I took emergency measures and called her. I pretended that I hadn't opened the box in case it was an early Christmas present. "Please tell me this is an early Christmas present" I said. "No, it's that damned computer" was the reply that I both feared and got. Because this surge suppressor is about as mistakable for a computer as an old leather boot, I had two painful options; one of making my mother feel like a total boob, and the other of configuring an email client on a mid 90s surge suppressor. Boob it would be. I said, as delicately as possible "Mother, this isn't a computer, it's an old boot!"

On my desk now sits the multi-port roadster of a computer that arrived today from Florida. Sure enough, there's the bridge and pinochle CD still in the drive and, sure enough, it doesn't work. I suspect that the huge dent in the case, indicating some sort of collision, trauma, impact, stampede or other violence might have something to do with that. Maybe the tech gnomes took a whack at it. Whatever. She's my mother. I love her. I'll just fix it.

Comments

that is why

[kraksmoka]

my mother was the proud recipient of . . . . an iMac. the story is like this . . ..

about three years ago, i was in compUSA lookin around with some friends when i stumbled thru the floor models area and there were two, 333 mhz imacs, just sitting there. i got a price, $500 bucks, called home, and after goading them for six or so hours convinced them to get the machine.

they had been talking about getting a computer since i was in jr. high, and they really needed to get into the digital age. at that point i was long out of the house, and they kept bitching that they couldn't figure out why i thought the internet job i had was any good. so i figured, they needed the machine.

bottom line. my "mommy spam" folder has been flooded ever since. for a 50 year old woman who had never seen a computer before, it is her life, completely. she won't let anyone in the family touch the machine, me included. and it sure is a good thing that it has not had a single serious maintenance issue since they bought it. best of all, since it only has one plug, they figure out how to plug it back in after they clean around it.

Re:Tech support for your family??

[Bonker]

I will build PC's for my family members.

I will install hardware for my family members.

I will install software for my family members.

I will, under no circumstances, later support any of that for the same reasons. When something goes wrong, it's *always* your fault.

Heaven help you if they actually watch you doing the install, too. My father-in-law, god bless him, is pretty handy with a Vic 20 or a Commodore 64's BASIC interperator. He can type in games straight from the 'Big Book of BASIC games' and then save them to cassette tape so he can play them again later.

When he got a Windows computer a little while back, he was fairly dissapointed that he could not program the machine. I copied over a copy of QBasic for him, thinking that all his old BASIC stuff would still work in it, even if he had to re-type all of it. Later, I even gave him an old MS Visual Basic 4 CD that came with a book I had to buy for a college course.

Unfortuneately, when he tried to install a new modem in his computer, I got called to clean up the mess. (This was the last time I ever did support for him.) At one point, he saw me fiddle with the COM ports in the PC's BIOS.

"Is this where you program the computer?" he asked me, quite seriously.

I should have known right then what I had inadvertantly done. A few days after I got the modem installed and working correctly, he called me again, quite upset that his computer would no longer work. It must have been the crappy modem driver software I installed.

When I arrived, not only had EVERY single BIOS setting been changed, but the defaults had been wiped out. His BIOS had a 'Save', 'Save Defaults', and a 'Revert to Defaults', but not a 'Factory Defaults' switch.

I couldn't even boot a DOS floppy to try to flash it. It took a long, long time to make that computer work right again.

My story from just last week...

[sdo1]

Mom (on phone): My computer stopped working.
Me: What are you doing?
Mom: Writing a letter. I tried to check the grammar and it just stopped.
Me: Did you save it first?
Mom: What?
Me: Save it. Save the file. You're in Microsoft Word, right?
Mom: Yes
Me: How long is the letter?
Mom: About 10 pages.
Me: And you didn't save it along the way?
Mom: No, I just type it, print it, and then shut off the computer when I'm done.
Me: Sigh...

The rest involved a late night dash to my folks house. Turns out that indeed MS Word had crashed when trying to grammar check (surprise), but luckily Word was smart enough to recover the document following a reboot.

It's impossible to explain the concept of a "file" to my parents. If they "save", this cryptic box comes up in front of them asking for a file name, file type, location, etc. If you don't understand the basics, understanding that box might as well be like understanding greek.

The other thing is general technology. I KNOW I'm going to be called upon for tech support on any technology item in their house (TV, DVD player, computer, programable thermostat, etc.). And usually I don't mind helping at all, but if I'm going to be doing tech support, I want to be involved in the purchase decision. It's gotten to the point where I've had to tell them that they're on their own if they make an impulse buy of some piece of technology without talking to me first...

-S

I don't do windows

[gsfprez]

I've finally convinced even my mom that I can't do windows. The last 3 times i've tried to help her, i've done more damage than help.

This is because, upon each subsequent "repair attempt" at fixing windows machines, i find myself *actually* unable to fix them - short of formatting and installing windows, that is.

I mean, i honestly don't know how to do it any more.. my Windows repair muscles have completely atrophied in the last 6 years....

I don't know wtf anything is, i don't understand why changing the IP forces a reboot, i don't know which DLLs to uninstall when i uninstall something....

and seriously... what the fuck is up with the start menu in XP? Is that supposed to be "easier" to use? where the fsck did all the programs go? where the fsck is the printer folder underneath the Settings folder so i can see what printers the computer thinks it knows about? and where can i go to get a fscking command line?

I'm 100% totally lost using Windows XP - i feel like my grandafther trying to stop the VCR from blinking 12:00.

so i just tell them all, honestly..i do not know how to fix windows - and i won't help you because I *CAN'T* help you.

But i'll talk your ear off to get a Mac... and if you get one, I can help you then. But i cannot fix your problems with windows.

Mac OS X problems take me 30 seconds to resolve, and most often involve someone being too fearful to just hit a button.

I don't know what to say.. it think i'm getting old.

Re:Tech support for your family??

[dlakelan]

And that's exactly the way it ought to be. I feel so sad for these guys here who feel like they're being taken advantage of.

I liked Paul Graham's observation about italian teenagers in his article on nerd unpopularity. The italians don't have as many seriously disturbed nerdy teens, in large part because their families support each other and become the most important part of their lives.

Of course there's always Philip Greenspun's guide to Java Monkeys to support those of us who are being taken advantage of.

I helped my Fiancee buy a used laptop for her mom. Yes, I've spent several hours on "tech support" over the phone from 3000 miles away. I just feel that it's more than enough to repay them for the way they treat me when I fly out for holidays, and the interesting things I learn from them.

I also think it's worth it because they obviously get a lot out of internet access. Her mom is a library fiend, constantly checking out books on myriad topics, now she also has access to a world of information that doesn't require reserving books, or driving out in 3 feet of snow.

If you're really getting steamed about tech support, perhaps it's time to take more control over how it works?

there's nothing that beats Knoppix for ease of use, easy recovery, and local and remote administration.

Standardizing the family

[ethank]

I'm working toward standardizing my family. With just my west-coast family (which is my mom's parents and brother and grandparents), we have 16 computers. So far I've got my fiance, my sister and myself on Mac's, and have everyone else on Windows XP. This is good: common install base.

Geographically, we are all over from central coast CA to way southern CA so I make sure every house (four of them) has broadband with a way for me to get in (VPN).

But I do have a rule: don't buy anything you don't ALREADY know how to use. My grandpa is a gadget freak and will often buy equipment he has no clue what to do with:

Case in point: his webcam. He bought it, set it up and returned it immedietly. Why? "I do not want to see naked people on my computer screen whom I would run screaming from in the real world." He discovered the "joy" of Netmeeting.

Not good.

My dad is computer illiterate and doesn't understand the difference between "minimize" and "close." My mom is computer literate, but doesn't delete anything. My sister has a new Imac, but doesn't close any programs. My fiance hates her TiBook, and loves it at the same time. My uncle works for EMC, so thats fine. His wife runs her store on a WinXP dell, which is not a good computer to have break.

So here's my advice to family tech support people:

• Standardize! Have everyone on the same versions of software.
  
• Use the tools of each operating system: none of my family have full admin access to any of their machines. Only I do. It prevents them from screwing everything up. This includes WIndows and OSX
  
• Use multi-user if the computer warrants it: my parents computer has multiuser setup on XP and its a blessing since my dad likes killing files and my mom doesn't delete.
  
• Have a way to get in remotely: I can get into any of the computers in the family via VNC, Windows Remote Desktop or Mac Remote Desktop.
  
• Centralize backups - I currently do this with only mail, as I run the family mail server from my apartment. I'm thinking of using WebDAV or something similar to do it with documents.
  
• After installing, make an image - I do this on all the computers so if things go bad, I restore the image.
  
• Try to temper hardware purchases - Make sure family members run purchases by you before buying, either so you can say "get me one too!" or "NO!"
  
• If you have the bandwidth, run a mail/web server for your family. I do this (since I also do it for my site) on a business 1.1 mbit SDSL line. Saves lots of trouble with support and also lets you do virus/spam checking for them all.
  
• Cascade upgrades - all old computers come back to me, get repurposed and used for either older family members (for just e-mail/word processing) like my great-grandparents, or they get used as "special" servers such as a backup server. Either that or get donated to salvation army for tax deductions.
  
• Make sure you get consulted on any new computer purchases. I have had to have my grandparents or parents cancel many purchases because they were purchasing crap.
  
• Go Mac, its much easier.
  

Re:Lack of Equipent

[neuroticia]

Nah. Once he saw me tear into a computer or two he started telling me "Do this for your brother, your brother really needs you to fix his computer so he can burn CDs." It wasn't my girlness, it was because I left home at 16 and had NEVER done anything more than put my chain back onto my bike when it fell off. It was always my brother who set the digital watches, and set up the family's computer (plugging in keyboard/mouse, etc. not doing anything INSIDE the computer), etc. So while my dad theoretically knew I did this stuff, he had never seen me in action, and only knew me as the awkward 12 year old who would hit her thumb with a hammer.

I'd freak out if I saw my brother doing the laundry or something like that--because my experience with him doing the laundry is that he shrinks things, colors run, and whites end up tie-dyed gray and pink. It's been six months since I saw him last, so who knows--maybe he can do it now, but my knowledge of him is dated and would need to be refreshed before my mental image of his capabilities would change.

Not everything that looks and smells like sexism is sexism. Although your comment on my lack of equipment might be construed as such. ;) It's not THAT equipment that matters, dear. It's how you handle a screwdriver. >=] Besides, my long skinny flexible girl-hands can do more than anything YOU might have when it comes to computer equipment... Or other things for that matter. ::evil grin::

-Sara